BEING A TEEN IS HARD!  11:27 am April 20, 2011

Hosni Mubarak All Depressed and Emo Now

by Jack Stuef

Egypt’s toppled president Hosni Mubarak is “clinically depressed” as he remains in a Sharm el Sheikh hospital, a senior Egyptian official told FOX News Tuesday.

Doctors said the ousted leader spends all day in bed and is eating very little with his wife Suzanne by his side, the official added.

Look what you did, Obama’s Muslin Brotherhood! Taking away Hosni’s country from the poor man is eating away his soul and will to live. Hurry up and give him back his dictatorship. If this goes on any longer, he might pick up a guitar. [NYP]

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Barbara_i April 20, 2011 at 11:30 am

He hasn't regressed to listening to Jewel music and cutting himself just yet. There is still hope for him to pull out of this.

CapeClod April 20, 2011 at 11:45 am

Somebody send him a copy of "Don't Give Up" by Pater Gabriel and Kate Bush. Play that enough and he'll chuck himself out of the hospital window.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 20, 2011 at 11:57 am

It's 4/20. Just send him some weed and some good Dead concert bootlegs, and he will be in a really good place within a day.

Sharkey April 20, 2011 at 1:47 pm

You're making fun, but in all seriousness, I bet he had to approve this back in the day.

(Is your mind blown?)

horsedreamer_1 April 20, 2011 at 3:09 pm

That album is somewhere in here.

SorosBot April 20, 2011 at 11:58 am

Let's send him some Cure and New Order CDs; then he can get to the black nail polish and eyeliner stage.

Barbara_i April 20, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Sarah Mclachlan's "I Don't Know How to Let You Go" would kill the happiest of campers.

nounverb911 April 20, 2011 at 11:37 am

"Egypt’s toppled president Hosni Mubarak is “clinically depressed” as he remains in a Sharm el Sheikh hospital, a senior Egyptian official told FOX News Tuesday."
He must be watching too much Fox News reporting on him watching Fox News, that would make anyone depressed.

June_Cleaver2.0 April 20, 2011 at 7:57 pm

I am at home sick, and you just made me cough my guts out laughing!

SorosBot April 20, 2011 at 11:37 am

As someone who has suffered from clinical depression, I'll give the old dictator some advice: suicide is painless, it brings on many changes…

hagajim April 20, 2011 at 11:40 am

Oh shoot…I thought you said Hosni was all Elmo now…never mind.

freakishlywrong April 20, 2011 at 11:40 am

He probably found out they froze his assets.

$exy$murf April 20, 2011 at 11:41 am

Sounds like someone needs a visit from the hug monster.

PabaBritannica April 20, 2011 at 11:43 am

Bullshit, he might be listening to The Cure's "Killing an Arab", but I'm pretty sure he's smiling about that song on the inside.

weejee April 20, 2011 at 11:48 am

If he starts listening to SHYNE, the kosher gangsta rapper, then start worrying.

If he calls in a napalm strike on the hospital would that be self emo-lation?

ManchuCandidate April 20, 2011 at 11:48 am

Depression clinic
And the nation don't know what the nation is getting
The créme de la créme of the Mid East in a
clinic with everything but Nurse Ratchet

Time flies doesn't seem a minute
Since the Exile bank has no gold bars in it
All change don't you know that when you
Rule at this level there's no ordinary venue

It's Elba or Ceti Alpha 5 or Dallas or this place

One night in Exile and the worlds your toilet
Gold bars are useless and freedom ain't free
You'll find a loser in every Swiss bank
And if you're lucky then the hooker's a she
I can feel a joke being made 'bout me

One day is very like another
When you head's down over your losses brother

BaldarTFlagass April 20, 2011 at 11:51 am

Somewhere, Morrissey is smiling.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 20, 2011 at 11:58 am

Did I tell you that I cried?

widestanceroman April 20, 2011 at 11:59 am

Hosni is looking forward to spending warm summer days writing frightening verse to a buck-tooth girl in Luxembourg.

not that Dewey April 20, 2011 at 2:26 pm

He's seen this happen in other people's lives; now it's happening in his.

BarryOPotter April 20, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Well, under the circumstances, what he said was said, but then all the rejection he's had to pretend to happy could only be idiocy. ‚ô™Blah di da da di da da…

johnnymeatworth April 20, 2011 at 11:58 am

Dashboard Confessional, here we come….

horsedreamer_1 April 20, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Screaming infidels, indeed.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 20, 2011 at 11:59 am

Glenn Beck keep warning us of the coming Anarchist/Unionist/Islamist Caliphate. But does he ever warn us of the greater threat: Emo Nation?

widestanceroman April 20, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Shux. I waited an entire Arab Spring to use that!

edgydrifter April 20, 2011 at 12:04 pm

What? Realizing that you're broke and powerless and that the future holds no hope for you is depressing? Weird!
Welcome to the wonderful life of your former subjects, Hos.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 20, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Good God, how that brings back my college days. He probably isn't having sex either.

Gopherit April 20, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Depressed? At least he seems to have soshalizt medical care. He's one up on the rest of us.

weejee April 20, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Are the Egyptians learning how to play the Soviet mental hospital card?

MissTaken April 20, 2011 at 12:06 pm

I know it's serious

Gopherit April 20, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Yeah, I mean, compared to being in a coma, being clinically depressed is positively perky. He'll be listening to Taylor Swift soon.

horsedreamer_1 April 20, 2011 at 1:17 pm

I can already see the tear-drops on his guitar*.

*Which is an Arabian instrument.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 20, 2011 at 12:08 pm

See what happens when you quit to spend more time with the family.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 20, 2011 at 12:10 pm

So that is why David Vitter didn't step down?

weejee April 20, 2011 at 12:32 pm


elviouslyqueer April 20, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Hahahahaha. +1.

horsedreamer_1 April 20, 2011 at 1:04 pm

This will be dramatized as The Nitemare Before Eid al-Fitr.

Sharkey April 20, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Maybe he could try, I dunno, turning on the TV?

What? Oh, wait.

Guppy06 April 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm

And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids!

BarryOPotter April 20, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Ruh roh!

ttommyunger April 20, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Time to die, Hosni.

natoslug April 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm

So now it's you, me, SorosBot and my 11 year old son (he wanted to know the words after learning to play it in band class on his sax. He's been wandering around the house for ~ 3 weeks now, singing it at his sister).

not that Dewey April 20, 2011 at 2:27 pm

There were times when I could have strangled him.

MinAgain April 20, 2011 at 2:55 pm

I'd call him a whiny, pathetic horse's ass, but that would be an insult to horses everywhere.

DustBowlBlues April 20, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Hey, g*ddamit, (keep reading and the ** will make sense, or, ,fuck it, it's Holy Week) these threads keep filling up so fast I can't get in an OT comment that's really important.

Just had my hair done at the local salon I patronize (that is in a building and not some loser's beauty shop cum kitchen, thank you very much) and the hot talk in town is about this book I'm about to review that I haven't read. OT because Ken doesn't have a Reader's Club section for us to post to. It's called Heaven is Real or some shit like that, and by this guy who went to Wesleyan College in Bartlesville (it's a Free Methodist college. btw–Free Methodists aren't) about his kid who was a little boy and saw heaven and Jesus several times (I can't remember exactly how that happened because the wax was being yanked off my eyebrows and I was in pain when that got explained) and I have some great news!!!!

Jesus is blond, blue eyed and his robe is covered in rainbows. Yay! Jesus is gay white guy!!!

PS A third of the people having their hair done were skeptical. (There were three people in the salon at the time). The ** was because it might be real and wtf–I don't want to risk hell for swearing.

HempDogbane April 20, 2011 at 3:57 pm

re: "wax being yanked off". What does Brazilian Jesus look like?

DustBowlBlues April 20, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Another win.

Tommmcattt April 20, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Ok, I'm old. I have no idea what an Emo is or why it is particularly worthy of scorn. There's porn of it, I know, but I'm too lazy too look it up.

So basically, this post was a wash for me. Maybe Ken will make a movie or bring back dildobot to explain it. Or not, that's okay too.

Happy 420, everyone.

lochnessmonster April 20, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Too bad Gadaffi didn't get depressed rather than go off all manic like he has.

carlgt1 April 20, 2011 at 7:40 pm

uhhh, "Killing an Arab" by The Cure, FTW?

BZ1 April 20, 2011 at 7:46 pm

FauxNews is covering this? They're going on and on, this and that, still pretending to be a news outlet…

TheMeatmaker April 20, 2011 at 10:50 pm

In other news, Qaddafi has delusions of grandeur, and every other world leader suffers from narcissistic personality disorder. (Except Carter. He just hallucinated giant bunnies.)

fuflans April 21, 2011 at 1:46 am

do you think he'll pull thru?

you people rock.

gurukalehuru April 21, 2011 at 3:56 am

How is it we've got more detailed info on the mental and emotional state of Hoser Mubarak than we do on American Hero Bradley Manning?

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