IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  9:12 am April 27, 2011

Trump Asked For White House Job, Wanted To Build Obama a Ballroom

by Riley Waggaman

How do you go from 'I will build you a free ballroom!' to 'where is the bird certificate?'

  • What did Donald Trump use to do for “fun,” before he started accusing Barack Obama of being a Kenyan space lizard with lousy SAT scores? Oh, you know, he would drunk dial David Axelrod and beg him for a job, of course. Zounds! Probably best to take a pinch from the snuff box before you proceed. Ready for this?: Donald Trump contacted David Axelrod in June and asked “to be put in charge of the operation in the gulf to seal the oil leak.” (Haha, he wanted to “fire” all of the sea creatures, probably, and watch as they burst into flames. Because that’s what happens when you mix fire and oil-soaked dead baby dolphins.) Anyway, historians tell us that Donald Trump was not put in charge of butt-plugging the oil leak, because Obama knew that would have been an impeachable offense. In a different embarrassing exchange, Donald told Axelrod, “I will build you, free of charge, one of the great ballrooms of the world.” Yes, he wanted to build the White House a ballroom that would “cost maybe $100 million,” completely for free. Aww. Donald Trump is a schizophrenic. [WaPo]
  • The weather Insanity in the South continues: “Baseball-sized hail” has been pummeling Arkansas, and Missouri’s levees are just about ready to explode. Please stay safe, everyone! [CNN]
  • An alleged al-Qaeda militant suspected of blowing up hotels and churches in Pakistan was (is?) an informant for MI6, the spooky British Secret Intelligence Service. Who are we fighting again? [BBC]
 
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{ 91 comments }

Barb April 27, 2011 at 9:13 am

Let's hope that America isn't the fourth venture Donald Trump bankrupts.

Rosie_Scenario April 27, 2011 at 10:56 am

Too late. Dubya beat him to it.

glamourdammerung April 27, 2011 at 1:10 pm

He has had four bankruptcies at this point.

Chet Kincaid April 27, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Trump has had four bankruptcies in the last HOUR.

Negropolis April 27, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Most of them moral bankruptcies.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 27, 2011 at 9:16 am

Probably best to take a pinch from the snuff box before you proceed.

Come on, Riley. You can break out the jar of weed for us. We're your friends!
~

DaRooster April 27, 2011 at 12:31 pm

I need Oxy to deal with that Trump guy… to much pain in the membrane.

lefty74 April 27, 2011 at 9:18 am

More bankrupsies than failed marriages.
No wonder the right loves him!

Barb April 27, 2011 at 9:21 am

Is anyone better off than they were four wives ago?

catchtheflava April 27, 2011 at 9:18 am

I thought Trump was doing all this because he offered Barack a million dollars for a night with Michelle. And was REJECTED.

skoalrebel April 27, 2011 at 9:19 am

Trump should build a grass hut for that Kenyan.

I wonder if he'd help rebuild my meth lab. We had a little explosion the other day.

tcaalaw April 27, 2011 at 9:19 am

What, no coverage about the long form birth certificate release?
http://www.businessweek.com/news/2011-04-27/white

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 9:35 am

Wait a minute! That font didn't exist in 1961! Fire Dan Rather!!

Texan_Bulldog April 27, 2011 at 9:19 am

All they had to do was stuff Donald head first into the blowout. Seems like his hair would have absorbed all that oil & the baby dolphins would be alive now. Why does Barry hate the Gulf Coast? Oh, Haley Barbour & Bobby Jindal, got it!

Monsieur_Grumpe April 27, 2011 at 9:19 am

“I will build you, free of charge, one of the great ballrooms of the world.” Sounds like a pickup line in a geriatric clinic.

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 9:20 am

The name's Bond, Muhammad Bond.

freakishlywrong April 27, 2011 at 9:20 am

Well, Trump won. The vaunted Long Form was released this a.m. I'm ashamed of this country, of wingnuts, and Donald Trump should be spit on at every opportunity. What a disgrace. This, of course, will not shut them up. He could dye his hair blonde and bleach himself and these awful racists would still bray.

Dr_Zoidberg April 27, 2011 at 9:28 am

Unfortunately, you're pretty accurate. I wish that the birth certificate hadn't been released at all…but maybe the asinine birthers will finally shut the hell up.

freakishlywrong April 27, 2011 at 9:34 am

What he released was sufficient for every white mother fucking President we've ever had. They'll never stop.

Dr_Zoidberg April 27, 2011 at 9:45 am

Damn right. I don't recall this kind of bullshit with any presidents in my lifetime (42 years). Why don't these asswipes just come out and admit they're racist?

BobSalem April 27, 2011 at 9:53 am

The really funny part of all this is the fact the Trump is not a Republican and has supported the dumocraps most of his life and has donated much, much more money to the dumocraps. Hillary Clinton started all the questions about his birth certificate, not the Republicans yet all you people claim it is the right wing birthers.

SorosBot April 27, 2011 at 10:00 am

Nice job just flat-out lying again! Clinton had nothing to do with that. But hey, we can't expect much in the way of facts from someone who actually denies the proven reality of global warming.

BobSalem April 27, 2011 at 10:10 am

You are the one flat out lying here. Or are you simply trying to rewrite history as usual? Billary was the one all over Obummer during the dumocraps primary and now she didn’t start the questioning about it. Very comical that you would even try to deny it. However is it not unexpected from libpuke. And as for global warming issue, you are nothing but a fool and a tool box.

SorosBot April 27, 2011 at 9:32 am

All this will do is encourage them; next he'll release his college transcripts, and they'll demand his first grade report cards.

mumbly_joe April 27, 2011 at 9:45 am

BUT IT STILL SEZ CERTIFICATE OF LIVE BIRTH NOT BIRTH CERTIFICATE #justforinstance

NorthStarSpanx April 27, 2011 at 9:20 am

Yeah, why wouldn't the most powerful office building in the land take a free-of-charge $50 million ballroom from a thrice-bankrupted Realtor?

Build a golf course in Ireland and then get back to us, The Donald.

Captain_Quark April 27, 2011 at 9:20 am

So, Donald T. Rump wants to plug a hole. How is this not buttsex at the bottom of the sea?

bureaucrap April 27, 2011 at 9:20 am

It MUST be a forgery – it's too authentic-looking. There's simply no possible way a person named HUSSEIN could be born in the United States.

Dr_Zoidberg April 27, 2011 at 9:29 am

That's what I'm thinking. It was photoshopped!!!

El Pinche April 27, 2011 at 9:51 am

We're assuming he was even born at all. You guys are thinking like you were state educcated or somthing.

Thurman Munster IV April 27, 2011 at 9:21 am

Meanwhile: http://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/rss
Looks like the crazies will need a new conspiracy to chase

WinterOuthouse April 27, 2011 at 9:21 am

Axelrod was right to deny the Donald access. He just wanted to snoop around in the First Lady's unmentionables.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 27, 2011 at 9:22 am

OT of your OT, or maybe not… http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-132

Dr_Zoidberg April 27, 2011 at 9:29 am

I saw that – kinda disappointing.

not that Dewey April 27, 2011 at 10:28 am

I know some of the people on that project; it's very sad. They designed some really revolutionary antenna feeds. I'm not sure their goal was very worthy, but there were some hella smart people working on it.

NorthStarSpanx April 27, 2011 at 9:22 am

Curious how the weather insanity quickly brings out demands for Big Government.

And a health scare.

And a corporate swindle.

And a foreclosure.

And a pothole.

And a single toll lane open on Easter.

WinterOuthouse April 27, 2011 at 9:24 am

sTrumpet got his feelings hurt. In typical middle school fashion, he decided to be mean to the President by running against him on trumped up charges.

SorosBot April 27, 2011 at 9:24 am

No.

WinterOuthouse April 27, 2011 at 9:24 am

Nope. They won't know if it is real or a really really good fake

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 9:32 am

Given their response to the Kenyan birth certificate that Oily Taint pulled out of her snatch last year, they can't even tell the difference between real and really really bad fakes.

ManchuCandidate April 27, 2011 at 9:24 am

Hell hath no racist stupidity like a short fingered vulgarian scorned.

ttommyunger April 27, 2011 at 10:46 am

Buchanan was in this piece, too?

neiltheblaze April 27, 2011 at 9:25 am

Sarah Palin is swiftly losing her Diva Crown as the nation's most whiney attention whore. She's been Trumped.

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 9:25 am

I guess that when those levees break, those folks in Missouri gonna have no place to stay. It's enough to make a mountain man leave his home.

natoslug April 27, 2011 at 11:44 am

Alas, it's the Will of God. Who could have foreseen bad weather or a globally changing climate? If only they'd prayed harder.

arihaya April 27, 2011 at 9:25 am

if Trump was the president during the leak:

"Gulf of Mexico sounds foreign, invading it may be the best option."

BaldarTFlagass April 27, 2011 at 9:26 am

"Great ballrooms of the world."

I can't name one.

ManchuCandidate April 27, 2011 at 9:27 am

The Hellfire Club? Oh you mean for dancing…

Pragmatist2 April 27, 2011 at 9:29 am

Don't worry, Huffpo will have a slideshow later in the day.
They will steal it from someone else's site.

deanbooth April 27, 2011 at 9:46 am

Miss Scarlet, with the candlestick?

natoslug April 27, 2011 at 11:44 am

My bedroom.

freddymcmurray April 28, 2011 at 9:20 am

You didn't watch Bristol dance? Pshaw.

CapeClod April 27, 2011 at 9:26 am

At first I thought, "How could you spend $100 million on something and still have it come out looking cheap and tacky?" then I remembered that they spent $1 billion on Cowboys Stadium and got the same results.

SorosBot April 27, 2011 at 9:27 am

As the South is the home to most of the nation's global warming denialists, and they're now facing serious consequences of the global warming that is actually happening right now, would it be wrong to laugh at their suffering?

anniegetyerfun April 27, 2011 at 9:27 am

Haha, the Onion's article about impending blood storms is actually really fucking right on the nose, then.

Pragmatist2 April 27, 2011 at 9:28 am

"Ballroom" as in – "the room where Donald Trump would store the massive balls it takes for him to think he is in any way qualified to be President?"

Schmannnity April 27, 2011 at 9:30 am

I believe Clinton's balling room will suffice.

harry_palmer April 27, 2011 at 9:32 am

“I will build you, free of charge, one of the great ballrooms of the world.”

Not getting his wish sparked his Presidential ambition, sort of like Lincoln when they wouldn't outlaw slavery.

tribbzthesquidz April 27, 2011 at 9:32 am

If you can't join 'em, fuck 'em.

samsuncle April 27, 2011 at 9:33 am

If bullshit were music then Trump would be a brass band.

ManchuCandidate April 27, 2011 at 9:38 am

Nah. He would be Kenny G–bland and stupid but for reasons unknown wildly popular among fat white people.

x111e7thst April 27, 2011 at 9:34 am

Who are we fighting again?
We have always been at war with Fantasia.

harry_palmer April 27, 2011 at 9:35 am

When Obama turned him down he offered to build Mitt some magic underwear. "These will have all the ballroonm in the world."

Schmannnity April 27, 2011 at 9:35 am

Obama has just released his long form birth certificate. Trump to demand SAT scores.

mumbly_joe April 27, 2011 at 9:37 am

Who are we fighting again?

Ourselves, always and forever.

DaRooster April 27, 2011 at 9:37 am

“Baseball-sized hail”

Hey, since no one can truly afford to play games/sports anymore… this comes in handy.
"Where'd ya git thet ball Billy Ray Bob?
"Theys jus fallin' from the sky Ma"

tribbzthesquidz April 27, 2011 at 9:42 am

Where's the placenta?!

4tehlulz_lite April 27, 2011 at 9:43 am

SHOW US YOUR AFTERBIRTH OBAMA

DaRooster April 27, 2011 at 9:44 am

Donald thinks a "ballroom" is where you find your next wife… and EVERYONE needs a new ballroom.

A ballroom? Dude it is not 1883… why don't offer to build something worthwhile; soup kitchen, homeless shelter, ball fields for kids in the south to play Hail Ball… douche.

4tehlulz_lite April 27, 2011 at 9:45 am

OMG ITS THE BIRTHERNACHT

tcaalaw April 27, 2011 at 9:53 am

Nah, it's Birthermorgen.

randcoolcatdaddy April 27, 2011 at 9:45 am

And I'll bet he offered to build Bill Clinton a ballroom…

hollywooddood April 27, 2011 at 9:45 am

What's wrong with building a ballroom for the blacks?

JackDempsey1 April 27, 2011 at 9:45 am

This promised ballroom is a backdoor way to save PBS.
Once Joe Public gets a load of our new waltzing mecca, the demand for Lawrence Welk re-runs will go through the roof.

WinterOuthouse April 27, 2011 at 9:47 am

This 'baseball sized hail' is that one of those message-y thing-ys that God sends when He's mad about something? Or does that just happen when it hits the White House?

It's God's message when it happens to someone else. It's a weather event when it happens to you.

WinterOuthouse April 27, 2011 at 9:48 am

Where's the home movie of his mother in the stirrups screaming?

WinterOuthouse April 27, 2011 at 9:49 am

Where's the home movie of him being conceived?

ttommyunger April 27, 2011 at 10:49 am

pornhub.com

DaSandman April 27, 2011 at 10:08 am

Ah, he isn't the perfect candidate yet. Multiple bankrupcies, check. Multiple wives, check. Parking lot butt sex with 12 year old rent boys? No video yet.

kissawookiee April 27, 2011 at 10:23 am

You know how your dog whines and whines and whines and you finally give him a biscuit because you just can't stand the whining any more? Does that shut him up? Only as long as it takes him to chew and swallow. Then it just gets louder.

emmelemm April 27, 2011 at 6:11 pm

I'm late to reading this morning thread, but I HAVE to say: best analogy ever!

(Also: "Shut up, Shadow! I mean it!!")

SorosBot April 27, 2011 at 10:27 am

He released his legal birth certificate three years ago, moron.

BobSalem April 27, 2011 at 10:32 am

liar and a fool. I am starting to believe you really are an attorney.

natoslug April 27, 2011 at 11:25 am

Arguing with the shitwit just encourages it. Although if it is cathartic for you, please continue. I just hate seeing it smear it's feces all over the drapes, and it does a lousy job licking it all clean.

AJW@[redacted] April 27, 2011 at 10:34 am

FAKE! "African" is not a race!!1!

Negropolis April 27, 2011 at 10:13 pm

You try to tell that to a birther. Hell, I'm sure they probably still call us Ethiopes.

mrblifil April 27, 2011 at 10:41 am

Pretty sure the WH already has a ballroom. Why can't Trump offer something useful, like an Advanced Center for Practicing Infanticide or some such?

BobSalem April 27, 2011 at 11:58 am

Ah shucks now, aren’t all you asswipes special (special needs that is). If you assholes pulled your heads out of your asses and smelled what you assholes are shoveling all the time you would realize that you assholes are all neck deep in your own shit piles. I am still ROFLMAO at the possibility you could be an attorney.

doloras April 27, 2011 at 6:40 pm

"aren’t all you asswipes special (special needs that is)"

QUIT MAKING FUN OF TRIG ;-(

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum April 27, 2011 at 2:41 pm

That wasn't "baseball sized hail" in Arkansas. The Mariners' bullpen was just having an unusually rough outing.

SorosBot April 27, 2011 at 10:16 am

Billary? Obummer? Dumocraps? Libpuke? Man, you are even dumber than usual when you try to be funny. And here you are again, proving you are a moron by denying proven science. Tell me, do you believe in creationism / "intelligent design" too? How about denying heliocentrism, or claiming Earth is flat?

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