Sure, everyone, talk about Osama bin Laden all you want, just ignore that Harry Reid ALSO ALMOST DIED this morning. Whatever would this country do if Harry Reid was not the Senate majority leader? Replace him with Chuck Schumer or Dick Durbin and promptly forget he existed? Yes, probably. But maybe we would take weeks off to mourn the sudden loss of the greatest American never to walk on the Moon. This morning, Harry Reid was out jogging when suddenly he was hit by a car. Reid was taken to the hospital and he’ll be okay, so the assassination plot failed. But the most devious part of this story is that the car was just sitting there parked. We’re not sure how one is injured by a stationary car, but it sounds absolutely harrowing.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) dislocated his shoulder and suffered a bump to the forehead after slipping Wednesday morning while exercising in the rain. [...]
Reid fell after leaning with his hand on a wet parked car. His hand slipped and the leader tumbled to the ground.
What a disgusting disregard for human life! Get away from your computers and go hunt down this terrorist automobile, Washingtonians! Avenge Harry Reid! Murder this car, take photos of this corpse, and release them to the public so the terrorists know what the United States of America DOES to cars that try to kill our politicians with slippery dew. [The Hill]
{ 156 comments }
How do we know that this man wasn't the NAVY SEAL that took down OBL? Did anyone actually see him on Sunday night? This guy is a real Ninja. Well, as much of a Ninja as Irene Ryan was.
Irene Ryan! Irene Ryan! It always about Granny Clampett with you isn't it Barb?
Yeah, pretty much.
Or Chris Farley.
Oh God, now I am going to have that SNL Chippendale's sketch on my mind for the rest of the day.
He slipped on a van down by the river!
Remember: cars don't kill people… oh wait a minute, yes. Yes they do kill people.
Hume Cronyn, Killer For Hire….
JEEEDDDDD!!!
Was it a black car?
Possibly a Puerto Rican car.
Some Puerto Rican car.
Its was White at first then yada yada yada now its Black.
I heard it was "light skinned, with no negro dialect unless it wanted to have one."
It was Muslin, of course!
WIN
I have heard of lhasa apsos dying by running into the back of a parked car, but this is the first Congressman-related parked-car near-death incident that I have heard tell of.
Who'd a thunk rain makes cars slippery?
Not a guy from an arid hellforge like Nevada, obviously.
After working on the flight line at Nellis for two summers, I believe that is the State Nickname for Nevada. The Arid Hellforge State.
It wasn't so much the rain as it was the peel.
Another one of those DC moments of: "No one saw this coming."
I've said it before and I'll say it again Zymol, is worth every penny!
Jesus, I do that every morning, except replace "jogging" with "suffering from hangover" and "wet car" with "steps leading from my terrible room".
Hooray! Obama's stone cold killin' has deflected the accusation that democrats are wimps and now we can awwwwwwwwwww nuts
Harry… knock this shit off. There are too few decent guys in your line of work… we need 'em all to remain upright.
I love Harry Reid after reading an article about him , he sounds like such a wonderful man.
In the words of the mighty Sharron Angle, it's time for Harry Reid to MAN UP!
If Sharron had been attacked by a car, she'd a worked it over from bumper to bumper with a crowbar and a hacksaw, leaving no functioning part behind.
How can anyone respect the USA when our leadership is beaten up by stationary automobiles?
Shoot it over the left headlight?
Also, her teeth. Also.
When is Obama going to stop pussyfooting and release the photos of Harry Reid's injuries?
I'll bet it was a foreign-made car. Has anyone seen it's import registration?
Long form import registration.
"We’re not sure how one is injured by a stationary car"
It happened to me once. Of course I was piss drunk at the time.
This happens to me all the time.
What's more, the stationary wet car outclassed Harry in the charisma department.
Was Harry jealous of attention that his wife and daughter received when they were in a real car accident? Too soon?
Slipped by himself? Who is he suing, then?
He probably called Crist on his Jitterbug first thing.
his insurance company
Dennis Kuchinich.
Donald Trump.
When has the lack of a clear target for a lawsuit every stopped anyone American from suing anyone or anything for that matter?
Can we trade the blood from his injury for some oil?
This had to be the work of a foreign car. No doubt about it. I say we export ALL foreign cars back from wenst they came or next thing ya know there will be suicide car bombings all over M'erica.
edit: Jesus, is "wenst" even a word?
whence. wait–lemme look that up 'cause that sounds right but the spelling doesn't look right for some reason. (Prolly just doubting myself as usual).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBW2z0NZ5zA
and yep it's whence
Thanks. I really need to stop referencing the "S.Palin's New M'ercan Dicktionary".
Why ask Jesus?
"Jesus, is "wenst" even a word?"
Yeah, it is. I looked it up wunst.
mishaps like this are why sarah palin is fighting to keep america fat.
Vice President Biden's motorcade stops for no man.
(Let that one sink in for a minute…)
So if Harry is no hu-man, then what is he?
Devo?
Was the car named Christine? How about K.A.R.R.?
Effin' awsome. I love evil Hoffmister. "just glue a sole patch on him and he'll look really sinister"
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/137/321684308_820c...
Body by Fisher, Soul by Satan?
These slippery people, help us understand.
This is why we need to drill in the national parks and in deep water. If we had less dependence on foreign oil that car would have been moving and Harry wouldn't have gotten his boo-boo. DRILL BABY DRILL!!!!!
He was probably jogging with an iPod blasting ABBA which would probably make getting run over kind of a relief.
Was this one of Sharon Angle's Second Amendment Remedies?
Turtle Wax remedy?
Dislocated shoulder: temporary setback. Misplaced balls: chronic condition.
Win some, lose some. Our President may be a killa, our Senate Majority Leader gets hit by a parked car.
Now the downfisting troll is protesting Reid comments? I think the troll may be bi-polar, bi-partison, bi-curious?
and bi-ignorant.
That would in fact be a great improvement. It is clearly omni-ignorant.
Not bi-winning.
Robert Novak just ran someone over in his grave.
He shouldn't be driving in the graveyard.
He's running down angels in heaven now, bless his heart.
And, by angels I meant demons and by heaven I meant hell and by "running down" I meant "being run down by".
The car is on its way to Guantanamo Bay.
Headline should have been-
"Harry Reid Injured By…Dew"
No headlines on this. Those dews control the media.
Troll got me within seconds to prove my point. Good for page views, not so good for pee-ness points.
It was a terrible, terrible car, especially compared to the very, very luxurious cars that Donald Trump drives.
He drives?
Right you are! Make it "that Donald Trump rides in while someone with more brains and class than he has drives him around, the hapless driver comforting himself with gruesome death scenarios for the toad in the back seat."
Has anybody seen the
long form birth certificatecarfax report of this particular car? Is there any guarantee it was not a muslim-socialist-kenyan-american-job-killer car?You're so lame troll. How could you have down fisted THIS!!!?
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/137/321684308_820c...
It's too cool! It's evil David Hasselhoff!!! EVIL DAVID HASSELHOFF!!!! DON'T YOU GET IT? EVIL HASSELHOFF!!!
This is why abortions need to stay legal. Chances are just as good that the next fetus that is aborted could be the next Downfister of Hasselhoff as the next Mother Teresa.
I liked it.
Did they call them "soul patches" back in the 80s?
Crikey! Were you caught leaning on a wet car in your jogging suit?
Until they post the video on U-tube, you'll have to be satisfied with this eyewitness account:
Harry.
Car.
Harry.
Car.
Harry. Car.
Harry Car
HarryCar
HARRYCAR
HARRY!!!!!1!! [blood on sidewalk]
LMAO
Egads. I upfisted the troll by mistake. I will now watch a Sharron Angle campaign video with my eyelids taped open to atone for my sins. Hope I didn't get Santorum on my fist….
Cars are running-cars are parked. Nobody knows why.
How come a car has 4 tires and a hover craft has none? You can't explain it.
Drivin' on parkways, parkin' in driveways, bein' just cold slippy to Harry Reid.. Who can say? The truth is out there.
You know who else chases parked cars?
Who can resist a crazy Ben Franklin-type person running up to your window shouting what sounds like 'Blurp Blop Sarah! Sarah!' You roll down the window to see what the hell it wants or needs, and then it takes a dump by your car. It's like you're on safari..
Dogs who belong to public-employee unions. But I don't know how many of them it takes to chase a parked car.
*sings*
I feel pretty…
Oh, so pretty…
(with apologies to Richard Harris and Donna Summer, respectively)
Harry threw his shoulder out
in the rain…
I didn't think that he could take it,
But at least he didn't break it,
So he won't be using
Obamacarethe Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act again.Oh nooooooooooooooo!
a) Someone left the car out in the rain;
b) Richard Harris and Donna Summer should apologize to the rest of us for that song.
To be precise:
1. Jimmy Webb should apologize for the song.
2. Richard Harris should apologize for ever singing. Ever.
3. Donna Summer should apologize for disco, but particularly for covering this piece of shit.
Given the incident, & the photo for this post, I would say Reid is morphing into Kucinich.
Losing one's p-ness really hurts, but it should grow back as it has for some of the other victims of the p-ness thief.
Hand slips off, Harry goes down. Ya can't explain it. C'mon.
I ran into a car once, at full speed. I grew up in the woods, so learned to look at the ground at all times (for snakes), and I was visiting relatives in suburban Seattle and running along the sidewalk and somebody had parked their car across the sidewalk and BOOM. Fortunately, I weighed about 55 pounds at the time, so not that major an impact.
/CSB?
As an ex-boxer, Reid should have known better.
He fell for the car's Rope-a-Dope trick…
Jogs like a butterfly, slips like a
DemocratReid."Reid fell after leaning with his hand on a wet parked car. His hand slipped and the leader tumbled to the ground."
Where's YouTube when you need it? Just goes to show that you should never leave the house without your LifeAlert bracelet if you are old and clumsy….and it is raining.
Is Harry Agent Smith? The bumbling is just a ruse.
Probably Agent 86–Harry was trying to grab his shoe phone.
Dislocated shoulder? Could be out for the season. Will Reid be put on the 15 day or 60 day disabled list? Who are they bringing up from the minors?
What, we're not talking baseball? Nevermind.
Channeling Dennis Kucinich much there Reid?
Simonizing FTW!
In the car's defense, Sen. Reid was attempting to strike up a conversation about policy with it.
Go on Harry, Do the Dew!
First time I see Reid, hand and wet in the same line.
It's the American way, after all. And one that I'm very much happy to embrace.
Haha… I replied to the wrong post there.. and my reply was perhaps even funnier in the wrong context, but I've deleted it anyway.
This is why I refuse to exercise.
Later the car showed up at Reid's house, drank all his beer and fucked his wife.
"Honey, why do you have motor oil all over yourself and on your mouth, by golly? Since when have you been into automobile maintenance?"
I'm going to need some help dumping this car into the ocean.
Now I don't want to let on and help the terrorists win but I was in several parts of downtown DC today and saw no increase in security- not on the Mall, not on Metro and not anywhere near Connecticut and K. Now I see why- all forces must have been called on to track down this vicious car!
This is an obvious Al Qaeda plot. Diabolical geniuses are leaving damp, parked cars all over Washington. If you see something, say something.
Where I come from, if you're dumb enough to lean on a car that isn't your own, you'll be lucky to come out of the experience with no more than a bump on the head and a dislocated shoulder. Plus, I know boxers; if Harry moves as fast as he thinks and speaks, he is more Heavy Bag than Boxer. Oh, wait, Orrin Hatch is a boxer too, don't forget. The Senate is just chock full of baddass motherfuckers. Oh well, I'm half right.
Thank mormon jesus he is more dexterous politically than physically…..cough.
The well being of my Pee score dictates that I not call for the release of photos of the car.
Stop pussy-footing around, Harry. Also, to…
I saw some graffiti scribbled in Mitch McConnell's bathroom:
Reid's
the problem
slippery wet automobile hood
is the answer
gO bACK TO sEARCHLIGHT!11!!
Was a drunken Laura Bush behind the wheel?
Mais oui! She's practically the patron sainte of drunk drivers.
I had a dog once that ran into a parked car. She hit it so hard that she slid half-way under it and I had to take her to the vet to be checked out. I thought that she was a stupid dog for doing that.
No wonder this country is going to the dogs.
I heard the TSA was giving Harry a pat down at the airport when the TSA agent realized a crevas was present where a bump should be present, which then led to a tussle and Harry blowing out his shoulder!
Maybe stationary should be stationery??
Breaking News! Car just found shot thru the left headlight. Photos to follow.
Oh noes. The photo will just agitate the other stationary cars. Soon we will all be falling down near parked cars.
Al-Carda claimed responsibility.
Obviously, the car is a Teabagger.
Obviously a late-model car… the sheet metal (and chrome bumpers) of an old American land yacht would have done him in for sure.
I wish they'd release the 'growsome' photos, but that'll never happen.
Harry Reid: Forgotten but not gone.
From what I recall, he found that Plymouth Fury in a field, old, unused, and overgrown with bush.
So yeah, that's itinerant Senate candidate Christine!
I heard that Harry Reid offered to raise the white flag to OBL (like he did prior to the Iraq surge) but Hillary Clinton took him to the wood shed mintues beforehand.
I want to know where Andrew Breitbart was at the time Harry Reid "slipped" on said car. Harry needs to sharpen his boxing skills, by all accounts, he is a little rusty.
That car may have been parked, but it was definitely pursuing a second gear remedy.
Maybe Harry was just born slippy.
Will you just look at that photo! Talk about filth. The robot sex slave, with CAT scrawled cruelly alongside its haunches, is clearly beginning its ritual bend-over so as to endure yet another Harry Reaming.
I can't believe that he was injured that badly. What is his Mormon underwear for, if it doesn't protect the wearer from damage from parked cars. Holy underwear, Harry! You need a new pair.
Worst. Accident. Ever.
I slipped whilst leaning on a wet car. Yeah, right. He might as well have just busted out the old "I fell down the stores." story.
Either way, we should call in Seal Team Six to deep-six this potentially murderous auto.
Bin Laden's Revenge!
"He might as well have just busted out the old "I fell down the stores." story. "
I fell down the stairs when I was a kid, and I once actually got a black eye from walking into a door, but never have I fallen down the stores.
You prolly need more coffee, huh?
You know what other automobiles have sought and/or achieved the maiming or killing human beings?
#3?
My Mother, the Car?
I've dislocated my shoulders many times, both at once while water skiing one time. Finally got one fixed, took over a year to recover. I don't want to go through that again, though the drugs were sublime. Get well soon, Harry, then retire. Please.
BTW, Harry, if you dislocated your shoulder, you're doing it wrong…if you know what I mean.
Plus, trying to embrace something expends more calories than I'm willing to give. It's too strenuous a task, so I just don't do it. If I didn't have to breath, I wouldn't.
How is the car? HOW IS THE CAR?!
CAN'T WE GET WONKETTE TO COVER BADGERS WITH GPS???!?!?
jeez.
First Dennis Kucinich gets his teeth knocked out by an olive pit, and now this. Have Nixon's plumbers been reconstituted?
Can't teach an old dog new tricks. Harry is out chasing cars again, but if he caught one he wouldn't know what to do with it.
Comments on this entry are closed.