Uh, what’s that famous & misattributed Sinclair Lewis quote? “When fascism comes to America, it will be wearing a sexy WE GOT HIM ladies-tee, and it will have an iPhone squeezed between its voluptuous titties, so that the government will always know where it is.” Anyway! Now all you war-mongering yuppie mongrels can purchase “Osama’s Dead” t-shirts for your dogs, so that they can have something fancy to wear at the “dog park” whilst you pleasure each other with freedom-dome in the bushes, or wherever. If Joe Goebbels were alive, he would be masturbating so furiously right now that his dick would catch fire from all the violent friction.
Here’s a sample of the Freedom Schwag currently available. (Have your Visa or MasterCard ready!):
•T-shirts. Already, there are hundreds of designs. The website Tshirthell.com, has sold hundreds of $20 T-shirts that show a stick figure version of a victorious, flag-carrying American standing over the dead stick figure (complete with scraggly beard) of bin Laden. “We made a batch of them and already need to make a bunch more,” says Mika Larson, executive director.
A $21.35 T-shirt on Zazzle.com simply says: “Obama killed Osama.”
•Buttons. In making a marketable joke of bin Laden’s burial at sea, a $5 button sold on CafePress.com shows a photo of bin Laden under the line “Fish Food.”
•Coffee mugs. A coffee mug shows bin Laden in a gun sight under these words: Death by U.S. Navy Seals, May 1, 2011. It sells for $15 at CafePress.com.
•Caps. A $15 cap on CafePress.com treats the event like the collegiate basketball tournament that Obama likes to follow by listing the final two brackets as “Obama” and “Osama;” then showing the final bracket winner as “Obama.”Beverly Hills surgeon explains at home fix for crepey skin around the arms, legs, and stomach.
•Bumper stickers. A $3.95 bumper sticker at Zazzle.com shows pictures of bin Laden and Saddam Hussein with the question: Who’s Next?
•Neckties. It shows bin Laden in a gun sight under the line, “Justice: May 1, 2011” goes for $31.75 on Zazzle.com
•Phone case. At $51.40, an iPhone case shows a photo of bin Laden with these words stamped across his face: “Mission Accomplished.” It’s sold at Zazzle.com
•Dog T-shirts. For $18, even your dog can wear a T-shirt that commemorates the day. The shirt, which says “Osama’s Dead,” is Facebook friendly with the familiar thumbs-up “Like” logo.
(By The Way: Questioning state-sponsored violence is a sign of weakness and intense homosexuality.)
Meanwhile, Obama refuses to “cut and run” in Afghanistan, because he is a true patriot. Endless War forever!
Your life is now a Tiësto music video. Pump your fists in celebration without really knowing why. Let the weird lights shine in your eyes. Everything is great:
Goodbye. [USA Today]