doctors' notes: the holiest of documents

Scott Walker Now Going After Doctors Who Helped Union Protestors

ON WISCONSIN!

The state Department of Regulation and Licensing and the Medical Examining Board said Wednesday that they had opened investigations into eight individuals who allegedly wrote doctor excuse notes for protesters at the state Capitol during rallies in February.

Last month, the Department of Regulation and Licensing said it had identified 11 people who may have provided the medical excuses, and it asked them to submit information about their activities at the Capitol. […]

The state Department of Regulation and Licensing previously has said disciplinary action could include a reprimand, license limitations, suspension or revocation.

The Department of Regulation and Licensing is run by Scott Walker appointee Dave Ross. Surprise! Hey, wait a minute, that’s the same guy who hates unions!

Doctors better think twice about helping out the proletariat in the future if they want to stay rich and drive their fancy cars. Medicine should never associate itself with socialism. [JSOnline]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • DustBowlBlues

    Sweet. Mother. Of. God.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    This should chop millions from the Wisconsin budget deficit overnight.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      At least, it should allow Walker to sell off public resources to the Kochs.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So this is what it looks like when you are born without scorn.

    • watchemoket

      I think you mean born without shame.

    • V572..whatever

      I'm sure there was scorn. "Shame" is the missing quality.

      • DaRooster

        Conscience? (Same I guess… I just like to spell it since I finally learnt how about 3 years ago… I may not be good, but I'm s l o w .)

  • freakishlywrong

    Is this guy a cartoon or something? Seriously, does a bigger asshole, an intentional asshole live on this planet?

    • aguacatero

      I don't think you could teach that degree of assholism; but neither could it be purely innate. Like Michael Jordan or Ted Williams, he had to be born with extraordinary gifts, but ones that could never have produced such amazing feats without years of focused hard work.

      Or to put it in the terms of Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers book, Walker must have practiced being an asshole for at least 10,000 hours before getting to his current level of mastery.

  • BZ1

    MDs Lou Sanner and James Shropshire are my heroes. Look what the fine Wiskies are saying about them: http://www.jsonline.com/news/statepolitics/120308399.htm...

    • SorosBot

      Why is it that local newspaper comments are almost taken over by the crazies?

      • Guppy06

        Have you looked at your neighbors lately?

        • SorosBot

          Well my neighbors are mostly Vietnamese- or Mexican-American, so I don't think many are wingnuts.

          • Guppy06

            I think we may need a PSA campaign on the indicators that your neighbor may be nucking futs.

          • emmelemm

            You might be surprised.

            (I'm just saying – there are sekrit wingnuts everywhere these days.)

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Why is it that local newspaper comments are almost taken over by the crazies?

        I've pondered this, as I comment often in the slightly-liberal Seattle Times, and fully half the comments are distilled wingnut batshit talking points.

        I'm thinking it's a lot of retired and/or maybe unemployed white men who are all worked up about that colored fella in the white house.

        • MissTaken

          Check out SFgate for the comments of wingnutty San Franciscans. You would think that Nancy Pelosi's seat was in danger of going GOP based on their conservative rants.

          • SorosBot

            Judging by how the commenters for my local paper always love to claim the city sucks, often with ugly racial undertones (like saying there's too many "thugs"), I think they're mostly from the suburbs / exurbs.

      • Ducksworthy

        Because the Kochsuckers pay semi-literate trolls by the post, which makes them feel really special.

    • freakishlywrong

      I'll bet you assholes to limp dicks, those comments are not from our beloved Wiskies.

      • Ducksworthy

        The come cheap in Bangalore. At $0.05 per post a billion goes a long way.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Because, of course, none of the fine upstanding commenters never ever called in sick when they weren't actually sick.

      • Gopherit

        Well, does being hung over after a furious bout with cheetos, cheap whiskey, and internet porn count as being sick?

        • MissTaken

          The cheap whiskey and porn are a-ok, but the cheetos are pretty gross and sick.

  • Sue4466

    So, this is what limited government looks like.

    • DarkStar_88

      Actually we need to limit gov't more so goons like Walker can't do this. Otherwise this tit-for-tat will never end.

    • Serolf_Divad

      You'd have never guessed, based on their respect for Habeas Corpus and the rule of law in general.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      When your only tool is Scott Walker, every problem looks like a reason for government overreach.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Going after doctors is a bad idea… hope Scott has a physical soon. The prostate exam will not be fun.

    • DaRooster

      I think he needs a deep reaching catheter…

    • http://wonkette.com ChurchofRealism

      Woah..hey, using the whole fist, Doc?

      • horsedreamer_1

        "Moooooooooon… River –"

  • DangerHelvetica

    Dave Ross? Isn't he the leader of the Daleks or something?

  • iburl

    Crush the doctors, teachers, and workers! When Scottie is done the only people alive will be republican politicians, day traders, and plutocrats.

  • nounverb911

    No more Viagra for Kochs.

    • Gopherit

      And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
      Slouches towards Madison to be born?

      Wait, that's not the anti-Christ. It's a viagraless Koch.

    • horsedreamer_1

      The man has prostate cancer! Have you no mercy?

  • GeneralLerong

    I guess we just traded places with the Soviets. Nobody won the Cold War.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      It's off to Alaska for you, comrade. Or Arizona. Or Oklahoma. Hell, they're all Hell.

  • James Michael Curley

    Coming this summer to the theaters, Dumb and Dumber, 2; staring Scott Walker and Scott Walker.

    • watchemoket

      or maybe Scott Walker and Donald Trump??

  • metamarcisf

    The Wisconsin Democratic Party is planning to file a complaint to the state Government Accountability Board alleging that a Republican signature-gatherer offered alcoholic beverages to a group of women to get them to sign a recall petition against a Democratic state senator.

    • http://wonkette.com ChurchofRealism

      I'm surprised they were able to pull it off without date-raping them first.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Gerald Boyle would have just gotten them off (on the charges).

  • harry_palmer

    Nice going, Scott. Now you're going to have to have your head pulled out of your ass by a back-alley cranial-rectotomist.

  • CalamityJames

    I smell jobs!!!!!

    Or retards, can't tell which.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Rim jobz?

  • Mumbletypeg

    OT sorta but Good Fridays, when I was but a pip, meant Mom coming to yank me out of school a half day early so she could whisk me & my sister to the Episcopal 2:00 service for time-honored tradition's sake, which we endured sprawled in the pew sketching doodles in spare church bulletin margins. Remarkably no *other* classmates were outside the school for pickup by *their* parents at 1:00, just me, enjoying my free pass. Dunno if we were perceived as some kind of Anglican degenerates in our southern-baptist bluecollar environs, b/c I never heard if it caught any truck from the principal or anyone else — all of which meant I could skip class guilt-free so Mom could honor pious ritual guilt-freed.

    Happy Good Friday's eve everyone — 'good' in more ways than one. Oh and Walker can go screw himself.

    • SorosBot

      You had school on Good Fridays? Huh, here the public schools have a week off, and most offices are closed.

      Edit to add: most offices are closed on Friday, not a full week, of course.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Should've gone to a private school (surely, you had a couple Anglican private schools in your neighborhood?) Then mom would be coming over on Good Friday Morning for mass, followed by The Passion Play, starring you as Roman Soldier or Woman of Jerusalem or somesuch.

      • Mumbletypeg

        Anglican-private? not in that part of SC; we were enrolled public there. Protestant Christian schools would figure in later when we relocated to TN: I was put through Reformed Presbyterian start-up & modest Lutheran middle schools while wait-listed for the primo prep academy in the area, which I arrived at in time to graduate & flee to college. Being 3rd generation Episcopalian if we could have found something more anglican, believe me Mom would have.

    • fuflans

      HA! as an anglican with 'discipline problems' MY mother sent me to a catholic school. and wouldn't let me out of mass.

      apparently theology was less important than nunly order.

  • PabaBritannica

    Just ban the licensing requirement to become a doctor.

    That way, you solve two problems:

    1. You punish these doctors
    2. You allow anyone to be able to claim to be a doctor. Unemployment crisis solved!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Same for engineers. It would really cut the cost of building stuff.

      • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

        Except the lawyers would win when the building collapsed and killed people.

        • whiterabid

          Unless there were no licensing requirements for lawyers either.

    • nounverb911

      Rand Paul approves!

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Rand Paul approves of this comment.

  • SorosBot

    Is anyone surprised that Pol Scott has found yet another way to abuse his power? This guy maxes Nixon look honest.

    • trumpbly_joe

      Also pretty.

    • whiterabid

      And libural.

      • Guppy06

        Even Obama makes Nixon look librul.

    • horsedreamer_1

      I must give kudos on Pol Scott usage.

  • hagajim

    Holy fuck! Who took the rectum spreader to this douche! Someone had to because he's gotta be the biggest asshole in the world!

  • Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

    Hey, they arrested the doctor who treated Lincoln's assassin, right? And these protesters totally assassinated walkers credibility, so…

  • memzilla

    Say, you know who else used his Department of Licensing and Regulation to get rid of people he didn't like… ?

    • metamarcisf

      Carrot Top?

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      Patty and Selma Bouvier?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Lavrenti Beria?

    • Cicada

      Donny Osmond?

      Teeth of tile, fist of steel.

    • nounverb911

      Milo Minderbinder?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I thought he subcontracted that sort of work out to the Germans.

    • tcaalaw

      Richard J. Daley?

  • harry_palmer

    Isn't licensing doctors in the first place just intrusive government regulation? If they're shitty doctors, the market will figure it out and correct the problem.

  • trumpbly_joe

    Petty douchebag is petty. And a douchebag.

    • Phocus

      Nice post…your 'union' aren't ya. You write and talk 'union'.

      • trumpbly_joe

        You're an idiot, aren't you? You write and talk…

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Scott must have been beaten up a lot when he was a kid.

    • DarkStar_88

      Not enough, apparently.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I think he needs to be beaten up a lot more as an adult.

      Been a long time since I punched a Republican governor in the throat.

      • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

        I'll hold the varment down; you do the punching. Deal?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Harassing your political enemies is an awesome use of taxpayer dollars.

    Well, it worked pretty well at the federal level from 2001-2008

  • SkinnyNerd

    Quick, call the Department of Governorship. There's a governor that needs his title revoked!

  • Gopherit

    Is Walker using the law to persecute his enemies? Yes.
    Is what he's doing a misuse of state resources? Well, technically, probably not.
    Is it a completely dick move? You betcha.

    Just remember, Walker, you are dirty as hell. If you think the unions can't find your weak spot, you are an idiot. I will get the popcorn and the egg timer to measure the time to your resignation to spend time with your family.

  • ZombieForceD

    Dave Ross has lost touch with his happy little cloud

  • Guppy06

    If only these doctors were accredited by Rand Paul.

  • mavenmaven

    Why is this a surprise? The absolute ruler is above the law. Carl Schmitt has argued this since the first time around in Germany. Right wing "common sense conservatism" is just the Merkin way of rebranding fascism…
    (now all their thugs will start downfisting me or telling me how Todd Palin will beat me up.)

  • Cat_Damon

    Non-snark disclaimer: Walker's stance towards unions is (as if it needs to be stated) ideologically motivated, short-sighted, self-gratifying, and a really really bad idea.

    That being said… it would seem as if these doctors were doing things that could be seen as unethical to their profession. I'm all for standing up for workers' rights, for sure. and i'm not exactly clear on how the walker administration went about looking for these people. but still, strictly considering the one point about doctors writing fake sick notes … it doesn't seem shady? if i'm wrong or not seeing something, please enlighten me i don't want to come across as an ass who doesn't give a shit. but i'm legitimately confused here.

    also, justin bieber.

    • DarkStar_88

      The assholery on both sides is disgusting. Fake sick notes are a really cheap trick for someone who's supposed to be a healer of bodies, and using one's office to get petty revenge on protesters is low-level tyranny.

    • Guppy06

      Yeah, it's ethically questionable, but I think the other concerns here are bigger:

      Doctors can now be subject to political retaliation for not toeing the government's line. This opens the door to things like revoking a doctor's license for not ignoring AIDS as God's just punishment of the gays.Doctors are now subject to reprisals for medical opinions inconvenient to large employers. "What do you mean he can't work? He still has one good arm!"And because the government here is both regulator and employer, myriad combinations are possible: "All true doctors know that nervous breakdowns are are Bolshevist lie!"

      At any rate, this is an intrusion into the doctor-patient privileged relationship by the Powers that Be, and it is explicitly not in the interests of the patient (medical or otherwise).

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      You're presuming the doctors are guilty. We're still only at the investigation (intimidation) stage.

      • Cat_Damon

        yeah you're right. i realized that but i think i failed to make that distinction above.

  • Callyson

    Oh come on–we're talking about the middle of winter in *Wisconsin* for heaven's sake. No offense to the Badgers among you, but who *doesn't* have a cold in that time and place?

  • HateMachine

    What is the deal with these doctors? Do they think they went into medicine to help people, or something?

  • Tommmcattt

    And with about 1000 times the dignity.

  • arihaya

    you know who else prosecuting medical doctors?

    yeah Joseph Fucking Stalin thats who,,,

  • MinAgain

    A word to the wise, Scott Walker. Don't ever get sick.

    • DarkStar_88

      I'd be sweating if I was him and suddenly having to undergo surgery.

      Reminds me of a old army proverb about not making the cook, the paymaster, or the doctor angry at you…

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh, I dunno. Walker sounds like he would benefit from a thorough probing with a rectal thermometer.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Don't know about that, but it does seem Scooter's got a fever — & the only remedy is more cowbell objectivism.

  • 4tehlulz_lite

    "I'm sorry Gov. Walker. I can't help you because I don't want to be accused of political bias. I'm sure Dr. Mengele down the hall will help you out though."

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You now who else tried to take away doctor's licenses for helping people by writing notes?

    • prommie

      Don't tell me Matt Groening came after you and made you do this redacting?

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Groening's a dude, and a fellow alumni of mine, so hopefully I'm in the clear. Anyway, I would change it to Miguel Sanchez then. However, I'm leaving the redacted until something positive happens in Wisconsin, or I get bored with it.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Cullen Werwie is no Tom Hagen, that's for damn sure.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Doctor, doctor, you've made the news
    I've got a bad case of scapegoating you

  • DaRooster

    I hope it's a replacement doctor that messes up that upcoming Koch chemo.

    (Sorry but seeing so much hate from "that side" must be rubbing off on me)

  • TanzbodenKoenig

    ♫ There he is – the biggest douche in the universe… ♫

  • Extemporanus

    You're next, Epstein's mother!

  • unclejeems

    So, when do you guys get to recall this little turd?

  • Gopherit

    I bet all of those doctors that ran to Texas in the last 5 years to flee socialism will come flooding back north after this.

  • luke_warm

    This article claims that doctors in white lab coats were roaming the protests, handing out sick notes. A story that Fox and Townhall "broke." Here's a potential debunking. http://crooksandliars.com/karoli/wisconsin-protes

    • horsedreamer_1

      It seems the set-up of this shell-operation was less Mac Gyver & more Mac Gruber.

    • Ducksworthy

      Debunking" As with logic and truth. These people need debunking with an ax handle. But I'm glad to see Mike Tobin has recovered from the grievous injuries inflicted on him by the union thugs. Unfortunately, they too failed to use an ax handle.

  • disappointedtoo

    What is wrong my brothers? As a Democrat but not a union worker, I am appalled at some of the comments I am reading. As my posting name suggests, I am disappointed also but perhaps not the same as you. Why? I'm disappointed in my party and my President. I supported BHO because I expected change in America for the better… It hasn't happened. Things are worse now for me and my family. I suspect taxes will go up to pay for the additional spending he urged Congress to pass. Do we need change in America? Yes, but not what I've seen in the last 2 years. And with regard to our Governor, I am absloutely appalled at some of the hateful things written about him. Do I support his policies? Not all of them but remember that elections have consequences… We look like babies for wanting to recall him.

  • Pragmatist2

    To be serious for a moment, if a state official decides that he will take a special look at the behavior of employees because those employees exercised their First Amendment right to protest, he has got himself one hummer of a lawsuit right around the corner. If he wants to set a new policy for ALL employees about doctors' notes, he should go ahead and do that. But if he is only going to poke around on those whose opinions he disagrees with, then, in the immortal words of the unfortunately mortal Warren Zevon "Send lawyers, guns and money!"

  • poncho_pilot

    so when does King Richard return from the crusades?

  • Ducksworthy

    Why am I uncomfortable with the idea of these people governing the country?

  • Ducksworthy

    Is it a coincidence that Cormac MacCarthy is a conservative? Walker's vision of Wisconsin sounds more and more like "The Road".

  • tonyloaf

    I can't believe Walker is going to investigate these doctors for fraud. So what if they filed false statements. So what if they aided people in defrauding their employers. It's like prosecuting Barry Bonds for lying about his steroid use. Who cares. I don't care if my doctor is honest or not, especially when he bills me or tells me I need another expensive procedure.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    So the problem is not only the government, but also the unions, the teachers, the doctors, the…

  • torera

    1) if Wisconsin has a "freedom of conscience" law that allows health care workers, from M.D.'s to pharmacists to not perform abortions,not refer women to abortion providers, and not fill prescriptions for Plan B — then why the hell does writing absence excuses not qualify as exercise of conscience?

    2) if Crooks & Liars is correct and this whole doctor-excuses thing is another right-wing lie ("video at 11!") — then yes Walker is abusing/wasting state resources and it's another count for the impeachment and/or recall indictment.

  • ttommyunger

    I am beginning to suspect that Scotty's weenie is even tinier than Ted Nugent's. Possibly even smaller that Pat Buchanan's….that would make it an "inny".

  • Phocus

    Is there anyone posting on this site with an IQ higher than room temperature?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Phail.