Here is the morning’s top non-news story: Famous terrorist organization Wikileaks has released Top Secret documents which suggest that America’s Permanent Detention Center in Cuba is full of innocent people! How could this be? The leaked Detainee Assessment Briefs also include “intelligence” coerced from detainees, after they were “interrogated.” For instance, al-Qaeda has allegedly “hidden a nuclear weapon in Europe for detonation should Osama Bin laden be captured.” Haha, Osama bin Laden had rotting kidneys, so he’s definitely already dead. (Unless of course he had a hand-held dialysis machine — an iDialysis? — that he used “on the go,” while running away from Navy SEALs in the mountain caves of Tora Bora.) Or maybe Osama bin Laden still works for the CIA? We’ll probably never know! At any rate: Gitmo is full of “drivers, farmers and chefs.” We are monsters, never forget. [BBC]
The Taliban freed more than 400 prisoners (“drivers, farmers and chefs”) from an Afghan rape prison. [CNN]
“The judge and attorneys in Rod Blagojevich’s corruption retrial on Monday were set to resume the daunting task of selecting jurors who can put aside what they’ve heard about the high-profile case and give the former Illinois governor a fair trial.” [AP]
Your Wonkette is attending the White House Easter Egg Roll this morning! We are running late. Wish us luck!