SOMEBODY CALL GLENN BECK  2:05 pm April 22, 2011

Dogs Attempting To Overthrow Government of Tennessee

by Jack Stuef


The police around Tennessee’s state capitol building must have thought a cute dog walking around the grounds posed no threat to democracy. But they were wrong! Poor state Rep. Joanne Favors, a survivor of a “huge dog” that was walking around the capitol plaza, is revealing on the floor of the legislature what sounds to us like a major threat. THAT PLAZA IS THE CITIZENS’ PLAZA. IT IS NOT FOR DOGS. Is a cabal of dogs and perhaps other animals working on a coup d’etat?

Though Favors had threatened to call an attorney, she later said the warning was mostly an exaggeration. “I’m tremendously aware of the companionship of dogs, but I also know that some have mauled babies and others to death,” Favors said, who cited her fear from being attacked by a dog as a child. “My blood pressure shot up, and that was just a normal reaction to fear. If someone had approached you with a gun, you would have experienced the same thing.”

Christ. Those are all very good reasons to be afraid of dogs! Dogs have the ability to KILL HUMAN BEINGS such as A WHOLE BUILDING OF STATE LEGISLATORS and pass through metal detectors just fine because they don’t need guns. They are a tremendous threat to any free society.

On the other hand, maybe this was an isolated incident. Maybe the dog was inhabited by the ghost of Robert Byrd, who always loved hanging around legislative buildings and whose spirit animal, after all, was the dog:

[Nooga via Gawker]

 

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{ 131 comments }

GunToting[Redacted] April 22, 2011 at 2:06 pm

When criminals ban dogs, only dogs will bite legislators.

genxr April 22, 2011 at 2:46 pm

When law dogs are outlawed, only blue dogs will pass laws.

BeWoot April 22, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Some politicians will say anything to get the cat-lovers vote.

Lascauxcaveman April 22, 2011 at 2:17 pm

…At the risk of alienating those who love both cats and dogs. A pretty tricky Venn diagram to be messing with. A smart politician will dodge the issue entirely.

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 2:27 pm

They have to be democrats. I don't see many republican politicians courting the pussy vote.

Fare la Volpe April 22, 2011 at 2:55 pm

I dunno, seems the entire pro-life movement is about getting their hands up as many pussies as possible.

OneDollarJuana April 22, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Seems like the Repubs are more into dachshunds, if you know what I mean.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] April 22, 2011 at 2:09 pm

I assume we'll be supporting the dogs with predator drone strikes and a no-fly-zone, yes?

V572..whatever April 22, 2011 at 2:10 pm

"Ah don't cayer if it's dawgs, caats, chickins…" sounds so much like "I don't care if you're brown, yellow, red or green, you can't sit at the lunch counter in this store!" in Montgomery in 1957.

SheriffRoscoe April 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Chickins in McNugget form are still okay though, right? Especially the ones that are already on their way through the digestive tract?

CliveWarren April 22, 2011 at 2:12 pm

How did Byrd get a hold of the best man speech I gave at my brother's wedding?

"From mountain to mountain, From valleynv tvo valet"

Preferred Customer April 22, 2011 at 2:18 pm

No, seriously, I regret that I have only one fist to give. It's been like 5 minutes and I'm still LOLing at this image.

RadioJack April 22, 2011 at 2:13 pm

You now what gets my blood pressure up?

SorosBot April 22, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Too many anus burgers?

nounverb911 April 22, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Simon Legree?

BornInATrailer April 22, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Salt?

LabRodent April 22, 2011 at 2:25 pm

High Salt intake?

weejee April 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm

The FCC?

trondant April 22, 2011 at 2:31 pm

The rubber-band trick?

Mumbletypeg April 22, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Monkeys trained to ride dogs while wearing little rodeo costumes?

RadioJack April 22, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Imagine if this lady saw monkeys on dogs, she'd stroke out.

Mumbletypeg April 22, 2011 at 3:06 pm

I had hoped to contrive a comment along those lines.. I think my snark engine is taking an early Easter holiday. But fist is still amp'd.

SheriffRoscoe April 22, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Forgetting to take your blood pressure pills?

Mumbletypeg April 22, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Blogs that decided to call themselves "Nooga."

angryclownspawn April 22, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Not charging your mobility scooter before you went to the rally and then running out of power and having to actually walk around while carrying your misspelled sign? Oh no, wait, that was my in laws…

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Sipping espresso at a sidewalk cafe while people-watching?

Lascauxcaveman April 22, 2011 at 2:13 pm

I don't get it, Did the dog have a gun?

LabRodent April 22, 2011 at 2:40 pm

We dont know. We just dont know.

Toomush_Infer April 22, 2011 at 3:01 pm

That's only in westerns…as in: "Don't give your dog a gun, son/ Don't give your dog a gun…"

Ruhe April 22, 2011 at 3:24 pm

No, you moran. The monkey had the gun!

BornInATrailer April 22, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Dogs don't kill people, people…

Wait, no, actually sometimes dogs do kill people.

Pragmatist2 April 22, 2011 at 2:14 pm

She's stupid. But you know, she's stupid in a sort of Democrat-without-a-brain-but-really-means-well sort of way – like Al Sharpton or Dennis Kucinich. She's not stupid in the Tea-Party-I-don't-know-shit-but-i-have-to-come-up-with-a-rationale-for-my-hate Michelle Bachmann kind of way

Goonemeritus April 22, 2011 at 2:38 pm

I do find our stupid more endearing.

SheriffRoscoe April 22, 2011 at 2:59 pm

and funny…..

SheriffRoscoe April 22, 2011 at 2:16 pm

She should try petting a dog. Petting dogs is known to lower blood pressure.

June_Cleaver2.0 April 22, 2011 at 4:09 pm

And cutting out fat and sugar in her diet. And probably walking really fast for about 30 minutes a day.

Rosie_Scenario April 22, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Call Mitt Romney. He knows how to handle dogs. When he's not singing "Who let the dogs out," that is.

PuckStopsHere April 22, 2011 at 3:17 pm

I couldn't agree more. That dog should have been properly lashed to the roof of a station wagon. And who did let the dogs out??? I smell conspiracy!!!

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 2:17 pm

If we start letting dogs act like citizens, the mexicans will expect it too.

Oblios_Cap April 22, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Ruh Roh!

V572..whatever April 22, 2011 at 2:17 pm

My experience as a US Postal Service letter carrier years ago showed me that many if not all dogs are racists.

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 2:52 pm
LowProfileinGA April 22, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Dogs are non-discriminatory; ask any UPS driver, black, white, mezzican. Wait. The trucks are brown.
Never mind.

LabRodent April 22, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Did the Dog call her a BITCH or something. Cause its means something totally different to Dogs.

YasserArraFeck April 22, 2011 at 2:21 pm

"You Bitch!!" means "Yo Babe!!" in doggish

Moonbatting Average April 22, 2011 at 2:18 pm

The Tennessee Lege has been really entertaining this week, what with Christian Einstein earlier and now ZOMG DOGS

arihaya April 22, 2011 at 2:18 pm

this will lead the Tennessee legislature to ban doggy style position

Fare la Volpe April 22, 2011 at 2:21 pm

The teen pregnancy rate will drop to zero.

V572..whatever April 22, 2011 at 2:41 pm

When I was a teen, any style besides "flying solo" would've been great…

V572..whatever April 22, 2011 at 2:22 pm

But Clarence will overturn it on appeal to the Supreme Court, so no worries.

nounverb911 April 22, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Rick Santorum is not amused.

CapeClod April 22, 2011 at 2:21 pm

"If someone had approached you with a gun, you would have experienced the same thing.”

That's not the same thing. Its far easier to get a gun than a dog in most states.

DemmeFatale April 22, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Really.
Have you ever tried to get a dog from a rescue? Some of those people are bat-shit.

AJW@[redacted] April 22, 2011 at 10:44 pm

Easier to adopt human babby!

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 3:06 pm

How is puppy formed?

edgydrifter April 22, 2011 at 2:21 pm

I did a little research on this. It turns out that most of Tennessee's violent crimes since, well, since forever have been committed by men. Now, I know that some people value them for companionship and whatnot, but… OMG Joanne–there's one right behind you!!

Fare la Volpe April 22, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Two legs good, four legs bad.

weejee April 22, 2011 at 2:27 pm

What about no legs, like snakes, being very bad or would the Rethugs complain about discrimination?

CapeClod April 22, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Dogs Attempting To Overthrow Government of Tennessee

And who is to say they wouldn't do a better job?

MasterDebater April 22, 2011 at 2:25 pm

“I’m tremendously aware of the companionship of dogs."

Ummm…this is really, really creepy.

Fare la Volpe April 22, 2011 at 2:28 pm

It's Tennessee, dear. Just go with it.

MasterDebater April 22, 2011 at 2:36 pm

That's what she said!

(I can't believe I just made that joke. OK time to vomit early today!)

Schmannnity April 22, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Clearly, Tennessee legislators need to be more heavily armed. And brained.

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 2:30 pm

The TN legislature is one of the few that occasionally makes the Arizona legislature look reasonable and measured.

TanzbodenKoenig April 22, 2011 at 3:12 pm

As a lifelong Tennessean, I'm rooting for the dogs, personally. We aren't known for our politickin'

YasserArraFeck April 22, 2011 at 2:25 pm

I dunno, wading through dogshit outside, drowning in bullshit inside – is this the State House or Noah's Ark?

mavenmaven April 22, 2011 at 2:25 pm

It was bad enough making fun of down's syndrome, but if you start on dogs, the conservatives will really go batshit on you…

Schmannnity April 22, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Let's start another Trig thread to see how closely this is being watched.

mavenmaven April 22, 2011 at 2:34 pm

One of those "morans" is "following" me, so the downfisting will be soon, I fear. They called me a "keyboard commando" for wonkette because I made a comment on that Big page about Todd Palin impregnating hookers.

Cheetah Repeater April 22, 2011 at 3:07 pm

You're commenting while not wearing underpants?

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 3:08 pm

He's not the only one.

V572..whatever April 22, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Slightly OT, but this is hilarious:
http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-t

Doktor Zoom April 23, 2011 at 2:22 am

As someone whose married lover has an autistic child, I should not have laughed as loud as I did at that.

I want to drive the train.

Negropolis April 23, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Oh boy, that's some spot-on satire.

hagajim April 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm

And the dog says…"I shall shat upon yon plaza and not poopy scoop it either!"

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Who let the dogs out?

Who? Who?

DerrickWildcat April 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Tennesseein' is Tennebelievin'!

BornInATrailer April 22, 2011 at 2:27 pm

I, for one, welcome our new canine Overlords.

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum April 22, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Whose the bestest Overload ever?
That's right, you are! You are!

Negropolis April 23, 2011 at 2:30 am

Don't blame me; I voted for Big Pussy.

pinkocommi April 22, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Ugly people scare me too.

Warpde April 22, 2011 at 2:27 pm

See. This is why she should have run for the House in Texas.
Could have just pulled out her concealed weapon and shoot that mangy dog like the dog he is.
Cat's rule!

YasserArraFeck April 22, 2011 at 2:31 pm

TWO LEGS GOOD, FOUR LEGS……..er……..GOODER!!!!

it is TN, after all

Goonemeritus April 22, 2011 at 2:32 pm

First they came for the dogs and we remained silent…

OneYieldRegular April 22, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Needs moar "More." (Riz Ortolani's theme song from "Mondo Cane").

mereoblivion April 22, 2011 at 3:05 pm

More than the simple "ruff"s you hear me say;
I only live to bite you more each day.

AJW@[redacted] April 22, 2011 at 10:47 pm

I remember them eating monkeys in that movie, but also dogs?

Mumbletypeg April 22, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Favorite'd.

EdFlintstone April 22, 2011 at 2:38 pm

She really stepped in it now.

simplyblue7 April 22, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Damn dogs with their dog agendas!

Southern_Beale April 22, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Interestingly enough, the one and only place the TN State Legislature has banned guns is the State Capitol. And now dogs? Hmm, I'd say our state legislators are a bunch of chickenshits.

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum April 22, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Why aren't gigantic flying turtles a part of this discussion?

SheriffRoscoe April 22, 2011 at 2:44 pm

If you're complaining, publicly, about blood pressure issues while carrying an extra, oh say forty pounds of body weight, don't let a dog lover like me hear about your irrational fear of dogs fer fuck sake.

Ohforcripessake April 22, 2011 at 4:57 pm

An extra 40 pounds? My aren't you being generous!

Toomush_Infer April 22, 2011 at 2:52 pm

She needs to see a psychiatrist – everyone knows that dogs just mostly sit around, playing poker and smoking cigars…

SheriffRoscoe April 22, 2011 at 2:54 pm

I was going to seriously recommend Prozac.

Ruhe April 22, 2011 at 3:27 pm

And if she's freaked out by that her therapist will reassure her that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Preferred Customer April 22, 2011 at 2:52 pm

She is aware of all canine traditions.

MasterDebater April 22, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Has anyone made a "who let the dogs out" reference yet? I'm too lazy to go through all the comments to see. If not, then, yay me.

EdFlintstone April 22, 2011 at 3:00 pm

In her defense, think of all the man on dog sex and the resulting canine santorum that will foul the plaza.

RadioJack April 22, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Cleopatra, the eternal upfist magnet.

Negropolis April 23, 2011 at 2:23 am

70's Blaxploitation character Cleopatra Jones?

BZ1 April 22, 2011 at 3:00 pm

If the dogs get outta line, see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noSo5io0JLI

JustPixelz April 22, 2011 at 3:03 pm

You know who else mauled dogs?
- Michael Vick
- Kim Jung Il's chef
- Lassie's cousin Louie

mereoblivion April 22, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Call in David Huckabee!

KeepFnThatChicken April 22, 2011 at 3:08 pm

I bet there is a County and City Mayor, a THP Capitol Security Team, the Metro Council, and a Metro Animal Care & Control office that are probably sitting around, wondering "Why didn't she just fucking ask?"

I mean, I got cut off in traffic this morning, and Bradley Manning is still in the jernt, but you don't see me callin' my fuckin' legislator.

Cheetah Repeater April 22, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Regardless of one's political persuasion, I think we can all agree as a nation that thisdiscussionisprettyfuckingstupid. Am I right?

Fare la Volpe April 22, 2011 at 3:10 pm

It was actually about dog-fighting, though hell if a Republican can tell the difference between a Rottweiler and a soldier.

Beowoof April 22, 2011 at 3:24 pm

I appear to have been given the banhammer, I am out.

Lascauxcaveman April 22, 2011 at 3:58 pm

No, I'm getting the This comment has been deleted by the administrator bit a lot today, too. Teh Wonkettes is glitchy today. Glitchette.

Beowoof April 22, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Thanks, I was thinking there was one bad joke too many about you know who.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Ironic, considering your avatar.

LowProfileinGA April 22, 2011 at 3:26 pm

There goes the yellow-dog Democrat vote.

Callyson April 22, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Well, I'm sick of the dogs who seem to get elected to state legislatures. Case in point: the California Republicans…compared to them, I'll take the companionship of a canine any day…

user-of-owls April 22, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Ok, so now they've taken out the Negro and the dog. Time to put the cow on the tracks and kill for the cycle.

user-of-owls April 22, 2011 at 3:41 pm

So, just another Dog Day Afternoon in Tennessee, eh?

Buckminster April 22, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Dogs would probably do a better job.

Walkinwiddaking April 22, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Maybe if she wasn't built like a 400 pound bag of Chuckwagon that dawg wouldn't have been sniffing around the plaza in the first place.

OzoneTom April 22, 2011 at 4:10 pm

About time that someone documented Dumb Things Liberals Say.

EDIT: Darn, I get to page two of comments and someone already pointed that out. Too much competition for the low-hanging fruit.

XOhioan April 22, 2011 at 4:24 pm

DINGOES ATE MY LEGISLATIVE ASSISTANT!

XOhioan April 22, 2011 at 4:26 pm

That Byrd clip—priceless. BAR-BAR-IC. (extremely long, uncomfortable pause) BAR-BAR-ICCC!

Dudleydidwrong April 22, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Reminds of the old (and lamented!) Gary Larson Far Side cartoon: a flying saucer filled with dogs is sitting in a back yard. A dog is on the back porch talking to the residents of the house. The dog says: "Well, they've finally come for me. But before I go I want you all to roll over and play dead."

Sue4466 April 22, 2011 at 5:37 pm

She's in the south. People here are fucking stupid about dogs (and several other things, but trying to stay on topic).

Sue4466 April 22, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Frankly, given the state of Tennessee politics, the dogs couldn't do much worse and would likely bring much needed reforms.

First up on the legislative docket: Be it resolved we finally answer "who's a good dog?"

PubOption April 22, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Yellow Dog Democrats?

Mort_Sinclair April 22, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Just goes to show ya that no matter what party you're in in Tennessee, you're likely to be a cretin.

Negropolis April 23, 2011 at 2:13 am

I'm tired of these motherfuckin' dogs in this motherfuckin' plaza!

If this was bad for her, she'll really hate Hotel for Dogs.

BTW, I completely understand her fear. I was deathly afraid of dogs for years, myself. Still a little nervous around some. They say it's a black thing.

Doktor Zoom April 23, 2011 at 2:25 am

This is one of those dog-whistle statements I keep hearing about, isn't it?

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 3:15 pm

…FOR ME TO POOP ON!!

Troubledog April 23, 2011 at 11:21 pm

BARBARIC

AZW88 April 25, 2011 at 12:57 am

if you give a dog a plaza, he'll want a seat in the legislature. Give a dog a seat in the legislature, he'll want a seat in the US Senate. Give a dog a seat in the US Senate……

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