THE FUTURE OF CULTURE  4:08 pm April 22, 2011

Democracy’s Troll Breitbart Says a Lot of Dumb Stuff To Victoria Jackson

by Jack Stuef

Look! The poop leech in action!Human poop-leech Andrew Breitbart is probably best known for choosing carefully edited videos of black women who have done nothing wrong, but are actually pretty remarkable citizens, and trying to ruin their lives and the reputation of what is perhaps the most important civil rights group in American history. Unfortunately, the first time he did that, the media finally called him out for what he is, and the black-lady target was vindicated. Sad face. He’s still around, though, because he is loud. Which brings us to this delightful WorldNetDaily column by idiot Tea Party celebrity Victoria Jackson. She loves Andrew Breitbart, and they’ve appeared together many times! Apparently Andrew thinks just the world of Victoria and her handstands, and says she will change “the landscape of Hollywood.”

When I first met Andrew in L.A., he told me that history would look back on me and smile, that I would be one of the influences that changed the landscape of Hollywood from 100 percent liberal to at least 50-50 … something to that effect. I puffed up with pride and pictured myself winning my third Oscar, shrugging my shoulders, thanking God and hearing whispers from the front row, “She’s the reason I switched to conservative!” “Me, too!” “I just love President Palin!” “I just got born again!” At the Vanity Fair party, Sean Penn sidles up to me and purrs into my ear, “Conservative women are so much sexier,” and then Susan Sarandon says, “I always knew you were smart!”

Well, I’m pretty much banned from Hollywood right now, so I don’t know exactly when that dream will come true, but …

“Banned from Hollywood” = “Nobody remembers who the fuck she is or why anybody would ever employ her”

Kooky conservatives!

Just look at the delight on his face! He knows a star when he’s seen one. Perhaps she can put on blackface and star as Shirley Sherrod in his next video? That would probably be pretty dangerous, considering it may cause Los Angeles to literally catch on fire from the sheer brilliance of the performance, and would probably end liberalism once and for all.

On the way to my second tea-party speech, in ’09, I asked Breitbart if it was philosophically correct if I called the president a communist. “People admit he’s a Marxist, and Marx wrote the Communist Manifesto, so what’s the difference?” After a long pause, Andrew said, “Victoria, say whatever you want to say.” I took that as permission, so I started publicly discussing the state of our union in this simplest way I could, explaining our sudden government takeover and dying middle class.

Very logical, that. Yes, you should always ask Breitbart first for permission, as he has closets full of awards given for his excellent media ethics.

Andrew suddenly asked if I’d be his sidekick on the radio the next morning at 6 a.m. when he filled in for Dennis Miller. I quickly said yes! What an adventure! My house was far away in Acton, so Andrew called his wife, asked her permission and then invited me to stay at his home in the tony Bel Air area.

Andrew continued, “I thought of the title to my book today! I was eating pulled pork and it came to me, ‘Righteous IndigNation’! You know, with the Right and the Nation in bold. …” “That’s great!” I said, tingling with importance – I was one of the first people to know this.

OMG, Victoria! You were there when socialism was finally killed forever! Good luck with All Black People Are Racist: the Shirley Sherrod Story! [WND]

 
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{ 176 comments }

Barb April 22, 2011 at 4:11 pm

"Well, I’m pretty much banned from Hollywood right now, so I don’t know exactly when that dream will come true, but …"

Vickie, you were never really IN Hollywood to begin with. You live in a space in your mind called "Hollyweird"

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm

I can see her confusion……..lack of talent isn't always a career ender in hollywood……but pendantic conservitwat with no talent probably does tip the scales.

Lascauxcaveman April 22, 2011 at 5:23 pm

In Hollywood, if you don't have talent, you're not supposed to simultaneously be old and fat, as well. Pick one of those three, Victoria, and Hollywood might give you a shot.

But three strikes and you most definitely out.

Beowoof April 22, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Pauly Shore is proof of that.

XOhioan April 22, 2011 at 4:13 pm

From what I hear, Victoria got her first steady job in Hollywood by putting her feet in the air. Too bad she didn't stick with that profession.

onemoretime79 April 22, 2011 at 4:47 pm

No money or "fame" in it?

DaRooster April 22, 2011 at 4:14 pm

"…I puffed up with pride…"

You puffed with something babe… High Fructose Corn Syrup?

Lascauxcaveman April 22, 2011 at 5:40 pm

"You're not retaining water lady, you're retaining pizza."

FrenchTwist40 April 23, 2011 at 9:09 am

She looks to me like she might have recently eaten a sofa.

pinkocommi April 22, 2011 at 4:15 pm

“She’s the reason I switched to conservative!”

I can't say that, but I can say, She's the reason I threw up a little in my mouth.

PeaceWithHonor April 22, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Victoria, honey, you have no talent and your thighs are huge. Even Jesus can't get you an Oscar.

BklynIlluminati April 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm

You know those two are doing the nasty. Lot of squealing going on in that boudoir

DashboardBuddha April 22, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Hey, you're a country girl…what's this sound?

AFKensington April 22, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Do you think she knows she has to win a 1st and 2nd Oscar before the 3rd?

horsedreamer_1 April 22, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Hers was not intended as an ordinal statement.

DustBowlBlues April 22, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Palin was fascinated when the McCain flunkeys taught her the order of WWI and WWII.

So it's entirely possible this moron doesn't realize 1,2,3 are in sequence.

bflrtsplk April 22, 2011 at 6:27 pm

WWII came first right?

CliveWarren April 22, 2011 at 4:17 pm

"I started publicly discussing the state of our union in this simplest way I could"

In teabonics.

"That’s great! I said, tingling with importance"

If you are having breakfast with Breitbart and you are tingling. It's not importance. It's probably cunt-lice.

EdFlintstone April 22, 2011 at 4:57 pm

FTW, that was hilarious..

TheMadKing April 23, 2011 at 3:30 am

Clive I don't know which is sadder. The fact you get a tingle out of cunt-lice or that 57 other libtards actually voted you up. Again, Trig would be at the head of the Wonkette class.

CliveWarren April 23, 2011 at 4:35 am

I think it was John Madden who said: "We are the zanies of sorrow. We are clowns whose hearts are broken."

el_chupacabra April 23, 2011 at 12:37 pm

had to be.

OzoneTom April 22, 2011 at 4:17 pm

If she topples-over when doing the handstand she'll change the landscape wherever she is.

Beowoof April 22, 2011 at 5:54 pm

I am thinking should could get a Richter reading on that fall.

El Pinche April 22, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Yeah, those grandma titties would droop onto the floor like coiled up sausage links.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 3:26 pm

"If she topples-over when doing the handstand "

If she doesn't, those big fat floppers will at least cover her face and possibly even suffocate her.

DaRooster April 22, 2011 at 4:18 pm

“That’s great!” I said, tingling with importance – I was one of the first people to know this."
(And that's about all you know now, correct?)

Rush Limbaugh tingled with importance once… nothing a couple of Viagra… oh wait, not TANGLING with IMPOTENCE?

ifthethunderdontgetya April 22, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Andrew Breitbart is a poop leech?

This is explains both why he likes hanging with James O'Keefe, and the shit-eating grin!

Brilliant stuff, Jack.
~

Extemporflurious April 22, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Shut the fuck up, you unfunny fucking two-bag fag hag.

[redacted]hse April 22, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Yeah, and cunt.

Zvi_Bleindmeis April 22, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Flag hag. And a two-tea-bagger.

Bonzos_Bed_Time April 22, 2011 at 4:21 pm

He's just doing this to make Riley jealous.

BornInATrailer April 22, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Don't worry Waggaman, Andrew will be true to you.

Remember, it doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you come home to eat.

horsedreamer_1 April 22, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Used that with the wife when she smelled the stink of stripper on you?

El Pinche April 22, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Seriously, for years I thought SNL was exploiting Victoria Jackson's severe mental disability and she wasn't even funny.

Cicada April 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I thought she was playing an air-headed bimbette as some sort of comic statement about how women are viewed in the entertainment business.

God, how terribly wrong I was. So terribly, terribly wrong.

Lascauxcaveman April 22, 2011 at 5:43 pm

I was more like, blonde, dumb, huge tits; what's not to like?

Dumb girl as straight man was a role I thought she played pretty well.

Buzz Feedback April 22, 2011 at 4:23 pm

I haven't seen a pair of denim overall shorts since the pie eating contest at the county fair.

ChessieNefercat April 22, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Or a handstand?

DaRooster April 22, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Or a good classic rock band!

fuflans April 22, 2011 at 4:23 pm

That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

Extemporflurious April 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Wow, um, making fun of reasonable reactions to a gruesome bukkake handstand that happened 4 blocks away from me is so funny that it makes me wish you had decided maybe this was inappropriate and kinda fucked up to post.

Seriously, wtf?

fuflans April 22, 2011 at 4:38 pm

well i was hoping to make fun of the gruesome bukkake handstand but apparently i was not clear in my target.

i am better when i am actually drinking.

Cicada April 22, 2011 at 4:44 pm
fuflans April 22, 2011 at 5:18 pm

HA! that's a keeper…

Doktor Zoom April 23, 2011 at 1:56 am

I miss Newell. If only there were some way I could still read him…

Cicada April 22, 2011 at 4:38 pm

You know who else was four blocks away from a gruesome bukkake handstand?

neiltheblaze April 22, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Mothra?

Extemporanus April 22, 2011 at 8:17 pm
Jukesgrrl April 22, 2011 at 4:24 pm

She's a drop out from the Florida Bible College but she didn't drop the Bible. That tells you all you need to know about Victoria Jackson.

__kth__ April 22, 2011 at 4:24 pm

This Andy Kaufman teatard performance art thing might have worked if it had occurred to her during the original TEA party, back in 1994, when her sell-by date was only a couple of years past.

freakishlywrong April 22, 2011 at 4:26 pm

What the fuck was in the cocaine when she and Dennis Miller were on SNL?

DashboardBuddha April 22, 2011 at 4:32 pm

LSD…it's called a Dumb Ball

BarackMyWorld April 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Whichever pile Al Franken stayed away from.

Pragmatist2 April 22, 2011 at 4:26 pm

I'm "tingling with importance" just looking at the video.

[redacted]hse April 22, 2011 at 6:18 pm

It's a little unfortunate that she wasn't "tingling with importance" because Jack Kevorkian was visiting her sick-bed.

Cicada April 22, 2011 at 4:26 pm

I think it's terrible that you are making fun of the poop-leech community, Jack. They can't help being born with a taste for hot, steamy human feces.
#BreitsTeam

Callyson April 22, 2011 at 4:26 pm

‘Righteous IndigNation’
Not far removed from Breitbart's greatest fear, Indigenous Nation Rights…

[redacted]hse April 22, 2011 at 5:46 pm

‘Righteous IndigNation’
It's really pretty trite, don't you think? It even looks idiotic when written out- somehow it's intellectually offensive, although I suspect it will appeal to the target audience, most of whom are semi-illiterate anyway.

horsedreamer_1 April 22, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Did the Wonkette graphics dept. add orange spooge to the area of Breitbart's mouth, or is he really eating a Fruit Roll-up?

Hera Sent Me April 22, 2011 at 4:27 pm

When Hairy Met Slimy.

EdFlintstone April 22, 2011 at 4:27 pm

The handstand is therapy to get the blood flowing back to her brain.

ChessieNefercat April 22, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Well then, I hope she has strong arms.

Swampgas_Man April 23, 2011 at 9:59 am

Ain't working.

Mumbletypeg April 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm

So She-Grizzly Palin isn't the only person to hoist herself with her own <rhymes with petard leotard…!…> (struck through by alert administrator)

Boojum_Reborn April 22, 2011 at 5:53 pm

WTF? No Trig jokes?

Fukui_sanYesOta April 22, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Jack managed to get us all put on the naughty step.

fuflans April 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm

according to IMDB, high points of victoria jackson's career include 'casual sex' and 'no more baths'.

i think that's pretty much all you need to know.

genxr April 22, 2011 at 4:50 pm

She once dated Weird Al Yankovik, so she's got that going for her.

GOPCrusher April 22, 2011 at 5:17 pm

The highlight of her career was playing Weird Al's girlfriend in UHF (actually a fun movie). I'd even forgotten that she existed until she showed up on that Celebrity Weight-Loss Show on the TV Guide channel.

BornInATrailer April 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Mrs. Jackson's interpretation of the Vagina Monologues is a disturbing performance.

genxr April 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Still better than Breitbart's Puppetry of the Penis off Broadway (in the alley behind Broadway in fact) production.

BornInATrailer April 22, 2011 at 5:33 pm

There's a nightmare seed if there was ever one.

Beowoof April 22, 2011 at 5:59 pm

I think he paid for that performance.

[redacted]hse April 22, 2011 at 6:09 pm

But doing it standing on her head shows some sincerity, don't you think?

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Yay! A post that will bring out the Breitard trolls again. Good, I am getting tired of always going over there to visit.

And sorry, Victoria. You couldn't even win an oscar on your knees. You are indeed a bimbo…..and a stupider than average one at that.

genxr April 22, 2011 at 4:46 pm

cross-posting to BigDouchebag.com

GuanoFaucet April 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm

People admit he’s a Marxist, and Marx wrote the Communist Manifesto, so what’s the difference?

The difference is Obama didn't admit he was a Marxist. People call other people all kinds of things that aren't true. Do you now see why the above statement is fucking stupid? No? Oh, fuck it.

genxr April 22, 2011 at 4:46 pm

"People" admit he's a Marxists, just like people admit Breitbart is a human poop leach, so what's the difference?

mercianomad April 22, 2011 at 5:01 pm

I loved that part. Not only does he use the known weasel word "people" (as in *some people say* [Who exactly? By what basis in fact?]), but he also uses the word "admit" when he means "say," as if it is something one fesses up to rather than, oh, just maybe a nutball piece of grossly stupid reasoning.

So ya, ridiculous implications with what should be obvious English language twisting but isn't, because his audience is just dumb enough to let the words penetrate but not quite bright enough to piece together the way those words activate and corroborate their poor understanding of the world.

GunToting[Redacted] April 22, 2011 at 4:50 pm

People admit that Andy is a feltching power-bottom, so I see no reason why this should not be on billboards coast to coast.

JustPixelz April 22, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Hey this is a fun game.

People say Victoria Jackson is a blonde talentless beach ball. I lost a beach ball on Devil's Island. So VJ is the devil.

People say Andrew Breitbart pretends he's a journalist. Victoria Jackson pretends she's a journalist. Andrew Breitbart is a blonde talentless beach ball.

metamarcisf April 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm

‘Righteous IndigNation’? Bennett Cerf is doing handstands in his grave.

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 4:31 pm

"Just look at the delight on his face! He knows a star when he’s seen one. "

I think he might have just seen her scrotum.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 3:31 pm

That's the other blonde harpy.

DashboardBuddha April 22, 2011 at 4:31 pm

"I puffed up with pride"

Victoria, what you call pride, other people call cheetos and Cinnabon pastries.

Also, from the picture…why didn't her arms snap like twigs? Bitch must be milkfed cuz her bones are rocking the calcium.

Also also, I never thought the phrase "history will smile on you" would be a good pick-up line, but it seems to work for Mr. B. I'll have to try it.

genxr April 22, 2011 at 4:45 pm

History will smile and snicker quietly behind your back.

Doktor Zoom April 23, 2011 at 2:04 am

I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker

ThundercatHo April 22, 2011 at 4:32 pm

What? She got a Tony (to go with Oscars 1 & 2) and then had a threesome with Andy and his wife? Who is she again? Why do all conservatard wimen have nails-on-a-chalkboard voices? Will she lend her head scarf to The Donald on windy days?

onemoretime79 April 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm

"I was eating pulled pork and it came to me, ‘Righteous IndigNation’! You know, with the Right and the Nation in bold. …”

But what she *meant* was: "I was eating pulled pork and it came on me, "Eous! Pig Noshin'" with the P and the ig in Italics".

Thanks Jack! Funnier still, with that photo looks to me like Bart is all giggly over her wiggly…but the woman on the right hasn't eaten yet.

ChessieNefercat April 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm

"…she will change “the landscape of Hollywood.” "

Well, sure, if she gets a plot in Forest lawn someday.

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 4:58 pm

I LOLed. One more Hollywood Hill.

horsedreamer_1 April 22, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Victoria is soon to appear on IntenseDebate comments as JortsJortsJorts.

Cicada April 22, 2011 at 5:24 pm

I lol'd. Thanks!

weejee April 22, 2011 at 4:39 pm

And Victoria's secret is she used to be married to a fire-eater / magician before she became notsoBreitfart's apologist and hand-standing toady. This explains her experience blowing smoke (so to speak).

SayItWithWookies April 22, 2011 at 4:40 pm

This Victoria Jackson bit has been going on for far too long, beating one tiny idea into the ground and giving nothing in return. In other words, it's a throwback to her classic SNL material.

onemoretime79 April 22, 2011 at 4:40 pm

A one woman crusade to give "blonde jokes" a chance to make a come back?

Because, I haven't head an original good one in awhile.

mannacler April 22, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Why do blondes wear panties? To keep their ankles warm.

onemoretime79 April 23, 2011 at 1:44 am

oops. tried to enter another joke but was immediately informed it was deleted.

thanks, blonde admin/mod. 'preciate that. bitch.

DerrickWildcat April 22, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Is that a screen grab from some Mexican TV show?

Ruhe April 22, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Yes. "A La Cama Con Porcel". The rotund comic genius stands just off camera and in typically laconic fashion remarks "Esta perra gorda no es muy gracioso."

user-of-owls April 22, 2011 at 6:57 pm

No no, amigo. It is quite obviously Sabado GIGANTE

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 3:33 pm

"La Porca Grassa con Pompes Grandes"?

[apologies for my bad to nonexistent Spanish]

BZ1 April 22, 2011 at 4:41 pm

"History would look back on me and…barf" Corrected Vickie's statement.

i_AM_ready April 22, 2011 at 4:41 pm

"My house is far away in Acton…"

I Google-mapped Acton, clicked on the street-level view, and what's the first thing I saw? An old house trailer across a dusty 2-lane road.

I guess portraying a bimbo (actually, being a bimbo) isn't lucrative.

But I love how she just refers to Acton like anybody would have heard of it.

politics_nerd April 22, 2011 at 4:42 pm

stupid is pretty funny, but we have sarah palin for that now. next! (is it ok to say "next!" on the wonkette?)

dittoBot3000 April 22, 2011 at 4:43 pm

“That’s great!” I said, tingling with importance – I was one of the first people to know this. Then, I did a handstand and we did the standing 69. I tingled with importance all night.

V572..whatever April 22, 2011 at 4:49 pm

The good news: Dennis Miller called in "sick." The bad news: he's being replaced by Breitbart'n'Jackson.

No one's day should begin in this fashion.

Goonemeritus April 22, 2011 at 4:52 pm

I think she is a true believer…. In what I have no fucking clue but a true believer.

onemoretime79 April 22, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Faith. It's blind.

Tide comes in, tide goes out. No one can explain it (no funding).

PuckStopsHere April 22, 2011 at 4:53 pm

She's gonna be HUGE in Hollywood, SC! Huge.

GodShammgod April 22, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Hollywood, SC is like 70% black. I don't think her teatard antics would be too popular there, thank goodness.

PuckStopsHere April 22, 2011 at 5:40 pm

There actually is a Hollywood, SC? I was just making it up based on the culture-lovers we saw in that video posted yesterday from Charleston or wherever it was.

Warpde April 22, 2011 at 4:56 pm

"he told me that history would look back on me and smile"
Ah yes. But by that time you will be dead and
therein lies the reason they will smile.

GodShammgod April 22, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Victoria Jackson made me gay.

JustPixelz April 22, 2011 at 6:58 pm

"…made you…"? She must have witchy powers to cast such a spell. (Pretty sure that's where non-heterosexuals come from.)

To counter the effects of VJ, you need an anti-VJ. May I suggest Kathy Bates.*
_______________
* side effects may include loss of appetite, blurred vision, your results may vary

TheMadKing April 23, 2011 at 3:27 am

Most say Judy Garland. Gotta find some excuse, huh? LOL!

MissusBarry April 22, 2011 at 5:00 pm

I know I'm not very pop-culture aware and the only place I've ever heard this name is in teabag references, so I figured I should edumacate myself on this future award winning handstander. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0414130/bio The magnitude of her non-standing anywhere makes me tingle with importance.

Doktor Zoom April 23, 2011 at 2:10 am

But that's only because the communist/liberal cabal that runs Hollywood has held her back from reaching her full potential. Take a look at any of the Oscar-winning performances of recent years, and you'll see that Victoria Jackson could have handled ANY of those roles.

For instance, I can see her as Anton Chigurh. And the haircut would be an improvement.

MissusBarry April 23, 2011 at 8:09 am

Black Swan was written for her, but she refused to stop with the anus burgers because that would be a win for FLOTUS.

BZ1 April 22, 2011 at 5:02 pm

The Brietbart-Jackson car auction is being insufferably pretentious…

fartknocker April 22, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Congratulation Victoria – you have now progressed to the stupidest comedian status in my house. I'll let Carrot Top know his status has changed.

CountryClubJihadi April 22, 2011 at 5:12 pm

They both look like they are being boo-foo'd by Ronald Isely.

Thedongsofwar April 22, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Yep, that's a handstand.

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 5:17 pm

And the Oscar for Most Awkward Handstand goes to……

crybabyboehner April 22, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Wasn't there somebody else who made people ask for permission before they could say something?

ShaveTheWhales April 22, 2011 at 8:09 pm

My grade school teachers?

Gleem_McShineys April 22, 2011 at 5:25 pm

I still want to believe that this is all some elaborate performance art schtick. Like Andy Kaufman's loony chick-wrestling. It HAS TO BE.

Because nobody can be this stupid, and actually simultaneously remember to breathe and also not fall out of windows.

Unless they are … Reatardgan Twoed

Lost_Teabaggers April 22, 2011 at 5:26 pm

I love the whole "I'm conservative so I'm oppressed…" meme these C and D grade actors trot out when people ask why Victoria Jackson is waiting tables at her local Fridays. After all, the evidence is there, a short history to recount: (in two parts, it's so diabolical!)

1950's: Liberal congressman used paranoia about Fascism to launch HUAC as a pretext in order to blacklist legions of right wingers for daring to read and discuss philosophy and have ideas differing from liberal orthodox expressed on film.

1960's: No one would hire John Wayne or Clint Eastwood and certainly no one gave any respect to Jimmy Stewart!

Lost_Teabaggers April 22, 2011 at 5:27 pm

1970's-present: Liberal elitists in thier lust to persecute conservatives wouldn't star in any movie a conservative wrote or directed. Tobey Maguire told Sam Raimi to bite ass, Matt Damon and Hillary Swank and Morgan Freeman told Clint Eastwood to eat shit for being Republican. Jamie Lee Curtis and many other liberal women wouldn't co-star in terrible Ahnie films and NO ONE from the Coppala family would give Sylvester Stallone a chance in Rocky. Also, ultra liberal Danny Glover refused to share a set with Mel Gibson and Joe Pesci and ultra liberal Martin Scorsese refused to launch Pesci's career. Also, Woody Harrelson and Jack Nicholson personally torpedoed Adam Sandler's career. And NO ONE will hire Vince Vaughn, either!

Not only were these liberals so cruel and discriminatory, but the less successful ones launched blogs like Michael Moore's "Small Government" so they can bitch about conservatives and describe dealing with them in the future with violent imagery like shotguns and curbstomps. Yes, conservatives, I believe you, Hollywood hates and persecutes you…just look at the evidence I gave.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 3:37 pm

In their mindset, "persecution" = "they don't get to control everything and everybody".

Pithaughn April 24, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Don't forget, the Wheel of Fortune host is a tireless conservative paradigm of righteousnesses, canarding week nights for decades.

neiltheblaze April 22, 2011 at 5:28 pm

She serves the useful purpose of making Breitbart seem breit.

genxr April 22, 2011 at 5:28 pm

The makers of Atlas Shrugged are kicking themselves right now for not offering her the lead role.

Beowoof April 22, 2011 at 6:02 pm

She could do it nude and they wouldn't make any money.

Lost_Teabaggers April 22, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Sorry to make two comments, I just had to illustrate the imaginary world of Hollywood persecution of conservatives, and there's quite a few more names to share, but I've taken enough space already.

It's not that Victoria Jackson and Robert Davi and other wingnuts who whine and complain on Beerfarts "Big Racist" blog are persecuted; it's because they aren't funny or talented and cannot act. The fact is, if Hollywood was ANYTHING like these film-losers pretend it is, everything I just posted would be true and not opposite world satire. God, I fucking hate wingnuts.

gurukalehuru April 22, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Victoria, sweet Victoria…Sean Penn will never say you are sexy and Susan Sarandon will certainly never say you are smart. I'm very sorry.

Guppy06 April 22, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Dear WND Letters,

I never thought it would happen to me…

Seriously, they need to slap an "18 or over" warning on this conservaporn.

DustBowlBlues April 22, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Victoria Jackson got married to a rightwinger ersatz Xian, quit show business to go be barefoot and pregnant like a good ersatz Xian wife, was completely forgotten and then popped up at right wing political shit years later. And blames being a conservative as the reason she can't get jobs in commie, homo Hollywood.

Do Republicans EVER take responsibility for their own decisions?

glamourdammerung April 22, 2011 at 6:18 pm

"Banned from Hollywood" = free market has spoken.

El Pinche April 23, 2011 at 12:00 am

I'm sure Michael Bay will call her if he needs a mentally deficient tranny pirate for the next Pirates of the Caribbean .

DustBowlBlues April 22, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Great. I still have a headache (damn you, hay fever) and since I'm only watching the most liberal teevee I can find these days (because there is no middle ground in a Republitard Koch sucking world) I will watch our very own Jim Inhofe (R-BigOil) explain how gas drilling is good for the environment. That's what the right considers an Earth Day observance.

I'm sure he'll show up on "my" wonket. Now or later.

DustBowlBlues April 22, 2011 at 6:28 pm

BTW–Republics have so few people of any note, their one comedian is Dennis Miller. A has-been like this blonde chick is a celebrity. It's so embarrassing you want to look away.

user-of-owls April 22, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Wa-hoo! We got the Negro: http://wonkette.com/443824/obama-forced-to-listen

We got the dog: http://wonkette.com/443868/dogs-attempting-to-ove

And now we got the hoof-standing cow! Huzzah!

Oh, and for those wondering what the jibber has been all about: http://img2.moonbuggy.org/imgstore/cow-negro-dog-

Lascauxcaveman April 22, 2011 at 7:01 pm

I always did too, but in my SNL-viewing days, I was easily intimidated by the smart+beautiful combo. I didn't realize this at the time, but looking back at my girlfriends, there's no better explanation.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 3:27 pm

*sniffles*
I love you guys!
*wipes away a tear*

Steverino247 April 22, 2011 at 7:02 pm

If VJ didn't have a vajayjay, no one would say she is OK.

alzronnie April 22, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Thanks for that photo of Vicky. Now I have to go to LensCrafters for a retina abortion.

imissopus April 22, 2011 at 7:05 pm

"Tony Bel Air area" = dumpy cul-de-sac in low end of Brentwood next to the VA hospital and cemetery. Bel Air is a couple of miles to the north, above Sunset, which is like the Mason-Dixon line between the haves and has-less.

Of course I've never even met anyone from Acton, which is some High Desert shithole way out near Palmdale, which is mostly meth factories because there isn't anything else to do, so I guess a dumpy part of Brentwood feels tony.

hollywooddood April 22, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Remember when Victoria Jackson was funny? No, neither do I.

LatitudeTheory April 22, 2011 at 7:30 pm

…and all this time I thought that I was the only one that thought this was funny.

Zvi_Bleindmeis April 22, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Victoria Jackson could make Ron Jeremy gay.

comrad_darkness April 22, 2011 at 8:13 pm

Hey, I think I just figured out why red states vote republican.
Exposure to Pesticides in Pregnancy Can Lower Children's IQ

VinnyThePooh April 22, 2011 at 8:53 pm

So that's how she gets her head up her ass. Veeeery interesting.

chascates April 22, 2011 at 10:02 pm

A little background on what Red Barry faced coming into office:
Bush's tax cuts contributed to record budget deficits during the Bush administration, raising the US National Debt to $10.9 trillion by the time he will leave office on January 20th 2009.
Additions to National Debt
2001 – $144.5 billion
2002 – $409.5 billion
2003 – $589.0 billion
2004 – $605.0 billion
2005 – $523.0 billion
2006 – $536.5 billion
2007 – $459.5 billion
2008 – $1017.0 billion (estimated)

ttommyunger April 22, 2011 at 10:04 pm

People with legs that big should not try to wear shorts…Football Pads, yes, shorts, no. BTW, Andrew Breitbart hearts Victoria Jackson? I guess that explains Grover Norquist.

blogmomme April 22, 2011 at 10:44 pm

Breitbart is married to Orson Bean's daughter. Bean is Old Hollywood, and was blacklisted
for communist connections. He has called his children all "little communists". So, in effect,
Breitbart is married to a Communist! I got this info off Wiki, but I am sticking with it as truth, until I learn otherwise.

catholic4condom April 22, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Any minute now her agent will call her up and tell her that Comedy Central is bringing back "Strip Mall"

Mo_ April 23, 2011 at 1:27 am

How I'd love to see a debate between Jack Stuef and Andrew Breitbart. He'd leave you in the dust.

Hilarious how the Trig Palin story disappeared from this cesspool as well. What's the matter? Can't handle everyone pointing out what moral degenerates you people are, writing such filth about a baby?

mookwrthwilson April 23, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Before any debate, we all know that Andy would try to rape poor Jack like he tried with Riley. He loves em young and pink…

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 3:40 pm

So, he's a "moral degenerate" for posting the thread in the first place, and now he's a "moral degenerate" for deleting it?

Just no pleasing some people, is there?

onemoretime79 April 23, 2011 at 1:46 am

fucking hell. y'all still pissed about my texas is burning comment or what.

(comments disappearing into thin air. same way they came, i reckon.)

donner_froh April 23, 2011 at 2:28 am

Acton, CA, according to its website, is the “Beverly Hills” of the Antelope Valley. Although, geographically, Acton is not a part of the Antelope Valley".

Sounds like they have a whole town of Virginia Jacksons there.

AJW@[redacted] April 24, 2011 at 12:24 am

Acton is in the Crown Valley, and they consider themselves to be the crown jewel. (get it? Me too). Back in the early 70's, San Fernando Valley radio station KGIL mounted an assault on Acton, and I don't guess they've recovered.

poncho_pilot April 23, 2011 at 5:29 am

i thought she was dead.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Apparently, her brain is.

[TOO SOON!!!]

Djmcs11 April 23, 2011 at 8:37 am

Daily Vile and Offensive Breitbart Comments 22/4/11 Edition. New Feature! Breitbart vs. Stormfront! http://tiny.cc/f6p9v

An_Outhouse April 23, 2011 at 9:14 am

"so Andrew called his wife, asked her permission"

shouldn't 'wife' be in 'quotes'?

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 3:34 pm

*shakes head*
She is, as the South would say, "et up with the dumb-ass".

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 3:35 pm

"in this economy, no one can afford to make a movie that is guaranteed to lose money."

Except Adam Sandler, apparently.

June_Cleaver2.0 April 23, 2011 at 5:01 pm

In that picture, Jackson reminds me of a character out of one of Maya Angelou's books.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 11:19 pm

"At the Vanity Fair party, Sean Penn sidles up to me and purrs into my ear, Conservative women are so much sexier, and then Susan Sarandon says, I always knew you were smart!"

Yeah, and then all the stuck-up popular kids who wouldn't talk to me in high school will want to be friends with me, and I'll be all like, "No way, loser!".

smitallica April 24, 2011 at 10:34 am

Needs moar Toonces.

thefrontpage April 25, 2011 at 11:44 am

Victoria Jackson, of course, is one of the great intellectual minds of our time. She is incredibly brilliant, intellectually gifted, and possibly one of the most intelligence, insightful and analytical minds of the 20th and 21st centuries. She is right up there with Edison, Einstein, Salk, Goddard and Gates.

Extemporanus April 22, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Indeed.

I make an effort to insert it into mundane conversation at least once a week, which is why my mother now has it memorized.

fuflans April 22, 2011 at 9:07 pm

I just read the post from 2009 that was attached to the comment and it made me sad we were talking about birthers then, we were talking about birthers BEFORE THEN and we are STILL talking about fucking birthers.

your mom sounds cool.

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