Brain-Dead Donald Suggests Obama Was Too Stupid To Go To Harvard

• Teevee's hairless harlequin Donald Trump is angry at Barack Obama and Robert De Niro, for some reason. (We all know why The Donald is furious at Obama -- no birdcertificate -- but De Niro? He said something obvious and uncontroversial, like "Donald Trump should shut his pie-hole and die.") That is a lot of anger! And now Trump will probably send his private investigators to RottenTomatoes.com, to give Robert lots of nasty reviews. But here's the juiciest new Donald scoop: Obama was a lousy student, and probably cheated his way into Harvard! "I have friends who have smart sons with great marks, great boards, great everything and they can't get into Harvard," explained Trump. "How does a bad student [Barack Obama!] go to Columbia and then to Harvard? I'm thinking about it, I'm certainly looking into it. Let him show his records." Oh gawd oh gawd oh gawd. Meanwhile, serious journalists are wondering if Trump's "brand" will benefit from a presidential run. Keep asking the tough questions, guys! [ LAT ]

• The State Department has warned all U.S. citizens in Syria to leave the country immediately. Are we gearing up for another dumb war? [ BBC ]

• Japanese farmers protested outside the headquarters of Tokyo Electric Power Co. They whined about their crops "being contaminated by radioactive sludge," or something. [ AP ]