Osama bin Laden had cash totaling 500 Euros and two telephone numbers sewn into his clothing when he was killed — sure signs that he was prepared to flee his compound at a moment’s notice — top U.S. intelligence officials told members of Congress at a classified briefing in the Capitol Tuesday.
But did his mother attach his mittens to his sleeves? What if he got cold? And what if he got hungry and forgot to call the emergency numbers? Did he have some fruit snacks sewn in there too?
The most striking detail is that he carried euros. Remember all those years when the U.S. had the world’s undisputed number-one currency? Our currency became just as afraid of this man as we were. [Politico]
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Weird. And a lot of trouble to go to. All this time I'd have thought that's what they kept stashed under the turbans & burqas.
Did anyone check the rest of his clothes in his closet? Did they all have money & phone numbers sewn into them or did they sew them into each new outfit as he dressed each day?
if he were a true hipster islamic extremist, he'd have been wearing the skinny fit multi-pocketed jihad robe sold exclusively at turban outfitters.
Ow ow ow ow ow! Damn you!
Also sewn into his clothes: 3 frozen pizzas, a frisbee, a shitload of coupons, lice comb, Nintendo DS, Avon Skin-So-Soft.
…box of kittens, last month's Playboy, one half-eaten Hot Pocket (barbecue chicken)…
One Monopoly "Get out of jail free" card
Were they Godfather's Pizzas?
If he carried dollars they would probably be Canadian dollars.
Was one of the emergency phone numbers the 1-800 line to Morgan & Morgan?
Shoulda had some Kevlar sewn in there…
Wouldn't have helped much with a head shot.
Kevlar Ray Bans then, too… also.
Did he also have idiot mittens sewn together with a string that ran across the shoulders so if you pull on one, he punches himself in the face?
Didn't Mittens Romney invent those?
He's a Muslin: The string ran to a suicide vest.
Did his mittens have that string that goes all the way up one sleeve and down the other? What day of the week was written on his Underoos?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0
What a loser. Should have watched more Bourne movies.
Euros, how would those poor citizens feel, being sewn into clothes?
No wonder he didn't get out much. The other kids would have been all over the loser in Onesies…
Survival kit contents check. In them you'll find: one .45-caliber automatic, two boxes ammunition, four days' concentrated emergency rations, one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills, one miniature combination "Rooshin" phrase book and Bible, one hundred dollars in rubles, one hundred dollars in gold, nine packs of chewing gum, one issue of prophylactics, three lipsticks, three pair of nylon stockings… Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff
YEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!
Osama had multiple wives, right?
"Doctor, you mentioned the ration of ten women to each man. Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?"
"Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious… service along these lines, the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature"
'If you're not telling the truth, you'll have to answer to…The Coca-Cola Company!"
I forgot to attribute that quote: – Col. "Bat" Guano.
And Obama has denied us his essence. Good!
Wasn't worth nothin' anyway – the floride in the water ruined it.
She also taped a sign on his back whenever he went out: "Hey strangers, sweet ass here–yours for the taking"
Was one of the telephone numbers for Arbusto Energy?
Carlyle Group after hours numbers
Far more telling was the Polaroid photo of George Bush with this scribbled on the back: "DON'T BELIEVE HIS LIES. HE IS THE ONE. KILL HIM."
You see, Osama had this condition…
Gah…my Dr. Strangelove reference was already poached. I fucking hate this place sometimes….
Oh, the day we'd have here if they'd found Survival Seeds and Palin's cell number. . .
One word: Goldline.
I anxiously await photos of his Garanimals wardrobe!
Dang you!!
I was going to say Terranimals!!
You know who else disdained American greenbacks & asked to be compensated in Euros?
Dick Morris's whore toe suckers?
Ron Paul?
No, he insisted on being paid in KrugerRANDS.
Glen Beck?
Goldline?
Jesus?
Some famous model — Giselle Bundchen?
OPEC?
Me, except I get renminbi.
OT (sort of): Has Fox News actually referred to Osama as Osama yet?
A number of times, though the most egregious switcheroo yet was uttered by ol' Glenn Beck himself on his Monday, May 2 show:
That's not verbatim, though it's pretty damn close. However, I may have been the only person in the world to catch it because I haven't seen it mentioned anywhere else. (It really, truly did happen, though!)
If you're looking for the clip, he was wearing a mint shirt, pink tie, and beige tweed blazer (really!), I think it was during his opening "monologue", and he was all up in the camera when he said it. (Also really!)
cash totaling 500 Euros and two telephone numbers sewn into his clothing when he was killed — sure signs that he was prepared to flee his compound at a moment’s notice
1. Um, how far was he going to get with 500 Euros?
2. The world's most feared terrorist can't remember two phone numbers?
Apparently, he was also a member of Al-Zheimer.
This deserves more recognition than it has gotten; therefore I will steal it.
tell jack stuef that is an awfully jejune mockery of OBL. I'm sure if stuef was ever in OBL's position he would have a hugely dignified and un-mockable plan for escape. involving an Aston Martin with an ejector seat .We just haven't heard it.
I love you for using "jejeune" here on the Wonkette
In just a few minutes now, your dad will be forwarding you an email saying that OSAMA BIN LADIN HAD SOROS NUMBER ON HIM WHEN HE WUZ KILLDED
Sounds like the Romanoves… didn't work out so well for them, either.
€500 would last him about an hour and a half in Paris, if he rode the Metro instead of taking a taxi. Not good planning, Osama's mommy!
Betcha' he had some stinky britches.
Terr'ist summer camp is hell on jackets.
The clothing, cash and phone numbers are gone now, but on the bright side he now has Pig Genitalia sewn securely inside his mouth.
No wonder they won't release the photo.
Well, if you've seen one dead terrorist with a pig dick in his mouth, you've seen 'em all.
Speak for yourself. I want to see as many of them as exist.
Just a reminder: this is the guy the Bush administration took seven years to not find.
Just what happens when you… um… FLY IN AND BOMB THE SHIT OUT OF AN AREA when trying to get one guy. But then I guess you don't get to kill a bunch of innocent folks around the area if you do it somewhat stealthily… so that kinda sucks.
Of course not. They and he had a good thing going.
i think we need to move on from bin laden coverage. i mean, o'bama's school records aren't going to release themselves people.
Needs more "White House watermelon plantings".
Release the numbers! I'm in a feisty mood and I have a brand new air horn!
uhh, hate to tell you but Euros are worth more than dollars and therefore have more bullet stopping power
But Euros are all limp and frenchy. I have no doubt that ben franklin would save me. America, fuck yeah.
Euros? What an asshole!
I think it is rather hard to carry the true valued currency, you can't stuff virgins into your pockets.
Not if you expect them to remain virgins, anyway.
Also, "Wednesday" was sewn on his underwear. But Obamar says he was shot on Sunday. Teabaggers, please discuss.
And one of those compasses that points towards Mecca.
Phone numbers??
Dopey Osama didn't realize you can't even book a camel rental without using the Internet now-adays…
Kinda like O.J. for the slow speed Bronco chase.
Found in the George W. Bush Presidential Library:
"Dear Mr. Bush,
Please excuse little Osama's recent behavior. He promises not to be mean to any more Americans.
Osama's Mom"
Can of bean dip, some Salem Lights…
Does 500 Euros really go that far in Paki?
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