Leading fake presidential candidate Donald Trump, who is best known for his work in television in the role of “Montana Max” on Steven Spielberg’s animated series Tiny Toon Adventures, notified CNN he’s still keeping a team of sexy investigators on the sexy beaches of Hawaii to track down President Obama’s sexy past. “At a certain point in time I’ll be revealing some interesting things,” Trump said. Cool! Was it that the president played a lot of basketball growing up? Probably! That’s pretty interesting! Was it that he took drugs as a young man? We’d bet that’s it. We’re glad Trump is doing the country this tremendous public service. The news media have never looked into finding any details about Obama’s life, and it’s about time we learned a thing or two about his biography.
According to our source close to Trump (a cartoon sack of gold coins with a dollar sign on it), President Obama may in fact be a black man, and his middle name probably starts with the letter “H.” Very interesting things.
Some people may think journalists have been following leads on Obama’s background for years. But that’s just not the case. For example, do we know how old Obama is? No. He’s probably in his mid-eighties, but it’s hard to tell, because the media doesn’t bother to look into these things.
The only way we will ever find out the man’s biographical details is if a group of ornery people in shacks with Internet connections out in the woods raise the questions. And the only one who can provide the answers is a cartoon rich man who can do things like run off a cliff and not fall until he realizes he ran off a cliff. Or comb long strands of back hair forward to give him hair on his head. Silly. [CNN]