According to former U.S. Senate candidate-witch Christine O’Donnell, her troubles over her fundraising reports are due to “inadvertent errors” in the software that was used by her campaign. Computers, you see, are dumb, and Christine O’Donnell is smart. Does this explain how the computer decided to rent out a townhouse for her on the campaign’s dime? No. And even if the computer did rent out the place, did she just go, “Oh, you’re paying rent for me on a townhouse, computer? That’s so nice of you! If you have certain manly needs, computer, let me know. That means I will have sex with you, if you can’t understand innuendo.” What kind of finance software just “automatically” buys you homes and groceries anyway? Was she using The Sims? THAT’S NOT BOOKKEEPING SOFTWARE.
A typical day at the O’Donnell campaign:
STAFFER: We need to buy more campaign signs.
O’DONNELL: Okay, I’ll put it into the software… Huh, it looks like one of the kids peed himself.
STAFFER: I’m sorry?
O’DONNELL: The software shows one of the kids peed himself. Oh, I forgot that I set my husband on fire yesterday.
STAFFER: What? Are you playing The Sims?
O’DONNELL: No, this is finance software. Hmm, there must be a glitch. Give me the campaign checkbook. I’ll write out a check to my landlord. The money should make its way to the sign company that way, right?
STAFFER: Christine, I don’t think—
O’DONNELL: I’m you.
Lay off, feds. It’s an obvious software error. There’s nothing wrong with the user. (She’s not a witch at all, if that’s what you’re wondering!) [Wilmington News Journal]
{ 138 comments }
May we burn her?
What do we burn apart from witches?
MORE witches!
our bridges behind us?
our hopes for the future?
Terry Jones?
Actually I think Terry Gilliam directed that scene not Terry Jon….. Oh you meant the other guy with the mustache. Sorry.
Doobies!
Fossil fuels?
Bush
Lots and lots of coal.
wood?
Did she not notice that she wasn't writing checks for the rent and somehow, didn't get evicted?
Well, she doesn't seem to have noticed that she's a ridiculous caricature of a human being yet, so I guess it isn't so far fetched that a comparatively minor thing like not paying money for stuff might slip her mind.
She must believe in the rent elves.
Step one: Run for senate
Step two: ????
Step three: OMG! Profit!
Isn't that gnomes?
Elves, gnomes, witches. Who says politics is boring?
Probly all black art intubie payments beyond Xtine's frame of reference.
Unless you are making payments on a Bentley, rent/mortgage should be your first payment out and the largest. How the hell could she NOT know that she wasn't paying her own rent. She hasn't held a job in ages!!!!
The maths are just so hard. Easier to put on a lady bug costume, giggle, and then the next thing you know you are a candidate for the US Senate.
This is known as "the Palin Procedure."
I dressed up as a bee once. Does that qualify me to hold office? http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e324/Barb092162…
I wish someone would inadvertently pay my rent.
Ooops.
Planned Parenthood pays mine in exchange for my eight or nine abortions a week.
She's like a virus.
Can someone degauss her hard drive? That might help.
Maladroit-ware?
I am not a glitch.
A+ Would fist again and again.
I'm I. O. U.!
I got nothing. I just, um, what the fuck? She's not even really trying to cover the shit up.
A blind two-legged cat with no sense of smell could do a better job of covering shit up.
On a marble floor.
If she was trying to cover something up, that would imply that she knows the difference between right and wrong.
I don't think she believes she's done anything wrong. She probably believes that if people give her money to run for office, that means she can use it for anything she wants.
Let me know how the TurboTax defense works. I may have to try that next year.
Another proud graduate of Trump University.
It ain't a "University" no more. Trump said he didn't know that naming has, like, standards. Then he said he they met the standard. You know, the one he didn't know about.
"I have many many many many more standards."
huge HUGE standards, solid gold ones that I sit on.
(We are talking plumbing here, right?)
You did say "sit", right?
Wait, Lego Star Wars doesn't manage money?!
"How can my campaign be broke? I got all of the coins on level 3 of Super Mario Brothers!"
Today's best headline (Politico):
Krauthammer: Trump Is Running
Or do I have that backwards?
Trumphammer: Kraut is Running?
Krauthammer sounds like a food ,,, oh sorry that's Sauerkraut
It sounds like something in the Wagner/Led Zeppelin Krapperdammerung universe.
Not everyone has the luck to have Ensign's "software."
Apparently not even Ensign, who has re-En-signed from the Senate.
Wake me up when she gets derezzed.
It must be hard keeping your unemployed salary separate from your campaign funds.
Oh what's all this now about women having sex with computers?
~
Dang wimmen, allus tryin to horn in on a guy's fun.
I always tell my kids (since we don't have a dog), the most important words they need to remember for school are: "MS Office ate my homework."
And odds are, the big stinker did.
“inadvertent errors” in the software that was used
Would the designer of this software be a CompSci major from Glenn Beck University? If so, I *might* believe this crackpot story…
I can totally see how money that should be in a designated campaign account "accidentally" found its way into her personal account. Bad computer!! Bad!!!
"I can't be out of money! I still have checks!"
Needz moar bush.
Well, she doesn't wax if that helps.
Note to self: Pay of mortgage by running for senate.
This is what happens when you ignore the parental advisory for Mortal Kombat: The Coven.
Just checking in to see if C. O'D. is still a stupid liar.
Yep.
When will she announce for president?
"Cash on Delivery" is quite an apt name for her.
I'm sure she figured her rent was just paid by magic.
Oh what a tangled web… and so on and so on…
I'll bet she has a back door virus… if you know what I mean.
And I think you do.
More like syphilis. Nothing rots a brain faster……and when it starts off with a brain as weak as Christine's……well.
Poor Christine. After her campaign stopped inadvertently paying her rent, her PAC inadvertently took over. Unfortunately, her PAC's lease inadvertently expired March 31, which apparently has inadvertently left her homeless. Inadvertently, though, it makes it much harder to serve her with legal papers, so this may inadvertently prove to be an advantage in the long run.
It couldn't be averted.
Mistakes were made.
She knows if you handle your money bits too often you'll probly go blind.
I pay my bills with my salary. Not campaign contributions. She's not me.
You mean you can set up more than one account on quicken? What will they come up with next?
And for her next act, she'll magically transform into a bat.
Oh, wait. She already has. An insane old bat.
She's not really that old.
She is, in bat years.
"She's not really that old."
But she's sure-nuff batty.
April 15, 2010: TurboTax becomes self-aware.
And has its first orgasm…
OT, and I'd like to be mature about this, but on the other hand:
I JUST GOT 100p SCORE, I JUST GOT 100p SCORE, I JUST GOT 100p SCORE.
Thanks, all you evil commenters, I couldn't have done it without you.
Congratulations. Just remember, the first 100 is the easy part – it gets harder from here. And no, you don't get half priced drinks for having 100 p. Total ripoff.
Congrats. I had 100p once, but then I commented on the Trig thread and things started going limp.
You sure its not the gin that's making it go limp?
Oh and congrats to widestance.
You're an inspiration!
She's You!
In her defense…the computer wasn't even plugged in.
So someone was expecting a woman who claims to have had two virginities over the course of her lifetime to be good with numbers? That was probably a mistake.
It seems to me that a woman with more than one virginity had *better* be good at math, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
She IS a witch!
She's channeling Kathy Nickolaus like a real little (Storm)trooper!
♪ ♫ OOOO-EEEEEE-OOOOOOO…♪ ♫
Beat that Palin.
It's that personal responsibility they've been talking about.
Goddamnit. How come "Ctrl-Shift-C: Motherlode" never works for me in real life?
Hey, don't ask me. I'm still figuring out the "whine-pout" sequence in princess.exe.
Give her a break, people; she is an expert in "personal accountability," not "personal accounting."
Apparently it wasn't her rent payment but her waxing bill. It was just hard to hide that large amount under "Miscellaneous".
Hair libel! By all accounts (well, just the one), she is not spending money in that department.
As an aside…having accounting software work like Half-Life would be pretty cool.
For years her rent was paid by a mysterious Philadelphia lawyer under some arrangement I am sure was completely abvove-board and for which there was no quid-pro-quo expected. When it comes to the rent, apparently she has always depended on the kindness of strangers.
It was the software and the twinkees……yeah that's it
Whoa … you should try living with my computer! The thing keeps ordering cheap pizza and porn.
No shit.
I have an invisible maid who comes over twice a week, messes up my house, and eats all the food in my refigerator.
I'd fire the bitch if I could find her.
And 7,000 votes!
Anal fister troll has returned.
I think maybe she was using Portal, rather than The Sims.
PUT MONEY IN THIS HOLE, MONEY COMES OUT THAT HOLE. Accounting done!
I just hate it when my computer watches me change in the dark and when it tells me, “No, Dave, I can't do that.”
Like its running my life.
and she thought chatroulette was her issues focus group
She obviously forgot to pay for that danged Brazilian.
I don't know what you people are so wonky about – I use the same excuse everytime I fake pay my mortgage the same as the rest of you….
Photo caption "at least I was able to purchase this vibrator"
Wait, isn't this Rebecca Black? I honestly, seriously, cannot tell them apart.
Perfectly understandable; they both have the intellect and maturity of a sixth grader.
ACCOUNTING LIBEL!!!
I'd rather not become a whore.
My God, she's an Escher pol.
And the latest prompt from Turbo Tax the Witless Wirch saw was "Christine, you dirty dirty little whore…"
Christopher Walken FTW!!
Not surprisingly, the FEC never questioned the $4,863 spent on Nair products.
"…her troubles over her fundraising reports are due to “inadvertent errors” in the software that was used by her campaign. "
Ooh, somebody read the stories about the Wisconsin vote whoopsies and decided to try the "the software did it" defense herself.
I'm seeing a dangerous trend here. Christine's computer "messes up" her campaign finances. A Wisconsin computer "finds" 14000 missing votes in Waukesha. Computer-driven drones "accidentally" kill wedding parties in Pakistan. The machines are taking over!
StarTrek warned us about The Borg.
Is it possible that this woman is getting dumber? At an alarming rate?
I don't know … when I get away with not paying something, I feel pretty smart. At least until I get caught. And then I whine, "But how come Dick Cheney gets to do it?"
She must have purchased the computer in Wisconsin. Ones from there come with the Human Error built in.
All a friend can say is "ain't it a shame?"
You guys, that's Sweet Jane, not Christine the Notwitch!
OK, so I'm allowed to say THAT, but I'm not allowed to write my original post because it included a word that is the opposite of the U word used by Dasandman? A word I've seen here a hundred times? Has our Friday night visitor taken over Wonkette?
Jukes, maybe some weird ghost in the machine fallout from the Trig as doormat controversy?
Let me get this straight: "The dog bought my homework." Schweet.
Is this the same as Timothy Geithner blaming TurboTax for not paying his taxes?
Fortunately, these people will never, ever learn to simply shut the fuck up. The Teevee is so lame these days if it weren't for O'D, Trump, Bachmann et. al. I would never get a good laugh.
Now, now. Perhaps this was not intended to be a factual statement.
Munniez ignernt Excel Spreadsheet is munniez ignernt.
Jack: "Ms DOS" – very, very funny!
If she blames this "error" on software, Ole Newt must have a server farm working for him.
There would be quite a media buzz.
Why not? My new state rep qualified by having his pull-ups age spawn squeal on the radio at people to vote for their not-too-bright daddy.
Would that make you a dress-up barb bee?
Rawr! Belushi woulda been proud…
I don't know. You look like one of those Mexican bees. We're going to need to see your long form B-irth certificate.
"I dressed up as a bee once."
Cute!
You and the Antonio Banderas bee on the commercial should hook up!
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