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All in the Family.Fox News has some hot Internet search results for you Royal Wedding fans of “princess Diana death photos.” It turns out that when bored gullible people get riled up by the entertainment-news media about the bloodline of some inbred Bavarians being ritualistically continued in a terrifying televised ceremony, Cyber Crime follows the voyeuristic mob like starving orphans in a Dickens’ tale. Some random Computer Security Experts tells Fox News, “It’s very important for consumers to enjoy it — it is a joyous occasion, after all — but be careful. They’re preying on people.” Very important, true. But the Royals are always preying on people. Isn’t that the whole point of having some random family tree of genetic mutations ruling over 62 million people because the Saxon Boar King Thiedericus of Liesgau smote Ceengør of Ålk in the summer of 953 near modern-day Blankenburg?

So what should the housebound on their Hoverounds worry about, when looking for “prince Charles age” or the aforementioned “princess Diana death photos” when watching the festivities in faraway England while realizing the span of time between Charles and Diana’s 1981 royal wedding and tomorrow’s somber freak show covers the entire span of worthwhile life for the vast majority of Americans? What should people do, in this country, while comprehending for the first time that there’s not much left beyond the crushing reality of another few years of pain and immobility followed by the black void of death?

Be careful of Internet scams, that’s what! Apparently most of the Internet is now dedicated to “malicious websites” about Will and Kate’s sexy ceremony, such as Fox News and the BBC. Everyone should avoid these sites as they are full of the cybercrime.

Again, from this Fox News story that also throws in a bunch of Harry Potter language because why not, that’s all the average Fox News viewer knows of “Merry Olde England” anyway:

So those researching royalty should be prepared for the boiling cauldron of online cyberscams, warned Helen Malani, Symantec’s Norton Cybercrime Education Expert. “There are huge crowds online, and where crowds go, pickpockets follow,” Malani told “We’ve been tracking it since February, and over 2,000 malicious sites have already been created,” she warned.

The company has discovered a massive upswing in so-called “search engine poisoning,” or the intentional creation of misleading and oftentimes downright dangerous websites intended to guide the gullible off track. Symantec found a surge in all sorts of malicious online activity related to such poisoning, such as spam designed to steal personal information and links to harmful sites hidden in search engine results.

So if Paul Ryan doesn’t steal your Medicare prescription card, the Russian hackers will! [Fox News]

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