We obviously haven’t seen the movie and were never able to get through more than a few pages (even while high) of the doorstop novel, but this web review of Atlas Shrugged was still the most enjoyable thing we read tonight … mostly because it compares the movie to John Travolta’s fantastic adaptation of Ayn Rand’s other great book, Dianetics:
Battlefield: Earth is still my favorite film in the “so unbelievably bad you have to see it to believe it” genre, and it shares many similarities with Atlas Shrugged. Both are cynical efforts to extract money from the wallets of blindly devoted followers of a patently silly belief system / cult of personality.
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Here's a review you can count on:
The film is indeed absolute cack: appallingly written, witlessly directed and acted as if by mice being tortured. It makes Teletubbies look like The Iliad in comparison. The book was WAY worse.
Hold out on that last sentence until we get to the big 20 minute speech in part 3.
Except that's probably never gonna happen, considering part 1's failure in the Free Market.
Jeebus…the speech, if read out loud (and it was, for the Books on Tape version) runs 3 hours. Condensed to movie time, 20 minutes might be an understatement.
This film reminds me of the Internet Star Trek episodes that fans are still making – they're doing it for the lulz, not for anything resembling profit. Which is pretty damn funny considering Atlas Shrugged is all about profit.
I can haz raep scene nao?
Yes, but I'll bet those fan-made star trek episodes have better acting, and more plausible / more human dialogue.
May I be the first to suggest a Mormon/Latter Day Saints movie to round out the wacky-cult trilogy?
NOYOUMAYNOT!!!!
That was a TV show instead; the original 70s Battlestar Gallactica.
Oh, and that's not a joke, it was created by Mormons as Mormon propaganda.
Like Saturday's Warrior? Or maybe that horrible little film they make you watch while going through the temple and being rubbed d0wn with olive oil by old men?
Pick one, any one.
http://www.ldsfilm.com/
From the picture: The dude in the middle is married to all of the women behind him, but the other dude is the one he really loves?
Gah! I obviously posted 8 hours too late. Is SLC Punk in that list?
WTF does Pacey mean when referring to a movie??? Is that good??? The only Pacey I know now is on that show about the monsters on Fox.
No. No Donnie and Marie re-runs, either.
However, I do highly recommend "The Book of Mormon" on Broadway. Too few original musicals these days, especially based on kooky 19th century American religious movements that somehow outlived their con artist founders.
I would love to see Stone & Parker follow it up with a musical adaptation of Battlefield Earth. I'd watch that.
How 'bout a porno or hentai involving Joseph Smith or Brigham Young and their wives, concubines, etc.? The Mormons would shit themselves to death!
Hentai? Sure. Plenty of Mormons in East Asia (Korea, not Japan, of course). Does seem a little inauthentic, still.
Maybe Apocalypto remade with Samoans instead of Mayans, then?
Mormons in Korea? Are they getting paler?
Like Saturday's Warrior? Or maybe that horrible little film you have to sit through before going through the temple and letting old men rub you down with olive oil?
We did get that Mel Gibson Jesus thang, whatever it was called…
So as cult's films (as opposed to cult films) go, it doesn't sound like it measures up to the high standards of Left Behind or The Exorcism of Emily Rose.
And why is Ken trying to force us all to stay up late after a family obligation night? I for one need to get up tomorrow.
Because he's shutting it all down soon! Haven't you heard?
Ah yes, I forgot about the ads I had never seen before for horrible alleged pizza, frozen sausages or diapers.
Fade to shadowy screen. Scarlett yanks a radish from the barren wasteland that is Tara and heaves it back up again. As God as my witness, I will never go hungry for snark again!
At least my "Giving up on gay men?" banner is still here. Which is odd, because I'm much closer to giving up on straight women. Targeted ads need an adjustment.
If The Wonkette gets shut down then where will we go, what will we do?
Fade to shadowy screen. Scarlett grabs a radish from the barren wasteland that is now Tara and chokes it down and heaves it back up again.
As God as my witness, I will never go hungry for snark again!
Please, do not shut down. I cannot see myself, wandering the streets of my neighborhood, asking to borrow a cup of snark. It is just beneath me.
For the Rapture, 21 May?
In my idle collegiate youth I made it all the way to John Galt's speech before deciding that actual masturbation was preferable.
I've been wondering what to get you for your birthday on June 29th. I'm heading to E-bay right now to bid on the red swimsuit Farrah Fawcett poster.
Thanks for the review of a film I will never watch… much like never reading the book.
I bought Atlas Shrugged in 1993 – 35th Anniversary Edition because the book club said it was a "must read" literary classic. It's been collecting dust in a book case, but now I have learned that it makes an excellent doorstop. Or I guess I could put it to good use instead of buying Koch Bros toilet paper. No – not soft enough, but it would be good to use as kindling for a brush fire.
I'll throw in an old chestnut, "Plan Nine from Outer Space" where Bela Lugosi actually dies before the film is finished, but Director Ed Wood perseveres with a stand-in, his wife's chiropractor, who was taller and bore no resemblance whatsoever to Lugosi… I could go on, what, "Atlas Shrugged", yup, it stunk, too…
Ed Wood, however, is a fine piece of celluloid.
The first half is kind of fun; the 2d half is all a lecture from the aliens about what a warlike bunch of barbarians we are, and pretty boring.
At least we could watch P9FOS and laugh at it secure in the knowledge that this "so bad it's good" movie is just a movie.
However, with Atlas Shrugged is a way of life for many people, and not just socially awkward young men any more. That's way scarier than any kind of horror/scifi idea that was born out of Ed Wood's fevered brain.
I don't think they were propagandizing for anyone, just making shit up as they went along while lying about having a plan (see also: Lost).
You're thinking of the new one.
(Which actually held together really well, when you go back and watch it again.)
Can we skip part two of the trilogy and go straight to part three where all of the politicians die in the end?
Never read Atlas Shrugged, but I did read (well, skim over) The Fountainhead my senior year of high school after learning that I could get a partial college scholarship for writing the best analysis of the book while stupidly not realizing the analysis had to be positive. It was probably the worst book I've ever read, and as a dumb nerdy teen I read just about everything Piers Anthony ever wrote until 92 or 93.
If I recall correctly, the Fountainhead Scholarship was something like 2000 when I was in high-school, in the mid-90s. Would have covered about half-a-semester of room & board.
The key with Anthony, as best I can remember, is to stop before he gets into the word Panties in the title. Not kidding.
Sweet Zombie Jeebus Ken, at least on Thankgiving we get Burroughs, I had to spend all day with relatives and this is my reward?
Times are hard, times are hard.
Rand Paul and Paul Ryan envision themselves as John Galt. Which other two bit incompetent no talent teabaggers see themselves as Galt?
All of them?
Ever wonder who cleaned the toilets or grew the food in Galt's Gulch?
Interesting: Do all these exceptional folks just wish for food and a clean place to poop and it suddenly materializes due to the all powerful invisible hand? Or do they reinstitute slavery for farmers and cleaning help? Or do they subsist on hobo beans and just shit all over, until they die of starvation and pestilence? I think the last alternative is the most likely and it makes me all warm and snuggly thinking about it.
Slavery, I suspect.
Michele Bachmann at a Drag King Show?
95% of what comes out of Hollywood is dreck. But is this POS worse than, say, Frozen or Eeeeyyyyeeessss Wiiiiiiddddddeeee Ssssshhhhhhuuutt?
Eyes Wide Shut had nudity. Atlas Shrugged? I hope not.
Oh, you didn't want to see St.Angie and ArmyHammer flesh entwined in 3D? Cause that's the "fancy" version.
I'm gonna wait for the Broadway musical… should be some real toe-tappers in this libertardian masterwork.
How bad does a movie have to be to score 6% on the Tomatometer? This bad.
Death Wish 3 has a 0% and it is one of the best "so bad it's funny" films. Much funnier than Battlefield: Earth, which isn't all that funny once you get used to Forrest Whittaker looking the way he does.
Is that a cross-eyes joke?
Tried to come up with pithy remark pointing out irony in Objectivists not being objective about shittiness of Atlas Shrugged movie. But then thought, Who the fuck cares?! We already know they're morally bankrupt assholes.
Objective reality is subjective construct.
Just because you say so doesn't make it true.
Wait…
He must realize that a story set in the future emphasizing the crucial role of trains in the economy is patently ridiculous.
Also ridiculous, the reason trains are so important is because gas is so expensive because of market-forces. And the answer to unsatisfactory treatment in the workplace is to go on strike. In a libertarian propaganda film, no less.
Actually what's ridiculous and stupid is that the US relies so heavily on trucks to move crap around.
IF TRUCKS STOP, AMERICA STOPS.
/seen on semi bumper stickers approximately during the era of "Fuck Ragheads" stickers with a picture of Ayatollah Khomeini.
All libertarians should visit Somalia. And if they survive, they can tell us all about what their political beliefs lead to.
Anarchists too.
google "somalia libertarian paradise" for some funny videos on that very subject.
Closer to home, during Beck-Stock last summer in Washington, someone satirically set up a "free market" food cart — where all the food (supposedly) was prepared without any of that nanny state government inspection. I wonder* if the Beck-Bots got the point.
________________
* just kidding, I don't wonder at all
Blogger – producer, commenter – looter.
Objectivist Taxonomy is my new, fun hobby.
"Who were they propagandizing for?"
The Cylons.
Are there Ayn Rand sex dolls? Do Randroids worship those inflatamates with incense etc.?
Even the invisible hand can't polish a turd.
I believe that "Nailin' Palin" will prove out to be the superior work.
Judging merely by ticket sales. It already is. More plausible script and the people getting fucked are on the screen whereas the Ayn Rand cultists are only getting fucked in their wallets.
Honestly, the bit actress they managed to rope into playing Dagny is pretty cute- I'd totally pirate the DVD rip and fast foward to the good parts, then delete the whole thing lest it infect the rest of my computer somehow, if they actually had shown anything.
Err, on the other hand, remembering how appalling the sex scenes in Rand's books were, maybe not.
Nailin Pailin was a penetrating examination of the innermost recesses etc blah; whereas that trains movie was based on a novel by the 20th centuries worst writer. And that's all anyone needs to know.
I read both of her Big Books Of Selfishness while starving for any kind of mental stimulation during consecutive Indian Ocean cruises. I was still young and impressionable, and was all like, "Yeah, keep yer dick-skinners off the fruit of my labors, you fucking leeches." Fortunately, I went to college after I left the Navy and learned to think critically.
I have figured out that any link that has the word "W*i*k*i*l*e*a*k*s" in the title is automatically blocked by the DoD firewall. Hell, I can't even post a comment without going all M*A*S*H with that word.
Ok, I had a disconnect there for a moment. I read "mental stimulation during consecutive Indian Ocean cruises" and thought, how the hell can someone be bored while on a cruise?!
Then I read, "after I left the Navy", and it all made sense. You weren't on a Carnival Cruise, were you…unless that's what you guys called your cruise missiles?
Yeah, it was like a Love Boat cruise, but the yacht was haze grey and 650 feet long and there were 475 guys and 0 females.
Love Boat cruise…So, it's true then.."It's not gay if you're under way (weigh?)?
(Sooooo kidding)
Serious question. I'm interested in military stuff…what ship?
Supply ship, USS White Plains, homeported in Yokosuka Japan and then Guam. Sunk as target practice back in 1995 or so. Some bad shit happened to her beginning several years after I left: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_White_Plains_(AF...
Ran across the ship's medical officer in DC a couple weeks ago, had not seen him in 27 years. Surprised that he even remembered me.
I'm surprised that reading Ayn Rand because there is nothing else isn't banned under the Geneva Convention.
Well, if the chow halls at our bases in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Kuwait are any indication, they probably show Fox News on the ship's closed circuit TV 24/7. I despair.
For me, the most Randian/Libertarian cinematic moment is the climactic fight-scene in Eagle vs. Shark: two emotionally-stunted adults grappling over long-ago rivalry, one in a wheelchair, the other boasting a monobrow.
I don't know about the rest of ya'll…but I'm tired of these motherfucking Randroids on the motherfucking Train.
Speaking as one who was lucky enough to hang out once with a few of the Merry Pranksters, "Get on the bus!"
I almost went and saw this ironically this weekend. But then I decided to wait until the DVD comes out and borrow it for free from the socialist library. Because that's just how moochers like me roll…
Shouldn't Randroids protest the spending of public monies on any Socialist Library copies of the book and movie?
Should be on Netflix Streaming by July sometime.
Libraries crush the freedom of creators, commie.
I sure if it was released in 3-D the reviews would have been much better. The objectivism just leaps off the screen!
OMG! TRAINS!
OMG! TRAINS INTO TUNNELS!
That's code for sexy-time, right?
The best reason to see this movie is–you got in free, after seeing another movie in the same theater, and you really need to take a dump, but you wandered into this movie by "accident" and you marvel about how comfortable and plush the toilets are in this restroom…
Sadly, there will be tons of teatards willing to plunk their hard-earned Ameros down to watch this POS. It had awful CGI and an unimaginative "John Galt Line" – basically someone took a 3D rendering of the Amtrak Acela trainset out of Microsoft Train Simulator or something like that, slighlty modified it to remove the logos, overhead wires, and pantograph, and bang – there's yer hi-tech, Miracle-Man rail line.
And Dagny Taggart drives a TOYOTA. I would have pegged her as a Cadillac woman.
The Microsoft clip-art movie poster isn't helping, either.
Ha ha!
http://www.boxofficemojo.com/weekend/chart/
#18, dropping 47.9% from its paltry opening during a weekend it added 166 screens.
That was the one with Michelle Trachtenberg as well, right? I remember completely unsurprised that it got canceled, because I'm a bit of a medical drama junkie, and as previously mentioned, the cast wasn't unappealing, and yet I found myself completely incapable of having any interest in watching it. At all.
NBC keeps trying to recapture the ER magic, but let's face it, that ain't gonna happen.
Maybe it's time for me to pitch my idea for St. Elsewhere: The Next Generation. Howie Mandel's not doing anything, is he? For that matter, how about Ed Begley Jr? Imagine Dr. Ehrlich, still a pig, as the hospital's electric-car driving administrator…
The behavior is sociopathic. But "polite America" doesn't use that word unless there's a very small, easily-videotaped crime scene.
I thought L Ron Hubbard wrote Dianetics???
You meant Soul Asylum right? I still love you.
What else do fascists do with Trains?
[I'm hitting the fleshy patch where your nuts used to be]
LENT IZ OVAH! LET THE GAY MEN FLOW LIKE THE MIGHTY TIGRIS!
Handsome ship…but they scuttled her after being about 27 years old? Seems kind of a shame.
Damn–6 dead, 161 injured due to the Navy buying the wrong type of fasteners? Of course, such mistakes would never be made in private enterprise…
Having talked to a couple shipmates who stayed in, apparently the grounding during that storm in Guam had a deleterious effect on the main propulsion shaft. It was a bit out-of-round even when I was on board, the aft end of the ship would shake like a dog shitting tinfoil when we were at max revs, it must have been even worse and I guess they decided to decommission her instead of spending the large amount of bank it would have cost to fix.
To the downfister who just dinged my good friend, Baldar. He's a veteran, asswipe! Why do you hate America?
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