Erick Erickson Scared To Death Fancy Young People Will Re-elect Obama

by Ken Layne

Rare video of Erick Erickson's 'rave' welcoming the Obamas to the White House in 2009.You know what keeps Erick Erickson up at night? Fear. Always. But there is another, specific kind of fear that bedevils him when fringe-right corporate mouthpiece/unwanted free publication Human Events asks for some promotional email text to send out on behalf of another Koch Brothers’ front group to rile up scared old people and convince them to actually send money for the purpose of taking away their badly needed Social Security and Medicare. When that happens, Erick Erickson is very scared of Barack Obama’s hold on the evil young people, and by “young” he means “not quite yet in their fifth decade, but getting there.” It seems these young people with their fancy liberal educations and iPhones and ethnic food and bisexuality and 401ks and Dwell subscriptions have got that Barack Obama all up in their grill. There’s a real danger that these people — pretty much the entirety of American voters 18-34 — will not suddenly support some fat white right-wing racist like Haley Barbour or whatever kochsucker ultimately gets the GOP nomination. “You know I don’t scare easily,” Erickson writes. “And that scares me.”

Wait, how would anyone know that RedState fearmonger Erick Erickson “doesn’t scare easily”? Isn’t that the whole point of conservative politics — constant insane fear-mongering about “the other” so that the stressed-out and beaten-down white working class will continue voting in small numbers, and when they do vote they’ll lean just enough on the side of corporate anti-government politics and against their own interests, again?

Here’s the top half of the email:

Yikes! Younglings like the Kenyan?

What follows is a scary chart showing that Obama’s campaign had more “Facebook friends” than John McCain back in 2008. But even poor white trash is allowed on Facebook now, so we’re guessing the ultimate deciding factor in 2012 isn’t going to be Facebook … unless Facebook starts charging $10 a year for accounts. [Human Red State Events Spam]

 

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{ 258 comments }

bureaucrap April 25, 2011 at 5:02 pm

a bieberless blingee is like a day without sunshine. Or is the lower right supposed to be the Bieber? It's hard to tell.

BTWBFDIMHO April 25, 2011 at 5:07 pm

He looks more like Keith Richards self-implanting silicones. I don't know.

weejee April 25, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Think that Bieber is way in the back, with a Sting wig, trying to backdoor Barry.

salt_bagel April 25, 2011 at 7:05 pm

I don't see a Bieber in it, but the Blingee after the jump (the one with all the text, and the blackberry and that digital picture frame) is the most inspired yet.

__kth__ April 25, 2011 at 5:03 pm

If he didn't scare easily, he wouldn't be a wingnut.

Fukui_sanYesOta April 25, 2011 at 5:06 pm

There's science to back that up.

People with strongly conservative views were three times more fearful than staunch liberals after the effects of gender, age, income and education were factored out.

No mention of alcohol consumption though.

ganmerlad April 25, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Does alcohol consumption help or hurt? Logically it seems it could go either way. (I am eying my drink suspiciously now, is why I ask)

Fukui_sanYesOta April 25, 2011 at 9:24 pm

Given the consumption reports on this here Den of Heinous Beasts, I see a correlation between snark, liberalism and booze.

/me continues drinking

ganmerlad April 25, 2011 at 10:01 pm

You have relieved my concerns and I think I will pour another. Cheers!

nicnack74 April 25, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Don't be skurrd Erick. I'm sure you and the rest of your other Red Staters will find a way to disenfranchise the youngs and coloreds in a year and a half. You have time. You have time…

Not_So_Much April 25, 2011 at 6:35 pm

gimmer back are jerbs!!1!!

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] April 25, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Those silly young voters, insisting that a political party have actual candidates they would be willing to vote for. Where do they gets these crazy notions? The MTVs? The Facebooks? The reefer cigarette parties? It is a mystery.

(Seriously though, I love that the best idea they can come up with isn't to to get behind a candidate that the youngs might be willing to support, or to lobby in favor of policies that the youngs might agree with, but to "create a dominant new conservative web site targeting voters 18-34". Yeah, good luck with that. I'm sure it will be just as effective and popular as the Times' new paywall — and probably twice as expensive.)

emmelemm April 25, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Reefer cigarette parties FTW!

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:09 am

Well, I'm convinced! I'm certainly not about to tangle with reefer addicts!

GeneralLerong April 25, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Keyword = "dominant"

Yep. 18-34's are so-o-o-o into domination by fat white male fucks with power fantasies.

Not_So_Much April 25, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Don't jump to conclusions — didn't you see the Michael Steele dancing .gif on the gop site a year or so back? The series of tubes will be their bitch with that kind of techie know-how.

neiltheblaze April 25, 2011 at 9:00 pm

It'll be as effective as Pat Boone doing metal. And as psychologically damaging.

iburl April 25, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Funny, I have the exact opposite fear. I fear that the heaping helping of centrism that Obama has ladled over America will drown whatever outpouring he got in 2008 from people (like me) who are disgusted by "politics as usual" (remember when Obama said he'd end that? Haha!) and will result in him losing one of the states he won in '08 thus dooming us to 8 years of President Baggerbanger.

Ken Layne April 25, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Me too, and you all YELL at me about it here, but I am somewhat afraid to say that the extreme nut-sack direction of the GOP is such that Obama may never even need to tack left again, because the ultimate GOP '12 ticket will be utterly insane even without the obvious teevee clowns in the race.

And once again, actual CHANGE (violent, blood-soaked revolution and a thousand years of fire) will be again drained of energy, because that energy will once again go toward the "more liberal" choice on the ballot.

CalamityJames April 25, 2011 at 6:23 pm

GAWDAMMIT KEN HOW DARE YOU oh fuck it, fire the Nigra Race Pimp.

snicker snack April 26, 2011 at 10:57 pm

Jesus, would I love to get an hour alone with that Nigra Race Pimp. You know, "once you go black…"

One_Man_Band April 25, 2011 at 6:54 pm

I, too, tire of seeing your excellent screeds get poo-poo'd by the limp dicks.

DustBowlBlues April 25, 2011 at 8:05 pm

You're two pees ahead of me, and still sucking up to the august editor.

Cicada April 25, 2011 at 8:50 pm

To be fair, this does make sense given their comment. If you really hate limp dicks, honing your fellatio skills is a proactive approach.

sezme April 25, 2011 at 7:46 pm

While I do support your call for violent blood-soaked change if that's what's necessary, I will be happy to observe it from Canada, because … yikes! Luckily, it should only be necessary to burn the houses of the richest 1% in order to free up 50% of the loot.

iburl April 25, 2011 at 10:38 pm

Thank you for confusing me.

Lost_Teabaggers April 26, 2011 at 12:28 am

Yet again I must be the sunny alternative here…damnit Ken, I hate being the optimist : cuts self slowly…ahh, now I'm alive!: okay, so here's the thing…Look at 2010: the biggest losers was the bluedog coalition which bodes well for this election. Some of the douchey senators are retiring (LIEberman, Conrad). Barry isn't going to go out and lead on policy, he just doesn't do that, but he has made some noises that at least economically he's on our side.

So, to shorten my analysis because of the damn comment word limit, essentially we have momentum thanks to the Kochsuckers in the MW and Kochsucking Randite Ryan's budget is the gift that keeps on giving. On major question after major question policy-wise the majority is on our side….all it's going to take is some hard work as activists to get the party we want. Now, let's all smoke a bowl…but don't space the election ya lazy libtards….

Negropolis April 26, 2011 at 1:07 am

He'd have to lose a helluva lot more than one states he won last time, to lose this time.

iburl April 26, 2011 at 2:12 pm

You're right. I actually feel a bit better now.

poncho_pilot April 26, 2011 at 1:15 am

8 years? i think a teahadist president could destroy America in one term. if there's one thing they are capable of it's fucking things up royally.

El Pinche April 25, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Pussy

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum April 25, 2011 at 5:04 pm

We can't afford a blowout like 2008 again

No shit. Rent boy prices are through the roof these days.

di_da_is_alpha April 25, 2011 at 5:16 pm

I wouldn't know about that. Now if you'd said gasoline prices are through the roof, I'd agree wholeheartedly.

glamourdammerung April 25, 2011 at 5:40 pm

I know you are making that up. Not just because of you being a Breitard troll, but because in order to notice gas prices, you would have to leave the house.

di_da_is_alpha April 25, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Hahahah Irony, look it up. Hahahah

glamourdammerung April 25, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Irony is more like whining about an insect mentality while trolling a website because you were told to.

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:11 am

He's also lying when he says he wouldn't know about rent boy prices.

Fare la Volpe April 25, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Oh no! You mean the US now has to pay prices comparable to the rest of the world?! We're doomed, I say! No economy can survive!!

DustBowlBlues April 25, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Whenver I fetch one of my English friends from the airport, I try to fill up the tank before I get there. If I put it off until we're on our way to my place, I see them sitting there, using their metricy little brains to calculate gallons to liters and dollars to pounds. Then I get back into the car and get the old "Why should you pay less than half what we do for petrol?" And all I have in answer is, "Because Jesus loves America best."

And they're not impressed.

OneDollarJuana April 25, 2011 at 8:22 pm

They pay twice as much because they get national health care and 5 weeks of vacation a year. We get squat. And the extra bucks we're paying now only go into rich assholes' pockets, not into the general fund to help the general public.

Lost_Teabaggers April 26, 2011 at 1:04 am

Yeah, Erick son of Erick is really mixing up his metaphors here. I'm going to take a wild guess and figure Ewick came up with this brilliant grifting scheme in the usual way: arguing with his rentboy Phillipe over the escalating price of donkey punches and blowjobs that he's charging. This is the same way all obese male conservatives come up with rhetorical schemes, the female ones are just sexually frustrated and boiling with hatred over their beard status (see Bachmann, Michelle).

Anyway, if anyone ever opens up a futures market for the price of rentboys, Erick will come over to the Keynesian side of government regulation post haste. Especially after his third arrest by the SEC for heh, heh…insider trading. Ah fuck it, the GOP has more fruits (self hating gays) in it than Whole Foods. There, point made.

gullywompr April 25, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Needz moar reenactors.

BTWBFDIMHO April 25, 2011 at 5:09 pm

You mean, nucular reenactors?

CliveWarren April 25, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Keep fucking that goat…

tcaalaw April 25, 2011 at 7:28 pm

I thought that was Mickey Kaus' job?

genxr April 25, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Geez, what do we have to do to convince these voters that a bankrupt old reality TV star would make a good President? What's with kids today?

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2011 at 5:06 pm

The young people that scare me the most are the College Republicans. It's like an old George Romero film.

V572..whatever April 25, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Aren't they weird? I had cousins who were something called "Teen-age Republicans." It didn't work out well for them.

emmelemm April 25, 2011 at 5:35 pm

And have you seen them "rap"?? {shudder}

CessnaDriver April 25, 2011 at 6:47 pm

You look at them and you know that they are going home and doing that thing where they jerk each other off.

Cause, ya know, they are too dumb to finda the bung hole.

DustBowlBlues April 25, 2011 at 8:13 pm

I'm 63, yet hipper than the Young Republicans. They must be the single most clueless, most irony free people in the country. They just don't get anything. Boring, boring, boring, even compared to me.

Geminisunmars April 25, 2011 at 8:27 pm

I beg to differ. You are never boring.

trampndirtdown April 26, 2011 at 12:07 am

Cool new avatar GSM.

Geminisunmars April 26, 2011 at 10:53 am

Thanks. All things must change.

AJW@[redacted] April 25, 2011 at 8:34 pm

I think you're core demographic for the young pubs, really. I'm 59, same boat.

petehammer April 26, 2011 at 4:44 pm

It just shows what happens when you don't get the girl you had a crush on in high school and get super, super bitter and hate everything in the world. At least, that sums up the majority of the CRs I knew (like when one told me, with disgust, that the school's "black running back" had dated his "best friend" …(this was all in a rant about welfare)).

genxr April 25, 2011 at 5:07 pm

You 34 year old kids get offa mah lawn!!!1!

ManchuCandidate April 25, 2011 at 5:07 pm

We have nothing to fear but Erik Erickson itself.

Callyson April 25, 2011 at 5:28 pm

FDR and Eleanor just gave you a huge upfist for that one

ChessieNefercat April 25, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Aw, don't give that fat, smarmy, little fuck the idea that he's fearsome! Unless of course, you meant in the ooh, I stepped in some Erik Erickson and now my shoe stinks, kind of way.

OzoneTom April 25, 2011 at 5:08 pm

I cannot reconcile this with all of the e-mails I get from Newsmax telling me that "Obama is Running Scared," and "Obama Approval Plummets," etc.

Someone's bearing false witness here.

glamourdammerung April 25, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Conservatism means never having to say you are sorry. Or consistent.

aguacatero April 25, 2011 at 5:09 pm

My fear is that both of Erick's followers will spend all their time downfisting on Wonkette and fail to rescue America from teh youngs, teh browns, teh non-obese and other threats to our freedom.

mavenmaven April 25, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Is that pasty faced piece of walking hate turd still around? Can't he just finally get laid and disappear?

bflrtsplk April 25, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Get laid? With that face?

jus_wonderin April 25, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Well, there is "face down".

LionHeartSoyDog April 25, 2011 at 6:30 pm

You said the d-word w/o 0.
(?)
wtf syndrome.

di_da_is_alpha April 25, 2011 at 5:21 pm

You must mean Julian Assange.

Callyson April 25, 2011 at 5:25 pm

No, because even hookers have their limits on what they will do…

AngryGeometer April 25, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Dude's married to Monica Goodling. So, no, and no.

DustBowlBlues April 25, 2011 at 8:20 pm

I'd forgotten her. Thanks (not) for the memories. Nightmares?

mavenmaven April 25, 2011 at 10:02 pm

I thought she was married to some other extremist? http://wonkette.com/360772/monica-goodling-to-wed

Cicada April 25, 2011 at 5:10 pm

If I was Erick Erickson, I'd be more scared of choking to death on my neck fat while I sleep. The guy is a walking CPAP advertisement.

AngryGeometer April 25, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Apneocon.

Cicada April 25, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Win!

Fukui_sanYesOta April 25, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Unbeatable.

sweetcommunist April 25, 2011 at 7:18 pm

The same adjective has been used to describe Erick Erickson's little Erick.

(This is my second wang-related comment of the day!)

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:22 am

"This is my second wang-related comment of the day!"

Slacker.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 25, 2011 at 5:10 pm

You know I don’t scare easily

I'm sure he meant that he doesn't scare easily when "Muslim" is only implied, and not directly stated.

smokefilledroommate April 25, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Nothing would attract Gen Y more than a conservative newsweekly named Human Events. Young– edgy! What up?!!

elviouslyqueer April 25, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Dear Ewick Ewickson:

Meh. Needs less pearl-clutching fear-mongering and moar fartbox tongue-punching. Is all I'm saying.

Kisses,
EQ

RadioJack April 25, 2011 at 5:11 pm

The Young Ones reunion show?

comptoneffect April 25, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Heck yeah, count me in.

doloras April 25, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Only pop music can save us now!

Toomush_Infer April 25, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Youth Anti-Sex League…..

edgydrifter April 25, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Maybe the problem is the youngs haven't been beaten down long enough and hard enough to cripple their ability to discern reality from jingoistic, trickle-down corporatist bullcrap. Give it time.

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Well, it's not for lack of trying.

Gopherit April 25, 2011 at 5:12 pm

"You know what keeps Erick Erickson up at night? Fear. Always. "

I assume you meant from indigestion, because Erickson feeds on it. I imagine him at the breast of a grotesque 3 headed she beast, Palin, Coulter, and Bachmann, and suckling at its ample, bluish, lumpy breasts, alternating between Fear (the left one) and Hate (the right).

jus_wonderin April 25, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But how'd he get the bra off??

Pithaughn April 25, 2011 at 6:18 pm

3 heads? Then the beast would have the third tit of conservaganda , self righteousness.

glamourdammerung April 25, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Which breast does feigned indignation fit on that model?

Gopherit April 25, 2011 at 6:26 pm

that would be the beast's penis.

glamourdammerung April 25, 2011 at 7:00 pm

I guess that explains all of those Freudian "forcing down our throats" comments and non-sequiturs that Erickson and company make.

Toomush_Infer April 25, 2011 at 8:40 pm

I want to see the woodcut…

glamourdammerung April 25, 2011 at 6:24 pm

I would say the guilt of making comments like how a former SCOTUS justice was a "goat fucking child molester" and actually advocating violence against people guilty of nothing more than a difference of opinion (or doing their perfectly legal jobs in the case of census workers) would keep Erickson up at night. However, that would imply enough self awareness and a conscience functional enough to be disgusted with the nauseating nonsense he spews regularly.

Billmatic April 25, 2011 at 5:13 pm

What's with the flag of the Republic of Georgia, guys? Are you looking to get assassinated by Vladimir Putin or what.

RedneckMuslin April 25, 2011 at 5:24 pm

We're all Georgians today. That's what Walnuts said anyway.

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:25 am

Which Georgia? The totalitarian backwater or the one in Russia?

Gopherit April 25, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Goddamn audacity to hope.

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Fear of the black is strong with this one.

Pragmatist2 April 25, 2011 at 5:17 pm

I think Erik actually does "scare easily." In fact, I believe he wears adult diapers in case of "accidents" caused by his "easy scaring" which is a disorder that would be left untreated under Obamacare.

Dr_Zoidberg April 25, 2011 at 5:17 pm

I want to support a fat, white, right-wing racist…there are just so many to choose from, I get confused! I need a simple pie chart (mmm..pie) to explain the differences. Otherwise, I'm gonna have to vote for the Kenyan Muslin again!

qwerty42 April 25, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Uh-oh …. "…the Obama machine…" That means dirty, dangerous Chicago Rules.

smokefilledroommate April 25, 2011 at 5:39 pm

They have an Obama machine at my local deli. Its gumballs are the best!

Poindexter718 April 25, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Send money so the GOP can hire the Winklevoss bros. as our social media consultants.
You should see their MySpace page mock-up.

genxr April 25, 2011 at 6:09 pm

They are so going to rule the social networking world… just as soon as they turn their concept into execution.

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2011 at 5:23 pm

He oughta take a closer look at Paul Ryan. Now that's a scary mofo.

jus_wonderin April 25, 2011 at 5:29 pm

I get a "holier than thou" vibe from him. As I did with Sarah.

AynWithStupid April 25, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Boo!

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Eeek!

Callyson April 25, 2011 at 5:23 pm

"Obama will win in 2012 – by reaching young voters where they live – online, with e-mail, on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and cellphones."
OMG, the 'puters are taking over! The horror!

imissopus April 25, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Skynet FT-dystopian-W!

lulzmonger April 27, 2011 at 2:39 am

"r u sarah connor? AFAF"

At last, Skynet has become self-aware … which means ANOTHER vote the GOP will never get.

Limeylizzie April 25, 2011 at 5:23 pm

I think he means he doesn't score easily.

Sassomatic April 25, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Did he just say that Barack Obama is going to get me where I live? Maybe I should get a dog.

In other news, hero now apparently means asshole boyfriend who promised he would be different.

SheriffRoscoe April 25, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Don't these kids realize that once you start letting the homos and the nigras and the spics join the party they won't want to leave? This must be a nightmare for the likes of Erick, Son Of Erick.

BarackMyWorld April 25, 2011 at 5:34 pm

But we don't want the Irish!

ganmerlad April 25, 2011 at 10:41 pm

He only has to back Grady of the Teahad who will fix that problem, and that is facts. Deportation for all the coloreds, and re-educationatory camps for the liberals. After that, nothing will ever be wrong again.

Nothingisamiss April 25, 2011 at 5:25 pm

How did you come up with that? No, seriously?! I have a girl crush on you!

Limeylizzie April 25, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Thanks, I am so ok with girl-crushes.

emmelemm April 25, 2011 at 5:40 pm

So, that's a "check" (yes, si) on the bisexualities!!

Let's see, I'm going to bet that you have a fancy liberal education, seeing as how it was in one o'those Europeen countries. Living in NY, I'm going to guess you're down with ethnic food. 401K, I'm not so sure about, since you're an artiste and all. The I-phone is at least a 50-50 safe bet, if not, then at least a "smartphone" of another flavor. Dwell subscription… I'd give 50-50 on that as well.

I think you've hit all the high points of one of those young-fanglin' Obammer supporters! Congratulations!

Limeylizzie April 25, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Well, I am north of the 18-34 demo.,Oxford University with a degree in English Lit and U of Texas at Austin for my M.A, I do have an iPhone, no 401K-very few theatres offer that feature, I have no idea what Dwell is, I am a mad ethnic food fan with Indian of the super-spicy variety being my favourite and have never ruled out the bi-sexuality even though haven't really gone there other than some furtive fumbling at my all-girls High School, but if Rachel Maddow ever called I would drop my drawers in a second.

Barb April 25, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Um, I have a Snickers bar in my purse, I think. Compared to Lizzie, I got nothing! Wait, I have a funny story!

My husband, flails his arms in his sleep and smacks me at times. In the middle of the night I felt a jab to my hip. I showed him the bruise in the morning and he was really upset by what he did by accident. Luckily, he's never accidentally hit me in the face in his sleep. He got pouty looking and walked out on the balcony that is off our bedroom. I ran after him and said, "Honey, I'd much rather take one in the butt than to ever have to take one in the face" and with that I looked down and my neighbors were looking up at me and waving. It seems that they had an Easter egg hunt for the kiddies and everyone heard what I said.

Fukui_sanYesOta April 25, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Another Oxfordian! Univ here. Now I have an even bigger crush on you.

emmelemm April 25, 2011 at 6:00 pm

For the record, Dwell is a hipster-y architecture/design magazine.

[In keeping with my Fifth Amendment rights, I refuse to elaborate on how I know that.]

ProgressiveInga April 25, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Rachel yes, but I'm so into Kate Winslet these days I'd take furtive fumbling w/ just about about anything of hers.

Ken Layne April 25, 2011 at 6:11 pm

People who live in NYC don't need Dwell. It's just beautiful modernist porn for those of us who live in architecturally barren/hideous America.

Toomush_Infer April 25, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Mmmmm,Lizzie, I just love your smart mouth….must be that English Lit degree….

RedneckMuslin April 25, 2011 at 5:25 pm

He signed it
For Freedom,
Erik

What a dick!

keepem_sikanpor April 25, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Sweaty balls personified.

Nothingisamiss April 25, 2011 at 5:26 pm

I can write retard again?!

smokefilledroommate April 25, 2011 at 5:42 pm

You've both used the 'R' word! Noooooooooooooo !

genxr April 25, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Sigh… There goes our "given up on gay men" sponsor.

weejee April 25, 2011 at 6:11 pm

It's okay. LimeyLizzie was just asking about dwell, so obviously Radio and Nothingisamiss were talking about ignition timing. If your timing is r*t*rd*d, you'll be backfiring and polluting the air just like Erick bin Erick.

edited to keep the Administrator from doing an instant delete.

Fukui_sanYesOta April 25, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Now I'm thinking of the four-stroke rubric – "Suck, squeeze, bang, blow" – which segues nicely back to Erick Erickson's desires.

OneDollarJuana April 25, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Personally, I like two-strokes because they are faster.

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:20 am

You guys, I have a rubric and didn't even know it!

RadioJack April 25, 2011 at 6:29 pm

And the downfister is fucking with our points.

weejee April 25, 2011 at 7:03 pm

'Cause like Fukui says, s/he sucks, squeezes, bangs, and then blows.

And in the particular does it to dead and rotting camels found two clicks outside of this intellectual oasis in a sea of redtards.

jus_wonderin April 25, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Here's how I voted in 2008. Is this person NOT a Republican? I did that for 2004, 2000, 1996, 1992…oh my, even my unborn fetus in a jar can see the pattern.

Those fucks have been fucking us over for years. They will never get my vote.

Maybe I am finally just to "elite" to vote for those haters????

BarackMyWorld April 25, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Ray of hope for conservatives: white people still make up almost 80% of the country.

Ken Layne April 25, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Untrue, happily. And becoming more untrue every day.

Last census put whitey at 72%, an all-time low — since whitey arrived and killed off most of the then-100% native american population, anyway.

But 16% of Americans self-identify as Hispanic/Latino, with just half of them also calling themselves "white" — old Euro v. Native & Mestizo prejudice showing there, too, like anywhere in Latin America. So with non-white Latino-Hispanics at 8%, that takes the "white" overall population down to 64%. Include all Latino-Hispanic in the "minority" population and America's majority race is just 56% non-hispanic whitey.

Hooray!

zhubajie April 25, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Personally, I enjoy all the race-mixing I can get!

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2011 at 7:15 pm

I'll bet that's what Erickson is really scared of.

BarackMyWorld April 25, 2011 at 10:23 pm
emmelemm April 25, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Wake up, WAAAHT PEOPLE!

BTWBFDIMHO April 25, 2011 at 5:30 pm

The First Nigra's approval rate is too damn high among 18-34.

WilliamHTaft April 25, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Erickson is right to be afraid. I'm guessing he got the memo about the next hipster fad being conversion to Islam.

Sharia Law is the new cupcakes. See you in 2012 bitch.

dox[acted] April 25, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Whenever a young person votes, Erick Erickson is struck with the sudden, bottomless dread that the South might not actually rise again. And that rules.

natoslug April 25, 2011 at 5:33 pm

EWE might want to adjust his figures, 'cause even those of us old enough to shout "get off my lawn" unironically are still young enough to want to vote Obama in, in spite of feeling mostly disappointed by him so far (yeah, yeah, yeah, he probably couldn't have gotten Gitmo shut down or quit supporting corporate interests over human ones, but he could have at least been more vocal about it and pointed out that he would have shut down Gitmo if only the Republican-led Congress weren't a bunch of frightened pussies who think Real Americans are all terrorists who'd let the detainees free if the detainees were brought to American soil and given actual trials).

Pithaughn April 25, 2011 at 6:23 pm

You have seen the light! We are at war with East Islam and always have been. Therefore any Muslim who is allowed into the Homeland would be just itching to get loose and set fire to us and steal our women. All Muslims are to be hated and reviled, at least until they are our allies again. Then the history will be re written.

imissopus April 25, 2011 at 6:36 pm

The problem with your Gitmo point is that the Democrats in Congress feel the same way.

natoslug April 25, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Well, what can you expect, when we supposedly have to consider this pigfucker to be one of us?: http://thehayride.com/2011/04/westboro-baptist-ch

[edit: "alleged" pigfucker. I haven't actually seen him fuck a pig.]

DustBowlBlues April 25, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Is the goal here to maintain the standards of the new, tastefully sensitive wonkette?

BTW–"Meatloaf, should I run for president?" Americans are stupid. And that statement is in keeping with the wonket's new, sensitive, always factual code of commenting. Americans are stupid. Not allegedly stupid. Completely stupid. Pigfucking stupid.

natoslug April 25, 2011 at 9:00 pm

Argh! I just posted a long-winded and properly expletive-filled response, and forgot to check for words that might be in Ken's stoplist. The gist of it was that 1) no, I was not trying to maintain standards (in part because I have none) and 2) Westboro Baptist pigfuckers are tards to the nth degree.

[yes, I hate not knowing exactly which words I cannot use. Post an etiquette guide, dammit!]

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:33 am

Why do you want to pick on Meatloaf?

zhubajie April 25, 2011 at 7:10 pm

If he must keep G'tmo open, why not send the likes of Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh there? Isn't the first rule of management "punish your enemies, reward your friends"?

VinnyThePooh April 25, 2011 at 5:33 pm

I thought they liked getting anally gaped by machines.

a_pink_poodle April 25, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Yeah we need to get some kids to say things the Youngs like to say!

Young people still say "Tubular" right?

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:06 am

Twenty-three skiddoo!

ganmerlad April 26, 2011 at 12:44 am

Totally to the max they don't say that anymore. I think now they say "leave me alone, I am texting, k?"

Negropolis April 26, 2011 at 1:06 am

They say things like "that's completely bully!" and "crank up the victrola, bitches!" and "we're going bar-hopping in the Louisiana Purchase, tonight."

trumpbly_joe April 25, 2011 at 5:35 pm

We know that he doesn't scare easily because he arms himself whenever census workers come to his door. Guns==bravery, proven fact.

Also, liquor==handsomeness, and reading thinking about Ewick makes me want to make myself reeeeaaaally handsome.

pinkocommi April 25, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Confirming, once again, that Republitards' plan to "win the future" is to appeal to the olds.

BZ1 April 25, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Isn't that little Repub symbol in the Click to Victory 2012 logo, a bomb?

smokefilledroommate April 25, 2011 at 6:00 pm

I thought it was some kind of Texas gerbil.

weejee April 25, 2011 at 6:17 pm

With a really long tail. Musta been hiding in Rick Perry's boot.

BarackMyWorld April 25, 2011 at 5:37 pm

There was something in the air that night…the stars were bright…

emmelemm April 25, 2011 at 5:45 pm

They were shining there for you and me,
For liiiiibbbb-errrrr-teeee…

Terry April 25, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Good thing, as he has zero chance of doing any poking himself.

Limeylizzie April 25, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Downfisting Fucktard is amongst us, but I got your backs, babies.

Extemporanus April 25, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Any rock salt, rubber ball, and Silly Putty-pimping middle man prone to stroking their wife's shotgun at the mere thought of a census worker darkening their flaming brownie-bedecked doorstep clearly does not scare easily.

weejee April 25, 2011 at 6:24 pm

But Will (the) Forks in the road lead Erick to Nikki's nookie?

yyyaz April 25, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Proof that even bloviating gasbags actually do need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

glamourdammerung April 25, 2011 at 5:47 pm

You would think it would be easy for Erickson to figure out since he has that gig with CNN A.K.A. "the liberal media".

yyyaz April 25, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Or even to use his herd's instinct to follow their own stench. 'Sides, that would require interdepartmental communication at CNN, where no two yammerers seem to be able to stay on the same page on the same telecast even when seated at the same desk at the same time.

RadioJack April 25, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Remember the Amygdala!!1!

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:35 am

I see what you did there.

TheMightyHaltor April 25, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Erickson translation: The racists Nixon courted in 1968 are dying off in droves, and us young 'uns aren't interested in taking up their job.

zhubajie April 25, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Some of us have wised-up since Nixon's day and learned who our enemies are.

Chet Kincaid April 26, 2011 at 12:44 am

Could have fooled me!!

dox[acted] April 25, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Shorter: Has the whole world gone uppity?!

Fukui_sanYesOta April 25, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Or merely urban?

genxr April 25, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Black is white, up is down, and brown is uppity.

comptoneffect April 25, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Not sure what 70% of that post meant but thank you for writing it.

smokefilledroommate April 25, 2011 at 7:51 pm

It was about starting a revolution in an IKEA.

Doktor Zoom April 25, 2011 at 8:30 pm

And when you get the chance….
YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEN,
YOUNG AND SWEET, ONLY SEVENTEEN!

(Note: While technically a percussion instrument, the tambourine has no perceptible beat that one could feel, particularly in a crowded club. This song fails the most rudimentary test of credibility)

x111e7thst April 25, 2011 at 6:01 pm

What the son of Eric really fears is that socialists will come redistribute his "special" rubber dwarves and big tub or rancid yak butter to the masses.The rest is just woofing.

SheriffRoscoe April 25, 2011 at 6:17 pm

LOL.

BeWoot April 25, 2011 at 6:09 pm

If Erick doesn't scare himself–and his "friends" don't scare him absolutely shitless–I'd say he's pretty much fearless. Or maybe just beyond hope.

carlgt1 April 25, 2011 at 6:10 pm

well honestly, what is motivational to the youth (under 55) about greedy self-centered myth-craving fuqqtards?

mavenmaven April 25, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Its Norse for Santorum.

Swampgas_Man April 25, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Yeah, poked right inna butt!

mrblifil April 25, 2011 at 6:23 pm

This country is in the act of being ruined by all the sex-havers. In fact it's in the act of being fucked.

WinterOuthouse April 25, 2011 at 6:34 pm

He's as bleached and doughy as the rovian turd blossom.

WinterOuthouse April 25, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Those 'urbans' will vote in the thousands. Mickey Moose and M&M will be registering the 'urbans' and teaching them how to vote 86 times.

Gorillionaire April 25, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Erick, Erick, ERICK! Calm down. This is nothing that can't be turned around by another ultra conservative rap video posted on youtube.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 25, 2011 at 6:44 pm

WTF is a "dominating" web site, and how does it "target" the Youngs? And even if this asshat were able to spam his way into my inbox, how the hell does he expect to sell me on exchanging reasoned thought for libertardian teabaggery? Technology is amazing, but come on — it ain't magic.

Republican with sane policies, meet Nigerian prince with banking problem. I'm sure you guys will get along great… oh wait … is that a problem? Yes? Let me find you a Bulgarian with your sweepstakes winnings. I'm sure you guys will get along great…

Wilcoxyz April 25, 2011 at 6:44 pm

"We're still miles behind" on the Internet.

Now long is an Internet mile In dildo units?

Boojum_Reborn April 25, 2011 at 9:17 pm

12 furlongs per parsec.

Fukui_sanYesOta April 25, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Or 7.3 O'Keefes in SI units.

imissopus April 25, 2011 at 10:03 pm

157 Smoots.

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:37 am

40 hogsheads to the hectare.

GinnehRED57 April 25, 2011 at 6:45 pm

There is nothing scarier than Young Republican't Paultards.

(It is now safe to append -tard, yes?)

bordo2 April 25, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Well, I sure feel stupid. I thought the only thing Erick Erickson feared was missing to the all-you-can-eat night at Golden Corral

zhubajie April 25, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Don't worry, EE, the Rapture, come 21 May, will solve all your problems! And if you're left behind, I'd suggest you enjoy all the sex, drugs, rock and roll you can, while you can!

gef05 April 25, 2011 at 6:57 pm

"We can't afford a blowout like 2008 again."

Agreed. That $700M bill of Bush's was a waste.

RadioJack April 25, 2011 at 7:06 pm

You meant, of course, a $700 BILLION projectile diarrhea.

gef05 April 25, 2011 at 7:14 pm

FUCK. I typed an M. And I can't edit it either. Look, just squint, will you?

Steverino247 April 25, 2011 at 7:13 pm

History shows that Young Republicans are only good at Ratfucking. Now, with the advent of the Internet, anybody can watch rats fucking for $29.99 a month (e.g., http://www.fuckmyrat.com, http://www.maturerat.com or http://www.2rats1cage.com), so why would a kid want to leave the house?

obfuscator2 April 25, 2011 at 7:13 pm

Dear Redstate Patriot,

Of all the news you and I have shared together, this could be the most worrisome I've ever sent you: I think the $50 Outback Steakhouse gift card I found in my wallet might be expired!!!

For Chili Cheese Freedom Fries,

Erick

Rotundo_ April 25, 2011 at 7:15 pm

It's wonderful to see their faith in technology to lure kids in and turn them into little free marketeers just with the wonder of a good user interface and great graphics. They really do believe if they just get the hang of this social media thing that it will magically turn all the horrid shit they want to do to the ordinary folks into voter motivational gold. How does one gold foil a turd and have it be something other than a gold foiled turd? It may be impeccably packaged, but it's a turd. HEY KIDZ!!!1!!! LETZ KUT TAXXS FER OUR KOCH BUDZ! YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!. Still is a turd, even if spoken with lots and lots of enthusiasm…

Goonemeritus April 25, 2011 at 7:37 pm

I’m sure if Red State is doing it will be young and hip, you know like advertising on the side of a Zeppelin.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 25, 2011 at 8:54 pm

I think it would more effective if they were to advertise on the flags for their 3 wheeled bike and bumper stickers for their hoverounds.

DustBowlBlues April 25, 2011 at 7:58 pm

I still think that when you have to call yourself a Young Gun and write a book about how you are a Young Gun, and promote yourself as a Young Gun, then that is prima facie evidence that you aren't.

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:06 am

Also, if you have to call yourself "not a racist" or "not an Islamophobe"…

Hold on, I think we may be on to something here!

poncho_pilot April 26, 2011 at 1:07 am

60 is the new 16.

Toomush_Infer April 25, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Yea, wasn't it good, Norwegian wood….

JackObin April 25, 2011 at 9:09 pm

"Dear Red State Patriot". Now THAT'S scary.

AJW@[redacted] April 25, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Well, I live in a red state, and consider myself to be a patriot, but I sure as fuck ain't one of them.

Toomush_Infer April 25, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Make that 45….50…. aw, screw it, I'm 62 …

fitley April 25, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Is Eric up to the task of leading the inbred, corn nut teeth, pustule covered, backwoods tea
scrotes to the poll. Wow it'll look like Dawn of the Dead.

Refudiation April 25, 2011 at 10:24 pm

I live in my cell phone? *scratches head*

anniegetyerfun April 25, 2011 at 11:39 pm

It seems these young people with their fancy liberal educations and iPhones and ethnic food and bisexuality and 401ks and Dwell subscriptions have got that Barack Obama all up in their grill.

Except for the iPhone thing (I have a Droid), you've pretty much got me pegged. GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:03 am

"“You know I don’t scare easily,” Erickson writes. “And that scares me.” "

*eyeroll*

What a damn liar he is! *scoffs* "doesn't scare easily", my ASS!
I snuck up behind him and yelled "BOO!", and he screamed, wet his pants, and ran away crying.

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:04 am

Shorter: If people aren't broke, ignorant, and hopeless, they might actually vote in a way that benefits themselves or even others.

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:08 am

*shakes cane menacingly*
YOU DAMN KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!!

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:15 am

PUFFY sumbitch, isn't he?

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:27 am

You had bugs?? You lucky BASTARD!!

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:29 am

"And all you had for comfort was that ABBA song and your dreams. "

Dang, now I'm thinking of that Simpsons episode where Mr. Burns was pursuing Mona Simpson in the tank, and Smithers taped "Waterloo" over "Ride of the Valkyries".

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:41 am

"targeting voters 18-34 — and to use all the Obamacrat tools and tactics to convince them"

Without actually, God forbid, DOING anything to motivate or benefit them, obviously.

Uniprober April 26, 2011 at 1:07 am

just great. now i have amygdala envy too.

Negropolis April 26, 2011 at 1:11 am

Ouch! Except that I think "Hideous America" is pronounced "Real America".

Negropolis April 26, 2011 at 1:20 am

Damn those Fancy Young People and their Atari-boxes, and MyPlaces, and Book of Many Faces, and Twinklights and High School Musicals, and cassette players, and bell-bottomed jeans, and M.A.S.H., and car phones, and VCRS, and properly functioning bowels and knees…

Negropolis April 26, 2011 at 11:05 pm

What?

Here, maybe this will work…

You know who else was scared to death (and then caused the death of) Fancy Young People?

timbo71351 April 26, 2011 at 11:22 am

All you have to know about this loudmouth pantload is that he quit his job as an elected official to devote more time to reciting talking points on talk radio and CNN. That about says it all.

EBGrey April 27, 2011 at 9:05 am

Says Erik son of Erik, "President Obama is the hero to 18 to 34 year olds…And that is why we must prevent 18 to 34 year olds from voting…along with the all the Mexicans and 'the blacks.' And that brings me to the topic of voter fraud!…"

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum April 25, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Too subtle.

smokefilledroommate April 25, 2011 at 8:27 pm
Limeylizzie April 25, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Oxonian please! Which college?

Limeylizzie April 25, 2011 at 6:04 pm

That is charming, funny and filthy, in other words ..perfection!

Fukui_sanYesOta April 25, 2011 at 6:06 pm

University, same as Big Billy Clinton.

Someone taped a cigar to his portrait in the main hall causing the Master to inquire of the assembled motley crew who'd done it, because "there's a good bottle of college port in it for you"

Good times, good times.

What about you?

di_da_is_alpha April 25, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Wrong again, PussNBoots, I comment here because you all love me so much. That, and I followed metamarcisf here from Breitbart, so blame him.

And what's ironic is you admitting that you don't know that gas prices are high, and therefore YOU must never get out of YOUR house. Did you see how many of our brothers and sisters agreed with my statement before you came and disparaged my name? : )

Well I've spent too much time here already, and must now deprive all my wonkette brothers and sisters of my company. Don't expect any reply as I only visit this site once or twice a week at most, and once I leave, I stay gone. Don't want to exaggerate the numbers, you know?

BobSalem April 25, 2011 at 6:13 pm

You are Awesome….:)

$exy$murf April 25, 2011 at 6:17 pm

According to OED irony is: "When a group of mouth-breathers, who complain about 'political correctness,' get the vapors because someone dares to make a joke about their beloved Snow Queen's prop, er, I mean child."

glamourdammerung April 25, 2011 at 6:21 pm

You see to think I can not read your comments over at Big Failure. Though for the record, I voted your remark up as it was semi-funny. And I think anyone trolling at Breitbart's crapfests are being just as goofy as you retards are here, though given your behavior here I can only imagine what "trolling" at Breitbart consists of. I am guessing it involves truth or maybe referring to President Obama by his name instead of some lame attempt at a pun.

But run off like you tend to do whenever folks call you on your nonsense here.

glamourdammerung April 25, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Speaking of serial liars coming over here from Breitbart's crapfests, you still have not given me a link to those unedited "ACORN sting" videos you insisted were all over the internet.

KenLayIsAlive April 25, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Hey look, it's LouDi_da_is_alpha

Limeylizzie April 25, 2011 at 6:27 pm

St. Hilda's.

Barb April 25, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Thanks! I had another one last week. Jeff is the king of pregnant pauses. He will start to say, "we need to……." and 60 seconds later he doesn't finish his thought. I started a new, ignorant habit by adding, "my big vagina?" to get him to speed up his speech. I say it 10 times a day. "Where did I put the….." and I would pipe up with, "my big vagina?"

I didn't know where Jeff was in the house. I used the intercom system for the first time. I pressed "ALL ROOMS" and said, "If you want me, I will be washing my big vagina" I heard my neighbor shout, "Way to go, Barb" It seems that the intercom system also works on the outside balcony, the lower patio and at the front door.

I can't wait for the Jehovah's Witnesses to ring my doorbell next!

Chet Kincaid April 26, 2011 at 9:23 am

So, I am expecting the announcement of the Limeylizzie Barb & DustBowlBlues "Original Queens Of Snark Tour" any day now!

Toomush_Infer April 25, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Plus, England is about what, 30 miles from one end to the other?…

emmelemm April 25, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Yeah, my teatardin' LimBeckian grandfather has tried to start the whole, "OMG, those Norwegians, they let the oil industry be nationalized in their country, and now they pay like $8.00 for a gallon of gas! It's insanity! Hang the socialists!"

To which the only reply I have is, "Yeah, but they have national health care, day care, higher education, retirement funds, etc. And all the Scandinavians consistently rank highest on "happiest countries" in the world, DESPITE the fact that they live in long stretches of constant darkness, because at least they know their government provides for them in a reasonable way."

Geminisunmars April 25, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Are you Barb from "Big Love"?

imissopus April 25, 2011 at 10:13 pm

That freakin' guy. Comes over here, spews some bullshit, then says "That's the last word anyone can have because I'm not coming back for a week!" What a douche. On the other hand, we don't have to hear any of his bullshit about how ZOMG INTELLIGENT DESIGN IS SCIENCE! So that's a plus.

And I suppose this whole gasoline comment he pulled out of left field is an attempt to blame Obama for high gas prices? Sure thing, bubba.

glamourdammerung April 25, 2011 at 10:39 pm

That freakin' guy. Comes over here, spews some bullshit, then says "That's the last word anyone can have because I'm not coming back for a week!

That is pretty the pattern with that one. Fling poop and run away.

tessiee April 26, 2011 at 12:18 am

We've all got our secrets.

A friend of a friend lived in deepest suburbia but subscribed to the Village Voice.

UpFistTroll April 26, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Jesus Christ, this thread is fucking hilarious when all the trolls' comments are Derpified.

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