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Muslim-Hating Wingnut (Not Palin) Shoots His Own Car For Some Reason

The new senator from Florida.Rat-faced hillbilly “Pastor Terry Jones” still exists, for some reason. (Weren’t we supposed to drop him from a Predator onto a pile of rocks in Afghanistan, so that one of his stray limbs would kill a child or a nursing mother? Is this even America anymore?) So, this Terry Jones character is going around, spewing racism and ignorance on local teevee programs so the nation’s millions of semi-literate unemployed slobs can figure out which already-oppressed minority to HATE for the three-decade-long GOP/kleptocrat program to take away working people’s homes, jobs, health care and minimal financial security. And, for some reason, “Pastor Terry Jones” shot up the floor of his crappy car. Goldanged Muslims are everywhere!

There’s a lot of stupid packed into these next few sentences:

Controversial Pastor Terry Jones made a name for himself after burning a Koran to protest radical Islam. On Thursday, Jones fired bullet into the floorboard of his car. It happened in the parking lot at FOX 2 just moments after he appeared on live TV with Huel Perkins on the “Let it Rip’ show.

Southfield Police say the gun accidentally discharged. No one was hurt. No Charges were filed. Police gave the gun back to Jones and sent him on his way.

We don’t want to overuse the “and that’s the entire story of America in 2011″ trope, but this is actually the entire story of America in 2011. [My Fox Detroit via Wonkette super-operative Monsieur Grumpe]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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120 comments

  1. Badonkadonkette

    No one was hurt.

    He's slipping. Last time he made the news for being a fuckwit, he got, what, 40 people killed?

    1. TanzbodenKoenig

      That was just beginner's luck. Now he's facing the tough reality of just how hard it is to rouse rabbles professionally

  2. GunToting[Redacted]

    I know exactly how this happened… The good pastor was reholstering his concealed handgun with his finger on the trigger. The real news here is that the local Fox affiliate must ban handguns/weapons on the premises.

    Why does Fox Nooze hate real Americans?

  3. BZ1

    What is he? a kindergartner in Texas? can't any of the wingnuts keep their piece in their pockets?

    1. YasserArraFeck

      can't any of the wingnuts keep their piece in their pockets?
      Ask Ensign – the answer is, apparently, "No"

    1. Steverino247

      After he killed the donkey, he had to go to the local inn, hand the desk clerk three nails and ask to be put up for the night.

    1. JustPixelz

      "Accidental firearm discharge" is sorta the opposite problem as "erectile disfunction". Big Pharma is on the job…

      You never know when you're too ready. For those moments, there's NoCome™.
      ______________
      If you have an erection lasting more than 4 minutes, stop taking NoCome.

    2. SayItWithWookies

      If it was good enough for Saul of Tarsus, it's good enough for white fundamentalist America.

    3. Swampgas_Man

      I thought "accidental discharge" referred to premature ejaculation, but I have a dirty mind.

  4. JustPixelz

    Possible explanations…
    - The car was using Sharia Law, 20 MPF (miles per fatwah) your results may vary.
    - That NRA oxymoronic "gun safety" course isn't as good as they claim.
    - He was in Detroit and just felt like shooting his 1993 Camry.
    - Wanted to get an early start on his "peaceful" protest
    - The car was of the devil.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        "Ford Fatwa" sounds better, since Dearborn is the home of both Ford Motor Co and the New American Caliphate.

        1. Fukui_sanYesOta

          Whereas the Chevy Sharia is manufactured in Mexico entirely from black tar heroin.

  5. OneYieldRegular

    To use some literary parlance, the only way this brilliant short story could improve on its masterful assembly of "unities" is if Jones' car turns out to be a Dodge Avenger – or a Ford Pinto.

    1. Gopherit

      He has a conceal carry permit. That means he had to take a test to prove his competency. Thousands of people have these in Florida. In some states like AZ and Alaska, you don't even need to go that far…….just buy the gun and go. See if that lets you sleep…..ever again.

      1. Chillwaver

        Nah, I live in Texas – people have wet dreams about someday being able to "Bruce Willis" their way out of a situation.

        1. Gopherit

          It works for Walker: Texas Ranger all the time. Also, congrats on being in the one state that has a higher gun to person ratio than AZ.

  6. nounverb911

    "Shoots His Own Car For Some Reason"
    Hopefully the car will get even by running off the road.

  7. memzilla

    Funny how a Muslim hater drives a car fueled by compressed dinosaurs that were once citizens of present-day Saudi Arabia.

    I'm surprised his response to shooting his own car wasn't "I meant to do that!"

    1. tessiee

      "I'm surprised his response to shooting his own car wasn't "I meant to do that!" "

      The Reverend Pee-Wee Jones?

    2. reshas1

      You do know the US's biggest supplier is Canada, right? Oh, doesn't fit the war for oil meme…

  8. Barb

    The story would be sweeter if the bullet ricocheted and was imbedded in the Koran he was clutching, ready for the burn pile, and his life was saved. Nah, I would have settled for the bullet hitting him in his nut sack.

    1. tessiee

      I would have settled for the bullet hitting him anywhere.

      [One good thing about being in a Depression is that you learn how to lower your expectations.]

  9. Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

    Look, he was just trying to open his beer when the truckstop hooker accidentally knocked the loaded gun off a stack of titty mags and ephedrine-based diet pills. It could have happened to anyone.

  10. OkieDokieDog

    Jebus is so disappointed in the Pastor because did not kill an innocent brown, black, or woman bystander while masturbating his pistol. Pastor Terry must now redeem himself by burning moar Korans and Dixie Chick albums.

  11. Callyson

    Southfield Police say the gun accidentally discharged.
    That's what the gun *wants* everyone to think…

  12. Mort_Sinclair

    Actually, he thought he was massaging his iron-hard "gun" when, sadly, in fact, it was the OTHER gun.

  13. nounverb911

    "Police gave the gun back to Jones and sent him on his way."
    When does the "Gunfight at the OK Corral" start?

  14. prommie

    Whats he doing in Michigan? Did he go there on purpose just to taunt the muslims? That he hasn't made himself a martyr yet just proves the muslims are not dangerous or violent.

    1. Gopherit

      Gloryhole? let's see…….40 caliber. That's probably about the right diameter for the good Reverend.

    2. CapnFatback

      An Accent? What's a guy got to threaten to burn around here to get his butt in the luxurious seat of a Santa Fe?

  15. donner_froh

    Lame. Shooting holes in your car isn't news in Detroit (Southfield borders Detroit, Channel 2 is quite close to Detroit) Shooting up someone else's car is also below the radar unless you kill someone and even then it will be ignored if it is just another citizen returning fire at a drive-by.

    News is when a bullet hits a white person.

    1. Gopherit

      In Arizona, we usually wait until they don't run anymore and are up on blocks outside our trailers before we start shooting our cars. To each their own.

    2. Negropolis

      A white Canadian woman was robbed in Detroit the other night, and it was like frontpage news in the Windsor Star.

  16. owhatever

    Now he can cut the front bumper off the car and have it mounted as a trophy to be hung in his pastoral study. Getting in a gunfight with yourself is kinda loopy, dude..

  17. cheetojeebus

    Next time he should try to think about something sad like lost puppies or something, it'll last longer.

  18. fartknocker

    As sad and maddening this story is, I must say Happy Easter fellow wonketters. I'm going to paint some easter eggs using the really cool blingeee as the motif. Thanks Ken – my nephews will love it.

  19. Oblios_Cap

    the “Let it Rip’ show?

    Is that a Bunch O' Rednecks standing around seeing who can produce the nastiest farts?

  20. jus_wonderin

    I honestly believe it is bad karma to piss off your car. They do have souls. And, their retribution is…inconvenient.

  21. [redacted]hse

    Well the sword-swallower he comes up to you and then he kneels
    He crosses himself and then he clicks his high heels
    and without further notice he asks you how it feels
    and he says 'Here is your throat back, thanks for the loan'
    And you know something is happening but you don't know what it is
    do you, Mr. Jones?
    -Dylan

  22. Toomush_Infer

    He has a lot to thank God for – breathing, this tidbit: ("the police gave him his gun back and sent him on his way.") – just think if God had made his skin darker….Jayzuss…

  23. fuflans

    i never really thought of it before, but of course this tool has a gun and carries it.

    i feel so much better now.

  24. Beowoof

    This comment has been deleted by the administrator.

    Curses no references to the spawn of the north.

  25. AznMom420

    Does this make Pastor Terry the Barney Fife of southern evangelists? Where is Pastor Andy to confiscate his bullets when you need him.

  26. Beowoof

    Is it the reference to shooting off like never before that keeps getting my comments deleted.

  27. ttommyunger

    Not to be outdone by a Darky (Richard Pryor) the Good Pastor claimed he actually intended to shoot his car. Seems the automobile went both ways and that, of course, is against the Good Book. In reality, this dickweed has no control over his mouth, his mustache or his handgun.

  28. valgal2342

    What kind of lazy ass reporting is this? What kind of car does Pastor Terry Jones have? How much you wanna bet it weren't no "Merikan" car? Unless of course, maybe a Gremlin or perhaps a rusty Pinto. Car aficionados want to know. Will Click and Clack reveal the secret on Car Talk this weekend?

    1. tessiee

      "Will Click and Clack reveal the secret on Car Talk this weekend?"

      Since their show is on NPR, there's a certain irony in that.

  29. Negropolis

    This happened in Southfield, a majority-black suburb of Detroit. If this would have been one of the locals, they'd have brutalized him and then charged him resisting arrest and discharging a firearm within city limits, which I don't think it allowed in any Michigan city.

    It's funny, because this fucker was blabbing about how he was coming in peace and wouldn't pose a danger to the community, and the stupid fuck ends up nearly shooting himself. There really is no God; if there was, that bullet would have severed his fucking femeral artery and he'd have bleed out in that rustbucket.

  30. Negropolis

    Update: Terry Jones was jailed for refusing to pay a $1 "peace bond." He was bound out, and he can't go anywhere the mosque for three years. I just have to say that I don't have any sympathy for him, and the local branch of ACLU can bitch and moan all they want. The whole point was for the city to fuck with him like he tried to fuck with Dearborn. Stay out of Dearborn, Terry.

  31. widget2011

    Southfield Police say the gun accidentally discharged. No one was hurt. No Charges were filed. Police gave the gun back to Jones and sent him on his way.

    This is just wrong on so many levels

    1. Why does the "preacher" need to carry a gun. One would think that sky god & son would have his back.
    2.If that was the average person, you know goddamned well the cops would at least confiscate your gun. and likely recommend you for a psychiatric evualuation, provided they didn't arrest you on the spot.
    3. So the bottom line is, this paranoid moron has to hurt someone (personally) before we take his gun away, we can only hope that that "someone" is himself.

  32. tessiee

    "Believe in me
    Help me believe in anything
    I want to be someone who believes
    Mr. Jones and me tell each other fairy tales"

Comments are closed.