KOCHSUCKERS  5:12 pm April 20, 2011

Koch Industries Forcing Employees To Vote For Teabaggers

by Ken Layne

Statler, Waldorf and Scooter.Evil muppet billionaires David and Charles Koch own the Koch Industries megacorporation, and most of the employees of that conglomerate got written instructions from the Koch Bros. listing the candidates and measures to vote for. That’s illegal! Put the Koch Brothers in prison for CRIMES against AMERICAN DEMOCRACY, quick, before they hobble away slowly! Here is what The Nation found out: “On the eve of the November midterm elections, Koch Industries sent an urgent letter to most of its 50,000 employees advising them on whom to vote for and warning them about the dire consequences to their families, their jobs and their country should they choose to vote otherwise.” Wow, so what happened to the Koch Industries’ employees who didn’t vote for the Republican/Tea Party slate? Were their families tortured?

The workers also got an exciting free issue of the Koch Brothers’ political newsletter, “full of alarmist right-wing propaganda.”

But wait, guess what? It’s not illegal anymore, to do this. Thanks to the current right-wing Supreme Court, it’s totally okay to twist your employees’ arms and make them vote for the interests of billionaires:

Legal experts interviewed for this story called the blatant corporate politicking highly unusual, although no longer skirting the edge of legality, thanks to last year’s Citizens United Supreme Court decision, which granted free speech rights to corporations.

Huzzah! You can go about your way, Koch Brothers. After all, you bought that Supreme Court! [The Nation]

 
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{ 365 comments }

V572..whatever April 20, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Well this seems perfectly reasonable. Thanks again, Nino & Johnny! This whole "democracy" thing was a worthy experiment, but I'm sure we'll all find oligarchy much nicer.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] April 20, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Oligarchy? You wish. We're heading straight for corporate neo-Feudalism / neo-Manorialism, baby!

102415 April 20, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Jennifer Government

user-of-owls April 20, 2011 at 7:19 pm

Did you intentionally use the future tense of 'find' or was that just a slip?

zhubajie April 20, 2011 at 7:38 pm

We always had oligarchy, sometimes more disguised than others.

Goonemeritus April 20, 2011 at 8:11 pm

The truth is most employees must have been as insulted by this as you are reading it. Right wingers probably less so but independents and liberals were in all probability motivated to vote the opposite. If there is one thing that gives me hope (besides a well stocked liquor cabinet) it’s that this kind of overreach will bring their whole house of cards down.

comrad_darkness April 20, 2011 at 10:20 pm

Cutting off government subsidies and bailouts would bring the whole house of cards down. Because, capitalism, you know.

BaldarTFlagass April 20, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Maybe the Koch Brothers can secede from the USA and make their own nation. Or is that what they're doing already in WI and MI?

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 5:21 pm

i'll have to leave Wisconsin? fuck. any recommendations, anyone? i hear Portland is nice…

SmutBoffin April 20, 2011 at 5:24 pm

There is a very supportive WI expat community here in Portland.

No jobs, though, unless you own a food cart?

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 5:30 pm

i don't own a food cart, no. but i could sell rabbits for pets, fur, or food.

SmutBoffin April 20, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Get that rabbit biz certified organic and you're in!

[redacted]hse April 20, 2011 at 5:42 pm

You have one of those hats?

roomfilledsmokemate April 20, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Portland has pooping mailpeople, too.. Bonus!

nounverb911 April 20, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Come to Seattle and smell the burnt coffee.

elviouslyqueer April 20, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Duh, Mississippi! Come for the poverty, stay for the endemic racism.

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 6:27 pm

maybe i could get a "job" as one of Haley the Barbourian's litter bearers?

OhNoGuy April 20, 2011 at 9:51 pm

Haley's litter box? PLEASE don't make me think about that.

natl_indecency_cmdr April 20, 2011 at 6:04 pm

come on, don't go! you know you want to see how all this shit ends, don't you? besides, who am i going to be a wisconsite serf with?

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 6:24 pm

i do, i do!!! i've often been one of the last people at the party to leave. it's really up to the wife with the actual career, though. i'm just a shiftless layabout.

Jerri April 20, 2011 at 8:05 pm

I can't afford to move (nor do I care to, except in winter), so I'll see you in the gruel line.

Just kidding. They won't give us gruel.

natl_indecency_cmdr April 20, 2011 at 8:59 pm

you can have some of my food share "dollars". that is until they take them away. then we shall fight to the death for cheese curds!

Negropolis April 21, 2011 at 3:27 am

Surprisingly to many on the outside, Michigan's GOP gains weren't directly related to Koch Brother involvement. And, the new governor is so personally wealthy that unlike Walker, the Koch Brothers didn't buy Snyder, though, he was helped a bit by a few degrees of seperation .

jus_wonderin April 20, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Now its not merely Koch sucking. I think this is rape.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] April 20, 2011 at 5:32 pm

The correct term is Droit de Seigneur.

HistoriCat April 20, 2011 at 10:32 pm

I told you not to wear that short skirt but would you listen? No. Honestly, you might as well have been asking for it.

Cheetah Repeater April 20, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Charles Koch to David: I'm not a muppet!

alzronnie April 20, 2011 at 5:18 pm

The Koch bros have a one dollar wager between them on whether or not they can make the state of Wisconsin into a slave state.

nounverb911 April 20, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Who's winning so far?

Fare la Volpe April 20, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Not us.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 20, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Unless you are into bondage.

bflrtsplk April 20, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy have a dollar bet that they can make the Kochs poor.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] April 20, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Hey, you stole that alt text from me! Or, you know, from one of the million or so other people who made the same comparison. But I remain outraged!

Also, too. Workers voluntarily banding together to bargain for better treatment? TRIPLE HITLER! Corporations forcing employees to vote for more rich-people tax cuts? FREEDOM JESUS EAGLES!

Mumbletypeg April 20, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Personally I would take anything of mine stolen by wonkettes-that-be as a compliment.
Also I remember you posting that. It was spot-on. Or, now I've clicked your link, it was someone else's, because I'm sure I replied to it. Great minds in common, etc.

natl_indecency_cmdr April 20, 2011 at 6:01 pm

freedom jesus eagles are good roasted w/ rosemary and a side of new potatoes — especially for easter. just have to pick out the thorns.

MadBrahms April 20, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Come for the heartburn, stay for the stigmata!

Ken Layne April 20, 2011 at 7:34 pm

I knew I saw that somewhere! Well, thank you! We will mail you 0.008 Kochameros.

OhNoGuy April 20, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Get back to work.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] April 21, 2011 at 1:38 am

Hey, at least it's better than HuffPo. I'll take it!

memzilla April 20, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Everyone remembers the Apple commercial, where the woman runs through the seated masses of hypnotized proles and throws the sledgehammer through the monitor filled with Big Brother's face?

This is Big Brother throwing the sledgehammer back.

Fare la Volpe April 20, 2011 at 5:56 pm

This is Big Brother dropping a tanker crate full of sledgehammers on her head.

Swampgas_Man April 20, 2011 at 7:44 pm

And everyone else in the audience.

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Donkey Kong, motherfuckers!

Ken Layne April 20, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Caught it! (With the back of my head, gah.)

OhNoGuy April 20, 2011 at 9:57 pm

GET BACK TO WORK!

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:01 pm

I *knew* we shouldn't have bought those damn sledgehammers from Acme Corporation!

UpFistTroll April 20, 2011 at 5:20 pm

That's the best part about Citizens United: we can do the same thing now. We can very easily refuse to provide services to anybody who identifies himself/herself as a Tea Partier. Or, hell, even a Republican! John Galt? Those fuckers haven't seen SHIT yet. Given that the majority of the "intellectuals," the "inventors," and the "big thinkers" out there are also smart enough to be liberal, it will be interesting when the educated folks decide to stay within themselves and the conservacunts are left shitting in the mud because they're too stupid to know how to dig a latrine.

Gopherit April 20, 2011 at 5:29 pm

I want a Galt's Gulch Amusment Park, Plz. It has to be rascal-friendly and have lots of corndog and frybread booths.

UpFistTroll April 20, 2011 at 5:34 pm

And none of those pesky government regulations for things like ride safety and health codes! Come, get served by the Invisible Hand of the Free Market! *

* Invisible Hand may include Invisible Trichinosis.

weejee April 20, 2011 at 5:49 pm

* the spores make great diet pills

user-of-owls April 20, 2011 at 7:24 pm

* and the hidden culverts make great rascal spills.

DashboardBuddha April 20, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Are you saying that the invisible hand won't hold you in the rollercoaster car?

ChurchofRealism April 20, 2011 at 7:22 pm

pshaw, that's why they make barbed wire.

Swampgas_Man April 20, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Invisible hand may be a downfist.

loulouroo April 20, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Your theory would only work if lefties were total douchebags, too. However, they're mostly not. In fact, we'd be likely to dig the latrine for them and wipe their asses, too. Good guys always finish last. We're good. That's why we are who we are.

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 6:36 pm

"evil will always win, because good is dumb." –Lord Helmet.

UpFistTroll April 21, 2011 at 10:16 am

I'm not sure I'm good anymore.

V572..whatever April 20, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Not so fast, Joe-Hill-Breath:
[from the article in Nation]
According to UCLA’s Stone, although Citizens United frees Koch Industries and other corporations to propagandize their employees with their political preferences, the same doesn’t hold true for unions—at least not in the workplace. “If a union wanted to hand out political materials in the workplace not directly relevant to the workers’ interests—such as providing a list of candidates to support in the elections—the employer has the right to ban that material,” says Stone. “They could even prohibit its distribution on lunch breaks or after shifts, because by law it’s the company’s private property.”

Ken Layne April 20, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Haha, of course. Because *unions* are thugs.

OhNoGuy April 20, 2011 at 10:00 pm

NO, because private property is SACRED!!

Now, for the last time, GET BACK TO WORK!!

zhubajie April 20, 2011 at 7:41 pm

conservacunt on how to dig a latrine: "Slave! Dig a latrine!"

EdFlintstone April 20, 2011 at 5:20 pm

There is going to come a day, decades from now, when law school students will be taught how Scalia, Roberts, Thomas, Alito and Kennedy nearly killed the good old USA.

I imagine the letter told employees the most pressing issues facing them are a zero estate(death) tax, getting rid of the EPA and the top rate never gets raised.

Eve8Apples April 20, 2011 at 5:42 pm

I fear that the Koch boys will buy all the law schools and require that students memorize the Citizens United case verbatim and recite it like the Lord's Prayer every night before they go to sleep.

CZL April 20, 2011 at 7:03 pm

You're assuming they don't already. Along with business schools, law schools are a haven for pasty, doughy, privileged white boy and girls to hang out, join the Federalist Society and complain that diversity posters oppress white people.

Swampgas_Man April 20, 2011 at 7:47 pm

You're assuming the USA will still be here in some form decades from now, not a subsidiary of China Industries? Ain't you the cockeyed optimist.

comrad_darkness April 20, 2011 at 10:46 pm

I am. China is the greatest ponzi scheme in world history.

Not that they won't bounce back, mind you. But the crash will be one hell of a speed bump.

CalamityJames April 20, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Oh good, we're just in time to tag along.

HogeyeGrex April 20, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Alas, that day has already come for some schools. Unfortunately, what they're teaching the drone-wingnuts at Regent and its ilk is that those damned Activist Judges are a bunch of commiebastardliberalRINOs because they haven't struck down the income tax and the Federal Reserve, etc.

Dudleydidwrong April 21, 2011 at 12:19 am

"how Scalia, Roberts, Thomas, Alito and Kennedy nearly killed the good old USA." Sorry, but I don't buy the "nearly" bit. Until something happens that I sure can't see coming, I think the US that we knew is a goner. Oligarchy? Fascism? Whatever you want to call it, the Kochsucker boys are harbingers of the way the game is going to be played for a long time to come.

rambone April 20, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Today we are all serfs!

nounverb911 April 20, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Serfs Up Dudes!

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 7:35 pm

"Today we are all serfs! "

I think you just won Employee of the Month from your Koch overlord/shift supervisor.
One Koch to another: Finally! They get it!

OhNoGuy April 20, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Serf City, USA, Hmmm, Hmmm, Ummm, Ummm.

The Beach Boys prophesied!

HogeyeGrex April 20, 2011 at 11:19 pm

Serfin' Safari.

It's like going hunting with Dick Cheney.

Negropolis April 21, 2011 at 3:33 am

Today?

SmutBoffin April 20, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Did Ken just use the word "megacorporation", and not in reference to a science fiction story?

Jesus, it would appear that corporations have just eclipsed governments as the predominant form of top-level human organization. Dystopia here we come!

emmelemm April 20, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Umbrella Corporation! Cue the zombies! There's trouble, right here in Raccoon City!

edgydrifter April 20, 2011 at 5:21 pm

"…and remember, a loyal employee is the best employee. Traitors, malcontents, malingerers and liberals must be reported to your supervisor immediately. Together we WILL lick the Bolsheviks!"

–The Management

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 5:25 pm

i don't know if i want potentially angry strangers licking me. they might could blow me, though.

Fare la Volpe April 20, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Too bad they're all teeth.

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 7:30 pm

how do you know i'm not into that?

nounverb911 April 20, 2011 at 5:50 pm

"Together we WILL lick the Bolsheviks!"
Does Piper Palin work for them?

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Commie Bolshevism: Threat or menace?

Gopherit April 20, 2011 at 5:22 pm

While the supreme court ruling is a travesty, it will allow people like Stephen Colbert to create Super PACs and use their bully pulpits to tear these people a new asshole. It's not perfect, but I can live with that until intelligence and reason return to politics….cough:

http://www.colbertpac.com/

imissopus April 20, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Pack a lunch.

Gopherit April 20, 2011 at 5:28 pm

yeah. At least I have my hate and my wonkette to keep me warm.

zhubajie April 20, 2011 at 7:43 pm

You might be waiting a long time

rambone April 20, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Wow, so what happened to the Koch Industries’ employees who didn’t vote for the Republican/Tea Party slate? Were their families tortured?

You got a problem with free speech Layne?

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 20, 2011 at 6:07 pm

As the Bush Administration taught us, torture is the ultimate expression of American values. To think the Koch Brothers are such true blooded Americans. Thank God that Scalia et al. have stood up for their God given right to use their money to push poor people out of their way!

mavenmaven April 20, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Now that Glenn Beck and the teabaggers believe the Nazis were leftists, actual fascist modes of operation become acceptable policy.

metamarcisf April 20, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Koch employees who voted against the wishes of the family ran the risk of waking up with a horse's ass in their bed.

nounverb911 April 20, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Eeew! Just imagine waking up next to Gle2n Beck. Makes my skin crawl.

mormos April 20, 2011 at 9:16 pm

as opposed to waking up with a horse's ass as your boss?

OhNoGuy April 20, 2011 at 10:17 pm

Or as Governor? You got a few to pick from.

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:07 pm

"employees who voted against the wishes of the family ran the risk of waking up with a horse's ass in their bed."

Or posted a personal ad on Plenty of Fish.

SkinnyNerd April 20, 2011 at 5:27 pm

In that picture up there, is that Koch and Koch or Duke and Duke? And more importantly, which pair of brothers is more evil?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EjdC0pjo1A

HedonismBot April 20, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Next step: justifying massive wage and benefit cuts by providing food and other necessities to the worker bees, courtesy of their megacorporation employers. Of course, the employees will be indentured the rest of their lives to pay for said necessities. I can't wait to owe my soul to the company store.
Freedom!

problemwithcaring April 20, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Can scrip be far off?

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Oh, it's here. Where I work, prizes and awards are often given in gift cards that can be used at any of the facilities on-site.

OhNoGuy April 20, 2011 at 10:25 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Joo90ZWrUkU

My Daddy told me Ernie also sang at Klan rallies. The Internet don't say it's so but….

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Someone who is better at math than I am and has even more time on their hands sat down and figured out that running a sweatshop is actually *cheaper* than owning slaves, because you have to provide for slaves well enough to at least keep them healthy enough to work.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 20, 2011 at 5:28 pm

But wait, guess what? It’s not illegal anymore, to do this.

Oh, and what if it still was?

Then we'd have our righteous president, Barry, and his law 'n order man, Eric H. Holder, Jr., bringing these perps to justice, right Ken?

Right?
~

EdFlintstone April 20, 2011 at 5:32 pm

I with you there. Judge Judy has done more for justice than Holder.

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:10 pm

"But wait, guess what? It’s not illegal anymore, to do this.

Oh, and what if it still was?

Then we'd have our righteous president, Barry, and his law 'n order man, Eric H. Holder, Jr., bringing these perps to justice, right Ken? "

Yes, by sending them a strongly worded letter.

emmelemm April 21, 2011 at 12:21 am

A strongly worded e-mail form letter, natch.

yyyaz April 21, 2011 at 12:28 am

Funny, if you look at Barry in just the right light, he does look more than just a little bit Manchurian.

imissopus April 20, 2011 at 5:31 pm

I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy just doesn't work.

</Kent Brockman>

weejee April 20, 2011 at 6:02 pm

The Economist has a very good article on just that in general, and California in the particular. The problem of the referendumbs, lacking initiatives, and recalls that have essentially bankrupted the State. Pure democracy would be/is terrifying.

imissopus April 20, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Oh, I've lived in California for fourteen years so I've had a front-row seat to the Sartre-esque nightmare that is our state government. It's a shame, really, because once you get past the traffic, the overcrowded cities, the lousy schools, the impotent Legislature that couldn't govern a Lego model of Sacramento much less the real place, the real estate market that no one can afford to buy into, and the fact that Darrell Issa is a member of our congressional delegation, it's a great place to be.

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Don't forget the smog. When we left San Diego (a short time before you came to California), we marveled every day for months at the odd looking sky (blue) and the sharp clear horizon.

It finally dawned on us that we weren't seeing the brown, smucky haze in the sky, and that it wasn't just a freaky day after the Santa Ana wind blew all the gunk out to sea, but just a regular day with a sky just like in the picture books.

imissopus April 20, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Actually, the smog is one thing that has improved since I moved to L.A. When I first got here we'd have days where you couldn't see the hills at all even if you were only three or four miles away. I haven't seen a day like that in years.

That's not to say the sky is that deep blue on a regular basis, though. It's still got a rusty tinge much of the time, especially in summer.

zhubajie April 20, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Didn't The Economist cheer on the potato famine and mass starvation in Ireland, back during the last upsurge of Lib-tardism?

weejee April 20, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Yes, but that was in the day when the English anatomy texts showed the Irish had tails. In PC modern times those disgraceful illustrations have been exponged from the texts, likely in no small part due to the fact that those of us of Irish decent do a much better job of hiding them.

OhNoGuy April 20, 2011 at 10:30 pm

No, they were too busy eating the recently dead. The tasty, tasty dead. You must be thinking of someone else.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 20, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Not when the people with the most money can buy their access and shut down everything else. But, then again, that isn't democracy, that is that other thing.., what is it called…, plutocracy? Fascism? Something like that.

comrad_darkness April 20, 2011 at 10:55 pm

kleptocracy

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Kakistocracy.

roomfilledsmokemate April 20, 2011 at 5:32 pm

The whole tone of that 'newsletter' was cringe-inducing.. I could just see stupid people thinking, "this is a billionaire, and he's giving me advice!" There's too many people out there that honestly believe wealth denotes superiority.

DustBowlBlues April 20, 2011 at 6:50 pm

This is so sadly, bafflingly true. What is wrong with these people?

Or am I still shaken by my prop retard baby negatives?

slithytoves April 20, 2011 at 5:33 pm

This is when what my mother calls my "totally foul mouth" utterly fails me.

Rotundo_ April 20, 2011 at 5:33 pm

So much for humans being the apex predator anymore, we has dun met the enema, and he is a corporation.

__kth__ April 20, 2011 at 5:34 pm

How would they know who you voted for (unless a lot of your co-workers lived in the same neighborhood and they checked returns at the precinct level okay maybe that is a little scary)?

Swampgas_Man April 20, 2011 at 7:52 pm

They can't know exactly who you voted for, but they can take note of any political pamphlets, liberal conversations or bumper stickers you have and make a guess.

SayItWithWookies April 20, 2011 at 5:36 pm

It's a shame that we still have such medieval institutions as the secret ballot that betray the benificence of our good rich overlords like the Kochs. Why, they're required to pay all their employees equally and take it completely on faith that people do their bidding. How much longer are we going to let this injustice continue? Call your congressman now and tell him to vote for the Employer Full Disclosure Act, which mandates that all votes be disclosed to voters' corporate masters. In America today, everybody deserves to know where their money's going, right? Let's act to fix America people — before it's too late!

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:14 pm

Hear, hear! Those loyalty oaths and hidden cameras aren't going to pay for themselves, you know!

HedonismBot April 20, 2011 at 5:37 pm

"Legal experts interviewed for this story called the blatant corporate politicking highly unusual, although no longer skirting the edge of legality…"
"Unusual" is snow in June. This is insulting and frightening.

sati_demise April 20, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Will not be unusual from now on. The Koch bros lead the way, the rest follow.

surprised this is legal..so thanks for fucking up the BP oil volcano anniversary even more with this news

Lucidamente1 April 20, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Don't worry–once they try to corner the market on frozen orange juice futures they'll be screwed.

nounverb911 April 20, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Senator "Baggage handler #1" will save us.

elviouslyqueer April 20, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Quoth the Kochsuckers: If the government insists that someone should be paid $50 per hour in wages and benefits, but that person only creates $30 worth of value, no one will prosper for long….

But according to this logic, if someone like — say — David and Charles Koch are paid $44 billion and create $0 worth of value, they should be showered with tax cuts, unburdened with governmental regulations and oversight, and be given free reign to repeatedly anally rape actual "workers" with a red hot poker, amirite?

sati_demise April 20, 2011 at 7:45 pm

oh you are so right

GOPCrusher April 20, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Can you imagine the outrage if a Union told their members who to vote for?

arihaya April 20, 2011 at 5:53 pm

"Were their families tortured? "

no…. they're just forced to watch "Atlas Shrugged pt I" ,,, guarded by Teabaggers in hoverounds

sati_demise April 20, 2011 at 7:46 pm

in other words, tortured! to hell and back!

LeAlbatross April 20, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Ah, the Supreme Court, now a division of the GOP/KochCo. Off to drown my sorrows.

BZ1 April 20, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Uh, how is this voting taking place, by a show of hands? If someone told me how to vote on a secret ballot, I could fib outrageously and then just do what I pleased in the voting booth…

zhubajie April 20, 2011 at 7:49 pm

I was wondering the same thing. If I write in "Donald Duck" or "Long Dong Silver", how do they know it was me and not the doofus in the next cubicle? Are there cameras in the voting booths?

OhNoGuy April 20, 2011 at 10:38 pm

I have a feeling they'd know it was you. Because………. just because.

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:17 pm

"Uh, how is this voting taking place, by a show of hands? If someone told me how to vote on a secret ballot, I could fib outrageously and then just do what I pleased in the voting booth… "

That's what the office polygraph tests are for, doy!

MilwaukeeKent April 21, 2011 at 12:26 am

Well, a post on a web-site, a public record of political donations (has the $200 threshold given way? Lately I've been asked to name my employer for smaller donations), a letter to an editor…I'm sure the chosen such as the Brothers Koch wouldn't hesitate to check (pay some operative to track) their employee lists against these things. For the paid trolls here, the unions that "coerce" a vote from members (by an endorsement for instance) don't control your fate, such as your ability to put food on your family, as W said (he knew how hard that was, the Jello kept sliding off Laura) in quite the same way as your employer does.

I'm always bugged when I see anyone, left or right, say "Health care/Finance/big oil contributed X brazilion dollars to candidate Dork or candidate Thug" without putting it in context of the reporting requirements, Give the Kochs some grudging respect for restraint, they're not (yet) actually openly requiring that every employer give to candidate X.

Tundra Grifter April 20, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Even post-Citizens United, wouldn't the Koch Korporation have to report the letter as at least an in-kind campaign contribution?

OhNoGuy April 20, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Don't get all legalistic on us now, THE SUPREME COURT HAS SPOKEN!!

sportshort April 20, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Whew! For a minute there I thought the "people" were actually going to have a "say" in things. Oh and here's another lovely "fact": Corporations (now officially "a person") can live forever! I wanna be a corporation, too! Please?

Rotundo_ April 20, 2011 at 6:02 pm

That will be just after the Michigan styled "bidness manager" town bosses are installed, the state troopers staffing levels are octupled and they all have shiny new badges with Charlie, Dave and Scooter at different points of a triangle. And new brown uniforms and hats instead of the old blues… Ein Reich, Ein Volk, Three fucking stooges!

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum April 20, 2011 at 6:05 pm

So, hypothetically, could an employer require and employee to use an absentee ballot and
to show it to him before sending it?

Ken Layne April 20, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Yep. Common in the wingnut world of "small business." Seen it myself. Heard it myself, too.

In 1984, I was working as a panel truck driver delivering oil products to gas stations in the "back country" of San Diego/Imperial County (don't ask), and the pea-eyed owner/manager told us to bring in our absentee ballots or "bring in your uniforms." I reminded the cretin that I also wrote for the weekly paper there, and he shut up.

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum April 21, 2011 at 11:55 am

Interesting. So do you think he shut up because he felt he was doing something illegal, or just because publicity about his practice would be bad for business?

Extemporanus April 20, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Koch early and Koch often!

Barb April 20, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Well, I have to say this somewhere and it might as well be here.
This isn't about my p-rating anymore. It was fun while it lasted. The downfisters went to Papa Johns and Huggies and asked for ads to be pulled from Wonkette. There is a big Twitter slam going on right now. The Trig thread has been molested to death. I've lost well over 200 P points today and Sorosbot is over in the Trig thread and his posts are being completely disrespected. Google "Wonkette Papa Johns" and you will see it. The place is crawling right now with downfisters.

weejee April 20, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Ouch! Time to lock & load our keyboards.

Barb April 20, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Go over to the post and look what has happened. The trolls took over.

weejee April 20, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Just got back from upfisting ours and down fisting theirs. That said I was glad to see many of our posts were still in positive territory. But they were ones that were a hair more subtle than FUCK YOU REDNECK so the teatards clicked the wrong clickie.

Mumbletypeg April 20, 2011 at 6:17 pm

The higher you climb, the harder you fall I guess? High scorers are more visible.
I've worn myself out counter-fisting the hellswarms that are making weak retributive remarks over Trig Libel. Again as others earlier mentioned, if enough of us go over there and put in a few thumbs worth, couldn't hurt.

natoslug April 20, 2011 at 6:45 pm

There is no there there. At least, no longer any comments there. I'm disappointed. THIS IS JUST LIKE THE BATAAN DEATH MARCH ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!1!!!IONE!ELEVENTY11111!!!!

user-of-owls April 20, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Pete Hoekstra, is that you?!

natoslug April 20, 2011 at 7:41 pm

YOR REPLY IS JUST LIKE MANISCHEWITZ ALL OVER AGEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

errr, sorry, I'm a bit twitchy today.

PuckStopsHere April 21, 2011 at 12:40 am

Have I mentioned Hoekstra is no longer in congress? I did? Really? But…you can still see his mudflaps all over the state, tho. He runs a trucking supply biz. They are even on those socialist SCHOOL BUSES!!!

ttommyunger April 20, 2011 at 6:23 pm

I would enjoy your posts if you were in negative territory. Am I missing something here. Are you folks getting checks in the mail based on P values? Shit, just my luck.

V572..whatever April 20, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Oh, you didn't get yours? Oops — it's probably the fault of your unionized letter carrier.

ttommyunger April 20, 2011 at 6:50 pm

No, no its just me. Nobody tells me a fucking thing. The unionized letter carrier is prolly taking a shit in your yard right about now.

V572..whatever April 20, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Ha ha ha! I usta be one them guys. Always found a bathroom, though.

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 7:16 pm

"Nobody tells me a fucking thing."

Story of my life. In fairness, I am hearing impaired in the voice frequencies which is, sadly, often very handy. Maybe people tell me everything and I don't know it. From my reading of the news, I am not missing much.

finallyhappy April 20, 2011 at 6:53 pm

that is what I say- what the hell do P numbers mean? Shit, not even a free discount t-shirt

ttommyunger April 20, 2011 at 8:24 pm

I guess if ignorance were bliss, you and I would be in ecstasy.

PuckStopsHere April 21, 2011 at 12:43 am

You're a 100+ pee point guy. You can put that on your CV. I can't say the same. This, you see, makes you the better man. That's the point. I'm going back to watching the hockey game I am currently pirating off of the internet.

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 7:40 pm

i certainly hope there wasn't money involved: the not-so-breitbarts really didn't like my Life Goes On reference. -38? lol.

ttommyunger April 20, 2011 at 8:27 pm

My Motto: Fuck-em if they can't take a joke!

comrad_darkness April 20, 2011 at 9:06 pm

That would be the definition of "conservative."

Change? OMFG, I'm going to shit my pants in fear!@!!!@@!

zhubajie April 20, 2011 at 7:50 pm

I'm not even sure what a P value is; I just bloviate at random to make myself feel good.

ttommyunger April 20, 2011 at 8:28 pm

You and I, sir/ma'am, are in the same water-borne vehicle.

comrad_darkness April 20, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Me too. Frankly, my p was never this high before the trolls. So, whatevers.

EdFlintstone April 20, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Wow we're all in the negative on that post. No biggie, Wonkette was better before the P-ness anyway.

roomfilledsmokemate April 21, 2011 at 1:49 am

Yeah, who gives a shit about pee?

DustBowlBlues April 20, 2011 at 6:32 pm

My good heavens. People usually find my the look-I-didn't-abort-this-retard-prop baby quip to be full of feel-good hilarity, not to mention bonhomie. I got 30+ negative pees. Memzilla really did it though, offending Faux News. How did Ken let this happen? I don't want those people infecting "my" the wonket like bed bugs or head lice. Bed bugs and head lice devoid of a sense of humor, I might add.

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 7:18 pm

"Bed bugs and head lice devoid of a sense of humor, I might add. "

And intelligence.

I agree with you. Must stop the infestation. Quick, Ken, the Flit!

trumpbly_joe April 20, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Man, I managed to it neg 66pees, just by pointing out that Saints Rusbo and Laura have said plenty of nasty things, and also that using one's words is still less vile than trying to repeal the ADA, Medicare, and Social Security, which are all things disabled people who aren't the children of millionaire fameballs, need to actually live.

Rotundo_ April 20, 2011 at 6:57 pm

The thread is gone now, Since the Breitbarties are screwing with advertisers over this maybe it's about time someone at intense debate started factoring how *negative* a person is by negative peeing on a large quantity of people on a blog they don't post on. Or even better yet, nuke the stupid pee thing outright, since it is completely useless (Not even as a bad joke anymore) feature. Wonkette didn't gain much from it, save for the novelty of it in the beginning, except a reason to freak when the trolls drop by. Fuck the pee system, Fuck trolls, and most sincerely fuck Andrew Breitbart. (figuratively, of course).

comrad_darkness April 20, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Send them a feedback with this. Couldn't hurt.

"figuratively, of course"

Yeah, cuz, gross!

Nothingisamiss April 21, 2011 at 8:59 am

What, are you kidding?! My p may be the only thing I have after this apocolypse?!

natoslug April 20, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Oh good, we can post again over there, just no old comments. I just threw myself out there to get my p sucked off by trolls. It's a good thing I already got my p-check for the month.

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 7:00 pm

I just went back to that article to see what is going on. It says there are 307 comments, but there aren't any showing. It says "be the first to comment." Who/how did that? is it a good thing, done to stop attacks on our p-ness? Or is it an attack that somehow stole all our comments?

And why do we have to have this type of thing anyway? It sounds nice in theory; becoming known across intense debate sites and so on, finding like-minded people, occasionally perhaps voicing a polite disagreement with someone's point of view.

But if we (or anyone) is going to be repeatedly hijacked by infantile sociopaths who mindlessly downfist as often as possible, because they are incapable of accepting or discussing other points of view in a rational manner (it is possible to do so, I have seen Wonketters occasionally disagree with each other, politely and in a civil manner) causing the other side to rise up and upfist to help their unjustly attacked friends, it just gets stupid. That is not "intense debate." That is a jackassy waste of everyone's time that would actually like to contribute to whatever discourse they find congenial to their point of view.

Can Ken (or whoever takes care of these things) take away the up/down fist feature? Or can Intense debate figure out a way to prevent the ill-intended from hijacking and abusing the system?

As for Huggies/Papa John's, oh well. Hopefully Wonkette can do a nice article showing how they intentionally pulled their advertising from a site that has pointed out repeatedly how Palin has abused little Trig and treated him as nothing more than a prop. Why do they not care care about how Trig is treated?

Ken Layne April 20, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Hello comrades!

We turned off the comments there. Nobody good was using them anyways.

Nobody cares about the cow-demon Sarah Palin abusing her baby by turning it into an elephant-suited political rally prop. What they care about is a handful of *very loyal* chain pizza customers complaining for a day. I've been at this nonsense for 15 years, on the Internet, and the only thing I can tell you is that the Internet has no short term memory. So, ignore it, and shortly the cow-demons will be back to ignoring Wonkette. As our one true god ALLAH intended.

As for the P points, the Intense Debate system works *pretty well* most of the time in terms of blocking spam, blocking trolls, and automatically approving the comments made by those who have been "approved" by the commenter community, if that makes any sense at all. It works better than any other system I've used in the many years I've been fielding comments on the Internet.

That said, if we're having a lot of people not seeing their posts appear here because of trolls/pig-demons intentionally trying to poop on our pleasant town of literate drunks, I guess I have to look for another (final) solution. So is this the case? Is anyone actually unable to post comments because of the "p score" nonsense?

Barb April 20, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Thanks for the update.

emmelemm April 20, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Thanks for the update, and I believe that's why my early comment said "You guys are in for it now (but well done anyways)!"

Took a while for the downfisting humorless a-holes to show up, but show up they did.

weejee April 20, 2011 at 8:17 pm

I see from over Slate, that you've given Jack a few hale merrys and our fetas to do as penance. Can we send him files in cakes through the intertubes to make his escape?

natoslug April 20, 2011 at 8:28 pm

If can't comment, should we post it in a comment to you? Yes, I have been drinking. How could you tell?

Goonemeritus April 20, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Nope all good here… thank you sir may I have another.

dox[acted] April 20, 2011 at 8:53 pm

Ain't no thing. I like the comment functions–and honestly, the public feedback encourages me to up my funny game while to keeping my natural didactic bore asshole tendencies in check.

comrad_darkness April 20, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Are cow demons some part of the Hindu pantheon that I am unaware of??

natl_indecency_cmdr April 20, 2011 at 9:12 pm

"pleasant town of literate drunks"

once again you have crystallized my thoughts eloquently.

howdy [hic] neighborinos!

user-of-owls April 20, 2011 at 10:23 pm

All told, I am actually pretty fond of the pee. It provides for a measure of peer evaluation and the peers here are pretty damn righteous. Of course, there's the hanky-panky of serial down-fistulae, though frankly I get more agitated by pathetically lame regulars who are inconceivably rewarded for embarrassing inanity, i.e., BLOOD LIBEL for every fucking post. So be it. We know who brings game and who is a p-cunt; we know who's here for the long haul and who brings the new talent. I am utterly monogamous with Wonkette and on those rare occasions that I stray into other yards, I'm utterly dumbfounded. People still actually say, "First!"? I'm just gonna stay here in this safe, intelligent and hilarious ecosystem, thank you very much. And pee? I think it was the great philosopher Ernie who once said, "P is P!"

PuckStopsHere April 21, 2011 at 12:47 am

You sir or madam have just managed to BLOOD LIBEL BLOOD LIBEL. This has to be a Wonkett record of some sort.

roomfilledsmokemate April 21, 2011 at 4:14 am

I admit recently I just had to try one of those really old and stale "you know who else" blah blah blah…? to see the creative responses. As far as commenting on other sites, every now and then I like to enrage the dopes on azcentral, where every thread's first comment is either 'First!' or some racist bigoted right-wing garbage.

schvitzatura April 21, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Mixed emotions, buddy. Like John Schnatter going off a cliff in his black and gold Camaro…

Cicada April 20, 2011 at 7:05 pm

This is why I hate the stupid fucking p score/fisting system. It's just a tool to get people to click more and generate revenue. You get people invested in your meaningless metric, and they'll spend more time commenting, refreshing, and clicking those little Pavlovian thumbs. I'd rather have Wonketteers posting funny comments than clicking thumbs.
Also, it's allowed for this utterly chickenshit form of trolling, which is extremely successful since almost every single Wonkette thread has some comments devoted to the trolls.Every time we devote energy to those dipshits, they get what they want.

Fuck the p-score and the thumbs! They've made Wonkette a less fun place.

CapnFatback April 20, 2011 at 7:15 pm

which is extremely successful since almost every single Wonkette thread has some comments devoted to the trolls.

I've never, ever understood why people mention that the Downfist Troll is present. All that ever does is ensure future visits.

I have to confess that I've never been comfortable with the Trig posts, as often comments go beyond the ironic or no longer focus on Sarah as the subject of scorn. That may make me a bit of a prude as things go, but it just goes to show that too often a good "retard joke" is hard to dismiss.

I'm also sorry to say that I never considered those posts as an opportunity for the simulacra at Breibart to try to pull an O'Keefe at Wonkette. Their mock righteousness is amusing, in that it is poorly enacted.

Cicada April 20, 2011 at 7:36 pm

I agree, mentioning the trolls pretty much guarantees a return. I've made a couple of jokes about the trolls in the past, but the obsession with p-scores and downfisting has become so prevalent it's not fun anymore.

The idea of trying to shut down Wonkette over that post is pretty silly. But the spasms of outrage are fun to watch.

It just occurred to me: Jack Stuef just trolled the wingnut blogosphere.

CapnFatback April 20, 2011 at 7:42 pm

My glee is in assuming that Ken & Jack have a suitable response brewing.

Mumbletypeg April 20, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Thank. You. Both.
The more time I spend reading people's daily [as opposed to this recent] downfister' invectives the more I miss the old format. It's just as easy to silently click a thumb to offset a dipping score of a comrade and continue if must need be. What's not needed is saying anything and creating off-topic clutter.

comrad_darkness April 20, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Trig posts don't bother me, because I know Trig (due to his aptly named Tri-G) doesn't care.

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Hear, hear.

Wonkette has about the best commenters, or commenting style, anywhere (I'm sure many of us comment elsewhere in a more acceptable to gramma-coming-home-from-church/temple/mosque/poker style).

I would rather read all my favorite Wonketeers witty, snarky, sarcastic, satirical, ironical, and just plain ol' raunchy comments on the latest article than have us all wasting our time on people who are. not. worth. the. effort.

PS I ah, um, upfisted you anyway. Seeing that it is the system currently in place.

PuckStopsHere April 21, 2011 at 12:51 am

It is Pavlovian, isn't it? I find myself looking for the little thumb thingy sometimes when I am reading The Detroit Free Press and it's not there and then I have a sad.

LowProfileinGA April 20, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Write Papa Johns. I did: (http://www.papajohns.com/customer/feedbackform.shtm)

"Pulling your ad from Wonkette was, I believe, a knee-jerk reaction. Familiarize yourselves with the blog. It is graceless and tasteless, but it speaks the truth to power in a unique and powerful manner.

The child was (ab)used as a prop throughout the campaign.

Those who did that to him, put him on stage, are the ones who should be castigated.

Thanks for the opportunity to express myself to you."

Barb April 20, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Wow, great job! Thanks LowProfileinGA, you are awesome!

user-of-owls April 20, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Time to get back to our roots. This is a WARBLOG!

Every minute we stay in this blog we get weaker. And every minute Breitie squats on a thumb he gets stronger.

user-of-owls April 20, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Wait, what? Were you at 320 p-willikers yesterday? Now you're not just being an orchid dearie.

Barb April 20, 2011 at 7:55 pm

I'm turning into a dandelion.

weejee April 20, 2011 at 8:20 pm

They spread more quickly than orchids and some penguins are fond of them.

Barb April 20, 2011 at 8:44 pm

Did you see the youtube video of the laughing penguin? You HAVE to watch it! Sound ON http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fbt1fVfi-g
That's the sound I am going to make when I see Limey Lizzie and take her out for drinks and dinner.

GuyClinch April 20, 2011 at 8:02 pm

*yawn* Yeah so I just woke up, anything going on in wonkette-town?

natl_indecency_cmdr April 20, 2011 at 9:17 pm

nah, nothin' much. just a bunch of, you know, stuff. whatever. it's too, just, you know. just, yeah.

dox[acted] April 20, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Oh to hell with that. Pee is fleeting, flaming is forever. Besides, no one talks to Sorosbot that way.

*parachutes in*

SorosBot April 20, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Thank you then.

SorosBot April 20, 2011 at 10:26 pm

It was fun tangling with the idiots for a bit, but man that invasion was insanely huge. And they said pretty much exactly the same thing; the brownshirts really do just march in lockstep when given their orders. I do miss some of our snarky replies to their trolling, but damn that got uncontrollable.

I am surprised our p-scores have remained intact for now.

Barb April 20, 2011 at 10:35 pm

I went looking for you Soros and it was like a whole other world in there, truly scary.

thescoots April 21, 2011 at 8:35 am

get used to it, libtard…..and you can ask Jack Off Stuff how that child-bashing is working out for him right now……

ThundercatHo April 21, 2011 at 9:20 am

Oh fuck, you again? Go away and leave us alone. Don't you have some Walmart shoppers to greet or something.

EdFlintstone April 20, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Is every commenter on that site a freeper? This one is my favorite though.

"Commentator, you are an idiot. Do you think Nickolaus was manually tallying votes? She was uploading data and screwed up. After the ommiccion was caught, the data was audited".

natl_indecency_cmdr April 20, 2011 at 6:31 pm

you read comments on websites?

i once had a data where my ommiccion got caught in an audi.

Ken Layne April 20, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Yes, every commenter on almost every website is a mouth-breathing maxed-out millionaire-worshiping fantasist. We are spoiled here at Wonkette, very spoiled indeed.

HistoriCat April 20, 2011 at 11:03 pm

This is the real reason for Ken's continuance of the white elephant known as Wonkette – too time-consuming/costly to live, too damn smart to give up.

Guppy06 April 20, 2011 at 6:10 pm

I'd be real curious to know how much was spent on this campaign per person.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 20, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Until someone in the Democratic Party starts calling for a Constitutional Amendment to reverse the court on this whole "Money and Business are People" bullshit, this is what we will have to put up with. Why the Democrats can't stand up for this, when the Republicans have been shouting for a balanced budget amendment and an amendment outlawing abortion for thirty years, I have no idea.

zhubajie April 20, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Because the Dems and the Reps are the same, like the pigs and the farmers in Animal Farm.

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:27 pm

People aren't persons.
Corporations and fetuses are persons.
Got it now?

x111e7thst April 20, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Koch goes in, Santorum comes out. Who will distinguish a difference?

metamarcisf April 20, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Never a miscommunication!

weejee April 20, 2011 at 6:15 pm

OT

Some good labor newz today. The NLRB ruled for the Machinists and against the Lazy B (Boeing).

DustBowlBlues April 20, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Until the Supreme Court overrules it. How many years has it been since the Labor Board found in favor of a union, though. That's a good thing.

emmelemm April 20, 2011 at 8:35 pm

Holy Moly, it's like pigs are flyin'. But yeah, only until the Supreme Court overturns it.

Marginally on/off topic, a friend of mine worked for Northwest Airlines before they merged with Delta, NWA being unionized for flight attendants and Delta being non-unionized. There was a "company-wide" vote as to whether the resulting, merged company should have unionized flight attendants or not, and the tactics Delta pulled in swaying the vote were, well, Koch-alicious. My friend was involved in trying to get the NLRB to step in somehow, but I don't think it got very far.

deanbooth April 20, 2011 at 6:24 pm

"According to my dictionary," said Morgan Hunter, President and CEO of Merriam-Webster, Inc., "a corporation is an association of individuals having a continuous existence independent of the existences of its members and granted the full rights of personhood by the Constitution."

ttommyunger April 20, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Preachers have been pulling this shit out in the open for years and that is clearly illegal. The Kochounds are just doing their thing. I'm anxious to see how it works out for them.

HedonismBot April 20, 2011 at 6:31 pm

What exactly does Kock Industries do? How did the Kocks make their fortune?

LowProfileinGA April 20, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Inherited it.

zhubajie April 20, 2011 at 7:56 pm

They inherited it.

sati_demise April 20, 2011 at 8:12 pm

big oil & government contracts…. usual shit

weejee April 20, 2011 at 9:08 pm

The bro were born on third base and got their monies from their dad, and John Birch Society co-founder (no shit), Fred Koch. Freddie was a chem engineer who went to the Sam Houston Institute of Technolgy Rice and MIT and got an early patent on using thermal cracking to break heavier oil down into lighter compounds used in gasoline. Almost makes me want to burn my chem degree.

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:28 pm

How is fortune formed?

DustBowlBlues April 20, 2011 at 6:33 pm

You used the magic toxic word, "think". They don't.

tonyknuckles April 20, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Looks like lots of homo crowdsourcing going on here. Will all you buttmunches move to Venezuala when we patriots take back the presidency?

Please say you will!!

DashboardBuddha April 20, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Welcome! Would you like a sandwich?

…a knuckle sandwich?

El Pinche April 20, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Nice spam site..
I'm Anthony and I've been blogging for over four years and have been using multiple social networks during this time. I will give my honest opinion while reviewing your product. I'm a dad of 4, 2 boys ages 13 and 10, and 2 girls ages 8 and 6. We live in southwestern Florida and have many interests including cooking, swimming, biking, playing outdoors, video gaming, and movies. I love to share great new products with my readers. If you have a product that you'd like help promoting, feel free to contact me. A non returnable sample is required as I {or my family} actually use the product and test it out.

I hope you like spam , too. Hahaha

roomfilledsmokemate April 20, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Will he review the bouquet of a flaming bag of shit?

natl_indecency_cmdr April 20, 2011 at 9:20 pm

dear god he's spawned? 4 times? someone call social services!

finallyhappy April 20, 2011 at 6:54 pm

You wouldn't know what real patriotism is if it bit you in your big fat butt. Patriotism to people like you means hatred and bigotry.

Mark81150 April 23, 2011 at 12:03 am

What the Hell makes you think you understand anything about it?
'''
During the Bush years regressives made it plain they hated patriotism with the flame of pure righteous socialism.. I mean how dare anyone actually wanna defend this country..

but strangely.. people do, and reportedly, they vote republican and think your average prog is on crack..at least they act as if their brain cells are misfiring. May explain why the left couldn't hold on to their glorious peoples victory after 08..

something about them sucking,.. or sidelining the jobs they promised while paying back their enterest groups in government unions.

Mark81150 April 23, 2011 at 12:29 am

so are they going to censor all my future comments..

Mark81150 April 23, 2011 at 12:34 am

three attempts to post, all deleted by admin..

the link I could understand, the other..?

I've never been censored by any conservative site, now three in one day from a leftwing one?

what's the matter.. is it certain words? or just about me being tagged a conservative who doesn't speak like your sterotype version?

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 7:08 pm

You are a typical right wing constitution-hating (not that you have any idea what is in it) cretin. You are not a patriot. Your ilk hates everything that made America great.

True American patriots voted in 2008 to take back the presidency and we did.

Un-American, unpatriotic, uneducated, ignorant bottom feeders like you need to realize that real Americans have no intention of letting you and yours finish destroying this country as you have tried so hard to do.

ArmoredBore April 20, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Yes! We're the self-hating Americans! How may we be of service?

Mark81150 April 23, 2011 at 12:27 am

Uh huh……

Been there, done that, took back the country from the inbred mouthbreathing left in 1980.. and re-enforced that historic stomping in 84.

and as for ignorant bottom feeders.. check your six.. friendlies on your six.

ChurchofRealism April 20, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Oooohh, a new troll. Let's play with it before it gets eated.

MinAgain April 20, 2011 at 8:06 pm

May I suggest dodgeball?

ArmoredBore April 21, 2011 at 1:44 pm

How about Disc Wars or Light Cycle?

Wait, potentially tubby guy/gal in a skin-tight light suit. Scratch that.

How about dodgewrench instead?

ArmoredBore April 20, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Homo crowdsourcing? I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds hawt. I think I'm getting palpitations just imagining…

dox[acted] April 20, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Homopedia?

fuflans April 20, 2011 at 7:42 pm

oh mr. knuckles,

you wil need a better game if you want to play here.

LowProfileinGA April 20, 2011 at 9:04 pm

Nice touch, I must say.

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 7:54 pm

"Will all you buttmunches hippie faggots move to Venezuala when we patriots take back ravage the presidency America back to the stone age?"

roomfilledsmokemate April 20, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Take back the presidency for whom? The obscenely wealthy corporate-owning class you will never be a part of? Calling yourself a fucking 'patriot' and voting against your own interests won't get you any closer to your feeble-minded wet dream of having piles of Koch money, dipshit. The only thing you will ever be CEO of is your own stupid ass.

dox[acted] April 20, 2011 at 8:06 pm

I actually thought this was sarcastic and hilarious. Now I know what conservatives who love Colbert because they think he's being sincere feel like.

(+1 if for nothing else than I haven't heard "buttmunch" in forEVER!)

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Yeah, I think my then teenage sons thought buttmunch was awesome in like, the mid-90's.

Cicada April 20, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Homo crowdsourcing is the bomb-diggity. I know it's not the pedo crowdsourcing that you prefer, but we like it!

Ken Layne April 20, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Homophobic projecting much?

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Yes, why do they always seem to drag the ghey into the conversation? Do actual gay people think about gay sex that much?

weejee April 20, 2011 at 9:14 pm

we patriots take back the presidency

Nine times out of ten this is the kinda remark is made by a chickhawk. So on behalf of all my fellow vets at Wonkette please consider yourself called a poopyhead.

user-of-owls April 20, 2011 at 9:53 pm

And too of the non-vets who love our vets who call poopyheads poopyheads. Huzzah!

comrad_darkness April 20, 2011 at 10:15 pm

These are the patriots that can't win a presidential election without the supreme court intervening, or without filtering votes though an RNC server and then assassinating the webmaster before he can testify? By patriot, I assume you mean the undermining democracy, banana republic sort.

DahBoner April 20, 2011 at 10:56 pm

AMERICA: LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT.

When are you fucking leaving, asshole?

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Unoriginal troll is unoriginal.

tonyknuckles April 20, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Weird Wednesday – Guess Who’s Got Dirty Hair http://bit.ly/59rz1W

weejee April 20, 2011 at 9:17 pm

American Woman?

iburl April 20, 2011 at 6:44 pm

If corporations are people, then they should be dissolved in less than 100 years, just like a person. The Founding fathers also believed in limited lifespans for corporate entities. That being said, Corporations are not people and deserve nothing.

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 7:17 pm

but what should they be dissolved in?

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 7:30 pm

People should be dissolved in their favorite beverage. Corporations should be dissolved in battery acid. Or their corporate officers should. The experience would be wasted on the incorporation papers themselves.

AJW@[redacted] April 20, 2011 at 8:53 pm

santorum

Rotundo_ April 20, 2011 at 6:44 pm

The fun bit, and rest fully assured that this will happen, is that these sorts of human sacks of feces will be combing donation records to see who YOU are donating to and acting accordingly. It's going to get a whole lot more interesting before this thing settles down or we all become their property.

Callyson April 20, 2011 at 6:47 pm

From The Nation's article…the letter that the Koch employees got includes this gem:
“The following candidates in your state are supported by Koch companies and KOCHPAC, the political action committee for Koch companies."
KOCHPAC? Sounds like a gay men's porno…

MinAgain April 20, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Or a fancy athletic supporter.

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:35 pm

New Wonderjock [tm], created by Kochpac.

DustBowlBlues April 20, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Maybe they'll take out advertising, not realizing the perfect irony, of course, to replace *Papa John's.

Papa John's? Did they advertise on the wonket? Or did they just tell the t'baggers they withdrew their (fake) advertising to make those crazies happy?

EdFlintstone April 20, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Guess I ate my last PJ pizza and I don't need Huggies, yet. I googled that and seems everytime(going back since the 2008 election) theres a post about Trig, the RW sites get their panties in a bunch. See I just said the T word and got donuted.

You could be right DBB, just like Boehner did 38 billion in (largely)imaginary cuts.

CalamityJames April 21, 2011 at 12:04 am

Fuck the tardling.

And her retarded kid.

V572..whatever April 20, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Thus spake the Koch:

"Anything that undermines the mobility of labor, such as policies that make it more expensive and difficult to change where people are employed, also increases unemployment…. Similar policies that distort the labor market—such as minimum wage laws and mandated benefits—contribute to unemployment."

Quit asking for all those mobility-undermining benefits, you whiny, lazy "workers." You're the ones creating unemployment! Finally someone has the courage to say it: it's your own goddamn fault if you don't have a job.

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Oh! So they support Medicare for all/universal health care to enable workers to move easily to different jobs to better themselves, or even (!), to leave cubicle world for entrepreneurial opportunities, without having to fear losing health care for themselves and their families?

Well, color me shocked!

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Shorter: "Everything except corporate deregulation and massive tax cuts to corporations creates unemployment".

LowProfileinGA April 20, 2011 at 7:28 pm
Barb April 20, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Thanks for posting the link, LowProfileinGA. i just wrote to them and pointed out that surely, the knew what Wonkette was about when they signed up to place ads on the site.

natoslug April 20, 2011 at 8:14 pm

What I find interesting (well, this and sex and breasts and beer and pretty much everything else) is that obviously nobody attacking the Trig article bothered to actually read it. Yes, it uses Trig as a prop, but really it is just another Sarah Palin article. Contrary to what Weigel(ing around in excrement) says, Jack's "retarded" reference was actually a link to a Levi Johnston video describing how Sarah Palin constantly refers to Trig as retarded. And yes, it was a bit tasteless, or would be if Trig's mother hadn't used him as a prop. But to completely miss the sarcasm employed in the post is really fucking retard… ah, shit — is really fucking clueless. Now, if they want to attack Jack for helping continue to keep Sarah Palin in the spotlight, more power to them. That herpetic anal blister's 15 minutes cannot be over too soon.

And I posted it over on the Trig article, but I think the trolls over there really lend credence to this whole idea of FTD (no, it's not all about flowers, dammit!): http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42644787/ns/health-ag

MadBrahms April 20, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Just ask them to "hold the Koch" on your next order.

Zvi_Bleindmeis April 20, 2011 at 7:30 pm

Sometimes we forget: it's a traditional Chinese curse.

Jerri April 20, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Exactly. I guess on the plus side, the way things are going many of us won't have to experience that Swiftian curse, "May you live all the days of your life."

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 7:33 pm

"I don't like living in interesting times. "

Yeah. Sniffle. Me neither.

Swampgas_Man April 20, 2011 at 7:46 pm

These times don't interest me much.

fuflans April 20, 2011 at 7:49 pm

whenever I see a koch story i think of that line from one of the 'lord of the rings' movies: the age of men is over. The age of the orc is about to begin.

di_da_is_alpha April 20, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Off topic, but did you know that Ken Layne referred to a bunch of my wonkette brothers and sister as "cretins." Have a look …..

/// "But seriously, I have four kids myself and I wouldn't want them mocked on the Internet by a bunch of cretins on the Internet. " //// http://search.yahoo.com/r/_ylt=A0oGdXAxc69NdQwAm3

Ken Layne April 20, 2011 at 8:13 pm

hhahahahah

natoslug April 20, 2011 at 8:17 pm

I AM NO CURTAIN, DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 8:40 pm

but i do match the drapes.

Cicada April 20, 2011 at 8:33 pm

Oh my, your clever subterfuge has totally sucked me in. BURN KEN LAYNE, BURN HIM!!! RABBLE RABBLE!!!!

By the way, the problem is that we'll actually click and read the whole post. Context is a beautiful thing.

Goonemeritus April 20, 2011 at 8:44 pm

You know what else is off topic…. You’re a poopy-head.

LowProfileinGA April 20, 2011 at 9:09 pm

That is not what Ken said. Your post itself shows that. Please don't reward the trolls.

EdFlintstone April 20, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Di Da, you seem kind of new but it is sooooooooo nice to have a "brother" like you, telling us how mean Ken is. I'm sure you're aware of the Wonkette initiation ceremony, where you have the mouth(yours) on cock(ours) sex with all the guy wonketters. So *ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipppppppppppp* *thud* (shut up, I can dream) now get crackin sparky and NO spitting.

weejee April 20, 2011 at 9:23 pm

duh-di-da-doo has been here before. He's fond of PedoBear.

di_da_is_alpha April 21, 2011 at 2:57 am

I actually go back a bit further than that. I followed metamarcist here from Breitbart, and was just going to leave after reading a few comments, but then this one caught my eye…. http://wonkette.com/426603/heres-a-sneak-preview-

Nothing but love on wonkette, and you guys only disparage the woman, not her son, right? I think my comment was on page 2.

When are you people going to wake up to the fact that humans are self serving? There's nothing wrong with it, it's natural. We only form societies because, to a point, it is beneficial for the individual. However, once society outweighs the individual in importance, that society will fail. The colony taking precedence over the individual may work in the insect world, but not in the world us humans.

di_da_is_alpha April 21, 2011 at 2:02 am

No, I didn't go through that ceremony, and don't believe I will. Sounds like you enjoyed your initiation though.

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:39 pm

It's no great surprise that your brothers and sisters are cretins. That's usually what happens when your parents are brother and sister.

poncho_pilot April 21, 2011 at 2:09 am

and like The Ramones said:
http://youtu.be/IcmDhG0YhgI

MinAgain April 20, 2011 at 8:03 pm

Wait until they get really interesting.

dox[acted] April 20, 2011 at 8:03 pm

When I fire you for exercising your right to expression and self-representation, it's OK because I'm just exercising my right to expression and self-representation. Make sense?

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:39 pm

Of course, because in Koch/teabag world, freedom means the freedom to control others.

Beetagger April 20, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Who did Ben and Jerry tell their employees to vote for? Koch Sucker Krunch?

floydrturbo April 20, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Even if they "forced" people to vote how can they confirm it? We have secret ballots. Unions "force" this shit on their members. I'm sure Lefties would love to have open voting so you could enforce voting regulations, but those secrecy laws protect you from the Koch Bros.

Not only do you hate retarded kids… you seem to be retarded yourself.

El Pinche April 20, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Hey I flew an A-10 before…best tank destroyer socialism can buy. Thank me for the page view (not with a blow job or salad toss, though) . …retard.

Cicada April 20, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Why do you use the word "retarded" as a pejorative bad thing? Is it because you hate Trig?

*Edited for assumed reading level.

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 11:57 pm

I'm in a union and you lie. And are obviously stupid, too.

Gratuitous World April 20, 2011 at 8:22 pm

the essence of democracy: 1 executive. 50,000 votes.

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 8:39 pm

"the essence of democracy: 1 executive. 50,000 volts."

pinkocommi April 20, 2011 at 8:51 pm

My boss' asking me to sleep with him involves speech, too, but that doesn't mean it can't be regulated by the state as sexual harassment. Not sure who those "legal experts" were who were consulted for the story. Maybe they ask their underlings to sleep with them all the time and think they have First Amendment protections.

comrad_darkness April 20, 2011 at 8:52 pm

Oh come on, Amway used to force their employees to donate to the candidates of the owners' choice. Votes? This is piker-level crap.

Dagney77 April 20, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Hey libs! How does George Soro's ass taste?

Cicada April 20, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Not as good as your mom's!

LowProfileinGA April 20, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Oh, goody! Another troll to tease!

Be nice, and you won't get your widdle feelings hurt.

weejee April 20, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Yes, another Kochsucker even if s/he knows it or not.

Barb April 20, 2011 at 9:15 pm

It tastes like Papa John's pizza!

Cicada April 20, 2011 at 9:16 pm

So, like shit and old diapers?

EdFlintstone April 20, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Who is George Soro?

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Zorro?

El Pinche April 20, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Someone's sister-mom forgot to teach possessive forms. A meth house is never a good place for home-schooling.

imissopus April 20, 2011 at 10:20 pm

Like a fetus smoothie!

El Pinche April 20, 2011 at 10:26 pm

I love Very Berry Fetus with the cherry on top.

ChessieNefercat April 21, 2011 at 12:01 am

"Hey libs! How does George Soro's ass taste? "

Um, was this supposed to be witty? Because it's not.

slowhansolo April 22, 2011 at 1:39 am

Lol, "Dagney."

Tell Hank Rearden I said "blow me."

comrad_darkness April 20, 2011 at 10:52 pm

Given that conservatives who stumble in here are incapable of humor due to lack of brain function. Can intensedebate add a handicap sticker to their avatars so they can be pitied properly for their utter lack of cluefulness and their boorish, anti-social behavior (within the norms of the social structure of Wonkette, that is.)

Come on, what kind of an asshole do you need to stand out as a glaring asshole around here? Really.

tessiee April 20, 2011 at 11:04 pm

"Oh, Ashley, nothing's turned out the way I expected!"

nounverb911 April 20, 2011 at 11:14 pm

"As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again. "

Scarlett O'Hara

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 11:34 pm

I just don't want to end up wearing my curtains. (Best Carol Burnett sketch ever.)

ThundercatHo April 21, 2011 at 8:36 am

At least you have curtains. We just have blinds. I miss the Carol Burnett show, too.

Toomush_Infer April 21, 2011 at 12:05 pm

That could be alternatively awkward…

DaRooster April 21, 2011 at 12:23 am

I would gladly volunteer to punch them… can anyone put me there? Wherever there is… should I just wait at the gates of DIA? Should be any minute now.

PuckStopsHere April 21, 2011 at 1:02 am

Yeah, but at least you know you're free.

Warpde April 21, 2011 at 1:19 am

What?
Kocks have a Kockhold on employees?
Sounds like a circle jerk to me.
This is all so Kockfussing.

thescoots April 21, 2011 at 8:33 am

typical nutless, brainless liberal lies…..Koch Brothers do something most liberals are incapable of doing…They hire people with jobs. You know those avocations-for-pay that your parents had in order to feed you and develop your liberal little mind? Twenty years can't come soon enough for the light bulb to illuminate between your ears.

CapnFatback April 21, 2011 at 10:56 am

They hire people with jobs.

It would be far more helpful if they hired only those people without jobs.

El Pinche April 21, 2011 at 11:38 am

Ha! That was too easy.
*sigh* Where have all the good trolls gone?

ttommyunger April 21, 2011 at 9:04 am

Thank you for taking the time to inform me. Too bad I will forget it as soon as I hit “send”. The joys of aging!

ThundercatHo April 21, 2011 at 10:19 am

So, the Koch bros. only hire the employed? How is that helpful? What is supposed to happen in 20 yrs? Is this one of those apopleptic thingys you folks are so fond of?

DarkStar_88 April 21, 2011 at 11:23 am

Unfortunately, this kind of nonsense has been old hat for decades. An old union worker used to tell me tales of voting who he was told for Or Else. And they made him vote for everyone from hard-line rightwingers to yellow-dog democrats.

stephentaylor April 21, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Democracy Now did a really cool segment on the Koch brothers today. They interviewed two investigative journalists who just a finished a report on them called “Big Brothers”. democracynow . org

ConsLibertarian April 21, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Oooooh, poor Wonkette, you allowed your true selves be seen and now everyone is pulling their ads.

Must suck to be you.

By the way, was it any of you intelligencia that sent threats to the Koch Brothers?

Wrong company but hey, it is really hard to believe that there would be two companies with Koch in the name and to have Koch Brothers? Must have made those heads just explode with liberal good intentions.

HughDMann April 22, 2011 at 12:08 am

Not too comfortable with "Forcing", "Coercing" is probably the better term and almost as pernicious a corporate behavior. My old Company did quite a bit of this too with its non-union employees. The "forcing" comes when management requires you to join their PAC with the nod-nod, wink-wink implication that your performance reviews & career path could hinge on it. They can track this whereas they can't track your actual voting. They pulled the same thing with the United Way drive.

The union guys got their own voting instructions from their locals.

ttommyunger April 20, 2011 at 8:23 pm

I always find one too, just may not be everyone's definition of a bathroom. I assume that is their problem.

ttommyunger April 20, 2011 at 8:26 pm

Lucky you. I am hearing, seeing and thinking impaired with a little of the Trig action thrown in for good measure.

weejee April 20, 2011 at 9:00 pm

Sweet!

user-of-owls April 20, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Oh dearest, you'll ne'er be a dandelion and when you and the peony that is Lizzie get together, you'd do all humanity a favor by scratching each other's bellies and giggling like schoolgirl penguins. *sigh*

natl_indecency_cmdr April 20, 2011 at 9:16 pm

as an internet cynic who's had enough of cute animal videos i tried to ignore it. still "laughing penguin" kept gnawing at me. so i watched it a couple of days ago. it warmed my cold hard heart.

Barb April 20, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Schoolgirl penguins in proper white cotton panties.

OhNoGuy April 20, 2011 at 9:54 pm

we shall fight to the death for cheese curds!

Steel cage match!! And the bars can be really, really far apart.

HogeyeGrex April 20, 2011 at 11:30 pm

The first time I lived in LA, they'd have days when you couldn't see the outline of a billboard 1/4 mile down the street. The alerts on the TV/radio told you to stay indoors and if you had to go outside to take a damp rag to breath through. Seriously.

It has improved a lot.

Of course, that means it's time to kill the Clean Air Act and dismantle the EPA. What could possibly go wrong?

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Nothing, if you live in a chateau in Switzerland!

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 11:45 pm

My understanding from the one-track guy minds I've encountered is that a pillow fight must also be involved.

ChessieNefercat April 20, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Especially that last wee little snerf sound.

roomfilledsmokemate April 21, 2011 at 1:48 am

I worked in a contract postal unit for six years and just took a dump on the counter. Customers didn't seem to mind.

ttommyunger April 21, 2011 at 6:58 am

Don't know what CV is. Pretty sure I am not a better man than you; or anybody else, for that matter. Hell, if I were pirating off the internet it would prolly be porn, not something as wholesome as hockey.

ttommyunger April 21, 2011 at 7:01 am

I am assuming you wiped your ass with a sheet of Forever Stamps.

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