From the wonderful, unverified world of Reddit IAmA:
Cheney was a dick in several ways. He was always late, 15 min at least. He never saluted except in one occasion when there was mass publicity. He was always grouchy and left a mess in the helicopter. Also, part of our job was making sure the back of the plane was stocked with snacks and whatnot and he would take every packet of peanuts he could find! I even tested it one time and I put 12 packs, 12!, in the back…all gone. This sounds dumb but it was just one small thing to irk a crew chief…because that meant you had to restock them all which was a pain.
What a mess! Peanut packets and bloodied 10-year-old Guantanamo detainees left all over the cabin! Also, it’s generally not safe to conduct satanic rituals while an aircraft is in flight. But what does he care? He can’t die. [Reddit via The Awl]
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Dick personifies the anality of evil.
I'm still waiting for his HBO series, ""Lawrence Of Arrhythmia" I hear that he makes the confession, "the gun was loaded and so was I"
Awesome. I want to carry your baby.
Thanks!
Me first.
Twins! Thanks Pdog.
Cheney's name was actually Sphintoid, Dick actually was a professional description. The Cheney Administration was run by Evil but promoted by Stupid
Cheney Administration Spokeshole George W. Bush's Memoirs Direct to Dustbin:
http://wp.me/pKBYM-hm with VIDEO Of "Farewell Address"
this dude is about to get 12-gauge of metal peanuts to the face.
Billy Graham is a cracker.
So, that photo of him with the big package was really just pilfered peanuts stored in a way that is demeaning to hamsters the world over.
History will not judge him kindly for this.
# BINGO!
Who would've thought the man who was the world's biggest asshole in public would also be one in private?
I bet Thanksgiving dinner at the Cheney Compound is a laugh riot.
WIN
We already have pictures of his corpse.
Patience.
It's just a matter of some little paperwork…
Please, if I saw those, I could see a weekend party coming on. Fresh squeezed grapefruit juice and vodka.
Jack! You should do a Reddit IAmA!
"I write jokes for a poop-blog, AMA."
Yuck. Not only evil, but peanut breath.
Imagine him tossing the empty peanut packets to the floor. Salty-fingered vulgarian!
Donald Trump resembles that remark.
Cheney was a dick..
heat is hot
water is wet
toast is formed crumbs
This is highly off topic of Dick Cheney, but I am reminded:
I was once having brunch with a slightly nutty girl who was displeased with the speed of the service, and she issued the following proclamation: "Toast cold is bread."
I was struck by both the truth and the absurdity of it. It's my own personal Zen koan.
Technically not true. Once toasted it is no longer bread, but toasted bread. Browning cannot be undone – inshallah, so it will be with the White House.
I'll bet he didn't wash his hands after wiping his ass with the Constitution, either.
Cheney died last year. The White House is hiding the corpse until October 2012 when they'll reveal his death to give Obama an 11-point boost in his poll popularity.
Downfist troll, your mama is a cross-dresser, too.
And I'll be in the streets, chanting, "USA! USA!"
frozen devil corpse libel!
But will he have given the order? That's all I need to commit massive voter fraud Chicago-style, backed by my Neighborhood Watch group and Girl Scout Cookie Troops.
The photos will be judged too hideous for publication.
The photos will be judged too
hideoushilarious for publication.his human-sized safes sound less ominous now, as they were probably just emergeny stockpiles to satiate his voracious peanut appetite.
damn you, GWCarter. he found your magic life-saving beans.
Not mentioned was that after Cheney flew in it, the helicopter always reeked of burnt flesh and brimstone.
Breaking news: Sky is blue.
SheriffRoscoe…is that you?!
I bet he chews peanuts with his mouth open and while talking.
And spits sesame seed shells when the opportunity presents itself.
Ummmm…. that's a neater trick than you probably realize.
Peanuts are the perfect vegetable/legume to associate with Cheney. They're round and pudgy. Grow naturally underground. Stay inside a protective shell until needed. And cause allergic reaction in lots of people.
Vegetable in second place to associate with Cheney: Ronald Reagan.
Needs more Ketchup.
and they are easily inserted into any orifice.
And, they appear in your poop.
Pretty sure that fits the Cheney analogy somehow.
Dick Cheney said* Barack Obama will be a one-term president. Hooray!
_______________________
* He's been wrong about everything.
I would have stocked it with little bags of those disgusting orange Circus Peanuts.
Or D-Con.
Who the hell eats those things? I have sent those as a gag (double meaning) gift.
We have stores in the Midwest called Fleet Farm that stocks those by the truck load.
Triple icky.
They work great for insulating drafty windows in the winter time.
why not styrofoam peanuts?
Not that peachy color.
Made a mess in the helicopter
Like Bo? Did Cheney shit on the floor?
That's how I read it.
The peanuts were for Chimpee. Remember him?
Chimpee do special tricks for peanuts.
Thought pretzels were his snack food of choice?
Yes, but did Dick Cheney have a dick, or was he a Ken doll-type like Scott Walker?
But peanuts attract elephants!
Butt peanuts attract downfisting trolls.
How much better off would the world and the US be if those were his only bad traits?
You know…if I had a choice between OBL and Dick….hmmm.
OBL was responsible for the deaths of only 2,930 innocent people ….
And one clown.
Bong. "This is your Captain speaking. I have turned off the Fasten Your Seatbelt sign."
Bong. "This is your Captain speaking. I am now going to do a barrel roll."
Bong. This is your Captain smoking.
"Captain, you have to fly the Vice President in Air Force Two."
Bartender: "Last call for alcohol!"
Where's Foster Brooks when you need him? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jNNFqQODKE
"New Allegations Say Cheney Was a Dick…." Albeit a very tiny one.
Nothing Lynne Chaney ever lost any sleep about…
I'm sure she and hubby just closed the lid and slept like babies 'till sundown.
He…left a mess in the helicopter.
Not to mention in Iraq, in Afghanistan…and that’s not even considering the mess he made in the US…
Hey, fetus blood needs peanutty goodness, even when it's fresh and warm.
He…left a mess in the helicopter.
Not to mention in Iraq and Afghanistan…and don't get me started on the mess left in the US…
I'm not shocked at all.
New allegations?
Did he actually eat all those peanuts, or did he perform some unspeakably perverse sexual act with them?
I've been trying to figure out how peanuts fit into unholy rituals that allow people with no heartbeat to walk among us.
Cheney would sell the peanuts to Halliburton at a 5000% profit and Halliburton would sell them back to the government at a 10000% profit to stock Cheney's plane. They used the same twelve bags of peanuts for eight years.
That's probably closest to the truth.
Winner! We have a winner!
He also pissed all over the toilet seat on Airforce One, but nobody reports THAT. #liberalmediabias
I am shocked. He always seemed so friendly…
His CIA code name wasn't the Judge for nothing.
Anyone…? No Cormac McCarthy fans?
In at least two Cormac McCarthy books there are scenes featuring skewered infants. And in most of his books, there are graphic descriptions of bloodshed and violence. So, are you saying Dick Cheney IS Cormac McCarthy? It all makes sense now.
yes, scared.
A dick who likes nuts in his mouth. Sounds about right to me.
Well, his daughter loves teabaggin, too. Had to come from somewhere.
If this is the worst they can remember about Darth Cheney, sounds particularly feeble. Meh, we have to clean up after him?! Didn't everyone??…
Typical MSM Liberal bias. How can you have bloodied 10-year-old Guantanamo detainees when they have been drained of blood?
Dick also drowned kittens with his bare hands just for the fun of it before he graduated to waterboarding humans.
Peanuts? Peanuts? Young man, you are extremely lucky that unholy vampire fuck wasn't sucking the blood out of your neck.
Hey, at least that other world-famous mass murderer, Osama bin Laden always knew where to get good weed.…
Oh, peanuts? I misread this at first.
Could have fooled me. I thought his favorite snack was aborted fetuses.
If there was ever anyone I would wish a peanut allergy on, it'd be this man.
Rare is it when hearing Cheney's name that "Masters of War" doesn't start playing in my head.
Had a friend who took offense, a couple of years ago, to some remarks I made about Cheney the Dick. This guy claimed that the Cheneys were family friends and "wonderful people." To which I replied, "I'm sure even Hitler had a few friends."
Needless to say, this guy is no longer a friend of mine…
Salute.
Cheney is an asshole? This is new information?
I bet he's super tee'd off that the Navy Seals got there first and he missed out on the biggest canned hunt of ALL TIME
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