And Then Barack Obama Released His Birth Certificate

by Jack Stuef

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!The White House gathered the press this morning as usual and just passed out the president’s birth certificate. And then that was it. It’s here. The full thing. Long-form. Signed by the doctor. Etc. President Obama finally just asked Hawaii for the thing, and Hawaii finally just gave it to him. According to the document, no twin or triplet was born. The mother had no occupation. Her residence was not a farm or plantation. Here it is. The president of the United States has given into the trolls. What do you even say at a moment like this? “The President’s hope is that with this step, we can move on to debating the bigger issues that matter to the American people and the future of the country.” He’s right: issues like, why did it take three whole days for his mother to sign the birth certificate? What are these strange “x” marks and penciled-in numbers everywhere? And why did it take somebody so powerful so long to buy a fake long-form birth certificate?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

From the official release:

The President believed the distraction over his birth certificate wasn’t good for the country. It may have been good politics and good TV, but it was bad for the American people and distracting from the many challenges we face as a country. Therefore, the President directed his counsel to review the legal authority for seeking access to the long form certificate and to request on that basis that the Hawaii State Department of Health make an exception to release a copy of his long form birth certificate. They granted that exception in part because of the tremendous volume of requests they had been getting.

Is this really happening? This is really happening. Lolz. Welcome to America, Barry. You are now a full citizen.

The document looks pretty much exactly like this long-form Hawaiian birth certificate from the era that was put up on WorldNetDaily just weeks ago to show everyone what they were after. And now they have it. (Or, more accurately, WND finally gave the White House a template document to pull off THE GREATEST CRIME IN AMERICAN HISTORY.)

So, Donald Trump? Will he hold a press conference and just melt? Or does he press on like a true patriot, demanding to see Obama’s hospital band, which, oh, he removed it from his wrist some time between 1961 and now, how convenient.

In conclusion, fake fake faaaaaake FAKE FAKE FAKE. [White House]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 279 comments }

GunToting[Redacted] April 27, 2011 at 9:51 am

Stick a fork in us; we're done.

ArmoredBore April 27, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Pfff, you wish. I'm bracing myself for the wave of Teahadists metamorphosing from illiterate boobs who can barely operate the 'puter to Photoshop experts claiming THIS is faked. Just like how they went from "not being interested in politics" before they heard of Obama to Constitutional scholars after.

Lost_Teabaggers April 27, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Yeah, they're far from over…remember the Clinton years? Useless investigation after useless investigation, wild conspiracy after wild conspiracy. No matter how many Obama knocks down, two more will take its place. Remember, when the Vince Foster "curious" death was debunked, our intrepid flying monkeys replaced it with the Ron Brown "incident" (the hilarious conspiracy being someone shot him in the head AND THEN crashed the plane for good measure) and finally, the wingnut piece de resistance, "The Clinton Chronicles". So, while Barry has debunked the nuts for now…the next one to surface will be his mafia donship/murder of his own mother (so he could blame it on health insurers, hmmmmm) which will finish up with of course, the worldwide caliphate/ UBL thingy (because crazy classics still make wingnuts horny).

Dashboard_Jesus April 28, 2011 at 12:58 am

"No matter how many Obama knocks down, two more will take its place" I LOVE whack-a-mole!

jdoleman April 27, 2011 at 9:51 am

Anyone want a second hand copy of this?
http://www.amazon.com/Wheres-Birth-Certificate-El

comrad_darkness April 27, 2011 at 10:13 am

Is that a book about McCain?

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 10:28 am

AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Couldn't happen to a more deserving tool.

GOPCrusher April 27, 2011 at 1:02 pm

I'll bet that there are a few facepalms out there from people that were stupid enough to buy it.

Lost_Teabaggers April 27, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Hah! Jerome Corsi and the rest of the racist er…fascist er…birther conspiracy buffs are probably crying and masturbating over their worst fear coming to pass.

4tehlulz_lite April 27, 2011 at 9:52 am

This is a shop. I know from the pixels and from having seen many shops in my time.

weejee April 27, 2011 at 9:56 am

You mean it's pixelater than we think?

Romesick April 27, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Chet Kincaid April 27, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Should have put that on the Shroud Of Turin.

emmelemm April 27, 2011 at 5:54 pm

ZOMG priceless! Love it.

Failure_Artist April 27, 2011 at 6:48 pm

Hmm, the creator of this "translated" shop into deceptions. I always thought the shop in that joke referred to actually shops, as if there were physical locations where people can purchase photoshoped images.

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 9:11 pm

"referred to actually shops, as if there were physical locations where people can purchase photoshoped images."

Sort of like "the feminists" is a formal organization that has meetings and issues cards to its members.

Dashboard_Jesus April 28, 2011 at 1:30 am

now THAT is a major fucking win sir/ madam! *golf clap*

GuyClinch April 27, 2011 at 9:53 am

Sure enough, just checked in on the Fux News comments, and it's full of birthers saying it's obviously fake. Thought the story was big before?

LesPaultard April 27, 2011 at 10:04 am

Playing in those comments is fun. They're easy to infuriate.

Dashboard_Jesus April 28, 2011 at 1:41 am

thank gawd someone enjoys it, I can't even imagine the massive amount of stupid that must be on display there

GOPCrusher April 27, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Of course they are saying it's fake. They've devoted a lot of hate and rage for the last couple of years on this subject. Now they just look like a bunch of racists.

Dashboard_Jesus April 28, 2011 at 1:42 am

look like?

Barb April 27, 2011 at 9:53 am

Now what will they bitch about?
I wonder when Martin Luther King imagined the first black President, if he thought he'd be a half-Hawaiian metrosexual?

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 9:59 am

Nah, he probably figured it'd be someone like Charles Barkley. If he had known who Charles Barkley was.

Or Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

natoslug April 27, 2011 at 10:13 am

Well, now those of us on the left can start bitching about how he's playing to the lowest common denominator. Next, he'll be caving into demands to see his bris certificate.

REEL AMERKKA DOZ NOT NEGOSHYAYT WIF TURRISTSS!!!!!!!!!11111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IMPEECH NAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!ONE!!!!!ELEVENTY!!!!!!!!!!!!

(actually, I should probably not be vocalizing so early in the morning — I actually have a Japanese girl named Nao sleeping on my floor, and she's going to be confused)

Dr_Zoidberg April 27, 2011 at 10:17 am

Do we want to know why you have a Japanese girl sleeping on your floor, or is this a common occurrence with you?

natoslug April 27, 2011 at 10:25 am

If it were a Japanese woman sleeping on my floor, I'd rather it become common. Sadly, the girl-child is just having a sleepover (FOR THE ENTIRE FRIGGIN' EASTER BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!1), so there are spare children lying around the living room. One of the challenges of telecommuting.

So, anyone need some freshly-harvested organs?

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 10:46 am

Thanks for spoiling my early morning vicarious fantasy, Nato.

harry_palmer April 27, 2011 at 10:24 am

You should be living in the moment (Nao), the Republitards will still be with us later.

Poindexter718 April 27, 2011 at 9:54 am

OK, Donald, the ball's in your court: time to produce your Mitosis Certificat­e.

CrankyLttlCamperette April 27, 2011 at 9:55 am

Anyone else feel a little piece of themselves die?

skoalrebel April 27, 2011 at 10:09 am

I thought so at first, but then I realized I just farted.

Andrew Drinker April 27, 2011 at 10:12 am

Are you kidding me? This is great! Hopefully the world ends a little bit sooner, and more quickly and less painfully!

And now I feel better about calling birthers out as the racist pigfuck scum that they are.

fuflans April 27, 2011 at 10:15 am

yes.

Naked_Bunny April 27, 2011 at 11:06 am

Every. Goddamn. Day.

Ohforcripessake April 27, 2011 at 4:07 pm

OMG what an asshole! Add this to his long list of caving to the wrong side! Jeebus!

tcaalaw April 27, 2011 at 9:55 am

You know who else regrettably gave into a pack of baying loonies out of a mistaken impression that satisfying their demands was possible?

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 9:58 am

"There's no pleasing some people."

"That's just what Jesus said!"

SenileAgitation April 27, 2011 at 10:11 am

Neville Chamberlain?

natoslug April 27, 2011 at 10:14 am

Me, every morning, with my kids?

kissawookiee April 27, 2011 at 10:15 am

Scar?

TheMightyHaltor April 27, 2011 at 10:21 am

Hindenburg?

Naked_Bunny April 27, 2011 at 11:30 am

Isn't that why Newell went to Gawker?

GOPCrusher April 27, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Baron Von Frankenstein?

dancesw_cougars April 27, 2011 at 2:57 pm

I'm with you there, you're talking about Lady Gaga's famous man junk, aren't you?

ChessieNefercat April 27, 2011 at 6:04 pm

"You know who else regrettably gave into a pack of baying loonies out of a mistaken impression that satisfying their demands was possible? "

Any random parent?

facehead April 27, 2011 at 9:55 am

YOU CALL THAT A LONG FORM?!?!? OBVIOUSLY IT ISN'T LONG ENOUGH!!!!!!!! WHERE'S ALL THE INFORMATION ABOUT THE CONSPIRACY?!?!?!?!?!!

natoslug April 27, 2011 at 10:15 am

With all the comments about Barry's size and girth, that certificate should be at least 48"

Naked_Bunny April 27, 2011 at 11:09 am

I wanted the birth certificate penned on vellum with a quill.

hollywooddood April 27, 2011 at 9:55 am

The Donald has already said it should have been released a long time ago. And then he said blah, blah, blah.

Hera Sent Me April 27, 2011 at 9:56 am

By releasing his birth certificate today, Obama breathes life into Donald Trump's campaign for the GOP nomination. That is bad news for the Republicans and therefore good news for Obama.

It was a brilliant tactical move, and so be prepared for a protracted gust of GOP carping ("Why did it take so long?", etc.), as they dimly perceive how they've been played for saps.

CapeClod April 27, 2011 at 10:10 am

I tend to think that you are right. I think that this has less to do with caving in and more to do with showing what a bunch of fucking nuts the Right is.

Dr_Zoidberg April 27, 2011 at 10:18 am

I'm going to cling to that hope.

Andrew Drinker April 27, 2011 at 10:16 am

Oh geez, the right-wingers are posting exactly that on CNN's comments. "What took so long durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr". What took so long? Um, the legally-acceptable version was released years ago.

I'm still waiting for proof that GWB fulfilled his obligation to the National Guard and didn't go AWOL.

Naked_Bunny April 27, 2011 at 11:11 am

This is where I scream "Dan Rather", correct?

Andrew Drinker April 27, 2011 at 11:21 am

Ding ding ding ding ding!!!!!!!!!

Johnny, tell Bunny what she's won!

comrad_darkness April 27, 2011 at 10:24 am

I agree. This was a parliamentary-style move to make your opponents reveal their true colors.

jqheywood April 27, 2011 at 12:01 pm

a parliamentary-style move

a P-Funk move? Maybe a spaceship descending on stage?

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Just the sort of "urban" tactic they expected.

Although, I would like to see George Clinton run on a ticket with Hilary.

horsedreamer_1 April 27, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Not the same funk, but I seem to recall seeing footage of Roger Clinton performing "Thank U (4 Lettin Me B Mice Elf Ag'in)" in North Korea. Might have been '97? I don't know. I was seventeen… & messed up on drugs.*

*Mountain Dew.

Naked_Bunny April 27, 2011 at 11:13 am

To be fair, Trump is now the only Republican who has accomplished something this year that didn't involve screwing over the middle class, the poor, the orphans, and the very Earth itself.

Poindexter718 April 27, 2011 at 9:56 am

Yeah, but note that the fields for "Loves Jesus?" and "Loves Amurika?" have been whited out.

natoslug April 27, 2011 at 10:16 am

That's because he loves White Jesus and White Amurika so much.

arihaya April 27, 2011 at 9:56 am

the right-wingnuts will find a way to BLAME Obama for this in 3… 2… 1…

WinterOuthouse April 27, 2011 at 9:56 am

I bet they won't be able to show us the soiled gloves, sheets and placenta? Where is the umbilical cord? Where's the foreskin? Where's the home movie of the alleged birth? This is NOT over.

JoeBiteme April 27, 2011 at 9:57 am

Yet again, the stupid kid in class has taken our fucking lunch money. FML.

Texan_Bulldog April 27, 2011 at 10:04 am

And given us a wedgie in the cafeteria.

kissawookiee April 27, 2011 at 10:16 am

Stop hitting yourself… stop hitting yourself… stop hitting yourself…

Gunner Asch April 27, 2011 at 11:52 am

Ooh! A new vocabulary acronym! If it weren't for Wonkette I wouldn't be much more current than "FUBAR".

samsuncle April 27, 2011 at 9:57 am

All this will amount to is just more fuel for the birther fire. Barry will never ever change their simple minds over this issue.

Serolf_Divad April 27, 2011 at 9:57 am

Not long-form enough.

arihaya April 27, 2011 at 9:59 am

Obama has something that is "long enough" tough ….

CliveWarren April 27, 2011 at 10:12 am

Too long, didn't read…

johnnymeatworth April 27, 2011 at 10:13 am

I'm waiting for the version Jack Kerouac typed on butcher paper.

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 9:57 am

Honolulu? Ain't that about halfway between Nairobi and Mombasa?

Andrew Drinker April 27, 2011 at 10:17 am

Geography is elitist!

memzilla April 27, 2011 at 9:57 am

Say, you know which other pack of braying a**hats insisted on proof of birth for its members… ?

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 10:04 am

Myself, I never equated the SS or Gestapo with "braying asshats"; more along the lines of "sinister, evil mofos."

Andrew Drinker April 27, 2011 at 10:19 am

Oh, don't be fooled…the very beginning of the NSDAP was pretty much a bunch of drunken redneck braying asshats from rural Bavaria.

ThundercatHo April 27, 2011 at 10:10 am

The DAR?

trampndirtdown April 27, 2011 at 10:12 am

The Bene Gesserit?

jqheywood April 27, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Gives new meaning to "Bible Spice" now doesn't it?

natoslug April 27, 2011 at 10:19 am

The assholes at the Post Office, when I went to get my passport? (hint: make sure your parents fill out the name portion when you're born rather than leaving it blank so that you can fill it out when you turn 18 or 21 or 43, or life is a pain in the ass when it comes to legal documents).

CalamityJames April 27, 2011 at 11:35 am

Mickey Mouse Club?

Buckminster April 27, 2011 at 1:12 pm

The Ancient Order of Hibernians?

GuyClinch April 27, 2011 at 9:59 am

Meh, it'll probably increase. Here's a well reasoned comment posted on the Fox News site: I believed Obama was a citizen–until this morning! Has anyone seen the low res image that the White House released? It's laughable. This is smoke and mirrors–this guy was NOT born in Hi.

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 10:02 am

Maybe the guy needs to upgrade his Commodore 128's monitor and video card.

Andrew Drinker April 27, 2011 at 10:14 am

Only elitists have Commodore 128s. VIC-20 FOREVAH!

mayor_quimby April 27, 2011 at 1:32 pm

If only he had an Amiga 500, he could see it in 4096 colors (H.A.M. mode only)

V572..whatever April 27, 2011 at 10:28 am

It looks really clear on my XT with the Hercules graphics card.

natoslug April 27, 2011 at 11:09 am

You people make me feel young again — I'm not the only one to have gone through the original Commodore line once I convinced my parents that the Interact 16 just wasn't enough computing power.

Gunner Asch April 27, 2011 at 11:37 am

I dabbled in the computer biz in 1978 by buying a batch of North Star Horizon kits and soldering all the components on all the myriad cards (S100 bus, 4k memory cards). It was pretty much the most powerful computer you could get at the time, all 8-bit Z80 worth running on North Star DOS. CP/M was still in the nebulous future. I was fortunate to get them sold before technology raced on by. They ran some $4k plus for about 1/1000th of the computer power in your cell phone.

Dashboard_Jesus April 28, 2011 at 1:48 am

wow, that sounds awesome (and I have no fucking idea what you just said!)

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 9:14 pm

So that's who has my old Kaypro.

samsuncle April 27, 2011 at 10:00 am

needs more zeros after the decimal.

KobayashiMaru April 27, 2011 at 10:01 am

Call me crazy, but damn, this is good news for John McCain.

horsedreamer_1 April 27, 2011 at 11:15 am

& Meghan Mc Cain's Daily Best column now writes itself.

metamarcisf April 27, 2011 at 10:01 am

I have analyzed this certificate and have concluded that it is an obvious fakeroo. It is more obvious than ever that this president is illegal and an alien. Joseph Farah has surely been vindicated.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 27, 2011 at 10:02 am

This simply proves that Obama is a craven appeaser who caves in to packs of trolls, and therefore is not worthy of being Pretzeldent.

And that he's probably from Kenya. Also.

Update! This is a huge win for Donald Trump. After all these years of controversy, finally The Donald brings it to an end, by forcing the President to deliver what America™ has long demanded.

Trump for the G.O.P.! (And vicey versy, of course.)
~

natoslug April 27, 2011 at 10:20 am

Never Forget: He's also half-black, and has yet to repudiate his darker half.

problemwithcaring April 27, 2011 at 5:49 pm

I am willing engage in real informed criticisms of the President's policy, but this comment proves that it doesn't matter what he does, you will say that his actions have led to the end of the world as we know it. If Obama takes a shit, you complain about how it empowers the Republicans. How about you shut the fuck up, and watch the Obama administration: you may learn a thing or two about politics.

snoopyfan2010 April 27, 2011 at 7:32 pm

I gave you a thumbs up for courage. There is a lot of mean girl behavior on the Wonkette sometimes.

arihaya April 27, 2011 at 10:02 am

let's predict what is on WND tomorrow: claim that the long-form is fake, and the real one is written in Swahili

Selfish_T April 27, 2011 at 10:02 am

@SarahPalinUSA is on it, telling her followers to STAY FOCUSED on important issues and NOT BE DISTRACTED by Obama's constant rattling on about his birth certificate.

I hate her so much.

trampndirtdown April 27, 2011 at 10:13 am

Who?

Texan_Bulldog April 27, 2011 at 10:14 am

'Important issues' being send SarahPAC money!

SenileAgitation April 27, 2011 at 10:19 am

Sarah Palin is a proven failure.

FAILED Vice Presidential candidate
FAILED Governor of Alaska
FAILED television travel show hostess
FAILED parent

Why do you hate failure?

fuflans April 27, 2011 at 10:20 am

T

comrad_darkness April 27, 2011 at 10:43 am

Shorter Palin: The news cycle isn't about me me me me me! WAAAAAAH

Schmannnity April 27, 2011 at 10:02 am

For die-hard birthers, it will obviously be taken as a fake because no further information is given about the mother or father like whether they are also brother, sister, or cousin.

weejee April 27, 2011 at 10:02 am

Teatard Nation will see this as the biggest cave-in ever, Boner will get overcome by this huge victory and refuse to bring the bill to raise the debt ceiling to the House floor causing the economy to asplode.

We are doomed.

memzilla April 27, 2011 at 10:02 am

Has anyone ever bothered to note that in every WWII movie ever made, that it was never the good guys who said "Show us your papers?"

petehammer April 27, 2011 at 11:05 am

Well, I know it isn't the same, but in Last Crusade, it was the hero who asked "Tickets please" (and then chucked the guy out the window, saying "No ticket.").

That movie was awesome.

What are we talking about again?

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 9:26 pm

"We don't need no stinkin' badges!"

ablington April 27, 2011 at 10:03 am

I don't like white people anymore.

MittsHairHelmet April 27, 2011 at 6:36 pm

anymore??

4tehlulz_lite April 27, 2011 at 10:03 am

I think he's proud of making the cancer America has been suffering into a terminal case.

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 10:13 am

Metastasis complete!!!

SorosBot April 27, 2011 at 10:03 am

Fuck Obama for doing this. All it does is encourage them.

vulpes82 April 27, 2011 at 10:07 am

I think that's the point. Let them keep baying about birf certificuts.

JoeBiteme April 27, 2011 at 10:10 am

Co-signed. The media can all jerk each other off with talk about the "brilliant" strategy deployed by the White House, but this resolves nothing and only serves to embolden the nutters.

Chillwaver April 27, 2011 at 10:11 am

Exactly, he had no reason to cave in like this. You can't cure stupid and crazy.

Mumbletypeg April 27, 2011 at 10:29 am

C'mon don't blame the message. Blame the warped, decrepit, hissyfit'n message derailers.

* but I do understand the frustration. I have to will myself to resist caving in to this sort of frustration, when either the decision to-or-not-to-release would've hardly quelled the fount of stoopid that is birtherism — that is out of my hands; it seems a lose-lose, so I let them cancel eachother out and say: Fine.

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 9:29 pm

"All it does is encourage them."

Meh *shrug* six of one, half a dozen of the other.
If he didn't show it, they'd never shut up about "what is he hiding?"
Now that he's shown it, they're pretty much equally un-shut-up-able.

Poindexter718 April 27, 2011 at 10:04 am

Trump: "I'm very satisfied though I gotta say, based on my previous experience with The Blacks, I had expected Obama's to be longer."

waltergoober April 27, 2011 at 10:04 am

Nice try, Nobama. Where's Hawaii's Certificate of Statehood?

MittsHairHelmet April 27, 2011 at 10:05 am

Still a muslin.

natoslug April 27, 2011 at 10:22 am

The sheet he has to put up with . . .

wegot2dobetter April 27, 2011 at 10:05 am

Very sad. It's 2011, and we just made our president show us his papers.

hagajim April 27, 2011 at 10:49 am

Why not…they do it to people in Arizona every day. I guess Barry better keep that with him when he makes a campaign swing through Phoenix.

anti0aquabudda April 27, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Heaven forbid people show papers to vote, obtain a drivers license, obtain social security checks, obtain welfare checks, etc. ….. What the HELL will the citizens require next…. the federal government to actually balance the budget? Bastards!!!

ChessieNefercat April 27, 2011 at 6:11 pm

What a moron you are. He. showed. the. paper. Years ago. The same exact document Hawaii provides to anyone born there who requests one. Not his fault that knuckle dragging racist cretins refused to accept it.

Actual intelligent citizens realized this years ago.

deanbooth April 27, 2011 at 10:05 am

Address: 123 Fake Street

This is as phony as one of those TV magic queers!

CapeClod April 27, 2011 at 10:07 am

Given that there is vast amounts of evidence that Barry attends services in the Baptist faith and the wingnuts still claim that he is a Muslim, this isn't likely to satisfy the inbred mouth breathers anytime soon.

FNMA April 27, 2011 at 10:08 am

A day hardly passes without me saying this, out loud, at least a dozen times, but it seems appropriate at this juncture.
For fuck's sake.
That's all I got.

WinterOuthouse April 27, 2011 at 10:08 am

This is your ass. This is a hole in the ground. See the difference? No. I didn't think you would.

Republitards.

anti0aquabudda April 27, 2011 at 3:48 pm

What are you talking about… Hillary Clinton was the original birther.

Eve8Apples April 27, 2011 at 10:09 am

The birth places of "Honolulu" and "Oahu" sound awful Kenyan to me. I'm just sayin'….

LeAlbatross April 27, 2011 at 10:09 am

Thank you. I ain't saying anything others aren't thinking.

Mumbletypeg April 27, 2011 at 10:19 am

No but you said it quite nicely. And, glad you didn't take it to mean I was fisting the prospect of your deportation. That was the part where I switched from weeping to laughing.

Serolf_Divad April 27, 2011 at 10:09 am

NOW I see why obama was blocking the release of this document all this time. Just look at line 24:

"Distinguishing features: birth mark resembling the numerals 666."

RodneyBadger April 27, 2011 at 10:09 am

For lulz the President should have handed out Trig's. Another opportunity missed.

anti0aquabudda April 27, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Still trying to trash on a handicapped child? Nice!

RodneyBadger April 27, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Explain how I tried to trashed Trig. Oh, you can't. That's because you are a fucking idiot.

Zombie_Reagan April 27, 2011 at 10:10 am

Terrible move by the Administration. This only recognizes the (totally false) Birfer claims.

petehammer April 27, 2011 at 11:08 am

Disagree. That's what they've tried to do but I think they have to recognize that 45% (45%!!!!) of Republicans believe he wasn't born here. Now he can put this out and say "You guys are such unbelievable idiots." I truly think that moderates will now look at the remaining birthers and think "hmmm… that side of the aisle sure seems racist-y."

anti0aquabudda April 27, 2011 at 4:20 pm

The original birther was Hillary Clinton. Are you saying she is a racist?

vulpes82 April 27, 2011 at 10:10 am

So if you're a loon, this just makes room for another conspiracy theory. If you're one of those wishy-washy idiots who thought, "I don't really know, but maybe there's something to it." you shrug and say, "Okay, whatever." If you're a commie, it's "Damn it, Obama, stop caving!!!!" Personally, I think he knows it won't convince the loons, but it'll mollify the idiots, and let the Republican party sink deeper an deeper into Trumpian lunacy.

Chillwaver April 27, 2011 at 10:10 am

"So that settles it, then?" asked the rational one…

Troubledog April 27, 2011 at 10:10 am

Where does it say how big his cock is? That's how we know he's a Kenyan.

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 10:16 am

Or his 26-mile times.

Troubledog April 27, 2011 at 10:27 am

Or his exceptionally high quality coffee beans.

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 10:34 am

Or his Kenya Land and Freedom Army (Mau Mau) ID card.

MonkeyMan8 April 27, 2011 at 10:10 am

Bammers is obviously just angling for a big load of birthday gifts. Only 99 shopping days left until he turns 50.

politics_nerd April 27, 2011 at 10:11 am

Big mistake…. Should have released it closer to the election, like in the summertime. By then the birthers would have been in a big frothy Santorum and then you release the LFBC and they get egg all over their delightful little fat faces. Among other things.

Allmighty_Manos April 27, 2011 at 10:11 am

Real stupid. Wait till Trump gets the GOP nod THEN release the birth certificate. Obama needs some Chicago-style schooling in political tactics.

BTWBFDIMHO April 27, 2011 at 10:12 am

It's not too long because the reverse is the circumcision certificate.

gef05 April 27, 2011 at 10:13 am

Palin/Trump 2012

Kill me now.

comrad_darkness April 27, 2011 at 10:50 am

Clearly, you are not in the comedic business.

MinAgain April 27, 2011 at 10:13 am

That's the long form? Looks pretty short to me. Of course, you know how men are…always exaggerating the size of things.

DahBoner April 27, 2011 at 12:35 pm

That's why women are bad at estimating size…

Badonkadonkette April 27, 2011 at 10:13 am

I know we all loved watching the Teatards twist themselves into knots over this while Obamar stayed above the fray, but he will be judged the winner in this for being mature enough to decide to end the controversy for the greater good, and in so doing, make the Teatards' standard "I'm not a racist, but…" disclaimer sound even more offensively stupid and transparent.

I just wish he'd waited til Trump clinched the GOP nomination.

James Michael Curley April 27, 2011 at 10:48 am

But what happens when Romney clinches and he can't produce anything, from any state, nation or 42nd Street "Get Legal Identification Papers Here" stores.

loulouroo April 27, 2011 at 10:52 am

I wish I could believe that this will end the controversy, but I'm not that optimistic. They're already screaming "FAKE!".

Terry April 27, 2011 at 10:14 am

In addition to assuming this is a fake, the tea baggers will rant about Obama's father being not just a foreigner, but and African. At least the African rant gets them closer to admitting their core issue…that the President has the nerve to be black.

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 10:18 am

Plus, his mother's name is Stanley. That's not a chick name!!!

Doktor Zoom April 27, 2011 at 10:14 am

OK, but when is he going to release the really REAL real long-form birth certificate?

Also, I note that this is simply a PDF file. It is most assuredly not an actual birth certificate on my computer, which is all that good patriotic Real white Americans have been asking for. When is Obama going to let all of us who have doubts examine the actual document on our home computers?

lingin April 27, 2011 at 10:14 am

Why is it an issue where President Obama was born? If one parent is an American citizen (and his mother was) then any children are American citizens.

Of course if they're talking about the "natural born" stipulation (whatever the hell that is; if any presidential candidate was delivered by a C-section would that disqualify him/her?) then I guess we can have that conversation regarding clauses in the Constitution's amendments. "Well-regulated militia" anyone?

Andrew Drinker April 27, 2011 at 10:43 am

See: Arthur, Chester A.

comrad_darkness April 27, 2011 at 10:49 am

Artificial insemination is also problematic. It would disqualify Jesus.

Doktor Zoom April 27, 2011 at 11:02 am

As would the First Amendment, I assume.

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 9:59 pm

"Why is it an issue where President Obama was born? If one parent is an American citizen (and his mother was) then any children are American citizens. "

Oh, right: the skin, the skin; I keep forgetting. — Dr. Zoidberg

harry_palmer April 27, 2011 at 10:15 am

Glad we got that behind us so we can get to the important business of caving to them on Medicare and SSI cuts.

EatsBabyDingos April 27, 2011 at 10:15 am

News Flash: Hawai'i not a state. Deeded by King Kummoniwannalaya in 1943 to Fiji.

ThundercatHo April 27, 2011 at 10:15 am

Where's Jeebus' long form, bitches?

DahBoner April 27, 2011 at 12:38 pm

At the Hawaii Department of Health. Anyone can walk in off the street and look at it.

What else ya got?

//Cleans teeth with a toothpick…

comrad_darkness April 27, 2011 at 10:15 am

People who believe their God planted 30 billion billion billion trilobite fossils in the rock of the earth to test their faith can formulate pretty much any old twisted reality they want. Got a lot of practice at it.

CliveWarren April 27, 2011 at 10:15 am

Those are Arabic numerals!1!!1

comrad_darkness April 27, 2011 at 10:35 am

Ha ha. win.

Chillwaver April 27, 2011 at 10:15 am

Is this GOOD or BAD news for "The Donnie"?

GunToting[Redacted] April 27, 2011 at 10:16 am

SnowSnookie just twatted her respect for Trump forcing the whitehouse's hand. We're through the looking glass here, people!

iburl April 27, 2011 at 10:16 am

Sorry, I won't accept that he's an American without his circumcision certificate. Besides, my uncle Bubba assured me that he snuck into the records office and stole that birf certificate and burned it, for America.

walstib April 27, 2011 at 10:16 am

Obvs a fake.

Hawaii don't do green.

Fucking mokes…

mookwrthwilson April 27, 2011 at 10:17 am

Now I want to see the Bird Certificate!!!

politics_nerd April 27, 2011 at 10:17 am

Lets all go to World Net Daily dot com and tap our fingers on our desks, smiling, and waiting.

deanbooth April 27, 2011 at 10:18 am

The Swift-birthing will continue. The "Obama is Other" meme is soaking in, and people won't remember why they believe it. These are the same people who wore purple heart bandaids at the 2004 Rep. convention.

comrad_darkness April 27, 2011 at 10:46 am

While bowing down to an elitist draft-dodger. Cognitive dissonance for the win.

Tundra Grifter April 27, 2011 at 11:38 am

deanbooth: "Swift-Birthing" is very good. Is that original? WIN !!!

deanbooth April 27, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Yes, original. Thanks. The birther book just out is written by the same guy who wrote the swiftboat book.

James Michael Curley April 27, 2011 at 12:29 pm

I have had the pleasure of verbally abusing some of them as they were circulating those to delagates in my state and they proudly proclaimed their participation.
Viet Vet who stood with John Kerry on the mall in April 1971 – forty forking years ago!

jdoleman April 27, 2011 at 10:18 am

Just noticed that fathers occupation on birth certificate is "KGB Agent"

Dr_Zoidberg April 27, 2011 at 10:19 am

Rowr!

lilblacktombo April 27, 2011 at 10:19 am

yeah, but now elmobama won't show us the bert certificate

FNMA April 27, 2011 at 10:19 am

I was sort of hoping that Obama would appear before the press and go all Sheriff Bart on them. "'Cuse me while I whip this out."

Moonbat April 27, 2011 at 10:34 am

I've been waiting for that since he was elected. I'm going to be so disappointed when it never happens.

DahBoner April 27, 2011 at 12:40 pm

"Oooh! You really are gifted!"

Dr_Zoidberg April 27, 2011 at 10:20 am

Oh, man, I can see this being posited in the next day or so.

Andrew Drinker April 27, 2011 at 10:21 am

I see you're not familiar with the scientific Theory Of Trump Ego. It is related to the Theory Of Palin Martyrdom. Anything and everything that gains a certain threshold of attention can be funneled into one or both.

kissawookiee April 27, 2011 at 10:22 am

One of my favorite birfer… arguments? statements? logorrhoeic projectile spewings? is that they will not be satisfied until they have personally examined the document with their own eyes and held it in their own sweaty fingers. I imagine by the time it's been passed around several times, the Cheetoh-and-Skoal stains will have obliterated every identifying mark so badly we'll all have to concede it's fake. And that's only after Alabama.

unclejeems April 27, 2011 at 10:22 am

My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over.

fuflans April 27, 2011 at 10:23 am

yeah!! now they will be quiet.

right?

Andrew Drinker April 27, 2011 at 10:23 am

Boycott Dole Pineapple!

BTWBFDIMHO April 27, 2011 at 10:27 am

I opened it in photoshop and it's full of pixels, so it's fake!! I gonna post it on WorldNetDaily.

tribbzthesquidz April 27, 2011 at 10:31 am

Why won't he release his social security number? What's he hiding? Just sayin'…

LetUsBray April 27, 2011 at 10:36 am

AND the pin number to his ATM card. What's up with that, heenngh?

SorosBot April 27, 2011 at 10:40 am

PIN stands for Personal Identification Number; when you say "pin number", you're saying "personal identification number number". It's just plain wrong, like "ATM machine".

Doktor Zoom April 27, 2011 at 10:42 am

Elitist.

widestanceroman April 27, 2011 at 10:47 am

Thank you.

UPC code.

Also.

LetUsBray April 27, 2011 at 10:48 am

Is it too late to say I was intentionally spoofing the wingnuts' illiteracy?

comrad_darkness April 27, 2011 at 10:54 am

We know you really meant it.

widestanceroman April 27, 2011 at 12:07 pm

I understood it to be not a factual term, so youse OK.

Naked_Bunny April 27, 2011 at 11:22 am

The correct phrase is "PIN number code".

horsedreamer_1 April 27, 2011 at 11:16 pm

I get around that by calling it a TYME* machine. I gun my checking account to 88 whenever I'm at the strip-club.

*Take Your Money Everywhere. Might be just a Wisconsin & Minnesota thing, from the early/mid 90s.

simplyblue7 April 27, 2011 at 10:31 am

What is this fancy strange writtin'? Oh wait, it's anglesh.

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 10:32 am

Win. That better garner you supermegafists.

notreelyhelping April 27, 2011 at 10:32 am

I still hear distant voices shouting: "Burn her! She's a witch!"

Doktor Zoom April 27, 2011 at 10:34 am

In other news, the American Federation of Sideshows and Carnival Barkers announced that it resents its membership being compared to Donald Trump.

mrblifil April 27, 2011 at 10:34 am

Dan Rather, it's your comeback moment…

BZ1 April 27, 2011 at 10:35 am

That sound you hear is Orly's, the Donald's and teatard heads blowing up everywhere…

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 10:10 pm

We should be so lucky.

James Michael Curley April 27, 2011 at 10:35 am

He still needs to show us why he has no circumcision certificate.

Doktor Zoom April 27, 2011 at 10:36 am

Alaskunt

Barb April 27, 2011 at 10:39 am

Thank you! well said.

Chet Kincaid April 27, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Pay up! Limeylizzie still owns the trademark on that word.

GregComlish April 27, 2011 at 10:40 am

Wow, I just felt the psychic energy of millions of birthers getting all frothy pissed off that NOBAMA released a "fake" birth certificate. They are in high gear.

I don't know how this credential is any more solid that the previous one. It still says "Certificate of Live Birth" not "Official LONG FORM Birth Certificate"

I suppose it won't change anything, but it does provide us with an opportunity to emphasize what a bunch of ignorant conspiratorial racists the birthers are. And we should embrace that opportunity.

Thurman Munster IV April 27, 2011 at 10:41 am

You call that long? Tee-hee

comrad_darkness April 27, 2011 at 10:45 am

Wait, a conspiracy where Trump is doing some shadowy strategic organization's bidding?? Meh.

crybabyboehner April 27, 2011 at 10:45 am

That phony baloney seal of authentication won't fool anybody.

GOP to Obama: "You're still not the emboss of me."

Andrew Drinker April 27, 2011 at 10:47 am

Mmmmm that is pure, unadulterated hardcore pr0n. Mmmmmm……

Wadisay April 27, 2011 at 10:47 am

Thank God now we can all move on to more important issues, like, why is he a secret Muslim, why does he want to establish the Dictatorship of the Proletariat, and does William Ayers control his brain through psychokinesis.

comrad_darkness April 27, 2011 at 10:52 am

Oh my god. 1961. I feel so fucking old.

Gold_ManSacks April 27, 2011 at 10:56 am

The Constitutions says "No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President." Hussain wasn't born for 200 years after the adoption of the constitution. Throw that commie-muslin-fascist-african out.

horsedreamer_1 April 27, 2011 at 11:57 am

Prepared for… Undead Presidents.

Even allowing for the two terms limits, zombies of Washington thru Jackson will get us to 2075 or so.

Gold_ManSacks April 27, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Would Zombie Jefferson dig up and rape the corpses of his slaves or would he find new women to rape?

Also, no Jackson, without any Injuns left to kill he wouldn't know what to do.

horsedreamer_1 April 27, 2011 at 11:19 pm

Zombie Jefferson is clearly not a scrub, so he would go for Zombie Left-eye Lopez.

& I think Jackson would make do "forcing" the Pakistanis to unleash the Islamic Bomb on New Delhi.

petehammer April 27, 2011 at 11:00 am

A guy posted on Amazon that he had cancelled his order for the unreleased Corsi book ("Where's the birth certificate" hahahahahaha)… and then followed up with: "now where are his transcripts and medical records???"

I'm not that old, but what I realized in my time is that idiots remain idiots.

Naked_Bunny April 27, 2011 at 11:08 am

Still waiting for GWB's service records.

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 9:15 pm

I hope you brought a bag of lunch; this might be awhile.

prommie April 27, 2011 at 11:07 am

Its got proportional spacing, they didn't have proportional spacing in 1961! Dan Rather is behind this obvious fake. And where's the footprint? Footprint, or GTFO.

horsedreamer_1 April 27, 2011 at 11:13 am

"It was either that, or Mohammad".

Naked_Bunny April 27, 2011 at 11:17 am

When will Obama prove he didn't blow up the WTC?

Naked_Bunny April 27, 2011 at 11:18 am

That can't be real. It doesn't mention the horns and tail.

Naked_Bunny April 27, 2011 at 11:29 am

Also, "Kapiolani" is an obvious made-up word.

horsedreamer_1 April 27, 2011 at 11:20 am

This is obviously the White House showing they have done the math & realized there is no chance of SCROTUS overturning the Arizona birther law. & Obama needs to be on all fifty state ballots.

Tundra Grifter April 27, 2011 at 11:33 am

I wish Donald Chump has demanded Mr. Obama explain the lyrics to "Whiter Shade of Pale."

Cool song – but I've never been able to figure out what the hell they are singing about.

schvitzatura April 28, 2011 at 1:52 am

First draft of opening of WSoP:

We skipped the light mazurka
turned Berani flips 'cross the floor

mormos April 27, 2011 at 11:34 am

Goddamn anchor babies!

Fuck Toad April 27, 2011 at 11:40 am

Sen. Vreenak (R-Romulus) responds to the news:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ljq0mYbqyqc

m_supercomputer April 27, 2011 at 11:45 am

My first thought was, "ugh, Barry, you released this way too early in the election cycle." Then I realized that I'd read/listened to so much pseudo-savvy shallow electioneering tactical bullshit that it was starting to *eat my brain,* and only narrowly restrained myself from jumping out of a window.

PuckStopsHere April 27, 2011 at 11:47 am

Donald Trum is ALWAYS very proud of himself, duh.

aguacatero April 27, 2011 at 11:47 am

I: FULLY expect that conservatives, having been proved wrong on birtherism, will be fairminded enough to revisit their opinions about climate change.

widestanceroman April 27, 2011 at 12:04 pm

I proofread for a living and you have no idea how many times I've had to threaten to have one of my rages over PIN number. Good to know there are other language soldiers out there.

Limeylizzie April 27, 2011 at 12:40 pm

So, I go to the gym, come back and this has happened! I think it is a stroke of genius, he has proven that fully 2/3rds of the GOP are barking mad and racists to boot . Well played , sir.

zappadoo76 April 27, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Why did Preznit Obama take so long to release this thing? Is he just a natural born prick teaser or what? Henngh?

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum April 27, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Brilliant!

Chet Kincaid April 27, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Next: Making A Big Fucking Deal About The Time Obama Spent In Pakistan.

DangerHelvetica April 27, 2011 at 2:43 pm

"The president ought to spend his time getting serious about repairing our economy," Priebus said. "Unfortunately his campaign politics and talk about birth certificates is distracting him from our number one priority — our economy."

chascates April 27, 2011 at 2:59 pm

RedState's Erik son of Erik sez:
Barack Obama is going to release his long form birth certificate. For several years now, he has used this issue as a way to paint those who oppose him as crazy, racist extremists.

pacifistgunman April 27, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Having no birth certificate didn't prevent Jeebus from getting nailed on a hot-cross bun.

axmxz April 27, 2011 at 4:31 pm

No mention of Reptiloid DNA donor. I call fake.

June_Cleaver2.0 April 27, 2011 at 4:42 pm

I want to see the circumsion certificate. And if he doesn't have that, then I must insist I inspect the circumsion. I'll have wine on hand, nice music. Michelle not .. ur.. invited? .. for this official inspection.

problemwithcaring April 27, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Right nutters: FAKE!!!
Left nutters: CAVE!!!

emmelemm April 27, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Just adding: well put.

Distractions, distractions, distractions. SQUIRREL!

ChessieNefercat April 27, 2011 at 6:15 pm

And GRE exam.

snoopyfan2010 April 27, 2011 at 7:36 pm

So, I was outside walking and I saw a bunch of yippy little white dogs attacking a pit bull….couldn't believe they weren't tired of playing their stuipd game yet.

comrad_darkness April 27, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Second term.

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Response by birthers that the document they've been screaming for since January 2009, and have now finally had handed to them on a silver platter, isn't *really* the thing they wanted, in
3…
2…

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 9:22 pm

"Trump has responded "Today I'm very proud of myself, because I've accomplished something that no one else has been able to accomplish,""

I'm not sure that having one's bluff called can be called an accomplishment, and it's actually something of a commonplace event.

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Potential buyer: Hmm, I don't know…
Homer: What do you mean, you don't know? You said you wanted an elephant. This is an elephant.
Potential buyer: Wellll… It is, and it isn't.

[they just showed this ep yesterday]

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Bob who is not a birther, not a troll, and not ashamed of America, must be fapping himself to death right about now.

LibrulEleet April 27, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Two can play this game, though. What was Seward's real motive for purchasing Alaska?

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 10:07 pm

+ 1000

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Also too.

horsedreamer_1 April 27, 2011 at 11:07 pm

This gives Larry Flynt an idea for Nailin' Palin: Three's a Crowd.

portermelmoth April 28, 2011 at 12:08 am

I won't believe this document is valid until Dan Rather tells me it is.

schvitzatura April 28, 2011 at 1:30 am

A pre-downfisted into oblivion comment observed in the wild is as rare as hen's teeth!

Concern troll is concerned!

anti0aquabudda April 28, 2011 at 11:30 am

Notice though you couldn't even respond to the ACTUAL question, but had to deflect. Well done Troll!!

keepintime1592 April 29, 2011 at 8:38 am

But Sister Sarah said he spent millions trying to cover up the evidence of his obviously faked birth. Sure hope he can get a refund or something. Seems only fair.

natoslug April 27, 2011 at 10:58 am

I'm going to be 43 in a few days. Fourteen is about twenty years too young for me, if only because even in fantasy I'd like to be able to have something in common to talk about. "Oh baby, yeah, touch me there . . . oh yeah, rub harder, eventually that knee will bend!"

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