MS. DOS  12:50 pm April 22, 2011

Christine O’Donnell Blames Living Off Campaign Funds On Bad Software

by Jack Stuef

The machines can never do better than this work of art.According to former U.S. Senate candidate-witch Christine O’Donnell, her troubles over her fundraising reports are due to “inadvertent errors” in the software that was used by her campaign. Computers, you see, are dumb, and Christine O’Donnell is smart. Does this explain how the computer decided to rent out a townhouse for her on the campaign’s dime? No. And even if the computer did rent out the place, did she just go, “Oh, you’re paying rent for me on a townhouse, computer? That’s so nice of you! If you have certain manly needs, computer, let me know. That means I will have sex with you, if you can’t understand innuendo.” What kind of finance software just “automatically” buys you homes and groceries anyway? Was she using The Sims? THAT’S NOT BOOKKEEPING SOFTWARE.

A typical day at the O’Donnell campaign:

STAFFER: We need to buy more campaign signs.
O’DONNELL: Okay, I’ll put it into the software… Huh, it looks like one of the kids peed himself.
STAFFER: I’m sorry?
O’DONNELL: The software shows one of the kids peed himself. Oh, I forgot that I set my husband on fire yesterday.
STAFFER: What? Are you playing The Sims?
O’DONNELL: No, this is finance software. Hmm, there must be a glitch. Give me the campaign checkbook. I’ll write out a check to my landlord. The money should make its way to the sign company that way, right?
STAFFER: Christine, I don’t think—
O’DONNELL: I’m you.

Lay off, feds. It’s an obvious software error. There’s nothing wrong with the user. (She’s not a witch at all, if that’s what you’re wondering!) [Wilmington News Journal]

 

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{ 138 comments }

GunToting[Redacted] April 22, 2011 at 12:51 pm

May we burn her?

MittsHairHelmet April 22, 2011 at 12:53 pm

What do we burn apart from witches?

GunToting[Redacted] April 22, 2011 at 12:55 pm

MORE witches!

JustPixelz April 22, 2011 at 1:06 pm

our bridges behind us?
our hopes for the future?

nounverb911 April 22, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Terry Jones?

trampndirtdown April 23, 2011 at 12:46 am

Actually I think Terry Gilliam directed that scene not Terry Jon….. Oh you meant the other guy with the mustache. Sorry.

Ohforcripessake April 22, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Doobies!

V572..whatever April 22, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Fossil fuels?

cheaphits April 22, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Bush

Bonzos_Bed_Time April 22, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Lots and lots of coal.

MittsHairHelmet April 22, 2011 at 4:12 pm

wood?

Barb April 22, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Did she not notice that she wasn't writing checks for the rent and somehow, didn't get evicted?

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] April 22, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Well, she doesn't seem to have noticed that she's a ridiculous caricature of a human being yet, so I guess it isn't so far fetched that a comparatively minor thing like not paying money for stuff might slip her mind.

Barb April 22, 2011 at 12:58 pm

She must believe in the rent elves.

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Step one: Run for senate
Step two: ????
Step three: OMG! Profit!

HogeyeGrex April 23, 2011 at 2:24 am

Isn't that gnomes?

Elves, gnomes, witches. Who says politics is boring?

weejee April 22, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Probly all black art intubie payments beyond Xtine's frame of reference.

Barb April 22, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Unless you are making payments on a Bentley, rent/mortgage should be your first payment out and the largest. How the hell could she NOT know that she wasn't paying her own rent. She hasn't held a job in ages!!!!

weejee April 22, 2011 at 1:25 pm

The maths are just so hard. Easier to put on a lady bug costume, giggle, and then the next thing you know you are a candidate for the US Senate.

V572..whatever April 22, 2011 at 1:45 pm

This is known as "the Palin Procedure."

Barb April 22, 2011 at 2:12 pm

I dressed up as a bee once. Does that qualify me to hold office? http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e324/Barb092162

MittsHairHelmet April 22, 2011 at 12:54 pm

I wish someone would inadvertently pay my rent.

jus_wonderin April 22, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Ooops.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Planned Parenthood pays mine in exchange for my eight or nine abortions a week.

RedneckMuslin April 22, 2011 at 12:55 pm

She's like a virus.

weejee April 22, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Can someone degauss her hard drive? That might help.

user-of-owls April 22, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Maladroit-ware?

BTWBFDIMHO April 22, 2011 at 12:56 pm

I am not a glitch.

emmelemm April 22, 2011 at 1:34 pm

A+ Would fist again and again.

Zvi_Bleindmeis April 22, 2011 at 7:35 pm

I'm I. O. U.!

jonzin April 22, 2011 at 12:56 pm

I got nothing. I just, um, what the fuck? She's not even really trying to cover the shit up.

widestanceroman April 22, 2011 at 1:10 pm

A blind two-legged cat with no sense of smell could do a better job of covering shit up.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 1:54 pm

On a marble floor.

GOPCrusher April 22, 2011 at 4:02 pm

If she was trying to cover something up, that would imply that she knows the difference between right and wrong.
I don't think she believes she's done anything wrong. She probably believes that if people give her money to run for office, that means she can use it for anything she wants.

Clancy_Pants April 22, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Let me know how the TurboTax defense works. I may have to try that next year.

owhatever April 22, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Another proud graduate of Trump University.

JustPixelz April 22, 2011 at 1:04 pm

It ain't a "University" no more. Trump said he didn't know that naming has, like, standards. Then he said he they met the standard. You know, the one he didn't know about.

CalamityJames April 22, 2011 at 1:13 pm

"I have many many many many more standards."

riverside68 April 22, 2011 at 1:22 pm

huge HUGE standards, solid gold ones that I sit on.

(We are talking plumbing here, right?)

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 1:55 pm

You did say "sit", right?

johnnymeatworth April 22, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Wait, Lego Star Wars doesn't manage money?!

SmutBoffin April 22, 2011 at 1:11 pm

"How can my campaign be broke? I got all of the coins on level 3 of Super Mario Brothers!"

metamarcisf April 22, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Today's best headline (Politico):

Krauthammer: Trump Is Running

Or do I have that backwards?

donner_froh April 22, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Trumphammer: Kraut is Running?

arihaya April 22, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Krauthammer sounds like a food ,,, oh sorry that's Sauerkraut

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 1:56 pm

It sounds like something in the Wagner/Led Zeppelin Krapperdammerung universe.

HempDogbane April 22, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Not everyone has the luck to have Ensign's "software."

OneDollarJuana April 22, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Apparently not even Ensign, who has re-En-signed from the Senate.

DangerHelvetica April 22, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Wake me up when she gets derezzed.

Goonemeritus April 22, 2011 at 1:03 pm

It must be hard keeping your unemployed salary separate from your campaign funds.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 22, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Oh what's all this now about women having sex with computers?
~

OneDollarJuana April 22, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Dang wimmen, allus tryin to horn in on a guy's fun.

Lascauxcaveman April 22, 2011 at 1:04 pm

I always tell my kids (since we don't have a dog), the most important words they need to remember for school are: "MS Office ate my homework."

ChessieNefercat April 22, 2011 at 4:53 pm

And odds are, the big stinker did.

Callyson April 22, 2011 at 1:04 pm

“inadvertent errors” in the software that was used
Would the designer of this software be a CompSci major from Glenn Beck University? If so, I *might* believe this crackpot story…

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 1:07 pm

I can totally see how money that should be in a designated campaign account "accidentally" found its way into her personal account. Bad computer!! Bad!!!

"I can't be out of money! I still have checks!"

CrunchyKnee April 22, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Needz moar bush.

MasterDebater April 22, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Well, she doesn't wax if that helps.

DownFist Troll April 22, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Note to self: Pay of mortgage by running for senate.

FlownOver April 22, 2011 at 1:07 pm

This is what happens when you ignore the parental advisory for Mortal Kombat: The Coven.

SmutBoffin April 22, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Just checking in to see if C. O'D. is still a stupid liar.

Yep.

When will she announce for president?

not that Dewey April 22, 2011 at 3:37 pm

"Cash on Delivery" is quite an apt name for her.

JustPixelz April 22, 2011 at 1:09 pm

I'm sure she figured her rent was just paid by magic.

BZ1 April 22, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Oh what a tangled web… and so on and so on…

phlox✔ April 22, 2011 at 1:10 pm

I'll bet she has a back door virus… if you know what I mean.
And I think you do.

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 1:22 pm

More like syphilis. Nothing rots a brain faster……and when it starts off with a brain as weak as Christine's……well.

Mahousu April 22, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Poor Christine. After her campaign stopped inadvertently paying her rent, her PAC inadvertently took over. Unfortunately, her PAC's lease inadvertently expired March 31, which apparently has inadvertently left her homeless. Inadvertently, though, it makes it much harder to serve her with legal papers, so this may inadvertently prove to be an advantage in the long run.

[redacted]hse April 22, 2011 at 1:55 pm

It couldn't be averted.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Mistakes were made.

Hatrabbit April 22, 2011 at 1:14 pm

She knows if you handle your money bits too often you'll probly go blind.

jus_wonderin April 22, 2011 at 1:15 pm

I pay my bills with my salary. Not campaign contributions. She's not me.

Gopherit April 22, 2011 at 1:20 pm

You mean you can set up more than one account on quicken? What will they come up with next?

Buckminster April 22, 2011 at 1:16 pm

And for her next act, she'll magically transform into a bat.

Oh, wait. She already has. An insane old bat.

emmelemm April 22, 2011 at 1:36 pm

She's not really that old.

AJW@[redacted] April 22, 2011 at 7:33 pm

She is, in bat years.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 1:59 pm

"She's not really that old."

But she's sure-nuff batty.

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum April 22, 2011 at 1:16 pm

April 15, 2010: TurboTax becomes self-aware.

Dudleydidwrong April 22, 2011 at 5:19 pm

And has its first orgasm…

widestanceroman April 22, 2011 at 1:18 pm

OT, and I'd like to be mature about this, but on the other hand:

I JUST GOT 100p SCORE, I JUST GOT 100p SCORE, I JUST GOT 100p SCORE.

Thanks, all you evil commenters, I couldn't have done it without you.

HistoriCat April 22, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Congratulations. Just remember, the first 100 is the easy part – it gets harder from here. And no, you don't get half priced drinks for having 100 p. Total ripoff.

natoslug April 22, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Congrats. I had 100p once, but then I commented on the Trig thread and things started going limp.

trampndirtdown April 23, 2011 at 12:56 am

You sure its not the gin that's making it go limp?
Oh and congrats to widestance.

ChessieNefercat April 22, 2011 at 4:56 pm

You're an inspiration!

Oblios_Cap April 22, 2011 at 1:20 pm

She's You!

simplyblue7 April 22, 2011 at 1:20 pm

In her defense…the computer wasn't even plugged in.

SayItWithWookies April 22, 2011 at 1:20 pm

So someone was expecting a woman who claims to have had two virginities over the course of her lifetime to be good with numbers? That was probably a mistake.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 2:01 pm

It seems to me that a woman with more than one virginity had *better* be good at math, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

lulzmonger April 22, 2011 at 1:21 pm

She IS a witch!
She's channeling Kathy Nickolaus like a real little (Storm)trooper!

♪ ♫ OOOO-EEEEEE-OOOOOOO…♪ ♫

EdFlintstone April 22, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Beat that Palin.

BornInATrailer April 22, 2011 at 1:25 pm

It's that personal responsibility they've been talking about.

Jerri April 22, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Goddamnit. How come "Ctrl-Shift-C: Motherlode" never works for me in real life?

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Hey, don't ask me. I'm still figuring out the "whine-pout" sequence in princess.exe.

Chillwaver April 22, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Give her a break, people; she is an expert in "personal accountability," not "personal accounting."

Texan_Bulldog April 22, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Apparently it wasn't her rent payment but her waxing bill. It was just hard to hide that large amount under "Miscellaneous".

Mahousu April 22, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Hair libel! By all accounts (well, just the one), she is not spending money in that department.

DashboardBuddha April 22, 2011 at 1:38 pm

As an aside…having accounting software work like Half-Life would be pretty cool.

prommie April 22, 2011 at 1:39 pm

For years her rent was paid by a mysterious Philadelphia lawyer under some arrangement I am sure was completely abvove-board and for which there was no quid-pro-quo expected. When it comes to the rent, apparently she has always depended on the kindness of strangers.

philpjfry April 22, 2011 at 1:43 pm

It was the software and the twinkees……yeah that's it

MooseDroppings April 22, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Whoa … you should try living with my computer! The thing keeps ordering cheap pizza and porn.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 2:04 pm

No shit.
I have an invisible maid who comes over twice a week, messes up my house, and eats all the food in my refigerator.
I'd fire the bitch if I could find her.

deanbooth April 22, 2011 at 1:50 pm

And 7,000 votes!

DashboardBuddha April 22, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Anal fister troll has returned.

Gleem_McShineys April 22, 2011 at 1:58 pm

I think maybe she was using Portal, rather than The Sims.

PUT MONEY IN THIS HOLE, MONEY COMES OUT THAT HOLE. Accounting done!

WhatTheHeck April 22, 2011 at 2:07 pm

I just hate it when my computer watches me change in the dark and when it tells me, “No, Dave, I can't do that.”
Like its running my life.

roboturkey April 22, 2011 at 2:18 pm

and she thought chatroulette was her issues focus group

hagajim April 22, 2011 at 2:18 pm

She obviously forgot to pay for that danged Brazilian.

Toomush_Infer April 22, 2011 at 2:20 pm

I don't know what you people are so wonky about – I use the same excuse everytime I fake pay my mortgage the same as the rest of you….

AlNewMan April 22, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Photo caption "at least I was able to purchase this vibrator"

MasterDebater April 22, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Wait, isn't this Rebecca Black? I honestly, seriously, cannot tell them apart.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Perfectly understandable; they both have the intellect and maturity of a sixth grader.

Steverino247 April 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm

ACCOUNTING LIBEL!!!

MittsHairHelmet April 22, 2011 at 2:41 pm

I'd rather not become a whore.

Sheesko April 22, 2011 at 2:46 pm

My God, she's an Escher pol.

DaSandman April 22, 2011 at 3:06 pm

And the latest prompt from Turbo Tax the Witless Wirch saw was "Christine, you dirty dirty little whore…"

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Christopher Walken FTW!!

EdFlintstone April 22, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Not surprisingly, the FEC never questioned the $4,863 spent on Nair products.

ChessieNefercat April 22, 2011 at 3:40 pm

"…her troubles over her fundraising reports are due to “inadvertent errors” in the software that was used by her campaign. "

Ooh, somebody read the stories about the Wisconsin vote whoopsies and decided to try the "the software did it" defense herself.

OneDollarJuana April 22, 2011 at 3:41 pm

I'm seeing a dangerous trend here. Christine's computer "messes up" her campaign finances. A Wisconsin computer "finds" 14000 missing votes in Waukesha. Computer-driven drones "accidentally" kill wedding parties in Pakistan. The machines are taking over!

Jukesgrrl April 23, 2011 at 6:59 pm

StarTrek warned us about The Borg.

franco_pinyon April 22, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Is it possible that this woman is getting dumber? At an alarming rate?

Jukesgrrl April 23, 2011 at 7:01 pm

I don't know … when I get away with not paying something, I feel pretty smart. At least until I get caught. And then I whine, "But how come Dick Cheney gets to do it?"

Jukesgrrl April 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm

She must have purchased the computer in Wisconsin. Ones from there come with the Human Error built in.

metamarcisf April 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm

All a friend can say is "ain't it a shame?"

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 1:57 pm

You guys, that's Sweet Jane, not Christine the Notwitch!

Jukesgrrl April 22, 2011 at 4:39 pm

OK, so I'm allowed to say THAT, but I'm not allowed to write my original post because it included a word that is the opposite of the U word used by Dasandman? A word I've seen here a hundred times? Has our Friday night visitor taken over Wonkette?

DaSandman April 23, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Jukes, maybe some weird ghost in the machine fallout from the Trig as doormat controversy?

sportshort April 22, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Let me get this straight: "The dog bought my homework." Schweet.

notesman April 22, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Is this the same as Timothy Geithner blaming TurboTax for not paying his taxes?

ttommyunger April 22, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Fortunately, these people will never, ever learn to simply shut the fuck up. The Teevee is so lame these days if it weren't for O'D, Trump, Bachmann et. al. I would never get a good laugh.

HogeyeGrex April 23, 2011 at 2:38 am

Now, now. Perhaps this was not intended to be a factual statement.

schvitzatura April 23, 2011 at 5:01 am

Munniez ignernt Excel Spreadsheet is munniez ignernt.

Tundra Grifter April 24, 2011 at 8:51 pm

Jack: "Ms DOS" – very, very funny!

If she blames this "error" on software, Ole Newt must have a server farm working for him.

weejee April 22, 2011 at 2:29 pm

There would be quite a media buzz.

ChessieNefercat April 22, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Why not? My new state rep qualified by having his pull-ups age spawn squeal on the radio at people to vote for their not-too-bright daddy.

Arken April 22, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Would that make you a dress-up barb bee?

AJW@[redacted] April 22, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Rawr! Belushi woulda been proud…

HogeyeGrex April 23, 2011 at 2:26 am

I don't know. You look like one of those Mexican bees. We're going to need to see your long form B-irth certificate.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 1:53 pm

"I dressed up as a bee once."

Cute!
You and the Antonio Banderas bee on the commercial should hook up!

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