Osama bin Laden was living in the suburbs. The suburbs! It figures! People who live in caves in the middle of nowhere get to know their immediate neighbors, and so do people who live in cities, but people in suburbs leave each other alone. Did bin Laden own a minivan and drive children to soccer practive when he wasn’t blowing up Americans? It sounds like it. But now his compound is empty and covered in blood. And he is dead. None of this can be good for the neighborhood’s property values.
The neighbors were probably too busy complaining about the upkeep of this place to realize the world’s number-one terrorist mastermind was living there. Now they probably feel dumb, but they also probably wonder if somebody else famous will move in soon. O.J.? [ABC News]
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Hey Bristol – another bargain for you to snatch up!
Her snatch capacity is bigger than I thought.
Wonder if Brisdull Palin will try to buy it now? With cash, natch.
It's a great location to open the first Pakistani branch of Bristol Meth.
Are you sure you don't mean "cash and snatch"?
Looks like a waterbed in there all splattered with blood. Hello 1973.
And a CPAP machine. You'd think a skinny guy like OBL wouldn't have sleep apnea. Must be all the cigarettes.
No internet, no telephone, I'm sure there's a Starbucks just down the street.
But reports indicate computers were recovered, riddle me that?
Flash drives for the courier to courey.
Much thx from a 'puter illiterate!
Bluetooth tethered to some of those cheap. no fills phones from Creedo. Dam libruls!
I keep getting offers from Credo. Will someone tell me if it's reliable?
I clicked their clicky, and found their service doesn't apply to the hinterlands like where I live.
They are reliable according to a fellow conspirator. They just don't have the phone I have been using for four or more years. They don't do buy and swap with sim cards (probably locked psecific to the phone and it's identifier) so I didn't spend too long deciding not to use them. Also, not interested in spending time doing the modern day equivalent of the black box to make my phone work on their network if I were to switch.
I've had them for my cell phone service for a couple of years now. They're OK — decent service and decent prices.
Thx from a 'puter illiterate!
Satellite dish. Right there in the photo.
Did not know you could get on internet via Sat. See? I told you I was 'puter challenged.
I thought the Bluth company built nicer places than this.
It's a Halliburton Economy Model.
Welcome to Sudden Valley.
The money's in the banana stand.
no touching!
It walked on his pillow.
So how does this work? Does ownership and command of al-Qaeda automatically pass to the number 3? Who we’ve killed already. Like a dozen times.
It's going to end up being like that wacky John Goodman movie, "King Ralph", where, due to multiple deaths in the usual hierarchy, the next in succession ends up being some slightly inept but goodhearted guy from New Jersey, somewhere.
"The Situation" seems like a natural.
you're thinking of the Number 2s.
4 BD; 3 BTH; EIK; 3 car garage. Near military school and other amenities. Fixer-upper; will provide allowance for new carpeting.
Cement walls are an easy patch.
…but they also probably wonder if somebody else famous will move in soon. O.J.?
Cheney.
~
Wait, in that picture, which one is Kato Kaelin's guest-house/shack?
No Messicans in Pakistan to handle the landscaping.
Aren't ALL browns good at that sort of thing?
Maybe they should have a shade chart to figure out who's slightly darker and therefore required to do yard work.
It's a fixer-upper.
Shaving cream and packing tape in the bathroom… mattress with no sheets… was OBL holed up w/ a bunch of 20 year old college students?
Nice theory el chu, but I'm not buying it until the recover the pizza boxes.
back porch with the empties, obvs
Cue the Busboys: "There Goes the Neighborhood"-oooo, too late! Cue, instead, "Sunday, Bloody Sunday." And drink a Bloody Mary for breakfast.
I'm only amazed that somebody other than me has heard of the Busboys.
"And drink a Bloody Mary for breakfast."
I'll be having a Manhattan.
"Flip This House" FAIL.
Blood in the bed-box? That's some real shitty Feng Shui right there.
one word: Ikea
It's gonna need a lot of sage burned in there.
You know who else lives in a tacky compound in dire need of taste?
The Wizard of Oz?
Donald Trump?
David Koresh. Especially after someone drove a tank through it.
David Koresh?Dammit Smurf.
Okay, Jim Jones.
Tom Friedman?
Gle2n Beck?
George W. Bush?
George H. W. Bush?
Jar W. Bush?
Cobra Commander?
Ernst Stavro Blofeld?
I could have said "what" lives in a tacky compound in dire need of taste, and the answer would have been basically the entire GOP ticket.
Mayor McCheese?
The British Royal Family?
Half the population of Idaho?
My sister-in-law.
Cletus and Lurleen Kadiddlehopper?
Charlie the Tuna?
If there's one thing people in the suburbs like to talk about, it's property values. That and how the neighbor who turns out to be a mass murderer (think John "Wayne" Gacy) just seemed like a regular guy.
John Wayne Gacy was a clown.
A real funny guy, to be sure.
"They were quiet, kept to themselves, never caused any trouble. I'm just can't believe it."
This always worries me, because I'm rather quiet, keep to myself, and never cause any trouble.
You’ll be all right so long as you don’t live in the suburbs. The suburbs are evil.
That pic's got some Waco look to it too…
Or the SLA house after the LAPD got down with it, then done with it.
This town Abbottabad…is it anywhere near Costellobad? (Too soon? No, not too soon.)
HEY! AAABBBOOOTTTTTTT!
Who's on first?
This is "our" the wonket, where nothing is ever too early.
And for that, we are shamelessly grateful.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Abbottabad.
Abbottabad who?
Abbottabad house — just look at that picture.
That's actually an ad for the new ABC show, Extremist Makeover: Home Edition.
"Survivor: Abbottabad"
Osama's mansion may be ugly, but I hear the schools in the area are fantastic.
Who decided this was a 'mansion?' A lot of square feet does not a mansion make.
The next "NCIS" script practically writes itself.
I think they've got a machine to do that anyway.
"He was pretty quiet. We never really talked to him. He was pretty much a loner, kept to himself. Except for those fourteen bearded bodyguards with machine guns."
"I remember telling the guy, 'Wadda we have to do to get you to mow your lawn? Send the SEALS in?'"
That place is a pig sty.
That's why the other Muslins hated it.
Didn't even have the inter-tubes or a telephone. Not hard to guess why. "Hello, who am I speaking to?"
"May I ask who's calling?"
As featured on HGTV's "House Hunters International: Jihad Edition."
George W. Bush is triumphant from beyond the grave. Oh wait. He's not dead too? Shit.
One down, one to go.
Seems with all that money they could have been able to afford a couple of maids to come and freshen the place up once a week. Of course, yesterday's unannounced houseguests might have trashed the place a bit, there's no way of knowing.
It's got cave views, a 3 camel garage, and a custom-built dirt-jacuzzi.
None, there's a three-holer in the back yard.
This is just like the climax of that one John Cheever story.
You know, the one about the guy who goes swimming through his neighbors' pools and finds out, only after it's too late, that he's been assassinated by a group of commandos.
Now that THAT'S over, maybe we can get back to finding out who killed Nicole Simpson
Kristin Shepard?
Who shot J.R.?
Gonna have to make a trip out to the Abbottabad Country Club, I guess.
THAT is what passes for a million dollar mansion in Abbottabad? Even given that it's literally a bloody mess right now, that's place is a dump. Someone's real estate agent took them for a ride.
The million-dollar value dates from back when it was built a few years ago. Heck, back then, even my house was worth a million dollars! [Not true.]
Anyway, I just checked the Abbottabad Zillow, and it says the Zestimate for the place has gone down 35%.
Win.
Hmmm. Grizzled old bastard holed up in his cheesy mansion with a few women and security – sort of like Heff with added Kalashnikov (I suspect Heff got laid more, though)
somewhere in pakistan, david caruso is removing his sunglasses.
…and acne scars, I hope.
"Mission…
*removes sunglasses*
…Accomplished!"
YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!
So, Al Qaeda is just an organization of disaffected rich kids from the 'burbs? Like the Black Bloc anarchists? Figures.
So how long will it be before Fux puts a (D) after his name?
ALERT Birthers flipping to Deathers mode: CNN confirms DNA match to real OBL. Let's get back to focusing on Obama's transcripts eh?
Next wingnut meme: Where's the body!!!!
So I ventured into wingnut territory, and found this insightful real estate analysis:
"When you look at the photos and satellite photos of this property the information we are being fed does not match up with the cia propaganda.
a) there is a satellite dish in the yard, there are power lines going into the property
b) the photos look like the place is a dump from one side and quite nice from the other… obviously two different places.
c) it is not a huge palace… it is actually much smaller than other buildings surrounding it
d) the walls are not 18 feet high… maybe 10'
e) the estimated cost being really out of scale with the surroundings seems bogus too… It ain't that nice of a place…"
Uh yeah, because I am sure said wingnut is highly trained in Pakistani real estate assessments…
"Clean up this room! It looks like a bomb site!" Oh boy, if my mom could have seen this.
So someone didn't realize that Tracy Chapman's advice to buy a big house and live in the suburbs was meant ironically.
Build me a cabin in Utah,
Marry me a wife, catch rainbow trout,
Have a bunch of kids who call me pa:
That must be what it's all about.
I thought it was all about the fast car.
Looks like a small vacuum cleaner to me.
Jesus. That looks like the Animal House-style fraternity residence I used to live in. Without the blood, of course.
I'm sure goats loved it, if you know what I mean.
Pet goats, even.
The CIA and military intelligence are masters of Caller-ID technology, too.
They burned his poop in the courtyard.
Or they got the hose?
This was the most wanted man in the world and he was sleeping above-ground in a house just like you and me. Not in a reenforced underground bunker behind concealed and fortified entrances/exits. This speaks volumes about how secure he felt in that physical/political environment. I have no fucking doubt the Paki Military Establishment was and has been protecting him for years.
And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that helicopter come from?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?…Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!…WHAT HAVE I DONE?
That.was.brilliant.
Oh. Yes.
Americans are badass again.
Now we can drop the silly "First Avenger" from the title of the Captain America movie?
Rush Limbaugh's NYC pad looks worse, though.
But now, seventy-two virgins are playing soccer with OBL's head.
Bit of a fail on the Special OPS-proof stucco, Abbottabad Roofing.
Can't wait for the estate sale. I've been wanting to pick-up some cheap suicide vests and rocket launchers. I bet he has one hell of a VHS tape collection, "Making Explosives in Your Basement Can be Fun and Profitable," "Terrorism for Dummies," "Death to America Vols. 1-25" "Jihad – It's Not Just for Breakfast Anymore"
Don't forget his extensive porn video collection – 72 Virgins Do Mecca
Just cross your fingers the fucker didn't leave any Horcruxes lying around.
Was probably laying Horcruxes all around.
You'd think if the guy was having visitors over, he'd at least tidy up a little.
I think I saw that place on an episode of "Hoarders" last week.
See, this is why the Realtor should always call ahead to schedule a showing instead of just helicoptering people in!
If he lived in the suburbs, does that mean he spent his last few months complaining about the price of gas?
Once again MSM have failed to tell the true, most important story: What does Sarah Palin think about it, and how has she recharacterized events to make herself at once the center of it and the victim of it?
As far as tyrant compounds go, this makes Noriega's crumbling place look positively lovely – and that's after the vandalism and decay
Don't look now, but Obama's on the telly speakin' some foreign language and givin' shoutouts to friends from his muslin youth, while purporting to award medals to heroes from 60 years ago. It's really one o' them secret coded messages that awakens all the sleepers in Islamic Hawai'i.
On NPR this morning some Republican guest described Bin Laden's hometown as "The Vail of Pakistan." Not quite.
Ski lifts, celebrities and great, wide oceans of cocaine?
They shot him dead? Through the head? And now he's dead?
He's not just merely really dead,
he's really most sincerely dead.
Prøn stash or GTFO.
Okay, the president used Intelligence and intelligence to kill this guy. Mission actually accomplished.
I've been busy. Did I miss the gloating over how pissed Trump looked at the WH Correspondents dinner? What an asshole.
FTW! Slow clap…
Yeah, it's a shithole, but it sure as hell beats Saddam's hole in the ground!
"That rug really tied the room together, did it not?"
Perfection.
That's is what a million dollar mansion looks like in Pakistan? I guess I will stay in Seattle.
Looks like it belongs on The Rez near Marysville…
Well played Sir or Madam!
Niagara Falls????!!!!
I used to have that exact same futon frame! Call me, Ed Henry, and I'll gives ya the EX-clusive!
George Bluth, General Contractor.
AbbottandCostellobad:
"Who's On First Street?"
At least the goat and the dog are OK.
The place just needs a bit of Feng Shui, and/or Martha Stuart.
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