takes a eugenics expert to know one

Santorum: Planned Parenthood In Poor Areas? It Likes Killing Minorities

Just look at those chyrons: he was in office a million years ago.Rick Santorum needs some attention! Say something ridiculous and offensive, Rick! “Well, look at — and I know they dispute this — certainly a lot of evidence that the location of their clinics happen to be in places, historically places, where there are high concentrations of minorities, for example.” Sure, that will work! Just say pretty much anything crazy about Planned Parenthood to reporters and it will become a thing. “Planned Parenthood likes to test women for HIV so their friends the space aliens from the sky know which women will taste better when they fly down to eat humans,” he could have said. But then again, implying racist blood thirst is more fun.

The placement of clinics and the targeted advertising may be a vestige of what Santorum called Planned Parenthood’s “horrific origins,” but he said much of the “poisonous” nature of the organization has remained even as it has claimed to, he said, “transform over time.”

The real crime here is that nobody takes the fetus home and poses for photos with it when it dies.

Has Rick Santorum ever been to “historically places” with “high concentrations of minorities”? No. But he knows what goes on there, in his heart, because he loves babies. And that is why he’s running to be president of abortion. [TPM]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef
What Others Are Reading

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • angryclownspawn

    Also a crime when they refuse to put the fetus in a jar. Shame on you Planned Parenthood! Implying you help all those low income women in downtrodden neighborhoods and then not even putting their fetuses in jars or sending them home with photographers!

    • emmelemm

      It puts the fetus in the jar or else it gets the hose again.

    • Omophagist

      All this fetus talk is making me hungry.

  • Zombie_Reagan

    Santorum is a frothy asshole.

    • gef05

      Oh please. That's an insult to frothy etc etc.

  • memzilla

    I like the guy on stage left giving Santorum the single digit salute. Picture, thousand words, etc.

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      That's his son. Joke not even required.

    • fuflans

      isn't that his kid?

      • jaytingle

        "Isn't that his kid?"
        As far as Rick knows. It's a hazard of refusing to use birth control.

    • ttommyunger

      That is his unfortunate son indicating silently "I am so fucked".

    • zhubajie

      Isn't that one of his kids?

  • JoshuaNorton

    Geez, Gooper sure seem interested in what goes on in other peoples underpants. Is it voyeurism or envy?

    • tessiee

      Yes.

  • lefty74

    Send in the clowns. How can you be Pro Life and Pro Death penalty shit bird?

    • Duly_Noted

      The cognitive dissonance necessary to be part of the GOP.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Hey, Pro-Life only applies to the womb. After birth, it's open season!

      • DustBowlBlues

        Not even in the womb. What else could explain the Republithug opposition to WIC?

        Ugh, not snarky. Trucknutz.

    • LowProfileinGA

      Needz less logics.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The people they execute on Death Row come from historically places where there are lots of minorities. So it all evens out.

    • DemmeFatale

      At least the Catholic "culture of life" crap is consistent. They are anti- war, death penalty, abortion, etc.

      Wrong, but less hypocritical.

    • MrFizzy

      Or pro life and pro gun.

  • genxr

    Dude. I think Harry Potter is flipping us off!

    • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

      You mean McLovin?

      • genxr

        Pennsylvania voters just cock-blocked McLovin!

    • http://kittenbomb.wordpress.com kittenbomb

      Harry's all, "This new Dumbledore is fucking lame!"

  • baconzgood

    “Well, look at — and I know they dispute this — certainly a lot of evidence that the location of their clinics happen to be in places, historically places, where there are high concentrations of minorities, for example.”

    And as someone from PA I guarantee Ricky won't let anyone else muscle in on his racism.

    P.S. FUCK YOU RICK.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Well, do you think better neighborhoods and real estate moguls are going to be allowing variances for PP in their neighborhood? Curious (lack of) development.

  • Sue4466

    This all makes sense given Santorum's and the GOP's demonstrated commitment to improving the lives of minorities, the disenfranchised, and the poor.

    • memzilla

      Yes, Santorum for Preznit of Bizarro Universe!

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      Death brings us all closer to Cheezus. When you look at it that way, their commitment to wanting us to fuck off an die already is really touching.

      • OhNoGuy

        Hey!! At least he didn't play the race card. Not our Rick. Because the loves "the BLACKS". You know, THE BLACKS that he loves so much.<puke>

  • timbo71351

    Fuck that asshole with a 14 inch dildo. He's got about as much chance of getting the Republican presidential nomination as I do. Dunno why he's doing this, other than he would rather run around the country spending the money dumb old people and the American Taliban give him instead of going and getting a real job

    • ingloriousbytch

      A 14 inch BLACK dildo. Ricky's all about the coloreds now.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Is it 'cause The Donald is getting all the attention? Repubes seem to be in a "can you top this?" crazy talk contest.

      • trondant

        When are they not – it's their raisin duh etruh.

  • edgydrifter

    "Abrbeit Macht Frei" = "Free Abortions Here"
    It all makes sense now.

  • metamarcisf

    Because minorities are poor and they need assistance for family planning unlike the rich white bitch whores who stand underneath the podium and suck his dick while he delivers yet another pathetic speech. Fecal matter? I'LL show you fecal matter!

  • hollywooddood

    Maybe when Santorum becomes President, he can get minorities to stop having sex altogether.

    • Ducksworthy

      Or to do it "his way" which does not entail birth control or abortions if you get my drift. Just lots of lube.

  • Karma_Suture

    Hey…
    TOT…. where is or what happened to Neilist? I miss that sucker.

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      He posted some stuff a while back (after one of our weekly National Shooting of the Innocents?) that a few people overreacted to or misconstrued. In response, he went off the deep end, imploded, and stormed off in a snit. He may have come back under the guise of a really pathetic Eleanor Roosevelt, then slowly faded away after it became obvious the bit was unfunny to the extreme.

      Snitstorms are the worst, aren't they?

      • Tundra Grifter

        natoslug: He stormed off in a snit? Is that cheaper than a Prius?

        • Thurman Munster IV

          no, it's what happens to the olds: a sneeze and shit at the same time

          • undeterredbyreality

            Man, I hate when that happens.

        • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

          Probably, but they make the Yugo look like a quality ride and a Hummer fuel efficient. Even uglier than a Daewoo Eeuh.

          • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

            Well wouldya look at that?- downfisty troll is defending the Yugo. Or maybe it hates bad diarrhea puns.

            Fuck you Spanky, fuck you with Santorum's santorum-encrusted shriveled limp cock.

        • tessiee

          Yes, but more expensive than a huff, and about the same as a tizzy.

          • user-of-owls

            Though I dare say quite cheaper than the classic European Tumults, Flutters and especially Brou-Ha-Ha's.

      • Karma_Suture

        That's too bad….

        The boy had talent……

        • user-of-owls

          The boy had no such thing. He was an unfunny odious bore. I miss lanced boils more than I miss that poopyhead.

          • AngryGeometer

            That's all true, but it's also true what Reggie Jackson said: they don't boo nobodies…

            It's funny he went out like that here, though. Wonkette is pretty much the only blog I haven't left in a snitstorm… I just don't know how to ragequit you, Wonkette!

          • Karma_Suture

            Well……..

            There is that.

          • OhNoGuy

            I must confess, the gun fetishism had it's moments. At least it was fact based, And I think we can stand to have our assumptions challenged. He was not an idiot like so many of the passing trolls. Gave as good as he got and (I didn't see the thread that caused him to leave). I was always happy to see him, agreed or not. And I like sick humor.

          • ShaveTheWhales

            With sincere respect to you, owls, I have to express a different opinion.

            Neilist was — probably — as much of an asshole as he claimed to be, but he was also very quick-witted and frequently quite clever. And he was also (IMO) a useful leavening in the generally hippie-pinko-commie-socialist-treehugging yeasty mass of Wonkette.

            (BTW, I have trouble believing that fake-Eleanor is the same person, because the comments suck).

            Neilist went away because it turned out that the average Wonketeer's opinion of acceptable snark targets stops short of personally identifiable nine-year-old shooting victims; and rather than acknowledging that restriction, he chose to bail out.

            I'm a relatively recent Wonker. Much of the appeal of this site is the general erudition of both posters and commenters. Another attraction is the idea that everyone is fair game. I don't have a problem with placing some restrictions on "everyone", but it would be reasonable to make those restrictions known ahead of time. And please don't invoke "common sense", because there is no such thing.

          • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

            Has it really only been since the Tucson shootings that he left? Or was it the poor family murdered by the Minutemen shitstains? I lose track of the days sometimes. Much easier to measure in national shooting incidents (or NRA Units, if you prefer). Speaking of people leaving, I haven't seen ShortsX3 on here in ages. I may start counting as an old-timer soon . . .

          • LionHeartSoyDog

            The gloating over the murder of a nine year old girl was the limit.
            Good riddance.

          • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

            I think that was when he started losing it. And yes, that was definitely over the limit.

          • SorosBot

            It was the aftermath of Tuscon shootings. However, even what Neilist said was not as tasteless as using a photo of the exploding World Trade Center buildings as an avatar.

          • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

            I didn't use it as an avatar, but I did use it to make a fake Garmin GPS ad a week or so after 9/11. I (at least I hope I did) took it off my web site 5 or 6 years ago when I realized that maybe some people don't work through tragedies/fucked up shit in quite the way I do. That, and in retrospect, I realized it was really really really crass rather than darkly amusing and cathartic.

          • comrad_darkness

            I miss his detailed level of off the deep end. But you know, if my opinion meant bupkis I wouldn't be on Wonkette.

          • http://kittenbomb.wordpress.com kittenbomb

            Lanced Boils? Whatever happened to that guy? Porn industry hasn't been the same since he retired.

          • user-of-owls

            Oh, he's actually doing quite well for himself these days. As you may know, he married our dear chippy Fare la Volpe, settled down and had four children. All of which is good and wholesome of course, but they turned some heads when they named them Famine, War, Pestilence and Tinkerbell. I mean really, Tinkerbell?

        • zhubajie

          Talent at what?

      • RavenRant

        You're like Wonkette's own Bede the Venerable.

        • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

          So, a guttermind for pointless details? Poor Bede is probably rolling over in his grave.

          • RavenRant

            I disagree. The Rise and Fall of the Wonkettish Empire will be required reading generations hence.

            Also, I have to agree with owls – Neilist was mostly a douche, and a one-trick pony with his gun schtick.

            Compared to the current crop of trolls, however, a mental giant.

          • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

            His gun schtick was more of a double-sided dildo (hey, only one end has to go in the pony. Where'd he put the other end?): He also had his Kipling quotes.

            So, in honour of Neilist, and in reflection of the attitudes and intelligence of our trolls and what it portends if they are the future of our nation, I present a splattering of Kipling.

            "A people always ends by resembling its shadow. "

          • RavenRant

            Too appropriate quote.

            But stop with the pony sex-talk. You'll bring the trolls back, fapping.

          • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

            Too late. I've been avoiding work a bit today, watching them do the downfist-jerk to everything I upchuck to the Wonkette box. Their splooge is all over my posts today. I think they REALLY didn't like me taking sides in the youporn vs. xtube debate.

          • RavenRant

            I missed that. Was it recent?

          • Warpde

            Splooge is never good for the keyboard. Makes the keys stick.
            xnxx rules!

          • http://www.wonkette.com Pres[ $ rm -r * ]

            I, for one, prefer TrannyTube.

    • Negropolis

      Neilist was stupid enough to be banned from Wonkette, or smart enough to finally find out how to be banned. Either way, I don't miss him one bit. It takes a helluva lot of crap to get you banned from this free-wheeling place. Given that, he deserved the banning and then some. When you work that hard, you get what you wish for. He went from being a barely-tolerable dick to an insufferable dick.

      • Karma_Suture

        wowser…..I must have missed a whole hell of a lot….

        I will never mention He Who Must Not Be Named again.

        • Doktor Zoom

          Oh, he didn't rise to the level of Unspeakability, except of course on the day of the Giffords shooting, when he crossed the line from mere gun-love to actively mocking the victims. It was a pretty impressive sustained, multi-post outburst that appeared to evince a minor psychotic break in progress. Odd guy, that one.

          • Karma_Suture

            Hey… anyone have a good link to:
            The best way to wipe off the shit you inadvertently stepped in?
            Must watch where I am stepping next time..hahahha…

            To be honest… I only saw a couple of his posts….. thanks for the update….

      • SorosBot

        He actually wasn't banned, but deleted his own account after people went after him for his tasteless "jokes" about the shooting victims; if you go back to his old posts, his username is now Deleted###s; it was like an IntenseDebate version of suicide..

    • DashboardBuddha

      "I miss that sucker."

      Probably because you're not as accurate a pistolaro as he is. I can promise…he won't miss you.

    • AJW@[redacted]

      Everything neilist said prior to deleting himself (NOT banned) is here.
      All our responses, to put it all in context, can be found here.
      Good riddance.

      • glamourdammerung

        My understanding is that bans are usually for a set period of time unless you are only shit-posting.

        Though it does not change that I found Neilist to be a bit of a moron. But then again, they randomly whined about me being antisemitic for some kind of controversial stance of suggesting bombing children is bad. Given the Giffords meltdown, maybe they just really liked the thought of dead kids.

      • Karma_Suture

        WOW…..
        I never saw all that……..

        Now… will someone help me let go of this tiger?

  • anniegetyerfun

    Well, at least anti-abortion activists like Santorum stand by their convictions, and go out of their way to adopt unwanted children from the foster system. Especially minority children. You know, because hypocrisy would SUCK.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      Yes, and because Rent-Boys ain't cheap, neither.

      • RavenRant

        Santorum/Rekers 2012!

    • OhNoGuy

      And there are so many of them we don't have to worry about this.

    • Nothingisamiss

      It would be almost as if they had no heart at all when speaking of abortion, and then I think of all the work they do in spite of us….helping poor parents, chaining themselves to schools until education is equal, fighting for fair trials of the wrongly convicted, opening up their own home to the homeless…it's then I realize what we, as liberals are missing……

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    OMG, a Republican caring about the browns… News indeed!

    • AngryGeometer

      In election years, they'll even muster up some enthusiasm for the bengals if it comes to that.

      • zhubajie

        In Cincinnati, I'm sure they will.

    • RavenRant

      OMG, a Republican pretending to care about the browns. Fixed.

    • tessiee

      Because nothing says "caring" like complaining that they might have access to affordable health care.

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, they care about the browns and "the blacks" the way Christian End Timers "care" about the Jews.

    • Nothingisamiss

      And this is what Rush will say…"See how we care about the browns?! Fucking commies, step up to the plate and demand that any health clinics be shut down!"

  • Callyson

    Yes…because Santorum would be much happier if PP stayed in all white neighborhoods.

  • metamarcisf

    Is Fetus-in-a-Jar anything like Janitor-in-a-Drum? My drains are clogged again – Ryan O'Neal

  • Ducksworthy

    Also they are opposed to Gawd's messengers of righteousness: gonorrhea, syphilis and AIDS. Oh and birth control, which is also a heinous sin.

    • comrad_darkness

      They are opposed to TREATING, you mean. Also against immunizing kids against cancerous papillomavirus.

  • harry_palmer

    Rick can't understand why everyone isn't attaching themselves like a barnacle to the richest, whitest people they can find. It's all he knows.

    • OhNoGuy

      He'a a typical 3rd generation or so immigrant that can't get far away enough from the smell of poverty.

  • Barb

    Have you ever noticed that the MEN who yammer on about abortion are guys you wouldn't fuck with a stolen pussy in the first place?

    • Callyson

      Either that, or they could not get it up even if they OD'd on Viagra

      • Barb

        agreed!

    • harry_palmer

      I've heard of rented pussies, but never stolen ones!

      • Barb

        Duh! What do you think cat burglars are trying to find.

        • Fare la Volpe

          My dear, you just won the afternoon.

          • Barb

            And I would be honored to share it with you, Fare.

          • Fare la Volpe

            Aww, shucks. Go on <3

        • harry_palmer

          Purrfect!

        • OhNoGuy

          Now that, my dear, is a funny joke!

        • Nothingisamiss

          Barb! FTW!

          • Barb

            Thanks!

    • poorgradstudent

      I do know of one fairly hot male pro-lifer, but maybe he doesn't count since I'm also absolutely convinced he's deep in the closet, like Tom Cruise deep.

  • OC_Burf_Serf

    Well, in rich neighbourhoods you can just buy a fetus already prepped and in a jar.

    • nounverb911

      They have organic ones at the Greenwich Whole Foods.

  • Karma_Suture

    Did that little girl just pass out from smelling his finger?!

    Here honey… smell the Santorum

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Anyone think she's a ringer for Kathy Geist, the kitten-loving, plastic toy chewing middle-aged daughter of Don Geist, the President of The Network on 30 Rock?

  • meufchelou

    "the location of their clinics happen to be in places, historically places, where there are high concentrations of minorities, for example"

    Want another example besides minorities? Planned Parenthood places their clinics in places, historically places, where for example there are historical places. I've even seen a couple in DC.

  • SayItWithWookies

    If Planned Parenthood really wanted to make society better, it would do what Rick Warren, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and Norman Vincent Peale did — reach out to the rich white privileged population just yearning for attention and validation.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      Yes, because the rich white people can't afford to go to regular doctors for their family planning/fetus pickling services.

    • RavenRant

      And tell Africans that condoms cause AIDS.

      Uganda's rate of AIDS infection was decreasing until Rick Warren decided to 'help'. He and his local helpers started an anti-condom campaign, and the rate is rising again. Almost like that was the point…

  • SorosBot

    Shorter Ricky: How dare that Planned Parenthood help poor minority women!

  • CapnFatback

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA . . . like Santorum even knows what a "minority" is.

    • Karma_Suture

      Sure he does… who else do you know that has anal smegma named after them?

    • Gopherit

      Sure he does. Do you think he mows his own lawn?

    • OhNoGuy

      A minority is a Catholic. And this is 1953.

      • RavenRant

        Not on the Supreme Court in 2011.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Are you kidding?! HE'S the minority! No one cares about the whites anymore! And Christians!!! Why won't anyone do anything about the persecution of Christians in this country!!

  • iburl

    Planned Parenthoods' "Horrific Origins":

    (Planned parenthood founder) "Margaret Higgins was born in Corning, New York. Her mother, Anne Purcell Higgins, was a devout Catholic who went through 18 pregnancies (with 11 live births)[1] before dying of tuberculosis and cervical cancer."

    You got me there, foamy.

    • Gopherit

      Not that I ever took Ricky seriously, but my days of listening to anything his says without contempt came when he said earlier this year that he wanted to save these minority babies being thrown into wood chippers everywhere for the purpose of keeping them in our tax base. I mean, what, do you EXPECT RICH PEOPLE TO PAY? Pump out babies, poorz. Those tanks and drones don't pay for themselves. Fucker.

      • tessiee

        The tanks won't drive themselves, either.

        • OhNoGuy

          Cannon Fodder! Now or never! Take off the raincoat for America!

    • ColonelDoctor

      I'm calling him Foamy for evermore. Thanks.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Foamy it is. Yes. Birth of a meme.

      Foamy.

      Excellent!

  • Duly_Noted

    You just have to wonder how absolutely desperate for attention this whining, lying retard has to be to actually be willing to stand up in front of people (I assume they're people, it may be a Young Republicans for Sodomy group or something) and say the ridiculous crud he says on a fairly regular basis.

    Not that I have an opinion, you understand

  • Tundra Grifter

    In other news, Mr. Santorum correctly pointed out that neighborhoods without banks tend to have more check cashing outlets; and those that lack large grocery stores often have a number of corner emporiums featuring cheap malt liquor and expensive cigarettes.

  • Gopherit

    I really am looking forward to the first republican debate featuring Pawlenty, Ron Paul, Buddy Roemer, Bachmann and this turd. It will be one special night of television.

    • metamarcisf

      Don't forget Goodluck Jonathan, my personal favorite.

    • emmelemm

      Aren'tcha leaving out the Trump?

      • Gopherit

        Nope. It's for declared candidates only. Trump never will.

      • flamingpdog

        And the Trig? He's special.

        • zhubajie

          Smart enough not to run for office.

  • EdFlintstone

    I look foward to Rick aborting his campaign after a 9th place finish in Iowa.

    • OhNoGuy

      I'll lend him the coat hanger. (But I want it back,)

      • flamingpdog

        Make sure he wipes the Santorum off before you take it back.

  • fuflans

    donald trump will fuck this guy up.

    • Gopherit

      yeah. Like Trump is running for president. That cynical fucktard is just trying to boost the Celebrity Apprentice ratings.

  • Schmegeg

    Yea, and historically, it is in places where people can't afford or otherwise get quality care from anybody.

    But hey, maybe they are there because of the sweet low rentals in those areas.

    Trump and Santorum would make for a laugh a minute general election ticket.

  • Gopherit

    Rick, you vile, lying turd peddler, try just ten seconds of research before you open your mouth with your "facts". Being refuted in between the breaths in your speech doesn't make you look presidential:
    http://www.guttmacher.org/media/evidencecheck/201

    • RavenRant

      Republican politicians don't worry about being caught in lies, because Republican voters don't mind hearing lies, and are more than happy to repeat lies, no matter how thoroughly they're debunked.

      • tessiee

        They also have extremely short memories.

        • RavenRant

          Or are willing to pretend to. I can no longer distinguish between willful stupidity and the regular kind.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Facts? Facts? You think shitbag Santorum is interested in facts? Dickburger Santorum thinks Guttmacher is a cheap beer. If asswipe Santorum cared about facts he would have closed up shop a long time ago and slimed back under the rock from which he came, hopefully releasing his little daughter from the bondage that is so evident on her face, and his son from those leg irons that make him offer the single digit salute to his father's candidacy.

  • owhatever

    Oh, Ricky, you're so clever. Will you please run for president? Please? Make Planned Parenthood show its long form.

  • KathrynSane

    Seriously though I want to see this stupid white boy personally take his message "to the streets" in these historically places with higher concentrations of minorities.

  • sportshort

    Some will 'dispute" this with the truth, but akshully, Planned Parent'hood' s are Soylent Green distributors to the 14th dimension. And they will be killed themselves if they don't supply the 'raw' materials to make it. If you take the time to look at their broshures and you cut out some letters and paste others over them, they pretty much just say that.

    • OhNoGuy

      Thanks for clearing that up. I was afraid I was the only one that saw that.

  • nounverb911

    I see Rick's youngest is still walking around with little Gabriel.

    • Gopherit

      that whole story creeped me the fuck out. Now, all I can picture is this little piece of jerky left in a place of honor on the Santorum mantlepiece.

  • fartknocker

    Let me repeat myself Ricky: when is it the decision of cockrings like yourself to dictate the level of care required for women, regardless of their financial status? Answer: It's not. Stay away from my wife, daughter and nieces you shit stain.

    You attempting to legislate your morality onto me and my family pisses us off – a lot.

    If you'll excuse me I now must take a Santorum, which is the latest phrase in my house for announcing when one has a bowel movement. We take great pleasure in naming you in honor of our bowels you condecending asshat. My gorgeous wife smiles every morning when our daughter yells at her brother "I need to use the bathroom – I gotta take a Santorum."

    • Fare la Volpe

      Can you adopt me? Your family sounds fantastic.

    • Swampgas_Man

      WRONG! "Santorum" is defined as the frothy mixture of poo and lubricant found after anal sex. See "butt babies". What your daughter is doing is technically a "trump".

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Technically you are correct, but the terms are interchangeable in everyday use by normal humans.

    • yyyaz

      Don't forget to wipe your palin when you're done.

  • e_z

    "Who wants the woman with the skinny legs?"

    -Joe Tex, previoulsy an unknown Space Alien

    • OhNoGuy

      We need more Joe Tex quotes.

  • tessiee

    Shorter: If these minority whores aren't forced to have their babbys, where are we supposed to get our cannon fodder for the next war?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres[ $ rm -r * ]

      Santorum will show ALL of us how babby is formed by forcing women to put their aborted or miscarried babbys in jars of formaldehyde.

    • zhubajie

      Immigrants.

  • pinkocommi

    Until Santorum is a pregnant black woman, he should shut the fuck up.

  • philpjfry

    People like Santorium are why republican abortions should be manditory

    • nounverb911

      Barbara Bush miscarried the wrong son.

  • Gopherit

    Someone should have done that before he had his litter. His wife probably drags her prolapsed uterus behind herself like a 3rd leg. It just can't be healthy to drop 6+ kids.

  • Rotundo_

    Poor bastard will never be able to shake the "Santorum" meme no matter how many times he screams some stupid shit to the media in a pathetic attempt to gain some sort of political relevance. He will forever be remembered as "ass dribblin's". Mind you, this couldn't have been more richly deserved, but to have "ass dribblin's" as one's epitaph, as your name and as a symbol for your political contribution to the country must sting like the beejeesus.

    • emmelemm

      I only wish we could make something similar stick as successfully for some of the other, equally awful characters inhabiting the news these days.

      Because I really think it's true that Santorum will never be taken seriously anywhere again by any sort of wider audience.

      • Rotundo_

        Keep in mind that that little epithet was the result of literally tens of thousands of very motivated angry people with wicked senses of humor. Even Dan Savage couldn't have summoned that kind of creative energy without the willful cooperation and participation of Ricky: Rick Santorum set himself up as a craven shitheel, without having gone there with the "man on dog" line, the motivation wouldn't have been as strong. Combining anger with creativity with that sort of focus and strength just doesn't happen everyday (though you do see a bit of it here)

  • Ducksworthy

    Uh Oh. The short bus just unloaded and indiscriminate downfisting is occurring.

    • RadioSuperman

      I was just checking back on earlier comments and I noticed the downfisters are on delay now and they especially react when Jack Stuef is mentioned.

      • gef05

        Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef Jack Stuef

  • tessiee

    Foamy is puzzled as to why minority women who don't want to carry a pregnancy to term don't simply make several risky plane trips.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Well thank goodness this rich, enlightened white man is here to tell all those misguided black women where they went wrong with their lives.

    • zhubajie

      They chose the wrong parents!

      • DahBoner

        I once talked to a rich SMU sororiety cunt who actually believed this!

  • OneDollarJuana

    Malt liquor producers and fast food chains target low-income areas, too, Ricko. How come you aren't complaining about that?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Junior still flashin' the bird to one and all, while the little one clutches her blonde dolly with the fetus sibling inside. Touching, just fucking touching. What was that old saw? "It takes the village idiot to raze a child."

  • widestanceroman

    Hey, Rick: Reach out, touch foam.

    • AngryGeometer

      Your own Pilonidal Jesus. Someone to eat your ass, someone so crass.

  • RadioSuperman

    Santorum spews forth froth from the cephalad and caudad ends of this hookworm's alimentary canal.

  • hilacious

    I can't read the Santorum posts… they make me feel shitty.

  • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

    “horrific origins,” but he said much of the “poisonous” nature of the organization has remained even as it has claimed to, he said, “transform over time.”

    Reminds me of the "horrific origins" of a certain genocidal slave-holding nation that, though it took hundreds of years to finally "transform" enough to let its' races use the same drinking fountains, still remains filled with "poisonous" right wing religious jack offs.

    • RavenRant

      That is a highly concentrated nugget of brilliance right there. Thank you.

  • Cheetah Repeater

    With all due respect (SNORT!) to Mr. Frothy, Butt-repluglican lies seem to go over well with the poor and ignorant honkies so at least they're being consistent with fear mongering. They are so far out of touch with the black community they actually think black people are kind of wandering around like zombies waiting for the white man to reach down from the gated-community in they sky and save them. Ricky-Lube may have political smarts be he def doesn't have the street smarts to bridge this gap and is making an amusing ass of himself trying to appear concerned for minorities. In short, this great white dope got a God complex.

  • bflrtsplk

    Crime, malnutrition and high unemployment don't kill minorities, right, Ricky? How does that boy sleep at night?

  • Warpde

    Historically places?
    Oh Oh! Someone has been hanging around with Sarah.

  • Schmannnity

    90% of all Planned Parenthood activities involve killing minorities, and that is not intended to be a factual statement.

    • RavenRant

      "Not intended to be a factual statement" should be superimposed on every frame of Fox News. Also, chyroned every time a Republican pol or pundit speaks. And emblazoned across Snowbilly's facebook and twitter feed. And…

  • Walkinwiddaking

    So…for the Republicans this is a win win? The Democrats are supposedly decimating minorities while in reality not killing minorities but, the Republicans are still culling for minority votes based upon this false premise? Sweet.

    • RavenRant

      I'm sure all the minorities will now flock to their nearest GOP headquarters. Any second now…

  • rocktonsam

    biggest asshole ever

  • rhubarbpie2

    I want Rick Santorum to prove he isn't really a deep undercover paid fundraiser FOR Planned Parenthood, because whenever some jackass says crap like this I send PP another fifty bucks.

  • neiltheblaze

    So much sanctimony wed to so much fabulist idiocy.

  • ttommyunger

    The perfect caption for this Family Portrait: "SO, YOU THINK YOU HAVE PROBLEMS?"

  • zhubajie

    Santorum wants more minority people? Sounds fishy to me!

  • http://www.frso.org/index.htm 4TheTurnstiles

    And this is the GOP plan for jobs. Because the GOP is all about jobs. And sphincters.

    • RavenRant

      Don't forget monitoring all lady-parts 24/7 with that very small government.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Firing federal workers creates jobs because of Jesus and 9/11.

  • June_Cleaver2.0

    Why am I so heartless? That is another angle of that funny picture.

    • El Pinche

      Yeah, but check out the kid right of Santo Rectum. He's giving us the holy finger.

  • zhubajie

    If he doesn't want poor people having abortions, why does he not try to make them un-poor? Like with higher wages, better education, unions, etc.?

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      oh you.

    • LetUsBray

      That's commie Nazi islamofascist secret Kenyan soshulist talk.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Vunce ze babbies come out,
      Who cares what happens zen,
      Zat's not my department
      Says Santorum, that fucking fascist asswipe

      (Apologies to Tom Lehrer)

  • Mort_Sinclair

    Santorum didn't get the memo that we're all about homos, Mexicans, taxes, and saving rich people from the IRS this time around. I'll concede lady parts are spiking the meter, but still there's nothing like an Official State Gun that can shoot real live Mexicans to really get the juices flowing.

  • tessiee

    "the location of their clinics happen to be in places, historically places, where there are high concentrations of minorities"

    Translation: Those darkies are MY dang property, dagnabbit! Ain't nobody gonna be killin' 'em except ME!!

    • iburl

      A minority to a Republican (or American Jesus, same thing) is like a raw material from which they can build so many invisibly-handed, free-market things; mega-prisons, foreign wars fodder, home-lending scams, tea-party racism-stokers, police budget-fluffers and all-purpose scapegoats. Why won't the Democrat party allow Republican politicians and their Corporate-Supreme Court to unleash the POWER of each unwanted, severely diseased, malformed, child of a child crack baby that is a product of incestuous gang rape? Why?

  • RavenRant

    I can't see it, but I would really, really like to.

    "Who let the dogs out – woof! woof!"

    Maybe Mitt and Frothy can have a contest.

  • tessiee

    Please, he wouldn't drive through the 'hood in a Sherman tank, let alone walk through!

    • Tundra Grifter

      Remember how well that stunt worked out for Gov. Dukakis?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Santorum's going to be really embarrassed when Jesus comes back and informs him that life begins after the 20th week of pregnancy when brain activity begins.

    "The Lord hath given thou a brain which apparently never developed," the Lord will say.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "The Lord hath given thou a brain which apparently never developed." Does that mean it's OK to abort Santorum, like, now?

      • BarackMyWorld

        Only if his spouse thinks its ok.

        (Same as my position on Terry Shiavo.)

  • not that Dewey

    Isn't it amazing that in every one of these cases, the "politician" spews some kind of shit into the microphone, and yet the "journalist" can make a sentence out of it? Is that what they teach at J-skool?

  • DahBoner

    "Likes killing minorities"

    Yeah, so what?

    Wouldn't that mean less minorities for Democrats to give your taxes to? *

    * = Teabagger Talking Point # 234,567

  • BZ1

    Hanlon's Razor postulates: " Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

  • El Pinche

    Rick please run. Need more pathetic sobbing family photos.

  • ShaveTheWhales

    This was the most succinct response on the whole thread. I can only give you one up-random-physiological-extremity, but there it is.

  • Negropolis

    Because, conservative Republicans have really shown through their policies and rhetoric that they care about and for minority women & children, right?

    Fuck off, wankers. Take your patronizing bullshit somewhere, anywhere else. I can't believe they are shoveling the "compassionate conservative" fecal matter.

    You want to know what drives me up the wall about Santorum, specifically? He always, always offers disclaimers to the horrible things he says as if he really hates saying what he does. Who the hell is he fooling? He absolutely loves saying horrible things.

    Yes, his fake earnestness if really the worst thing about him. He's not the only one to say the things he says, but his smugness – barely masked with his utterly fake humility – is a whole other level of evil.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Couldn't agree more. Santorum, amongst a field of odious, bible-thumping, sanctimonious fucks really stands out as the one to whom I have an absolutely visceral reaction.

      Couple this latest with his argument just the other day that abortion is the cause of a labor shortage/economic problem in the US. It takes very little to connect those dots, as I believe another commenter mentioned above. In his mind, these aborted minority kids should have been the future exploitable workers.

      You can wrap that up in jeebus language, or Ayn Randisms, or whatever the fuck, but that's really what he's saying. Then take into account he's a Republican, so very happy to defund schools and deny healthcare to these same people in dire financial straits, let alone trying to fuck over the New Deal which gives them a (shitty) lifeline.

      He's a horrendous sack of shit who is not as good at hiding his vision of American society as some of the other truly nuts conservatives. I'm pretty sure their vision is similar, and it's not a shining city on a fucking hill, that's for damn sure.

      • Negropolis

        I don't get their vision. It's like a landfill on the top of a hill, but with a huge castle in the middle for them and their own. I couldn't live in a place surrounded by squalor like that, no matter how nice the castle is.

  • Negropolis

    The Planned Parenthood Dingoes done up and stole mah babbies!

  • WilliamHTaft

    Try saying "bloody butt cum" five times fast.

    • RadioSuperman

      SantorumSantorumSantorumSantorumSantorum

  • BarackMyWorld

    We have nobody in Washington that sits back and says you’re not going to stop that fucking fetus from being born.

  • Karlsefni

    Since when did Rick ever care about minorities?

    • El Pinche

      He likes the dark fetuses. It compliments his fetus jar with subtle dark tones.

    • BarackMyWorld

      If history teaches us anything, it's that Christians LOVE Africans.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    KT (kuzzin topic)

    The TPM reports that Indiana's Governor, and supposedly one of the few sane Rethug prez candidates, Mitch Douchbag Daniels is going to sign a bill stripping federal funding from any work at Planned Parenthood in Indiana. This will include pap tests, STD testing/Tx, and such. Not to worry though, over 60% of the folks helped by PP in Indiana are poorz, so this loss of feral funding is just a brown thing.

    • x111e7thst

      There used to be sane Republicans. They were fiscally conservative and kept their noses out of other peoples bedrooms because of small government and personal rights. They have all been washed away on a torrent of santorum and tea.

      • http://www.frso.org/index.htm 4TheTurnstiles

        The last sane Republican was Gov. Tom McCall of Oregon. He was a principled leader, a big thinker, and a decent human being. But for cancer, he could have knocked Reagan out in the primary around 1979… <haz a sad>

        • SorosBot

          The sane Republicans were pretty much killed when Richard Nixon beat George Romney; some lingered on afterwords, but 1968 was the death blow. Just look at how his son now has to act like a nutcase to be a contender for proof.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      GOP fuckwads think the majority approves of this shit. The're setting themselves up for an electoral holocaust in 2012 (which is a good thing, as holocausts go.)

    • emmelemm

      There are browns in Indiana?

      • RavenRant

        Not for long!

  • widget2011

    Why is that girl ALWAYS crying?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      'Cause she realizes who will always be her dad.

    • DashboardBuddha

      I know, right? I cried less at my father's funeral. It looks like her brother is doing a face-palm though

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Downfister Dimbulb is active early on a Saturday. Dumbfuck really has no life, eh?

    • El Pinche

      It's a bit creepy , in fact. It thinks more about wonkett than the editors and staff.

    • RadioSuperman

      I guess the Royal Wedding and NFL Draft are both over.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        And Andy Breitbart's Ayn Rand Memorial Fapathon.

  • DashboardBuddha

    Fascist America-Hating troll is busy today.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Trolls historically live under bridges. Since they America they want is the one foreshadowed by Minnesota's tea farty-loving former governor, perhaps this troll lives under one of the bridges that will collapse on him due to neglect. One can always hope.

      • Negropolis

        You here that Republicans? PawPaw is trying to destroy your guys' natural habitat.

  • glamourdammerung

    I wish Santorum would get back to his roots.

    You know, ranting about man on dog intercourse. It would probably play well with the conservative crowd too.

  • http://www.frso.org/index.htm 4TheTurnstiles
    • AJW@[redacted]

      Oh. My. DOG.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Needz moar backflips on skis – snow or water. That would truly give the teatards momentum.

  • widget2011

    How do you get puke out of your nostrils?

  • Jukesgrrl

    I wonder where Father Rick got this crazy idea. In Pittsburgh, the city he used to pretend to live in, the Planned Parenthood abortion factory is an umbilical cord's distance to Heinz Hall, home of the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra, and the Benedum Center, home of the Pittsburgh Opera. I guess by "minorities" Rick means "cultured people."

    • widget2011

      However, that, would not inclde the Pittsburgh Steelers, last time I checked, most of them were "the blacks".

      • RadioSuperman

        Santorum is from "gritty" Penn Hills.
        Black and Yellow.

        • VinnyThePooh

          Penn Hills?! Yikes! Although I haven't lived there for 15 years, that's just too damn close to my childhood home of Wilkins Township.

    • VinnyThePooh

      Magee-Womens Hospital. I can imagine Ricky's gag reflex working overtime at the mere thought of an entire hospital devoted to wimenz things.

    • AJW@[redacted]

      Heinz Hall, named for Henry J. Heinz, heir to the ketchup fortune. Wait, John Kerry's wife is also an heiress to the ketchup fortune, No wonder ol' Frothy Lube is against it!

  • BlueStateLibel

    I'm glad to know Mittens isn't going to let whack jobs like Sanctimonous and Trump upstage him. His solution is simple: he would like to hang Obama. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/30/mitt-rom

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      After the wackos went with mucho gilling and gutting, Mittens decided he couldn't let them out crazy him, so he put on his olde-style golf shoes with the metal cleats and walked all over his dick with his (metaphorical) let's lynch the black prez line.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Fewer than one in 10 abortion clinics are located in predominantly African-American neighborhoods, or those in which the majority of residents are black.

    How is a right wing fuckwit supposed to make a living if the goddamn liberals keep bringing up their goddamn facts?

    • RavenRant

      Oh, Sweet Pea. Facts are so-o-o-o-o last century!

  • scorpsav

    what the fuck is up with his daughter? Is she a partial birth abortion?

    • glamourdammerung

      That is a little unfair to me and not just because I would rather not see the Breitards feign concern and righteous indignation again.

  • VinnyThePooh

    Rick SansScrotum: The White Knight for Urbanites.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Rick SansScrotum

      That explains why he is such a nut job.

      • El Pinche

        SansScrotum is one of my favorite fonts.

    • Jukesgrrl

      I thought "urbanites" were "the gheys."

      • VinnyThePooh

        "What's a dazzling urbanite like you doing in a rustic setting like this?"

        – Waco Kid to Sheriff Bart in Blazing Saddles.

  • Negropolis

    OT, but just got through watching the correspondents dinner. Maybe, it's just because I'm a Seth Meyes fan, but I thought he did a really good job. They weren't joking about that being a hard room, though. I was particularly irked by how it seemed that jokes about sitting Republican politicians seemed to be off-limits. There were lots of disapproving "ooos", for instance, when Meyers and the president went after (and even tamely) Paul Ryan.

    The Trump jokes were top notch, and Trump's reaction to them were even better. The room was absolutely roaring. It's good to see turkeys get it so squarely on the chin and have to sit and take it.

    • RadioPretty

      In light of this weeks tragedy in the Southeast, I've decided not to be funny…..

    • El Pinche

      It was good. Might I say Michelle O was looking messy hot like Barry gave her the first dick in the limo.

    • Jukesgrrl

      I understand Turmp was a guest of the Washington Post. I wouldn't be surprised to find out he's their newest columnist.

      • Negropolis

        I think Sarah Palin was invited by The New York Times. Just goes to show that the mainstream press will bring anybody to dinner if it gets them attention.

        It's funny, because the WaPo table wasn't even trying to hide its laughter (who could?) when Seth Meyers was deconstructing the guys run before their very eyes. In the rapid-fire barrage of jokes thrown at Trump, one of my favorites of the night was a rather tame and simple one, but one that cut right to the heart, and to paraphrase it went something like "I hear Trump is running as a Republican. That's funny, because I was under the impression he was running as a Joke."

        • BarackMyWorld

          My favorite joke:
          "Donald Trump owns the Miss USA pageant, which is great for Republicans because it will streamline their search for vice president."

    • AJW@[redacted]

      I was really looking forward to a liveblogging of the event, but now I remember my internet was dead last night anyway.

    • LetUsBray

      The prez' rhetorical evisceration of The Donald was both beautiful and terrifying to behold. If his opponents had any shame at all, they'd be heaving huge, huuuuge sighs of relief that he doesn't do that sort of thing all the time – to Orange Boner, to Senate Minority Leader Yertle, to Dumbelina, and to the rest of the whole sorry bunch. Even though many of his supporters devoutly wish he would. And am I remembering right, that he did all that without even mentioning Donny's hair?

      But the president raised a serious issue, and I'm disappointed that it hasn't been addressed yet. Speaking of Michele Bachmann, he said, "I heard she was born in Canada. This is how it starts, Michele." Now, Bachmann could easily put this to rest by releasing her birth certificate. Why hasn't she done so? What's she trying to hide? Hennggh?

  • Steverino247

    Jesus H. Christ! I go on vacation for a few days and you get Santorum all over everything!

  • redamanda

    Oh, pRick, it's not an abortion, it's an omelette!

  • http://www.frso.org/index.htm 4TheTurnstiles

    What becomes of Santorum's kid? World-of-Warcraft furrydom future, taking immortality lessons on the internet…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYPa5L2LdGg

  • MrFizzy

    Based on that photo I would say his kids wish they had been aborted.

  • zhubajie

    In Jesus' day, there were no abortions. Unwanted babies were just put out with the garbarge, perhaps reclaimed by someone else, who wanted to raise a slave.

  • VinnyThePooh

    So, when does Rick SansScrotum start sportin' a big natural?

    Big-time OT:
    Did anybody else catch Marwencol on [i]ndependent Lens?
    We all have our own Marwencols.

  • Negropolis

    WTF is going on? I'm getting sick…oh, boy. I feel like we're going to war with Iran or Syria. Lord help us.