CNN: 'No Indication Obama Tried To Surrender'

Hooray for CNN.com! The world's favorite "comedy news" site informed us that Barack Obama apparently made no effort to surrender before he was shot dead by American spy-assassins. Way to keep it real, Obama!

Any other fun we should mention from last night? The Fox News website congratulated President Bush for personally killing an Arab, so that was cool.

Area prick Eric Cantor commended Obama, sort of, by putting out a statement that said, "I commend President Obama who has followed the vigilance of President Bush in bringing Bin Laden to justice."

Uh, yeah. Because "bringing Bin Laden to justice" is just what we thought when we heard "assassinated and dumped off a ship." And "the vigilance of President Bush" isexactlyhow we remember "eight years of ceaseless war and death that never even achieved the stated goal of capturing Osama bin Laden."

Thanks to Wonkette operatives "Cheeto Jeebus" and chascates!