AND IF OBAMA SIGNS IT HE'S ONE TOO  5:48 pm April 22, 2011

Republicans To Screen 9/11 First Responders To See If They’re Terrorists

by Jack Stuef

The tens of thousands of cops, firefighters, construction workers and others who survived the worst terrorist assault in U.S. history and risked their lives in its wake will soon be informed that their names must be run through the FBI’s terrorism watch list, according to a letter obtained by HuffPost. [...]

Kline, who sits on the Fealgood Foundation’s board, said he personally wasn’t offended, but couldn’t think of a good reason for cops and firefighters to be screened by the FBI in order to keep getting treatment. [...]

“Is the idea that a terrorist stayed to help clean up? And then stayed all these years to try and get benefits?” he asked. “In all the things I’ve seen out of Washington, this probably takes the cake.”

Well, it makes sense! Why were those first responders so close to the scene, huh? Bravery? The Republicans in Congress know of no such thing. Republicans hate terrorists, and Republicans don’t like people who need health benefits, so doesn’t it stand to reason that all people Republicans oppose are terrorists? Yes. [HuffPo]

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x111e7thst April 22, 2011 at 5:55 pm

As long as they balance this out by putting that idiot Rudy G's name on
the list.

nounverb911 April 22, 2011 at 6:08 pm

The unfortunate thing is that 9iu11iani spent more time at Yankee Stadium that Fall then he did at the WTC.

The man is a true embarassment.

x111e7thst April 22, 2011 at 8:22 pm

And a ferret hating, cross dressing fascist.

CthuNHu April 22, 2011 at 11:20 pm

And a hating, cross-dressing fascist ferret.

metamarcisf April 22, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Might be worth it. Who wouldn't want a genuine imitation terrorist wristwatch? Only why should I have to be put on a waiting list to get it?

angryclownspawn April 22, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Republicans hate terrorists. Republicans hate people who want health benefits. People who want health benefits are terrorists. Obviously.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 22, 2011 at 6:25 pm

You are an adviser to Scott Walker, right?

Or a writer for FOX News?

angryclownspawn April 22, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Hahahaha! No.

emmelemm April 22, 2011 at 8:38 pm

"Q.E.D., bitches!!!"

pinkocommi April 22, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Oh those sneaky terrorist first responders! Staying off the planes that hit the Twin Towers and then rushing to the scene to help save people's lives and then developing respiratory ailments, all to divert our attention from their evil, America-hating, terrorist ways….

MadBrahms April 22, 2011 at 7:55 pm

It's the long con! Like those diabolical terror-babies. Sure, it may seem like an extraordinary or even absurd investment of time and money, but that's what makes it so damn *clever*!

dr_giraud April 23, 2011 at 5:44 pm

It's just like taking out a birth-notice ad in the Honolulu newspaper for your Kenyan "grandson" so that one sweet day. . . .

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Anyone who would show that much concern for other human beings that they would destroy their own health is obviously a marx-loving commie nazi who wants a caliphate.

nounverb911 April 22, 2011 at 6:05 pm

So who is going to investigate the republicans?

DaRooster April 22, 2011 at 6:13 pm

No one… sadly.

weejee April 22, 2011 at 6:20 pm

The Boy Scouts, when the BSA starts having to write pedo-checks like the Catholic Church has been writing these past years?

V572..whatever April 22, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Are you saying Scoutmaster Harvey wasn't just checking me for leeches after I got out of the lake that year at camp?

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 7:32 pm

No…..and he didn't really have a snake bite…..down there.

RadioJack April 22, 2011 at 6:05 pm

9/11 humor is only second to Trisomy G humor in offending people.
But yet, let's roll!!

Sent from my iPhone on the AT&T network. Now with in-flight capability.

weejee April 22, 2011 at 6:21 pm

It's a sine of the times.

RadioJack April 22, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Trisomy G is hard.

trumpbly_joe April 24, 2011 at 10:57 pm

Only if you’re ….
Wait I think I’m doing this wrong.

trumpbly_joe April 25, 2011 at 8:18 am

But only if you're a person who relly tried hard at it and still doesn't get it.

Not nearly as funny as my original comment, but it works.

DahBoner April 23, 2011 at 12:24 pm

According to the tabloids, the little feller has a funny shaped hypotenuse…

iburl April 22, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Next time maybe those nosy first responders will mind their own beeswax and let everyone die. If they did, it might have slightly lengthened the time that it took us to lose an equal number of lives in Iraq.

Sue4466 April 22, 2011 at 6:10 pm

One more thing that should officially end the GOP's ability to campaign on 9/11. But won't.

DaRooster April 22, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Hey, it's almost like the Repugs don't like people… especially TREMENDOUS, COURAGEOUS people… but this can't be.

Fuck you Dirtbags!

DahBoner April 23, 2011 at 12:32 pm

It's because the First Responders were exceptional, unselfish people.


Now, had they been exceptionally greedy, selfish people, Republicans could relate…

DaRooster April 23, 2011 at 7:11 pm

I should have caught that. Thanks.
What a bunch of morons- First Responders… ha…you will never catch me being one of those… when I see someone in trouble from now on its "Turn and run away bitch!" Maybe then someone will help me with my bills. Even if I could get a tax break for being an evil "Fuck all y'all" person… that would be great.

OneYieldRegular April 22, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Clearly, denying these public employees their collective bargaining rights and threatening them with dismissal for not toeing the Republican line isn't punishment enough for all their good deeds.

V572..whatever April 22, 2011 at 6:18 pm

They could be also referring to the people who actually expect a discount because they called in the first fifteen minutes of the infomercial. "Go to your phones NOW!" — what a joke!

RadioJack April 22, 2011 at 6:34 pm

There is nothing funny about 9/11, Trisomy G, or cancer.

user-of-owls April 22, 2011 at 7:10 pm

"So this retard with cancer walks into Windows on the World restaurant on 9/11…"

RadioJack April 22, 2011 at 9:04 pm

He says to the bartender….

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 23, 2011 at 12:59 am

Is that a plane heading toward this building, or are you just happy to see me?

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 22, 2011 at 6:28 pm

You all just can't comprehend how devious the brown person is. First, they attack the WTC. Then, they wait for the first responder to come in, kidnap them and replace them with deep cover/sleeper cell Al Qaeda agents, who will just bide their time, using up America's precious health care dollars, until they are ready to strike.

Too far fetched, you say? Then explain Bernie Kerik.

Callyson April 22, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Criminal Strategy 101: Never hang around the crime scene after committing the deed.
Republican Strategy 101: FEARFEARFEAR…then add more fearmongering. Repeat as needed.

[redacted]hse April 22, 2011 at 6:34 pm

I could throw up.

ArmoredBore April 22, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Feals bad, man.

bumfug April 22, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Next on the agenda: investigate altar boys for seducing priests.

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 7:30 pm

The Catholic League is way ahead of you:

Rarian Rakista April 23, 2011 at 2:09 pm

This is not that far off, the only Catholic sex scandal in the small town I grew up in was when the former altar boy and the priest moved out of town together.

DashboardBuddha April 23, 2011 at 4:29 pm


edgydrifter April 22, 2011 at 6:46 pm

They had to blow up the towers so they could stand on the rubble and look like heroes. Neocon Munchausen by Proxy to the max.

nounverb911 April 22, 2011 at 6:54 pm

I thought that was Bush.

KenLayIsAlive April 22, 2011 at 6:52 pm

Trashing heroes so you don't have to pay them their promised benefits? It's as American as apple pie.

DaSandman April 22, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Naw, I'm all in favor of this new dipshit Repug policy. It's incredible! Piss off everyone who might support you except some toorhless South Carolina Nikki "Wide Open" Haley fans.

Hell yeah, bring on the election, bitches!

[redacted]hse April 23, 2011 at 11:11 pm

They may be toorhless now, but just wait.

SayItWithWookies April 22, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Obviously anyone who so materially disparages the Randian way of life that made America great must pose some sort of threat. And did you know that five or more firefighters will hope on ONE fire truck to go to the scene, instead of taking individual fire trucks or Hummers or MRAPS? The concern about fuel, logistics and expense is reminiscent of environmentalist dogmatism. Why, everyone knows that the world's resources are like Scrabble letters — they count against you if you haven't used them before Jesus returns.

V572..whatever April 22, 2011 at 7:00 pm

I regret to inform you that NSA's Counterterrorist Tracking Unit has provided the URL of everyone who responded to this post to Secretary Napolitano (code name: DUMBASS). Don't make any rash purchase of airline tickets or fertilizer.

natoslug April 22, 2011 at 7:34 pm

But it's still okay for me to continue storing my urine in large jars in the basement, right?

[edit: Hey Spanky2B, did I touch a nerve with urine in the basement? WTF is wrong with you?]

DahBoner April 23, 2011 at 12:41 pm

What time do you usually call in to Coast to Coast?

BZ1 April 22, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Kline, a former NYPD emergency services officer. “It’s silly. It’s stupid. It’s asinine.” Repubs: So?

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 7:33 pm

They'll be first in line for that sweet sweet "disability" money though. Goddamn commies.

Lost_Teabaggers April 22, 2011 at 7:40 pm

So, has anyone figured out what is verboten to the new wonk-filter language filter? Fuck isn't…but fuck-ing is, I figured that part out. Any other key words for us semi-educated but still vulgar when angry at wingnuts to be aware of?

natoslug April 22, 2011 at 7:42 pm

The opposite of up is not permitted. Wonkette needs a fucking etiquette guide for posting these days.

problemwithcaring April 22, 2011 at 7:53 pm

or just get rid of intensedebate…

natoslug April 22, 2011 at 8:08 pm

But intensedebate solves a lot of Ken's headaches, so I say keep it and accept that we're a bunch of crude and tasteless fuckups.

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 8:14 pm


ChessieNefercat April 23, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Crude and tasteless fuckups who apparently can't talk to each other? Who or what makes the decision as to what is acceptable? And is there a list somewhere?

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 8:12 pm

If i have to make ANOTHER wonkette login and avatar, someone is going to get kicked in the nuts hard.

LetUsBray April 23, 2011 at 12:23 am

Just so you kick upwards and not, you know…

problemwithcaring April 27, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Yea. True dat.

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Wow, how the fuck have i dodged this minefield?

ShaveTheWhales April 22, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Careful use of prepositions.

ShaveTheWhales April 22, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Wow. This is one context-free lexer. It doesn't like the opposite of sunup.

natoslug April 22, 2011 at 9:26 pm

I think they just put in a stop list (albeit a very short one) and said fuck all to context.

undeterredbyreality April 22, 2011 at 10:00 pm

I've had three replies and one direct post disappeared from this thread. All I said was let's substitute "Hugh" for the opposite of up. They showed up at first, then–poof!–they were gone! Let's see if this goes through or if I'm just banned.

natoslug April 23, 2011 at 1:23 pm

D0wn with the system!!! It looks like some of us can post without issue, and some of us are on a watch list. DashboardBuddha has no problems using the D word, so he must be special in some way. An Olympian, even.

MadBrahms April 23, 2011 at 4:18 pm

They can take away our opposite of up, so long as they never take away our "fisting". We use that in many, many ways.

DashboardBuddha April 23, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Fucking fucking FUCKING Intense Debate!

natoslug April 23, 2011 at 5:38 pm

So, what are your feelings about intensedebate?

DashboardBuddha April 23, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Heh…I just wanted to say fucking. But, while there are some things I like about ID, what I don't like is how the neighborhood strays can come over and shit in our sandbox.

MadBrahms April 22, 2011 at 7:58 pm

How long do you think it would take all of us to learn Esperanto?

natoslug April 22, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Ongerly anthey iglay atinlay.

ChessieNefercat April 23, 2011 at 7:42 pm

How about regular Latin? I could dredge it all up out the file cabinet in my brain whare I keep things I might need someday.

natoslug April 23, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Umm . . . yeah. No. Some of us are ignorant, and plan on staying that way. My daughters know Latin (what can you expect from the Italian one?), but I get lost when it moves beyond Biggus Dickus.

neiltheblaze April 22, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Republicans view victims with suspicion, why not their rescuers?

zhubajie April 22, 2011 at 8:36 pm

The Rep(tilians) assume all working people are bad.

nounverb911 April 22, 2011 at 8:40 pm

"We have met the enemy and he is us"

ShaveTheWhales April 22, 2011 at 9:08 pm

I was thinking we could just go Scots. You doon wi' that?

natoslug April 22, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Aye! 'n' thir's th' pool buird whaur ah wis conceived, born 'n' educated!
(sorry, for a moment I forgot I wasn't Groundskeeper Willie)

SarahsBush April 22, 2011 at 9:17 pm

B-b-b-b-but, Republicans get health benefits! Doesn't that make them terrorists? Oh, that's right, hypocrisy is their loophole.

ttommyunger April 22, 2011 at 10:16 pm

I just got a comment deleted by the administrator. Wow!

fuflans April 23, 2011 at 12:28 am

oh dude you said the evil opposite of 'up' word.

it's like an unforgivable curse.

ttommyunger April 23, 2011 at 6:36 am

I took the “Repugs investigate first responders” to what I thought was an “ad absurdum” argument. The Administrator took it to be “ad nauseum”, I'm assuming. I don't know whether to feel chastened or proud. This is, after all, the Wonkette.

[redacted]hse April 23, 2011 at 10:19 am

Gettin' to be a regular Huffpo around here.
Terry Jones gets more freedom of speech.

ttommyunger April 23, 2011 at 10:24 am

I was tired, it was late, it was not my best offering. I'm not offended; their house, their rules. Kind of weird to discover that you can actually offend the senses of THE WONKETTE, though. Wow! That's kind of like grossing out Satan.

glamourdammerung April 23, 2011 at 5:24 pm

I think a great deal of these is just Intense Debate choking on the tears of all those crying Breitards.

ttommyunger April 23, 2011 at 5:52 pm

I don't give a shit, one way or the other. Just thought it was remarkable. Still not sure whether to feel chastened or honored.

ChessieNefercat April 23, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Me too and I've never even had a traffic ticket.

ttommyunger April 23, 2011 at 7:48 pm

We all have to lose our cherry sometime, I just feel honored to lose mine to the infamous Wonkette.

trumpbly_joe April 24, 2011 at 11:00 pm

I got one of those too, but it admittedly was potentially for using the etardedray word. Still, it was a killer comment- oh well, I guess we can't all be as awesome as Jack.

ttommyunger April 25, 2011 at 7:44 am

But mine was about the dreaded Mooslims!

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 10:25 pm


poncho_pilot April 23, 2011 at 5:02 am

the Republicans probably just learned that firemen don't burn books but actually put them out if said books are on fire.

which is good news for me because i'm not ready to memorize Catch-22 yet.

ttommyunger April 23, 2011 at 6:18 am

Let me put it this way: The Repugs may well have a point. Think about it: every time we have a terrorist attack, just look around; you will invariably find first responders at the scene, some of them armed to the teeth. Coincidence? I think not, sir!

JustPixelz April 23, 2011 at 8:08 am

Dont be so quick to assume these "first responders" are innocent.

I never saw any pictures of 9/11 without firetrucks and police on the scene. How do we know they weren't already at the WTC waiting for the planes they knew were coming?!?

Also, not all these terrorists can produce valid long form birth certificates from the U.S.A. That means they can't prove they meet the qualifications for "hero", much less for health benefits.

Those who do have a birth certificate were no-doubt born here by terror parents who wanted a terror baby. (Fortunately this plot is easily detected by checking skin color.)

Finally, we know some of these "firemen" went into the buildings just before they collapsed. Coincidence?

HistoriCat April 23, 2011 at 9:02 am

Shorter version – they all lived and worked in New York. NEW YORK people!! I mean, how much more un-American can you be??

[redacted]hse April 23, 2011 at 10:17 am

I just tried hippo-drome, but I had "syn" instead of "hippo". No fly.

natoslug April 23, 2011 at 1:09 pm

They're tired of us discussing villians from The Incredibles. I think their list has d0wn syndr0me. (really, do we have to use numbers to increase our dickishness?)

ChessieNefercat April 23, 2011 at 7:43 pm

How'd you do that?!

natoslug April 23, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Holy fuck. I used zeros instead of ohs. And now it's being rendered as ohs. That's just fucking weird. If I were sober, I wouldn't be so amazed, probably, but right now, it's amazing.

JustPixelz April 23, 2011 at 10:36 am

From the NPR reporting:

The amendment's sponsor, Rep. Cliff Stearns (R-FL) tells The Huffington Post that because the funds are "not just for our first responders; nearly anyone who was in the vicinity or worked on a cleanup crew afterward is eligible," the intent is "to ensure that no terrorists get these benefits."

Terrorists will not be able to resist applying for that sweet, sweet socialist health care. And when they do, we'll have 'em right where we want 'em: In the crosshairs surveyor's mark of a "DENIED" rubber stamp. But honestly, are the terrorists so naive that they think we'd really just pay? Morans.

freakishlywrong April 23, 2011 at 10:46 am

Having had a friend who died responding first, this only makes me love Retatdlicans more. Way to honor Paddy, assholes.

Rarian Rakista April 23, 2011 at 2:18 pm

No, we are just witnessing what an attempt to tame a political party to an ideology of pure greed and malice looks like. Doesn't work, they are so far out of the mainstream with these tea party dolts clucking for kleptocracy because of Fox News that people are making the connection that they were tricked this time. Beck was the Jester, he was the last hope to keep them placated and now Fox News has a created a mob that is increasingly angry that corporations and rich people aren't paying more taxes, hilarity.

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi April 23, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Catch the mist catch the myth catch the mystery catch the drift.
Bldg seven, twin towers, pentagon, Shanksville, anthrax.
A nation can survive its fools, and even the ambitious.
But it cannot survive treason from within … Cicero

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi April 23, 2011 at 11:50 pm

cover-up must be maintained
extortion blackmail bribery
VIP's to be protected

no investigations
no prosecutions

TheMeatmaker April 24, 2011 at 8:39 am

The Fealgood Foundation? Do Tommy Lee and Mick Mars sit on the board? If so, can I join? They must have epic meetings.

horsedreamer_1 April 24, 2011 at 10:52 pm


(Seriously. The press — looking at you, Savannah Guthrie; you pwnd Trump, now show you can get after someone with real power — needs to get on the Speaker until they admit they are nothing but stunting. Defunding Planned Parenthood, likewise NPR, running terrorist background checks on New Yorkers (remember: Red States hate NYC) — this is the GOP agenda. Then, Paul Ryan tries to slip Medicare/Medicaid elimination under cover of nite. Also the GOP agenda. But still, no jobs.)

glamourdammerung April 23, 2011 at 5:56 pm

I had the exact same issues when it started and all my comments magically showed up the next day. I really do think a good portion of this is the software being screwy and not the staff playing den mother.

ttommyunger April 23, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Fine with me, either way. Their house, their rules!

natoslug April 23, 2011 at 9:50 pm

We can talk, we just can't communicate using the forbidden words, which we have no fucking clue as to what they are, besides ownday and maybe a few others. But only for some people. So yeah, it's pretty fucked up that some of us are blocked, others aren't and we have no idea what the rules are. Post a fucking style guide, damnit! Fuck.

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