WOAH OF WOAHS  12:23 am May 2, 2011

BIN LADEN DEAD: American Victory Over That Guy Liveblog Part II

by Jack Stuef

Whoops! Dead! Hah.The wat is over. This is reality: Osama bin Laden, killer of people in office buildings, is dead. President Barack Hussein Obama overcame his devotion to Allah and the cause of the terrorists to do what the white idiot who preceeded him could not: our armed forces cornered the bastard in a SUBURBAN MANSION and the president made the call to take him out in a firefight. Americans shot the bearded troll, pulled out his body, and now that the CSI checks are over, the United States is in the possession of its greatest enemy’s corpse. Oh God, what do we do with this body? And, uh, can we maybe close Guantanamo and have our civil liberties back now?

12:22 AM — Uh, Pakistan, you got some splaining to do. Sounds like we have another war on our hands! Yay!
12:23 AM — Whoops, sorry Obama took so long to release that birth certificate. Was a little busy KILLING BIN LADEN.
12:28 AM — President Obama needs to come out and address his people. CROWD SURF, SIR.
12:31 AM — This is how badasses walk.
12:32 AM — American forces are on high alert. Remember when that was something that concerned us? Yes. We are very remember. Very terrorism.
12:36 AM — Oh, we see wingnuts on Twitter are declaring this a victory for Bush. Good! God forbid America come together over this again. We MUST bring lots of politics into this, quickly!
12:44 AM — The U.S. lost a helicopter in this Bin Laden battle; no lives. A new helicopter will have to be purchased. Hooray! The military-industrial complex wins again!
12:49 AM — We’ve been waiting a long time for this. We’ve had TWO Hollywood Spiderman franchises in this span.
12:52 AM — Oh, you guys are still up? Barack Obama isn’t. He’s sleeping. Like a badass baby.
12:53 AM — Jesus Christ, Pakistan was letting Osama bin Laden know our movements. The U.S. figured that out, so they didn’t say anything before this operation. We kind of have to go to war, don’t we?
12:53 AM — A MILLION DOLLAR MANSION. Seriously, fuck Pakistan.
12:55 AM — Osama bin Laden lived in a bigger mansion than Sarah Palin does, from the sound of it.
12:58 AM — Did Bin Laden have a swimming pool and hot tub, like all our mansions in the suburbs here? Because if he was lounging in the Jacuzzi during all of this, fuck him one billion times more.
1:03 AM — Let’s remember the pain some people are going through tonight:
Flash mobs
Stay strong, Fox!
1:11 AM — Okay, your editor needs to get to Manhattan so he can take some crappy iPhone photos for you. Ken or Riley may be here soon (if they have an OUNCE of patriotism), but otherwise, inform yourselves in the comments!

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 423 comments }

missemish May 2, 2011 at 12:26 am

Hitler was declared dead on this date, 1945. 2003, Bush declared "Mission accomplished." Celebrity Apprentice preempted by the Bin Laden coverage. Is this real life?

missemish May 2, 2011 at 12:31 am

Seems more like a cheap paperback political thriller.

ms_mcgee May 2, 2011 at 12:54 am

Hitler was killed 66 years ago. Donald Trump is turning 66. Has to be a total conspiracy. Where's Bachman when you need her?

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 2, 2011 at 1:02 am

Sarah Palin sent her first tweet on this date?

RadioBinLaden May 2, 2011 at 1:28 am

May Day! May Day!

imissopus May 2, 2011 at 1:31 am

Also, 61 years ago today Francis Gary Powers was shot down. Fuckin' freaky, man.

SonofSpermcube May 2, 2011 at 7:34 am

Fuckin' freaky, out of thousands upon thousands of historically significant events, an entire handful of them just happened to fall upon the same one of 366 possible dates.

Zvi_Bleindmeis May 2, 2011 at 7:49 am

Rarities are commonplace, yes.

freddymcmurray May 2, 2011 at 6:59 am

And Elvis married 'scilla!

memzilla May 2, 2011 at 12:27 am

I want OBL's head embalmed and put at the World Trade Memorial where people can spit and piss on it.

Lascauxcaveman May 2, 2011 at 12:33 am

I agree. Honestly, that guy was almost as bad as some Republican congressmen I know.

Jukesgrrl May 2, 2011 at 2:21 am

Orange AND white. And Peter King.

Terry May 2, 2011 at 6:33 am

Throwing him into the ocean somewhere took away the potential gravesite for his followers to venerate and gather around. Now, they have to take a ride out into the middle of the Indian Ocean. (I'm assuming it was the Indian Ocean, as that one is closest).

This is a relief. The head is cut off the snake. He had ten years to plan, though, what would happen once we got him.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 2, 2011 at 1:04 am

They have said that his corpse will be dealt with in traditional Muslim fashion. So, pretty much, yes.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 2, 2011 at 1:48 am

That or they are going to wrap it in plastic explosive and throw it at a bunch of civilians.

mormos May 2, 2011 at 2:35 am

so like he said, traditional Muslim fashion*

*WARNING: Culturally insensitive.

finallyhappy May 2, 2011 at 8:24 am

well, maybe before they threw him in the ocean. So I just got up- how is the right making this a bad thing Obama did?

mrblifil May 2, 2011 at 12:27 am

Ayman al-Zwahiri picked the wrong day to stop huffing paint.

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 6:05 am

…Yes, and don't call me Zwahiri!

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 9:20 pm

OK, Shirley.

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 11:04 pm

Hahahaha!

BarackMyWorld May 2, 2011 at 12:30 am

Republicans: Financial collapse while Bush was president because of Democrats. Bin Laden killed while a Democrat is president, Bush gets credit.

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 12:46 am

It is always a liberal's fault. NEVAR FORGIT.

Cicada May 2, 2011 at 12:56 am

They'll find a way to criticize Barry for taking too long too. Just wait.

Jukesgrrl May 2, 2011 at 2:24 am

Trump will claim this happened three days ago and they withheld the announcement just to screw with The Apprentice … in 3, 2, 1 …

arihaya May 2, 2011 at 2:14 am

it is better that what GOP usually said: "it is all Carter's fault "

Zombie_Reagan May 2, 2011 at 12:31 am

So….explain to me again why Dubya invaded Iraq?

bokononista May 2, 2011 at 12:34 am

Jesus told him this day would come, but Bushie had to get the ball rolling way back then in Iraq of all places. I don't get it either.

FlownOver May 2, 2011 at 12:48 am

Poor sense of direction. My partner shares this affliction, albeit with only humorous consequences.

FakaktaSouth May 2, 2011 at 7:59 am

As the afflicted partner in my couple-dum here, I like this – from now on when my handler/hassler asks why I can't get my shit together and know where I am, I shall remind him of how fucking funny and non-lethal it is. I bet it makes him less frustrated (or maybe that'll just be me). Either way, Thanks FO!

RadioBinLaden May 2, 2011 at 1:29 am

WMD's and the hippies.

weejee May 2, 2011 at 8:13 am

30 year LSD hangover. BTW LSD = Lone Star Draft.

SayItWithWookies May 2, 2011 at 1:41 am

It was the fault of Judith Miller — and, consequently, that damn liberal New York Times.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 2, 2011 at 1:50 am

Because he could never remember which Korea is which.

arihaya May 2, 2011 at 2:15 am

Dubya said Saddam want to kill his Daddy,,,

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 4:20 am

Cause he took a wrong turn at Albuquerque?

charlesdegoal May 2, 2011 at 7:59 am

He mistakenly believed OBL to be in Costelloabad

Biel_ze_Bubba May 2, 2011 at 10:03 am

Because it was there.

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Not for oil or daddy issues vendetta, no sirree bob!

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Because Clinton got a blow job?

Gratuitous World May 2, 2011 at 12:32 am

Conservative Press is blaming the long duration of the 10 year search for bin laden on the Unions.

arihaya May 2, 2011 at 6:46 am

i thought they blamed Planned Parrenthood

Dr_Zoidberg May 2, 2011 at 12:32 am

My president kicks ass.

Badonkadonkette May 2, 2011 at 12:32 am

The very best part about this is watching Fox's stilted, sullen, begrudging coverage.

EdFlintstone May 2, 2011 at 12:49 am

They need more water on the set, because they're choking as they try to get the accolades out.

TheMightyHaltor May 2, 2011 at 12:57 am

I watched it for as long as I could, but the sad attempt to slurp Dubya at a time like this disgusted me.

Lascauxcaveman May 2, 2011 at 1:11 am

I'm pretty sure all the credit should go to Charles KKKrauthammmer or David Brooks…

RadioBinLaden May 2, 2011 at 1:32 am

Wait, this will run smack into the "weak and timid and 'over his head' " talking point.

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 6:07 am

Needz moar hatred!

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 9:24 pm

*poorly suppressed snicker*
I think somebody's ass hurts.

BklynIlluminati May 2, 2011 at 12:34 am

I bet the market is on fire tomorrow.

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 12:43 am

i was going to say the exact damned thing.

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 12:47 am

It'll probably crash, because good news for a Dem president is bad news for teh moneez.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 1:24 am

From the BBCUS dollar and shares climb on news of Bin Laden's death

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 2:05 am

What a fucked up world we live in. Wall Street'll bet on anything.

Left_Leftie May 2, 2011 at 1:49 am

Gas better fucking start heading south too!

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 2, 2011 at 1:55 am

Oh, I'm pretty sure most of Islamabad.

Guppy06 May 2, 2011 at 2:01 am

I'd rather the traders themselves be on fire.

PopeyesPipe May 2, 2011 at 12:34 am

Hulk Hogan v. The Iron Sheik? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nI2-Y-8wxY

Swampgas_Man May 2, 2011 at 7:57 am

Hell, my prez is The Rock!

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 2, 2011 at 12:34 am

So, has FOX News started putting an "(R)" after Obama's name yet?

mrblifil May 2, 2011 at 12:46 am

Obama bin Laden was as feisty as they intend to get tonight. Give it time…

dr_giraud May 2, 2011 at 12:49 am

Nah. They put a "D" after Bin Laden, though.

RadioBinLaden May 2, 2011 at 1:33 am

A couple of months ago actually.

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 2:06 am

No, just the whole "Obama Bin Laden" bullshit. It's also been happening on other networks, tonight. I just don't get it. I know it's just a letters difference, but it's a world apart. I've never made that slip of the tongue.

CrankyLttlCamperette May 2, 2011 at 3:01 am

You would think that they would extra-double-super-proofread that tonight…

weejee May 2, 2011 at 8:17 am

An infinite number of monkeys typing at an infinite number of typewriters computers could produce the works of Shakespeare Faux Newz. Actually 'bout 3 might be closer.

finallyhappy May 2, 2011 at 8:27 am

Had to read this twice!!

BZ1 May 2, 2011 at 12:34 am

Bin Laden wasn't hiding out in Iraq, after all, so Dubya must be contrite…
The compound in which Osama was found was reputedly a $1 million estate that didn't have an Internet connection. Surprisingly, how one little thing could undo you…

PopeyesPipe May 2, 2011 at 12:35 am

Thank you Pope John Paul! You defeated Communism again with your mind!

Gratuitous World May 2, 2011 at 12:52 am

finally got that miracle! or the polish kamikaze pilot finally succeeded!

RadioBinLaden May 2, 2011 at 1:33 am

That's beatific!

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 2, 2011 at 12:35 am

Criticism from the right for Obama killing bin Laden instead of capturing him so we could torture him in 3, 2, 1……

glamourdammerung May 2, 2011 at 12:43 am

I said something along the same lines in the first thread.

But yeah, we know it is coming.

Zvi_Bleindmeis May 2, 2011 at 7:52 am

And if he'd been captured, the assholes would rail against the timid liberal mercy-muffin.

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 8:03 am

Mmmmm…muffins.

Hatrabbit May 2, 2011 at 12:35 am

Somewhere, in a dark, dark, corner of the world Donald Trump and Sarah Palin are comforting each other.

CrankyLttlCamperette May 2, 2011 at 3:02 am

Oh, screw you. I can never unsee that image. Pass the brain bleach, please…

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 9:27 pm

And a sharpened spork.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 2, 2011 at 12:36 am

So, who the hell are the GOP going to use to frighten the olds?

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 12:40 am

The impending danger of affordable health care?

imissopus May 2, 2011 at 12:46 am

One of Seth Meyers' best lines last night: "Stop using my tax dollars…to take care of me!"

chascates May 2, 2011 at 12:41 am

Blacks, Hispanics, gays, socialists, Burmese pythons, …

Dr_Zoidberg May 2, 2011 at 12:51 am

Patagonian armadillos… those little bastards.

WIDTAP May 2, 2011 at 8:32 am

If you thought the old were afraid of the blacks, just wait until they get a gander at the lepers.

FlownOver May 2, 2011 at 12:50 am

Robots. Always robots.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 2, 2011 at 1:10 am

I am sure that Glenn Beck will be covering the up-coming Roomba revolution over the next few nights.

emmelemm May 2, 2011 at 2:02 am

Funny, just yesterday my friend offered to give me her Roomba. Maybe I should say no…

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 1:41 am

The metal men will come for you.

Fare la Volpe May 2, 2011 at 2:16 am

Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel.

Steverino247 May 2, 2011 at 1:03 am

The idea of a black man in the White House. No need to change the plan just because bin Laden's dead.

DarwinianDemon May 2, 2011 at 1:10 am

"The negro in the White House is using the US MILITARY to kill his enemies!!!" Check. Mate.

RadioBinLaden May 2, 2011 at 1:35 am

Death Panels?

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 2:08 am

Oh, just everything else and the kitchen sink.

I'm sure tomorrow we'll be hearing plots about China training suicide bomber dolphins or some shit.

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Sharks with lasers?

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Yes, and dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark they shoot bees at you! Thank you The Simpsons.

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 2:12 am

"All of them"

Ohforcripessake May 2, 2011 at 12:36 am

"And, uh, can we maybe close Guantanamo and have our civil liberties back now?"

May I have some of what you're smoking?

V572..whatever May 2, 2011 at 12:46 am

Still have to take off your shoes and belt to get on an airplane. Have some respect…those TSA guys need their jerbs.

Dr_pangloss May 2, 2011 at 8:22 am

In a word: Never.

calibrit May 2, 2011 at 9:11 am

Yeah, I wish. A "freedom dividend" would be nice round about now.

tcaalaw May 2, 2011 at 12:37 am

The funniest thing to come out of this will be watching the Republican presidential candidates do a 180 on their support for continued military action in Afghanistan and start demanding that Obama bring the troops home.

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 12:41 am

Why aren't the troops home? Why does he hate America? Why is he keeping troops in harm's way? It's unconsciousnessanable.

-Sarah Palin

Lascauxcaveman May 2, 2011 at 12:56 am

FromyourlipstoGod'sear.

MadBrahms May 2, 2011 at 3:49 am

That, and complain that it took too long, and that if we were only a little less concerned with nabmy-pamby political correctness, we could've *already* been out. $10 says this is Palin's actual line.

bflrtsplk May 2, 2011 at 5:25 am

Michelle Bachmann: Where's the birf certificate?

predilectrix May 2, 2011 at 12:37 am

What do you bet they held this till now to let our bestest allies hold their wedding and not steal the limelight like a tarty bridesmaid?

President Badass-007 is not only lethal, he has impeccable manners.

Jukesgrrl May 2, 2011 at 2:32 am

"President Badass-007." I like that. He should start wearing a tuxedo and sunglasses everywhere he goes.

Limeylizzie May 2, 2011 at 5:50 am

How could he keep that cool at the dinner , cracking the jokes and knowing this was about to go down? He is the coolest cat of all time.

Swampgas_Man May 2, 2011 at 7:59 am

Having your enemy at gunpoint is very calming, almost cheering.

riverside68 May 2, 2011 at 9:05 am

That guy always seems three moves ahead, or at least in hindsight I can almost see his game that far.
Jedi mind warrrior gots some force on his side.

Limeylizzie May 2, 2011 at 9:34 am

And that is why I always keep the faith, MrLmeylizzie laughs off the haters and doubters by saying “He plays the long game, he is so far ahead of everyone else” .

AJW@[redacted] May 2, 2011 at 10:37 am

That's why he always wears the dark suits, so we can't tell when he's pissing himself.

Fare la Volpe May 2, 2011 at 12:37 am

Fox Headline: Osama bin Laden (D-Saudi) Dead

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 12:40 am

Well played. Also, accurate.

Guppy06 May 2, 2011 at 1:21 am

I think you mean (D-WI)

Barb May 2, 2011 at 12:38 am

I've never watched Beck's show or Fox "news" I may have to tune in tomorrow to watch their empty heads implode.

V572..whatever May 2, 2011 at 12:49 am

The correct spelling of that word in the Fox universe is "assplode." Hate to correct you, but sometimes it's just unavoidable.

Barb May 2, 2011 at 12:53 am

Thanks for your "correction erection" and you know you are my heart. Sharing this moment with you makes my molars buzz. You rock!

jqheywood May 2, 2011 at 2:04 am

Get a room, you two!

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 2, 2011 at 1:12 am

This won't phase Beck. Clearly, bin Laden had passed his usefulness to George Soros.

Jukesgrrl May 2, 2011 at 2:31 am

I'm also looking forward to what Rush says. He'll probably have to stay up all night thinking of ways to insult Obama and it might be hard since he probably drinks all weekend.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 3:53 am

Hey! What's wrong with drinking all weekend?

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 9:35 pm

In Rush's case, it's that whatever he's drinking isn't poison.

CrankyLttlCamperette May 2, 2011 at 3:06 am

I actually watched Fox tonight, just to see how they were going to spin this one…

Fare la Volpe May 2, 2011 at 3:24 am

And? How'd it go?

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 6:09 am

Expect demands for the Death Certificate; the Long Form, not the short form.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 12:38 am

Michele Bachman's statement consisted of the Jean-Luc Picard facepalm gif.

Texan_Bulldog May 2, 2011 at 12:38 am

This is so awesome. Right wing heads are exploding everywhere! Makes that joke that Barry made at the WHCD about the stress of Donald firing Gary Busey particularly delicious.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 12:48 am

I've been reading free republic (a filthy habit, I know). They're spinning so fast that you could attach them to a dynamo and power New York.

Warpde May 2, 2011 at 12:49 am

One of the nicer comments on theblze blog.
Damn these people are pissed and not in a good way.

"What a publicity crock of sh@te!
I was watching Donald Trumps “Apprentice” and seconds before he was going to announce who was fired they cut in for this special bulletin.
Like it couldn’t wait ONE more minute? It had to interrupt Donald Trumps show at the most critical point?
F’n RUBBISH!
I hate Obongo even more now after this political cr@p tactic."

Left_Leftie May 2, 2011 at 1:55 am

Yes, it did have to interrupt Trumps show. The cake needed a little bit of frosting

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 12:39 am

12:31 AM — This is how badasses walk.

I am going to play and replay that until I climax.

chascates May 2, 2011 at 12:50 am

“Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called "walking."” –George W. Bush

hooray4anything May 2, 2011 at 1:32 am

The gif works better when you play the theme from "Shaft" over it

Left_Leftie May 2, 2011 at 2:06 am

I added this as the backing track http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nH62yywcECw

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 9:37 pm

i.e., once.

Beanball May 2, 2011 at 12:40 am

Pat Tillman (among lots of other people) was shot in the back by friendly fire for this moment.

Somehow I just can't work up a lot of happy happy about all this.

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 12:44 am

It's not happy-happy. It's drunkenness combined with Schadenfreude.

V572..whatever May 2, 2011 at 12:51 am

But if anything could vindicate Tillman, this does. So there's that. Now how about a nice court-martial for Stan McChrystal?

Trinket May 2, 2011 at 12:59 am

I feel no joy over the death of Osama bin Laden, but I don't feel any sorrow, either.

The glee I'm feeling is over the absolute deliciousness of our superhero president giving the entire right wing a giant fucking mollywop.

Lascauxcaveman May 2, 2011 at 1:19 am

Seriously, right wing. OBL was killed on a negro Democrat's watch. How do you like that?

Teach your children well.

Jukesgrrl May 2, 2011 at 2:36 am

With women leading the Departments of State and Homeland Security.

lulzmonger May 2, 2011 at 7:19 pm

OH SNAP!

chascates May 2, 2011 at 12:41 am

MONDAY OFF FOR JACK STUEF'S LATE WEEKEND WORK!!!

Lascauxcaveman May 2, 2011 at 12:59 am

Seriously. this is a big fucking deal.

El Pinche May 2, 2011 at 12:41 am

Might I say , this is a BIG FUCKING DEAL.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 12:50 am

Osama, YOU'VE BEEN BIDENED!

I'm upfisting everyone tonight. So great.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 2, 2011 at 1:20 am

Killing bin Laden is a fucking valuable thing, you just don't give it away for nothing

Neoyorquino May 2, 2011 at 12:42 am

And one hell of an announcement it was: http://i.imgur.com/IDsF2.gif

El Pinche May 2, 2011 at 1:33 am

OH GOD!! That's awesome.

riverside68 May 2, 2011 at 9:14 am

Wait until Anniegetyerfun sees that video. We may all hear about it.

Chillwaver May 2, 2011 at 12:44 am

Not bad for Kenyan muslin, uh?

V572..whatever May 2, 2011 at 12:44 am

I'm sure the Romans were high-fiving each other and saying, "That ought a put a stop to this nonsense!" when they crucified JEEBUS!

RadioBinLaden May 2, 2011 at 12:51 am

Bin Liden Risen'??!?

Oblios_Cap May 2, 2011 at 7:56 am

They buried him at sea? Is another Pirates of the Caribbean movie in the works?

Head on a pike or STFU.

riverside68 May 2, 2011 at 9:16 am

Osama sleeps with the fish.
Barak is an all american gansta bad ass

EdFlintstone May 2, 2011 at 12:45 am

Well it took a democrat to not outsource this job.

DahBoner May 2, 2011 at 11:26 am

Winning!

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 12:48 am

a rotting head is a little unsanitary for apple and starbucks, no?

El Pinche May 2, 2011 at 1:22 am

Nothing four shots of espresso, 20 oz of corn-syrup and some new ipad apps can't help.

ShiftyParadigm May 2, 2011 at 12:49 am
DownFist Troll May 2, 2011 at 12:49 am

Friday, release long form birf certificate. Saturday, make fun of trump's hair. Sunday, have bin laden killed. Trifecta of win for barry.

bigdupa May 2, 2011 at 1:17 am

$10 says he totally got laid tonight.

Fare la Volpe May 2, 2011 at 2:24 am

If I were Michelle right now, the sheer badassery of it all would be better than foreplay.

Badonkadonkette May 2, 2011 at 12:50 am

Best comment on big journalism:

"Doesn't change the fact that Obama is still a failure as POTUS. One Osama Bin Laden doesn't equal 14 trillion dollars of debt, 9 percent unemployment, or $4.00 and rising gas prices."

I don't normally troll or downfist, but what an anti-American douchebag. And the pansy bitch calls himself "war machine." Fucking tool.

chascates May 2, 2011 at 12:51 am

I'm guessing the closest he's come to war is yelling at the ethnic store clerk how high the price of Cheetos has gotten.

El Pinche May 2, 2011 at 1:23 am

booyaka!!

glamourdammerung May 2, 2011 at 1:24 am

"war machine".

Pretty sure that is one of the mentally handicaps that has trolled here. Funny though how it took the Breitbart crowd less than 30 minutes to start their whining about the death of Osama bin Laden though.

MadBrahms May 2, 2011 at 3:51 am

Pressure point: lost. Still time to ask why we haven't killed Gaddafi yet.

…and then whine about how we opened the door for radical Islam if we do.

BarackMyWorld May 2, 2011 at 12:50 am
Dr_Zoidberg May 2, 2011 at 12:50 am

Obama delivered the news so classy, too. Imagine (and it will take a big leap of imagination, I know) if bin Laden had been killed when Dubya was president. Can't you just see the smirking and good ol' boy comments that would have been made by Dubya?

TheMightyHaltor May 2, 2011 at 1:14 am

…while riding a tomohawk missile onto the deck of the USS Ronald Reagan.

tardsploitation May 2, 2011 at 12:51 am

Never forget :

BUSH 2002 on Bin Laden: "I am truly not that concerned about him."

CONSERVATARDS, READ THIS AND WEEP . THEN EAT SHIT.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 12:56 am

Also in 2002

"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority."

glamourdammerung May 2, 2011 at 1:22 am

Maybe the Breitards can try to organize another boycott since they seem so upset at the posters here enjoying the death of someone.

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 1:51 am

See how liberals celebrate the culture of death? It's quite sickening, really.

SayItWithWookies May 2, 2011 at 12:51 am

Did Mahatma Gandhi ever kill Osama bin Laden? Nope. Nobel Badass Prize 2012 in the works.

DarwinianDemon May 2, 2011 at 12:57 am

Sorry, that prize goes to Teddy R., now and forever

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 2, 2011 at 1:27 am

Yes, but Gandhi never denied raping and killing a girl.

DahBoner May 2, 2011 at 11:22 am

Kama Sutra poontang?

JoshuaNorton May 2, 2011 at 12:53 am

Is there some way for Trump, Palin and Breitbart to claim credit for this?

chascates May 2, 2011 at 12:57 am

I think the government will follow the traditional Muslim burial rites and bury him within 3 days. Other than that might start riots across the Mideast even though he hasn't many fans. Then the attacks will come from the right.

I bet the Saudis are revealed [relieved I mean. Good thing I bough Weller 107 yesterday]. He had to have known too much about the royal family.

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 1:13 am

24 hours, not three days. My guess is that they will be more flexible with this. But who will wash and bless the body? I'd be hard pressed to think of anyone that (1) would want to do it who (2) isn't already on the FBI's Most Wanted List.

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 1:53 am

I understand that George Bush has some experience with whisking members of the Bin Laden family out of the country on short notice.

tcaalaw May 2, 2011 at 1:08 am

I'm pretty sure they'll claim that the only reason Obama continued to hunt for bin Laden was because of their tireless and heroic efforts to shame him into it.

riverside68 May 2, 2011 at 9:19 am

It is my understanding that Jon Stewart has booked them for exactly that purpose.
He had to promise not to speak, it is going to be absurdist theater.

DahBoner May 2, 2011 at 11:20 am

I heard one asshole on CBS say this operation "started" under Bush.

I CALL BU$HSHIT!

iburl May 2, 2011 at 12:54 am

Team America Marathon!

crybabyboehner May 2, 2011 at 10:29 am

Fuck Yeah!

pinkocommi May 2, 2011 at 12:54 am

"Oh God, what do we do with this body?"

Mall tour across America! Think of the corporate sponsorship opportunities!

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 12:54 am

can you imagine being the special forces guy that pulled the trigger.

wow.

Steverino247 May 2, 2011 at 1:15 am

He was probably in middle school when that asshole attacked us. I want the entire team to split the reward money, too.

Lascauxcaveman May 2, 2011 at 1:24 am

Future President? By all that is Holy, I hope not.

BklynIlluminati May 2, 2011 at 12:55 am

So what made Pakistan finally give this fucker up? I bet the money ran out

Beanball May 2, 2011 at 1:01 am

BofA finally called in the loan on Bin Laden's "million dollar mansion." This was just part of the eviction process.

Lascauxcaveman May 2, 2011 at 1:26 am

Most likely, despite everything, the USA has deeper pocket than OBL.

EdFlintstone May 2, 2011 at 12:57 am

You know Glenn Beck is huddled in a corner of a darkened room, sobbing uncontrollably right now, and his tears taste delicious. Beck paranoia raised to Defcon 5.

SayItWithWookies May 2, 2011 at 1:51 am

Oh, Beck already has an answer — the man is thorough above all else. I'm betting it's something like, "This is exactly what an antichrist would do — trick the people by an act that so unites them behind his cause and makes them feel he is righteous that more and more of the populace are blinded to his sinister plan."

The fun part is that that accurately describes Dubya standing on top of that pile of rubble several days after 9/11, whenever he finally managed to get his ass up to NYC.

predilectrix May 2, 2011 at 12:57 am

Pakistan was letting Osama bin Laden know our movements.

Pakistan: "Ruh ro!"

El Pinche May 2, 2011 at 1:02 am

No kidding. Those fuckers have some explaining to do.
No F-22's or M1A2 Abrams for you ! (for at least 2 months)

imissopus May 2, 2011 at 12:58 am

A MILLION DOLLAR MANSION.

Operation Foreclosure has been a huge success! What are we talking about again?

jus_wonderin May 2, 2011 at 8:26 am

It was one of those tacky PacMansions.

Barb May 2, 2011 at 12:58 am

Palin has tweeted:
"Thank you, American men and women in uniform. You are America's finest and we are all so proud. Thank you for fighting against terrorism."

No love for Barry? This is the woman who gave credit for President Obama's long form birth certificate release to Trump and she can't mention the POTUS in this, something much larger?

EdFlintstone May 2, 2011 at 1:01 am

Stay classy republicans.

El Pinche May 2, 2011 at 1:01 am

Palin can eat kracken balls. She is dirt now.

JoshuaNorton May 2, 2011 at 1:03 am

Apparently, dying for Bush's lies should be considered a lofty cause.

Lascauxcaveman May 2, 2011 at 1:28 am

Palin just doesn't like niggers much.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 2, 2011 at 1:34 am

Palin knows that as a Muslim, Obama only killed bin Laden so that he could absorb his power.

There can be only one!

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 1:55 am

She. Is. Such. A. Cunt.

dr_giraud May 2, 2011 at 2:12 am

Interviewed on WBBM-AM Chicago, Ill. Sen. Mark Kirk congratulated US soldiers, US intelligence, and "our Pakistani allies" but made no mention of Obama.

Christ, what an asshole.

Jukesgrrl May 2, 2011 at 2:42 am

I'm sure a notice has already gone around. That's what they got Rinse Preemie for.

WhatTheHolyHeck May 2, 2011 at 1:28 pm

I hate this flaming turd more than the fire that fails to consume it. I finally had to blacklist his emails after his last push-poll.

Should we go with the Republican budget that will save America and give each natural-born citizen a free unicorn foal, or the president's budget that will consume us all in molten magma and usher in a new epoch of Satan's rule on earth?

DahBoner May 2, 2011 at 11:17 am

See you next Tuesday Palin?

Gratuitous World May 2, 2011 at 12:59 am

oh, peter king is on. good will *record scratch*

chascates May 2, 2011 at 1:03 am

flabastida Fernando Labastida
Rep. Peter King, Republican of New York, giving "full credit" to Pres. Obama for a successful operation on CNN.

This won't last long.

gurukalehuru May 2, 2011 at 1:01 am

Great. Now we can start the investigation into who really destroyed the World Trade Center. Not holding my breath.

DahBoner May 2, 2011 at 11:15 am

Bush, Cheney & Rumsfeld: Why ain't they trading a pack of cigarettes for their lives in prison?

# NEVER FORGET WHO LET 9-11 HAPPEN INTENTIONALLY!

Guppy06 May 2, 2011 at 1:02 am

"Oh, you guys are still up? Barack Obama isn’t. He’s sleeping. Like a badass baby."

Like hell he is! He's banging Michelle like a boss!

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 1:17 am

May they be knocked up by tomorrow morning. More Obamas! As long as there is no Planned Parenthood in Washington DC, near the black peoples, that is.

Limeylizzie May 2, 2011 at 5:56 am

How great would that be? A new Baby Obama and the killing of Osama would mke his poll numbers very, very good!

KenLayIsAlive May 2, 2011 at 1:03 am

this is the greatest day in years. Feelsgoodman. Now if some Iraqi SEALS kill bush in his mansion everything will be totally cool.

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 6:13 am

Slowly…

KenLayIsAlive May 4, 2011 at 2:31 am

My vote is for a death caused by every Iraqi orphan giving him a papercut

ttommyunger May 4, 2011 at 6:03 am

I like it!

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 1:04 am

Some of my wingnut friends are reporting that bin Laden's body will be "treated in accordance with Islamic law." I can find no proof that anyone has suggested this, but it's a great way to freak Sharon Angle the fuck out.

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 1:18 am

OK, found it. But seriously, who would say the blessing?

SayItWithWookies May 2, 2011 at 3:29 am

Maybe they'll just say grace.

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 6:14 am

Burial at sea is not exactly according to Islamic Law.

Barb May 2, 2011 at 1:05 am

Bin Laden arrives in hell and finds out that his promised virgins are all hairy dudes. Sucks to be you!

Barb May 2, 2011 at 1:08 am

Hitler and Bin Laden both die on May 1st. Hopefully, their anniversary cake in hell is a Fudgey the Whale Caravel ice cream cake.

chascates May 2, 2011 at 1:16 am

I'm trying to come up with a funny rejoinder but got stuck. It's the Old Weller.

imissopus May 2, 2011 at 1:36 am

Made of pork.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 1:41 am

Hmmm. It's hell, so maybe the anniversary will be eternity by the ball pool in Chuck-E-Cheese listening to squealing children whilst waiting for a sausage pizza.

HuddledMass May 2, 2011 at 1:19 pm

OMG. That IS hell, and I've been there…. the horror.

Poindexter718 May 2, 2011 at 9:01 am

With bacon bits and matsoh sprinkles!

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Brought to their table by Dina Lohan.

donner_froh May 2, 2011 at 1:08 am

Not that it is unexpected but these Fox assholes really do hate anyone who isn't just like them. And you can tell they know the "Bush did it" crap just isn't going over.

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 1:09 am

also: i made a joke about barry's bad dad pants earlier this week.

like donald trump, i was pwnd.

El Pinche May 2, 2011 at 1:09 am

The Breitfarts are desperately clicking thumbs-down and sobbing like little bitches right now. "YOU GUYS AREN'T CLICKING FAST ENOUGH HURRY UP *BOO HOO* OH GOD , I HATE MY LIFE!! *CLICK* *CLICK* *CLICK* "

BklynIlluminati May 2, 2011 at 1:12 am

So here is a pure i love and so proud of our country moment. AMERICA FUCK YEAH!!! We now return to our normal programming of unadulterated snark

chascates May 2, 2011 at 1:12 am

BBC reports Pakistan was not told of the operation until after it was over with. Which is probably why it succeeded.

OK. So can we now blow off the remaining al Qaeda gang (estimated to be 100 recently), the hell with the Taliban, and just get the fuck out of Afghanistan & Pakistan??

Lascauxcaveman May 2, 2011 at 1:32 am

Yesh, get the fuck out. We have no business there.

CrankyLttlCamperette May 2, 2011 at 3:18 am

Wouldn't that be nice? I mean, I'm not counting on it, but it would be so nice to have my friends home again…

MadBrahms May 2, 2011 at 4:00 am

BBC is also reporting no response from the Pakistani government, either from Zardari or from anyone else. The ISI must be going *insane* right about now, regardless of their involvement, which might not be so minimal.

(Keep in mind, of course, that the Indian press loves to make a game out of chasing after Pakistani shadows) http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/Bin-L

EdFlintstone May 2, 2011 at 1:12 am

Real spontaneous patriotism is so much better than the artificial, republican stage crafted made for TV kind.

donner_froh May 2, 2011 at 1:13 am

No word from the mayor of 9/11? Where's Rudy?

Barb May 2, 2011 at 1:13 am

I'm drunker than Cooter Brown right now, so forgive me. How many times during the Bush administration did people in DC, or anywhere else, ever gather at the White House at midnight, or anywhere else to cheer anything the POTUS ever did? Just curious….

gullywompr May 2, 2011 at 1:17 am

Best thought of the night, babe. Bottoms up!

Barb May 2, 2011 at 1:20 am

Back at 'cha! Cheers!

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 1:32 am

i know me too and i was thinking we were like egypt and libya and tunisia.

only then i remembered we KILLED somebody which is not necessarily the same thing.

still!!

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 1:54 am

Barb, I love ya and I'm as drunk as, well, me, but there was a time when people gathered outside the White House and cheered during the Bush admin.

When he was deposed by Oninja.

Barb May 2, 2011 at 2:05 am

I love you more and I am drunker. I'm going to have a few more drinks and then drunk dial you. "I love you!" "You made something of yourself, like Obama" "I hate that cunt, Palin" "I hate Bobby Flay" "Who was fired on The Celebrity Apprentice tonight?" "I gotta go, Domino's is here"

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 2:24 am

You hate Bobby Flay too??? Swoon

Limeylizzie May 2, 2011 at 5:59 am

You are wise to hate Bobby Flay, my step-daughter-who is only 10 years younger than I am-is a food-stylist on one of his shows and he is "difficult".

undeterredbyreality May 2, 2011 at 1:56 am

Wot? You don't remember the "Mission Accomplished" Codpiece Cotillion? It was estimated at 200,000 or more, and spread from the White House to the Lincoln Memorial, lasting weeks.

Never forget.

Fare la Volpe May 2, 2011 at 2:11 am

Babs, you've got that "wise drunk" persona down pat.

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 6:18 am

Your post makes me wish I was still a drinking man, Barb. Makes me wish I was young again since I have no fucking idea who Bobby Flay is, also, too.

proudgrampa May 2, 2011 at 1:14 am

Wow. Just wow. What a great moment for the US. Obama's speech was the definition of class. I am glad that this chapter is over.

Now, can I haz a job, please?

Lascauxcaveman May 2, 2011 at 1:34 am

No, you may not. You'll have to wait for a Republican president to trickle down upon you.

chascates May 2, 2011 at 1:47 am

Didn't you just move here to Texas for a job? What IS IT with people like you?

proudgrampa May 2, 2011 at 2:07 am

That was a consulting gig, Chas. I finished my projects about a month ago and moved back home. I would like to say that I love TX, except for the heat and the humidity.

I spent several months in San Antonio. I already miss the River Walk and TX BBQ.

chascates May 2, 2011 at 2:10 am

Sorry to lose you. Texas is a foreign country and needs the help of visitors. It's been hot in Austin and since I always sweat like a whore in church I've been dreaming of Portland or someplace up northwest way.

CANADA????!?!?!?!

One_Man_Band May 2, 2011 at 1:17 am

Wha? I was watching 13 Assassins. Just got outta the movie theater and apparently I missed the whole damn thing.

Steverino247 May 2, 2011 at 1:18 am

Hey, somebody from the Pentagon call the FBI with a tip: http://www.fbi.gov/wanted/wanted_terrorists

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 1:58 am

"Bin Laden is left-handed and walks with a cane"

Or not.

gullywompr May 2, 2011 at 1:20 am

Sara Benincasa's gonna have one hell of a column this Friday…

Jukesgrrl May 2, 2011 at 2:47 am

If she ever gets her hands out of her pants.

chascates May 2, 2011 at 1:20 am

— House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH): "This is great news for the security of the American people and a victory in our continued fight against al-Qaida and radical extremism around the world, ,,, "I want to congratulate — and thank — the hard-working men and women of our Armed Forces and intelligence community for their tireless efforts and perseverance that led to this success. I also want to commend President Obama and his team, as well as President Bush, for all of their efforts to bring Osama bin Laden to justice."

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 1:31 am

Eric Cantor was very similar

Tonight, we've learned that justice has been done. The man with the blood of more than 3,000 Americans on his hands, the man who forced us to begin to think the unthinkable – is now dead.

Families who lost loved ones at the hands of Bin Laden and his terrorist organization have grieved for far too long and this sends a signal that America will not tolerate terrorism in any form. The men and women of our armed forces and intelligence community have fought valiantly for the last decade and this is a major victory and testament to their dedication. I commend President Obama who has followed the vigilance of President Bush in bringing Bin Laden to justice.

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Shorter:

"he man with the blood of more than 3,000 Americans on his hands … .President Bush"

DarwinianDemon May 2, 2011 at 1:53 am

Also thank you Newt Gingrich because…why not?

CrankyLttlCamperette May 2, 2011 at 3:20 am

What, no one's thanked Reagan yet?

MadBrahms May 2, 2011 at 4:04 am

YET.

Michele Bachmann will thank our "founding fathers", and then "the constitution", and then lapse into another catatonic staring fit.

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 6:19 am

Proving once again that sour grapes are, indeed bitter.

calibrit May 2, 2011 at 9:18 am

My favorite teabaggy website is carrying a dignified statement from President…Bush:
http://www.thecypresstimes.com

Hey fellaz? Your guy didn't get that guy. Our guy got that guy. I mean, it's nice Bush approves and all, but it's a little like Hoover taking credit for the New Deal, know what I mean?

DrunkIrishman May 2, 2011 at 1:21 am

AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!

donner_froh May 2, 2011 at 1:23 am

The gulf between Obama's announcement tonite and fucknutz Bush getting his photo op on an aircraft carrier is too immense for human speech to describe.

gullywompr May 2, 2011 at 1:26 am

My Pet Goat also too.

proudgrampa May 2, 2011 at 2:18 am

Copy that, Donner. Well said.

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 1:28 am

i am so very glad my old gay supermodel cat – who's being having issues of late – outlived bin laden.

donner_froh May 2, 2011 at 1:31 am

An upfist for you and I wish I had another for your cat.

One_Man_Band May 2, 2011 at 1:28 am

I'm holding out for the long form death certificate.

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 6:21 am

I am amazed it took this many posts to put up my idea. Beaten again! (holds head in hands, whimpers)

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 1:29 am

You know what's weird? 90% of my Facebook friends are, like, HOLY SHIT OMFG THIS IS INSANE WOW and then there are the 10% who are posting photos of their cats watching TV.

Fare la Volpe May 2, 2011 at 2:06 am

My aunt has one better: a photo of her cat watching the Obama speech.

Mind. BLOWN.

Steverino247 May 2, 2011 at 1:31 am

I was sincerely hoping Mr. Obama would tell us all to take Monday off to celebrate because there's no fucking way I want to go to work tomorrow.

TheMightyHaltor May 2, 2011 at 1:36 am

I agree, but to be fair I didn't want to go to work last week either.

Limeylizzie May 2, 2011 at 6:04 am

Hey Steverino, whenever you mention your son who was wounded , I am always just brought to tears so I hope your family can celebrate and scream in the streets .

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 1:33 am

hey! can we put the bin laden's body on ebay to pay off the fiscal debt?

chascates May 2, 2011 at 1:40 am

Blessings for that, sir.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 1:43 am

Or madam, I believe.

A+++++++++++++++++++ – body bullet riddled as described. Delivered by military jet. Would purchase from again

chascates May 2, 2011 at 1:54 am

You'd think I would at least drag my cursor over an avatar before posting, right? It's my age AND bourbon.

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 1:35 am

Not surprised about Pakistan's role in all of this. They needed Bin Laden as a boogeyman even more than the Bush administration did. Musharref in particular needed to keep Bin Laden alive in the worst way. Every Pakistani administration since has needed the threat of Bin Laden to claim legitimacy.

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 6:23 am

Well, you can bet at least one Paki National has enough money this morning to fund one Helluva Political Campaign for regime change.

EdFlintstone May 2, 2011 at 1:38 am

Greta Van Susteren on a personal mission right now to start the case for war against Pakistan.

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 1:38 am

Does this mean we can finally stop killing the "Number 3 leader" of al Qaeda"?

TheMightyHaltor May 2, 2011 at 2:08 am

Yes. Because they'll be promoted to number 2 now.

Guppy06 May 2, 2011 at 2:13 am

"I am Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six."
"I am not a number! I am a free man!"

chascates May 2, 2011 at 1:41 am

Osama's hideout mapped on Google: http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/201

chascates May 2, 2011 at 1:42 am

Great comment there:
Reviews: I really like this neighborhood till it got shot the hell up.

GeneralLerong May 2, 2011 at 1:56 am

Yeah, the commenters are having a field day –

<a href="http://maps.google.com/maps/place?cid=9926112747504891403&q=abbottabad bin laden&hl=en&cd=1&cad=src:ppiwlink&ei=sUi-TeLiK8ONiALwzLChDw&dtab=2">No Jacuzzi

Fuck HTML, I give up

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 1:58 am

Damn. How long did that take? Three hours from rumor to pinpointing?

I love the internet.

problemwithcaring May 2, 2011 at 3:26 am

Thanks for the great links (all the time).

MiniMencken May 2, 2011 at 3:47 am

If you can back that map off a bit more, you see how conveniently close the mansion was to the Attaboy-bad Golf Club. I wonder what Bin Laden's handicap was?

savethispatient May 2, 2011 at 3:51 am

And to quote the Beeb: "The Abbottabad residence is just 700m (800 yards) from the Pakistan Military Academy – the country's equivalent of West Point."

Ouch. Good work, Pakistan…

MadBrahms May 2, 2011 at 4:08 am

The whole damn area next door is military / semi-military residences. The "Cantt" in the police station is for "cantonment", as in "this is where we keep the men with guns". His men probably got his insulin from the same drugstore as half the troops in the city.

(Yes, yes, I'm sure he had housecalls, but just roll with the metaphor)

savethispatient May 2, 2011 at 4:11 am

Well, that settles it, we have to punish Pakistan the only way we know will actually work: "I was glad that India won the Cricket World Cup". BOOM!

BarackMyWorld May 2, 2011 at 1:41 am
Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum May 2, 2011 at 5:36 pm

That pic is actually W discussing Pickle's pooper with Turd Blossom.

DownFist Troll May 2, 2011 at 1:48 am

God i hope his first victory lap interview is on Fox. It'll be so beautiful to see them kiss his ass and ask for seconds.

trondant May 2, 2011 at 1:51 am

Wat, war is it good for for, say it again, good Gawd!

undeterredbyreality May 2, 2011 at 1:59 am

Boned…in the USA, I was.

El Pinche May 2, 2011 at 1:58 am

For conservaturds who are angry. If you're lucky, maybe the GOP house can shit on more 9/11 first responders . Maybe that'll make you happy, you anti-American assholes.

Chet Kincaid May 2, 2011 at 2:00 am

So this guy Obama is as cold-blooded as Michael Corleone, running around rolling eggs on the White House lawn, telling black-tie jokes, scolding people about his goddamned birth certificate, and all the while keeping a 100% lockdown on this Smoke Bin-Laden Operation for MONTHS. Looks like the way he handled the Somali pirates was just a little foretaste. And in conclusion, BARRY! BARRY! BARRY!

chascates May 2, 2011 at 2:13 am

And I love what some of the wacky sites have headlined.
Limbaugh: Reality TV Star Trump Forces
Obama's Hand on Birth Certificate

Barack H.W. Obama?
Libs cast Obama as a 1990s' moderate Republican.

President Obama Is Not Unbeatable
This notion is absurd and should be dismissed by all.

Limeylizzie May 2, 2011 at 6:05 am

He is a cool cat , that's for sure.

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 6:25 am

I JUST KNEW that skinny nigger had a razor in his shoe. I just fucking LOVE IT!

chascates May 2, 2011 at 2:06 am

And now that place he was living in is in fire!
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/world/2011/05/02

I say we let Pakistan pay the insurance bill.

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 2:16 am

We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn
Burn, motherfucker, burn.

Jukesgrrl May 2, 2011 at 2:51 am

How does cement block catch on fire?

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 2:59 am

Jews did 5/1!!!!!!

GeneralLerong May 2, 2011 at 2:20 am

Blow up a helicopter, this is probably whatcha get.

Fare la Volpe May 2, 2011 at 2:07 am

One thing's for sure: the soldier who put the bullet between Osama's eyes is getting some primo no-homo head in the showers tonight.

TheMightyHaltor May 2, 2011 at 2:32 am

Unless the soldier is openly gay which – while unlikely – would be poetic justice.

starfanglednut May 2, 2011 at 8:09 am

That would be SO awesome.

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 6:26 am

If it were a Canadian Operation, I might agree with you, otherwise, no.

Fare la Volpe May 2, 2011 at 2:08 am

Got a rotting terrorist corpse to display? There's an app for that.

Chet Kincaid May 2, 2011 at 2:24 am

Uh oh. Somehow Jack Bauer's going to end up getting taken prisoner by the Chinese because of all this.

smitallica May 2, 2011 at 2:25 am

Thank you, Dead President Reagan!

zappadoo76 May 2, 2011 at 2:25 am

I know revenge is a dish best served cold, but this is overripe. I don't feel anything at all. But I am sure our President is as happy as a dog with two dicks.

SayItWithWookies May 2, 2011 at 2:30 am

Today we are all half-white.

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 2:32 am

There are reports that there are celebrations in Dearborn, Michigan, right now.

EDIT: Yep!

|||Detroit-area Arab Americans, Muslims rejoice at death of bin Laden; in Washington, crowd chants U-S-A!

Muslims and Arab-Americans across metro Detroit — greatly impacted by the war on terrorism over the past decade — rejoiced at the news that Osama bin Laden was killed.

"The world is definitely a better place without the patron of all terrorists," said Imam Hassan Al-Qazwini, head of the Islamic Center of America in Dearborn, the largest mosque in a city that has the highest concentration of Arab-Americans in the U.S. Qazwini called bin Laden "the world's most infamous thug."

"It is so comforting to see justice being served while the families of the thousands of his victims rejoice," he said.

chascates May 2, 2011 at 2:38 am

BUT! But! But! But! But!

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 2:38 am

It will be fascinating to see how the Islamophobes spin that.

Oh, wait, I meant nauseating.

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 2:39 am

Terry Jones was here just last week complaining about Sharia Law. Eat it, Terry. Eat it and choke on your provocations.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 2:52 am

Damn. That's the cherry on the cake. Amazing.

Fuck you, sharia-scaremongering teabaggers.

EdFlintstone May 2, 2011 at 2:36 am

Trump presidential odds now negative infinity with British bookmakers.

AJW@[redacted] May 2, 2011 at 2:54 am

I hope to fuck Michelle let Barry enjoy a celebratory Kool out on the West Lawn, or whatever lawn, tonight.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 2:58 am

Not for the faint of heart, and a huge image, but here's an alleged image of OBL having been shot through the head a couple of times.

Never mind, it was an old fake.

chascates May 2, 2011 at 3:06 am

I assume the conspirasists will insist it's not actually UBL.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 3:18 am

It was originally from 2010. It's some poor shot schlub who looks like OBL.

I found it on free republic. What can I say? You launch yourself into the pigpen, you'll probably pick up some shit on the way.

AJW@[redacted] May 2, 2011 at 3:06 am

Fucker hasn't aged a day, unlike me.

Selfish_T May 2, 2011 at 3:08 am

"We MUST bring lots of politics into this, quickly!"

Some of y'all have really succeeded at this. Not the greatest round of Wonkette comments tonight.

You may begin downfisting if you must.

memzilla May 2, 2011 at 3:17 am

It's a pre-emptive strike on Breitardistan.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 3:27 am

I'm gonna upfist you.

Rejoicing in death isn't really the done thing, but I, as well as a lot of other people, I think, have a nasty feeling of joy knowing that this evil shit is dead.

The politics? Well, this place is what it is. Politically aware people with a liberal bent. It's not going to be any other way.

SayItWithWookies May 2, 2011 at 4:03 am

Yeah it's disgraceful that the Democrats should be using bin Laden for political advantage. Why, after the Republicans used 9/11 to pass the patriot act and FISA evisceration and national security letters and detaining people outside the purview of any law for no reason whatsoever in the name of protection from terrorists, that the motherfucker who actually did something about the goddamn terrorist in question would have supporters long-suffering under the shadow of hating America for some goddamn fucking reason, who would want to gloat about the biggest fucking accomplishment among the zillions of cans of worms opened by that odious fuckwit Dubya but never dealt with.

I forget — did you have a fucking question?

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 6:29 am

Reality-1, Selfish-0.

Selfish_T May 2, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Hey, I agree with you. But I found it weird that one hour after the news broke some people seemed a lot more pleased about how this could somehow be bad for Republicans than the fact that we finally got bin Laden. And that seemed very Breitbart-ish to me.

As the red-faced, ridiculous, sputtering takes from the far right continue to come out, I wholeheartedly support making fun of them, as well as any semi-applicable poop/dick jokes.

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 10:46 pm

*anxious yet hopeful*
And fart jokes, too, right?

ThundercatHo May 2, 2011 at 8:20 am

Fuck you, asshole. We are celebrating with our friends. I know that is a difficult concept for you. Go suck some hairy Breitbart balls whilst we continue our partay.

Selfish_T May 2, 2011 at 12:27 pm

You got it, buddy. I was definitely saying "don't celebrate". Or maybe I was wondering why some people were all "HA HA YOU LOST REPUGLITURDS" instead of celebrating.

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Yeah, how dare we bring politics into a political site?
Hell in a handbasket, I tells ya.

CrankyLttlCamperette May 2, 2011 at 3:25 am

So CNN is saying that they buried OBL at sea. How long until the wingnuts start claiming that it never happened at a…aw, crap.

DownFist Troll May 2, 2011 at 3:57 am

what do we call fools who want proof UBL is dead? Deathers? doesn't have a great ring to it imo.

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 6:30 am

No doubt saved enough for I.D. Hopefully his fucking head, on a pike, with his dick in it.

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 10:50 pm

DNA? Fingerprints? Dental records?
We've all seen that episode of "the Sopranos", right?

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Absolutely!

gurukalehuru May 2, 2011 at 8:44 am
chascates May 2, 2011 at 3:37 am

CNN:
A U.S. official told CNN that bin Laden was buried at sea. The official said his body was handled in the Islamic tradition, but did not elaborate.

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 4:24 am

Wait, so they wrapped him an in an old Afghan and dumped his dirty ass into the Arabian Sea, right? Good.

Actually, I'd much prefer he be dropped in a volcano to prevent a Zombie OBL, but this work, too, if the sharks get to him.

GeneralLerong May 2, 2011 at 3:37 am

Reuters wins a point for this phrase:

Trumping the Opposition

chascates May 2, 2011 at 3:39 am

'Snap" analysis! It's all the Great Game!

MiniMencken May 2, 2011 at 3:39 am

Bin Laden, done. Next on the list, Koch brothers, Rupert Murdoch.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 3:47 am

You know, if society ever descends to the point where "Running Man" gets on TV, I'd throw $5 at a PPV of the Koch brothers being contestants.

problemwithcaring May 2, 2011 at 3:58 am

It's going to be fun waking up Monday morning and listening to the teabaggy racists struggle to sympathize with a pathological religious nut who advocated killing innocents to sustain his provincial way of life…actually, no, that is pretty much what they always do and I can't stand listening to it.

axmxz May 2, 2011 at 4:02 am

Buried at sea?!! Damn it. Someone find out which sea, so that I can pee into it.

Beanball May 2, 2011 at 4:08 am

Fox News, assholes to the bitter end, actually ran a chyron during Geraldo Rivera's reportage earlier this evening: "Obama Bin Laden slain."

Keep fucking that chicken, Fox "News."

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 4:24 am

Ah. We're there. The world's greatest journalist has chimed in on the issue.

GregComlish May 2, 2011 at 9:03 am

that isn't skoal rebel!

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 4:50 am

Happily, none of this fools the sharp thinkers at Alex Jones's site. They are quite certain that this, following on the heels of the fake long-form birf certificate, is part of a massive disinformation blitz to distract us from the REAL story, although they have not quite reached consensus on what the real story is.

Also, several commenters note the uncanny similarity between the names "Osama" and "Obama," and seem genuinely surprised that the two names are only one letter apart..

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 5:00 am

These are the incurable cases of stupidity that will make a grown man cry.

gurukalehuru May 2, 2011 at 5:16 am

Buried at sea? Buried at sea? Sounds like a whole lot of bullshit to me. That's going to be the topic of my blog, in about 45 minutes at http://www.gurukalehuru.com

GregComlish May 2, 2011 at 9:11 am

Seriously, this only happened yesterday night and no details are available. You can't possibly have any solid arguments that suggest that the Osama killing was "bullshit". All you can do is reveal yourself to be innately biased against the administration.

If I were Obama, I would deliberately withhold images of the dead Bin Laden. This will cause the idiot right-wing base to go apeshit with conspiracy theories. Then I would release the photos at a politically advantageous opportunity just to smack down the birther crowd one more time.

MozakiBlocks May 2, 2011 at 5:50 am

My President is one bad ass muther….

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 10:52 pm

Shut yo' mouth!

4TheTurnstiles May 2, 2011 at 6:15 am

Pakistan got some splainin to do.

weejee May 2, 2011 at 8:22 am

Pakistan got some serious 'splainin to do. The hideout hacienda was ~ 1000 yards from their Army's elite officer training camp.

Limeylizzie May 2, 2011 at 6:21 am

I am not someone who ever wished anyone dead, well, apart from Sarah Palin, but as a New Yorker I am delighted. That day , 10 years ago, was the day I felt that I really became a New Yorker, I had been living here for about 18 months and had just been cast in my first Broadway show, we started rehearsals 5 days earlier and I was so full of love for this city. To wake up to that horror was just mind-numbing, I will never forget going to the local bodega and the Yemenis that owned it were crying and so was I and they held my hands and we all stood in the middle of the shop and sobbed together. I will never forget taking all the flowers that we received for our opening night and , together with the whole cast, putting them outside the fire station in Times Square. I will never forget the night that we performed for firemen , police and other first responders it was awesome, in the proper meaning of that word. So, this morning I am remembering all those moments and crying like a baby and this morning I am happy that someone is dead and I just love Obama.

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 6:36 am

I know what you mean. I don't think one should ever get using to celebrating murder simply because of who the victim was, but I do not at all begrudge anyone for celebrating what a murder of someone that has menaced the world and murdered scores of people, himself, means to he victims of these attacks. If we'd have caught him alive, well, for me, that'd have been different. But, he was killed fair and square after apparently being given the chance to surrender if reports are accurate, and I will not lose any sleep over this.

This part of the nightmare is finally over. I keep saying it, but no one can take his place, thank god. His underlings will be with us for a while longer, and they may get a few more hits in, but the cult of Bin Laden won't ever be the same again. He was already a martyr to them; to make it official won't change that much.

Hopefully, this coupled with the Arab spring will bring change faster than we ever could have hoped for even a year ago. Bush over-reaction to Bin Laden can never be corrected and never be justified, but hopefully, we're finally to a point where we can split the difference and where we can all learn from our mistakes.

I'm hopeful; for my sanity, it's the only thing I can be.

Limeylizzie May 2, 2011 at 6:43 am

Hopeful is always a wonderful feeling, so hopeful I will be as well.

widget2011 May 2, 2011 at 6:23 am

Meanwhile, Fox snewz is doing all they can to give all credit to "the previous administration". Who would have thunk it?

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 6:37 am

Morning Joe is trying as hard as it can to not give Obama too much credit. It's really kind of sad, but I could have expected that.

ttommyunger May 2, 2011 at 6:34 am

Pinochet, Sadaam Hussein, Noriega, Bin Laden. Hmmmm. What do these men have in common? Would there possibly be a lesson here somewhere? No, of course not; NUMBER ONE, NUMBER ONE!!!!!!

Limeylizzie May 2, 2011 at 6:47 am

I would not normally link to Slate, but this is a great column.
http://www.slate.com/id/2292673/?from=rss

Barry Obama is so fucking astonishing, what a fucking stone cold temperament.

carlgt1 May 2, 2011 at 6:59 am

the dipshit SMU students surrounding Bush's house cheering & waving signs saying "Thank You President Bush" really says it all about our idiocracy….

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 7:10 am

Let's put this into proper context. This is probably one of the only universities Bush can still go to, unplanned, and not get the hell booed off of campus. This doesn't say much about our idiocracy, maybe not even that much about Texas, but maybe a bit about Dallas. lol

carlgt1 May 2, 2011 at 7:27 am

actually from what I see early this morning the Repubs are starting to chant in unison "thank you Bush!" They forget his March 2002 abandonment of the bin Laden manhunt ("bin Laden is not important, he's marginalized, frankly I'm not concerned about him").

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 10:55 pm

It it makes you feel any better, he was undoubtedly passed out or hung over and missed the whole thing.

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 7:26 am

BTW, there is much talk of 9/11 in all of this, but I also don't want Americans to forget the hundreds of people killed between Kenya, Tanzania and the U.S.S. Cole bombing. So, so, so much death this man ordered and rendered upon this globe specifically targeting innocents. He left his finger print from Washington to Dar es Salaam, fron New York to Nairobi, and everywhere in between.

J Rbt. Oppenheiner May 2, 2011 at 7:27 am

Who is the new number one?

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 7:31 am

Probably Zawahiri, the funny-looking pediatrician that's been OBL right-hand man for quite a few years now. Hopefully, we'll find his ass, too, because we know more than we knew about Bin Laden that he's in Pakistan.

magnetite May 2, 2011 at 8:26 am

"You are number six."

(I hope that's the 'The Prisoner' reference you were waiting for)

bagofmice May 2, 2011 at 9:55 am

Probably the person in the hierarchy to be determined after they discover who #2 works for.

deanbooth May 2, 2011 at 7:38 am

This is what happens when your pee gets to -1000. America will kill you.

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 7:44 am

So that's what pee points are for. It's all starting to make sense. Yes, yes…

metamarcisf May 2, 2011 at 7:39 am

Where's the death certificate?

CrunchyKnee May 2, 2011 at 8:37 am

Long form!

bagofmice May 2, 2011 at 9:57 am

Breitbart's newest property, BigDeath.com

Limeylizzie May 2, 2011 at 7:58 am

They are being just vile on Breitbart, of course I was being pretty vile as well, but this is a response to my calling them unpatriotic.

Serve your own master ya' citruslizardslut. If you are looking for consensus, head for Code Pink or Huffington or places where spineless anti-American degenerates flourish. There is nothing you can say or do that will persuade anyone that Obama is other than what he is, a narcissistic socialist with an agenda that conflicts with American values. And, as to you, on a personal level, put a burqa over your face and find some lara logan stalkerrelieve your frustration. If you had an iota of curiousity then maybe your pedantly liberalmind might wonder why there was such an urgency to dispose of the body of one of the most vile muslims in history. Wash your feet and be fruitful with yourself.

4TheTurnstiles May 2, 2011 at 8:25 am

Their great-grandparents may have painted watercolors at lynchings, but their children will murder them in their sleep.

weejee May 2, 2011 at 8:31 am

Mmmm. Sounds rather restrained for that lot. Open an Old Peculiar and just tell them to sod off.

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 10:58 pm

"citruslizardslut"

Although I will say that this sounds springlike and refreshing.

Oblios_Cap May 2, 2011 at 8:01 am

Great. Now the Old Guard will need to manufacture a new boogieman that causes the Redstaters to wet their beds.

littlebigdaddy May 2, 2011 at 8:06 am

All your base are belong to us!

Chet Kincaid May 2, 2011 at 8:19 am

Clue: Taking flight lessons without learning to take off or land.
Clue: Building a million dollar mansion without phone or Internet.

weejee May 2, 2011 at 8:32 am

Subtle

MrFizzy May 2, 2011 at 8:25 am

When are the deathers going to start asking for that certificate?

neiltheblaze May 2, 2011 at 8:28 am

I was watching the Brian Williams' coverage last night and had to turn it off when he went to his third Republican "guest" in a row and was essentially bemoaning the sad fact that poor Dubya didn't get to announce Bin Laden's death on his watch.

He gave up on "getting" Bin Laden, Brian. Remember? No, of course you don't.

ThundercatHo May 2, 2011 at 8:30 am

You just know that after President Cool B. Badass walked off camera he was dancing and pointing to his schlong. "YOU can suck it and YOU can suck it and YOU, Hairball Head can suck it and kiss my fine, black ass!

weejee May 2, 2011 at 8:33 am

Badda bing. Too soon?

Chet Kincaid May 2, 2011 at 9:18 am

No. When Barry said he was hiding in a mansion in "a badda bing," I was even more outraged that it included a strip club!

randcoolcatdaddy May 2, 2011 at 8:39 am

I won't believe it until I see the death certificate. Long form.

snoopyfan2010 May 2, 2011 at 8:40 am

Probably no surprise, but in Texas they are thanking Bush for this. Because he was the one who was directing the effort the past three years.

freakishlywrong May 2, 2011 at 8:49 am

This is almost entirely being credited to "Obama continuing the policies of Bush, over the protestations of the far left". They, in their haste to polish the turd have completely forgotten about Bush's 2002 statements calling Osama irrelevant. Can Obamar get a fucking ounce of credit here? Jesus Christ.

weejee May 2, 2011 at 9:01 am

It's because Lou Sarah can see the caves of Tora Bora suburbs of Islamabad from her porch. Oh, sorry freakishly, you meant the other bush.

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 11:00 pm

"Can Obamar get a fucking ounce of credit here?"

No. No, he cannot.

BaldarTFlagass May 2, 2011 at 8:57 am

Well, seems to me that if they buried him on land and the burial site became a shrine, it would be the perfect place to orbit a drone with a shit-ton of Hellfires on board.

Has anyone asked how this affects Sarah Palin?

I reckon they would have done this last week, but they didn't want to take away the spotlight from the royal wedding.

4TheTurnstiles May 2, 2011 at 8:59 am

This smirking asshat, calling Osama irrelevant in 2002…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PGmnz5Ow-o&

crybabyboehner May 2, 2011 at 10:28 am

OK Obama killed Bin Laden. But Trump fired Gary Busey. So it's basically a draw, right?

DahBoner May 2, 2011 at 11:11 am

Yes, it's true. Obama has an inspirational sign on his desk that says:

DO WHAT THAT WHITE IDIOT COULDN'T DO.

tessiee May 2, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Speak complete sentences in intelligible English?

Selfish_T May 2, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Hey, no worries. I've accepted my -28 points and moved on.

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