Arizona finally made it official: It married a gun. Jan Brewer signed the infamous bill naming the Colt Single Action Army Revolver the state’s official gun yesterday. Congratulations! We’re so happy for you crazy kids (and we mean crazy). It was surely a beautiful ceremony attended by many and their guns, and although Arizona is not exactly a virgin when it comes to guns, we’re sure it had an exciting night of sex with its new gun. The event, however, was marred by the absence of Gabrielle Giffords. Why didn’t she show up to the ceremony? Is she just bitter? Why can’t she just be happy for Arizona and the the murder device that almost took her life?
Look who else spoke up against this holy union of state and deadly weapon:
A Navajo Nation lawmaker also strongly objected to honoring a gun that killed his people and so many others during its long history in the American West.
How DARE you, sir? How DARE you?! Love knows no bounds. It cannot be stopped by tens of thousands of Native American corpses. You are also just bitter, but that doesn’t matter, because love still won in the end.
The measure landed on the Republican governor’s desk after narrow approval by the state House last week in the waning hours of the legislative session.
See, somebody had their priorities in order! This “waning hours” thing sounds like it would make for a great device in a romantic comedy. Arizona and its gun should write a screenplay about their beautiful love and all the jealous people with bullet wounds in their brain who tried to stop them. That would teach them to not stand in the way of love!
Best wishes, Mr. and Mrs. Death Apparatus. [Reuters]
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i demand to see that gun's papers
As if! When John Ashcroft was Attorney General, he considered background check documents so unimportant he ordered them shredded immediately after processing. To him "well-regulated" did not include a single piece of paper.
He probably wanted to get that nonsense out of the way as quickly as possible so that he could go on to really important things, like covering up a boob on a statue.
How dare she! And after everything the 2nd Amendment has done for her!
Really, I don't think Gabby should hold a grudge against the Colt Single Action Army Revolver since it was one of those damn furrin Glocks that cracked her nut. Totally different gun.
Credit, and blame, where it is due, Ms. Giffords.
Well, if those Injuns hadn't been wearing those surveyor's marks on their chests…
Seriously! Not to mention all the free booze we've given them over the centuries to help them take their minds off things.
They should just start dumping Thorazine in their water supply now or they have no hope.
Arizona – proud to be America's laughing stock.
Arizona – proud to be America's armed laughing stock. Fixed.
Florida, Mississippi, and Ohio are going to be hard pressed to trump this.
Patience, there are some pretty creative stupid people in all those states, especially Florida.
WI and TX aren't out of the game yet.
Along with Texas, Tennessee, Georgia, Mississippi, Alaska……
Will they name meth the official state drug?
Is it meth or mescaline? They have some fine cacti out there, but they are also full of white trash, so really its a toss-up. I look forward to the prolonged recount vote.
I'm guessing the mescalitos don't have a strong influence on the Repugs in control, so I'm going with Meth.
State drug is Stoopid. They can't get enough of it. They huff, shoot, snort and copiously vomit it out constantly.
You're mixed up. Stoopid is that big family that serves in the legislature.
Rush would vote for Oxy.
peyote?
If they didn't get married then the terrorists win!!
I think that contest has already been decided, which is why we are where are as a country.
I heard the bride threw a bouquet of armor piercing bullets.
No one got shot at this celebration? Pussies.
When will they name Brewer the official state
targetsurveyors mark?She's already the official state dried flower arrangement.
Isn't that just her hairdo?
They also named the "Blanket infested with small pox" the official state bed covering.
Arizona went to bed with a round in its chamber. Of course it was a big bore.
Read that any way you want.
Is that you Barrack?
I hope Arizona and the Colt Single Action Army Revolver aren't both dudes because that would be illegal.
Colt Arms — made in Hartford Connecticut, home of eastern elitism and Joe-Mentum.
I can think of a few other things I'd like to see land on the governor's desk.
The Governor, legs akimbo?
I forget the second half: Ben Quayle astride.
[passes camaro entire bottle of fiber tablets]
Giffords Doesn’t Show Up To Ceremony Naming Arizona’s Official State Gun
because it isn't Glock
When I hold you in my arms
Oooooooooh, oh yeah!
And when I feel my finger on your trigger
Oooooooooh, oh yeah!
I know nobody can do me no harm
Oooooooooh, oh yeah!
Happiness is a warm gun, momma
New state song?
Too many time-signature changes.
No, never.
Still too soon after John Lennon’s murder by a madman’s warm gun.
I thought the song was about heroin.
Weren't all his songs about heroin? Or at least drugs? At least, they were if you played them backwards.
I heard it as a slightly encoded way of saying "a penis is a warm gun", with the my-finger-on-your-trigger as a sexual metaphor, but ymmv.
Actually, as I recall, Lennon wrote it in response to an NRA ad he saw in a magazine somewhere that actually said "Happiness is a Warm Gun" and it creeped him out. That's the story I read somewhere long ago.
Poopy drawers. Didn't see your post. Fine minds etc.
Also in this law: it isn't "gay" if you're getting pegged by the Official State Gun. Conservatives across AZ are feeling morally liberated today.
Not to be outdone, South Carolina will soon proclaim the noose the "Official State Knot."
This.
This is the best comment I have seen in forever. And there are a lot of good comments here.
Happiness is indeed a warm gun.
First order of business: recalling license plates and substituting "Colt .45 Malt Liquor" for "The Grand Canyon State".
I bet the Winchester and Remington folks are up in arms about this.
I saw what you did there.
Not to mention Ruger, which has a large facility here in Prescott.
Perhaps she can show up and make a few remarks when they name Arizona's official state infectious brain disease because the place seems to be completely occupied by fucking retards.
Be strong Gabby
So Will and Kate aren't the only inbreds getting married today…
You think that's bad, just wait until the divorce!
The only law firm that will handle that case is Smith & Wesson.
The ceremony and reception was a real "BANG". Get it, get it.
Well, at least it wasn't a shotgun marriage.
What? Too soon?
Nope–too late!
When is smallpox going to be the named the official blanket of Arizona?
Those injuns deserved it for being on our land. Jesus, you'd think those barbarians had never heard of manifest destiny.
"Manifest Destiny" is last century's "Illegal Immigration," only with more God and gunpowder.
It's simply fucking needless legislation and presented at an inappropriate time.
When does the U.S. America pass a law turning Massey Mining or BP offshore operations into our official national resource extractors?
..and their state flower is cactus…
Because the pricks are on the outside?
(Thank you Tom Wolfe!)
Good news, New Mexico! I've been lookin' into this here gun marriage thing and it seems as though some of the most respected philosophers on the subject have a saying about "Why Guns are Better'n Womans." According to the Sacred Texts, "If you admire a friend's handgun and have the cojones to tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times." Jackpot, New Mexico! Jackpot!
Along with a Colt 45, another Wonketteer must-have for the Royal Wedding (NSFW):
http://gribsby.com/The-Gribsby-Plate
Another advertiser to take Papa John's slot.
I ordered an set of eight. Should be a real hit for Thanksgiving dinner.
The blushing bride is thoughtfully admitting her wild-oats ways are behind her: "Never been to bed with an ugly gun, though I've woken up with a few…"
Let me take this opportunity to say something nice about Gov. Brewer: at least she's now wearing a hairdo age-appropriate to her daughter, and not her granddaughter. Other than that, she's still a pickled twat with top-of-the-line Tony Roberts' Destroy Your Enemy With Blinding Light brand teeth.
Your teeth would be blindingly white too if they were constantly bathed in Gin as are Governor Drinky's.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Duke and Duchess of Phoenixshire.
Fetuses and Guns. Those are the central idols of our National Religion.
If they could only find a way to arm Fetal Americans, we might see some real progress around here.
The gun's only one century out of date. AZ's got more of a Dark Ages vibe.
ok, the freeking downfister is running some bot that works autonomously; everyone on p.2 was hit in less than 20 seconds. Ken, time to deploy the death ray…
Yeah I noticed a bunch of my older ones had dropped from one to zero.
There's zeroes everywhere now! I think the little schizophrenic has all his accounts running the bot. He definitely has multiple accounts, since in his very first comment on Breitbart he admits to being a sockpuppet:
http://tv.breitbart.com/reid-on-obamacare-repeal-...
Probably this troll: http://intensedebate.com/people/Spanky2b
That's him, yep. And once again he's got overt racism on the very first page of recent comments, in a conversation with our old racist trolls Stowell and di_da, what a surprise.
Despite AutoTroll's powers, my p-ness continues to grow victoriously.
I'm probably gonna regret this gloating within minutes.
Imagine Jan Brewer as Marie in "Going Places."
I heard it was a shotgun wedding!
(Ba-da-bing!)
"A Navajo Nation lawmaker also strongly objected to honoring a gun that killed his people and so many others during its long history in the American West."
It's safe to say that honoring any gun — outside a BB or marshmellow one — is majorly disrespecting a lot of people who ended up on the wrong side of it.
Next, will Japan declare an official national nuclear bomb or power plant? Louisiana a state hurricane? South Carolina a state chromosomal abnormality caused by inbreeding?
I'd bet the Japanese would go with Fat Man over Little Boy, if for no other reason than ease of pronunciation.
THAT'S NOT RACIAL TRANSCENDENCE!
"South Carolina a state chromosomal abnormality caused by inbreeding?"
Their state flag already has a Confederate design, a swastika, and a middle finger; let's not get greedy.
Wow, Giffords is just so ungrateful to the gun that changed her life forever.
Was Jared Loughner the best man? Too soon?
Can we vote Arizona the official douche bag of the United States? Or should we go with official colostomy bag?
Downfisty Mc Asshole must be a Glock fan.
I'd have gone with the Spud Gun, but that's more South than Southwest.
Will Arizona also proclaim Christina Taylor Green as the official Arizona State Child Murder Victim?
If only she'd been packing heat…
Meanwhile, millions of English citizens are being taxed to death, many are out of work, the government is laying off people, closing down offices and consolidating, there is a huge deficit, there is huge unemployment, the economy is tanking, and many people are having trouble paying bills and keeping their homes—and the monarch spends millions on a bubble-world farce that most people could care less about. What a farce, what stupidity, and what an offensive affront to everyone in that great country. England is a great country, and the people are great–but there should be no monarchy. There never should have been a monarchy. There was never a good time for a monarchy. No country should ever have a monarchy, and that includes England, Spain, Norway, Morocco, Whevever. No country. People should have democracies, and their leaders should be elected by the people. Queen Elizabeth II should have been the last in line for the British monarchy, and the whole sham should be phased out after her. The only place for kings and queens is in fantasy fiction.
Obviously you have been holding some strong feelings you feel comfortable sharing here with your fellow Wonkettes.
Breathe slowly; you are with friends.
I'm fine, and it's a chance to just express what many folks are saying, today, last week, and for years: that it's time to end these moronic monarchies. That's all. And it ain't just me saying that! Just trying to inject some reality as a counter to the horrible media coverage of that ridiculously over-hyped wedding today.
I'm happy for Arizona that all those pesky economic and jobs problems are solved, so they can spend some quality time on birther bills, defunding stuff and gun shopping.
I feel like a pin cushion today, and the pricks are killing me.
Thank you for the wonderful graphic, a keepsake vision worthy of commemorative mugs, menus, T shirts, calendars, postcards, coloring books, lingerie, sneakers, lunch boxes, gosh, lots of things!
Number one with a bullet?
Did they pass out free goodie bags for the kiddies, with a free gun and lots of ammo?
Jan Brewer
Is John Bobbit from Arizona?
So fitting for Arizonians to choose a weapon so backward and obsolete that it is only seen in museums and reenactment festivities. In other words, totally fucking out of synch with the times, like themselves.
Yesh, yesh it izzz!
"A Navajo Nation lawmaker also strongly objected to honoring a gun that killed his people and so many others during its long history in the American West."
On the plus side, it was also used to shoot secessionist rebels.
Needs moar Yosemite Sam
One size fits all? Mmmmm, likely there a Georgian shrinkage problem in Arizona.
John McCain or Bristol Palin.. Hard to decide.
Have you hugged your gun today?
This is good news for Apache Wars veteran Juan McCain!
Wow, old Cheetoh-fist McTroll was sure quick to suck my p-ness. I know he's enjoying it.
The troll's experience flossing his/her teeth on the Koch brothers pubes helps.
Aw, so cute that he's following me now, too. Here boy, got a tasty treat for you!
Has anyone stopped to consider that this gun could be a Terrorist on the No Fly List?
Downfister, with your .45,
I'm gonna tear your world apart,
downfister, pain mister,
I'm gonna tear your world apart.
"tens of thousands of Native American corpses."
Try tens of millions.
I hope Sheriff Joe Arpaio is the godfather for little Coltazona.
Doesn't matter, as long as it's cut.
If only all the other states had official guns, they could have returned fire on that injun and this whole tragedy could have been avoided.
They just want their country back. Wow, they must get along really well with the Teabag Nation!
This is not over! We true Arizonerans want a real firearm, not a wimpy little pistol, for the state gun. A big ass sniper rifle at least, or an automatic machinerygun. Dang lib wussies like the woman governor caved to the left wing right wing.
And the Arizona State Official Gunshot Wound?
Damn you Arizona! You're trying to overshadow the awesomeness of National Hairball Awareness Day with this tripe.
I insist that the gun submit all questions for pre-screening.
Nik Richie?
Wow, is she ever an unAmerican pussy. Why didn't they shoot her into space instead of her husband? Along with the redskin peddling blankets.
10 electoral votes, ladies and gentlemen.
But if Trump would have given his "Fuck" speech in Arizona, he could of followed up by blasting away in the air, Yosemite Sam style.
"Oooooh, I hates male pattern baldness!!"
"This “waning hours” thing sounds like it would make for a great device in a romantic comedy."
With Julia Roberts or Sandra Bullock running through an airport in high heels, crying.
This is how it starts, people!
It's a slippery slope:
It starts out by allowing people to marry their guns, and the next thing you know, they're having sex with electric toothbrushes and washing machines.
their head of state is selected (hello, GWB!) by his governor brother, Fox news, and his pals on the supreme court, and then sues to stop the vote count
fxd
Why does Giffords hate crying eagles?????
Plainly Giffords is the REAL terrorist here!
In before "Brewer Act To Declare Potato-Mashers Arizona's Official State Hand-Grenade."
Extra FAIL: Colt is originally from Connecticut.
I am truly disappointed with the choice of the Colt. I felt sure it would be the AK47 which the NRA backed right wing radical cracked teapot rednecks like to sell to the Mexican drug cartels. You never know what or who nutcases in AZ will vote for-or shoot at.
That gun is a Bisley and not a Colt.
The Bisley was made by Colt. It's a single-action Colt Bisley-model .45, which was a target pistol, not a Single Action Army.
/gunnerd'd
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