Koch Industries Forcing Employees To Vote For Teabaggers

Statler, Waldorf and Scooter.Evil muppet billionaires David and Charles Koch own the Koch Industries megacorporation, and most of the employees of that conglomerate got written instructions from the Koch Bros. listing the candidates and measures to vote for. That’s illegal! Put the Koch Brothers in prison for CRIMES against AMERICAN DEMOCRACY, quick, before they hobble away slowly! Here is what The Nation found out: “On the eve of the November midterm elections, Koch Industries sent an urgent letter to most of its 50,000 employees advising them on whom to vote for and warning them about the dire consequences to their families, their jobs and their country should they choose to vote otherwise.” Wow, so what happened to the Koch Industries’ employees who didn’t vote for the Republican/Tea Party slate? Were their families tortured?

The workers also got an exciting free issue of the Koch Brothers’ political newsletter, “full of alarmist right-wing propaganda.”

But wait, guess what? It’s not illegal anymore, to do this. Thanks to the current right-wing Supreme Court, it’s totally okay to twist your employees’ arms and make them vote for the interests of billionaires:

Legal experts interviewed for this story called the blatant corporate politicking highly unusual, although no longer skirting the edge of legality, thanks to last year’s Citizens United Supreme Court decision, which granted free speech rights to corporations.

Huzzah! You can go about your way, Koch Brothers. After all, you bought that Supreme Court! [The Nation]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


  1. V572..whatever

    Well this seems perfectly reasonable. Thanks again, Nino & Johnny! This whole "democracy" thing was a worthy experiment, but I'm sure we'll all find oligarchy much nicer.

    1. Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

      Oligarchy? You wish. We're heading straight for corporate neo-Feudalism / neo-Manorialism, baby!

    2. Goonemeritus

      The truth is most employees must have been as insulted by this as you are reading it. Right wingers probably less so but independents and liberals were in all probability motivated to vote the opposite. If there is one thing that gives me hope (besides a well stocked liquor cabinet) it’s that this kind of overreach will bring their whole house of cards down.

      1. comrad_darkness

        Cutting off government subsidies and bailouts would bring the whole house of cards down. Because, capitalism, you know.

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe the Koch Brothers can secede from the USA and make their own nation. Or is that what they're doing already in WI and MI?

    1. poncho_pilot

      i'll have to leave Wisconsin? fuck. any recommendations, anyone? i hear Portland is nice…

      1. SmutBoffin

        There is a very supportive WI expat community here in Portland.

        No jobs, though, unless you own a food cart?

        1. poncho_pilot

          i do, i do!!! i've often been one of the last people at the party to leave. it's really up to the wife with the actual career, though. i'm just a shiftless layabout.

        2. Jerri

          I can't afford to move (nor do I care to, except in winter), so I'll see you in the gruel line.

          Just kidding. They won't give us gruel.

          1. OhNoGuy

            we shall fight to the death for cheese curds!

            Steel cage match!! And the bars can be really, really far apart.

    2. Negropolis

      Surprisingly to many on the outside, Michigan's GOP gains weren't directly related to Koch Brother involvement. And, the new governor is so personally wealthy that unlike Walker, the Koch Brothers didn't buy Snyder, though, he was helped a bit by a few degrees of seperation .

    1. HistoriCat

      I told you not to wear that short skirt but would you listen? No. Honestly, you might as well have been asking for it.

  3. alzronnie

    The Koch bros have a one dollar wager between them on whether or not they can make the state of Wisconsin into a slave state.

  4. Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

    Hey, you stole that alt text from me! Or, you know, from one of the million or so other people who made the same comparison. But I remain outraged!

    Also, too. Workers voluntarily banding together to bargain for better treatment? TRIPLE HITLER! Corporations forcing employees to vote for more rich-people tax cuts? FREEDOM JESUS EAGLES!

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Personally I would take anything of mine stolen by wonkettes-that-be as a compliment.
      Also I remember you posting that. It was spot-on. Or, now I've clicked your link, it was someone else's, because I'm sure I replied to it. Great minds in common, etc.

  5. memzilla

    Everyone remembers the Apple commercial, where the woman runs through the seated masses of hypnotized proles and throws the sledgehammer through the monitor filled with Big Brother's face?

    This is Big Brother throwing the sledgehammer back.

  6. UpFistTroll

    That's the best part about Citizens United: we can do the same thing now. We can very easily refuse to provide services to anybody who identifies himself/herself as a Tea Partier. Or, hell, even a Republican! John Galt? Those fuckers haven't seen SHIT yet. Given that the majority of the "intellectuals," the "inventors," and the "big thinkers" out there are also smart enough to be liberal, it will be interesting when the educated folks decide to stay within themselves and the conservacunts are left shitting in the mud because they're too stupid to know how to dig a latrine.

    1. Gopherit

      I want a Galt's Gulch Amusment Park, Plz. It has to be rascal-friendly and have lots of corndog and frybread booths.

      1. UpFistTroll

        And none of those pesky government regulations for things like ride safety and health codes! Come, get served by the Invisible Hand of the Free Market! *

        * Invisible Hand may include Invisible Trichinosis.

    2. loulouroo

      Your theory would only work if lefties were total douchebags, too. However, they're mostly not. In fact, we'd be likely to dig the latrine for them and wipe their asses, too. Good guys always finish last. We're good. That's why we are who we are.

    3. V572..whatever

      Not so fast, Joe-Hill-Breath:
      [from the article in Nation]
      According to UCLA’s Stone, although Citizens United frees Koch Industries and other corporations to propagandize their employees with their political preferences, the same doesn’t hold true for unions—at least not in the workplace. “If a union wanted to hand out political materials in the workplace not directly relevant to the workers’ interests—such as providing a list of candidates to support in the elections—the employer has the right to ban that material,” says Stone. “They could even prohibit its distribution on lunch breaks or after shifts, because by law it’s the company’s private property.”

  7. EdFlintstone

    There is going to come a day, decades from now, when law school students will be taught how Scalia, Roberts, Thomas, Alito and Kennedy nearly killed the good old USA.

    I imagine the letter told employees the most pressing issues facing them are a zero estate(death) tax, getting rid of the EPA and the top rate never gets raised.

    1. Eve8Apples

      I fear that the Koch boys will buy all the law schools and require that students memorize the Citizens United case verbatim and recite it like the Lord's Prayer every night before they go to sleep.

      1. CZL

        You're assuming they don't already. Along with business schools, law schools are a haven for pasty, doughy, privileged white boy and girls to hang out, join the Federalist Society and complain that diversity posters oppress white people.

    2. Swampgas_Man

      You're assuming the USA will still be here in some form decades from now, not a subsidiary of China Industries? Ain't you the cockeyed optimist.

      1. comrad_darkness

        I am. China is the greatest ponzi scheme in world history.

        Not that they won't bounce back, mind you. But the crash will be one hell of a speed bump.

    3. HogeyeGrex

      Alas, that day has already come for some schools. Unfortunately, what they're teaching the drone-wingnuts at Regent and its ilk is that those damned Activist Judges are a bunch of commiebastardliberalRINOs because they haven't struck down the income tax and the Federal Reserve, etc.

    4. Dudleydidwrong

      "how Scalia, Roberts, Thomas, Alito and Kennedy nearly killed the good old USA." Sorry, but I don't buy the "nearly" bit. Until something happens that I sure can't see coming, I think the US that we knew is a goner. Oligarchy? Fascism? Whatever you want to call it, the Kochsucker boys are harbingers of the way the game is going to be played for a long time to come.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "Today we are all serfs! "

      I think you just won Employee of the Month from your Koch overlord/shift supervisor.
      One Koch to another: Finally! They get it!

  8. SmutBoffin

    Did Ken just use the word "megacorporation", and not in reference to a science fiction story?

    Jesus, it would appear that corporations have just eclipsed governments as the predominant form of top-level human organization. Dystopia here we come!

  9. edgydrifter

    "…and remember, a loyal employee is the best employee. Traitors, malcontents, malingerers and liberals must be reported to your supervisor immediately. Together we WILL lick the Bolsheviks!"

    –The Management

    1. poncho_pilot

      i don't know if i want potentially angry strangers licking me. they might could blow me, though.

  10. Gopherit

    While the supreme court ruling is a travesty, it will allow people like Stephen Colbert to create Super PACs and use their bully pulpits to tear these people a new asshole. It's not perfect, but I can live with that until intelligence and reason return to politics….cough:


  11. rambone

    Wow, so what happened to the Koch Industries’ employees who didn’t vote for the Republican/Tea Party slate? Were their families tortured?

    You got a problem with free speech Layne?

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      As the Bush Administration taught us, torture is the ultimate expression of American values. To think the Koch Brothers are such true blooded Americans. Thank God that Scalia et al. have stood up for their God given right to use their money to push poor people out of their way!

  12. mavenmaven

    Now that Glenn Beck and the teabaggers believe the Nazis were leftists, actual fascist modes of operation become acceptable policy.

  13. metamarcisf

    Koch employees who voted against the wishes of the family ran the risk of waking up with a horse's ass in their bed.

    1. tessiee

      "employees who voted against the wishes of the family ran the risk of waking up with a horse's ass in their bed."

      Or posted a personal ad on Plenty of Fish.

  14. HedonismBot

    Next step: justifying massive wage and benefit cuts by providing food and other necessities to the worker bees, courtesy of their megacorporation employers. Of course, the employees will be indentured the rest of their lives to pay for said necessities. I can't wait to owe my soul to the company store.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        Oh, it's here. Where I work, prizes and awards are often given in gift cards that can be used at any of the facilities on-site.

    1. tessiee

      Someone who is better at math than I am and has even more time on their hands sat down and figured out that running a sweatshop is actually *cheaper* than owning slaves, because you have to provide for slaves well enough to at least keep them healthy enough to work.

  15. ifthethunderdontgetya

    But wait, guess what? It’s not illegal anymore, to do this.

    Oh, and what if it still was?

    Then we'd have our righteous president, Barry, and his law 'n order man, Eric H. Holder, Jr., bringing these perps to justice, right Ken?


    1. tessiee

      "But wait, guess what? It’s not illegal anymore, to do this.

      Oh, and what if it still was?

      Then we'd have our righteous president, Barry, and his law 'n order man, Eric H. Holder, Jr., bringing these perps to justice, right Ken? "

      Yes, by sending them a strongly worded letter.

    2. yyyaz

      Funny, if you look at Barry in just the right light, he does look more than just a little bit Manchurian.

    1. weejee

      The Economist has a very good article on just that in general, and California in the particular. The problem of the referendumbs, lacking initiatives, and recalls that have essentially bankrupted the State. Pure democracy would be/is terrifying.

      1. imissopus

        Oh, I've lived in California for fourteen years so I've had a front-row seat to the Sartre-esque nightmare that is our state government. It's a shame, really, because once you get past the traffic, the overcrowded cities, the lousy schools, the impotent Legislature that couldn't govern a Lego model of Sacramento much less the real place, the real estate market that no one can afford to buy into, and the fact that Darrell Issa is a member of our congressional delegation, it's a great place to be.

        1. ChessieNefercat

          Don't forget the smog. When we left San Diego (a short time before you came to California), we marveled every day for months at the odd looking sky (blue) and the sharp clear horizon.

          It finally dawned on us that we weren't seeing the brown, smucky haze in the sky, and that it wasn't just a freaky day after the Santa Ana wind blew all the gunk out to sea, but just a regular day with a sky just like in the picture books.

          1. imissopus

            Actually, the smog is one thing that has improved since I moved to L.A. When I first got here we'd have days where you couldn't see the hills at all even if you were only three or four miles away. I haven't seen a day like that in years.

            That's not to say the sky is that deep blue on a regular basis, though. It's still got a rusty tinge much of the time, especially in summer.

          2. HogeyeGrex

            The first time I lived in LA, they'd have days when you couldn't see the outline of a billboard 1/4 mile down the street. The alerts on the TV/radio told you to stay indoors and if you had to go outside to take a damp rag to breath through. Seriously.

            It has improved a lot.

            Of course, that means it's time to kill the Clean Air Act and dismantle the EPA. What could possibly go wrong?

      2. zhubajie

        Didn't The Economist cheer on the potato famine and mass starvation in Ireland, back during the last upsurge of Lib-tardism?

        1. weejee

          Yes, but that was in the day when the English anatomy texts showed the Irish had tails. In PC modern times those disgraceful illustrations have been exponged from the texts, likely in no small part due to the fact that those of us of Irish decent do a much better job of hiding them.

        2. OhNoGuy

          No, they were too busy eating the recently dead. The tasty, tasty dead. You must be thinking of someone else.

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Not when the people with the most money can buy their access and shut down everything else. But, then again, that isn't democracy, that is that other thing.., what is it called…, plutocracy? Fascism? Something like that.

  16. roomfilledsmokemate

    The whole tone of that 'newsletter' was cringe-inducing.. I could just see stupid people thinking, "this is a billionaire, and he's giving me advice!" There's too many people out there that honestly believe wealth denotes superiority.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      This is so sadly, bafflingly true. What is wrong with these people?

      Or am I still shaken by my prop retard baby negatives?

  17. Rotundo_

    So much for humans being the apex predator anymore, we has dun met the enema, and he is a corporation.

  18. __kth__

    How would they know who you voted for (unless a lot of your co-workers lived in the same neighborhood and they checked returns at the precinct level okay maybe that is a little scary)?

    1. Swampgas_Man

      They can't know exactly who you voted for, but they can take note of any political pamphlets, liberal conversations or bumper stickers you have and make a guess.

  19. SayItWithWookies

    It's a shame that we still have such medieval institutions as the secret ballot that betray the benificence of our good rich overlords like the Kochs. Why, they're required to pay all their employees equally and take it completely on faith that people do their bidding. How much longer are we going to let this injustice continue? Call your congressman now and tell him to vote for the Employer Full Disclosure Act, which mandates that all votes be disclosed to voters' corporate masters. In America today, everybody deserves to know where their money's going, right? Let's act to fix America people — before it's too late!

    1. tessiee

      Hear, hear! Those loyalty oaths and hidden cameras aren't going to pay for themselves, you know!

  20. HedonismBot

    "Legal experts interviewed for this story called the blatant corporate politicking highly unusual, although no longer skirting the edge of legality…"
    "Unusual" is snow in June. This is insulting and frightening.

    1. sati_demise

      Will not be unusual from now on. The Koch bros lead the way, the rest follow.

      surprised this is legal..so thanks for fucking up the BP oil volcano anniversary even more with this news

  21. Lucidamente1

    Don't worry–once they try to corner the market on frozen orange juice futures they'll be screwed.

  22. elviouslyqueer

    Quoth the Kochsuckers: If the government insists that someone should be paid $50 per hour in wages and benefits, but that person only creates $30 worth of value, no one will prosper for long….

    But according to this logic, if someone like — say — David and Charles Koch are paid $44 billion and create $0 worth of value, they should be showered with tax cuts, unburdened with governmental regulations and oversight, and be given free reign to repeatedly anally rape actual "workers" with a red hot poker, amirite?

  23. arihaya

    "Were their families tortured? "

    no…. they're just forced to watch "Atlas Shrugged pt I" ,,, guarded by Teabaggers in hoverounds

  24. BZ1

    Uh, how is this voting taking place, by a show of hands? If someone told me how to vote on a secret ballot, I could fib outrageously and then just do what I pleased in the voting booth…

    1. zhubajie

      I was wondering the same thing. If I write in "Donald Duck" or "Long Dong Silver", how do they know it was me and not the doofus in the next cubicle? Are there cameras in the voting booths?

    2. tessiee

      "Uh, how is this voting taking place, by a show of hands? If someone told me how to vote on a secret ballot, I could fib outrageously and then just do what I pleased in the voting booth… "

      That's what the office polygraph tests are for, doy!

    3. MilwaukeeKent

      Well, a post on a web-site, a public record of political donations (has the $200 threshold given way? Lately I've been asked to name my employer for smaller donations), a letter to an editor…I'm sure the chosen such as the Brothers Koch wouldn't hesitate to check (pay some operative to track) their employee lists against these things. For the paid trolls here, the unions that "coerce" a vote from members (by an endorsement for instance) don't control your fate, such as your ability to put food on your family, as W said (he knew how hard that was, the Jello kept sliding off Laura) in quite the same way as your employer does.

      I'm always bugged when I see anyone, left or right, say "Health care/Finance/big oil contributed X brazilion dollars to candidate Dork or candidate Thug" without putting it in context of the reporting requirements, Give the Kochs some grudging respect for restraint, they're not (yet) actually openly requiring that every employer give to candidate X.

  25. Tundra Grifter

    Even post-Citizens United, wouldn't the Koch Korporation have to report the letter as at least an in-kind campaign contribution?

  26. sportshort

    Whew! For a minute there I thought the "people" were actually going to have a "say" in things. Oh and here's another lovely "fact": Corporations (now officially "a person") can live forever! I wanna be a corporation, too! Please?

  27. Rotundo_

    That will be just after the Michigan styled "bidness manager" town bosses are installed, the state troopers staffing levels are octupled and they all have shiny new badges with Charlie, Dave and Scooter at different points of a triangle. And new brown uniforms and hats instead of the old blues… Ein Reich, Ein Volk, Three fucking stooges!

  28. Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum

    So, hypothetically, could an employer require and employee to use an absentee ballot and
    to show it to him before sending it?

    1. Ken Layne

      Yep. Common in the wingnut world of "small business." Seen it myself. Heard it myself, too.

      In 1984, I was working as a panel truck driver delivering oil products to gas stations in the "back country" of San Diego/Imperial County (don't ask), and the pea-eyed owner/manager told us to bring in our absentee ballots or "bring in your uniforms." I reminded the cretin that I also wrote for the weekly paper there, and he shut up.

      1. Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum

        Interesting. So do you think he shut up because he felt he was doing something illegal, or just because publicity about his practice would be bad for business?

  29. Barb

    Well, I have to say this somewhere and it might as well be here.
    This isn't about my p-rating anymore. It was fun while it lasted. The downfisters went to Papa Johns and Huggies and asked for ads to be pulled from Wonkette. There is a big Twitter slam going on right now. The Trig thread has been molested to death. I've lost well over 200 P points today and Sorosbot is over in the Trig thread and his posts are being completely disrespected. Google "Wonkette Papa Johns" and you will see it. The place is crawling right now with downfisters.

        1. weejee

          Just got back from upfisting ours and down fisting theirs. That said I was glad to see many of our posts were still in positive territory. But they were ones that were a hair more subtle than FUCK YOU REDNECK so the teatards clicked the wrong clickie.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      The higher you climb, the harder you fall I guess? High scorers are more visible.
      I've worn myself out counter-fisting the hellswarms that are making weak retributive remarks over Trig Libel. Again as others earlier mentioned, if enough of us go over there and put in a few thumbs worth, couldn't hurt.

      1. natoslug

        There is no there there. At least, no longer any comments there. I'm disappointed. THIS IS JUST LIKE THE BATAAN DEATH MARCH ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!1!!!IONE!ELEVENTY11111!!!!

          1. PuckStopsHere

            Have I mentioned Hoekstra is no longer in congress? I did? Really? But…you can still see his mudflaps all over the state, tho. He runs a trucking supply biz. They are even on those socialist SCHOOL BUSES!!!

    2. ttommyunger

      I would enjoy your posts if you were in negative territory. Am I missing something here. Are you folks getting checks in the mail based on P values? Shit, just my luck.

      1. V572..whatever

        Oh, you didn't get yours? Oops — it's probably the fault of your unionized letter carrier.

        1. ttommyunger

          No, no its just me. Nobody tells me a fucking thing. The unionized letter carrier is prolly taking a shit in your yard right about now.

          1. ttommyunger

            I always find one too, just may not be everyone's definition of a bathroom. I assume that is their problem.

          2. ChessieNefercat

            "Nobody tells me a fucking thing."

            Story of my life. In fairness, I am hearing impaired in the voice frequencies which is, sadly, often very handy. Maybe people tell me everything and I don't know it. From my reading of the news, I am not missing much.

          3. ttommyunger

            Lucky you. I am hearing, seeing and thinking impaired with a little of the Trig action thrown in for good measure.

      2. finallyhappy

        that is what I say- what the hell do P numbers mean? Shit, not even a free discount t-shirt

          1. PuckStopsHere

            You're a 100+ pee point guy. You can put that on your CV. I can't say the same. This, you see, makes you the better man. That's the point. I'm going back to watching the hockey game I am currently pirating off of the internet.

          2. ttommyunger

            Don't know what CV is. Pretty sure I am not a better man than you; or anybody else, for that matter. Hell, if I were pirating off the internet it would prolly be porn, not something as wholesome as hockey.

      3. poncho_pilot

        i certainly hope there wasn't money involved: the not-so-breitbarts really didn't like my Life Goes On reference. -38? lol.

          1. comrad_darkness

            That would be the definition of "conservative."

            Change? OMFG, I'm going to shit my pants in fear!@!!!@@!

    3. EdFlintstone

      Wow we're all in the negative on that post. No biggie, Wonkette was better before the P-ness anyway.

    4. DustBowlBlues

      My good heavens. People usually find my the look-I-didn't-abort-this-retard-prop baby quip to be full of feel-good hilarity, not to mention bonhomie. I got 30+ negative pees. Memzilla really did it though, offending Faux News. How did Ken let this happen? I don't want those people infecting "my" the wonket like bed bugs or head lice. Bed bugs and head lice devoid of a sense of humor, I might add.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        "Bed bugs and head lice devoid of a sense of humor, I might add. "

        And intelligence.

        I agree with you. Must stop the infestation. Quick, Ken, the Flit!

      2. trumpbly_joe

        Man, I managed to it neg 66pees, just by pointing out that Saints Rusbo and Laura have said plenty of nasty things, and also that using one's words is still less vile than trying to repeal the ADA, Medicare, and Social Security, which are all things disabled people who aren't the children of millionaire fameballs, need to actually live.

    5. Rotundo_

      The thread is gone now, Since the Breitbarties are screwing with advertisers over this maybe it's about time someone at intense debate started factoring how *negative* a person is by negative peeing on a large quantity of people on a blog they don't post on. Or even better yet, nuke the stupid pee thing outright, since it is completely useless (Not even as a bad joke anymore) feature. Wonkette didn't gain much from it, save for the novelty of it in the beginning, except a reason to freak when the trolls drop by. Fuck the pee system, Fuck trolls, and most sincerely fuck Andrew Breitbart. (figuratively, of course).

      1. comrad_darkness

        Send them a feedback with this. Couldn't hurt.

        "figuratively, of course"

        Yeah, cuz, gross!

    6. natoslug

      Oh good, we can post again over there, just no old comments. I just threw myself out there to get my p sucked off by trolls. It's a good thing I already got my p-check for the month.

    7. ChessieNefercat

      I just went back to that article to see what is going on. It says there are 307 comments, but there aren't any showing. It says "be the first to comment." Who/how did that? is it a good thing, done to stop attacks on our p-ness? Or is it an attack that somehow stole all our comments?

      And why do we have to have this type of thing anyway? It sounds nice in theory; becoming known across intense debate sites and so on, finding like-minded people, occasionally perhaps voicing a polite disagreement with someone's point of view.

      But if we (or anyone) is going to be repeatedly hijacked by infantile sociopaths who mindlessly downfist as often as possible, because they are incapable of accepting or discussing other points of view in a rational manner (it is possible to do so, I have seen Wonketters occasionally disagree with each other, politely and in a civil manner) causing the other side to rise up and upfist to help their unjustly attacked friends, it just gets stupid. That is not "intense debate." That is a jackassy waste of everyone's time that would actually like to contribute to whatever discourse they find congenial to their point of view.

      Can Ken (or whoever takes care of these things) take away the up/down fist feature? Or can Intense debate figure out a way to prevent the ill-intended from hijacking and abusing the system?

      As for Huggies/Papa John's, oh well. Hopefully Wonkette can do a nice article showing how they intentionally pulled their advertising from a site that has pointed out repeatedly how Palin has abused little Trig and treated him as nothing more than a prop. Why do they not care care about how Trig is treated?

      1. Ken Layne

        Hello comrades!

        We turned off the comments there. Nobody good was using them anyways.

        Nobody cares about the cow-demon Sarah Palin abusing her baby by turning it into an elephant-suited political rally prop. What they care about is a handful of *very loyal* chain pizza customers complaining for a day. I've been at this nonsense for 15 years, on the Internet, and the only thing I can tell you is that the Internet has no short term memory. So, ignore it, and shortly the cow-demons will be back to ignoring Wonkette. As our one true god ALLAH intended.

        As for the P points, the Intense Debate system works *pretty well* most of the time in terms of blocking spam, blocking trolls, and automatically approving the comments made by those who have been "approved" by the commenter community, if that makes any sense at all. It works better than any other system I've used in the many years I've been fielding comments on the Internet.

        That said, if we're having a lot of people not seeing their posts appear here because of trolls/pig-demons intentionally trying to poop on our pleasant town of literate drunks, I guess I have to look for another (final) solution. So is this the case? Is anyone actually unable to post comments because of the "p score" nonsense?

        1. emmelemm

          Thanks for the update, and I believe that's why my early comment said "You guys are in for it now (but well done anyways)!"

          Took a while for the downfisting humorless a-holes to show up, but show up they did.

        2. weejee

          I see from over Slate, that you've given Jack a few hale merrys and our fetas to do as penance. Can we send him files in cakes through the intertubes to make his escape?

        3. dox[acted]

          Ain't no thing. I like the comment functions–and honestly, the public feedback encourages me to up my funny game while to keeping my natural didactic bore asshole tendencies in check.

        4. user-of-owls

          All told, I am actually pretty fond of the pee. It provides for a measure of peer evaluation and the peers here are pretty damn righteous. Of course, there's the hanky-panky of serial down-fistulae, though frankly I get more agitated by pathetically lame regulars who are inconceivably rewarded for embarrassing inanity, i.e., BLOOD LIBEL for every fucking post. So be it. We know who brings game and who is a p-cunt; we know who's here for the long haul and who brings the new talent. I am utterly monogamous with Wonkette and on those rare occasions that I stray into other yards, I'm utterly dumbfounded. People still actually say, "First!"? I'm just gonna stay here in this safe, intelligent and hilarious ecosystem, thank you very much. And pee? I think it was the great philosopher Ernie who once said, "P is P!"

          1. PuckStopsHere

            You sir or madam have just managed to BLOOD LIBEL BLOOD LIBEL. This has to be a Wonkett record of some sort.

          2. roomfilledsmokemate

            I admit recently I just had to try one of those really old and stale "you know who else" blah blah blah…? to see the creative responses. As far as commenting on other sites, every now and then I like to enrage the dopes on azcentral, where every thread's first comment is either 'First!' or some racist bigoted right-wing garbage.

        5. schvitzatura

          Mixed emotions, buddy. Like John Schnatter going off a cliff in his black and gold Camaro…

    8. Cicada

      This is why I hate the stupid fucking p score/fisting system. It's just a tool to get people to click more and generate revenue. You get people invested in your meaningless metric, and they'll spend more time commenting, refreshing, and clicking those little Pavlovian thumbs. I'd rather have Wonketteers posting funny comments than clicking thumbs.
      Also, it's allowed for this utterly chickenshit form of trolling, which is extremely successful since almost every single Wonkette thread has some comments devoted to the trolls.Every time we devote energy to those dipshits, they get what they want.

      Fuck the p-score and the thumbs! They've made Wonkette a less fun place.

      1. CapnFatback

        which is extremely successful since almost every single Wonkette thread has some comments devoted to the trolls.

        I've never, ever understood why people mention that the Downfist Troll is present. All that ever does is ensure future visits.

        I have to confess that I've never been comfortable with the Trig posts, as often comments go beyond the ironic or no longer focus on Sarah as the subject of scorn. That may make me a bit of a prude as things go, but it just goes to show that too often a good "retard joke" is hard to dismiss.

        I'm also sorry to say that I never considered those posts as an opportunity for the simulacra at Breibart to try to pull an O'Keefe at Wonkette. Their mock righteousness is amusing, in that it is poorly enacted.

        1. Cicada

          I agree, mentioning the trolls pretty much guarantees a return. I've made a couple of jokes about the trolls in the past, but the obsession with p-scores and downfisting has become so prevalent it's not fun anymore.

          The idea of trying to shut down Wonkette over that post is pretty silly. But the spasms of outrage are fun to watch.

          It just occurred to me: Jack Stuef just trolled the wingnut blogosphere.

        2. Mumbletypeg

          Thank. You. Both.
          The more time I spend reading people's daily [as opposed to this recent] downfister' invectives the more I miss the old format. It's just as easy to silently click a thumb to offset a dipping score of a comrade and continue if must need be. What's not needed is saying anything and creating off-topic clutter.

        3. comrad_darkness

          Trig posts don't bother me, because I know Trig (due to his aptly named Tri-G) doesn't care.

      2. ChessieNefercat

        Hear, hear.

        Wonkette has about the best commenters, or commenting style, anywhere (I'm sure many of us comment elsewhere in a more acceptable to gramma-coming-home-from-church/temple/mosque/poker style).

        I would rather read all my favorite Wonketeers witty, snarky, sarcastic, satirical, ironical, and just plain ol' raunchy comments on the latest article than have us all wasting our time on people who are. not. worth. the. effort.

        PS I ah, um, upfisted you anyway. Seeing that it is the system currently in place.

      3. PuckStopsHere

        It is Pavlovian, isn't it? I find myself looking for the little thumb thingy sometimes when I am reading The Detroit Free Press and it's not there and then I have a sad.

    9. LowProfileinGA

      Write Papa Johns. I did: (http://www.papajohns.com/customer/feedbackform.shtm)

      "Pulling your ad from Wonkette was, I believe, a knee-jerk reaction. Familiarize yourselves with the blog. It is graceless and tasteless, but it speaks the truth to power in a unique and powerful manner.

      The child was (ab)used as a prop throughout the campaign.

      Those who did that to him, put him on stage, are the ones who should be castigated.

      Thanks for the opportunity to express myself to you."

    10. user-of-owls

      Time to get back to our roots. This is a WARBLOG!

      Every minute we stay in this blog we get weaker. And every minute Breitie squats on a thumb he gets stronger.

    11. user-of-owls

      Wait, what? Were you at 320 p-willikers yesterday? Now you're not just being an orchid dearie.

          1. user-of-owls

            Oh dearest, you'll ne'er be a dandelion and when you and the peony that is Lizzie get together, you'd do all humanity a favor by scratching each other's bellies and giggling like schoolgirl penguins. *sigh*

          2. ChessieNefercat

            My understanding from the one-track guy minds I've encountered is that a pillow fight must also be involved.

          3. natl_indecency_cmdr

            as an internet cynic who's had enough of cute animal videos i tried to ignore it. still "laughing penguin" kept gnawing at me. so i watched it a couple of days ago. it warmed my cold hard heart.

    12. dox[acted]

      Oh to hell with that. Pee is fleeting, flaming is forever. Besides, no one talks to Sorosbot that way.

      *parachutes in*

    13. SorosBot

      It was fun tangling with the idiots for a bit, but man that invasion was insanely huge. And they said pretty much exactly the same thing; the brownshirts really do just march in lockstep when given their orders. I do miss some of our snarky replies to their trolling, but damn that got uncontrollable.

      I am surprised our p-scores have remained intact for now.

    14. thescoots

      get used to it, libtard…..and you can ask Jack Off Stuff how that child-bashing is working out for him right now……

      1. ThundercatHo

        Oh fuck, you again? Go away and leave us alone. Don't you have some Walmart shoppers to greet or something.

  30. EdFlintstone

    Is every commenter on that site a freeper? This one is my favorite though.

    "Commentator, you are an idiot. Do you think Nickolaus was manually tallying votes? She was uploading data and screwed up. After the ommiccion was caught, the data was audited".

    1. Ken Layne

      Yes, every commenter on almost every website is a mouth-breathing maxed-out millionaire-worshiping fantasist. We are spoiled here at Wonkette, very spoiled indeed.

      1. HistoriCat

        This is the real reason for Ken's continuance of the white elephant known as Wonkette – too time-consuming/costly to live, too damn smart to give up.

  31. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Until someone in the Democratic Party starts calling for a Constitutional Amendment to reverse the court on this whole "Money and Business are People" bullshit, this is what we will have to put up with. Why the Democrats can't stand up for this, when the Republicans have been shouting for a balanced budget amendment and an amendment outlawing abortion for thirty years, I have no idea.

    1. zhubajie

      Because the Dems and the Reps are the same, like the pigs and the farmers in Animal Farm.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Until the Supreme Court overrules it. How many years has it been since the Labor Board found in favor of a union, though. That's a good thing.

    2. emmelemm

      Holy Moly, it's like pigs are flyin'. But yeah, only until the Supreme Court overturns it.

      Marginally on/off topic, a friend of mine worked for Northwest Airlines before they merged with Delta, NWA being unionized for flight attendants and Delta being non-unionized. There was a "company-wide" vote as to whether the resulting, merged company should have unionized flight attendants or not, and the tactics Delta pulled in swaying the vote were, well, Koch-alicious. My friend was involved in trying to get the NLRB to step in somehow, but I don't think it got very far.

  32. deanbooth

    "According to my dictionary," said Morgan Hunter, President and CEO of Merriam-Webster, Inc., "a corporation is an association of individuals having a continuous existence independent of the existences of its members and granted the full rights of personhood by the Constitution."

  33. ttommyunger

    Preachers have been pulling this shit out in the open for years and that is clearly illegal. The Kochounds are just doing their thing. I'm anxious to see how it works out for them.

    1. weejee

      The bro were born on third base and got their monies from their dad, and John Birch Society co-founder (no shit), Fred Koch. Freddie was a chem engineer who went to the Sam Houston Institute of Technolgy Rice and MIT and got an early patent on using thermal cracking to break heavier oil down into lighter compounds used in gasoline. Almost makes me want to burn my chem degree.

  34. tonyknuckles

    Looks like lots of homo crowdsourcing going on here. Will all you buttmunches move to Venezuala when we patriots take back the presidency?

    Please say you will!!

    1. El Pinche

      Nice spam site..
      I'm Anthony and I've been blogging for over four years and have been using multiple social networks during this time. I will give my honest opinion while reviewing your product. I'm a dad of 4, 2 boys ages 13 and 10, and 2 girls ages 8 and 6. We live in southwestern Florida and have many interests including cooking, swimming, biking, playing outdoors, video gaming, and movies. I love to share great new products with my readers. If you have a product that you'd like help promoting, feel free to contact me. A non returnable sample is required as I {or my family} actually use the product and test it out.

      I hope you like spam , too. Hahaha

    2. finallyhappy

      You wouldn't know what real patriotism is if it bit you in your big fat butt. Patriotism to people like you means hatred and bigotry.

      1. Mark81150

        What the Hell makes you think you understand anything about it?
        During the Bush years regressives made it plain they hated patriotism with the flame of pure righteous socialism.. I mean how dare anyone actually wanna defend this country..

        but strangely.. people do, and reportedly, they vote republican and think your average prog is on crack..at least they act as if their brain cells are misfiring. May explain why the left couldn't hold on to their glorious peoples victory after 08..

        something about them sucking,.. or sidelining the jobs they promised while paying back their enterest groups in government unions.

      2. Mark81150

        three attempts to post, all deleted by admin..

        the link I could understand, the other..?

        I've never been censored by any conservative site, now three in one day from a leftwing one?

        what's the matter.. is it certain words? or just about me being tagged a conservative who doesn't speak like your sterotype version?

    3. ChessieNefercat

      You are a typical right wing constitution-hating (not that you have any idea what is in it) cretin. You are not a patriot. Your ilk hates everything that made America great.

      True American patriots voted in 2008 to take back the presidency and we did.

      Un-American, unpatriotic, uneducated, ignorant bottom feeders like you need to realize that real Americans have no intention of letting you and yours finish destroying this country as you have tried so hard to do.

      1. Mark81150

        Uh huh……

        Been there, done that, took back the country from the inbred mouthbreathing left in 1980.. and re-enforced that historic stomping in 84.

        and as for ignorant bottom feeders.. check your six.. friendlies on your six.

        1. ArmoredBore

          How about Disc Wars or Light Cycle?

          Wait, potentially tubby guy/gal in a skin-tight light suit. Scratch that.

          How about dodgewrench instead?

    4. ArmoredBore

      Homo crowdsourcing? I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds hawt. I think I'm getting palpitations just imagining…

    5. poncho_pilot

      "Will all you buttmunches hippie faggots move to Venezuala when we patriots take back ravage the presidency America back to the stone age?"

    6. roomfilledsmokemate

      Take back the presidency for whom? The obscenely wealthy corporate-owning class you will never be a part of? Calling yourself a fucking 'patriot' and voting against your own interests won't get you any closer to your feeble-minded wet dream of having piles of Koch money, dipshit. The only thing you will ever be CEO of is your own stupid ass.

    7. dox[acted]

      I actually thought this was sarcastic and hilarious. Now I know what conservatives who love Colbert because they think he's being sincere feel like.

      (+1 if for nothing else than I haven't heard "buttmunch" in forEVER!)

      1. ChessieNefercat

        Yeah, I think my then teenage sons thought buttmunch was awesome in like, the mid-90's.

    8. Cicada

      Homo crowdsourcing is the bomb-diggity. I know it's not the pedo crowdsourcing that you prefer, but we like it!

      1. ChessieNefercat

        Yes, why do they always seem to drag the ghey into the conversation? Do actual gay people think about gay sex that much?

    9. weejee

      we patriots take back the presidency

      Nine times out of ten this is the kinda remark is made by a chickhawk. So on behalf of all my fellow vets at Wonkette please consider yourself called a poopyhead.

    10. comrad_darkness

      These are the patriots that can't win a presidential election without the supreme court intervening, or without filtering votes though an RNC server and then assassinating the webmaster before he can testify? By patriot, I assume you mean the undermining democracy, banana republic sort.

  35. iburl

    If corporations are people, then they should be dissolved in less than 100 years, just like a person. The Founding fathers also believed in limited lifespans for corporate entities. That being said, Corporations are not people and deserve nothing.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        People should be dissolved in their favorite beverage. Corporations should be dissolved in battery acid. Or their corporate officers should. The experience would be wasted on the incorporation papers themselves.

  36. Rotundo_

    The fun bit, and rest fully assured that this will happen, is that these sorts of human sacks of feces will be combing donation records to see who YOU are donating to and acting accordingly. It's going to get a whole lot more interesting before this thing settles down or we all become their property.

  37. Callyson

    From The Nation's article…the letter that the Koch employees got includes this gem:
    “The following candidates in your state are supported by Koch companies and KOCHPAC, the political action committee for Koch companies."
    KOCHPAC? Sounds like a gay men's porno…

  38. DustBowlBlues

    Maybe they'll take out advertising, not realizing the perfect irony, of course, to replace *Papa John's.

    Papa John's? Did they advertise on the wonket? Or did they just tell the t'baggers they withdrew their (fake) advertising to make those crazies happy?

    1. EdFlintstone

      Guess I ate my last PJ pizza and I don't need Huggies, yet. I googled that and seems everytime(going back since the 2008 election) theres a post about Trig, the RW sites get their panties in a bunch. See I just said the T word and got donuted.

      You could be right DBB, just like Boehner did 38 billion in (largely)imaginary cuts.

  39. V572..whatever

    Thus spake the Koch:

    "Anything that undermines the mobility of labor, such as policies that make it more expensive and difficult to change where people are employed, also increases unemployment…. Similar policies that distort the labor market—such as minimum wage laws and mandated benefits—contribute to unemployment."

    Quit asking for all those mobility-undermining benefits, you whiny, lazy "workers." You're the ones creating unemployment! Finally someone has the courage to say it: it's your own goddamn fault if you don't have a job.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Oh! So they support Medicare for all/universal health care to enable workers to move easily to different jobs to better themselves, or even (!), to leave cubicle world for entrepreneurial opportunities, without having to fear losing health care for themselves and their families?

      Well, color me shocked!

    2. tessiee

      Shorter: "Everything except corporate deregulation and massive tax cuts to corporations creates unemployment".

    1. Barb

      Thanks for posting the link, LowProfileinGA. i just wrote to them and pointed out that surely, the knew what Wonkette was about when they signed up to place ads on the site.

      1. natoslug

        What I find interesting (well, this and sex and breasts and beer and pretty much everything else) is that obviously nobody attacking the Trig article bothered to actually read it. Yes, it uses Trig as a prop, but really it is just another Sarah Palin article. Contrary to what Weigel(ing around in excrement) says, Jack's "retarded" reference was actually a link to a Levi Johnston video describing how Sarah Palin constantly refers to Trig as retarded. And yes, it was a bit tasteless, or would be if Trig's mother hadn't used him as a prop. But to completely miss the sarcasm employed in the post is really fucking retard… ah, shit — is really fucking clueless. Now, if they want to attack Jack for helping continue to keep Sarah Palin in the spotlight, more power to them. That herpetic anal blister's 15 minutes cannot be over too soon.

        And I posted it over on the Trig article, but I think the trolls over there really lend credence to this whole idea of FTD (no, it's not all about flowers, dammit!): http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42644787/ns/health-ag

    1. Jerri

      Exactly. I guess on the plus side, the way things are going many of us won't have to experience that Swiftian curse, "May you live all the days of your life."

  40. fuflans

    whenever I see a koch story i think of that line from one of the 'lord of the rings' movies: the age of men is over. The age of the orc is about to begin.

    1. Cicada

      Oh my, your clever subterfuge has totally sucked me in. BURN KEN LAYNE, BURN HIM!!! RABBLE RABBLE!!!!

      By the way, the problem is that we'll actually click and read the whole post. Context is a beautiful thing.

    2. LowProfileinGA

      That is not what Ken said. Your post itself shows that. Please don't reward the trolls.

    3. EdFlintstone

      Di Da, you seem kind of new but it is sooooooooo nice to have a "brother" like you, telling us how mean Ken is. I'm sure you're aware of the Wonkette initiation ceremony, where you have the mouth(yours) on cock(ours) sex with all the guy wonketters. So *ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipppppppppppp* *thud* (shut up, I can dream) now get crackin sparky and NO spitting.

        1. di_da_is_alpha

          I actually go back a bit further than that. I followed metamarcist here from Breitbart, and was just going to leave after reading a few comments, but then this one caught my eye…. http://wonkette.com/426603/heres-a-sneak-preview-

          Nothing but love on wonkette, and you guys only disparage the woman, not her son, right? I think my comment was on page 2.

          When are you people going to wake up to the fact that humans are self serving? There's nothing wrong with it, it's natural. We only form societies because, to a point, it is beneficial for the individual. However, once society outweighs the individual in importance, that society will fail. The colony taking precedence over the individual may work in the insect world, but not in the world us humans.

      1. di_da_is_alpha

        No, I didn't go through that ceremony, and don't believe I will. Sounds like you enjoyed your initiation though.

    4. tessiee

      It's no great surprise that your brothers and sisters are cretins. That's usually what happens when your parents are brother and sister.

  41. dox[acted]

    When I fire you for exercising your right to expression and self-representation, it's OK because I'm just exercising my right to expression and self-representation. Make sense?

  42. floydrturbo

    Even if they "forced" people to vote how can they confirm it? We have secret ballots. Unions "force" this shit on their members. I'm sure Lefties would love to have open voting so you could enforce voting regulations, but those secrecy laws protect you from the Koch Bros.

    Not only do you hate retarded kids… you seem to be retarded yourself.

    1. El Pinche

      Hey I flew an A-10 before…best tank destroyer socialism can buy. Thank me for the page view (not with a blow job or salad toss, though) . …retard.

    2. Cicada

      Why do you use the word "retarded" as a pejorative bad thing? Is it because you hate Trig?

      *Edited for assumed reading level.

  43. pinkocommi

    My boss' asking me to sleep with him involves speech, too, but that doesn't mean it can't be regulated by the state as sexual harassment. Not sure who those "legal experts" were who were consulted for the story. Maybe they ask their underlings to sleep with them all the time and think they have First Amendment protections.

  44. comrad_darkness

    Oh come on, Amway used to force their employees to donate to the candidates of the owners' choice. Votes? This is piker-level crap.

    1. LowProfileinGA

      Oh, goody! Another troll to tease!

      Be nice, and you won't get your widdle feelings hurt.

    2. El Pinche

      Someone's sister-mom forgot to teach possessive forms. A meth house is never a good place for home-schooling.

    3. ChessieNefercat

      "Hey libs! How does George Soro's ass taste? "

      Um, was this supposed to be witty? Because it's not.

  45. comrad_darkness

    Given that conservatives who stumble in here are incapable of humor due to lack of brain function. Can intensedebate add a handicap sticker to their avatars so they can be pitied properly for their utter lack of cluefulness and their boorish, anti-social behavior (within the norms of the social structure of Wonkette, that is.)

    Come on, what kind of an asshole do you need to stand out as a glaring asshole around here? Really.

    1. nounverb911

      "As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again. "

      Scarlett O'Hara

  46. DaRooster

    I would gladly volunteer to punch them… can anyone put me there? Wherever there is… should I just wait at the gates of DIA? Should be any minute now.

  47. Warpde

    Kocks have a Kockhold on employees?
    Sounds like a circle jerk to me.
    This is all so Kockfussing.

  48. thescoots

    typical nutless, brainless liberal lies…..Koch Brothers do something most liberals are incapable of doing…They hire people with jobs. You know those avocations-for-pay that your parents had in order to feed you and develop your liberal little mind? Twenty years can't come soon enough for the light bulb to illuminate between your ears.

    1. CapnFatback

      They hire people with jobs.

      It would be far more helpful if they hired only those people without jobs.

  49. ttommyunger

    Thank you for taking the time to inform me. Too bad I will forget it as soon as I hit “send”. The joys of aging!

  50. ThundercatHo

    So, the Koch bros. only hire the employed? How is that helpful? What is supposed to happen in 20 yrs? Is this one of those apopleptic thingys you folks are so fond of?

  51. DarkStar_88

    Unfortunately, this kind of nonsense has been old hat for decades. An old union worker used to tell me tales of voting who he was told for Or Else. And they made him vote for everyone from hard-line rightwingers to yellow-dog democrats.

  52. stephentaylor

    Democracy Now did a really cool segment on the Koch brothers today. They interviewed two investigative journalists who just a finished a report on them called “Big Brothers”. democracynow . org

  53. ConsLibertarian

    Oooooh, poor Wonkette, you allowed your true selves be seen and now everyone is pulling their ads.

    Must suck to be you.

    By the way, was it any of you intelligencia that sent threats to the Koch Brothers?

    Wrong company but hey, it is really hard to believe that there would be two companies with Koch in the name and to have Koch Brothers? Must have made those heads just explode with liberal good intentions.

  54. HughDMann

    Not too comfortable with "Forcing", "Coercing" is probably the better term and almost as pernicious a corporate behavior. My old Company did quite a bit of this too with its non-union employees. The "forcing" comes when management requires you to join their PAC with the nod-nod, wink-wink implication that your performance reviews & career path could hinge on it. They can track this whereas they can't track your actual voting. They pulled the same thing with the United Way drive.

    The union guys got their own voting instructions from their locals.

Comments are closed.