SEX FEAR VIOLENCE REPEAT FOREVER  10:48 pm May 3, 2011

‘Dead Osama’ Merchandise Makes End Of America Official

by Riley Waggaman

...in accordance with Islamic practice and tradition.Uh, what’s that famous & misattributed Sinclair Lewis quote? “When fascism comes to America, it will be wearing a sexy WE GOT HIM ladies-tee, and it will have an iPhone squeezed between its voluptuous titties, so that the government will always know where it is.” Anyway! Now all you war-mongering yuppie mongrels can purchase “Osama’s Dead” t-shirts for your dogs, so that they can have something fancy to wear at the “dog park” whilst you pleasure each other with freedom-dome in the bushes, or wherever. If Joe Goebbels were alive, he would be masturbating so furiously right now that his dick would catch fire from all the violent friction.

Here’s a sample of the Freedom Schwag currently available. (Have your Visa or MasterCard ready!):

•T-shirts. Already, there are hundreds of designs. The website Tshirthell.com, has sold hundreds of $20 T-shirts that show a stick figure version of a victorious, flag-carrying American standing over the dead stick figure (complete with scraggly beard) of bin Laden. “We made a batch of them and already need to make a bunch more,” says Mika Larson, executive director.

A $21.35 T-shirt on Zazzle.com simply says: “Obama killed Osama.”

•Buttons. In making a marketable joke of bin Laden’s burial at sea, a $5 button sold on CafePress.com shows a photo of bin Laden under the line “Fish Food.”

•Coffee mugs. A coffee mug shows bin Laden in a gun sight under these words: Death by U.S. Navy Seals, May 1, 2011. It sells for $15 at CafePress.com.

•Caps. A $15 cap on CafePress.com treats the event like the collegiate basketball tournament that Obama likes to follow by listing the final two brackets as “Obama” and “Osama;” then showing the final bracket winner as “Obama.”

•Bumper stickers. A $3.95 bumper sticker at Zazzle.com shows pictures of bin Laden and Saddam Hussein with the question: Who’s Next?

•Neckties. It shows bin Laden in a gun sight under the line, “Justice: May 1, 2011″ goes for $31.75 on Zazzle.com

•Phone case. At $51.40, an iPhone case shows a photo of bin Laden with these words stamped across his face: “Mission Accomplished.” It’s sold at Zazzle.com

•Dog T-shirts. For $18, even your dog can wear a T-shirt that commemorates the day. The shirt, which says “Osama’s Dead,” is Facebook friendly with the familiar thumbs-up “Like” logo.

(By The Way: Questioning state-sponsored violence is a sign of weakness and intense homosexuality.)

Meanwhile, Obama refuses to “cut and run” in Afghanistan, because he is a true patriot. Endless War forever!

Your life is now a Tiësto music video. Pump your fists in celebration without really knowing why. Let the weird lights shine in your eyes. Everything is great:

Goodbye. [USA Today]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 237 comments }

Barb May 3, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Just in time for Mother's Day!

Fare la Volpe May 3, 2011 at 11:18 pm

And don't believe them when they say they made it in art class.

Dashboard_Jesus May 4, 2011 at 12:07 am

oh I can't WAIT to see her face when Mom puts that Obama-Osama t-shirt on, priceless!

Dr_pangloss May 4, 2011 at 8:04 am

People actually pay to see and listen to this crap? Amazing..

HELisforHEL May 4, 2011 at 12:13 pm

A fabulous sad song ruined by some idiot who's only talent is the ability to program a midi line.

ChapterUndVerse May 4, 2011 at 7:56 pm

What size is apple pie?

trampndirtdown May 3, 2011 at 10:52 pm

Ugh.

Lascauxcaveman May 4, 2011 at 12:52 am

Ugh, indeed.

WHERE THE HELL IS MY WONKETTE-DEAD-OBL-THEMED-SPORTSWEAR? If I'm going to rock the "OBL IS dead" thing, I want to do it as snarkilly and ironically as possible.

Get off the pot, Wonkette, there's money to be made here. Ken, do you want your kids to go to college or not?

undeterredbyreality May 3, 2011 at 10:54 pm

The revolution will not be televised. It will, however, be commercialized and printed on Cafe Press T-shirts.

Swampgas_Man May 4, 2011 at 7:54 am

I would declare these shirts Legitimate if it could be legally required that all wearers MUST have proof that they were part of the SEAL team that killed OBL. A "Death Certificate", if you will. Otherwise, strip 'em in public.

PsycWench May 4, 2011 at 8:04 am

And tattoos

politics_nerd May 3, 2011 at 10:54 pm

i make no apologies for the 247 times I have fapped since OBL's killing was announced. I will say, that is down off my average due to all the time watching the news, but I am still not about to apologize for it!

Boojum_Reborn May 3, 2011 at 11:42 pm

I want to send JSOC and the SEALs and their helicopters after Wall Street. Just ID and take out random broker/banker dudes.

zappadoo76 May 3, 2011 at 11:58 pm

You can do it at the same time. Works for me.

DownFist Troll May 3, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Godspeed good sir.

Dashboard_Jesus May 4, 2011 at 12:09 am

meh, I'm waiting for the bloody Osama porn pics before I get REALLY excited (srsly, buried at sea, WTF?)

vulpes82 May 4, 2011 at 12:44 am

These Wonkette editor downers (seriously, what's with them lately?) can't take away your right to fap! It's in the Declaration of Independence or something.

Doktor Zoom May 4, 2011 at 1:09 am

Your orders: Masturbate…with EXTREME PREJUDICE.

zhubajie May 4, 2011 at 4:58 am

Why waste your time watching TV news? Why not just drink gin from the bottle (as Garrison Keiller once recommended)?

memzilla May 3, 2011 at 10:56 pm

T-shirts with catchy slogans would have won the war for the Third Reich. "We're Marching To A Faster Pace," for example. Brown or black only, plz.

Midway117 May 3, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Lilac and sage not available in plus sizes.

WriteyWriterton May 4, 2011 at 12:04 am

"I'm with Arbeit Macht Frei."

Doktor Zoom May 4, 2011 at 12:43 am

You want Arbeit Macht Freis with that?

mog253 May 4, 2011 at 10:50 am

Freedom Freis in France.

metamarcisf May 3, 2011 at 10:58 pm

America. What a country.

emmelemm May 3, 2011 at 11:01 pm

In U.S. America, tasteless T-shirt wears you. (Or something to that effect.)

neiltheblaze May 4, 2011 at 7:28 am

Exceptional, aren't we?

wondering where i am May 4, 2011 at 11:30 am

Actually it is a continent. No, make that 2 continents.

smitallica May 3, 2011 at 10:58 pm

I'm still waiting to get my "Hiroshima: Me Rikey Flied Japs!" tee shirt from nukeswag.com

emmelemm May 3, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Holeee shit! I laughed, I felt ashamed. (Mirth sadness shame repeat.)

Dudleydidwrong May 3, 2011 at 11:00 pm

And, for Halloween, the Osama bin Laden rubber mask complete with the bullet hole above the left eye. For an extra $20 you can get a rubber version of bin Laden's left hand, just like the one that was removed from its owner for DNA-identification purposes.

Ruhe May 4, 2011 at 11:47 am

If you don't think that's already in production you are clearly not from around here.

nounverb911 May 3, 2011 at 11:01 pm

I holding out for the "Dead Cheney" hoodie.

Barb May 3, 2011 at 11:06 pm

That's sick! Hey Noun, cover for me in the morning. I have to go to the craft store to buy some hoodies.

nounverb911 May 3, 2011 at 11:08 pm

Will do? Want to go halfsies on the idea?

Barb May 3, 2011 at 11:11 pm

Done and done!

Dashboard_Jesus May 4, 2011 at 12:20 am

nice to see entrepreneurial capitalism alive and well on the Wonkette! USA!USA!

RadioGroundZero May 4, 2011 at 12:59 am

Free markets!!

Rosie_Scenario May 4, 2011 at 8:27 am

I'm picturing a "flat line" EKG. But, wait a minute, he already doesn't have a heart beat. Use your imagination — it sure to be festive.

mog253 May 4, 2011 at 10:51 am

Bedazzle!

BerkeleyBear May 3, 2011 at 11:57 pm

How will anyone know when to release the product? Of course we could go with the Brain Dead Bush T's and already have them up and running.

elviouslyqueer May 4, 2011 at 9:53 am

Can I send one of these to each of the GOP presidential also-rans hopefuls? COD, of course.

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum May 4, 2011 at 1:01 pm

I could go for a massive flight-suit codpiece featuring bent-over, naked W with a pained and startled look on his face.

memzilla May 3, 2011 at 11:03 pm

Needz moar gun rax.

emmelemm May 3, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Whither the Trucknutz?

bagofmice May 4, 2011 at 9:01 am

Brevity is the …

nounverb911 May 3, 2011 at 11:03 pm

The official Fox News t-shirt still reads: Obama's Dead!

bflrtsplk May 4, 2011 at 4:49 am

Which narrowly beat out Osama (D-Abbottabad) Dead.

Weenus299 May 3, 2011 at 11:06 pm

More bearded funny-hatted dudes must die! I sense a Ray Stevens revival.

Numbat_Dundee May 3, 2011 at 11:21 pm

But I thought they already got Lincoln.

crybabyboehner May 4, 2011 at 7:23 am

GuiTarzan?

memzilla May 3, 2011 at 11:06 pm

It's only a matter of time before the Complete Dead Muslin T-Shirt n' Koffee Kup Kollection comes out: "Stick Figure Got Him," "Ayatollah Assahola," and "Dam Saddam."

SwanSwanH May 3, 2011 at 11:08 pm

I'm with the stupids.

comptoneffect May 4, 2011 at 7:44 am

"I'm with the stupids" and I got the T-shirt to prove it. I know you meant it but sometimes you just got to spell it out.

GOPCrusher May 4, 2011 at 12:26 pm

I used to wear a "I see dumb people" T-shirt to work on casual days, but the new HR manager asked me to not wear it anymore. I think she figured out what it meant.

HempDogbane May 3, 2011 at 11:09 pm

I bought the official "Mission Accomplished" codpiece (in white) for $49.95 and paid the extra $10 for autograph by the twins.

Dashboard_Jesus May 4, 2011 at 12:38 am

fuck what I would pay to see that…oh wait, nevermind

One_Man_Band May 3, 2011 at 11:09 pm

That Tiësto video manages to somehow seem creepily facist and yet remain more annoying than threatening.

bokononista May 4, 2011 at 12:10 am

I'd be pressed to think any of the people there in the dancing orgy would agree, what with their heads rolling with a dose of Molly. Sobriety is not recommended at one of these "performances".

RadioGroundZero May 4, 2011 at 1:01 am

Kind of like italy circa 1943.

Doktor Zoom May 4, 2011 at 1:03 am

It's less Samuel Barber and more Demon Barber.

bagofmice May 4, 2011 at 9:10 am

The no-look double fist-up is the moment all programmers, organizers, and planners live for.

SaneCatLady May 3, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Today we are all Freedom-Schwag-wearing patriotic fapsters, for America!

the_problem_child May 3, 2011 at 11:12 pm

How about a "hiding in plain sight in the Bushes" tee?

Zvi_Bleindmeis May 3, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Riley, posting that Tiësto desecration makes you worse than Osama bin Laden. I'm still queasy.

Zvi_Bleindmeis May 3, 2011 at 11:20 pm

In observance of the passing of Osama been Dyin', how about you substitute the YouTube video of "O Sacred Head, Now Wounded," performed by barbershop quartet?

Respectfully,
Samuel Barber

Doktor Zoom May 4, 2011 at 1:15 am

Couldn't find that on short notice. But, hey, there's always this celebratory barbershop song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IN62wqBdbxA

Zvi_Bleindmeis May 4, 2011 at 8:26 am

I would also accept the klezmer version of the Brahms Requiem.

-S. Barber

Zvi_Bleindmeis May 4, 2011 at 8:44 am

Or a polka arrangement of the Kol Nidre.

-SB

iburl May 3, 2011 at 11:13 pm

I want bloody head!

imissopus May 3, 2011 at 11:14 pm

You stay classy, America.

Dashboard_Jesus May 4, 2011 at 1:00 am

hey, 'classy' is our middle (first?) name

Doktor Zoom May 4, 2011 at 1:07 am

We're classy as fuck.

Moonbat May 4, 2011 at 11:49 am

I'm in favor of this replacing "In God We Trust" on our currency.

Angry_Marmot May 4, 2011 at 6:47 am

Sell enough of them shirts and you'll be fartin' through silk.

Oblios_Cap May 4, 2011 at 8:22 am

Yuo've got be be classy first in order to stay classy.

bagofmice May 4, 2011 at 9:12 am

It's the Trump doctrine…

Ruhe May 4, 2011 at 11:54 am

America says "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Negropolis May 4, 2011 at 10:22 pm

Keep fuckin' that chicken, America.

Fare la Volpe May 3, 2011 at 11:19 pm

And you thought Obama killed capitalism.

DownFist Troll May 4, 2011 at 12:00 am

Give him time, Kenyan anti-imperialists are a clever lot.

Fare la Volpe May 3, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Of course not. Socialisms. Freedom, also.

smokefilledroommate May 3, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Osama beards will replace BillyBob Teef in gumball machines everywhere.

MadBrahms May 3, 2011 at 11:26 pm

This is going to be the worst Halloween ever!

Extemporanus May 3, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Anyone know where I can get me a merkin made out of bin Laden's beard?

(It's for my mom…)

smokefilledroommate May 4, 2011 at 12:25 am

Casbah Press?

Doktor Zoom May 4, 2011 at 12:58 am

♬♪♬ And I'm proud to be a Merkin, where at least I know I'm free… ♬♪♬

Extemporanus May 4, 2011 at 2:42 pm

And I'm proud to be a Brazilian, where at least I know I'm clean.

RadioGroundZero May 4, 2011 at 1:05 am

Is your mom's name extemporhoohaw?
I can silk screen something for you.

emmelemm May 4, 2011 at 1:06 am

Nice.

Extemporanus May 4, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Extempordolores!

bagofmice May 4, 2011 at 9:14 am

Under the sea, Under the sea. Everything's better down where it's wetter, Under the Sea!

smokefilledroommate May 3, 2011 at 11:29 pm

"Osama forgot to say, Thank You President Bush!"©™® pat. pend.

sezme May 3, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Interestingly, that's the same T-shirt that John Wilkes Booth was selling when he was arrested.

riverside68 May 4, 2011 at 9:01 am

Booth's tee had a slightly different flag

SnarkoMarx May 4, 2011 at 10:23 am

Brilliant!

Chillwaver May 3, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Chinese-made, American Fascism goods for the ADD generation. Lovely…

SayItWithWookies May 3, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Leave it to capitalism to take the fun out of a good extrajudicial killing. Not that there's much one can do creatively with triumphalism that doesn't look childish. How 'bout one with OBL's picture that says "That's Done — Now Can I Have My Rights Back?"

Lascauxcaveman May 4, 2011 at 1:01 am

That is actually pretty damn good.

Doktor Zoom May 4, 2011 at 1:06 am

Oh, yes. I'd buy that.

Dashboard_Jesus May 4, 2011 at 1:17 am

jeez, always the party pooper ain't ya?

ChapterUndVerse May 4, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Sir, judicial murder has a long and honorable history, written by the winners, except here, where we're still working on the details, sir.

Barb May 3, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Don't try to kidnap a fat kid. Fat people are wayyyy harder to kidnap.
Man, we are all going to hell.

Extemporanus May 3, 2011 at 11:48 pm

True, though they do tend to keep longer.

sezme May 3, 2011 at 11:38 pm

By the way, it's a good thing that America isn't a particularly religious nation, because all that glorying in the death of your enemy seems like it might tempt the wrath of god, if anyone actually believed in him, rather than in just a pale shadow who cheers on whatever the hell we do, because we're so great all the time, forever, the end.

zappadoo76 May 4, 2011 at 12:19 am

I think there is something very Old Testament in the public reaction to the execution of Bin Laden.

Doktor Zoom May 4, 2011 at 12:56 am

Comes right down to it, most Real USA American fundagelicals like the OT God better, because he kicks ass. What with all that "feed the poor" and "love your enemy" stuff, that Jesus guy is sort of a pussy.

zhubajie May 4, 2011 at 5:02 am

No, the OT is full of "feed the poor" stuff. The NT has eternal punishment in the lake of fire because Jesus is angry with you.

Chet Kincaid May 4, 2011 at 8:27 am

I think you've got that backwards. Show me the Communism in the OT.

bagofmice May 4, 2011 at 9:17 am

Hey now. Jesus first revealed his divinity when he got everyone at the party drunker. Respect!

Dashboard_Jesus May 4, 2011 at 1:34 am

Colbert said it best methinks…"A GOLDEN IDOL TO WORSHIP, KNEEL BEFORE YOUR GOD BABYLON! (maybe Barry Manilow will save us?) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQDnXpSJQtA

zhubajie May 4, 2011 at 5:01 am

Well, a lot of born-agains worship the devil in exchange for health and wealth and the hope of ruling the rest of us with a rod of iron.

Negropolis May 4, 2011 at 6:21 am

America isn't a particular religious nation, to be honest. We just have a shit-load of poseur "cultural Christians" who couldn't quote you two full versus of the Bible if a gun was placed to their head.

Anyway, I'll get nervous if folks start calling for the parading of the bodies of their enemies through the urban canyons of Manhattan. Until then, I don't really care how people express their relief that this purveyor of mass deaths specifically targeting civilians can't hurt anyone else. This wasn't some far-away dictator we got tangled up with, where his or her killing would yield a more nuanced response. This was a singularly murderous, extra-national one-trick pony. America has elevated quite a few people as boogeymen who didn't much deserve the level of danger we ascribed to them. Bin Laden was one of the few I think we elevated who deserved his status as one of the most singularly dangerous/menacing humans on the globe.

I will not judge a man for excitedly breathing a sigh of relief for a day, or a family of one of those killed who finds some kind of closure in the fact that karma finally wound its way back around.

riverside68 May 4, 2011 at 9:16 am

Without our 'money for oil' Obama and the House of Saud would be a bunch of fratricidal goat herders known in the west only to anthropologists.

And inspite of it all, after having worked in the financial district for 15 years, I did feel a sense of closure. And I am glad Obama sent in men on the ground with guns who placed their lives on the line and made decisions about killing people face to face.

ShaveTheWhales May 6, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Obama?

finallyhappy May 4, 2011 at 8:37 am

I am on a religious listserve that has people wringing their hands over the celebrations or even just being happy he is dead. Mind you, no one on the list serve admits to celebrating but some people(like me) said well, I am glad the search is over and a mass murderer is dead. I was also glad when Jeffrey Dhamer got shanked in the chapel he was cleaning in the prison.

axmxz May 4, 2011 at 9:18 am

Americans believe in the vengeful Yahweh who loves them to the exclusion of all others, not merciful Jesus who loves the whole world. I'd say something about America being the true Zion, but I wouldn't to piss off my fellow heebs.

riverside68 May 4, 2011 at 10:38 am

Mission Accomplished.

Boojum_Reborn May 3, 2011 at 11:38 pm

Obama stick figure guy is too white.

SystemError May 3, 2011 at 11:39 pm

I would buy a T-shirt with a picture of that guy shooting his gun on his four-wheeler on it.

BZ1 May 3, 2011 at 11:45 pm

stick figures? stick figures, this the best you got??

PrimlyStable May 3, 2011 at 11:47 pm

"A $3.95 bumper sticker at Zazzle.com shows pictures of bin Laden and Saddam Hussein with the question: Who’s Next?"

Justin Bieber?

horsedreamer_1 May 4, 2011 at 9:18 am

Oh, whoa, oh, oh: I want to get to first base with you.

KathrynSane May 3, 2011 at 11:49 pm

I don't think it's just America's Wars. I think it's America.

Monsieur_Grumpe May 3, 2011 at 11:51 pm

What, no underwear? Bobble heads? Baseball caps? Black velvet paintings? Doilies?

BerkeleyBear May 4, 2011 at 12:00 am

Look for the Union Label! (seriously, they still exist – Dem campaign T's all get made by union houses to avoid embarrassing moments).

memzilla May 4, 2011 at 12:22 am

Commemorative plates and collectible coins in 7… 6… 5…

Lascauxcaveman May 4, 2011 at 1:05 am

Yeah, underwear. A thong with a little picture of OBL and the words "Nail This."

Monsieur_Grumpe May 4, 2011 at 8:47 am

You sir are a true capitalist pig. Well done!

finallyhappy May 4, 2011 at 8:38 am

I will be in the midst of Tourist Central in DC today- It may just be too early for production and distribution of those items. I'l see what the souvenir trucks have and let Wonkette know!

bokononista May 3, 2011 at 11:52 pm

Heard the SEAL team was ordered to be humble before the mission even commenced. Too bad this wasn't passed along to the Good Ole Patriots.
Why can't we just be glad about something without making asses of ourselves.

Bonzos_Bed_Time May 4, 2011 at 12:12 am

Humble about shooting an unarmed guy at point blank range, that takes serious cojones…

zappadoo76 May 4, 2011 at 12:14 am

It is very uncool. If they had AK-47s, they'd be shooting them into the air.

BerkeleyBear May 4, 2011 at 12:02 am

We may not do much else right, but we can still make crappy souveneirs to commemorate anything better than any other nation on earth.

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

PrimlyStable May 4, 2011 at 12:52 am

You should've tried visiting London in the week before the royal wedding: http://politicalscrapbook.net/2011/04/royal-weddi

finallyhappy May 4, 2011 at 8:41 am

On my way to get frozen yogurt in Dc last week(my reward for dealing with hundreds of tourists- for free!- my work is free- the yogurt is not), I stopped in at a cluster of souvenir stores near Ford's Theater. What an amazing collection of crap and Barry and Michelle ought to sue over some of the reproductions of them- hideous bobble heads and mini statues(hey, they are brown- what more do we expect).

Boojum_Reborn May 4, 2011 at 8:45 am

That used to be China's job.

DaRooster May 4, 2011 at 9:54 am

Do you really think they are better than bags o' dirt from Japan? I think they make the best at this point.

mormos May 4, 2011 at 9:17 pm

if you can't be the best at something, be mediocre and call it something different!

DownFist Troll May 4, 2011 at 12:03 am

This tee-shirt belongs in the osama wing of barry's future presidential library.

zappadoo76 May 4, 2011 at 12:03 am

The people where I work had some sort of ceremony at a tree they had planted on the lawn shortly after 9-11. They got portable chairs lined up in front of it and everything. I didn't hear what was said. Here is one possibility: "We thank you, O Lord, for the vengeance you have wreaked, by working your will through the hands of these brave Seals, amen."

Bonzos_Bed_Time May 4, 2011 at 12:05 am

Please Riley, enough with the "gun sights"… those are well documented as surveyor's marks.

WriteyWriterton May 4, 2011 at 12:07 am

If you cry, the terrorists win. Oh, wait, they won already, what with no more 4th, 6th, or 8th amendment protections when they're inconvenient.

MadBrahms May 4, 2011 at 12:10 am

As long as they don't take away our right to DANCE PARTY WOO SPRING BREAK '11 it's all good, right?

waitforsugar May 4, 2011 at 12:09 am

Unnecessary titties and masturbation references – check. I have missed you my pervy Riley smiley.

Steverino247 May 4, 2011 at 12:11 am

You left out the t-shirt with the Statue of Liberty holding up Osama's head. The t-shirt that says "Never send a cowboy to do a gansta's job." It gets better.

undeterredbyreality May 4, 2011 at 3:15 am

I actually like the idea of that Cowboy/Gangsta shirt. Good rip on Bushy.

starfanglednut May 4, 2011 at 7:29 am

awesome.

riverside68 May 4, 2011 at 9:23 am

I am so in. Where is the link?

(They say they weighted Osama's bag. Tell me it wasn't concrete shoes.)

cuzcorrelation May 4, 2011 at 12:11 am

Two things I never thought would go together: marketable joke, burial at sea.

Capitalism, know ye no bounds?

memzilla May 4, 2011 at 12:24 am

Bounds? Aisle 5… 3 for $5 (made in China).

riverside68 May 4, 2011 at 9:24 am

"they will sell you the rope to hang them with"

CookiE_MonstA May 4, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Two shots and a splash of water…

WriteyWriterton May 4, 2011 at 12:15 am

If Americans didn't crassly and noisily commercialize a complex moment in international affairs, how would anyone know it happened?

USAUSAUSAUSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuflans May 4, 2011 at 12:34 am

nedz moar clash.

Dashboard_Jesus May 4, 2011 at 12:36 am

sounds awesome, just make sure yer mullet is properly situated on said ball cap/ freedumb do-rag! http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/bl

Lucidamente1 May 4, 2011 at 12:36 am

I think Riley looks kinda cute in that T-shirt.

CalamityJames May 4, 2011 at 12:37 am

And just like that, American export rates tripled.

easynewz May 4, 2011 at 5:43 am

And just like that, American export rates tripled.

And just like that, American Chinese export rates tripled.

Fixed that for you.

seppdecker May 4, 2011 at 12:38 am

Where are the scooter and rascal accessories?

finallyhappy May 4, 2011 at 8:42 am

Someone needs to go to a Walmart and check

smokefilledroommate May 4, 2011 at 12:39 am

Unfortunately, you still need a 'Nobama' homemade racist scarecrow thing that you attach to the trailer hitch to drag around town.

chascates May 4, 2011 at 12:40 am

How about one with a picture of Bush saying "Still NOT missing him yet".

Selfish_T May 4, 2011 at 12:43 am

I dunno, Tiësto seems to suggest that Europe is worse than America.

Doktor Zoom May 4, 2011 at 12:51 am

"My President Sent the SEALs to Kill Osama Bin Ladin And All I Got Was This Lousy Bloody Shirt"

(Which can be waved for enhanced political rhetoric, as needed)

donner_froh May 4, 2011 at 12:59 am

I bought an "Osama is dead" t-shirt for my dog. He liked it so much he puked on it.

fuflans May 4, 2011 at 1:05 am

i think the righteous USA flag guy needs a bigger gut.

Jukesgrrl May 4, 2011 at 1:07 am

I invested in brush cutters with W's autograph on the handle, but they didn't sell. Turns out most Republicans are too busy inventing ways to cheat laborers out of pay to do any actual labor. Chuck Norris bought a dozen, though.

imissopus May 4, 2011 at 1:08 am

But these entrepreneurial small t-shirt makers will still have to pay high taxes thanks to Nobummer's job-killing economic policies! Even when we win, our small business owners lose.

Also, this reminds me when I was in college and one of my roommates gave me a t-shirt with Kurt Cobain's death certificate (long form) on it for Christmas. And the guy had only been dead for a few months then. Somehow this seems tackier, though.

Negropolis May 4, 2011 at 1:14 am

Can I just say that I have the very worst "Bin Laden Deathday" hangover? I was so high on it Sunday night, and it didn't wane until Monday, evening, but I totally crashed over Monday night.

Now, I don't want to hear about whether he used a human shield or not, whether he was armed or not, why Pakistan didn't know about him, what his "mansion" was like…I just. Don't. Care. I'm glad he's dead, but I don't want to hear anymore. He makes me ill just seeing him. I didn't know it was going to be like this on the other end of his death.

Doktor Zoom May 4, 2011 at 1:23 am

Oh the press still hounded you
All the papers had to say
Was that Osama was shot through the eye

And it seems to me, you lived your life
Like an asshole in a cave…

PuckStopsHere May 4, 2011 at 2:11 am

This is oh so very well done.

RadioGroundZero May 4, 2011 at 1:41 am

Watch what you wish for, now every third post is going to be about what's her name.

Negropolis May 4, 2011 at 3:20 am

To be clear, this wasn't a criticism of Wonkette or even the news, rather my visceral reaction to seeing the guys' name in print or his face on the television. I know that we need to know more about ; to not ask questions would be doing oneself a disservice, it's just that it's so hard for me to keep ingesting this stuff at the moment.

finallyhappy May 4, 2011 at 8:43 am

Kate middleton?

Negropolis May 4, 2011 at 10:13 pm

Yes, Kate Middleton, and don't anyone say anything else. lol

Biel_ze_Bubba May 5, 2011 at 11:40 am

My only thought about OBL is that his 15 minutes went on for far too long. Looking forward to his oblivion, starting next Monday.

El Pinche May 4, 2011 at 1:21 am

I cut myself and drank my own blood tonight in celebration. I topped the night off with Usama Bin Laden on Biography channel. Needless to say I'm eager to talk about Trump and GOP parade of morans again.

bagofmice May 4, 2011 at 9:29 am

So you're saying that you want the wonket to turn around and give you a solid Trumping?

Warpde May 4, 2011 at 1:27 am

Even in my warpde, twisted, perverted, sadistic mind I have a hard time finding myself willing to purchase any of this crap.
Well, except for the girl. How much?
Does she come with or without the shirt on?

ttommyunger May 4, 2011 at 6:19 am

"Your children, how much for your children?"

riverside68 May 4, 2011 at 9:28 am

her coming as is, is extra. and it is even more with the shirt off

El Pinche May 4, 2011 at 1:31 am

Lara Logan is now modeling for Freedom Schwag?? Damn! The Biz is HARD.

mavenmaven May 4, 2011 at 1:32 am

No t-shirts of Sarah Palin shooting Osama with a rifle?
I'm guessing that stick figure is not Bristol.

PuckStopsHere May 4, 2011 at 2:09 am

Nobody in that Tiësto music video is using Ecstasy, right?

bagofmice May 4, 2011 at 9:30 am

Let me wipe off the glitter and do a spot check.

natl_indecency_cmdr May 4, 2011 at 2:18 am

we used to be deadly afraid of nukes, of the soviet union. i remember in 6th and/or 8th and/or 10th grade, teachers saying 'they could have already launched the nukes. the nukes could be on their way!' yeah, well, nothing but heavy breathing, pomp, and circumstance. listen youngsters, these bullies they try to drag out in front of you are nothing but a distraction. thirty to forty thousand people die in automobile accidents in america every year. you want to start a new "see something, say something" campaign? you'd be better served to tell your local reps that someone cut you off and nearly killed you.

now go have lovely sex.

finallyhappy May 4, 2011 at 8:46 am

YES. It is raining here in Dc so the greatest threat today isn't terrorism(never is)- it is the people who normally don't drive but in the rain they do(so they don't get wet on the way to or from Metro).

And I am so old- I remember sitting in the hallway or under desks because of the Cuban Missle Crisis.

DerrickWildcat May 4, 2011 at 2:27 am

Thanks for ruining a beautiful piece for me.

DerrickWildcat May 4, 2011 at 2:29 am

oh, and a moment of silent reflection for me as well…but that ain't your fault. In this post-dignity world…we are all ghouls.

zhubajie May 4, 2011 at 4:57 am

Remember when Saddam Hussein was arrested? Did it make any difference in the end? How about Manuel Noriega? Is cocaine in shorter supply now than before George the Elder's invasion of Panama? These wars are all about vanity and attempting to rule the world.

Oblios_Cap May 4, 2011 at 8:52 am

All wars are basically trade wars, usually for control of natutral resources or access to warm water ports. You know, to benefit our corporate betters using taxpayers' money. It's kind of ironic when you realize the benificiaries usually don't pay any taxes to support these endeavors.

zhubajie May 5, 2011 at 6:39 am

You are not wrong, but please don't over estimate the rationality ofour Fearless Leaders.

zhubajie May 4, 2011 at 5:00 am

Probably it goes to the Palin campaign!

easynewz May 4, 2011 at 5:55 am

Uhm, I'm confused, Riley. Which American official died?

easynewz May 4, 2011 at 6:02 am

If I wasn't afraid of my p-ness shrinking, I'd post a link to a lovely .jpg showing Osama buttsecksing Dubya. Ah well, you worthly pervs will have to use your imaginations. Also, brain bleach.

riverside68 May 4, 2011 at 9:33 am

Talk is cheap.

And Obama better be using a stap on, He may be a 007 Harvard Law Gansta but I think Michelle owns his junk.

Rotundo_ May 4, 2011 at 6:08 am

Don't forget the 1000 watt amp for the car stereo and dual 15 inch subs so you can crank out the Lee Greenwood and Let the Eagle Soar at 3 AM for your neighbors when you come home from the bars. They'll love the patriotic music and the pretty puke on the lawn!

ttommyunger May 4, 2011 at 6:24 am

Wow! Great video! Did not know cameras were allowed in "Jehovah's Witnesses" Services.

Sassomatic May 4, 2011 at 6:34 am

How long before someone is selling "Osama's Dead" reusable cloth menstrual pads on Etsy?

finallyhappy May 4, 2011 at 8:46 am

Thanks- I will start on that right now

lochnessmonster May 4, 2011 at 6:41 am

Where are the commemorative plates, minted gold coins? I'm sure we'll be seeing them sold on teevee soon.

neiltheblaze May 4, 2011 at 7:35 am

Samuel Barber is rolling over in his fucking grave. That was disgusting. "C'mon make some noise!!" wtf?

weejee May 4, 2011 at 7:41 am

Whodda thunk America woulda become a nation of Dead Heads?

Terry May 4, 2011 at 7:46 am

Honestly, I think any swag associated with this should completely avoid the phrase "Mission Accomplished". Wee bit of baggage there.

cheetojeebus May 4, 2011 at 8:01 am

From R. Crumb's iconic 'keep on trucking' tees to this? a couple stick figures? where is American's exceptualism?

proudgrampa May 4, 2011 at 8:01 am

If questioning State-Sponsored violence is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

And that chick with the t-shirt is HAWT. Also.

Dr_pangloss May 4, 2011 at 8:02 am

"That will keep you going through the show.. c'mon it's time to go."

AJW@[redacted] May 4, 2011 at 1:05 pm

You don't have to go home, you just can't stay here.

Beetagger May 4, 2011 at 8:11 am

It's like celebrating the 4th of July in Provo, Utah.

deanbooth May 4, 2011 at 8:27 am

I plan on selling these. Today we are all dead Osama.

deanbooth May 4, 2011 at 9:43 am

Oh, Jebus, I can't believe I named the pic wrong. Can't relink now that there's a reply. sry.

Lazy Media May 4, 2011 at 8:31 am

Comedy tip: attacking your audience doesn't make them laugh/increase clickthroughs. If I wanted to be scolded by Chomskyite pacifists, I'd go to, uh…ARE there any other Chomskyite pacifist sites?

finallyhappy May 4, 2011 at 8:48 am

I have a confession- I was taught in Hebrew school by Noam Chomsky's mom. Of course, in the 60's- who the hell was Noam- in fact, who the hell is he now?

prommie May 4, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Today, we are all war-mongering jingoists revelling in the blood of an innocent.

BlueStateLibel May 4, 2011 at 8:52 am

After reading your post, and frantically trying to figure out who "Calvin" is, someone in Taiwan is going to steal your idea and make lots of dough. Just thought you should know.

BlueStateLibel May 4, 2011 at 8:55 am

Americans really have become like children, haven't they? Slow, dim-witted children, that is.

SonofSpermcube May 4, 2011 at 9:01 am

The slow, dim witted child in my neighborhood became a neo-Nazi in his teenage years, so you're more right than you know.

SonofSpermcube May 4, 2011 at 8:56 am

"The armies separated; and, it is said, Pyrrhus replied to one that gave him joy of his victory that one more such victory would utterly undo him. "

If anyone here needs to understand anyone's lack of jubilation of the death of Bin Laden, that should do it.

EBGrey May 4, 2011 at 9:22 am

I hear even Thomas Friedman is getting into the act. He's going to sell a mauve polo shirt that says, "Suck on That!"

prommie May 4, 2011 at 9:58 am

I'd hit that. She's got a pouty mouth.

HELisforHEL May 4, 2011 at 12:54 pm

President Clinton? Is that you?

DustBowlBlues May 4, 2011 at 11:04 am

I was thinking I needed to give my pastor a little gift, and one of these things would be perfect–NOT. The very day the US was celebrating, she sends out a FB quote from Proverbs about not taking glee (or something) when an enemy falls.

Fucking preacher and her buzz kill. No wonder she ran off half the congregation when they found out she doesn't hate the gayz.

mumbly_joe May 4, 2011 at 11:20 am

Well, she should learn to preach "muscular" Christian virtues like hate and celebrating murder and pointing and laughing while peoples' homes burn down, instead of preaching this "feminized" version of Christianity that involves peace and love and forgiveness or whatever.

P.S. What I'm saying, if it's not clear, is that women have vaginas and are therefore terrible.

grigoritheocto May 4, 2011 at 11:13 am

I really don't understand what's going on here at my Wonkette. I certainly don't agree with pretty much any of the major wars we've started over the last decade, and I certainly don't think it's appropriate for the US to wave its dick around in the faces of other countries. I don't approve of the death penalty and I generally think that we are terrible to Muslims. That being said, I am pumped that Osama bin Motherfuckingassholemotherfucker is dead, and I'm glad that we were the ones that killed him. No matter what our current foreign policy is, it's cathartic to know that some Navy Seal saw bin Laden, saw that he was unarmed, and shot him in his fucking eye anyway. Fuck that guy. Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him forever.

HELisforHEL May 4, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Not to speak for the Wonkette folks, but I imagine you'll find most of us agree with your sentiment, but bristle at the disgusting idea of some shit-for-brains (and untalented, judging by that t-shirt design) using this moment for financial gain.
Essentially, money is a fun and sometimes evil necessity, but this type of crassness is just nauseating.
Just my thoughts-YMMV
Oh, and also.

Beowoof May 4, 2011 at 2:27 pm

I pretty much agree with your sentiment. The t-shirt thing is a little over the top, but so many Americans have so little thoughtfulness about the world in which they live; they seem to have to find meaning in their lives through cheap t-shirts.

kissawookiee May 4, 2011 at 11:18 am

Guys, do you know who else got shot just above the left eye?

Oh, wait, all that did to Gabby was slow her down a little whilst walking up airplane stairs. By herself. Jesus, Osama's a pussy.

AJW@[redacted] May 4, 2011 at 11:20 am

Which is why I'm waiting for the "official" Franklin Mint commemorative plate and tea set, because you know they've got their heart in the right place.

Moonbat May 4, 2011 at 11:34 am

I have to admit, I'd kind of like to hear a dub version of "Puff the Magic Dragon."

Ruhe May 4, 2011 at 11:50 am

Can you please have Calvin kneeling before the cross and flipping off the Ford logo while pissing on Bin Laden? Thanks.

DahBoner May 4, 2011 at 12:49 pm

"It will have an iPhone squeezed between its voluptuous titties…"

I for one, welcome our new Watermelon Bust Overlordesses!

GOPCrusher May 4, 2011 at 12:51 pm

I will say one thing about the last weeks events. The American public is paying even less attention to the Truther/Birther/Deather Lunatic Fringe. Or if they are, it's only to laugh in their faces.

Negropolis May 4, 2011 at 10:23 pm

Thanks god. Now, we have Deathers…and we should pay even less attention to them.

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi May 5, 2011 at 8:54 am

"This comment has been deleted by the administrator."

genxr May 4, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Dead Bin Laden on a Freedom Tray or GTFO.

zhubajie May 5, 2011 at 6:18 am

No Communism, but a fair amount of social welfare stuff, in Iron Ageterms, of course. Get out your concordance and look up “gleaning” or”the year of Jubilee”. Farm land could not be sold forever, slaverywas not forever, debts were not forever. All land was returned in theYear of Jubilee, all debts forgiven in the Year of Jubilee, slaveswere freed every seven years. In the Iron Age Med, wealth consistedof amassing farmland and bondsmen, usually by means of unpayabledebts. In the OT law (so far as it was enforced), this was notpossible. It's quite a contrast with other contemporary Medcountries, like Athens, Sparta, Rome, etc.Probably you skipped Leviticus and Deuteronomy, like most casual readers do.

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