HIS SENSEI CANNOT BE PROUD  11:27 am April 26, 2011

Chuck Norris Commits Plagiarism In His Column All the Time

by Jack Stuef

Not an English professor in this, we guess?Yesterday, we were writing a joke about Chuck Norris copy-and-pasting other people’s “information” into his column when we realized, yes, this is probably exactly what he did. We checked, and, what do you know, he did plagiarize parts of that op-ed. Is it surprising the man who’s responsible for stuff like this isn’t exactly intellectually honest? No. But it is rather surprising he got this by Creators Syndicate, which, despite the man being known for kicking rather than rousing political commentary, manages to place his column in actual newspapers and also crappy conservative websites like WoldNetDaily, Townhall, NewsBusters, the American Family Association, and Human Events. And it’s even more surprising considering Chuck Norris plagiarizes in his column hilariously often, according to today’s WONKETTE INVESTIGATION.

We have yet to receive comment from Norris or Creators Syndicate on yesterday’s column, which already appears on the websites of WND, the AFA, and Townhall. NewsBusters, which has yet to post it on their site, said they would contact Creators Syndicate and “suggest they have a problem.” Will Creators Syndicate stand up to Norris and ask him to explain himself? Or does his reputation strike fear into their hearts? We’ll have to see.

We’ve only made it through the columns published by Norris in the past two months or so, but it’s pretty clear he doesn’t see any problem with lifting the writing of others to fill out his inane viewpoints.

Compare this paragraph from his April 18 column:

President Barack Obama’s adviser on Muslim affairs, Dalia Mogahed, appeared on a British television show hosted by a member of an extremist group to talk about Shariah law. Miss Mogahed said the Western view of Shariah was “oversimplified” and that the majority of women around the world associate it with “gender justice.”

To this 2009 news article in the Daily Telegraph:

President Barack Obama’s adviser on Muslim affairs, Dalia Mogahed, has provoked controversy by appearing on a British television show hosted by a member of an extremist group to talk about Sharia Law.

Miss Mogahed [...] said the Western view of Sharia was “oversimplified” and the majority of women around the world associate it with “gender justice”.

Compare this selection from Norris’ February 14 column:

The Arabic studies program, funded by a five-year, $1.3 million Foreign Language Assistance Program federal grant, was to begin this semester at Cross Timbers Intermediate School in Mansfield School District, then spread to neighboring Davis Elementary and Howard Middle schools in the fall and to Summit High School by fall 2012.

To this paragraph from an article that appeared in the Mansfield News Mirror days before:

The Arabic studies program, funded by a federal five-year $1.3 million Foreign Language Assistance Program (FLAP) grant, was to begin this semester at Cross Timbers, then spread to Davis Elementary and Howard Middle Schools in the fall and to Summit High school by the fall of 2012.

But sometimes the martial artist gets so bored writing his political column that he plagiarizes himself. The first half of his February 28 column on communist teachers indoctrinating our children (setting aside the truth of that assertion) appears to be new material. But the second half is lifted entirely from the chapter “Calling All Millenials!” in his 2008 New York Times bestselling book Black Belt Patriotism.

Starting at “There’s something the U.S. government and unions don’t want you to know,” Norris copy-and-pasted six straight paragraphs from his book, changing around a few words along the way to try to protect himself, we guess. But then a seventh paragraph is announced as an excerpt from the book. Not only is Norris dumb enough to plagiarize, he’s consistently dumb enough to point to just exactly where he’s lifting material.

We really think Chuck Norris should give up his ridiculously bad op-eds and stick to stuff like this:

Or, kicking. He’s good at kicking, at least!

 
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{ 122 comments }

slithytoves April 26, 2011 at 11:31 am

You guys should just run this shit through Turnitin.

Lascauxcaveman April 26, 2011 at 11:57 am

Chuck is just one of those, whadayacallits, a "content aggregator." Very hi-tech, web-techy, 2.oh type stuff.

OneDollarJuana April 26, 2011 at 11:32 am

I'm guessing that this column is an example of one time that Chuck was stumped asked to "punch it up".

WinterOuthouse April 26, 2011 at 11:32 am

He can't help it. He's Walker Texas Ranger Republican Extraordinaire he must spout talking points even though he is unable to form a coherent sentence without cue cards. It's hard to be kicked in the head over an over and over and over and over and over again and not be completely right of center.

Fare la Volpe April 26, 2011 at 11:46 am

Then what's Victoria Jackson's excuse?

neiltheblaze April 26, 2011 at 11:51 am

She was punch-drunk at birth.

imissopus April 26, 2011 at 12:06 pm

According to Alan West, she's a woman.

SorosBot April 26, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Cumulative head trauma from all times her car flew off the cliff when she let her cat drive.

Boojum_Reborn April 26, 2011 at 1:01 pm

She thinks with her fart box?

Captain_Quark April 26, 2011 at 11:32 am

Chuck Norris is a fucking socialist — spreading the word wealth around like Leon Trotsky in a skimpy little MMA singlet. From the look of the outfit, you'd have to bet he's gay, too. Chuck "Commie Village Person" Norris.

$exy$murf April 26, 2011 at 11:43 am

Chuck Norris doesn't have sex with men because he's gay, but because he's already had sex with every woman.

EDIT: On second thought he's just gay.

elviouslyqueer April 26, 2011 at 11:52 am

Again, with alacrity, DO NOT WANT.

CapeClod April 26, 2011 at 11:32 am

I'm going to wait until someone posts a funny comment and then copy it and post it myself.

BaldarTFlagass April 26, 2011 at 11:35 am

I'm going to wait until someone posts a funny comment and then copy it and post it myself.

Hatrabbit April 26, 2011 at 11:36 am

I'm going to wait until someone posts a funny comment and then copy it and post it myself.

Hatrabbit April 26, 2011 at 11:46 am

BaldarTFlagass HaHa You win!

neiltheblaze April 26, 2011 at 11:53 am

I upfisted all three of these hilarious comments. Anti-Breitbart Troll patrol gets like that sometimes.

genxr April 26, 2011 at 12:50 pm

I'm copying your upfist!

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 12:06 am

Not intended to be an original sentence.

nounverb911 April 26, 2011 at 11:37 am

If Chuck Norris wasn't so pathetic he's be funny.
(Eh, not so funny either)

DangerHelvetica April 26, 2011 at 11:48 am

I'm going to pause until somebody epistulates an amusing remark and then xerox it and submit it personally.
(that'll get around those sniffing liberal pricks)

DashboardBuddha April 26, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Going to wait until someone posts a funny comment and then copy it and post it myself, I am. Hmmmmmm.

Lost_Teabaggers April 26, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Well…you could find one of your own snarky classics and repost it after altering the words slightly.

I'm not going to say Chuck Norris is lazy, but Jayson Blair, Stephen Glass, Palin, Beck and Gerald Posner all shook their heads simulataneously and said "dayum, what a lazy psycho"

Also, why the fuck is Norris plagiarizing anyone? It's not like he has anything to do all day aside from wander around in unitards and have rough sex with his rentboy, Phillipe; he's like the Peg Bundy of wingnuts.

edgydrifter April 26, 2011 at 11:32 am

Chuck Norris doesn't plagiarize. Chuck Norris writes these words in the future and then sends them backwards in time on neutrino waves propagating from his infinite consciousness so that other, lesser, writers may receive them telepathically and publish them in the past.

CZL April 26, 2011 at 11:49 am

Sounds too science-y. Jesus did it.

Native_of_SL_UT April 26, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Chuck does not plagiarize because he is omniscient.
If there were two omniscients, Chuck would be both of them.
( I plagiarized that from Devin Townsend's Ziltoid the Omniscient.)

WinterOuthouse April 26, 2011 at 11:32 am

Do you think he plagiarizes the stuff about those exercise machines?

DaRooster April 26, 2011 at 11:53 am

I must say… I own a Total Gym and it IS the best machine for me…
But I got because of Christie Brinkley… not Chuck Norris.

Barb April 26, 2011 at 11:33 am

70% of a humans weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris’ weight is his ego.

Ruhe April 26, 2011 at 11:48 am

Ugly bag of mostly Ego.

phlox✔ April 26, 2011 at 11:55 am

I see what you did there.

Doktor Zoom April 26, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Chuck Norris still hasn't denied the rumor that he killed a young Denise Crosby in 1988

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 12:08 am

"70% of a humans weight is water."

You've clearly never seen my ass.

CliveWarren April 26, 2011 at 11:33 am

The title of that youtube clip: "Walker Texas Ranger – Dream Sequence (high quality)"

I beg to differ…

nounverb911 April 26, 2011 at 11:38 am

Needs more Bobby Ewing shower sequence

JustPixelz April 26, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Was it Norris dreaming a woman would marry him? Or the woman dreaming someone would shoot him? Or was it Mike Huckabee dreaming about beards?

freakishlywrong April 26, 2011 at 11:34 am

One wonders if Paul Ryan has taken any of Chuck's "Private Lessons".

WinterOuthouse April 26, 2011 at 11:34 am

Leave it to the librul scum bag Marxists socialists communist elitist pukes to actually complain about plagiarism.

WinterOuthouse April 26, 2011 at 11:35 am

Has Norris plagiarized his RSVP to Kate and Wills' Wedding? Probably

carlgt1 April 26, 2011 at 11:36 am

Norris-gate!

I bet as payback, people will put crazy original statements in Chuck's mouth!

Boojum_Reborn April 26, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Is semen a statement?

$exy$murf April 26, 2011 at 11:36 am

Chuck is such a good actor he only needs one facial expression.

Ruhe April 26, 2011 at 11:50 am

No less an actor than Ian McKellan once said that the key for a good actor was to avoid trying to show the audience what he was feeling and simply to feel what he's feeling. In Chuck's case he's feeling his foot upside your head and whether you get his expression or not you'll be feeling it too, soon.

freakishlywrong April 26, 2011 at 11:36 am

"2008 New York Times bestselling book Black Belt Patriotism. "
You're kidding, right? Please tell me you're kidding.

JustPixelz April 26, 2011 at 12:18 pm

It's true. It was #14 week of Sept 28, 2008. Dropped off the list the next week.

trondant April 26, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Any book that comes with crayons should be ineligamable for that list.

Janinthepan April 26, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Lemme think 2008…… yeah I'd say a good majority of my male high school students were pretty obsessed with Chuck Norris. I could see them or their parents buying that book.

Rotundo_ April 26, 2011 at 6:51 pm

It's how rightwing welfare works: Get in front of cameras and babble pre digested talking points on behalf of GOP. Get book contract with Regnery or similar publisher. Think tank donations buy pallets of books which are then given away as campaign "gifts" or freebies for subscribing to shitty rightwing magazine. Remainders sold at dollar stores. Remainder not sold used to heat warehouses where books are stored by the pallet load. That way idiots who can't speak a coherent sentence "write" books with "ghost" writers and make the times list despite being utter shit. Rinse, Lather, Repeat.

Lost_Teabaggers April 26, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Ah, you beat me to the punch with that explanation….good show. Yes, they started that shit clear back in the 70's with the "News Twisters" which got the media persecution meme off and running. It's funny how long manipulating the debate through pure lies has been such a conservative calling card. It's even funnier that our media is still stupid enough to buy said tactic; also, I wonder how many Heritage doucheballs received a complimentary copy of "Going Rouge" for contributing $5.

V572..whatever April 26, 2011 at 11:37 am

I'm going to wait until someone posts a funny comment and then copy it and post it myself.

Doktor Zoom April 26, 2011 at 11:38 am

Whoa. Chuck Norris is the Cassie Edwards of right-wing punditry!

I wonder if he's written any sexy dialogue about black-footed ferrets?

BaldarTFlagass April 26, 2011 at 11:38 am

You guys better be careful or Chuck is gonna come over and fuck you up, like he did to those kids in that Mountain Dew ad.

weejee April 26, 2011 at 11:39 am

Looks like our Wonkette is giving the Chuckster an intellectual honesty ass-kicking. You go Jack!

V572..whatever April 26, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Granted, it's kind of like picking on a retard WHO CAN KICK YOUR ASS! so it's okay.

Ruhe April 26, 2011 at 11:39 am

Gaghh! That dream sequence! I just want to yell at the screen "Chuck, she's sucking you in, she's sucking you in!" and then it's to late and you see him writhing in pain as she inserts the ovipositor. Oh, Chuck, it's not your essence they want. It's just your thoracic cavity.

Chillwaver April 26, 2011 at 11:39 am

Legend has it that Chuck was a Liberal until Bruce Lee kicked his ass back in the 70's.

Lost_Teabaggers April 26, 2011 at 11:15 pm

Eh, makes sense when you consider most conservatives under their tough guy routines are just pussies frontin'. But, I thought Bruce Lee kicked Chuckie boy's ass so hard when he woke up he was a fundie….ya know, post concussion derangement; looks like he hasn't gotten any better since….

zhubajie April 26, 2011 at 11:39 pm

Really? Any film of it? Bruce Lee's films are mostly about whipping up on foreign racists.

CthuNHu April 28, 2011 at 1:19 am

Since Bruce Lee died, only two things can take Chuck Norris down hard:

1: Saying "I love you." (See video.)
2: Cursory googling by a communist panda sex blog.

GuyClinch April 26, 2011 at 11:41 am

I think this whole plagiarism thing is just how poor Norris is coping with being plagiarized himself–it must've really hurt him when Joe Miller plagiarized his beard/face-rug/whatever

Gleem_McShineys April 26, 2011 at 2:16 pm

I used to have that look

AT AGE 6 WHEN I DRESSED AS A BUM FOR HALLOWEEN

Is there such a thing as spray-on-beard?

Hatrabbit April 26, 2011 at 11:43 am

After Chuck Norris plagiarizes stuff he sues the original author for plagiarizm.

nounverb911 April 26, 2011 at 11:56 am

Just like Jerry Seinfeld.

Hatrabbit April 26, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Yeah, what's up with that?

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 12:11 am

And the guy in South Park who sued Chef and then yelled, "I AM ABOVE THE LAW!!"

Hatrabbit April 26, 2011 at 11:45 am

Hey guys, did you read Chuck Norris's new Op-Ed piece in the New Yorker:

'Chuck Norris Plagiarizes In His Column All the Time'

MittsHairHelmet April 26, 2011 at 11:45 am

Chuck Norris doesn't read other people's columns. He just stares them down until he gets the information he needs to plagiarize for his own column.

ttommyunger April 26, 2011 at 11:47 am

I refuse to believe Chuckles is a plagiarist. Why? I refuse to believe Chuckles is personally responsible for any of the drivel in his columns. I honestly don't think he could pen coherent directions for pouring piss out of a boot. BTW, why does he have to exaggerate EVERYTHING! I've been known to raise one foot a little to rip one off, maybe roll over on one cheek when I'm sitting, but that cover; that's a little much just to break wind, dontcha think? I mean, do his farts have to be knockouts, too?

zhubajie April 26, 2011 at 11:41 pm

I think you're right. But his ghost writer is also pretty stupid..

ttommyunger April 27, 2011 at 7:34 am

Or pretty paid for, prolly both.

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 12:14 am

"I've been known to raise one foot a little to rip one off, maybe roll over on one cheek when I'm sitting, but that cover; that's a little much just to break wind, dontcha think? I mean, do his farts have to be knockouts, too? "

*scoffs*
Amateur!
A Chuck Norris fart isn't just an ordinary fart. A Chuck Norris fart rattles windows for miles around, causes birds to drop to the ground in mid-flight, creates tsunamis, and has been known to disrupt the space-time continuum.

Urban_Achiever April 26, 2011 at 11:48 am

eh, this is nothing a roundhouse kick to the face couldn't solve…

DaRooster April 26, 2011 at 11:48 am

Did he go to Harvard?
Chuck Norris doesn't need to write "his own" words… he just threatens his computer and it picks out the best words written online already.

GunToting[Redacted] April 26, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Harvard was just about to accept him, but they went with a Black instead.

4TheTurnstiles April 26, 2011 at 11:49 am

This puts him in a profound spiritual dimension, on a plan with the great Eck Masters Fubbi Quantz, Dap Ren, and the literary master Peddar Zaskq. The Flutes of Chi!

Fare la Volpe April 26, 2011 at 11:50 am

His previous best seller was Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos.

Goonemeritus April 26, 2011 at 11:51 am

Chuck Norris from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.

jus_wonderin April 26, 2011 at 12:16 pm

You are going to make a very pretty star in 5, 4, 3……..

weejee April 26, 2011 at 11:52 am

Four scored and seven beers ago our fathers brought forth, a coupon for the incontinent, a new notion, conceived in puberty, and dedicated to the fact that when it comes to prostitution that all men are created equal.

Think my cutting & pasting needs moar work. Will Chuckie put out a tape on how to do this?

Boojum_Reborn April 26, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Sounds like the jacket blurb for "Atlas Shrugged."

Oblios_Cap April 26, 2011 at 11:56 am

The one positive thing that I can say about Chuck Norris is that at least he is not Ted Nugent.

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 12:15 am

Now, now, be fair.
He's also not Pauly Shore or Carrot Top.

SorosBot April 26, 2011 at 11:58 am

This shouldn't surprise anyone, since he plagiarized the Chuck Norris Facts webpage in his ads and speeched for Huckabee in the 2008 primary.

Hatrabbit April 26, 2011 at 11:59 am

Chuck Norris, you are a Pussy and I can't wait to kick your lady ass out if its 'Hello Kitty' panties.

Want a piece? You know where to find me you big Sissy-Whore

Yours sincerely,

Lindsey Graham.

CapnFatback April 26, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Just wait 'til it gets out that the Bowflex is just made up of spare Nautilus machine parts.

DashboardBuddha April 26, 2011 at 12:12 pm

You may be thinking of Chuck's wife.

BaldarTFlagass April 26, 2011 at 12:05 pm

There's nothing you can write that ain't been wrote
No one you can kick whose bell ain't been rung
Nothing you can't steal when you learn how to play the game
It's easy

Come here a minute April 26, 2011 at 12:22 pm

All you need is Chuck.

genxr April 26, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Nobody told me there'd be world net dailies like these.
Wing nuts indeed, most peculiar baby.

Terry April 26, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Chuck has probably been using a poorly paid personal assistant to write the columns for him. In this case, the personal assistant is, apparently, a high school boy.

__kth__ April 26, 2011 at 12:10 pm

I would never have guessed that a guy whose entire movie career was a series of quickie Golan-Globus low-budget knock-offs of successful action movies (Sidekicks = Karate Kid, Missing In Action = Rambo, Invasion USA = Red Dawn, Firewalker = Romancing the Stone) would try to run the same scam in the world of psychotic punditry.

Redhead April 26, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Well, when you say he plagiarized his own book, you're assuming that he wrote the book.

And I imagine you'd find the rest of those "columns" plagiarized from the comments sections on Beck's website.

Oblios_Cap April 26, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Laugh if you want, but that Norris video has made more money than Atlas Shrugged.

hagajim April 26, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Look – Chuck just figured that if Faux can just recycle whatever Rupublican talking point that Rush has hit on for the day, he might as well recycle as well. Who knew, Chuck Norris is the first greenie.

neiltheblaze April 26, 2011 at 12:16 pm

It's hard to write originally about so many received ideas. Especially if you're a cement-headed jock with no imagination.

politics_nerd April 26, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Problem: Chuck Norris is a muttering twit, and his tears actually only burn through the hull.

TheMightyHaltor April 26, 2011 at 12:24 pm

To steal from one is plagiarism. To steal from many is even more plagiarism.

Why do I love Wonkette? Because "plagiarism" and all its forms are spelled correctly in every comment they appear. What other site could make that claim?

aguacatero April 26, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Jack,
When you (rightfully) win your Pulitzer for this, you should totally turn it down to maintain your outsider status — i think there is probably a way to turn down the "prize" while keeping the "prize money."

TanzbodenKoenig April 26, 2011 at 12:27 pm

and Dane Cook

V572..whatever April 26, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Not so much for Mr Cook. Whatever the opposite of "funny" is, is what he is.

stevied111 April 26, 2011 at 12:43 pm

I swear the cover photo of the DVD pictured shows Norris about to apply some "gay pressure". Richard Simmons probably watches that with Wesson oil and tissues handy…..

proudgrampa April 26, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Chuck Norris is a dick.

Boojum_Reborn April 26, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Copy that.

Allmighty_Manos April 26, 2011 at 1:44 pm

This is like being outraged that Snooki didn't write her own memoirs.

genxr April 26, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Or that Snooki even has memoirs.

Jukesgrrl April 26, 2011 at 11:00 pm

She just has bruises and doesn't know where she got them.

LeAlbatross April 26, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Robertson *and* Norris. Two lunatics that should have taken their Zimmer-frames and gone home long ago.

mavenmaven April 26, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Nun, wir wissen, aus dem 1930er Jahren Buch, das er einige seiner Ideen bekommt …

Janinthepan April 26, 2011 at 3:21 pm

man those sting

Janinthepan April 26, 2011 at 3:27 pm

I' so glad you posted this! Have you seen the keyboard cat version?

CalamityJames April 26, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I have not, but I have seen many Keyboard Cat/ Walker Dorkus Ranger collabs, so I can only assume it adds the much-needed suspense involved with a statement like "Walker told me I have AIDS."

anniegetyerfun April 26, 2011 at 4:13 pm

He looks fat in that picture. Not just his head, either, too.

gurukalehuru April 26, 2011 at 4:25 pm

I'm going to wait until someone posts a funny comment and then copy it and post it myself.

Also, I had never before noticed the resemblance between Chuck Norris and Richard Simmons, but there it is.

thefrontpage April 26, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Chuck Norris is a Marxist lesbian illegal immigrant.

BZ1 April 26, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Does anyone really think The Chuck actually writes these columns? It's easier to have a trained stooge like, let's say, Rebecca A. Mansour…

Rotundo_ April 26, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Becky is trained? I didn't think she was house trained let alone trained in anything worthwhile. And don't use the term stooge to describe Ms. Mansour, I like the stooges, that overly hirsute walking mess shouldn't be mentioned with talents like the boys.

zhubajie April 26, 2011 at 11:40 pm

Well, if he really were a eunuch martial artist, then kicking him in the crotch wouldn't disable him….

tessiee April 27, 2011 at 12:04 am

My apologies if this offends anyone, but that picture is gayer than Gay McGayerson, the Mayor of Gayville.

Negropolis April 27, 2011 at 12:26 am

WIN

poncho_pilot April 27, 2011 at 5:31 am

or folks who have big assholes.

poncho_pilot April 27, 2011 at 5:54 am

this is how i feel about Chuck Norris: after watching him get shot my first thought was, "i guess that chick is single, now. i'd hit that."

theusualbs January 12, 2012 at 5:21 pm

"But sometimes the martial artist gets so bored writing his political column that he plagiarizes himself. The first half of his February 28 column on communist teachers indoctrinating our children (setting aside the truth of that assertion) appears to be new material. But the second half is lifted entirely from the chapter “Calling All Millenials!” in his 2008 New York Times bestselling book Black Belt Patriotism."

You cannot plagiarize your own intellectual property

"Not only is Norris dumb enough to plagiarize, he’s consistently dumb enough to point to just exactly where he’s lifting material."

Is it just me… or is that by definition not plagiarism – by definition

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