Michigan Solves Deficit By Forcing Foster Kids Into Thrift Store Clothes

by Jack Stuef

When you think about it, the state really can't afford NOT to just gas them all.The state of Michigan is facing a budget deficit of $1.4 billion this year. How did Governorissimo Rick Snyder decide to fix this problem? By giving businesses $1.8 billion in tax cuts. Whoops! Silly governor, that makes the deficit bigger! This must all be a huge misunderstanding! How could somebody be presented with a problem of this magnitude and decide the best solution would be to double it? Because Michigan Republicans have a plan, that’s why. There’s a thing called “foster kids,” food-and-shelter fat cats who get their kicks being able to exist and hoping that someday somebody will love them. Did you know Michigan gives these children a stipend to spend on clothes to wear to school? Not anymore! The deficit/new business tax cuts cost will be fixed on the backs of foster kids, by making them buy all their clothes at thrift stores.

Orphans, who have set themselves up for disaster in our capitalist meritocracy by choosing to not have parents, should have to wear rags like they did in the days of our founders. (They should also have to work if they can’t afford school, but, you know, one thing at a time.) But you know how children without parents are, they always expect BIG GOVERNMENT to provide them with things to keep them from dying in gutters.

A small part of the DHS savings, about $200,000, would come from adjustments to the clothing allowance for foster children, or children of the working poor, of $79 for school clothes. Caswell said children will still get close to that $79, but would be issued gift cards that can only be used at the Salvation Army, Goodwill or other thrift stores.

“Close to,” meaning “less.” Would this further ignominy anger foster children? Like most things in their pitiful lives, probably, yes. But maybe it would also lead to more of them finally killing themselves, which would save the state even more money. And, after all, foster kids can’t vote, and nobody really cares about them personally, so they have absolutely no political power. Why weren’t Republicans making cuts to foster kids before? This is the best way ever to hand businesses money. [Detroit News]

 

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{ 324 comments }

Buzz Feedback April 25, 2011 at 10:51 am

America is finished. Thanks for playing.

ManchuCandidate April 25, 2011 at 11:02 am

All Ur Prosperity Are Belong To 1%

Lascauxcaveman April 25, 2011 at 11:57 am

Eh, I've been getting my clothes at Goodwill for years.

I just always thought Michigan was classier than me.

CthuNHu April 25, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Whu… you mean there are other places to get clothes?

Lascauxcaveman April 25, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Yes, indeed. But seriously, why does Snyder think this is a good idea?

a) he's not saving the sate any money
b) he's pissing off WalMart

Seems like he's spending a lot of political capital just to humiliate the poors.

ShaveTheWhales April 25, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Yeah, this appears to be one of them "unintended consequences" deals.

The state will save some money by giving the foster kids less, depending on how close "close" is.

But now, instead of the money going to retail stores, it will go to charity.

The state government is giving tax money to charity. Fucking socialists.

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 9:07 pm

"why does Snyder think this is a good idea?
Seems like he's spending a lot of political capital just to humiliate the poors."

Well, if you're going to answer your own questions, then I guess I'll just go home.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 25, 2011 at 10:51 am

Parasite orphans. Next to teachers and firemen, history's biggest monsters.

How can the Dagny Taggarts and Hank Reardens of today invent their super trains (and such as), when they're at the mercy of Big Orphan, Inc.?

We need a final solution, people!

/our GOP overlords
~

KenLayIsAlive April 25, 2011 at 11:34 am

Big Orphan. Better grab that domain name before Brietfart does.

emmelemm April 25, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Yeah, just had to say the phrase Big Orphan is a stroke of genius. Well done!

corig123 April 25, 2011 at 10:51 am

Does Salvation Army sell underwear? Is making kids buy second hand underwear -ever- going to be socially acceptable? I, for one, hope not.

4TheTurnstiles April 25, 2011 at 10:52 am

Welcome back, Jeremiad Jack.

V572..whatever April 25, 2011 at 11:41 am

If the Breittards knew how to read alt-text, they'd be on this so fast…

XOhioan April 25, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Jack is the king of alt-text, thanx for reminding me to check.

horsedreamer_1 April 25, 2011 at 10:54 am

It's nice to see MTV's Teen Mom & 16 & Pregnant will never run out of kids.

NorthStarSpanx April 25, 2011 at 11:17 am

It's the new standard / staple of the American workforce.

BarackMyWorld April 25, 2011 at 10:54 am

Republicans really seem to suck at this "governing" and "passing laws" stuff, and yet people still keep voting for them.

horsedreamer_1 April 25, 2011 at 10:56 am

L'aborto è sacrilegio.

[redacted]hse April 25, 2011 at 11:00 am

By the money, for the money.

DaRooster April 25, 2011 at 11:09 am

They have these voting machines that do the voting for you. Hell, they count the votes of people that didn't show up because they are FUCKING DEAD. Canada tried voting machines for 2 elections and scrapped 'em… Holland… 1 election. This is why these Repug fucks have no worry about doing what they are doing… re-election every time.

arihaya April 25, 2011 at 11:19 am

who else shall we vote for? the black guy?

Nothingisamiss April 25, 2011 at 11:40 am

As long as we have state leaders who keep getting elected (see above comment re: machines) there is no worry that this black guy or any other will be able to stop this dismantling of our lives.

OneDollarJuana April 25, 2011 at 1:38 pm

If people who vote Republican could actually think through the consequences of their votes, there never would be a Republican in office.

James Michael Curley April 25, 2011 at 10:55 am

General. Tell me, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?
Pirates. (disgusted) Oh, dash it all!
King. Here we are again!
General. I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?
King. Often!
General. Yes, orphan. Have you ever known what it is to be one?
King. I say, often.
Pirates. (disgusted) Often, often, often. (Turning away)
General. I don’t think we quite understand one another. I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan, and you say “orphan”. As I understand you, you are merely repeating the word “orphan” to show that you understand me.

weejee April 25, 2011 at 11:04 am

Wuz that General Motors, General Electric, or General Mills? Wuz the other fellow King Louis XVI, King Kong, or King Creole?

TheSheriffsNear April 25, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Tis a glorious thing to be a (capitalist) Pirate King!

James Michael Curley April 25, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Its a sad state that so many present day Republican policies were treated as laughable absurdities by G&S.

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2011 at 10:55 am

Fuck all that "foster home" shit, get the little fuckers to build their own workhouses to live in. Win/win!!

GOPCrusher April 25, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Agreed.
Besides, why do they need nice new clothes? They'll just get destroyed while they toil in the sand pits under the Ford Motor Company foundries.

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Sand pits?
I thought they were turning the thing in a circle while the shirtless guy in the hood whips them.

Rev_Lemonjello April 25, 2011 at 10:56 am

Yet, by forcing an 8 yo stray boy to wear a pink "world's best soccer mom" tshirt, how will the GOP distinguish the disgusting poor from an illegal messican?

horsedreamer_1 April 25, 2011 at 10:57 am

Joe Arpaio says, "They're all the same! Social Darwinism!"

Jukesgrrl May 1, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Do you actually think Arpaio knows words like "Darwinism"?

bagofmice April 25, 2011 at 11:21 am

I'm sure the second-hand retailers could sew some sort of symbol into the clothes…

WhatTheHolyHeck April 25, 2011 at 11:28 am

Gold stars would stand out nicely.

riverside68 April 25, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Triangles: Red for commies or black for vagrants. They gotta be one, the other or both.

DailyGrumbles April 25, 2011 at 10:56 am

Michigan GOPers declare war on Orphans. That'll teach them.

NorthStarSpanx April 25, 2011 at 11:15 am

I think it's purely economical, the thrift store lobby is very powerful in the country's most pleasant peninsula.

ChessieNefercat April 25, 2011 at 11:51 am

"If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you."

The official state motto, stunning in its vacuity.

Lascauxcaveman April 25, 2011 at 12:04 pm

OK, Mr Marketing Genius, what other fine qualities does MI have to tout, other than its pleasant peninsularity?

Exactly.

ChessieNefercat April 25, 2011 at 7:25 pm

The Lower "Peninsula" (ha ha) is shaped like an oven mitt?

ChessieNefercat April 25, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Ooh, ooh, wait, I've got it!

If you seek a pleasant place to drown yourself as the country (and Michigan esp.!) goes to hell in a handcart, look about you; we're surrounded by water!

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 9:13 pm

"OK, Mr Marketing Genius, what other fine qualities does MI have to tout, other than its pleasant peninsularity?"

"Home of Motown".

My, but THAT was easy!

Geminisunmars April 25, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Wow. I looked up MI state motto, and that really is it. Of course, in Latin it is even more pleasant.

ChessieNefercat April 25, 2011 at 7:26 pm

But eleetist. With all that fancy Romish stuff. Best to use English just like Jesus did.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] April 25, 2011 at 12:41 pm

The official state motto, stunning in its vacuity.

I think it just barely edged out "Peninsula: you're soaking in it".

Negropolis April 25, 2011 at 11:15 pm

If you think that one's a keeper, go look up Detroit's. Yeah, we are still waiting for that renaissance…

HateMachine April 25, 2011 at 10:56 am

I have it on good authority that most of these kids crawled away to a random doorstep as babies or tricked their parents into dying in tragic house fires, specifically so they could get on the government dole.

chicken_thief April 25, 2011 at 11:13 am

Well, that cheese is some tasty shit!

ManchuCandidate April 25, 2011 at 10:57 am

Why don't they also make the little orphans sell Amway*, too?

*owned by the Michigan based RW nutter DeVos family and bankroller of Michigan GOP.

comptoneffect April 25, 2011 at 11:17 am

What are you doing? Stop giving the MI-GOPers any more ideas. I live in MI and don’t relish the idea of buying Amway detergent from one of these little urchins out of pity when they come to my front door later this year.

V572..whatever April 25, 2011 at 11:45 am

It's impossible to find out, even after 30 seconds of exhaustive Wikipedia-ing and Googling, but I believe that other icon of free-market individualism, "Tupperware," originated in Michigan as well. So those impecunious leeches could do both.

I was able to learn that the founder moved to Costa Rica to escape paying taxes, so that fits quite well.

DaRooster April 25, 2011 at 10:59 am

Why don't they all just get together and put on the best production ever of Oliver Twist?
What a money maker that could be. Since only richers can afford to go to any type of show these days they would definitely show up to see and laugh at poor orphans in a safe environment where they wouldn't be threatened with them brushing up against them… like on the street.

Zvi_Bleindmeis April 25, 2011 at 11:15 am

My dad has a barn!

Lascauxcaveman April 25, 2011 at 12:15 pm

They could do Twist with a twist, and have the grandfatherly figure find some way to exploit young Oliver for profit, after separating him from Fagin and the boys.

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 9:15 pm

By renting him to Reptilian senators and congressmen?

bumfug April 25, 2011 at 10:59 am

This will be offset by the fifty cent per day increase in their gruel allowance.

Chillwaver April 25, 2011 at 11:00 am

This one's for all you Trickle-down Economics disbelievers out there…

TheSheriffsNear April 25, 2011 at 2:49 pm

You mean from the charlatan that admitted that it was just bullshit he made up and people believed him because a) it fit their ideology and b) they were desperate for someone to have an authoritative answer for them? I present you David Stockman!
http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Politics/The-Vote/20

PS – It's both Christian AND Science, so it's a trusted source.

horsedreamer_1 April 25, 2011 at 11:00 am
crybabyboehner April 25, 2011 at 11:02 am

now THERE is a real tragedy!

SorosBot April 25, 2011 at 11:02 am

As I said last night, he's also proposing all the clothing be embroidered with a yellow star, to identify the undesirables.

NorthStarSpanx April 25, 2011 at 11:11 am

I guess numerated tats on the forearm would go too far. . .

SorosBot April 25, 2011 at 11:12 am

Too early; that's for 2016.

V572..whatever April 25, 2011 at 12:32 pm

At the start of President Bachmann's second term?

sweetcommunist April 25, 2011 at 12:35 pm

I like the embroidery identification concept, but I propose we change the shape into that of a large, single tear.

Orphans are forever weeping, you see.

AJW@[redacted] April 25, 2011 at 1:25 pm

No, we'll make them earn a teardrop tattoo on their face, after serving a 5-year stint in the penitentiary.

riverside68 April 25, 2011 at 6:16 pm

As I said above, undesirables had triangles, red for commies Black for vagrants etc.

He who does not study history is doomed to repeat it.

Actually I don't think studying makes any difference at all, we are all doomed.

facehead April 25, 2011 at 11:02 am

"This must all be a huge misunderstanding! How could somebody be presented with a problem of this magnitude and decide the best solution would be to double it?"

America is basically one long episode of Three's Company.

$exy$murf April 25, 2011 at 11:14 am

Image the shenanigans we're going to have to pull once the Chinese (Mr. Furley) realizes we can't pay our rent.

AJW@[redacted] April 25, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Because the rent is too damned high, obvs.

freakishlywrong April 25, 2011 at 11:03 am

Holy fuck. Given our awful media, the Repugnants will just cold decide to kill poor people as a way of cutting down the deficit, and will be hailed as "brave" and "serious".

GOPCrusher April 25, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Considering, the Republiklans believe that people choose to be poor, making them wander the streets in used clothing is just a way to shame them into becoming more productive members of society.
Tough love!

hooray4anything April 25, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Why can't Democrats be more bipartisan?

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 9:17 pm

"the Repugnants will just cold decide to kill poor people"

Wasn't this a Dead Kennedys song?

Thurman Munster IV April 25, 2011 at 11:03 am

Don't be suckered by their sweet little orphan faces. These bastards, and I do mean bastards, were raised by wolverines. Soon as they get to a year old, they'll rip your face off.

Motherfucking wolverine orphans.

/s/ Bucky badger

[redacted]hse April 25, 2011 at 11:04 am

I don't know what to say. I'm simply aghast at what this ugly society has become.
I can barely express my outrage any longer, but these fuckers are shameless anyway.
I imagine they sit around and laugh and laugh when this shit is actually enacted.

Nothingisamiss April 25, 2011 at 11:48 am

And when they hear complaints about it. Oh, how funny! The clubhouse fills with laughter at these hijinks.

littlebigdaddy April 25, 2011 at 11:04 am

Well Victorian England knew what to do with its orphans. Rent them out to toffs for fun n' games. I am sure many, many members of the GOP would avail themselves of such services. This could, possibly, solve the deficit.

BTW, I am guessing no one in the MGOP has ever read Swift.

SorosBot April 25, 2011 at 11:07 am

The Catholic Church endorses this proposal, also.

Lascauxcaveman April 25, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Yesh, those St Vincent de Paul stores are a real cash cow. (rolls eyes)

jqheywood April 25, 2011 at 11:47 am

That's a safe assumption…they're illiterate, after all.

Doktor Zoom April 25, 2011 at 12:25 pm

They know about Swift Boating. That's close.

zhubajie April 26, 2011 at 1:23 am

Why would you expect them to read?

EatsBabyDingos April 25, 2011 at 11:04 am

"tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll wear Manolo Blahniks, tomorrow, it's only a day away."

horsedreamer_1 April 25, 2011 at 11:08 am

They'll be lucky to be wearing Crocs.

comptoneffect April 25, 2011 at 11:06 am

Next MI-GOPer proposal: Foster kids must sell their own organs to cover the cost of their care. Hey, you can get a lot for a healthy kidney or cornea.

DustBowlBlues April 25, 2011 at 11:06 am

Oh, god, what next? It's rainy, I've been coughing since 5 AM (oops. The Old Man says 4:49 AM, when I woke him up with the coughing), I'm exhausted and instead of looking forward to the one joy I have left as an American, 30 minutes of pulsating, scaldingly hot, high quality shower, the system is fucked up and all I have is a hot dribble to look forward to.

Please, before I just kill myself and get it over, please, someone, tell me I'm right when I think that the Republicans have overreached by showing their true selves—worthless, pond-scum sucking excuses for human beings–and the Kock brothers and all the rest of their Dickensian villainish ilk cannot buy enough media gimmicks to fool Americans into voting for these monsters? That the voters will realize what the fuck is really going on here? That they're being turned into a nation of serfs?

Who am I kidding? They're paying $4.00 at the pump. Fuck the widows and orphans.

Doktor Zoom April 25, 2011 at 11:12 am

Widows and orphans will be given a voucher that will allow them to suck tailpipe fumes.

[redacted]hse April 25, 2011 at 11:20 am

Sometimes I even hope the same thing, but I am not a fan of Mankind and have little faith in the institution.

DaRooster April 25, 2011 at 11:21 am

They have shoes at the thrift store… let 'em walk. There is the "Health Plan" too.

comptoneffect April 25, 2011 at 11:24 am

What about underwear?

DaRooster April 25, 2011 at 11:33 am

Depends…

jqheywood April 25, 2011 at 11:50 am

Pa dadump dump!

LowProfileinGA April 25, 2011 at 11:42 am

What was that? I stopped at "hot dribble."

AJW@[redacted] April 25, 2011 at 1:29 pm

sed prime vidauribus…

DustBowlBlues April 25, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Wonkeratti like Latin second only to puns. What is wrong with you people?

anniegetyerfun April 25, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Remember – a persistent cough is best cured by warm whiskey with honey and lemon, sprinkled lightly with the tears of children who have been taken away from their families due to drug abuse, unlivable conditions, or worse.

DustBowlBlues April 25, 2011 at 5:04 pm

And the tears are salty, which is also good for a sore throat. Holistic medicine on the backs of miserable children. The perfect Republitard health plan.

GOPCrusher April 25, 2011 at 3:18 pm

If they are called out on their evil acts, they just claim they are doing the work that the voters wanted.
Somehow I don't see a campaign strategy of forcing orphans to wear second hand clothing, being a winning strategy.

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 9:22 pm

"It's rainy, I've been coughing since 5 AM … I'm exhausted and instead of looking forward to the one joy I have left as an American, 30 minutes of pulsating, scaldingly hot, high quality shower, the system is fucked up and all I have is a hot dribble to look forward to. "

What? Are you me, somehow? It's been raining for at least a solid month, I've been coughing from allergies for at least two weeks, and now my shower has two (2) settings: No Hot Water or No Cold Water.

I blame Bob the troll.

DustBowlBlues April 25, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Supposedly, misery loves company. Are you feeling better yet? Now? Nothing? No?

It isn't working for me, either. Good luck on scoring some cough syrup somewhere, or at least a fix for your plumbing. This is as close to camping, or living in a developing country, as I ever choose to be.

weejee April 25, 2011 at 11:06 am

Damn orphans always spillin' their gruel on the floor as opposed to refined Rethug legislators spilling their seed on their interns.

Doktor Zoom April 25, 2011 at 11:07 am

Please, sir, may I repost?

'Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir.'

'Are there no prisons?"

'Plenty of prisons,' said the gentleman, laying down the pen again.

'And the Union workhouses.' demanded Scrooge. 'Are they still in operation?'

'Both very busy, sir.'

'Oh. I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course,' said Scrooge. 'I'm very glad to hear it…. I don't make merry myself at Christmas and I can't afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned–they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there.'

'Many can't go there; and many would rather die.'

'If they would rather die,' said Scrooge, 'they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.'

HistoriCat April 26, 2011 at 12:00 am

To the modern Republican mind A Christmas Carol is a tragedy unless you follow the story back to front.

drrty_martini April 25, 2011 at 11:07 am

The kicker? From Michigan Radio: "Caswell says the gift card idea wouldn’t save the state any money."

These people are, simply put, monsters.

horsedreamer_1 April 25, 2011 at 11:23 am

It's like Scooter at the House Gov't Affairs Committee.

emmelemm April 25, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Honestly, seriously, as with the Wisconsin thing: you'd think the Republicans would be crafty enough to fudge up some statistics and numbers to make it look like this shit saves money. The fact that they actually are plain admitting it doesn't is the craziest part of all.

hooray4anything April 25, 2011 at 4:03 pm

After the fifth or sixth time stuff like this gets people elected, I guess they feel they no longer have to pretend anymore

deanbooth April 25, 2011 at 11:07 am

Rooty Tooty, here comes Shoe-Bootie!

Barb April 25, 2011 at 11:13 am

I got the shoe-bootie reference! Nicely done! I love Carol O'Connor.

CapeClod April 25, 2011 at 11:07 am

They need these "clothes" so that they can go to "school." So the solution is simple. Don't let them go to school and put them to work, preferably in a job that doesn't require them to wear clothes. (Elephant washer, something like that.)

littlebigdaddy April 25, 2011 at 11:14 am

See my comment above for a possible line of work not requiring clothes.

CapeClod April 25, 2011 at 11:33 am

I know, but I always get creeped out when Mr. Bumble sings, "Boy for Sale."

TanzbodenKoenig April 25, 2011 at 11:07 am

"Welcome to Michigan, America's Dickensian Dystopia!"

Doktor Zoom April 25, 2011 at 11:08 am

Please, Sir, may I repost?

'Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir.'

'Are there no prisons?"

'Plenty of prisons,' said the gentleman, laying d0wn the pen again.

'And the Union workhouses.' demanded Scrooge. 'Are they still in operation?'

'Both very busy, sir.'

'Oh. I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course,' said Scrooge. 'I'm very glad to hear it…. I don't make merry myself at Christmas and I can't afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned–they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there.'

'Many can't go there; and many would rather die.'

'If they would rather die,' said Scrooge, 'they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.'

NorthStarSpanx April 25, 2011 at 11:32 am

Then why wouldn't the conservatives support Zero Population? "Life Happens" was the gleeful 2008 GOP platform.

But it seems representing the voiceless only goes toward zygotes. . .confound it!

SorosBot April 25, 2011 at 11:08 am

You know, we've got these damned orphans dragging on the economy, and these idle coal mines with shafts too small for adults to fit down. Why not solve both problems at once, 19th Century-style?

CliveWarren April 25, 2011 at 11:08 am

It won't take long before I see one of these young strapping foster-bucks buying Armani t-shirts with their Salvation Army gift cards…

Lascauxcaveman April 25, 2011 at 12:29 pm

The quality of the stuff I buy at Goodwill usually surpasses what is available at the local Walmart or Target.

I don't know where all this Nordstroms* and Edie Bauer* and Lands End* stuff is coming from, but it all seems to end up at my local Goodwill.

(*Yes, I'm a middle aged white person.)

4TheTurnstiles April 25, 2011 at 11:08 am

Does this rule also apply to the occasional white kid that messes up and gets run through the Michigan foster care system, or do they get an easier sentence like normal?

Ducksworthy April 25, 2011 at 2:00 pm

No no, or course not. This rule is established for the sole purpose of humiliating young black males.

anniegetyerfun April 25, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Well, we can't have them buying their FUBU shirts and Timberlands (or whatever it is that those young black bucks are wearing these-a-days) on the state dime, can we? No, sir, they might spend my tax dollars on a colored bandana, for the gangs! Colored, I said!

JoshuaNorton April 25, 2011 at 11:08 am

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: “O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.” And God granted it.

-Voltaire

BarackMyWorld April 25, 2011 at 11:09 am

I'm pretty sure that the folks who don't see a problem with this will fit into two categories:
-people who don't understand why everyone doesn't shop at thrift stores because they once got a "perfectly good" 19" console TV and betamax VCR at one; or
-people who have never been to a thrift store in their lives, and don't realize that thrift-stores are limited to selling what other people donated, a system of supply completely independent of whether that's what consumers of children's clothing actually need.

Lascauxcaveman April 25, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Goodwill = shitty for TV's

But actually not too bad for clothes. When I was a poor, my kids were all covered by hand-me-downs and Goodwill. I imagine in an area of ongoing poverty (say, Michigan) the selections are a little more picked over than in my fat little town.

anniegetyerfun April 25, 2011 at 3:21 pm

I write for a website whose readership is composed entirely of people who feel like Goodwill is the greatest place ever (and them poor (black) kids should be grateful that they get anything at all, dagnabbit). I actually enjoy thrift store shopping (for clothes), but I am a white woman in a wealthy city with disposable income and plenty of time to try to find vintage stuff (ie I am an asshole). I can see where this would be slightly less-than-thrilling for a kid who has next to nothing going well in his or her life.

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 9:27 pm

I, personally, have gotten some terrific buys at Thrift Shops, Dollar stores, etc.
However, it's a pretty big leap from there to, "Poor kids shouldn't be allowed to buy their clothes anywhere else".

NorthStarSpanx April 25, 2011 at 11:09 am

When did Michigan become so anti-Abstinence?

How can Candies support Bristol if the wayward, unparented, unsecure children with the lowest measures of self-esteem can't whore it up with that brand's slut-wear?

V572..whatever April 25, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Tom Monoghan says every sperm is sacred.

ManchuCandidate April 25, 2011 at 11:09 am

“I never had anything new,” Caswell says. “I got all the hand-me-downs. And my dad, he did a lot of shopping at the Salvation Army, and his comment was — and quite frankly it’s true — once you’re out of the store and you walk down the street, nobody knows where you bought your clothes.”

Someone's got childhood trauma issues.

finallyhappy April 25, 2011 at 5:17 pm

I hope today Caswell gets hit by a car or a falling brick.

jus_wonderin April 25, 2011 at 11:11 am

Wait just one goddamn minute. Salvation Army IS a faith based organization. Forget defunding NPR. How 'bout we fuckin' not give my tax money to a "church"!!!

Whew. Thanks Wonkette for this little commenty box.

SorosBot April 25, 2011 at 11:14 am

It also discriminates against gay people, unmarried couples, non-Christians, and others who don't fit their 50s-style traditional family ideal; don't give money to the dudes with the bells around Christmas, there are other charities out there that are not actually run by total douchebags.

Doktor Zoom April 25, 2011 at 11:11 am

I know! What the hell happened to the concept of personal responsibility, for godssake?

jus_wonderin April 25, 2011 at 11:11 am

Oh, cute kid in that photo.

DaRooster April 25, 2011 at 11:16 am

I don't know about where you are but there ain't no orphans around here lookin' like that. He is hardly starving and I'll bet he can sing too.

not that Dewey April 25, 2011 at 11:11 am

Goddammit, Jack! You're supposed to be some kind of inhuman monster, and now you're EMPATHIZING and CARING about CHILDREN? This violates the entire narrative that some asshole moron spent all last week trying to construct.

Doktor Zoom April 25, 2011 at 11:20 am

None of these Michigan orphans are the spawn of Sarah Palin, so they simply aren't on the radar.

Dr_Zoidberg April 25, 2011 at 11:12 am

Ok, seriously…..do Republicans even realize what they say and do? Are we positive that the Republican't Party isn't a joke that just got way out of hand? How do these people sleep at night?

Ducksworthy April 25, 2011 at 2:03 pm

You know who else was just a joke that got way out of hand?

GOPCrusher April 25, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Andy Kaufman?

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 9:43 pm

"How do these people sleep at night?"

On a big pile of $100 bills.

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2011 at 11:12 am

Actually, this is just the first phase, soon they will have to make their own clothing, using old copies of USA Today and the cornstalks not ground up for silage after the harvest. In this way we will raise a generation of self-reliant foster children that will not be a continuing drain on the productive members of society.

Rarian Rakista April 25, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Why don't the Republicans just admit they want to come full circle and bring back slavery.

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Because slave owners have to feed, clothe, house, and care for slaves. Unofficial slavery is cheaper for our corporate masters.

$exy$murf April 25, 2011 at 11:13 am

If orphans need some extra scratch I'm sure Detroit has some dirty chimneys that need sweeping. Two problems solved.

NorthStarSpanx April 25, 2011 at 11:37 am

Since LIHEAP has been cut, and heating oil is so dear, and burning glossy cardboard builds up creosote which is a common fire hazard with wood burning stoves, and you most likely have to keep up with your Subscription-based firefighting in your neighborhood – then yes, the demand for youthful Chimney sweeps must be high.

PubOption April 25, 2011 at 11:53 am

May also have some vacancies for newspaper sellers.

Gleem_McShineys April 25, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Of course! Great idea!
( "Sweeping the chimney" is Koch-code for using orphans as firewood, right?)

NorthStarSpanx April 25, 2011 at 11:13 am

There is no pride in dumpster diving anymore, not since Sarah Palin criticized those Stanislaus students for digging up details of her six-figure speech complete with first-class tickets and bendy straw prerequisites in the recycling bin on campus.

Oblios_Cap April 25, 2011 at 11:14 am

I'm sure there will be no costs associated with the transition to the new plan and issuance of said "thrift shop credit cards". No costs even close to $200,000.

neiltheblaze April 25, 2011 at 11:15 am

For fuck's sake, are there no workhouses?

nounverb911 April 25, 2011 at 11:43 am

That's phase two of the plan.

trumpbly_joe April 25, 2011 at 11:52 am

What about prisons? We still have those, right?

Rarian Rakista April 25, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Prison made furniture is just the beginning, just wait till prisoners – maybe you! – are making our 6th generation iPods after China births out a middle class.

Naked_Bunny April 25, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Plenty of rich people could make better use of their young, healthy organs.

Gleem_McShineys April 25, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Hey now! Koch hired cancer-scientists to solve this problem! He (probably) doesn't even need your organs!

widestanceroman April 25, 2011 at 11:15 am

Surely someone has figured out how to bundle bastards for Orphan Default Swaps so they could make money for God's chosen rich, instead of picking their pockets.

NorthStarSpanx April 25, 2011 at 11:41 am

We are doomed to repeat history.

The great Ronnie Reagan shut down all those costly mental hospitals, unleashing a tide of anti-social homeless to rub elbows with businessmen, causing an upswelling of violent robberies and manslaughter, what are these ill-dressed children going to do when they age-out of the system?

CalamityJames April 25, 2011 at 11:15 am

Well I, for one, welcome our new Dickensian Overlords.

bumfug April 25, 2011 at 11:16 am

If they'd just get rid of the job-killing child pornography laws these kids could be bringing in some real money.

arihaya April 25, 2011 at 11:16 am

yes yes .. but what about those scary Muslins in Dearborn?

they will institute Shareea and force convert all of Michigan ??!!!

Frost/Nixon/Robocop April 25, 2011 at 11:17 am

The real solution is to end unconstitutional child labor laws. That way orphans can make their own clothes while working in textile mills.

freakishlywrong April 25, 2011 at 11:30 am

Look for it in a wingnut legislature near you. Coming soon!

WhatTheHolyHeck April 25, 2011 at 11:34 am

Gary Johnson is glad to oblige!

SorosBot April 25, 2011 at 11:43 am

Not coming soon; it's already happening, in Maine; and the bill would allow employers to pay children under minimum wage: http://www.mpbn.net/Home/tabid/36/ctl/ViewItem/mi

And you probably just thought you were joking, but the modern GOP is beyond satire.

PubOption April 25, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Has been suggested in Missouri.

SorosBot April 25, 2011 at 11:17 am

You know, those foster kids are completely unproductive and my coal mine could use some workers, just saying…

V572..whatever April 25, 2011 at 12:24 pm

They can get in those narrow "galleries" the bloated adult union miners are afraid to crawl down, and bring out lumps of coal with their cute little hands. Win/win!

DaRooster April 25, 2011 at 11:18 am

" Caswell said children will still get close to that $79…"

Close? $7 or $9 would be close… they are only missing one digit.

JoshuaNorton April 25, 2011 at 11:19 am

So how's that "keep the government off our back" thingy workin' out for ya Mr. Wingnut?

KenLayIsAlive April 25, 2011 at 11:36 am

Americans can now only have thrift store government on their backs.

chicken_thief April 25, 2011 at 11:19 am

I wonder which of Snyder's pals are in the "card that only works at Goodwill, SA, etc" biz….

BTW, if you notice the extreme care that little sponge on the government's teat is taking of that bowl – once he eats his ration of gruel he can use the bowl for a haircut guide.

littlebigdaddy April 25, 2011 at 11:21 am

WaPo take on this: "Although we believe the Michigan GOP proposal goes too far, we welcome their injection of a serious policy proposal into the fraught debate about the pros and cons of feeding and clothing orphans."

OvertonWindolt April 25, 2011 at 11:30 am

The worst thing about this comment was the fact that I wasn't entirely sure it was a joke. Oh WaPo, what have you become?

Nothingisamiss April 25, 2011 at 11:57 am

WaPo believes there is "fraught debate about the pros and cons of feeding and clothing orphans?"

So highly charged! Why, there are protestors on nearly every corner. Americans are divided! "Do orphans deserve to live?" CNN will debate this subject soon.

thedeathofirony April 25, 2011 at 11:25 am

I'm confused. Wouldn't a republican governor want tax money to go to a corporation (Target, Wallmart) and not to a thrift store?

emmelemm April 25, 2011 at 12:14 pm

As someone noted above, many thrift stores (such as the Salvation Army) are faith-based; thus, they fall into the umbrella of "things GOPers will funnel money towards".

nounverb911 April 25, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Do thrift stores pay taxes?

OvertonWindolt April 25, 2011 at 11:25 am

Michigan is becoming a GOP paradise. Tax cuts for the rich and poor naked children? Mark Foley is selling his house and moving today.

SorosBot April 25, 2011 at 11:27 am

And jinx!

Thurman Munster IV April 25, 2011 at 11:27 am

Given when this bit of historical nonfiction came to light, we should have an Easter Carol story. Wherein Republicans can be crucified by Easters past, present and future until they learn something, anything about humanity. Mel Gibson to direct since he's such a sadist when it comes to these crucifixion things. I'd really like to see the Koch Bros and various GOP governors being tortured. Call it the Life of Snyder

horsedreamer_1 April 25, 2011 at 11:30 am

Unfortunately, the Left doesn't have the same unity as the Right.

Today, we are all the Judean People's Front Popular People's Front of Judea Judean Popular People's Front Judean People's Front Suicide Squad.

bagofmice April 25, 2011 at 11:28 am

How else do you become the goddamn batman?

Nixon_So_Fine April 25, 2011 at 11:30 am

These "orphans"…can they be eaten?

Ducksworthy April 25, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Something I might have expected from Zoidberg. Shame on you sir or madam, assuming you are human.

[redacted]hse April 25, 2011 at 11:31 am

This story just sticks in my craw, maybe because these drooling, half-witted toilet lickers are PROUD of themselves. I can't get past the sheer pettiness of the intent.
WTF. Is this America? Then God, Jesus, and the world should despise us.

Sue4466 April 25, 2011 at 11:31 am

This is an idea from the same sort of people who complain that they once saw someone in a grocery store using foodstamps and buying a birthday cake. Poor people aren't supposed to have nice things. If they wanted nice things, they should not have been born poor, stupid bastards.

BeWoot April 25, 2011 at 11:55 am

Wasn't it also a Michigan GOP-er who put forward a bill limiting welfare recipients to possessing $20 or less in cash? (Or maybe that was Minnesota … or Ohio. The "midwest" has gone completely to hell.)

BTW–more image conscious party leaders have prevailed in Michigan for the moment, and Rep. Bozo the Scrooge has now withdrawn his bill. Shame? No. Discretion? Eventually.

Sue4466 April 25, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Thanks for the update on the bill, but you're also right: it's hard to be terribly happy about this when it's for really the wrong completely beside the point reasons (i.e., party image rather than common fucking decency).

You know, I also wonder how many calls he got from retailers complaining about dipping into their profits by directing business away from them? gotta think that's the dealbreaker for the GOP.

Ducksworthy April 25, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Humiliation of uppity Black youth is a core value and always worthwhile.

Sue4466 April 25, 2011 at 2:34 pm

I'm pretty sure that's part of the GOP platform.

Sue4466 April 25, 2011 at 11:32 am

There's also the complete naked cynicism of politicians suggesting that this is the fiscally responsible thing to do. Paraphrasing here, but: "We have to make sure your tax dollars don't go to supporting the lavish lifestyle of foster kids, moms on welfare, teachers, undocumented workers, fire fighters, etc. Because those are the people who caused the economic collapse and all the problems in this country. We'll make sure folks on foodstamps can't buy their kids a birthday cake! Their kids will shop in thrift stores! That will solve all our problems. Meanwhile, please ignore all the money we fling at corporate welfare whores who donate to our campaigns and you poors keep fighting amongst yourselves. GodblessAmercia!"

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 10:27 pm

"Paraphrasing here"

No, you're not, unfortunately.

Terry April 25, 2011 at 11:33 am

Honestly, the GOP'ers are starting to sound like the writers at The Onion develop their ideas for them.

littlebigdaddy April 25, 2011 at 11:59 am

Yeah, it does make one think there might be an agent provacateur in their midst, but, naw, they really are that pig-fucking stupid.

ChessieNefercat April 25, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Picture the poor Onion writers, tossing and turning, sobbing and unable to sleep: "Guys, we were kidding! Dont you understand? We do satire! It was a fucking joke!"

Not a policy manual.

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Not to mention the stress they must be under from trying to come up with satire that actually outstrips reality.

ChessieNefercat April 26, 2011 at 12:06 am

How long before they become the newspaper of record?

Nixon_So_Fine April 25, 2011 at 11:33 am

moar riley, btw! ftw! stfu! lol!

BZ1 April 25, 2011 at 11:33 am

The Salvation Army, Goodwill and thrift stores have gift cards?

poorgradstudent April 25, 2011 at 11:35 am

I think these politicians are getting all the wrong lessons from Charles Dickens. (Hint: You're not supposed to root for Mr. Bounderby.)

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Just, for the love of all that is holy, don't let them read the fable of the ant and the grasshopper!

Nothingisamiss April 25, 2011 at 11:35 am

Fucking fuck this story when I've already decided to have my own little depression today.

I hate these fucking republicans [redacted due to R word not working] and have no snark at this time.

DemmeFatale April 25, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Yes, I tried to think of something funny to say but all my thoughts were blocked by: "kill me now!"

Poindexter718 April 25, 2011 at 11:38 am

Double whammy, as it will drive up prices paid by the goth/emo/hipster spawn of liberal elites who like to buy ironic duds at thrift stores.
And win-win for the fashionable right, as, new flat-front Dockers prices will be unaffected, nor will that of Lane Bryant and Talbots merchandise.

OneYieldRegular April 25, 2011 at 11:40 am

Oh come on – what's missing here is good old American ingenuity. With a $79 gift card for Goodwill, any kid with a sense of creativity and American can-do spirit could put together a dashing outfit made of ugly glass vases, broken Ikea furniture, dog-earred Jodi Picoult paperbacks, and a "Frampton Comes Alive" LP.

(But seriously, whoever came up with this brilliant cost-saving idea needs to be called out, put in stocks, and endlessly humiliated).

GOPCrusher April 25, 2011 at 3:47 pm

While your idea of public humiliation, is a worthy one, I am quite sure that the person that came up with this idea is proud of the fact and can't understand why it hadn't been thought of before and wildly supported as the Greatest Thing Since Sliced, White Bread.

PabaBritannica April 25, 2011 at 11:40 am

This is just a BAILOUT for BIG THRIFT STORE. Keep those hipsters fat and happy, morans!

BZ1 April 25, 2011 at 11:43 am

Let's see, $1.4 billion in the hole, take away $1.8 billion in tax cuts… Hey, we make .4 billion, (I think…)

nounverb911 April 25, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Another fine graduate of the Bernie Maddof School of Counting.

GOPCrusher April 25, 2011 at 3:50 pm

It's not that Americans aren't taxed enough, it's that we spend too much. Why should the state spend any money on foster children? They should just have an weekly auction and sell them off to the highest bidder.

Sue4466 April 25, 2011 at 11:43 am

There's also nothing in the current system that prevents foster kids from shopping at thrift stores. This bill is an attempt at shaming for more than just not being able to buy new. It's also we have to tell the poors what to do because they're too stupid to make their own choices. It's wrapped up in the idea that poor people are poor because they're stupid, worthless, lazy, etc. That's the shaming that bothers me the most.

Not to mention the practical realities of WTF do the kids do when the store doesn't have anything in their size? Thrift stores don't have vendors supplying a wide variety of sizes, they're depending on donations. But that's the point, right? the poor should be dependent on the kindness of strangers. Let's never let them forget that.

BaldarTFlagass April 25, 2011 at 11:56 am

Yeah, little Johnny is gonna look pretty odd in my 38/30 Docker's with the frayed cuffs and all them 2X t-shirts with the holes and used oil stains.

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 10:36 pm

"It's also we have to tell the poors what to do because they're too stupid to make their own choices."

Well, obviously they *are*! It couldn't be because their families are paid crap wages, or because one illness can bankrupt an entire family, or because the kids got taken away from abusive or incapacitated parents. It's because they don't understand the value of thrift, saving, and hard work — you know, the way rich people do.

Dudleydidwrong April 25, 2011 at 10:59 pm

The slap in the face is also to the foster parents who are assumed to be too stupid to make intelligent choices for their foster child(ren). Over the years we kept six foster children and those kids were as savvy as our own three (one adopted) when it came to what to wear and how others perceived and thought of them. This Michigan "bright idea" is about as demeaning a thing as could be created. These people are just plain mean.

WhatTheHeck April 25, 2011 at 11:43 am

Didn’t we just observe a holy day, yesterday, remembering a man whose mission was to help these unwanted children?
Republicans have really short memories.

Nothingisamiss April 25, 2011 at 12:01 pm

They've never put "help the poor" and Jesus into the same sentence, unless it's "Jesus! Why are there so many tax-sucking orphans around here?"

DashboardBuddha April 25, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Not short…just selective.

GeneralLerong April 25, 2011 at 12:17 pm

"Suffer the little children" can apparently be transmogrified into the dictate to let "The little children suffer."

That is, if you're a Republican. Slackass so-called "Independents" and Dems look on, chewing fingernails in lieu of action.

DustBowlBlues April 25, 2011 at 2:16 pm

General, you've put your finger on it. The conservatards all use the King James translation, so they are completely confused about what that passage means. (Are we not allowed to call people 'tards now?)

PubOption April 25, 2011 at 12:20 pm

The Republican bible has inserted a comma into the phrase 'suffer little children..'.

Doktor Zoom April 25, 2011 at 12:23 pm

No, no, no, you see, Jesus only wanted private individuals to help the poor. Manly Jebus knows that Gummint "help" for the poors actually harms them, because it just does.

GOPCrusher April 25, 2011 at 3:55 pm

What did the Romans ever give us?

Nothingisamiss April 25, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Laws!

Other than laws…

Nothingisamiss April 25, 2011 at 11:44 am

The new dumpster diving bag program will be cut later this year.

proudgrampa April 25, 2011 at 11:44 am

We are so freakin' doomed.

If we can't take care of our children, … Oh, fuckit, we are so freakin' doomed. And I am going to get started on my cocktail hour. Hey, it's five o'clock somewhere.

Gopherit April 25, 2011 at 11:45 am

This is a brilliant precedent. When will the government officials start taking gift cards to mcdonalds and thrift stores in lieu of pay checks?

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 10:41 pm

Hell, why bother with paychecks? Just pay 'em in scrip and let them buy everything at the company store.

Steverino247 April 25, 2011 at 11:45 am

Custer at Gettysburg: "Come on, you Wolverines!"

Snyder in Michigan: "Feed them to the wolverines!"

How things have changed in 150 years.

[redacted]hse April 25, 2011 at 12:55 pm

He must have noticed where it got Custer.

Steverino247 April 25, 2011 at 3:24 pm

No, I'm pretty sure Custer got himself there without any help. He and his men hounded Lee into surrendering at the end of the Civil War, but then he gets himself killed in a major fuck up during the Indian Wars, ending and ruining his resume at the same time.

arihaya April 25, 2011 at 9:35 pm

yeah Custer was a great cavalry commander until before that facepalm encounter

natoslug April 25, 2011 at 11:45 am

The cards aren't free, so you're actually giving them more money when you give them cards. So really, the ungrateful little bastards should be thankful for the extra spending money (even if the extra just goes to whatever corporate sponsor thought up this plan and is supplying the cards at a premium).

PubOption April 25, 2011 at 12:04 pm

I assume that some foster parents will not use the cards, and buy new clothes with their own money. I very much doubt that the card issuers will refund the unused amount to the state, more probably recycle it to the politicians as campaign contributions. Win – win situation?

Monsieur_Grumpe April 25, 2011 at 11:50 am

Hey Chuck Moss, did you know there is a surplus of burlap bags right now? Always in fashion, breathes like fine Egyptian cotton and machine washable. And if you can’t afford a washing machine river water and rocks are no problem. Don’t worry, the old potato smell will go away in a few weeks.

GeneralLerong April 25, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Lice like the fabric texture, too, so there's the bonus of always having little pets. If you survive the typhus.

Cicada April 25, 2011 at 11:50 am

Wow. Are we sure Gov. Snyder isn't a secret liberal? Because I honestly can't think of a better example of what is wrong with conservatism than this fucked-up give to the rich and steal from the foster kids plan.

Jesus fucking christ.

Gopherit April 25, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Since when is it a conservative value to tell people how to spend money. That's not capitalist transcendence. It sounds like a payoff to big thrift store to me.

Redhead April 25, 2011 at 11:52 am

Well with the current GOP trends, the teachers are probably next in the budget cuts. No teachers, no school, no need for school clothes! Problem solved.

LouBristol April 25, 2011 at 11:53 am

Instead of buying surplus military clothing for kids, sell the surplus kids to the military. Market-based solution FTW!

Gorillionaire April 25, 2011 at 11:53 am

The Salvation Army, who we can assume would benefit from this scam at least a little, spent a shitload of money to build a summer resort for themselves not far from my old hometown, on land that was donated to them. Only "officers" (whatever the fuck that means) of the Salvation Army are allowed to use it. There is charity at work, suckers.

imissopus April 25, 2011 at 11:55 am

I'm worried this will further deplete our nation's pluckiness reserves.

zappadoo76 April 25, 2011 at 11:58 am

$200,000 is a drop in a $1.4 billion budget bucket, but it's a huge amount to these kids. The point of this cut is humiliation, not budget-balancing. But then, that's the punishment every one of these children deserves for not having the sense to peddle the ass God gave him.

SayItWithWookies April 25, 2011 at 12:05 pm

And after the dear little urchins are properly dressed in their cast-offs and hand-me-downs they can start in on cleaning the ashes out of the fireplace.

Kakkeltje April 25, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Ha! No more worshipping for you now you are no longer a fetus, you orphan!

DashboardBuddha April 25, 2011 at 12:16 pm

No shit, eh? I think that pretty much sums up the right in all of its tawdry facets. Ohhhh, widdle fetus needs our pwotection…widdle born child can go fuck himself.

Gopherit April 25, 2011 at 12:29 pm

The republicans hate taxes but love tolls. The bitch will be getting booths installed next to every vaginia.

ChessieNefercat April 25, 2011 at 12:06 pm

By his own account, Caswell had a functioning, present father and family. The foster kids don't.

To pick out a shirt brand new ($5 from China/Walmart, for crying out loud) in your size in a color you like or a crummy, but new pair of Payless shoes not painfully pre-shaped to someone else's feet is an experience to be treasured by kids with little reason to believe in the world, let alone themselves.

We are talking $79 a year, people. Seventy nine dollars. A year.

So a kid whose life is crap in so many ways can sit in his or her classroom on the first day of school and feel good about themselves, maybe good enough to think they might be good at this school stuff.

Caswell is a an uncaring, unfeeling, ignorant brute. I'm at work on my lunch hour and I'm afraid I'm going to start crying.

[redacted]hse April 25, 2011 at 12:37 pm

It's even worse. They were already getting a $79 clothing stipend- this just tells them where to spend it. The evilness of these "Christians" is beyond comprehension. When your priority is to remove human dignity from disadvantaged children, you must be branded with the Mark of the Beast.
GOP, Fuck you all to hell.

ChessieNefercat April 26, 2011 at 12:10 am

"When your priority is to remove human dignity from disadvantaged children, you must be branded with the Mark of the Beast. "

Oh, how I would like to see this on a huge signboard across the street from Caswell's house. Or outside the capitol building in Lansing. So perfectly stated.

DahBoner April 25, 2011 at 12:10 pm

"Mich. To Solve Deficit By Making Foster Kids Buy Their Clothes At Thrift Stores"

Whaaat?

And turn these kids into hipsters wearing vintage clothing?

Well, the 90's are coming back into style…

imissopus April 25, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Too bad these kids aren’t fetuses, then the GOP would scream itself hoarse defending them.

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 10:46 pm

It's not beyond possibility that some of these kids are disabled.
Maybe some of them are even mentally disabled or have a learning disability, or even a chromosomal abnormality.
The boycott that is sure to result from this persecution of them will…
Wait, what?

phlox✔ April 25, 2011 at 12:19 pm

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune.
To lose both looks like carelessness.

mrblifil April 25, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Wait, wait what is going on around here. Many people are advocating the deaths of these poor children. But I say to you: why gas or otherwise destroy them when it is eminently more practical to induce people to pay for the pleasure of fucking them?

Gopherit April 25, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Those train tracks aren't going to lay themselves. TRAINS!

MozakiBlocks April 25, 2011 at 12:24 pm

I believe this Caswell fellow has misintertrepted Matthew 19:14*

*King James version

gef05 April 25, 2011 at 12:27 pm

$1.8 billion in tax cuts.

This is further proof that there are few actual budget shortfalls, there are few actual financial challenges. Like Republicans – and Democrats – in many states, the Republicans in Michigan have defined what is a shortfall, and what is a challenge, and have acted in accordance with their own agendas.

Cunts.

Doktor Zoom April 25, 2011 at 12:33 pm

These cake-sniffing orphans will also have to go live in the Orphan Shack.

Naked_Bunny April 25, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Does Michigan have mines? Kids fit into small places.

Naked_Bunny April 25, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Also, it's easy to churn out replacements from the broodmares.

Negropolis April 25, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Yes, in the UP. Mostly copper mines.

Naked_Bunny April 25, 2011 at 12:36 pm

The only question is what to do with all this extra money.

$200,000 will get you two state-funded visits from Sarah Palin. Send the kids to listen to her speak. (Make sure they wear their good clothes!)

imissopus April 25, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Too bad these kids aren't fetuses or retaaahds (Boston pronunciation), then the GOP would scream itself hoarse defending them.

schacht99 April 25, 2011 at 12:42 pm

I am may be signing my own death warrant on this forum by asking, but couldn't the governor's tax breaks for businesses help the poor and orphans, i.e. tax breaks for business = increased business vitality/growth = ability to create jobs = stable income for families = wealth to adopt orphans.

Does this make sense to anyone besides me?

fuflans April 25, 2011 at 2:36 pm

not really, no.

DustBowlBlues April 25, 2011 at 2:37 pm

"Does this make sense to anyone besides me?"

How many times have you seen "The Blind Side" for chrissakes?

One word answer to your question: No.

ChessieNefercat April 25, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Your first premise is wrong.

Tax breaks for business doesn't equal increased business vitality/growth leading to more jobs, etc., etc.

Tax breaks for businesses equals more profit to owners, dividends to shareholders, etc. All going to private pockets. The tax breaks are not plowed back into the economy.

loulouroo April 25, 2011 at 3:52 pm

We've had that "trickle down" nonsense in effect since the end of the Carter administration. Is the economy better? NO. Increased profits go into trust funds and off-shore accounts. These people can't possibly spend as much money as they are making, so it doesn't stimulate the economy. Furthermore, they use tax breaks and bail out money to move operations overseas. No jobs. But this doesn't even save Michigan much money. It's just to humilate children. As if being shuffled through state foster home placement wasn't stigmatizing enough, now they want to mark them by dressing them like waifs. My guess is it's a kickback to a donor, and a way to funnel money to churches without that pesky Church/State separation thingy getting in the way.

frostbitefalls April 25, 2011 at 3:57 pm

No.

GOPCrusher April 25, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Where are the millions of jobs from the last ten years of the Bush Tax Cuts to "the job creators"?
Guess you answered your own question. And the answer if "No.".

imissopus April 25, 2011 at 10:01 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Someone still believes in trickle-down theory! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Seriously dude, put down the Paul Ryan budget proposal and back sloooooowly away.

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 10:50 pm

"Does this make sense to anyone besides me?"

I'm thinking that perhaps you haven't been paying attention to the transfer of wealth that's taken place over the past 30 years, and its effects.

Does it [your theory] make sense?
Perhaps.
Can anyone recall an instance in which a corporation has actually used their truckloads of money to benefit people, create jobs, or do anything else producing a positive result for anyone but their CEOs?

*crickets chirping*

However, credit where it is due to you for being polite instead of just calling us a bunch of commies.

One_Man_Band April 25, 2011 at 11:20 pm

What everybody else said before me: NO.

outragedcitizen April 25, 2011 at 12:47 pm

See this is a win/win for the GOP in Michigan – foster kids are too young to vote AND they do not have relatives that vote! Sheer genius!

I sure hope there is a Hell with a very special place for these bastards.

metamarcisf April 25, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Has anyone thought of turning this controversy into a Broadway Musical?

AJW@[redacted] April 25, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Hasn't "Slumdog" been done to death already?

Dudleydidwrong April 25, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Like "Oliver"?

Naked_Bunny April 25, 2011 at 12:49 pm

What is it with Republicans reading Dickens and Orwell and thinking to themselves, "Hmm! That sounds like a great idea!"

a_pink_poodle April 25, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Never before as a foster kid wanted more!

Geminisunmars April 25, 2011 at 12:51 pm

2nd hand clothing is appropriate. After all – they are just 2nd hand kids.

AynWithStupid April 25, 2011 at 12:56 pm

hole-heartedly… I saw what you did there…

Sue4466 April 25, 2011 at 12:56 pm

And you'd be left feeling pretty bad about yourself, which is what Caswell calls a perk of the new program.

Beowoof April 25, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Newt Gingrich thought orphanages would be a good idea when he became speaker to cut down on the foster care costs. I bet we could really bring the costs down if the Catholic Church could run them for us. Win Win?

Naked_Bunny April 25, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Can foster kids spend their clothing allowance on brand-new wooden barrels?

GOPCrusher April 25, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Can foster kids build brand new wooden barrels?

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Yes, and where are they supposed to get the suspenders from?

Dudleydidwrong April 25, 2011 at 11:21 pm

I thought old barrels all went to Jack Daniels. Maybe when they're through with them…

Naked_Bunny April 25, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Why is the government involved with foster care at all? Can't we just give these kids to Catholic priests?

crybabyboehner April 25, 2011 at 1:15 pm

but what about our PAIN AT THE PUMP?

DaSandman April 25, 2011 at 1:16 pm

To hell with clothing. Make the little fuckers forage for their food in the woods. It will increase their sense of independance and self reliance.

Just like Paul LePage, the great Franco American Teabag governor of Maine. No wait, yikes, he was a Lewiston rent boy.

Bad example. Sorry.

horsedreamer_1 April 25, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Viven les Strokes!

Limeylizzie April 25, 2011 at 1:36 pm

This is why state schools in England have school uniforms, so even the poor and wretched kids look the same as the rich ones-trust me , I know of which I speak, so to make these kids have to wear super shitty clothes makes me want to strangle these bastards.

OurHoboSenator April 25, 2011 at 1:38 pm

These fuckers are thoroughly convinced that women keep getting knocked up just for a few extra food stamps. I guess it's not a huge leap from there to believing that sneaky kids force their parents to beat them up so they can go into foster care and get that SWEET SWEET $79 in free clothes.

Ugh. I hate this world. If anyone needs me, I'll be crying under my desk.

carlgt1 April 25, 2011 at 1:52 pm

O: "Please sir, I want some more!"
T: SOCIALIST!

Bill Sikes was a compassionate conservative…

__kth__ April 25, 2011 at 2:03 pm

You can really see the gears turning in the wingnuts' heads on this one: everytime they see a black kid wearing FUBU or Sean John, they wonder, can't someone do something about this?

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 10:58 pm

"You notice They always have money for cigarettes" — some bigoted old shithead

El Pinche April 25, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Is that one of Mitt Romney's kids asking for more Cookie Crisp cereal? Sorry, too much chocolate, bucko.

DustBowlBlues April 25, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Or spend over a hundred thousand dollars lobbying for Bush's ersatz "faith based initiative" so they could get federal money without sacrificing the right to discriminate against gays in hiring. I'm assuming not in clientele, but who knows?

BTWBFDIMHO April 25, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Nice. They're all going to look like Ahmadinejad.

guangho April 25, 2011 at 2:11 pm

I see the 271st day of pregnancy is still the hardest for the GOP.

Ducksworthy April 25, 2011 at 2:13 pm

And if you're careful about what you feed 'em the only grow very very slowly, if at all.

WinterOuthouse April 25, 2011 at 2:19 pm

We were foster parents. The 'state' doesn't give these kids enough to survive on. Families (most) that take in a foster child do it because they have hearts and social responsibility. Most foster families can ill afford taking on a(nother) child, but they do. I loved my foster child. We gave him all we could and all the love we had in our hearts, plus steady counseling, adaptive skills and support when he realized his parents were idiots. The child graduated high school, went on to college and became a computer genius.

So, Shove it up your ass Synder. I hope you rot in a hell of your own making assface!

GOPCrusher April 25, 2011 at 4:07 pm

I ask again, how can a state in such economic turmoil like Michigan go from having Jennifer Granholm to Snyder as Governor?
It just doesn't make any fucking sense.

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Bless your heart, you sound like good people.

One of my co-workers used to be a foster mom. She and her husband had four kids of their own, and didn't make all that much even with both parents working full-time, yet somehow they found the wherewithal to feed, house, clothe, and get medical care for the foster kids, and believe me, some of those kids' histories would curl your hair.

Let's just say that a good deer season kept that family eating through the winter.

Dudleydidwrong April 25, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Amen. We had six foster children (see my earlier post somewhere back in the pack). If you thought you could make money off of being a foster parent, I've got some old credit default swaps and Florida condo deeds to sell you.

If you can find time to get to Snyder and shove something (large and second-hand) up his ass, let me know and I'll help.

Sue4466 April 25, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Shame will keep them from become uppity workers who expect a decent wage, vacation time, benefits, retirement, or healthcare. Demonize the people who want those things as greedy undeserving bloodsucking socialists (but corporations who want more profits are patriotic Americans pursuing capitalist ideals).

I have similar acquaintances, the ones who think everyone on food stamps or in assisted housing should be subjected to random drug tests as a condition of receiving government largesse. These are people who simultaneously claim to love the Constitution. Just not for "those people."

GOPCrusher April 25, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Not only drug tests, but also should not be allowed to own a cell phone, cable TV, or a decent vehicle.

fuflans April 25, 2011 at 3:07 pm

as i am very late to the 'MI orphan bashing extravaganza' thread and the wonkette is generally brilliant, i will only say this makes me very very sad for my country.

XOhioan April 25, 2011 at 3:24 pm

This is because all foster children will buy those big puffy hippity-hop coats with their 79 dollars. At Salvation Army, there are only respectable Republican cloth coats that smell like mothballs.

GOPCrusher April 25, 2011 at 3:25 pm
hagajim April 25, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Let me guess….Snyder appointed a Mr. Fagan to oversee all the foster kids in Michigan?

frostbitefalls April 25, 2011 at 3:54 pm

I'm thinking especially of teenagers who've been removed from their parents because of abuse and neglect. They are lonely and isolated and ashamed. But no, let's not give them a new pair of jeans, or let them select the latest fashion (tacky as it is) so they can fit in a little better with the other kids at school.

I'm sorry, this just makes me want to cry. These kids are the so fucking vulnerable and shit on. By everybody.

reliefsinn April 25, 2011 at 7:52 pm

I stopped going to Goodwill long ago. The prices are too high ! They want 3 and 4 times what I sell the stuff for in my store !!!

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 9:19 pm

And if THAT doesn't kill off the little shits, we'll start phase 2 (hint: it contains the word "soylent").

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 10:17 pm

We know it will work, because that's how they do it in the diamond mines.

tessiee April 25, 2011 at 10:38 pm

"Shame will force them into becoming productive workers."

Or, since there aren't any jobs left, will at least make them feel like crap. It's all good.

Snarkfest April 25, 2011 at 10:44 pm

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT. I’m a prophet! err. . Psychic!

Or maybe I just know these bastards are too chicken shit to go after grown-ups who have even a smidgen of power.

Check it http://snarkfest.deviantart.com/#/d39w67g

Negropolis April 25, 2011 at 11:24 pm

The jokes on Snyder. The recall process has already begun.

Less than this being something by Snyder, it's something proposed by are absolutely bat-shit insane legislature we elected in November. Snyder just hasn't had the balls to beat back all of their bat-shit insane legislation.

ChessieNefercat April 26, 2011 at 12:16 am

What I noticed about this thread was how many people (myself included) just wanted to cry. I also noticed that it was pretty much uninfested by trolls.

Evidently they couldn't think of way to make having the state step in to humiliate kids already abused by everyone else in their lives sound patriotic. They can all rot in hell with Caswell.

schvitzatura April 26, 2011 at 4:14 am

Wackford Squeers Endorsed and Approved!

Dotheboys Hall, FTW!

ChessieNefercat April 26, 2011 at 12:02 am

And so much pithier than my revised motto.

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