THE INVISIBLE HAND  7:58 pm April 28, 2011

Michelle Obama Has Three Hands

by Riley Waggaman

WHAT DOES DONALD TRUMP THINK?Haha, oh Barack. How can you expect us to believe that your .pdf birth certificate is genuine? Your wife has three hands. [The Hartford Courant via Reddit]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 173 comments }

Hatrabbit April 28, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Her father was an alien from the planet K-enyar.

Negropolis April 28, 2011 at 11:54 pm

No, no, no. Get your conspiracies straight, my good lad (lass?). Michelle is the native-born Black Nationalist. Here husband is the foreign-born Indo-African marxist.

OC_Burf_Serf April 28, 2011 at 8:03 pm

It's for resting on Barack's extra knee…jeez!

Negropolis April 28, 2011 at 11:55 pm

Three hands would be quite the advantage in other marital (non-marital if you're kinky) activities, if you know what I mean.

CthuNHu April 29, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Now that's every man's fantasy wife.

comrad_darkness April 28, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Zaphod?

or Zaphhand, perhaps…

Papa_Uniform April 28, 2011 at 8:06 pm

And, oh scandal, it's white!

Not_So_Much April 28, 2011 at 8:29 pm

First thing I thought of. What kind of scam are they trying now to steal our freedoms?!?!11?!

Hatrabbit April 28, 2011 at 8:06 pm

Barack has a phantom knee that shows up randomly in photos, she has a phantom (white) hand. Neither of these body parts are documented on their 'birth certificates'.

Harmless coincidence? You decide (but if you say yes, you're wrong.)

Callyson April 28, 2011 at 8:08 pm

Well, the third hand is for flipping the bird to the wingnuts. A FLOTUS has to multitask these days.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 29, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Very diplomatic … 'cause a raised black finger would bother them, maybe.

donner_froh April 28, 2011 at 8:08 pm

Must have been photoshopped by the same ponytail guy that Alan Jones found to show the birth certificate had been shopped.

WhatTheHeck April 28, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Know what? I have never seen Obama in real life. I’m beginning to think everything about this man has been shopped. There is no real person, just someone the republicans made up so the Teabaggies could have a reason for existing.

OkieDokieDog April 28, 2011 at 8:12 pm

I'm jumping on board your conspiracy crazy train.

WhatTheHeck April 28, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Its not so crazy when you write it all down on a chalk board while holding a pointing stick. Go read it for yourself.

RavenRant April 28, 2011 at 11:02 pm

My theory: Chalk dust is hallucinogenic.

horsedreamer_1 April 29, 2011 at 8:45 am

Why do you think I always wanted to clap the erasers in third & fourth grade? Al the Janitor had slipped acid into the chalk.

finallyhappy April 28, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Sorry,I've seen him twice and my daughter has shaken his hand. However, we were under mass hypnosis

SorosBot April 28, 2011 at 8:28 pm

I have spoken to the man and can confirm that he exists, or at least did in 1996.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 28, 2011 at 8:35 pm

I'm with you, Heck, I think these others are all part of the conspiracy to make us believe in Obama.

Terry April 28, 2011 at 8:43 pm

I ate Obama flavored ice cream once, but I'm reasonably sure it didn't contain any actual Obama.

finallyhappy April 28, 2011 at 9:00 pm

Was this at Tropical Ice Cream on Georgia? The flavor she created to honor the President?

Terry April 28, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Yep, York Castle Tropical Ice Cream. OMG, love love love love

comrad_darkness April 29, 2011 at 10:35 am

So, kind of like the Eucharist, you are saying.

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum April 29, 2011 at 11:50 am

Chocolate Ambrosia.

AJW@[redacted] April 28, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Then who sent me that email begging for money this morning?

trampndirtdown April 28, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Anthony Wiener?

not that Dewey April 28, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Simone/Biden 2012!

Negropolis April 28, 2011 at 11:58 pm

I really think Obama is just a collection of African pygmies stacked atop one another in a dastardly plan to take over America.

That's what I heard on Fox, anyway. And Fox ain't never wrong.

horsedreamer_1 April 29, 2011 at 8:45 am

Then, the GOP can run an hippopotamus against him in 2012. Easy win.

Moonbat April 29, 2011 at 10:53 am

Sadly, Haley Barbour decided not to run.

Hatrabbit April 28, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Is Obama shaking the invisible hand of the Free Market?

HempDogbane April 28, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Invisible hand usually rests on the shoulder of ordinary Presidents. In Obama's case reaches for his ass.

horsedreamer_1 April 29, 2011 at 8:46 am

I was thinking of the Replacements — Pleased to Meet Me.

JustPixelz April 28, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Somebody give the First Lady a hand.
They're in love and walk hand in hand (in hand).
And today was the day Oprah became known as "The Hook".

Warpde April 28, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Well if it's like having a third nipple life for Barack is good.

Gopherit April 28, 2011 at 8:12 pm

That's the normally invisible hand of the market. The Breitards and Reptilians finally got to him.

Hatrabbit April 28, 2011 at 8:14 pm

I would LOVE to get a graphic design job at Wonkette, but I know I could never get my MS Paint skills up to this level of sophistication.

Gopherit April 28, 2011 at 8:15 pm

Plus, you know, Blingees.

Hatrabbit April 28, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Forgot about that.

Shit man, back to greeting Walmart customers.

DashboardBuddha April 28, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Walmart greeters: When our local store opened, the greeters were all, "WELCOME to Walmart! Hello!! How can I help you?!"

Now they're all, "Welcome to Walmart, here's your fucking cart. Welcome to Walmart, here's your fucking cart. Welcome to…what? Paint? It's in the fucking paint department. Here's your fucking cart."

Gopherit April 28, 2011 at 8:33 pm

You just admitted to shopping at wal-mart. SCAB!!!

Rotundo_ April 28, 2011 at 8:48 pm

It's what happens to people in retail: You start out before Xmas all happy and chirpy to be working, by the time Memorial Day rolls around, if you're still employed, you have the ten thousand yard stare and start talking like a jersey cabbie with a hangover. It's about all the contact with customers: If dealing with them full time for a few months doesn't suck the soul from you, the management will finish you off. Nurses Aides are the only ones who have it worse from what I have seen.

HELisforHEL April 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm

That's kinda my retirement plan.

Fred_Wertham_Jr April 28, 2011 at 8:17 pm

What's "Drudge"?

Gleem_McShineys April 28, 2011 at 8:33 pm

When your santorum gets in your fedora.

not that Dewey April 28, 2011 at 10:30 pm

It's how they get all the toxins out of the rivers.

Negropolis April 29, 2011 at 12:02 am

Just what it sounds like, pure and utter drudgery.

deanbooth April 28, 2011 at 8:18 pm

I blame his handlers.

gullywompr April 28, 2011 at 8:18 pm

That's hawt.

facehead April 28, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Wait a second .. that Drudge Siren is obviously photoshopped! a REAL Drudge Siren is much louder, much more annoying, and usually implies there's a boatload of dildos (and/or a very courageous Riley Waggaman) nearby ….

Nice Try Wonkette.

bokononista April 28, 2011 at 8:22 pm

The nail polish matches on all three hands. This is legit!

undeterredbyreality April 28, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Oops–inadvertent downfist. Add two, take the square root of total fists for the day, divide by the total number of posts, and have another shot: Winning!

bokononista April 28, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Undeterred by fisting, inadvertent or not. Enthused by the algorithmic breakdown you've produced!

not that Dewey April 28, 2011 at 10:31 pm

But but but they didn't have roller-ball nail polish in 2011.

weejee April 28, 2011 at 8:23 pm

Left, right, and ambidextrous triangulating obvs.

EatsBabyDingos April 28, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Verily, I say unto you:

I'd care more if it was a third breast.

Not_So_Much April 28, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Especially if it were on Barak Hussein Obamar. A zombie HoveRound apocalypse would ensue.

horsedreamer_1 April 29, 2011 at 8:48 am

Barack did have a phase when Mechanical Animals was his favourite album.

We're all stars now… in the hope show.

poncho_pilot April 29, 2011 at 3:38 am
Barb April 28, 2011 at 8:28 pm

I'm sure she wears a burqa when they are alone and it is not that noticeable.

flamingpdog May 1, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Do they have "burqa burga" parties like that Berlusconi feller?

bumfug April 28, 2011 at 8:33 pm

Oh thank "god," the guys at Area 51 were going nuts looking for that motherfucker!

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 28, 2011 at 8:36 pm

Three hands, no wonder he always seems so happy.

Or maybe this is the invisible hand finally deciding to come out. And with Obama. This will send the Randians up the wall.

bumfug April 28, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Well, nothing on TV but that royal pain in the ass, uh, I mean wedding – might as well kill some time by upfisting everybody to undo the phantom troll's mischief. Yeah, upfist everybody but me but I'm sure someone else will take care of that.

UpFistTroll April 28, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Ask and ye shall receive.

RavenRant April 28, 2011 at 9:51 pm

Done, and DONE.

Doktor Zoom April 28, 2011 at 10:04 pm

Pardon me for breathing, which I never do anyway so I don't know why I bother to say it, oh God I'm so depressed. Life! Don't talk to me about life."

bumfug April 28, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Have you ever wondered what Wonkette would have been like if you hadn't been around to post ?

Doktor Zoom April 28, 2011 at 10:38 pm

I'm not getting you down at all, am I? I have this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side….

natoslug April 28, 2011 at 11:23 pm

I have this terrible pain in all the dildos in down my left side.

bumfug April 28, 2011 at 11:26 pm

Did I fuck up and make you think my name is Clarence?

Crank_Tango April 28, 2011 at 8:43 pm

I think that extra hand belongs to bill ayers.

Gopherit April 28, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Not Soros?

Crank_Tango April 28, 2011 at 9:39 pm

no that one's in the back of barry's suit.

RavenRant April 28, 2011 at 9:42 pm

Have you ever seen Ayers and Soros in the same place at the same time? Hmmmm?!?

horsedreamer_1 April 29, 2011 at 8:49 am

Given Soros, Jewish, Hungarian, naturalized American, Davos regular (has to be, right?) is a man of the world, I think "pallin' around with tourists" applies, here.

flamingpdog April 29, 2011 at 1:06 am

Obama's a snob – he'salways putting on Ayers.

Gopherit April 28, 2011 at 8:43 pm

Admit it, Riley. Your Overlord Breitbart made you post this. Come to the light, Riley.

RadioAfterbirther April 28, 2011 at 8:55 pm

It's nothing but preztidigitation. Big whoop.

Crank_Tango April 28, 2011 at 9:40 pm

a little sleight of hand, heingh?

Doktor Zoom April 28, 2011 at 10:04 pm

I guess some people will do anything to get extra thumbs, won't they?

pinkocommi April 28, 2011 at 8:57 pm

In India, Michelle would be revered as a goddess for having three hands. In the US, she is reviled as a pinko commie for fighting obesity. The moral of the story is that idiocy knows no geographic or cultural boundaries.

SorosBot April 28, 2011 at 9:28 pm

So she'd be like Lakshmi Tatma, who is just the cutest little goddess ever:

http://www.cracked.com/article_18961_the-6-strang

(#1, at the bottom of the list)

finallyhappy April 28, 2011 at 9:03 pm

I have strawberries and my plate celebrating the birth of Prince William- I am ready for the most important event at 3 AM tomorrow

Cicada April 29, 2011 at 12:33 am

God, I know. I'm super duper excited for the anniversary of the Louisiana Purchase too.

horsedreamer_1 April 29, 2011 at 8:51 am

I will serenade Camilla with this: "it's 3 am, you must be homely".

Also: any chance William is marrying into the Middleton family of glourified chavs to make his dad's second wife look better?

a_pink_poodle April 28, 2011 at 9:04 pm

My God! My worst fears are realized!

Obama… is just a big PHOTOSHOP! How come no one has ever seen him in person? I haven't seen one person who has met him in person!

JackDempsey1 April 28, 2011 at 9:05 pm

I'm not sure where she got it, but it sure would be useful when you're playing the slots.

Negropolis April 29, 2011 at 12:09 am

Is that a double entendre, or do you literally mean gambling at video slots at the Venetian?

Cheetah Repeater April 28, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Unlike his 'certificate of live birth' (pffffft!) you can't fake something like this!

Guppy06 April 28, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Hand job!

DrunkIrishman April 28, 2011 at 9:16 pm

It's the hand of Pres. Obama's clone Barry Soetoro!

Beetagger April 28, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Barack is so well hung that it takes 3 hands to give him a proper handjob.

SayItWithWookies April 28, 2011 at 9:40 pm

One hand is for liberals to be disappointed by, and the second hand is for conservatives to be outraged about. And on the other hand, there's the tea party…

Negropolis April 29, 2011 at 12:11 am

I wish she'd use all three to choke the lifeforce out of those bastards…as if I even have to indentify who "those bastards" are. She should take pieces of Barry's birf ceriticate and "show it down their throats."

Crank_Tango April 28, 2011 at 9:41 pm

I can't believe someone would downfist a national treasure like yourself tommy, but here we are, and I have done what I can to correct the injustice done by the invisible fist.

ttommyunger April 28, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Honestly, I would not know how to check the up/down fisting activity; that's how fucking clueless I am; and please don't enlighten me, I am happy in my ignorance. Hmmm. sounds like Dubya there. I scare myself.

RadioSuperman April 28, 2011 at 11:59 pm

it's like Midway ttommy, if you see Zeroes, just keep dive-bombing with SBD Dauntless' and upfisting away.

ttommyunger April 29, 2011 at 6:54 am

Think I'll just stick with the ranting and snarking.

Crank_Tango April 29, 2011 at 2:15 am

yeah that's the pointless thing about it. you only know it's happening when people's scores are at 0. which lasts for maybe a minute until someone comes along and upfists you. so this asshole sits on here all day, and maybe for a second someone has a score of 0 on a post and never even knew what happened.

talk about a waste of time, talk about going galt!

ttommyunger April 29, 2011 at 6:55 am

And I thought I had no life!

flamingpdog May 1, 2011 at 12:49 pm

You HAVE no life, ttommy. No, wait, I'm going Republican, and projecting MY situation in life onto you.

AJW@[redacted] April 28, 2011 at 9:44 pm

I'm thinking that maybe The Addams Family musical is folding it's tent, and Thing needed a new gig.

DahBoner April 28, 2011 at 9:46 pm

"Your wife has three hands"

That means she has three fingers to give to 'Whitey', motherfuckers…

jus_wonderin April 28, 2011 at 9:53 pm

oh gawd, i think i see her lizard skin zipper

Slim_Pickins April 28, 2011 at 10:05 pm

Slight of hand so to speak?

Doktor Zoom April 28, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Not sure, but I'm pretty sure this would be the preferred soundtrack.

ttommyunger April 28, 2011 at 10:27 pm

Minus the primordial scream at the end.

unclejeems April 28, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Phantom knee, third hand, now what? Personally, I'm waiting for the Teatards to start screeching about a long-form marriage certificate and proof of a prenuptial blood test. He's half "white" and since she's "black," then it could turn out via DNA that the marriage is illegal, according to a law that was struck down 40 years ago in Virginia. That would be about right for the 'Tards, or is that far back enough? Plessy v. Ferguson, anyone?

The fall-back position would be their law school transcripts. Wait for it.

flamingpdog April 29, 2011 at 1:15 am

Fall-back position? Is that in the Kenya Sutra?

unclejeems April 29, 2011 at 1:29 am

That would be the lay-back position. Best done on the way-back machine. In transit between Kenya and Hawaii. And Indonesia.

freddymcmurray April 28, 2011 at 10:36 pm

talk to the hand, sucka, talk to the hand

freddymcmurray April 28, 2011 at 10:38 pm

a bird in the hand is worth three in the bush? this shit just writes itself.

unjamie April 28, 2011 at 10:40 pm

The photographer explains this here: http://bit.ly/iI5rPO — but in my opinion, the explanation just raises more questions than it answers. In other words fake fake faaaaake FAKE FAKE.

RavenRant April 28, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Idle 3rd Hand = Devil's Workshop!

JoshuaNorton April 28, 2011 at 11:12 pm

OK, now I demand to see the longer form birth certificate. What is he trying to hide? Huh? Huh? ANsWer MeeE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Schmannnity April 28, 2011 at 11:43 pm

retard Downs Syndrome testing one two three

Biel_ze_Bubba April 29, 2011 at 7:28 pm

19 hours and counting.

Schmannnity April 30, 2011 at 9:56 pm

safe!

tribbzthesquidz April 29, 2011 at 1:45 am

Wherz the auto-tuned extended dance remix?!?! Or the twenty minute live version with the long jam?

DerrickWildcat April 28, 2011 at 11:17 pm

That's the magical hand that guides and oversees the free market.

MaxUdargo April 28, 2011 at 11:26 pm

Seriously, though… is this normal now? Are "photojournalists" routinely doctoring photos to "sweeten" them?

What, am I fucking stupid? OF COURSE photojournalists have abandoned all pretense of professional ethics. Jesus, Max, the country thinks Donald Trump is a credible presidential candidate and everybody thinks you have right of way if you're turning left, you think the fucking photojournalists are clinging to rational integrity? You're old, Max! You're old and stupid and you should just shut up and die because dogs bark, okay? It's normal for dogs to bark and the police are tired of you wasting their time and they can't do anything about it unless the dog barks for 10-minutes straight while they sit in their car listening. And if the dog breaks off for 30 seconds during that 10-minute observation period, then you're just testing the officer's patience. You see that condescending smile? He's just dealing with you and your cranky complaints. But don't push it. They gave him a taser just for situations like this. Because a dog can't keep you awake at night if it doesn't bark non-stop for 10 minutes straight while a cop is listening. Silly old man. Stupid old man. But don't worry, we can see you're scared so we'll tolerate you and smile. But you're going to have to deal with the dogs. You can sleep when you're dead.

What the hell was I posting about? This is wonkette? Did that fucking Lobsterback Palin do something stupid again?

I'm really not senile, just drunk.

BarackMyWorld April 28, 2011 at 11:29 pm
SayItWithWookies April 28, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Oh sure — then explain why it takes her mother three more frames to show up after the hand does. Couldn't it also be true that Michelle's mother follows her daughter around just in case they need a convenient scapegoat for why Michelle has three hands? This "explanation" raises at least as many questions as it answers.

Chet Kincaid April 28, 2011 at 11:56 pm

That's great. Truly a sign of the times.

RadioSuperman April 29, 2011 at 12:18 am

That only raises more questions.

flamingpdog April 29, 2011 at 1:22 am

Look at the third picture. Michelle has three knees!

fuflans April 29, 2011 at 12:31 am

man that woman rocks any outfit she puts on.

tribbzthesquidz April 29, 2011 at 1:47 am

I noted that also noted.

Boojum_Reborn April 29, 2011 at 12:47 am

It's the Hand of Glory. Like a voodoo glory hole.

Doktor Zoom April 29, 2011 at 1:04 am

Wow, she just appeared out of nowhere…like some kind of magic…uh…magic….(what's the word?) OH, yeah! Like a NUN!

Those nuns, I tell ya, you'd think you were going to get away with something, and BAM! Out of nowhere, there they were!

JustPixelz April 29, 2011 at 7:49 am

BarackMyWorld: You must be so very, very honored to have had a hand in resolving this issue. Very proud to have done something no one else has been able to do. Very honored. Also proud.

DashboardBuddha April 29, 2011 at 8:52 am

Wait a cotton-picking moment here! Michelle Obama's mother is allowed to ride Air Force One? What the hell are we running here, a bus service? Put the hag on commercial and remove this crushing burden from the back of the American white taxpayer!

There, I have summarized just about every comment on Yahoo news.

Negropolis April 28, 2011 at 11:53 pm

Michelle Obama Has Three Hands

The better to needlessly strangle small mammals with, my dear.

You know what other sinister things come in threes?

SayItWithWookies April 29, 2011 at 12:24 am
flamingpdog April 29, 2011 at 1:25 am

The Holy Trinity?

MadBrahms April 29, 2011 at 2:21 am

The Palin daughters?

poncho_pilot April 29, 2011 at 3:48 am

sexually deviant mathematicians?

Gleem_McShineys April 29, 2011 at 12:50 pm

American Pi

Doktor Zoom April 29, 2011 at 8:26 am

Downfisters?

horsedreamer_1 April 29, 2011 at 8:56 am

Stooges?

catholic4condom April 29, 2011 at 12:01 am

Her hair looks blown back. Has she been using the Trojan "messager". An extra hand could come in er…handy.

Warpde April 29, 2011 at 12:13 am

Damn you photoshop!!!!!
It was supposed to be a dick.

Ha Ha.. only took me 6 hours to think of that one…
Fuck I'm getting too old.

Blendergoathead April 29, 2011 at 12:16 am

If I had three hands, I'd never leave the house, ftw.

Negropolis April 29, 2011 at 2:26 am

Yes, you did just win the internets.

BZ1 April 29, 2011 at 12:26 am

When will Obie stop using that PhotoShop?

FlipOffResearch April 29, 2011 at 12:31 am

I don’t know what it’s like for you guys, but I’ll tell you what it’s like for me.

You wanna here some jokes: Whats Obama got in common with JFK and RFK . . . nothing yet!

How about this: When Brady got half his brain blown out he turned into a Democrat. You can tell because he was for gun control. Why do you think Gabby Giffords recovery was so quick? She’s a Democrat. She only had half a brain in the first place.

I hear shit like this every day. You guys don’t know how hard I am in the middle of teabaggers.

It does help to comment here, when I can.

Boojum_Reborn April 29, 2011 at 12:45 am

Syncobated?

Doktor Zoom April 29, 2011 at 1:04 am

ow. My head.

ttommyunger April 29, 2011 at 6:54 am

I'll never know; I barely have room for two at one time.

fuflans April 29, 2011 at 1:44 am

it just occured to me and you know what really sucks? all the world will be watching the royal wedding and we will probably be represented by hoverounds specially imported for the occasion.

ack.

Extemporanus April 29, 2011 at 1:49 am

Man, Barry's p-ness must be friggin' huge.

MOAR LOVEFISTS PLEEZ MRS O!!

natl_indecency_cmdr April 29, 2011 at 2:33 am

also, "trig" is the answer to 54-down.

fuflans April 29, 2011 at 2:39 am

i really hope SOMEONE is liveblogging the royal wedding as i must to bed.

sallysubterfuge April 29, 2011 at 2:52 am

And to think all this time I was fixated on her amazing arms.

smokefilledroommate April 29, 2011 at 4:36 am

Three hands, warm heart.

BarackMyWorld April 29, 2011 at 5:56 am

Terrorist fist-bump indeed.

4TheTurnstiles April 29, 2011 at 6:30 am

I don't care about her prostheses… Michelle is still damned fine. She can feed me organic arugula anytime she wants.

BaldarTFlagass April 29, 2011 at 8:13 am

♫ I know a cat named Way-Out Barry,
Got a cool little chick named Rocking Shelly.
She can walk and stroll and Susie Q
And do that crazy hand jive, too.♪

Monsieur_Grumpe April 29, 2011 at 8:52 am

Hopey is one lucky dude.

MarionNYNY April 29, 2011 at 8:53 am

I remember during the election, people were always saying there was "something" about her they didn't like. That must have been it.

horsedreamer_1 April 29, 2011 at 8:57 am

Hands across the neck of America.

James Michael Curley April 29, 2011 at 9:00 am

You'll also notice that the plane has no wings.

jus_wonderin April 29, 2011 at 9:23 am

Hey, so what? Sarah has two faces.

HELisforHEL April 29, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Oh dear. Thank you Riley–thank you for the most hysterical post I have seen all week. I'm crying in my drab gray cubicle of sadness. But lo, these are tears of joy at the sheer awesomness of this post.
I desperately needed the laugh. I'm certain we all did. THANK YEW!!!

Negropolis April 30, 2011 at 2:10 am

Just like.

DashboardBuddha April 28, 2011 at 8:37 pm

Hey…don't pick on me.

RadioAfterbirther April 28, 2011 at 8:58 pm

I'll bet prison guard at the LA County Jail ain't no picnic.

Angry_Marmot April 29, 2011 at 4:42 am

Special ed teachers, after a day of meetings with parents and social workers.

not that Dewey April 28, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Scab!

Picket!

Don't; it might get infected.

BaldarTFlagass April 29, 2011 at 8:06 am

How 'bout security guard on the midnight shift at the Buckhead GA IHOP?

ttommyunger May 1, 2011 at 3:33 pm

OK then!

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