HO'S AND MONEY  8:05 pm April 21, 2011

Sexy John Ensign Resigns!

by Ken Layne

And ladies, he's a *veterinarian* ...Corrupt horndog John Ensign is quitting on May 3 as Nevada’s “other senator,” because the Ethics Investigation against him is about to pull out some really slimy dealings. Good-bye, John! You were a terrible senator and you continue to be a terrible man. But why May 3? There’s got to be either a financial reason for this, or it’s when one of his affair gals is freed up for one of those Sandals all-inclusive island vacations. So much sexytime! Try to stop him now, Harry Reid!

Ensign said in his statement released tonight: “For my family and me, this continued personal cost is simply too great.” And by family, he means, “Any broad I feel like banging and then putting her husband on the government payroll to shut him up.” Because that’s what he did:

Ensign has admitted to having an affair with Cindy Hampton, a campaign aide and the wife of Ensign’s former chief of staff, Doug Hampton. Investigators are looking into efforts by Ensign to assist the Hampton family by providing a nearly $100,000 payment to them, arranging lobbying work for Doug Hampton, and possibly meeting with Doug Hampton on a lobbying matter in violation of Senate rules.

Life is good for the rich!

[CNN]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 177 comments }

WinterOuthouse April 21, 2011 at 8:08 pm

About time that horny bastard got the boot

DownFist Troll April 21, 2011 at 8:08 pm

Haw-Haw!

WinterOuthouse April 21, 2011 at 8:09 pm

Republican = Horny Hypocrite fuckin' anything with an available hole.

ttommyunger April 21, 2011 at 10:55 pm

Horny is one thing. Terminally stupid is a whores of a different color.

horsedreamer_1 April 22, 2011 at 8:48 am

Might want to get that checked out by a urologist.

ttommyunger April 22, 2011 at 10:08 am

Or two.

glamourdammerung April 21, 2011 at 8:09 pm

He wants to be able to spend more time with other people's families.

gullywompr April 21, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Damn it, ya beat me to it.

HistoriCat April 21, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Spending time with other people's families is a solid Republican value – whether in mom's vagina before childbirth or forcing grandma to move in because she can't afford to live on her own, Republicans want your family to have their values.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 21, 2011 at 8:09 pm

I hear he is being replaced with a dildo. Both in the senate and at home.

AJW@[redacted] April 21, 2011 at 8:31 pm

It's true. The dildo's name will be Dean Heller.

Lascauxcaveman April 21, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Not sorry to seen Ensign go. Typical vile, corrupt, entitled rich white guy. Fuck him.

But that hair! Damn, that is sure one senatorial head of hair; of which the citizens of Nevada can justly be proud. Can't they just let his hair stay in his position, until the end of his term?

emmelemm April 21, 2011 at 10:37 pm

I made the same comment somewhere up in here. :) Dude has quality, Senatorial hair. Aaaaand… that's about it.

ZombieForceD April 21, 2011 at 10:52 pm

Unfortunately, John Ensign's hair is already under scrutiny for hiking on the Appalachian Trail with Burt Reynold's toupee.

Lascauxcaveman April 21, 2011 at 11:14 pm

Damn. Hair that perfect, you knew there had to be some gay thing going on. Wonder if the Senator ever found out what was going on behind his back?

Arken April 22, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Between Blagojevich and Ensign, I think that it's obvious that men with such elegantly coiffed pompadours are not to be trusted.

pinkocommi April 21, 2011 at 8:10 pm

I take it this story is a news because it is a Republican sex scandal that does not involve meth-addicted gay prostitutes, underage gay interns, or a wide-stance.

finallyhappy April 21, 2011 at 8:13 pm

It's because a Rep is resigning over something not involving one of those things- although it took long enough –
so maybe there is a boy/man involved.

mormos April 21, 2011 at 8:13 pm

doesn't involve meth-addicted gay prostitutes, underage gay interns, or a wide-stance SO FAR!

BarackMyWorld April 21, 2011 at 8:12 pm

I'm really hoping someone on Fox News rushes to this guy's defense but I don't think any one is going to.

Who am I kidding….they'll probably just put a "D" after his name and condemn him even harder.

mormos April 21, 2011 at 8:22 pm

that's the thing about repubs, they eat their own.

emmelemm April 21, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Good riddance to bad rubbish? Yep yep.

bumfug April 21, 2011 at 8:13 pm

Don't let the door hit ya in the ass, ya Ted Baxter-lookin' bowl of fuck.

LowProfileinGA April 21, 2011 at 8:27 pm

Unfair to Ted.

gullywompr April 21, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Ted Libel!

bumfug April 21, 2011 at 10:23 pm

Jesus, Ted Baxter is a fictional character – like a Compassionate Conservative.

PuckStopsHere April 22, 2011 at 12:25 am

Outstanding!

GunToting[Redacted] April 22, 2011 at 9:52 am

He looks like the unholy love-child of Ted Baxter and Sam Malone.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 21, 2011 at 8:13 pm
Dudleydidwrong April 21, 2011 at 10:04 pm

Shit! I watched that whole bit of film and no one–no one–ran up and hit her in the face with a cream pie. Oh, the humanity. Oh, the waste of a good opportunity.

horsedreamer_1 April 22, 2011 at 8:50 am

If Sandoval could appoint the replacement, I'm sure he would put Obtuse Angle or Chickens for Treatment Lowden in there.

not that Dewey April 21, 2011 at 8:13 pm

John Resign? Is that how you pronounce it?

weejee April 21, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Just like Lou Sarah. Oh shit I mentioned Bible Spice, the Palinestias will be descending like the biblical locusts they are.

tessiee April 21, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Anti-Semite!

not that Dewey April 21, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Wait until the Lebanese find out. He'll be a homophobe, too.

Fukui_sanYesOta April 21, 2011 at 9:01 pm

It's like saying Candyman into a mirror, except in this case what appears is not a bloodthirsty murderer but instead a plague of dead-eyed illiterates and a free copy of "Going Rogue"

not that Dewey April 21, 2011 at 10:08 pm

I don't think they know about the "Lou Sarah" moniker. We can probably use that with impunity.

That being said, YOU NEVER GO FULL BIBLE-SPICE

emmelemm April 21, 2011 at 10:36 pm

It's like sekrit code!!

Texan_Bulldog April 21, 2011 at 8:15 pm

$100,000?! Heck, he's got good hair & all his teeth; maybe I should give him my phone number. (Okay, not really…that might be the liquor talking.)

lefty74 April 21, 2011 at 8:15 pm

After more than a year? Something changed?
No, he's just a crooked lying piece of shit!

BZ1 April 21, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Didn't his mom bail him out with a payoff?

nounverb911 April 21, 2011 at 8:16 pm

"But why May 3? "
His new job as a casino greeter doesn't start until the 4th.

Fukui_sanYesOta April 21, 2011 at 8:26 pm

"Welcome to Trump Atlantic City. I love you."

DownFist Troll April 21, 2011 at 8:18 pm

And Say Hello to the newest-totally-not-racist Senatron, Sharon Angle!!

Callyson April 21, 2011 at 8:19 pm

So hard to keep track of these Republican sex scandals…Ensign's was so tame his does not even make this list: http://www.dkosopedia.com/wiki/Examples_of_Republ

bflrtsplk April 21, 2011 at 10:40 pm

That's a pretty long list.

nounverb911 April 21, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Which overly qualified person will be appointed to take his place?

tessiee April 21, 2011 at 8:58 pm

That leotard from Wisconsin with all the DUIs that just quit his 80K do-nothing job?

LetUsBray April 21, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Hitler?

Oh, wait, this isn't one of those rhetorical questions, is it?

JoshuaNorton April 21, 2011 at 8:23 pm

It's like he was an artist and asshat was his medium.

emmelemm April 21, 2011 at 8:36 pm

That's so good, I might have to steal it.

angryclownspawn April 21, 2011 at 8:46 pm

I am totally stealing it!

tessiee April 21, 2011 at 8:55 pm

"It's like he was an artist and asshat was his medium. "

*sniff*
That's beautiful.
*wipes away a tear*

Radio_Level_7 April 21, 2011 at 9:52 pm

No one ever called Pablo Picasso an asshat!

Lascauxcaveman April 21, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Oh yes they did. Just under their breath, in Spanish, French, Italian and other languages of the continent. Dude did not treat his ladies very well, a lot of the time.

Radio_Level_7 April 21, 2011 at 10:39 pm

Oh caveman, thanks for the piece of humble pie. I actually thought, erroneously, my comment was funny. Tough crowd this Wonkette Comedy Club.
Que sera, fucking sera.

Mumbletypeg April 21, 2011 at 11:16 pm

FWIW I think that song is hilarious.

AngryGeometer April 21, 2011 at 11:47 pm

Not in New York. Not like you.

Guppy06 April 22, 2011 at 12:32 am

I thought that was kind of expected of continental artists. Besides, nothing fuels "I can change him!" fantasies like the tortured artist.

KeepFnThatChicken April 21, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Still waiting on word from the Vitter camp.

*AHEM*

VITTER, ARE YOU LISTENING?!

nounverb911 April 21, 2011 at 8:43 pm

Sorry, he's out having his diaper changed.

weejee April 21, 2011 at 8:44 pm

Yeah, we can trash Vitter now that Huggies have pulled their ads. Let's lay it on.

Did you hear the one about Vitter, the alligator, the Slip 'n Slide™, and 25 gallons of BP crude Wesson oil?

tessiee April 21, 2011 at 8:55 pm

There are some things even an alligator won't eat.

Negropolis April 22, 2011 at 1:51 am

Oh boy, can we start a campaign that'd send hundreds of huggies to Vitter's DC office?

horsedreamer_1 April 22, 2011 at 8:52 am

It would be like Abbie Hoffman making it rain at NYSE.

Except with a point.

Lascauxcaveman April 21, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Campaign slogan: "A diaper shitter but he's no quitter!"

Blendergoathead April 21, 2011 at 8:27 pm

Does this count as the most expensive night(s) with a whore on record? Senatorial career, and $100k to boot?

Mahousu April 21, 2011 at 9:30 pm

I'm sure he'll be pulling in significantly more as a lobbyist than a senator, and that $100K wasn't his. So he actually ended up getting quite a bargain.

Guppy06 April 21, 2011 at 8:27 pm

So much for my job-hunting scheme that involved getting a wife with loose morals and low standards.

angryclownspawn April 21, 2011 at 8:47 pm

And also for my plans for putting my husband back to work.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 21, 2011 at 8:29 pm

I am shocked at this decision, especially after his parents wrote the following letter to all of his constituents:

Dear People of Nevada,

Please forgive our son diddling his office staff. He was worried he was gay, and had to prove to himself he wasn't. It won't happen again.

Signed,

Ensign's Mother.

widget2011 April 21, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Man that bitch was expensive.

NYNYNY April 21, 2011 at 8:31 pm

I always liked this story, as far as straight-sex stories go. I sort of like how it was his parents writing the checks, and one of the checks was made out to one of the Hampton's kids, if I remember. Like, let's get everyone involved, in a really half-hearted attempt at being sneaky.

DustBowlBlues April 21, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Is there something just inherently creepy and weird about this family, or is it just me?

Negropolis April 22, 2011 at 2:00 am

Both of the families involved are creepy as hell. Like was said, the Hamptons even had their kids involved in this.

JustPixelz April 21, 2011 at 8:38 pm

He'll be running for president in a few years because those who learn from Gingrich's history are doomed to repeat it.

Warpde April 21, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Hey, I'm looking for a job.
Is it too late to let him fuck my wife?

emmelemm April 21, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Indecent Proposal FTW.

Ensign is a poor substitute for Robert Redford, but at least he has quality, Senatorial hair.

PuckStopsHere April 22, 2011 at 12:34 am

Nobody's going to pay $1,000,000 to bang Mrs. Puck once , but how about $20 50,000 times? (Totally stole this joke and am using it here w/out permission–much less my wife's approval.)

jus_wonderin April 22, 2011 at 9:25 am

LOL. That's all I got……

unclejeems April 21, 2011 at 8:41 pm

Um, is the governor of Nevada Republican? Is Sharron Angle the new junior senator from Nevada?

AJW@[redacted] April 21, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Yeah, we have an anti-tax 'pub governor. He's prolly going to appoint Dean Heller, who is a congressman who was also running for Ensign's seat. Sharrrrron was already running to fill Heller's seat. After Heller vacates, there will be a special election, prolly no primary, just a free-for-all. Believe it or not, Sharrrrron isn't all that popular here, but that seat has never gone to a Democrat, either. Gonna be interesting.

Negropolis April 22, 2011 at 2:02 am

No, even Republican MexiGuv isn't that crazy.

horsedreamer_1 April 22, 2011 at 8:54 am

Don't worry: we didn't think he was loco.

Only membranically insane.

arihaya April 21, 2011 at 8:43 pm

he isn't resigning … Senate GOPs expelled him because his affair is so damn boring..

no wide stance, no transvestite on Craiglist, no horse picture mail etc .. oh pleasee

Doktor Zoom April 21, 2011 at 8:43 pm

"Senator John Ensign" anagrams to "Neatens John's Groin." Or "Enjoins thong snare," though I really don't want to think of that.

Lucidamente1 April 21, 2011 at 8:44 pm

Well, May 3 is Levi Johnston's birthday.

Barb April 21, 2011 at 10:00 pm

I am fascinated to know how you know this.

Lucidamente1 April 21, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Sorry to disappoint–it's the wikipedia, not me.

Barb April 21, 2011 at 11:14 pm

I'm still impressed. My only superpower is I never forget birth dates.

jus_wonderin April 22, 2011 at 9:27 am

I forgot my ex wife's birthday once confusing it with my mothers.

Freud has since requested I visit for an hour.

Warpde April 21, 2011 at 8:57 pm

OT Has anyone seen this one. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/21/911-resp
There are no words.

[redacted]hse April 21, 2011 at 9:17 pm

I can't look because I swore off HuffPo the instant I read about the sale to AOL. I saw it coming, though; I knew something was in the air about a year ago when the heavy censoring began and I got banned (Moi? lol).

yyyaz April 21, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Oh there are plenty of words: chickenshit-licking Koch whores comes to mind. Give me five minutes of mano a mano with Rep. Cliff Stearns, though, and there would be no words needed.

mrblifil April 21, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Anybody getting anything for "free"=terrist

DystopiaLite April 21, 2011 at 10:09 pm

holy sheeet! talk about adding insult to injury

Dudleydidwrong April 21, 2011 at 10:13 pm

“This is absurd,” said Glen Kline, a former NYPD emergency services officer. “It’s silly. It’s stupid. It’s asinine.” That about sums up the whole GOP. But sticking it to first responders takes it to the "bat-shit insane" level. Rep. Cliff Stearns (R-FL) should be provided with cement boots and made into an artificial reef.

DystopiaLite April 21, 2011 at 10:41 pm

not only Stearns — Rethug from NY, Peter King voted against it & he had people in is own district die on 9/11…and how many millions is he wasting on his Islamic witch hunt hearings??????

BeWoot April 22, 2011 at 1:24 am

These douchebags are are a special kind of dim and will probably be surprised when this kinda shit comes back to haunt them in 2012.

glamourdammerung April 22, 2011 at 7:47 am

Considering how much of their moral and intellectual bankruptcy has never come back on them yet, I am not going to hold any proverbial breath there.

ThundercatHo April 22, 2011 at 7:45 am

How about a special episode of "Rescue Me" where Tommy (Denis Leary's character) beats the living shit out of this guy and then they run over him with a fire truck.

Steverino247 April 22, 2011 at 10:09 am

I'd say Florida just stopped being a vacation spot for 9/11 responders and anybody else who cares.

CountryClubJihadi April 21, 2011 at 9:04 pm

He needs a day to rest up before Juanita's Donkey Show in Tijuana on Cinco De Mayo.

DahBoner April 21, 2011 at 9:08 pm

# WINNING

[redacted]hse April 21, 2011 at 9:08 pm

"Johnnie, We Hardly..", oh, never mind. Eat shit, Ensign, you fucking REPUBLICAN!!
heh.

gullywompr April 21, 2011 at 9:15 pm

You people are sick! HOW DARE YOU attack a ….

Oh wait, wrong person with "special needs". Apologies. Carry on.

waitforsugar April 21, 2011 at 9:20 pm

With apologies to Bruce McCulloch: I look at Mr. Douchebaggery and it's like, "Who would fuck you?"

Beetagger April 21, 2011 at 9:27 pm

His hair still has gravitas, no matter what his pecker does.

donner_froh April 21, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Finally there is someone so fucked that living in the C Street House can't fix him up.

DustBowlBlues April 21, 2011 at 11:05 pm

I still want to know what was going on at the C Street Boys Club between him and Spooky Doktor Tom that caused Coburn to claim patient/doctor confidentiality. Esp. since Doktor Tom is an ob/gyn.

Maybe the Ethics panel was demanding the results of Ensign's pap smear?

fuflans April 21, 2011 at 9:34 pm

shit happens.

AJW@[redacted] April 21, 2011 at 9:36 pm

That was our former (R)governor Gibbons.

mrblifil April 21, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Just another slow news Frid—-WHAT THE FUCK?? Eat shit, Ensign. Eat shit on toast. And here's something to wash it down with…

glamourdammerung April 21, 2011 at 9:46 pm

This is good news for Senator Coburn.

Actually, it probably is not.

trampndirtdown April 21, 2011 at 10:39 pm

It's a sad thing but spooky Dr. Tom is quickly becoming one of the sane senators.

DustBowlBlues April 21, 2011 at 11:07 pm

Nah.

Schmannnity April 21, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Maybe his parents are paying for an early retirement.

Chillwaver April 21, 2011 at 9:59 pm

I'm sure he'll make one hell of a Lobbyist.

DustBowlBlues April 21, 2011 at 11:08 pm

He's oily and creepy enough to be one. One of those Repubiitqards who's one more button unbuttoned and a thick chain necklace short of classis lounge lizard.

Sassomatic April 21, 2011 at 10:12 pm

This proves Obama is morally weak.

Hatrabbit April 21, 2011 at 10:17 pm

If you substitute the word 'Herpes' every time he says 'Family' over the next few weeks, this will all be much more fun.

Not_So_Much April 21, 2011 at 10:25 pm

What a total douchenozzle.

Poor Doug Hampton, loyal Girl Friday that he is, supports this fuckstick who then bangs his wife. Pays Doug and wife nearly a $100k of daddy's $ to keep quiet. Not enough, so he lines broken, humiliated Doug up with a gig or two. Doug's had enough and leaks the story. The guy who ruined his life (wife?) strolls off into the sunset, still rich, and Dougie is possibly up for indictment. Bad run of luck Doug….

Negropolis April 21, 2011 at 10:27 pm

Sexy? That's a very flattering picture of him. I'm surprised by how old the guys looks on television for being 53, to be honest.

El Pinche April 22, 2011 at 2:19 am

Yeah, I'd hit it ….with a pineapple dildo up his C-street.

metamarcisf April 21, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Something stinks in here. What's his Angle?

DustBowlBlues April 21, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Shall we all just run up the white flag and petition Ken to change the name of the wonket to wonkettepuns.com?

trampndirtdown April 21, 2011 at 10:38 pm

“For my family and me, this continued personal cost is simply too great.” So Mumsy and Dada quit paying the hush monies huh John?

Sharkey April 21, 2011 at 10:43 pm

What's he gonna do, NOT bang the hot broad? Or something?

Negropolis April 22, 2011 at 2:09 am

Yeah, I mean, really, what do you guys expect for this man to do? Everybody bangs their help.

Slim_Pickins April 21, 2011 at 10:46 pm

Another "family-values" Republican bites the dust, or was he a RINO all along. Now does Governor Sandoval (the Cuban trumpet player? sounds Hispanic to me) appoint himself or flip a coin between Gibbons and Angle?

Negropolis April 22, 2011 at 2:10 am

A Gibbons is a type of monkey, right?

Slim_Pickins April 22, 2011 at 2:53 pm

How dare you call the former Nevada governor a monkey. He's white, after all.

Negropolis April 22, 2011 at 9:12 pm

I love that Gibbons was brought up. He's another Nevada Republican dick that can't keep his dick in his pants.

metamarcisf April 21, 2011 at 10:48 pm

I never post links but this is our chance as fair-minded citizens to support Trig Palin against all those hard-hearted cretins who think the developmentally disabled are fair game for the left wing neo-communist pot smoking minority.
http://www.breitbart.tv/crowder-hitting-back-at-b

carlgt1 April 22, 2011 at 12:43 am

HAHA yeah Breitbart, that fat ass is always helping the disabled and the poor oppressed masses!

El Pinche April 22, 2011 at 2:25 am

Brietheart, Defender of the Severely and Irreversibly Disabled, FREEEEEEEDOMM!!

What a fucking an alcoholic raging douchebag.

DashboardBuddha April 22, 2011 at 9:08 am

As tempting as it is to post something like, "Oh poor trig. That poor sweet gentle child. I can't stand the way his mother pimps him out like he was some kind of key to success. Many people with Down's Syndrome do live happy and productive lives, but it's still a disability…a disability compounded by a fame grabbing quitter mother. It just makes you cry. Happy birthday, Trig. You're a special little boy. We all love you. I'm praying your mother doesn't make your life too miserable."

…but I don't want any more Briefarts "following me".

zappadoo76 April 21, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Old Doug Hampton, Cindy's whoremaster hubby, made some pretty good pimping money on this deal. Congrats, Doug! With the help of Mrs. Doug, you have created your own moral character. When I look at your pic, I think of Sartre's remark that a man over 40 is responsible for his face.

ttommyunger April 21, 2011 at 10:56 pm

This big dumb cunt looks like every State Farm Agent I ever saw on a fucking billboard.

Fukui_sanYesOta April 21, 2011 at 11:24 pm

"Like a good neighbor, State Farm does your wife!"

ttommyunger April 22, 2011 at 10:05 am

Your woman's tits are in good hands with…no wait, that's Allstate!

DerrickWildcat April 21, 2011 at 11:25 pm

His family better be doing some big time apologizing!

AngryGeometer April 21, 2011 at 11:45 pm

He may be only be an Ensign in name, but he will always be the Rear Admiral of my heart. He's the bigamest!

mereoblivion April 22, 2011 at 8:33 am

"Yeah, well, it's awfully big o' ME, too!"
(Doesn't really work here, but almost . . . )

GregComlish April 21, 2011 at 11:55 pm

Who is John Ensign?

Negropolis April 22, 2011 at 2:12 am

This is Wonkette, not Jeopardy.

Ms_E_Abernathy April 22, 2011 at 12:06 am

The bbc.com headline on this: "US Sex Pay Probe Senator Resigns." His honorary title from now on should be (former) Senator Sex Pay Probe.

smokefilledroommate April 22, 2011 at 12:13 am

Ensign's vacation in the Hamptons is finally over.

Negropolis April 22, 2011 at 2:13 am

I have a feeling he had a lay-over on Fire Island, too.

fuflans April 22, 2011 at 12:14 am

who thinks it's a good idea to put a veterinarian in congress? i mean i love my vet, but still, i wouldn't vote for her.

emmelemm April 22, 2011 at 12:42 am

I love my vet and I'd gladly vote for him.

DashboardBuddha April 22, 2011 at 9:01 am

Well, Ensign seems to be good at handling pussies. (sorry)

imissopus April 22, 2011 at 12:57 am

Duh, he's obviously waiting until May 3 so he can keep his health coverage for the rest of the month.

finallyhappy April 22, 2011 at 9:20 am

While I doubt the rules are the same for POS senators(as they don't have to work 35 years+ for a pension), in the old civil service system(of which I am a member), the 3rd of the month is the last day to retire and get paid beginning the first of the next month- while also getting the max(3 days) of pay for the current month.

SorosBot April 22, 2011 at 1:07 am

Hey, since it's the night before a three-day weekend I'm impressed that …In many of you are not-drunk enough to make sense. I'm just drunk enough to start rambling; like about Power Rangers. The best theme song was for Jungle Fury; while the best show is probably the post-apocalyptic RPM, with ..In Space and Time Force getting honorable mention.

slowhansolo April 22, 2011 at 1:11 am

You know, most cuckolds do not get the kind of revenge that involves expulsion from the U.S. Senate.

Most of us only get to administer a thorough ass kicking. And then get charged with assault, because we failed to properly induce the requisite attack, and got tired of looking at that smug fucking face while trying, until we just pushed it in.

smashaduck April 22, 2011 at 8:31 am

It's lose lose. The assault rap just amplified that smug grin. But it did feel good for a minute or two.

fuflans April 22, 2011 at 1:26 am

i just keep cursoring over the google earth day doodle.

over and over and over.

smokefilledroommate April 22, 2011 at 3:37 am

It's nice but where are the rodents?

obfuscator2 April 22, 2011 at 1:29 am

now boehner has to create one more job.

Negropolis April 22, 2011 at 1:41 am

This is why we need more upper-income tax breaks, y'all. Pimpin' aint' easy; how else are politicians to fund their sexy-time dalliances and subsequent pay-offs? What are you guys? A bunch of fucking commies? It's time to cut taxes, again…for freedom!

El Pinche April 22, 2011 at 2:33 am

Why don't Leftists see that C-Street pimps create Jobs…every time these Patriots squirt their Baby Miracle Whip into their socialized condoms, an non-Union DC escort gets her Capitalism.

Radio_Level_7 April 22, 2011 at 4:23 am

It's just good to see they are using condoms.
(And, that milquetoast comment made it past the administrator.)
After Jack getting flamed by Britefart and Olbermann– but isn't any publicity, good publicity? — he can be a new media darling.
Go Jack, we got your back.

weejee April 22, 2011 at 8:05 am

It's just good to see they are using condoms

But with Ensign isn't it likely they would fall off his uh, er, mini me?

jus_wonderin April 22, 2011 at 7:12 am

John. John. John. You would have been able to keep your position if, if, you had only dated Doug.

And, 100K? Wow. My "wife" is available.

widget2011 April 22, 2011 at 7:47 am

Here is a neat "trick for all": Every time elections are held, just listen what your favorite (!?) republican has to say , then insert the opposite of that, and you will see what they actually mean.

Here is an example: We know, for a fact, that there are (NOT) weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

and another: The United States is not (IS) into nation building.

and: I believe in (do not) states rights.

and again: These hippies who use drugs should be put into prison, and then we should throw away the key. (except for me)

The hypocracy is astounding. Here is one it does'nt work on: Al Quada is doing everything they can to harm the United States, and so are we.

RedneckMuslin April 22, 2011 at 8:24 am

Quitter!

horsedreamer_1 April 22, 2011 at 8:57 am
jus_wonderin April 22, 2011 at 9:17 am

Take a minute to tell Sen. Ensign what you think of him.
http://ensign.senate.gov/public/index.cfm?FuseAct

I told him I was glad he was out of the Senate. And more….

MrFizzy April 22, 2011 at 9:24 am

He's the one with the hairy reed.

DashboardBuddha April 22, 2011 at 9:31 am

In America, sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it's a fact.
Marlene Dietrich

horsedreamer_1 April 22, 2011 at 9:32 am

"Well, fuck… me… kitten — you are wild".

– Wm. S. Burroughs

(As heard on the surprisingly awesome soundtrack for The X-Files teevee show.)

hagajim April 22, 2011 at 10:49 am

Little Johnny's only crime was that he slipped his little willie into a woman…what in the hell is the Republican party coming to? Lindsey was furious.

jonzin April 22, 2011 at 12:43 pm

He's leaving to spend more time with his family. And by family, I mean hookers at the Bunny Ranch.

owhatever April 22, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Another turd in the streets of the Shining City on the Hill.

Radio_Level_7 April 21, 2011 at 11:55 pm

It figures I would get reaffirmation from you, my cubist friend. And I doubt after May 8th (tickets secured), I'll call Pablo an asshat.

Doktor Zoom April 22, 2011 at 12:27 am

Nobody puts Pablo in a corner!

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