TEXAS JUSTICE ADMINISTERED BY KENYAN  10:38 pm May 1, 2011

DEAD!: Liveblogging the Address By Osama Bin Laden Killer Barack Obama

by Jack Stuef

Haha, fuckface.WAT WAT WAT. Twitter is saying that Osama bin Laden is dead, and President Obama is about to address the nation. Is Bin Laden already dead, or is Obama going to decapitate him live on the air, to stick it to the terrorists who are always doing that to our hostages? You would think he would wait for sweeps week, or maybe November 2012 to do something like this. THIS IS VERY EXCITING AND YOUR EDITOR IS PLANNING TO DRINK ALCOHOL AND CELEBRATE IN THE STREETS OF NEW YORK. Wolf Blitzer is being a pussy about this, but if Twitter says it’s true, it must be. OSAMA BIN LADEN IS FINALLY DEAD. High five, diabetes or whatever did this to him.

10:38 PM — We can now report at this hour that WAT WAT WAT?
10:40 PM — But… couldn’t we have rehabilitated him?
10:41 PM — We’re turning off CNN. They are refusing to say what is happening and have somehow filled 15 minutes of air time just saying “something is happening, something is happening, I am Wolf Blitzer and am serious, so I will just let you know something is happening.”
10:42 PM — UGH, HURRY UP, OBAMA. We will assume Twitter itself murdered Osama bin Laden, just like it overthrew the government of Iran.
10:44 PM — Now CNN is reporting this. The U.S. “is convinced it has the body of Osama bin Laden.” OH JEEZ, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH IT? Can we put the head on a stake near Ground Zero? THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE ARE GOING TO WANT TO DO. WATCH THE POLLS, OBAMA.
10:46 PM — Is there any way we can make George W. Bush president again for the next 20 minutes? That guy is going to be really sad he doesn’t get to make this speech.
10:49 PM — There’s going to be a long segment of “People We Lost This Year” dedicated to this guy at this year’s Terrorism Awards.
10:59 PM — “It will send a rocket around the world” — Wolf Blitzer, metaphor guy
10:59 PM — The terrorists are mad! That’s why they retaliated by taking their number one target in America offline for 10 minutes: Wonkette.
11:02 PM — People on Twitter tell us Bin Laden was killed, by America, a week ago, and did DNA tests in the mean time to make sure it was him. Makes sense. That’s why all of Obama’s speeches this week were, “Uhh, I have something really big I want to tell you guys, but I can’t! Uhh, bye!”
11:04 PM — Fox News leads the way in accuracy once again (via Tyler Coates):
WINNER!
11:09 PM — Here’s the official drinking game:
FOR EACH OSAMA BIN LADEN THAT IS KILLED: Drink 13 beers.
11:11 PM — Ed Henry is annoyed by those damn tourists shouting “USA! USA! USA!” outside the White House. Don’t you people know he is on teevee, trying to keep from releasing any actual information to his audience?
11:13 PM — Killed in a Pakistan MANSION? A mansion? OH FUCK THAT GUY.
11:14 PM — Osama was LIVING IN THE SUBURBS. We think there was a Tom Hanks movie about this?
11:15 PM — Hopefully the American bombs won’t upset his subdivision’s carpool to the cave tomorrow morning?
11:17 PM —
'But seriously, my family is important.'
Wait, Osama bin Laden was Luke Russert’s dad? #nepotism #starwars
11:20 PM — Yeah, but this is the same country that can’t even catch Osama bin Laden. OH WAIT.
11:23 PM — Seriously Obama, how did he not let this slip earlier? For example, when he was making jokes about Donald Trump last night? Or when he was releasing his birth certificate? He could have told people he actually does real things sometimes at his job!
11:25 PM — Somebody texted your editor saying Brian Williams had to leave his guest spot at the UCB Theater improv show ASSSSCAT tonight to go on the air. THAT’S how big this announcement is, folks.
11:27 PM — Chuck Todd says people are singing “We Are the Champions” outside the White House. We were just going to post that video! America is standing united again! Stick up your flags, everyone!
11:28 PM — UPDATE: That ASSSSCAT thing was apparently a joke. The texter in question is no longer a friend now, and your editor regrets this error.
11:29 PM — Obama has put off the announcement again. What a tease! Maybe he’s dressing up the body in an embarrassing costume? HAHA, HIGH FIVE, OBAMA.
11:29 PM —
Did Trump fire Osama?
That’s it! Election’s over! We can call it! Obama wins!
11:33 PM — UGH, but how could Obama kill him? He’s a secret Muslim. This makes no sense! Wingnut heads are exploding.
11:34 PM — This is actually quicker than most capital punishment carried out by America, to be fair.
11:35 PM — The leader of who? Oh, that guy. Good work.
11:36 PM — WAIT, WHAT?
Good work.
Whoooooooooooooooooops.
11:37 PM — Thanks for the Cliff Notes, Obama. We totally forgot about this war. We’ve had like seven since this all started.
11:38 PM — Al Kida? How do you spell this? Help us out, Obama.
11:39 PM — Obama calls Osama’s mansion a “compound.”
11:39 PM — Holy shit, somebody killed him on the ground? Hero time! Hero hero hero!
11:39 PM — Fireworks are going off here in Brooklyn. America, etc.! Yay!
11:41 PM — There goes your fantasy of killing Bin Laden yourselves, America’s country singers.
11:41 PM — Obama says Pakistan is not unhappy about this. Okay!
11:42 PM — “Justice has been done.” Oh shit! The movie is over! Obama is putting on his sunglasses and walking away in slow motion!
11:43 PM — “America can do whatever we set our minds to.” As long as it’s killing people, we’re really good at that. And as long as you give us a decade to get around to doing it.
11:45 PM — Hey Obama definitely plagiarized that “indivisible, America, under God” stuff. Not sure where from, but we think we’ve heard it before.
11:45 PM — But seriously, great speech, President Badass! Woah!
11:49 PM — Obama could not have put on any more sunglasses in slow motion as he walked away from that podium. Any. More. Sunglasses.
11:50 PM — So this is the first war America has won since 1945, yes?
11:51 PM — Never stop being Fox News, Fox News! This being sent around Twitter requires dedication:
STAY ON MESSAGE! STAY ON MESSAGE!
11:55 PM — Also being sent around Twitter: Obama’s face last night at the Correspondents dinner when a joke was made about Bin Laden:
Keeping it in like a badass!
This is what Obama looked like experiencing the greatest feeling of badassery in human history.
11:59 PM — George W. Bush’s statement:

Earlier this evening, President Obama called to inform me that American forces killed Osama bin Laden, the leader of the al Qaeda network that attacked America on September 11, 2001. I congratulated him and the men and women of our military and intelligence communities who devoted their lives to this mission. They have our everlasting gratitude. This momentous achievement marks a victory for America, for people who seek peace around the world, and for all those who lost loved ones on September 11, 2001. The fight against terror goes on, but tonight America has sent an unmistakable message: No matter how long it takes, justice will be done.

This has to be the most bittersweet call Bush ever received. Even more than that time somebody called him to say they were out of cocaine at a party he was going to but they had plenty of beer.
12:05 AM — So many people outside the White House! This is America’s Mighty Ducks 4. We are the champions.
12:09 AM — The Obama children are going to be on their BEST BEHAVIOR for the next few days. The guy is a little too badass to even be in the same room as for a few days without shitting your pants.
12:11 AM — Obama also reportedly called Bill Clinton tonight. Bill Clinton’s phone probably exploded from all the badass.
12:24 AM — NEW THREAD!

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 503 comments }

missemish May 1, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Oh thank god, I thought I was going to have to rely on twitter for news of our Muslim extraterrestrial invasion.

tunamelt May 1, 2011 at 10:41 pm

Are we supposed to be drinking for this or stockpiling guns?

Barb May 1, 2011 at 10:42 pm

We are drinking!

SorosBot May 1, 2011 at 10:44 pm

This is Wonkette, not Breitbart or Red State; the answer is always drinking.

tunamelt May 1, 2011 at 10:46 pm

Is white wine appropriate or should I break out the everclear?

Barb May 1, 2011 at 11:01 pm

A drink should have only two ingredients: ice is an ingredient.

SorosBot May 1, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Whatever you want! I'm doing the rum and diet Coke/

Callyson May 1, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Mmm that sounds good…and have you ever tried coconut rum with diet lime Coke? Very tasty…

Barb May 1, 2011 at 11:27 pm

Diet beer here.

Rarian Rakista May 1, 2011 at 11:26 pm

I think this occasion calls for Kraken Rum Kamakazis.

brown_recluse May 1, 2011 at 11:35 pm

I think that this is the perfect occasion for a Manhattan!

undeterredbyreality May 1, 2011 at 11:02 pm

Both, of course!

Callyson May 1, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Yes

mrblifil May 1, 2011 at 11:30 pm

You might want to delay any planned excursions through Islamabad.

anniegetyerfun May 1, 2011 at 11:31 pm

The drink I am imbibing is called The Gun Stockpiler, so it's two birds with one gun/stone.

HistoriCat May 1, 2011 at 11:40 pm

Recipe please.

exmartinette May 1, 2011 at 10:41 pm

Big ol' bunker-bustin' halvah bomb. Deadly to diabetics.

ShiftyParadigm May 1, 2011 at 10:42 pm

I love that he's doing this while "Celebrity Apprentice" is on. Take THAT, Donald.

Native_of_SL_UT May 1, 2011 at 11:05 pm

I knew they were complaining about the timing of this on Free Republic, but I thought they were thinking the timing was a convenient distraction from the forged birth certificate not at pwning Trump for two nights in a row..

freddymcmurray May 2, 2011 at 4:48 am

Sorry, Donny, you fuck stick.

memzilla May 1, 2011 at 10:42 pm

So now Trump Kasino Kabul can open?

Rarian Rakista May 1, 2011 at 11:27 pm

I'm sure that Trump will somehow take credit for this as well.

flamingpdog May 2, 2011 at 12:03 am

So he can add a bankrupt casino to bankrupt foreign policy? Aw heck, pizza and trucknutz for all our special forces that took out the asshole (bin Laden, not Trump)!

Respitetini May 1, 2011 at 10:42 pm

MSNBC you tease.

HempDogbane May 1, 2011 at 10:43 pm

It was Biden, in the Lincoln Bedroom, with the dialysis machine.

emmelemm May 1, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Awesome.

Dashboard_Jesus May 2, 2011 at 2:36 am

fucking WIN of the night!

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 4:39 am

Oh, I do think you've won the night. You keep this up and you're on your way to winning the future, too.

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum May 1, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Not the person I most wanted dead after this past week, but I'll take it.

Maman May 1, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Who was your choice?

nounverb911 May 1, 2011 at 11:26 pm

Does he wear a fox on his head?

flamingpdog May 2, 2011 at 12:04 am

Does he have a pacemaker next to his alleged heart?

AJW@[redacted] May 2, 2011 at 12:29 am

Yes, that one please.

deanbooth May 2, 2011 at 7:47 am

That was my first guess when I saw the cheering crowds.

SorosBot May 1, 2011 at 10:45 pm

And here I thought seeing the whiny, annoying goths eliminated from the Amazing Race would be the bad-things-happening-to-bad-people highlight of my night.

Respitetini May 1, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Times called it. CBS called it. Looks like it's Obama.

undeterredbyreality May 1, 2011 at 11:03 pm

You mean Osama? You must have been watching Fox.

You say Obama, I say Osama,
Let's call the whole thing off.

Andrew Drinker May 1, 2011 at 11:24 pm

Hopefully Obama makes this same gaffe himself during his live comments! :-P

GuyWithTheFace May 1, 2011 at 10:46 pm

Fox News: "Took him long enough."

anniegetyerfun May 1, 2011 at 11:24 pm

"What we need to appreciate is how George W Bush MADE THIS A POSSIBILITY. Without Bush, we never would have been able to track down and kill bin Laden."

UpFistTroll May 1, 2011 at 11:50 pm

It's true. Without George W. Bush, 9/11 probably wouldn't have happened.

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum May 1, 2011 at 10:46 pm

Wasn't that Mr. G?

whiskeybaby May 1, 2011 at 10:46 pm

obama is such a cocktease

bigdupa May 1, 2011 at 10:46 pm

Fox calling him "Usama Bin Laden." Idiots. Can't spell Usama without USA!

JustPixelz May 1, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Fox uses official US government transliteration of bin Laden's name. Actually makes sense, but everyone else sez Osama.

SorosBot May 1, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Fuckin' Anglicizations of non-Latinate languages; how do they work?

emmelemm May 1, 2011 at 11:30 pm

I don't know.. how do they work? {always confused}

anniegetyerfun May 1, 2011 at 11:50 pm

Usama is correct – the Arabic letter is a U. It's just pronounced in such a way that could be either a U or an O in English.

trampndirtdown May 2, 2011 at 12:07 am

How about Landen?

nounverb911 May 1, 2011 at 11:16 pm

I'm still waiting for fox to call him "Obama bin Laden".

HistoriCat May 1, 2011 at 11:42 pm

NPR beat them to it.

JustPixelz May 1, 2011 at 11:53 pm

You're thinking of Obama bin Biden.

anniegetyerfun May 1, 2011 at 11:50 pm

I would never normally admit this, but Fox is right.

freddymcmurray May 2, 2011 at 4:50 am

I guess Usama is better than OBAMA. And oh yeah, Obama BROUGHT IT. Fuck you rightwingtards.

gullywompr May 1, 2011 at 10:46 pm

Needz moar long form death certificate.

revmod May 1, 2011 at 11:30 pm

This is a proud moment for Donald Trump.

whiskeybaby May 1, 2011 at 10:47 pm

BOOM. There it is.

Barb May 1, 2011 at 10:47 pm

Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker! I am crying so hard right now. It was my dream for this to happen. Fuck you, Palin. Try to disrespect Barack Obama, President of the United States of America now, bitch!
Bin Laden is DEAD!

undeterredbyreality May 1, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Barb–you surprise me. After all your posts and wins, you still surprise me.

You had me at Yippee.

Barb May 1, 2011 at 11:14 pm

Thank you! I honestly thought they were going to say that Muammar Gaddafi was dead. This shocked the HELL out of me. I swear to God, I am still crying. I always said that Barack could find the means to kill this monster and peace would come to America for a brief moment of time and we could all be united in respect for one another. Sure, he will go back to being a Muslim, chimp, blah, blah, blah in a few days. For as long as it lasts, I am going to soak it in.

Limeylizzie May 1, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Hi Baby, I too am sobbing like a baby, I hope Barry puts his head on a pike outside the White House.

Barb May 1, 2011 at 11:26 pm

I will be flying to Vegas on Sunday. I hope this isn't going to affect my getting a good boobie grope by the nice security guys. I will follow up with buying two Cinnabon rolls and eating the centers out and feeling special.

flamingpdog May 2, 2011 at 12:12 am

Barb, it's official now – you are my goddess of snark! (Sorry Sara B.) Your rapier wit (and your non-Boner tears) outshine Sara's rapeyer wit. I want to be the father of your children – all 18 of them. Please don't be put off by my small p-ness. With your guidance (and a few upfists now and again), my p-ness will grow in spurts.

Barb May 2, 2011 at 12:42 am

Thanks for the shout-out. People, upfist Flamingpdog or you are not invited to my "white cotton panty tickle fight" between my and my dear friend, Limey Lizzie.
Ready, set, go!

Dashboard_Jesus May 9, 2011 at 1:07 am

while I love your posts, unfortunately OBL was NOT the monster you (and many others) may have thought him to be…he was a paid CIA operative for many, many years and then, like others before him, he turned on *US* or more appropriately his handlers…he was never tied to 9/11 except for the liars in our govt. corporation led by the criminals at Bush/Cheney, Inc. whom I might add are responsible for many, many more hundreds of thousands of dead human beings than OBL ever DREAMED of…murderer yes, monster, well maybe…one man's (or woman's) terrorist is another's freedom fighter and he is no worse (or better) than our own homegrown 'Merkan Taliban Xtain xtremists…now if'n he had access to the AWESOME Dept. of War stockpile of Weapons of Mass Death he coulda been a contender!

Dashboard_Jesus May 2, 2011 at 2:51 am

I'm SURE $carah will find a way to be the victim again (unrequited OBL/ BHO love triangle?)

whiskeybaby May 1, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Will Dubya be crying into his not-beer tonight?

iburl May 1, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Boner is crying.

Trinket May 2, 2011 at 3:35 am

Oh, please, that asshat fell off the wagon about three days into his presidency.

freddymcmurray May 2, 2011 at 4:50 am

No, it's near-beer… and not-pot (K2).

karen May 1, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Ding dong the witch is dead! The mean old witch, the wicked witch! Ding dong the wicked witch is deaaaad!

freddymcmurray May 2, 2011 at 4:51 am

Cheney's dead?!

SayItWithWookies May 1, 2011 at 10:48 pm

This Muslim-on-Muslim violence has got to stop.

Dashboard_Jesus May 2, 2011 at 2:52 am

ok you got it Wooks, WIN o' the day!

Respitetini May 1, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Bush could've done it too, you know, if he hadn't had such a hard on for Iraq.

mrblifil May 1, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Didn't want to. From Bush's perspective he was more valuable alive than dead.

doloras May 1, 2011 at 10:48 pm

"Bin Laden was trained by the CIA, but I guess if you're a terrorist for the US, then that's okay."

DerrickWildcat May 1, 2011 at 10:48 pm

May Surprise!
Like Totally…also.

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 12:02 am

this was clearly his re-election strategy.

Oldskool_ May 1, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Awesome. He knocks em dead in DC one night and stalks OBL the next. There's nothing he can't do.

Timofmars May 2, 2011 at 1:01 pm

I think you mean he knocks em dead in Pakistan and stalks Trump

SayItWithWookies May 1, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Donald Trump is announcing that he's very proud of himself right now.

KobayashiMaru May 1, 2011 at 11:23 pm

He also demands to see the death certificate.

RadioPretty May 1, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Oh Wooks, that sums it up.

hollywooddood May 1, 2011 at 11:42 pm

I'm sure Donald Trump and Qadaffi are both having to change their shorts right about now.

SorosBot May 1, 2011 at 10:50 pm

So it took Obama being president for two and a half years to accomplish what Bush spent seven years failing to do; sounds about right.

undeterredbyreality May 1, 2011 at 11:06 pm

This is good news for . . .

Barb May 1, 2011 at 11:06 pm

What about McCain saying that IF we elect him he could find him, "I know how"

SorosBot May 1, 2011 at 11:12 pm

He knew how, but wouldn't tell anyone else; what a selfish grouchy old man.

SayItWithWookies May 1, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Now McCain will always maybe have been right. Like many other failures.

Sparky_McGruff May 1, 2011 at 11:12 pm

That means he should get less than half the credit, right? Like my wife says when I open the pickle jar she's been straining to open, without success, "I did the hard part for you".

Dashboard_Jesus May 2, 2011 at 3:04 am

hey, shrub spent a LOT of time lookin' fer OBL (under the WH furniture?) fuck do I hate that asshole more than ever, also… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdDp_jlgC9M

JoeBiteme May 1, 2011 at 10:50 pm

I am pleased beyond description that Obama's announcement is about to preempt Celebrity Apprentice on the West Coast.

Callyson May 1, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Those of us on the West Coast are elated by that fact

Barb May 1, 2011 at 10:50 pm

USA! USA! USA!

DerrickWildcat May 1, 2011 at 10:52 pm

I'm missing Geraldo At Large for this liberal bullshit?

glamourdammerung May 1, 2011 at 10:52 pm

President Obama just showed yet another case of an illegal immigrant doing the jobs we do not want to do.

glamourdammerung May 1, 2011 at 10:55 pm

Though it is going to be sickening watching the Breitards, Palin, etc. siding with bin Laden against the President of the United States tomorrow.

undeterredbyreality May 1, 2011 at 11:07 pm

It will be interesting to see them esploding in cognitive dissonance.

imissopus May 1, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Fox to complain about Obama taking too much credit for Bin Laden's death in 3…2…1…

But seriously, that's awesome news. NOW can we leave Afghanistan?

SorosBot May 1, 2011 at 10:59 pm

They'll find a way to give Bush the credit, I'm sure.

Rarian Rakista May 1, 2011 at 11:41 pm

Not before Trump takes credit.

trampndirtdown May 2, 2011 at 12:12 am

Awesome news but no we are not leaving afghanistan until a few more billions are squeezed out of the treasury.

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 12:13 am

i just heard a former bushie on NPR (pipes maybe?) saying our lesson here is that we should take the shot when we have it.

i believe that's a clinton slam.

DerrickWildcat May 1, 2011 at 10:57 pm

This is pretty fucking huge for Donald Trump.

iburl May 1, 2011 at 11:02 pm

"This is the greatest day of my life. I'm so proud that my pushing the president has resulted in this news. The Donald would like to accept your thanks. You're welcome 9/11."

Barb May 1, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Palin is being Twitter silent, all of a sudden. Say it bitch!

Beowoof May 1, 2011 at 11:33 pm

She would but she is probably waiting for the long form death certificate.

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 12:14 am

</T>

emmelemm May 2, 2011 at 12:37 am

Nice.

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 1:11 am

"Thank you, American men and women in uniform. You are America’s finest and we are all so proud. Thank you for fighting against terrorism." @SarahPalinUSA

The cunt couldn't bring herself to mention the guy who gave the orders.

iburl May 1, 2011 at 11:00 pm

I'm already nursing a hangover, can this wait til 7 am?

SorosBot May 1, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Hey we're back! How did you break Wonkette there, Jack? Or is it just that there's too many people reloading at once?

Redhead May 1, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Screw the live decapitation – I want a live video feed of the teatards' heads exploding as they realize NOBAMER, a BLACK man and secret muslin nazi, killed Nosama, a brown muslin terrorist (in 1/4 the time it took Bush to not do it).

aguacatero May 1, 2011 at 11:34 pm

The streets flow freely with schadenfreude.

flamingpdog May 2, 2011 at 12:20 am

If the invisible hand of the free market were signed up for Wonkette, you would have another upfist.

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 12:31 am

I'm sure we'll find out how it proves he's morally weak. Even odds on "He just did this to distract from the questions about his birf certificate."

imissopus May 1, 2011 at 11:02 pm

If it was Bush he's already have OBL's head dangling from the flagpole on the White House roof. This proves that Obama is morally weak.

ifthethunderdontgetya May 1, 2011 at 11:02 pm

You know who else celebrated the death of their enemies with a live/drinking blog?

That's right…
~

nounverb911 May 1, 2011 at 11:13 pm

Decimus Junius Brutus Albinus?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brutus_Albinus

SorosBot May 1, 2011 at 11:14 pm

Winston Churchill and Woodrow Wilson?

bagofmice May 1, 2011 at 11:14 pm

Josh Marshall?

undeterredbyreality May 1, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Stalin?

SorosBot May 1, 2011 at 11:24 pm

The Rebel Alliance and the Ewoks? Yub yub…

PocketsTheClown May 1, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Tupac and Biggie, apparently.

anniegetyerfun May 1, 2011 at 11:50 pm

Me!

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 12:14 am

VIKINGS!

flamingpdog May 2, 2011 at 12:23 am

Napolean Boehnerparts?

Barb May 1, 2011 at 11:03 pm

Has anyone gotten the long form death certificate yet? Trump will want to see it.

HempDogbane May 1, 2011 at 11:03 pm

Breaking: Killer tornado claims one more victim; house dropped on bin Laden. Surprise ending for hated terrorist; found to wear striped socks.

mayor_quimby May 1, 2011 at 11:04 pm

Chuck Toad didn't even have time to put his contacts in, he takes them out when he blows guys for plausible deniability.

DerrickWildcat May 1, 2011 at 11:04 pm

ATTENTION!
Wolf Blitzer has told me (And possibly you) that this will be one of the defining moments in your life. One of the, where you were and what you were doing things in your life that you will remember forever.
Like when Kennedy was stabbed, 9/11, when, "Joey" was canceled or the first time a girl talked to you without throwing up.
I want everyone right now to look around at your surroundings and maybe punch yourself in the face, hit your dick with a hammer, (ladies too) break a prized possession or set something on fire…something that will help you remember this event for the rest or your life.

SayItWithWookies May 1, 2011 at 11:08 pm

I, for one, remember where I am right now.

JustPixelz May 1, 2011 at 11:16 pm

I remember getting an AOL IM on 9/11: "a plane just crashed into the world trade center" An IM!?! That's how long ago.

SorosBot May 1, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Let's see; I was playing New Super Mario Brothers Wii, and took a break to see if the latest Game of Thrones episode was, uh, available yet and at the same time checked some blogs and suddenly, Holy Shit.

undeterredbyreality May 1, 2011 at 11:24 pm

I was watching "The Queen" and paused it for a smoke and to check the news. Smoking. Drinking. Watching Netflix. Never forget.

Beowoof May 1, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Another Luksowa and I won't give a shit where I am. More wodka.

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 12:17 am

i was in a play and forgot to turn off my phone and got txt'd so i probably will remember this for a long time to come.

BklynIlluminati May 1, 2011 at 11:05 pm

This all feels so strange, I'm happy and sad at the same time. It feels very raw I MISS MY FUCKING TOWERS GODDAMMIT

mrblifil May 1, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Every time I cross Manhattan Bridge on the train, I find myself looking for them.

Limeylizzie May 1, 2011 at 11:22 pm

I never cared for them, but I missed them so much afterwards.

Callyson May 1, 2011 at 11:24 pm

I know. Every time I see them, in a movie or something, I still grit my teeth…but perhaps now I will be able to follow that reaction with a deep breath and a smile.

PocketsTheClown May 1, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Tell 'em, B-Ill. Riding the PATH train through a hole in the ground pissed me off every single time. You tell 'em.

Dashboard_Jesus May 9, 2011 at 1:35 am

personally while I mourned the tragic loss of human life I can't shed a single tear for the loss of any of the MONUMENTAL phallic symbols that ALL skyscrapers represent for rich (mostly) white men who have serious *issues* with the size of their little dicks…fuck 'em all

ms_mcgee May 1, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Huh. It's exactly eight years to the day from when Bush declared "Mission Accomplished." So close G Dub, so close.

mayor_quimby May 2, 2011 at 12:20 am

WOW, holy shit. That is insane..
I forget, at the Mission Accomplished event, we didn't have Sadaam yet, correct? (boozy memory)

ms_mcgee May 2, 2011 at 12:42 am

Nope. US didn't find him until December of '03. Is weird they're both dead…

mrblifil May 1, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Obla-di, Obla-die, OBL dead…

rambone May 1, 2011 at 11:05 pm

I hope our Muslin-in-Chief allows himself a "Allah Hakbar" or two, during his address.

SayItWithWookies May 1, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Damn. The whole internet went down. Apparently back up now.

SonofSpermcube May 2, 2011 at 6:37 am

I remember the last time a news story did this. It was 9/11.

ifthethunderdontgetya May 1, 2011 at 11:06 pm

I've got an idea…can we get the hell out of Afghanistan now?
~

nounverb911 May 1, 2011 at 11:07 pm

Will George W Bush be representing the US at the funeral?

DahBoner May 2, 2011 at 11:00 am

First thought when W heard the news:

Nooooooooo! Ya killed ny bid'ness partner! Now, how am I going to betray America while making a profit doing it???????????????????

meufchelou May 1, 2011 at 11:07 pm

And what about Francisco Franco??? I need to know.

nounverb911 May 1, 2011 at 11:13 pm

And in other news, Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead!

meufchelou May 1, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Thank you.

Beowoof May 1, 2011 at 11:36 pm

I was going to direct you to Miss Jean Brodie recruiting.

AnAmericanInTO May 1, 2011 at 11:07 pm

I think my mother in law picked the wrong day to tell me that Obama was the "worst president in US history."

Extemporanus May 1, 2011 at 11:08 pm

Jesus fuck! Obama killed it last night even harder than I thought!

Kebabs for all my friends! (Seriously. I'm grilling them…er, burning them right now…)

bagofmice May 1, 2011 at 11:16 pm

Just stone cold skewering it!

mayor_quimby May 2, 2011 at 12:03 am

That was fuckin' gangsta. As I said, I just want to see him rap the podium with his dick, slam the microphone down and walk outta the room.

mrblifil May 1, 2011 at 11:08 pm

You know who else caused the world to cheer when he died?

SayItWithWookies May 1, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Kenneth Lay?

CalamityJames May 1, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Chuck Heston?

ShiftyParadigm May 1, 2011 at 11:21 pm

The BeeGees?

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 12:29 am

Heh…that took a minute. Well, played, sir or madam.

undeterredbyreality May 1, 2011 at 11:27 pm

Dick Cheney?

Too soon?

bagofmice May 1, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Dick Cheney's heartbeat?

Angry_Marmot May 2, 2011 at 12:21 am

Oh, like that would stop him.

nounverb911 May 1, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Ronnie Raygun?

RadioPretty May 1, 2011 at 11:39 pm

Ho Chi Minh?

SorosBot May 1, 2011 at 11:41 pm

Sauron?

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 12:28 am

Emperor Palpatine?

ChuckieJesus May 2, 2011 at 12:45 am
Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 1:23 am

Wow. As a rationalist, I realize that the odds aren't that long, at 1-in-365-and-a-bit (leap years, ya know), but as a former Catholic that does sets off the old "can't just be a coincidence" reflex.

Ken Layne May 1, 2011 at 11:08 pm

Tonight, as a nation, we can all come together and say, "They got who doin' what?"

FlipOffResearch May 1, 2011 at 11:08 pm

Pakistan? After his little campaign speech on the eve of the 2004 election, I have always thought he was tending goats in the foothills of Crawford Texas.

P.S. no god damned login button, again. So, I might copy and paste this, if I can trick fucking intense debate into giving me a login button.

Schmannnity May 1, 2011 at 11:08 pm

Suck my Democratic balls Republicans, Bush, and Cheney!

imissopus May 1, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Hey remember like a week ago when Ken was all "I don't want to ruin the surprise but next week is going to be fun" and then the ads for that Larry Flynt book showed up and we all assumed that's what he had been talking about? I think you all see where I'm going with this…

CalamityJames May 1, 2011 at 11:19 pm

Are you saying Larry Flynt was hired by Ken to track and kill Osama?

Yeah, me too.

emmelemm May 1, 2011 at 11:23 pm

I know… I too am suspicious of this timing, eh Wonkette?

Barb May 1, 2011 at 11:09 pm

"How's that hopey, changey thing working for you now?"
~Sarah Palin

Pretty fucking good! Thanks for asking, bitch!
~Barbara_I

undeterredbyreality May 1, 2011 at 11:28 pm

I love ya, Barb. I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Barb May 1, 2011 at 11:47 pm

I loved you first!

Negropolis May 1, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Barb, we are all so "Duh. Winning!" tonight, now aren't we?

Barb May 1, 2011 at 11:48 pm

I applauded so much that my ears are ringing. I wish I had fireworks right now. I would go out and set them off and dance in the streets, after finding the sash for my robe first, natch! (or not)

HistoriCat May 1, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Oh Barb – you tease!

Barb May 1, 2011 at 11:55 pm

History, so glad to share this special occasion with you, friend.

undeterredbyreality May 1, 2011 at 11:09 pm

I found a new drink! I'll name it the Opoma Martini! Gin & Pom. Yummy!

squirmisher May 1, 2011 at 11:10 pm

The republicans will find a way to criticize him for this. Don't you worry.

SayItWithWookies May 1, 2011 at 11:13 pm

McCain: Why didn't it happen sooner?

Polythene_Pam May 1, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Dammit – I was finally going to give up and watch the "Royal Wedding Recap" on Fox, but now it's been preempted for this stunning news

undeterredbyreality May 1, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Well, all you really need to do is google Pippa's ass. That's the only part worth seeing.

Schmannnity May 1, 2011 at 11:11 pm

Barack Obama is THE MAN!

Laughitoff22 May 1, 2011 at 11:11 pm

I won't believe it until I see his long-form death certificate.

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 12:19 am

oh mannn i LOVE that avatar.

cheers!

chascates May 1, 2011 at 11:11 pm

Will he be on exhibit at the Smithsonian?

Texan_Bulldog May 1, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Good news, indeed. I wonder how Fox et.al. will make this bad news for Obama…because you know they will!

Gratuitous World May 1, 2011 at 11:12 pm

now we can turn our attention to eliminating that little prick kid on the Toyota Highlander commercial. USA!

Boehneriffic May 1, 2011 at 11:31 pm

You are my hero. Many fists up.

mayor_quimby May 2, 2011 at 12:30 am

Put an iPhone tracker on his ass, and hit him with a laser guided missile from a Reaper drone.
Seriously, fuck that kid. I'm going to have kids just to train them to get big and strong and beat that kid's bitch-ass on sight.
And I will feel good about it.

EdFlintstone May 1, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Suck Obamas ass now republicans!!! Woooooooooohooooooooooooooo!

ironhead77 May 1, 2011 at 11:13 pm

YOU BEEN SERVED, TERROR-BOT ! ! !

Negropolis May 1, 2011 at 11:13 pm

Hallelujah! Now, let's use this as the opportunity to get back home. OMG, the possibilities are quite literally endless, now.

Now, neither our government nor any other can hold Bin Laden over our head. If they want to scare us into submission, they are going to have to get more creative now. Back to swine flu/SARs.

FlipOffResearch May 1, 2011 at 11:13 pm

Pakistan??? Ever since Bin Laden made that little campaign speech on the eve of the 2004 elections, I figured he was tending goats in the foothills of Crawford Texas.

anniegetyerfun May 1, 2011 at 11:52 pm

I would never doubt for a second that Osama has a thing for goats.

EdFlintstone May 1, 2011 at 11:13 pm

Wait I thought Obama wouldnt keep us safe, wasn't that the republican talking point in the 2008 campaign?

freddymcmurray May 2, 2011 at 4:57 am

"Cut and run", as I recall.

hollywooddood May 1, 2011 at 11:14 pm

Teabaggers are all over the tubes giving Bush and his codpiece credit for this.

ManchuCandidate May 1, 2011 at 11:27 pm

Haha… especially grand when it was W who let him get away.

chascates May 1, 2011 at 11:15 pm

Is this another thing Trump takes credit for? Why did Obama wait so long to reveal bin Ladin's body? Is it really him? What does it look like in Illustrator?

Gratuitous World May 1, 2011 at 11:16 pm

my 9 year old cousin wants to know, 'who?'

mayor_quimby May 2, 2011 at 12:35 am

The kid is lucky, how awesome is that to not know WTF happened on 9-11 except through wikipedia and the web?

carlgt1 May 1, 2011 at 11:16 pm

the Repug spin on this will be delicious…

CalamityJames May 1, 2011 at 11:16 pm

And the jobs just come pouring in!

DerrickWildcat May 1, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Fuck!
if I were at a bar I'd probably get a free shot!

ShiftyParadigm May 1, 2011 at 11:17 pm

C'mon, enough with the foreplay already. I'm chafing here.

vanishing13 May 1, 2011 at 11:18 pm

This is good news for Barack Obama. like seriously fuck yeah

chascates May 1, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Osama bin Laden was killed by U.S. forces in a mansion outside the Pakistani capital of Islamabad along with other family members, senior U.S. official tells CNN.

JustPixelz May 1, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Can't wait to see the birthers tear apart the "proof" that bin Laden is dead.

mrblifil May 1, 2011 at 11:27 pm

Furnish them with one-way tickets to Islamabad. They'll stipulate the death certificate toute suite.

anniegetyerfun May 1, 2011 at 11:52 pm

were iz teh deaf sertifikut?

Badonkadonkette May 1, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Add this to the list of things GWB was unable to accomplish in eight fucking years.

Negropolis May 1, 2011 at 11:19 pm

Mission Accomplished, bitches! Stick that in your pipe and smoke and then subsequently choke on it, Dubya.

memzilla May 1, 2011 at 11:19 pm

That high-pitched whistling sound is either The Donald's presidential hopes, or the Rethuglican "Dems are weak on defense" meme.

Andrew Drinker May 1, 2011 at 11:19 pm

No snark here, and it may not get the most upfists, but:

Osama bin Laden dead? GOOD. He was an American-murdering no-good motherfucker.

A-Drink OUT! (time for vodka shots!)

Callyson May 1, 2011 at 11:35 pm

You get a huge up-fist from me, and 12 others at this count
:-)

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 12:21 am

and now 29 others.

we aren't actually all snark all the time. just mostly and when we can be most obnoxious.

Mahousu May 1, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Is this why Obama released that "long-form" birth certificate last week? To keep the press distracted while this was going down? Huh, that might even be true.

mayor_quimby May 2, 2011 at 12:39 am

Legen – Dary
"haha, yeah, here's the birth cert, but i have my dick 2 feet deep in Osama's ass, and he's not going to make it to Monday"
Barack Obama

SaintRond May 1, 2011 at 11:20 pm

They killed the family's golden retriever too.

LetUsBray May 1, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Now is not the time for shameless partisanshhhhhhhahahahahahahahaha SUCK IT WINGTARDS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Obama 1
Cowboy Caligula 0

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FlipOffResearch May 1, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Oh, the BrieTards are probably going apoplectic trying to figure out how to prove that this shows that liberals hate America, or Obama is a socialist.

gullywompr May 1, 2011 at 11:23 pm

They are already hatefisting you, but I did what I could to correct it.

EdFlintstone May 1, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Who got fired from celebrity apprentice?…….who gives a fuck Trump.

Negropolis May 1, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Do I get cool points taken away if I tell you I was waiting to see NeNeLeaks choke the shit out of Starr Jones?

JoeBiteme May 1, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Yes. Sorry, but yes.

Barb May 1, 2011 at 11:37 pm

Yes, but Miss Latoya may be back. She looks amazing for a woman in her early 60's. Yeah, I was watching, so sue me.

salt_bagel May 1, 2011 at 11:22 pm

No, Bin Landen wasn't Tim Russert's dad, Yakov Smirnoff was. Or wait, are you saying that Yakov Smirnoff is Bin Landen?

Jukesgrrl May 1, 2011 at 11:59 pm

I don't think "I love this country" and "Death to America" means the same thing.

simplyblue7 May 1, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Does Barry not know we have work tomorrow? I was told 10:30…10:45…10:50…

Jukesgrrl May 1, 2011 at 11:59 pm

He was making sure The Apprentice was totally preempted on the West Coast.

SorosBot May 2, 2011 at 12:09 am

Hopefully most bosses will be understandably tolerant of their office drones showing up hung over.

TsunamiAli May 1, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Is it over already?! Did I miss Bammerz' announcement? Can we leave Afghanistan, now? I have SO MANY QUESTIONS.

I went here http://www.whitehouse.gov/live but there doesn't seem to be nothing on the happity haps.

frostbitefalls May 1, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Luke Russert's dad is Yakov Smirnoff? What?

SayItWithWookies May 1, 2011 at 11:23 pm

So with the bailout in 2008, socialism saved capitalism. Then it saved GM and Chrysler. Then the liberal cleaned up Iraq, paid attention to Afghanistan, stopped the bleeding of unemployment, got healthcare reform passed, and has now killed osama bin laden. Once more, a liberal is cleaning up behind the elephant. Imagine what the liberal could do without the damn elephant to pick up after all the damn time.

Veritas78 May 2, 2011 at 3:43 am

This comment should be the header for Wonkette and, indeed, the entire Internet.

gullywompr May 1, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Hey pathetic d0wnfister, how fucked do you feel right now that you are driven to Wonkette to express your anger at this celebratory event?

vanishing13 May 1, 2011 at 11:25 pm

I think Breitard troll is a radical muslim he just downfisted you.

Callyson May 1, 2011 at 11:30 pm

I take that downfist as a compliment…you know what FDR said about welcoming their hatred
:-)

chascates May 1, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Fuck you downfisters! Is your life so hollow you spend your time on this rather than drinking? May George W. Bush soon join bin Ladin!!!

Negropolis May 1, 2011 at 11:26 pm

Theoppositeofupfisters is really going to town, right now. So, I've given everyone an upfist as quickly as he or she or they have tried to take them away. And, we shall rise up with fists….

BTW, suck on it, Bin Laden, you evil-assed, murderous jackal.

Limeylizzie May 1, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Talk dirty to me Negropolis, it's hawt!

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 12:23 am

ain't no way poor sad troll is going to have any luck tonight.

and i mean that in all ways possible.

natoslug May 2, 2011 at 10:46 am

Are you saying Breitbart trolls support Al Qaeda? Actually, that makes sense . . .

UpFistTroll May 2, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Of course they do! They're all a bunch of seditious, treasonous, un-American fucks!

EdFlintstone May 1, 2011 at 11:27 pm

Somebody needs to start printing this bumper sticker.

Thank me, I voted for Obama.

Moonbat May 2, 2011 at 9:39 am

Fuck and yes.

Limeylizzie May 1, 2011 at 11:27 pm

Apparently they are making phone calls to Congressional leaders ,I bet Boner has a giant pantload.

Jukesgrrl May 2, 2011 at 12:01 am

And he's already plowed through a whole box of Kleenex and a bottle of Johnny Walker.

DangerHelvetica May 2, 2011 at 12:02 am

And a whole can of spray-on tan.

memzilla May 1, 2011 at 11:27 pm

Drudge can't bring himself to use the siren, since this doesn't help the right wing.

bokononista May 1, 2011 at 11:27 pm

Bachmann and company just had their party buzz-killed: They thought Obama, not Osama, had been killed. Party on!

mrblifil May 1, 2011 at 11:28 pm

Futures are up on "accidental" references to Barack Osama.

ManchuCandidate May 1, 2011 at 11:28 pm

So long OBL, you asshole.

anniegetyerfun May 1, 2011 at 11:28 pm

Today, we are all diabetics killed in a CIA raid on a Pakistani suburb.

Wait, fuck that. Just diabetics in a suburb.

mrblifil May 1, 2011 at 11:29 pm

The crazy thing is that they got the Bin-Laden DNA sample out of Rick Santorum's leaking sphincter.

TsunamiAli May 1, 2011 at 11:30 pm

But closure's a bitch for the republitards.

chascates May 1, 2011 at 11:30 pm

CNN's feed seems to be going live.

Callyson May 1, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Also, the perfect toast to our President:
Kool Moe Dee, "How Ya Like Me Now" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRb9PONMeLY

Warpde May 1, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Time for America to go on a week long drinking binge.
You all deserve it.

edit: Looks like Downfister is back. What's he upset about?

Negropolis May 1, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Folks are massing at the north gates of the White House celebrating. Cah-razy night! Chants of USA! USA! ringing out.

Negropolis May 1, 2011 at 11:35 pm

cockles. heart. warming.

Barb May 2, 2011 at 12:04 am

Past midnight there and I am watching the crowd! I'm feeling the warm fuzzy!

chascates May 1, 2011 at 11:32 pm

Kenya! Kenya! Kenya! Kenya!

aguacatero May 1, 2011 at 11:32 pm

How did Trump have time to fly from the WHCA Dinner to Islamabad to carry out this operation?

memzilla May 1, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Area 51 transporter technology.

BklynIlluminati May 1, 2011 at 11:33 pm

The crowd outside the whitehouse is awesome. feel the love America!

squirmisher May 1, 2011 at 11:33 pm

This just goes to show you, if you want something done right go to an undocumented worker.

Naked_Bunny May 1, 2011 at 11:34 pm

So what do the teabaggers think of Obama's death panels now?

anniegetyerfun May 1, 2011 at 11:55 pm

Well, on one hand, a brown guy is dead. On the other hand, he was a diabetic grandfather.

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2011 at 12:01 am

So it's a draw, huh? Dang.

SorosBot May 1, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Yeah, an actual capture and trial would be better; but this is still pretty damn good, it's a big fucking deal.

ManchuCandidate May 1, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Downfister's probably confused. The fat dumb sack of mucus probably expected us to cry over the death of that motherfucker OBL.

imissopus May 1, 2011 at 11:35 pm

All this AND Carl Crawford got the game-winning RBI today. USA! USA!

TsunamiAli May 1, 2011 at 11:35 pm

live shot of the podium at the WH, now… getting there….

undeterredbyreality May 1, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Speaking of the hot FLOTUS, did you see the pix of her at the Correspondent's dinner? She's looking hotter every day!

undeterredbyreality May 1, 2011 at 11:35 pm

He's on!

Naked_Bunny May 1, 2011 at 11:36 pm

How do we know it's Osama bin Laden? Did he have his long-form birth certificate on him?

obfuscator2 May 1, 2011 at 11:36 pm

g.w. bush, chicken hawk cheney, rumsfeld = 0
nigger socialist kenyan muslim president = 1

suck my liberal cock and suck it hard, fuckers.

SorosBot May 1, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Finally speaking, yes!

Also, I'm shocked that BobSalem, di_da and their friends haven't come to troll this thread; they must be crying that Obama was the one who did this and working up their next conspiracy theory right now.

Barb May 1, 2011 at 11:40 pm

The trolls will show and they can downfist until the cows come home. It doesn't change the fact that the 6'9", dialysis needing, monster is dead!

vanishing13 May 1, 2011 at 11:41 pm

they're quietly downfisting as we type. anti-american assholes

Limeylizzie May 1, 2011 at 11:37 pm

God, I just want to fuck Barry's brains out.

Barb May 1, 2011 at 11:50 pm

And I want to watch, hoping that you will invite you sister over to help in any way I can. Think of us as the USO, serving our country.

Limeylizzie May 2, 2011 at 12:01 am

Grease up and come on over baby.

HistoriCat May 2, 2011 at 12:05 am

Ladies, some of us have to go to work tomorrow – we can't be staying up all night imagining that kind of hotness.

So please take notes, pictures, videos … whatever is available.

Barb May 2, 2011 at 12:08 am

I'm there!

Naked_Bunny May 1, 2011 at 11:53 pm

I feel that way often. Just some days it would be more of an angry fuck.

SorosBot May 2, 2011 at 12:07 am

And I've always wanted to do the same with his wife, maybe we should arrange some sort of sex party.

chascates May 1, 2011 at 11:38 pm

SarahPalinUSA Sarah Palin
Thank you, American men and women in uniform. You are America's finest and we are all so proud. Thank you for fighting against terrorism.
5 minutes ago

Negropolis May 1, 2011 at 11:39 pm

She can go to hell with Bin Laden for all I care.

ManchuCandidate May 1, 2011 at 11:41 pm

+1

Negropolis May 1, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Honestly, she's so irrelevant, it's not even funny. And that she can't find the words to say Barry's name tonight is all that I need to know.

EdFlintstone May 1, 2011 at 11:47 pm

+200

SorosBot May 1, 2011 at 11:49 pm

She's less relevant than bin Laden's bullet-ridden corpse.

Naked_Bunny May 1, 2011 at 11:42 pm

So, DADT is repealed, and a few months later bin Laden is dead. Coincidence?

Limeylizzie May 1, 2011 at 11:45 pm

Unleash the Gheys!

Limeylizzie May 1, 2011 at 11:44 pm

That fucking cunt can't even give props to Barry, I hope he has her beheaded.

undeterredbyreality May 1, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Multiple upfists needed.

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 12:40 am

I hope he has her surveyed.

flamingpdog May 2, 2011 at 12:50 am

Behead her? Like that would stop her? http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/story.php

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2011 at 12:43 am

Sarah Palin is like that Rob Schneider "makin' copies" skit. It was kind of amusing at first, but then it just got pounded into the ground.

bokononista May 1, 2011 at 11:40 pm

Oooo, the camera moving in as Obama starts in speaking about the killin' makes this intimate, though stern. Am I entranced?

Limeylizzie May 1, 2011 at 11:40 pm

Jeesus, he was totally involved every step of the way. Fuck you downfisting turd, we won!

undeterredbyreality May 1, 2011 at 11:40 pm

Our long national nightmare is over.

Sorta.

Negropolis May 1, 2011 at 11:41 pm

"Bin Laden was not a Mulim leader, he was a mass murder of Muslims."

Tell 'em, Barry! Tell 'em!

Barb May 1, 2011 at 11:41 pm

Today is the 8th anniversary of W's "Mission Accomplished" declaration. Hey Bush, 2011 is the REAL Mission Accomplished!

frostbitefalls May 1, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Gosh, Barry makes it sound just like a Bruckheimer movie.

FlipOffResearch May 1, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Well that was fun, I was logged in for a while. Fuck intense debate, they are my Bin Laden. Fuck intense debate.

Gratuitous World May 1, 2011 at 11:43 pm

annnnnd mitch daniels, palin, huckabee, huntsman, etc… just decided to sit this one out. they'll see you in 2016.

RadioPretty May 1, 2011 at 11:43 pm

I hope this doesn't cut in on Will and Kate's honeymoon.

Jukesgrrl May 2, 2011 at 12:08 am

They announced earlier today the honeymoon was unexpectedly postponed and he's headed back to work. Maybe all long leaves were canceled? Great Britain has to be worried about retaliatory strikes. And everyone else, too. Although I'm not counting on the TSA to save us.

TsunamiAli May 1, 2011 at 11:45 pm

WOOOOO! USA! USAUSA! WOOOOO~!

RadioPretty May 1, 2011 at 11:45 pm

Show us the body!!1! Hateus Corpus.

chascates May 1, 2011 at 11:46 pm

8th Anniversary of Bush's 'Mission Accomplished' codpiece speech.

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 12:39 am

Holy fuck. Workers of the World, Unite, also too.

SayItWithWookies May 1, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Fuckin'-a. Light one up on the roof of the White House, Mister C-in-C. I feel like we're starting to wake up from a ten-year-long nightmare.

Negropolis May 1, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Let's not get silly, now. Everyone knows that Bin Laden was mostly a boogeyman. No one is under any illusions that this is over. But, symbolic victories are still victories, and this was an important one. If this was really an Emmanuel Goldstein moment, he would have "escaped" again.

Callyson May 1, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Congratulations, Mr President. As your veep would say, this is a big fucking deal…

el_donaldo May 1, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Thanks, Barry, but I was going to vote for you anyway.

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2011 at 12:48 am

Yeah, but this is definitely gonna hurt his popularity among violent, right-wing religious extremists.

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 12:56 am

Sure will. They hate it when the other side sticks their foot in their territory.

Negropolis May 1, 2011 at 11:47 pm

It would have only been better if he was able to throw a mic down at the end.

Citizen Kitteh May 1, 2011 at 11:47 pm

"Holy shit, somebody killed him on the ground? Hero time! Hero hero hero!"
Jason Bourne?

Naked_Bunny May 1, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Probably Vin Diesel.

imissopus May 1, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Matt Damon must have gotten fired up after Barry tweaked him last night. If only Bush could have criticized Ocean's 11, bin Laden would have been dead nine years ago.

pinkocommi May 1, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Hip, hip hurray! Bin Laden is dead! The war on terror is now officially over! Oh, wait… nevermind. He is dead, though.

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2011 at 12:30 am

Yep. He won't be recording any more audio tapes.

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 12:41 am

Really. Does the world need more mix tapes? I do not think it does.

BarackMyWorld May 1, 2011 at 11:49 pm
imissopus May 1, 2011 at 11:49 pm

I do hate these scenes of people outside the White House cheering and jumping around and waving flags. For Chrissakes, we didn't just win the Rose Bowl.

whiskeybaby May 1, 2011 at 11:58 pm

agree strongly

undeterredbyreality May 2, 2011 at 12:06 am

Yes, it's immature and inappropriate and jingoistic. But I don't care. Obama needs some love–let him have it.

imissopus May 2, 2011 at 12:11 am

Meh, he's got the hot hot FLOTUS for that.

EdFlintstone May 1, 2011 at 11:50 pm

I'm sure our conservative friends are shocked that Bin Laden wasn't killed in Iraq.

ManchuCandidate May 1, 2011 at 11:55 pm

Still looking for them WMDs.

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 12:00 am

Where they found him hiding in a hole? Happened a while ago, get with it, libtard.

ManchuCandidate May 1, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Of course, but who was the dumbfuck who let that asshole get away?

W. Enough said.

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2011 at 12:51 am

You can see why they'd prefer to pretend the president is completely uninvolved with these things.

You know, aside from Obama's race.

mrblifil May 1, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Anybody else think it's weird that they kept OBL's body so it could be laid in state in the Capitol Rotunda?

BklynIlluminati May 1, 2011 at 11:51 pm

I want to go into Manhattan right now. Brooklyn any excuse to use fireworks.

Limeylizzie May 2, 2011 at 12:04 am

There is some yelling in the streets here in Harlem, but that could just be a drug deal gone bad

crunk4jesus May 1, 2011 at 11:52 pm

I don't know. Timing seems suspicious, killing him while Obama was president and all.

Barb May 1, 2011 at 11:52 pm

Negropolis for the win!

memzilla May 1, 2011 at 11:52 pm

Allah to OBL: You're Fired!

anniegetyerfun May 1, 2011 at 11:54 pm

I was sort of hoping we would have a chance to drown him in pork sausage and bloody tampons, but maybe that's just me.

obfuscator2 May 1, 2011 at 11:54 pm

millions of corpses, billions of dollars, etc., all to kill a goat herder on kidney dialysis in a cave. i guess it's kind of gratifying, but it's just one more dead brown person to make us feel better. fuck it.

Negropolis May 1, 2011 at 11:56 pm

This killing gives us less excuses and fewer reasons to be over there. For that, I'm thankful. That is what I'm primarily celebrating, and it is for that that I am thankful, tonight.

ManchuCandidate May 1, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Why do you have to inject reality into this celebratory time?!??! Are you some kind of downfister who apparently hates US America??!??!?! Huh??

Of course you're right. And it makes me angrier that the US America military could have nailed this motherfucker at Tora Bora almost 10 years ago if W and his gang of incompetents hadn't had a major hardon for Iraqinam.

obfuscator2 May 2, 2011 at 12:00 am

this is good news… for 2004 john kerry.

GhostBuggy May 2, 2011 at 12:22 am

This is what has been weighing on me tonight. In the name of combating terrorism (not necessarily OBL, but he's certainly the major component in the overall context), we have dropped bombs on children and refer to it as collateral damage. I am haunted by that every time I see a piece of war news, including this one.

That's been labeled as cynicism, but I don't know what else to say. What do you call the only real reason to celebrate in this country being a killing of a terrorist? And, of course, the world will not miss OBL. And the reality is, this was the only justice to come, as it would probably have been near impossible to get his ass anywhere near a court room. I guess what I'm saying is, I absolutely cannot relate to anyone who isn't conflicted about this whole bit of news. Also, that I've quite a bit of vodka already (I mean, this is Wonkette, for God's sake).

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 12:27 am

Twain's "The War Prayer is never inappropriate.

OK, maybe not at weddings and baby showers.

chascates May 1, 2011 at 11:55 pm

Most 'tard comments are that the body has been on ice and Obama will probably not thank GWB as he should.

JoeHoya May 1, 2011 at 11:55 pm

I'm pretty sure John King is drunk right now. Someone from CNN must have pulled him out of a bar.

Gratuitous World May 2, 2011 at 12:18 am

if people drank everytime he reiterated "i want to repeat, bin laden is dead," that lanky Saudi wouldn't be the only cold + stiff body lying around.

Chillwaver May 1, 2011 at 11:56 pm

"MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, MUDDAFUCKAS!!!"

anniegetyerfun May 1, 2011 at 11:56 pm

"I don't like the way he said 'Under God.' I don't think he really meant it, because he is a Muslim and they don't believe in God."

G. Friday May 1, 2011 at 11:56 pm

You know if he said "Sorry, Jesus" a second before he died, he's in Heaven, and there's nothing you can do about it. You're just going to have to stand awkwardly next to him at Heaven parties.

Guppy06 May 1, 2011 at 11:57 pm

Just saw someone waving a Bush/Cheney sign in the White House crowd on CNN.

And am I the only one who thinks it's kinda tasteless to be wildly cheering the death of someone?

Fuck Toad May 1, 2011 at 11:57 pm

No, you aren't.

GeneralLerong May 2, 2011 at 12:10 am

Fuck tasteless. Dude was a mass murderer.

I plan on cheering wildly when Cheney bites it, too.

SorosBot May 2, 2011 at 12:25 am

Normally, yes, but there are a few exceptions. Nixon was one, McVeigh another, and bin Laden big-time.

emmelemm May 2, 2011 at 12:49 am

Ted Bundy. (My mom cheered, anyway.)

mrblifil May 1, 2011 at 11:57 pm

"No Americans were harmed…" Suck on that for a while, Herr Beck.

imissopus May 1, 2011 at 11:57 pm

I kept thinking of the asshole cop yelling "Hey where you think you're going, Shaft?" And Shaft responding "I'm going to get laid!"

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2011 at 12:55 am

They shoulda played that 70's "chicka-wa chicka-wa" music!

Warpde May 1, 2011 at 11:57 pm

The Pres had better call for a National Holiday tomorrow cause nobody in America is going to bed tonight and the ones that do show up to work are going to be pretty damn drunk and tired.

Jukesgrrl May 1, 2011 at 11:57 pm

She's definitely gettin' it two nights in a row.

Steverino247 May 1, 2011 at 11:58 pm

My younger son, who still has a 7.62mm bullet in his head, courtesy of this bastard's activities, was very pleased indeed to learn it was a military operation that put a bullet in Osama's head.

What is not so widely known is the plane that hit the Pentagon hit the Army portion of the building and they kind of take shit like that personally. I'm sure we'll find out eventually who carried out the operation, but my money's on someone wearing US Army on his uniform.

Oh, and fuck you W.

chascates May 2, 2011 at 12:01 am

Our thanks to your son for his service. I hope he sets off every metal detector and tells how it came to be although I'm pretty sure he feels he's not a hero.

But he is.

Steverino247 May 2, 2011 at 12:13 am

He's certainly mine. He's got good days and bad ones, but he's here and Osama bin Laden isn't.

And while I'm sure the incredible people who saved his life (on Army pay) don't see themselves as heroic (or posting on Wonkette anytime soon), the efforts made were worthy of my undying thanks. Because of the Internet, I've had the opportunity to thank them by e-mail or in person. I once told his Army neurosurgeon at Walter Reed/Bethesda ("Joint" applies to medicine, too) that he wasn't being paid enough. His response: "I have other motivations."

mayor_quimby May 2, 2011 at 12:11 am

I just want to add a word from my parent's homeland – RESPECT!

GeneralLerong May 2, 2011 at 12:12 am

Somehow a thumbs up to you and chas seems….pathetically weak.

And fuck Cheney and Rumsfeld, too. If only they'd croak this coming week, we'd have a trifecta of justice.

Pragmatist2 May 2, 2011 at 12:00 am

You know that somewhere in the bowels of that dungheap called the Republican Party, there are people right now insisting that this is not credible unless Obama had driven a stake through Bin Laden's heart in the Oval Office on national TV. They will not be satisfied with the long form Death Certificate.

memzilla May 2, 2011 at 12:01 am

The gun that fired the shot into the Chief Goatfu**er's head has to go to the Smithsonian.

The guy that fired the shot has to get the Medal of Honor.

I want OBL's mass-murderering penis cut off and displayed in the WTC Memorial where people can spit and piss on it.

flamingpdog May 2, 2011 at 1:04 am

I'll buy the magnifying lens for the display.

mayor_quimby May 2, 2011 at 12:01 am

So, The Unit is kind of real, that is awesome. In my mind, The Black President from 24, left office, joined the military, and hunted down OBL and shot him in the fuckin chest.
This goes to prove, if you want somebody shot, hire the Black President (in fiction and real life).

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 12:01 am

If you think we went into Afghanistan and turned it upside down simply to find Bin Laden, you're probably the last rube. I was, still am, and will forever be against nation-building, there. I've been calling forever for us to get out of there, even while some tried to push this as the "right war." Tonight, this allows us a better excuse to get out.

I am not so much celebrating his death – though if someone was a victim of this guy I wouldn't blame them – as I am celebrating the fact that if we play this right, this can be an out for us, out of that hell-hole of a region.

I guess you're the one that's missing the point. If you think you have some blind patriots up in here chanting USA! for no damned reason, you are sadly mistaken.

I am so damned tired of folks that have made cynicism their personal religion.

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2011 at 12:24 am

I am so sorry to interrupt your happy dance by putting it into a little perspective. I will delete it immediately so it does not continue to offend your delicate eyes. Please enjoy your symbolic victory.

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 12:30 am

No, you're deleting the comment because you're a coward. If you believe in what you wrote, own it. You don't need to worry about my eyes; they are far from delicate. You are still trying to gloss over the reasons I gave for why someone may feel like celebrating, but I really couldn't care less.

SorosBot May 2, 2011 at 12:01 am

And now the switch to the local news; I bet they'll find some way to give a local angle on Osama's death (and that applies to all of your local news too).

SorosBot May 2, 2011 at 12:04 am

..and it's coverage of the reaction of the Phillies' crowd when the Jumbo-tron announced the death; that didn't take long.

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 12:27 am

Learn how a local man whose parents are from Pakistan, THE VERY COUNTRY IN WHICH OSAMA BIN LADEN WAS FOUND AND KILLED, feels about this major event. Also, about football, as he is a teenager who plays on his high school football team.

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 1:24 am

Osama bin Laden is dead. And something in YOUR OWN KITCHEN could KILL YOUR CHILDREN! Find out what it is, tonight at 10!

predilectrix May 2, 2011 at 1:47 am

So, speaking of the arid, inhospitable conditions in which bin Laden lived, what's the 3-day forecast look like?

chascates May 2, 2011 at 12:03 am

From Dr. Orly Taitz, Esquire:
There were rumours that U.S. has the body of Osama Bin Ladin for quite some time and will wheel it out, when a perfect diversion, perfect crisis is needed. Our court hearing is scheduled to start in just a few hours. Major networks are supposed to be there with cameras rolling. Suddenly, Obama announces that the body of Osama Bin Ladin is found and we need to prepare for a possible terrorist act. Perfect timing!

ManchuCandidate May 2, 2011 at 12:07 am

Can't really let him have anything can they?

Jukesgrrl May 2, 2011 at 12:13 am

I know, he's had the body all weekend, but he was just waiting for The Apprentice to come on.

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 12:32 am

Oh, shit…and I just typed that 3 minutes ago as a joke….

memzilla May 2, 2011 at 12:34 am

I don't have time to do it but it would a picture of this woman with caption "SHAMEZ? I HAZ NONE!"

whiskeybaby May 2, 2011 at 12:03 am

The worst part of this is that it seems to have revived the phrase "war on terror." Stop saying it, CBS! Jesus, we'd all forgotten about that war.

Guppy06 May 2, 2011 at 12:03 am

Was he killed by an Hispanic, openly-serving gay homosexual?

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 12:05 am

We can only hope so.

mayor_quimby May 2, 2011 at 12:07 am

Who converted to Islam while on active duty. And was an anchor baby who earned HER citizenship while serving.
Fuckin Winnage!
Time to go shoot my guns in the air, like I just don't care.

FlownOver May 2, 2011 at 12:03 am

Bullets? So… we must be saving all those lightly salted poison rat dicks for somebody else, eh?

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 12:35 am

Trump can eat 'em all.

obfuscator2 May 2, 2011 at 12:04 am

WAIT, HE'S STILL BLACK. STOP LIKING HIM.

Barb May 2, 2011 at 12:10 am

He's now "one of the GOOD ones"

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 12:04 am

Yeah, nice take-away. Really, GTFO.

donner_froh May 2, 2011 at 12:05 am

Trump is shooting a video right now demanding to see Osama bin Laden's death certificate. Except he will say "Obama bin Laden".

mayor_quimby May 2, 2011 at 12:05 am

2012 Campaign slogan: Who's got two thumbs and killed Bin Laden…?

DangerHelvetica May 2, 2011 at 12:06 am

Holy shit.

Limeylizzie May 2, 2011 at 12:06 am

I was in NYC , I watched the whole thing from Brooklyn Heights.

mrblifil May 2, 2011 at 12:08 am

I was in Park Slop on my rooftop watching the aftermath of the second tower collapse. Right behind Limeylizzie…as it were…

chascates May 2, 2011 at 12:06 am

The Presidential Daily Briefing of August 6, 2001, "Bin Ladin Determined to Attack in US," contained the following text: "FBI information indicates patterns of suspicious activity in this country consistent with preparations for hijackings or other types of attacks, including recent surveillance of buildings in New York." [See it @ http://www.9-11commission.gov/report/911Report.pd... - PG 260]

donner_froh May 2, 2011 at 12:08 am

And in local news…Osama bin Laden reported killed in Pakistan, no residents of this city injured.

obfuscator2 May 2, 2011 at 12:08 am

april 2015: the white house releases the long form death certificate.

undeterredbyreality May 2, 2011 at 12:09 am

Quoted and sent to all my friends. The perfect sum-up.

Pragmatist2 May 2, 2011 at 12:09 am

Killing Osama Bin Laden and preempting Donald Trump's show in one evening????
Was this a pilot for a spinoff "24: With a Black Guy"???

Jukesgrrl May 2, 2011 at 12:10 am

Yeah … "I gave the order." But, imagine, he was able to say that without costumes or props.

BklynIlluminati May 2, 2011 at 12:11 am

I was late for work, which is on Wall Street, drinking and hanging out watching football the night before saved me from ever even getting on the train that morning.

donner_froh May 2, 2011 at 12:11 am

While chuckling at Seth Meyers and prodding Donald Trump last night, Obama must have been thinking "You think this is fun–tomorrow is going to really fuck you up".

ManchuCandidate May 2, 2011 at 12:13 am

Makes his cracks about The Donald more epic.

Firing Gary Busey vs Authorizing the Death of OBL.

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 12:12 am

"Hey Obama definitely plagiarized that “indivisible, America, under God” stuff. Not sure where from, but we think we’ve heard it before."

Chuck Norris, duh.

ChuckieJesus May 2, 2011 at 12:13 am

OK, now that we've beat the level boss, can we shut the game off?

Barb May 2, 2011 at 12:13 am

Would you want to be someone who has to face Barry in the debates? Palin can't recycle her:
"I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a ‘community organizer,’ except that you have actual responsibilities."

obfuscator2 May 2, 2011 at 12:13 am

blah blah blah let's just keep murdering the brown people because it makes us feel better.

Gratuitous World May 2, 2011 at 12:14 am

it's no coincidence Die Hard has been all over basic cable recently. john mcclane is real and gets shit done.

FlownOver May 2, 2011 at 12:14 am

Andy Card on MSNBC: "Bush deserves a lot of credit."

Bring out those rat dicks.

chascates May 2, 2011 at 12:16 am

"Deserves a lot of credit" for allowing Bin Laden to escape in the first place.

Jukesgrrl May 2, 2011 at 12:14 am

Can I haz a bottle of water on the airplane now?

chascates May 2, 2011 at 12:14 am

Former President George W. Bush, who was in office at the time of the Sept. 11 attacks and famously said he wanted Osama bin Laden dead or alive, said on Sunday the death of the al Qaeda leader was a "momentous achievement."

"The fight against terror goes on, but tonight America has sent an unmistakable message: No matter how long it takes, justice will be done," Bush said in a statement.

Gratuitous World May 2, 2011 at 12:16 am

i can't believe he was still awake.

chascates May 2, 2011 at 12:19 am

You can be sure it was him due to the use of his catchphrase "war against terror.' Now he'll go back to bed and dream of leading the cavalry to save the fort from the brownz.

PuckStopsHere May 2, 2011 at 12:14 am

I wonder how bin laden and Ronnie Reagan are liking Hell.

snoopyfan2010 May 2, 2011 at 12:15 am

So this is what "mission complete" feels like.

BklynIlluminati May 2, 2011 at 12:15 am

Who has a giant pimphand? Barry that's who. Trump got the taste knocked out of his mouth with it and now OBL got it any one else want to pipe up?

problemwithcaring May 2, 2011 at 12:17 am

Damn, and this is just the guy's first term. Overachiever.

memzilla May 2, 2011 at 12:17 am

I was standing on 17th St and 6th Ave watching the North Tower fall, http://bit.ly/kSpTAB, killing two people I knew. My GF called me from work next door on Vesey St teling me her a**hole boss wouldn't give her permission to leave. I told her to leave. She came home, we watched TV, had war sex, then went out and tried to donate blood, but there were literally hundreds of people lined up to donate at all the hospitals.

It was pathetic to see the dozens of doctors and nurses standing in the sun at St. Vincents, waiting for the hundreds of injured people. There weren't any. They were all blown to atoms.

Later we walked downtown because we heard that they needed volunteers to sort through the rubble, but the cops wouldn't let us past Greenwich St. We saw 7 World Trade come down and they told us to leave.

The two worst things of the aftermath were the thousands of "Have You Seen" posters taped everywhere. Pictures of people taken at their happiest times, weddings, bar mitzvahs, parties, graduations, their faces always smiling, and now gone. Just gone.

The second worst thing was the smell that lingered for weeks. I can only describe it as a mix of the Devil's piss on a hot iron grate, sulphur, and barbecued meat.

Right now New York is celebrating this bastard's death. Firefighters are marching down to The Pit. Police are on higher alert for retaliatory attacks. And there might be some. And we'll hunt their worthless murdering asses down too.

Barb May 2, 2011 at 12:34 am

Memzilla, I was out with my daughter and purchased a $1.00 scratch off lottery ticket. I sat at my desk and saw that I didn't win. I leaned back in my chair to toss the ticket and noticed the "second chance" box and if it had an "eight" I would win $8,000.00. I about shit when I saw it. I called Chrissy down and made her go to the Lottery office with me and claim the prize. Her income tax burden would be less than mine. I gave her a thousand dollars for herself and I donated the rest of it to the firefighters in NY.

Then the hockey season started. I sent in a postcard to the Philly Flyers for the "McDonald's Powerplay" They had that jerk Jeremy Roenick on the team at that time. I was stunned when my name was drawn and if, I won, I would get the cash. Jeremy scored a goal quickly and I got the cash. I kept the coupon for the free Big Mac meal and donated the money to the firefighters. I sent Jeremy a thank-you note and he kept sending me autographed gear to sell and donate more $$. Many people don't like him. He came through for me and I love him.

HistoriCat May 2, 2011 at 12:17 am

David Gergen was on CNN basically saying that all the credit for this should go to W.

Fuck David Gergen.

BBC coverage is much better.

BarackMyWorld May 2, 2011 at 12:22 am

And yet Reagan deserves credit for the Soviet Union collapsing even though it happened after 40 years of U.S. effort and they actually did it to themselves.

ChuckieJesus May 2, 2011 at 12:20 am

I had the day off, couldn't sleep, turned on the television, thought I was watching some weird ass Bruckheimer movie, except it was on every channel.

Hah, if you'd have told me back then that in ten years I wouldn't even own a television, I'd have said you were on crack.

BklynIlluminati May 2, 2011 at 12:20 am

I know its a huge security risk, but how cool would it be if POTUS went out to the crowd at the White House? They would go nuts!

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 12:27 am

This crowd seems to be a bunch of gen-Y dipshits more interested in filming themselves being in a crowd than anything else.

GeneralLerong May 2, 2011 at 12:20 am

Hey, Gergen, if you think Dubya deserves credit for this, is he gonna own the US economic crash as well?

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 12:21 am

OMG, Pete King just released a statement and they read it out loud. Pete King. Why on Earth would you read anything he says out loud?

donner_froh May 2, 2011 at 12:21 am

Dear Republican Apologists and Lackeys:

If GWB is so responsible for killing Bin Laden then why the fuck didn't he do it while he was still President and Commander in Chief?

Fuck you very much, fascist scum.

Signed,

A true friend.

mrblifil May 2, 2011 at 12:23 am

Moreover, if Bush is responsible for "laying the groundwork" can we blame him for the DEFICIT? kthxbai

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2011 at 7:36 am

They make it sound like the US didn't have an international espionage network before 9/11/01. And I don't see how firing a lot of gay translators helped find OBL.

SayItWithWookies May 2, 2011 at 12:22 am

Hey, it just occurred to me that this is probably the first time in recorded history that millions of people have celebrated a Nobel Peace Prize laureate killing someone. Interesting times.

obfuscator2 May 2, 2011 at 12:26 am

really though….
fuck that guy.

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 12:31 am

THAT JUST PROVES THAT HE DIDN'T DESERVE THE AWARD BECAUSE HE HADN'T DONE ANYTHING AND NOW HE IS A MURDERER.

not that Dewey May 2, 2011 at 4:07 am

Unless you include Kissinger, but the sequence of events may be slightly off. Or maybe not.

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2011 at 7:38 am

There's probably a "terrorism" exemption, just like in the Constitution.

emmelemm May 2, 2011 at 12:24 am

Me too. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I. DON'T. CARE.

BarackMyWorld May 2, 2011 at 12:25 am
BarackMyWorld May 2, 2011 at 12:27 am

Republicans: Financial collapse while Bush was president because of Democrats. Bin Laden killed while a Democrat is president, Bush gets credit.

donner_froh May 2, 2011 at 12:28 am

I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Mark Twain

MistaEko May 2, 2011 at 12:30 am

This is good news for John McCain.

In that 2012 will make his 2008 campaign look close by comparison.

flamingpdog May 2, 2011 at 12:30 am

And what exactly is wrong with tomorrow morning?

MistaEko May 2, 2011 at 12:32 am

Is he black enough for you now, America?

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 1:17 am

Prolly not.

AJW@[redacted] May 2, 2011 at 1:54 am

Urban thug, yo.

BZ1 May 2, 2011 at 12:33 am

10 years after Tora Bora, and continuous duplicity by the Pakistan Secret Service, he was there all along…

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 12:33 am

ok so:

1. health care
2. financial regulation
3. stimulus bill (every credible economist says saved the economy)
4. 9/11 responders bill
5. repeal of DADT
6. other things i have forgotten
7. osama bin laden

i know many of us have issues with barry over many many things but i actually think he's going down in history as one of our most effective – if not best (for you, pet troll) – presidents.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 12:33 am

Haha, they're really annoying me as well. Glad it's not just me.

"Like, I am so going to post this video on my facebook page tomorrow! Awesome!"

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2011 at 12:34 am

Ahmadinejad just can't replace bin Laden. Mostly because he's so hard to spell.

imissopus May 2, 2011 at 12:34 am

I don't disagree with your points. The jingoism just makes me uncomfortable. And I remember how pissed off many of us got when we saw video of Muslims dancing in the streets after the 9/11 attacks, so one wonders how this will play in that part of the world. I'm happy we got the guy, but this shit just goes on and on.

chascates May 2, 2011 at 12:35 am

From the Washington Examiner:
There will also be a lot of debate over who deserves credit and how this helps Obama politically. Clearly, this will bolster Americans’ perception of Obama’s handling of national security. Killing bin Laden is an antidote to the portrayal of him as a modern Jimmy Carter, who famously had to abort a mission to rescue American hostages in Iran when aircraft got caught in a sand storm.

It was actually mission commander Col. Charles Beckwith who aborted the mission after a helo crashed into a transport plane on the secret refueling staging area in Iran. He was right to do so as the number of copters were then at a point that any other trouble, always to be expected in an operation like this, would not be sufficient to be successful.

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 1:12 am

I always said that were it not for a sandstorm in the desert, Carter probably would have been reelected.

Jukesgrrl May 2, 2011 at 2:18 am

Oh, I always thought it was the lusting in his heart and the killer rabbit. Personally, I never held either of them against Jimmy. And lately I love Jimmy for how he constantly tells people that the elections he observes on behalf of the UN in third world nations are often safer and more accurate than our own (esp. the ones in Wisconsin).

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 12:37 am

Bryan Fissure will no doubt announce that Jesus would have preferred more civilian casualties.

fuflans May 2, 2011 at 12:38 am

royal wedding and enemy number one death in the same weekend.

too much people. too much.

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 1:08 am

Now, if we could just send a Predator drone after the Royal family…

Rarian Rakista May 2, 2011 at 5:18 am

Royals can only be killed with a beheading, what we need is a laser guillotine.

Zombie_Reagan May 2, 2011 at 12:38 am

I would give every penny I have to watch Barry unfurl a "Mission Accomplished" banner and strut around in a flight suit.

Fukui_sanYesOta May 2, 2011 at 12:44 am

I'll pitch in my car if he smokes a joint while he does it.

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2011 at 12:39 am

Well, why not? I've certainly heard the right-wing mouth breathers blame Clinton personally not killing bin Laden back in the 90s.

MistaEko May 2, 2011 at 12:45 am

-Birth Certificate
-Outstanding comic delivery at Press Corps Dinner
-Biggie and Tupac reference
-OBL dead

I'd watch out if I were a Republican in Congress because this has Michael Corleone takeover written all over it.

DangerHelvetica May 2, 2011 at 10:43 am

I hope Biden doesn't get taken out in a dinghy, I kinda like the guy.

donner_froh May 2, 2011 at 12:52 am

Sorry about this, citizens of Abbotabad but Geraldo Rivera is on his way there now. It's gonna be tough but that's what you get for harboring OBL.

Laughitoff22 May 2, 2011 at 1:23 am

I bet Michelle even let him have a big piece of chocolate cake with ice cream tonight… and as I typed that, realized that could be interpreted as an innuendo. Do with it as you will.

Fare la Volpe May 2, 2011 at 3:07 am

You know Michelle broke out the whip cream and handcuffs. Tonight's a special night.

mayor_quimby May 2, 2011 at 7:51 am

I told my special friend that the whole country should abstain for 24 hours so that the only man in America getting sex was Pres O. (Love tha avatar)

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 1:26 am

This is good news for Rowan Atkinson

Ms Whatever May 2, 2011 at 2:24 am

I had just moved to Albuquerque from Chicago (stupid impulse) and heard the news on morning teevee – I couldn't process it at first, thinking, waitaminute, do planes sometimes crash into skyscrapers and I hadn't paid attention before? I heard that a plane was supposed to fly into the Sears Tower in downtown Chicago. My oldest daughter worked at a Starbucks there. Thank the goddess nothing happened in Chicago. Then Albuquerque freaked out, thinking THEY were next. I was like, wait what? This is a hick rural state. Someone pointed out the defense and nuclear research being done there. Still.

not that Dewey May 2, 2011 at 3:51 am

That's nuts. I had just moved to Albuquerque from Brooklyn (having grown up in the Chicago suburbs and lived in the city for a while). I phoned in sick to my terrible job producing teevee ads for car dealers (they didn't want me back,after that). We sat in sad silence for several hours and then called some friends in NY.

Fare la Volpe May 2, 2011 at 3:03 am

I know I'm quite the youngling, but hear me out. I was back in old Chattanooga, TN, and was sitting in my 8th grade English class — that day was all about pronouns. Suddenly my professor got a call on his phone, and told us all there had been an attack and we needed to go straight to the chapel. Once there the chaplain told everyone that if they needed to make a phone call to check in with loved ones they could go outside. I was too shocked to move my feet and just sort of hovered in place while the words of our headmaster washed over me. I say "hovered" because that's what it was like. I can't even remember if there was a floor beneath me.

My adviser took all of her students into the dance department's costume room, and immediately started serving us snacks to calm us down. I can still vividly remember watching the news footage of the attack happening on her tiny little black-and-white portable TV. We may have seen the second plane hit in real time; I can't remember. Time blurred together that day.

I asked to be excused and threw up in a bush outside. Too repulsed by the smell to stay put, I just started walking, not really paying attention to people frantically running in and out of buildings. Looking back, I realize I didn't have the emotional capacity to process what was happening, and my only response was to hide inside my own head. What else could I do, really?

Somewhere along the way, I remembered that my father's cousin worked in the Pentagon, and I suddenly became hysterical. I knew he didn't work in the part that had been hit; I knew that. Hell, I had only even met the guy once, but the thought that anyone in my life could have been affected by this made me lose all control. I called my mother to confirm he was alright. He was fine, she assured me, but my mother — goddess that she is — was unfazed by my frantic questioning. She knew this was how I acted in the face of new, terrifying information. She remained completely calm because she didn't care about anything at that moment. All she wanted to know was that I was alright. We stayed on the phone until I calmed down and she asked if I wanted to come home. I said yes.

Some time later that day — might have been 30 minutes, might have been 5 hours — I was sitting in her car on the long trek back to our house. She reached out a hand and rubbed my shoulder. That's the last I remember of that day.

flamingpdog May 2, 2011 at 3:08 am

How long before Chuck Norris takes credit for the takedown of Osama and posts parts of Obama's announcement up on his web site as his own thoughts?

Negropolis May 2, 2011 at 4:50 am

I was a junior in high school sitting through English class, and the day was just as clear and sunny as it was in New York that day (that's what I remember most) when another teacher came in and talked to our English teacher. At first it was just a quiet rumor, but then I saw my brother (two grades below me), run in and say something, but eventually the television was turned on to confirm it.

We just sat and watched for quite some time. I fully expected the towers to burn, but never in a thousand years did I expect either of them to fall. I remember someone saying that one of the towers had fallen, and I told them it was impossible, and then I heard them say the same thing on the television and still couldn't belief it. There was so much smoke I simply thought they had caught a bad angle of the site and it just looked like the tower was gone. After that, I just started feeling ill because it became more apparent that the other one was going to fall, too.

The lone local skyscraper in my small city was evacuated, and all the teachers were just at a total loss as to what to do. All I remember from then on after the Pentagon was hit and the Pennsylvania crash was total confusion for the rest of the day.

J Rbt. Oppenheiner May 2, 2011 at 5:45 am

Good morning errybody! What's occurring?? OH SHIT.

I'm a little embarrassed too say that the first stop I make after hearing any breaking news is Wonkette.

mayor_quimby May 2, 2011 at 7:49 am

Dude, I came here first and cursed the fact that a liveblog took 30 mins to go up.
You are not alone.

SonofSpermcube May 2, 2011 at 6:33 am

Whew, glad that's over! Now our boys can pack up and go home! Mission accomplished!

Terry May 2, 2011 at 7:58 am

"Is there any way we can make George W. Bush president again for the next 20 minutes? That guy is going to be really sad he doesn’t get to make this speech."

To hell with George W. Bush and his goat roper bravado.

DahBoner May 2, 2011 at 10:56 am

Bush didn't do diddle-squat.

Obama killed Binding Laden with his bare heads.

Don't mess with this bad ass mofo, ya bunch of GOP pussies!

# THE ADULTS ARE IN CHARGE NOW

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2011 at 12:11 am

No, that part is pure stupidity.

predilectrix May 2, 2011 at 12:22 am

The "Highway to Heaven" Landen? "Confrim"-ing is hard!

Doktor Zoom May 2, 2011 at 1:06 am

That's gonna be on pay-per-view, innit?

Dashboard_Jesus May 2, 2011 at 2:49 am

can't wait to see that, rapidly upfisting NOW!

Barb May 2, 2011 at 1:11 am

In our festive mood, it's probably going to be free.

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