IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  9:29 am April 22, 2011

Communist Requests Recount In Wisconsin Supreme Court Election

by Riley Waggaman

Communists LOVE hanging chads. (Because most people named Chad are freedom-loving capitalists.)

  • Enemy of the Koch “JoAnne Kloppenburg” was thoroughly defeated by old-timey wingnut David Prosser in the recent Wisconsin Supreme Court election, after some weird lady “found” 14,000 votes on her personal computer. But now this hippie sore loser has requested a recount, probably because Prosser is only ahead by 7,316 votes, which is 0.5 percent of the 1.5 million votes cast statewide. More liberal tricks! First Kloppenburg declared victory without even considering that some lady would find 14,000 votes a day after the election results were announced. And now this, a recount? Nobody knows how long this process will take, or how many union thugs Scott Walker will have to fire in retaliation. [Reuters]
  • A recent New York Times/CBS News poll says that eighty percent of Americans believe “the economy is doing fairly or very bad.” People are so impatient. The money is trickling down. It takes time to trickle, geezus. (Why does America hate Ronald Reagan?) [The Politico]
  • Nobel Peace Prize Champion Barack Obama has authorized the use of death robots in Libya. Half the world is now being bombed by a bunch of sad youngsters sitting behind computer monitors in a top secret trailer in Fort Skoal, Virginia, or whatever. [The Hill]
 
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{ 108 comments }

Barb April 22, 2011 at 9:32 am

Oh, and Happy Earth Day! Let's be kind to mother Earth today by making sure our beer cans get taken to the trash and please, club sandwiches, not seals.

They really should move the date of Earth Day. The only people who care about it are still high from 4/20.

jus_wonderin April 22, 2011 at 9:47 am

So my baby seal reusable shopping bag is a good thing??

Barb April 22, 2011 at 10:09 am

You joined the club?

FlownOver April 22, 2011 at 10:22 am

Save the Peeps!

DahBoner April 22, 2011 at 10:42 am

Yeah, it's Earth Day, but let's not be all arrogant and like "EARTH IS NUMBER #1".

Sure, those aliens from other planets are just here to breed with our Republican women and use thier mind control powers to make us vote for people who no one had ever heard of like Barrack Obama and Sarah Palin.

But people from other planets just want to be treated like people no matter if their skin color is white, brown, black, yellow, invisible, or green.

Aliens should not be forced to carry identifier chips to be scanned by police robots to prove that they are legally allowed to be here on this planet…

fuflans April 22, 2011 at 10:46 am

the google doodle is a nice antidote to most, well, everything.

ThePaganTemple April 22, 2011 at 1:13 pm

I would like to wish you all a Happy Ira Einhorn Day. In his honor I'm fermenting a nice compost in my closet. By the way, in case anybody asks, my girlfriend left me. I have no fucking idea where she went.

MarionNYNY April 22, 2011 at 9:36 am

Why are those brave youngsters sitting in a secret trailer? Surely, they could learn to multitask and bomb Libya while watching the television machine, chatting with "friends", driving, eating freedom fries and having sex.

GhostBuggy April 22, 2011 at 10:33 am

Aren't we bombing enough children/weddings without America's Best-brand teenagers being distracted by hot trailer sex? Imagine the "collateral damage" (calling it that makes it okay) when they're also shooting their own loads.

natoslug April 22, 2011 at 11:11 am

Considering it's the Air Force, they're probably all too busy fantasizing about the rapture and sexytime with Jesus to focus on hot trailer sex while bombing weddings.

GhostBuggy April 22, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Well, one man's hot trailer sex is another man's religious fervor (Actually, they're all the same man).

Monsieur_Grumpe April 22, 2011 at 9:36 am

Trickle or Tinkle?

weejee April 22, 2011 at 9:47 am

It is moar the pisser.

JustPixelz April 22, 2011 at 9:54 am

I'd settle for either at this point. Repubicans still say tax cuts create jobs. Like they did in 2001 under Bush. We got so many new jobs out of that tax cut we had to export some to China and India.

CliveWarren April 22, 2011 at 9:57 am

Ureaganomics…

Monsieur_Grumpe April 22, 2011 at 10:04 am

Ha!

Texan_Bulldog April 22, 2011 at 10:41 am

Aren't those some of the Palin brood?

GOPCrusher April 22, 2011 at 12:58 pm

TRIG!!!!

(Too soon?)

Ruhe April 22, 2011 at 9:38 am

Nobel Peace Prize now utterly devoid of irony-free meaning! That's a dissertation topic right there.

Mark81150 April 22, 2011 at 11:29 pm

Has been since Arafat got one..

ifthethunderdontgetya April 22, 2011 at 9:38 am

Why does America hate Ronald Reagan?

Not to mention his Muslin successor from Kenya, President Barack Obama!
~

CliveWarren April 22, 2011 at 9:39 am

As long as those death robots don't wear boots it isn't a war.

EatsBabyDingos April 22, 2011 at 9:41 am

Alvin Greene would've saved the world by now.

Ruhe April 22, 2011 at 9:48 am

Don't discount the possibility that the Zen Master/Jedi/Buddha did save the world from a fate much worse than our current reality. Alvin moves in mysterious ways.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Or at least written a kick-ass R&B song about it.

horsedreamer_1 April 22, 2011 at 9:43 am

Enemy of the Koch “JoAnne Kloppenburg” was thoroughly defeated by old-timey wingnut David Prosser in the recent Wisconsin Supreme Court election…

This is actually fairly close to what Prosser said about his "re-elect". "But now that all 72 counties have completed their canvasses, the result of the election is not in doubt", said the returning Supreme.

JustPixelz April 22, 2011 at 9:44 am

The 80% probably just finished filling their SUV's gas tank and have a sad. Of course Repubican shoe-in Donald Trump will lower prices using his "Think" system*. We just out-think OPEC and the prices will go down. Why did't we think of that before? Oh yeah, the "think" part.
___________________
cf. Professor Harold Hill in The Music Man

horsedreamer_1 April 22, 2011 at 9:53 am

So, you're saying, Trump was really the puppet-master for Backstreet Boys & N'Synch, not Lou Perlman?

GOPCrusher April 22, 2011 at 1:02 pm

I thought Donald's Plan was to just go to Saudi Arabia and tell them that they have to give us their oil.

JustPixelz April 22, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Trumpette said we'd take the Libya oil. I don't recall what he said about Saudia Arabia. But what do you mean "their oil"?

freakishlywrong April 22, 2011 at 9:44 am

Yeah. The "media" is braying about the right track/wrong track numbers saying it's good for John McCain and that the country has a mad for Obamar. Maybe, just maybe, it's because we've had Conservatives screaming about how broke we are, (ignoring the the trillions corporations are sitting on, whilst hiring overseas), and threatening our cherished social programs. But yeah, Friday!

weejee April 22, 2011 at 9:50 am

McWallnutz is in Libya right now being strapped on a Predator that the Skoal Bandit's evil twin is going fly over to Tripoli and drop McCain on Ghadaffy's tent.

freakishlywrong April 22, 2011 at 10:00 am

That visual just gave me a lady boner.

Limeylizzie April 22, 2011 at 10:04 am

I call that a "wide on".

zhubajie April 22, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Our corporate would-be masters are not all that smart.

Mark81150 April 22, 2011 at 11:35 pm

They need only be smarter than folks who use phrases like "corporate would-be masters".

The rest think without the class warfare goggles on.

politics_nerd April 22, 2011 at 9:45 am

hello? some of us are only high from 4/22. Have a little respect.

politics_nerd April 22, 2011 at 9:46 am

Also, moar wonkbot. pretty sure trumpie being #1 in pug field is a terror warning in the making.

hollywooddood April 22, 2011 at 9:47 am

I trickle all the time.

LabRodent April 22, 2011 at 9:48 am

X-Box is training the next generation of Super Soldiers. (A least thats what my son said)

jus_wonderin April 22, 2011 at 9:53 am

I feed that market. Sometimes I have guilt about it. Though, not on paydays.

arihaya April 22, 2011 at 9:49 am

i foresaw lizard people

jus_wonderin April 22, 2011 at 9:58 am

Was that directed by M. Knight Shyamalan?

EdFlintstone April 22, 2011 at 9:50 am

Well inspector Clouseau, err I mean Eric Holder, will get to the bottom of the oil speculation. Expect his report, about finding nothing, in about 3 years.

natoslug April 22, 2011 at 11:22 am

I wish nothing short of painful, prolonged death on anyone fucking with oil. Because I am a small farmer/rancher (yes, pygmy goats and very short sheep, dammit!), I have to occasionally drive my gas-guzzling pickup, and am not amused at the current fluctuation between $4.41 and $4.47 per gallon at my local gas station. I should just throw a big bbq and give up on raising my own food. I'm sure Swanson's and Ore-Ida provide excellent nutrition…

Actually, what I wish more is that there were an affordable and decent electric car available in my area so that I could laugh at everyone else who still has to pay for gas. But that's because I'm evil.

BZ1 April 22, 2011 at 10:03 am

Now Kloppenburg is in for it, there will probably be 10 gazillion more votes found stashed in drawers…

slithytoves April 22, 2011 at 10:04 am

Uh oh. I think I bombed Libya last night when I was playing Halo.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 22, 2011 at 10:10 am

As screwed up as the Wisconsin election was you would that everyone could agree that a recall would be a good idea especially with the track record of the lady who found the missing votes. But still, you read the comments and the wings nutz are pissing and moaning about union thugs, vote stealing Demonrats and what other poop can be flung. Get it over with. Congrats to the winner.

tessiee April 22, 2011 at 12:04 pm

It's like the rest of their hypocritical bullshit. They want the votes counted accurately only when they think they're winning. See also: Franken, Al, Coleman, Norm, Bush v. Gore, etc. etc. etc.

TanzbodenKoenig April 22, 2011 at 10:10 am

Fort Skoal… I've been there, beautiful country – right on the banks of the muddy brown Dipspit River. Good times

738838 April 22, 2011 at 10:11 am

Better than Pfartzheim

jus_wonderin April 22, 2011 at 10:19 am

I say a prayer each night for the poor souls that were gased.

deanbooth April 22, 2011 at 10:14 am

The whole country suffers from Tri ckle Do wn Syn drome.

[Help me Riley! My comments are being "deleted by the administrator." -- maybe I'm not allowed to say that Trig thing.]

Edit: That was it. You're not allowed to say the Trig thing.

EdFlintstone April 22, 2011 at 10:21 am

We'll have to refer to him as Girt now to throw off the trolls.

CalamityJames April 22, 2011 at 10:30 am

Girt is an ertrad.

jus_wonderin April 22, 2011 at 11:05 am

We could use Ttrriigg latin.

Mumbletypeg April 22, 2011 at 11:17 am

It works. "He's called Trrrriggger — of course." ♪ ♫

hagajim April 22, 2011 at 10:59 am

I got deleted by the Administrator as well…is Wonkette trying to censor us now?

natoslug April 22, 2011 at 11:26 am

I think it's actually random. I had a completely non-Triggish post yesterday that vanished. I'm not sure if it was the suggestion that we split the country into 3 parts and pave over the middle, that us Westies join B.C. and create a porn/weed-based economy, or that I dangled a participle.

tessiee April 22, 2011 at 12:05 pm

I've been using "leotard" and "leotarded", but other suggestions are welcome.

simplyblue7 April 22, 2011 at 10:16 am

How will DADT affect Death Robots, heeeennnnggghhhh?

CliveWarren April 22, 2011 at 10:29 am

When you're laying in a foxhole taking enemy fire, you shouldn't have to worry about your comrade fiddling his ethernet-cable while he is eying your USB-port lustfully.

BZ1 April 22, 2011 at 10:18 am

Now for something related, do the US Marines not have enough to do in Afghani? This should ensure that the US will be asked to leave the Mideast soon, very, very soon… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynxdBS7HpPk

mereoblivion April 22, 2011 at 10:22 am

“the economy is doing fairly or very bad.” Badly, dumfux. But we're looking forward to the refraud here in Badgerveld: how soon do we get to start hanging Chad, again?

kissawookiee April 22, 2011 at 10:30 am

Better to have Wonkbot tromp through the oily deserts of Libya, dealing death left and right, than melt into a glowing puddle in Fukushima.

V572..whatever April 22, 2011 at 10:38 am

All those brave drone pilots are sitting in trailers at Creech Air Force Base, outside Las Vegas. They're fully trained Air Force pilots, wear pilot's wings and "flight suits," get flight and combat pay, and take crew rest after a hard day of joystick wiggling.

It's funny cuz it's true! And hey, downfist-troll — click on the links if you think it ain't!

rileywaggs April 22, 2011 at 10:58 am

Thank you for this clarification. Well cited, too!

GOPCrusher April 22, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Jesus, two of the worst years of my life were spent at Nellis.

V572..whatever April 22, 2011 at 1:12 pm

You were lucky you weren’t at Creech (used to be Indian Springs Airfield). Austere in the extreme.

zhubajie April 22, 2011 at 8:10 pm

They don't have e-1 enlisted men doing this?

V572..whatever April 22, 2011 at 8:32 pm

You’d think so, wouldn’t you? Any video-game-trained kid can “put the thing on the thing,” as they say. The flying services hate hate hate drones  and resisted them with every fiber of their corporate being until the company that makes them, General Atomics, lobbied Congress so long and hard that the services were finally told “You’re getting ‘em whether you like it or not.” So the Air Force has chosen to treat them as if they were “real” airplanes requiring “real” pilots as a form of passive resistance. The Army, which has no such existential problems, enthusiastically uses all sorts of drones from the largest to the smallest.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 12:36 pm

"Any video-game-trained kid can “put the thing on the thing,” as they say."

THEY say that, too? I've actually caught myself saying out loud, "The thing with the things".

comptoneffect April 22, 2011 at 10:44 am

Half the world is now being bombed by a bunch of sad youngsters sitting behind computer monitors in a top secret trailer in Fort Skoal, Virginia, or whatever.

Blowing up shit 4realz does not make youngsters sad. It’s more like, “I just bagged another one, pass me a Jolt.” I could get both you and me in a lot of trouble by saying this, but you need to hang out with teenage boys more often.

KeepFnThatChicken April 22, 2011 at 10:49 am

Sure, send the election to a 5-4 conservative majority Supreme Court, already. Hey, I'm not in Wisconsin, but I have like twelve thousand extra votes on my computer, too.

natoslug April 22, 2011 at 11:27 am

I'll donate my p-points if that'll help Kloppenburg. Does she need p?

edywin2 April 22, 2011 at 10:53 am

So do they get medals from these bombing raids, or Best Buy gift cards?

Tundra Grifter April 22, 2011 at 10:56 am

Probably a tough place to take a nap.

jus_wonderin April 22, 2011 at 11:07 am

True, but we can be sure they don't have napping Air Traffic Controllers.

hagajim April 22, 2011 at 10:58 am

Does Kloppenberg need to take some Kochenberg?

hagajim April 22, 2011 at 11:01 am

We are all being tri ckled on by the Koch….

DaRooster April 22, 2011 at 11:02 am

"…poll says that eighty percent of Americans believe “the economy is doing fairly or very bad.”

So what would the third choice be? Does this mean that 20% of Americans are deaf, dumb and blind… (do they play a mean pinball)
Also too- Happy Earfday… what's left of it…

Mumbletypeg April 22, 2011 at 11:10 am

This, plus Riley's alt-text, just won my morning.

donner_froh April 22, 2011 at 11:11 am

Why does America hate Ronald Reagan?

Because he was a lying psychopath, a smug, easily manipulated charlatan and a senile figurehead who couldn't tell fantasy from reality?

I know, it was a rhetorical question but sometime I can't resist.

tessiee April 22, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Don't forget: Because he disassembled the safety net, because he was instrumental in the rolling back of the New Deal that's still going on today, because he presided over the greatest transfer of wealth to the top 1% that's still going on today, because he started the union-busting that's still going on today, because without a Reagan presidency, we probably wouldn't have had either Bush presidency, because he was an empty-headed puppet who was stuck for an answer to "good morning" unless his harpy wife was telling him what to think, do, and say…

But yours are good, too.

ChessieNefercat April 22, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Good, if depressing, summation.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Thanks, smiling ruler of ancient Egypt.

And while I'm on the subject, can I point out how consistently annoying I found his 1947 Readers' Digest worldview, as if the entire decades of the 50s, 60s, and 70s had never happened? It really bugs.

natl_indecency_cmdr April 22, 2011 at 11:14 am

http://www.kloppenburgforjustice.com/ to help w/ the legal costs, if'n you wanna.

ttommyunger April 22, 2011 at 11:40 am

"It's not who casts the votes that matters; it is who counts them" Joseph Stalin.

ThePaganTemple April 22, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Surely to God some of you Union thugs can find eight thousand votes somebody forgot to cast. Everybody check your car trunks.

tessiee April 23, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Hey, here's some…
Oh, crap, it's just a bunch of old Costco receipts.

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum April 22, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Looks like that guy in the pic finally got to see Obama's circumcision certificate.

Negropolis April 22, 2011 at 9:29 pm

I love that Kloppenburg is pushing this on. Obviously, there's not way she's going to make up that vote deficit, but it keeps this in the news for a few more weeks at least, and that's really all that matters. Time we started playing offense more often. Make those sneaky bitches earn and own every single vote they stole, the bastards.

Barb April 22, 2011 at 9:41 am

It's Good Friday.

jus_wonderin April 22, 2011 at 9:56 am

TGIGF?

GodShammgod April 22, 2011 at 9:46 am

Yesterday was Good Thursday, today is Good Friday, tomorrow is Good Saturday, and Good Sunday comes afterwards.

weejee April 22, 2011 at 9:46 am

And folks in the Philippines get hung-up over that.

JustPixelz April 22, 2011 at 9:50 am

Above average in fact. Wasn't TGIF for Jesus, back in the day though. I wonder if he'd be pissed that people call it "Good" Friday. I expect he'd be more like "worst friday ever".

YasserArraFeck April 22, 2011 at 9:47 am

You nailed it

LabRodent April 22, 2011 at 9:53 am

Boooyaah!

DashboardBuddha April 22, 2011 at 10:02 am

P.O.E.T.S.

Piss on everything…tomorrow's Saturday.

CapeClod April 22, 2011 at 10:02 am

If I hang out with some friends, does that count as honoring Good Friday?

tessiee April 22, 2011 at 11:55 am

"I wonder if he'd be pissed that people call it "Good" Friday."

I remember when I was in Sunday school, and somebody in my class asked why they didn't call it "Bad Friday".

ArmoredBore April 22, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Jesus died had a really bad weekend for our sins.

DashboardBuddha April 22, 2011 at 10:02 am

And a good day to you, Sir!

OneDollarJuana April 22, 2011 at 10:13 am

Good Grief!

horsedreamer_1 April 22, 2011 at 10:13 am

The spirit of Reagan is strong in you.

Lascauxcaveman April 22, 2011 at 10:22 am

Only if you don't wake up until Sunday morning, feeling like you got crucified. (That would be a good Friday night.)

tessiee April 22, 2011 at 11:52 am

Good golly, Miss Molly!

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