The entire American world is freaking out right now, according to the home pages of every single American news source, because Michelle Obama was nearly killed in what is being shrugged off as a “landing mishap.” The plane carrying our FLOTUS was only three miles away from a military C-17 instead of the required five miles. This is just how badly she wants to support the troops.
Apparently our FLOTUS’ life was never actually in danger and one of her idiot staffers didn’t even know what was going on, because she was too busy rocking out to Ke$ha on her iPod. And since no one was killed or injured, this is probably a good time for respected news sources to attach the word “abort” to our First Lady as many times as possible so as to remind readers that Michelle Obama just wants to abort all the fat children, and maybe even the skinny ones! [CNN/USA Today]
Blair Burke (blairelinor@gmail.com) obsessively follows Michelle Obama’s every move for “The FLOTUS Files,” which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette, and sometimes appears during special FLOTUS emergencies.
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Fair! Balanced! Irrelevant!
CNN's new motto.
So something happened which could have let to conditions that could have caused something bad to possibly happen, but people realized the near-near-danger and stopped before it got anywhere close to anything that could cause something dangerous became a possibility. Got it. And this is news in this day and age; meanwhile parts of Japan are still becoming increasingly radioactive.
Yeah, but the Japanese were already sort of yellow and perilous, so a little more yellow and glowy isn't that big a deal.
According to Leuren Moprt, who was an Expert Witness at the International Criminal Tribunal For Afghanistan At Tokyo and is an independent scientist and international expert on radiation and public health issues and member of the Radiation Committee in the EU parliament, the European Committee on Radiation Risk, we will all soon be radioactive and dead:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOYhZlEf5gI
TEPCO on the other hand says all will be fine if we can just tough it out for a few more months and not plan a vacation within a 12 mile radius of the Fukushima Dai-ichi plant.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110420/ap_on_bi_ge/a…
And since we all know the corporations are just fronts for enlightened public interest, all we have to do is make it until 2012 when the calender ends anyway. Let the party begin.
Yeah, but was it a late term landing?
'cause that's illegal in a few dozens states, now.
You either land early, or not at all. In fact, fuck it; don't even get off the ground, ok?
Photos of the ATC doing ketamine off a dead hooker's ass in the control tower or GTFO.
I don't know what 3 of those things are. oh! make it 2. i think.
The April 19th curse continues . . . Why CNN??! Why???
@ricksanchez4hire we need you!
I'm surprised the Fox headline isn't "First Lady Near-Crash Tragically Coincides With Michelle Obama Near-Miss"
Obvs, it's time to privatize the FAA, so these kind of incidents won't be on the public record, and so we can know those air traffic controllers won't be getting any fancy schmancy "benefits".
Probably the Koch Machine is already working on this.
Fuckin' Inhoffe flying again
Or Walnuts.
Couldn't have been McCain the article clearly said there was no crash.
John Travolta?
I can't believe it until shows me her plane ticket. If she has nothing to hide, why won't she show me her plane ticket? I'm not saying she wasn't on that plane, just that we could end this all right now, if she would only show us her plane ticket.
And it had better be the Long-Form Plane Ticket, all in red, with about four dozen copies all stapled together, including Obama's circumcision certificate.
If it doesn't have the names of the flight crew, it's not official.
Is he?
We think we're the pinnacle of sarcasm and wit here, but tomorrow, Sarah of Palin is going to say something catty about Michelle that is more outrageous and tasteless than anything we could satirize. And she'll do it in less than 140 characters.
But can Grassley do it with less than 140 typos?
florid nr ms 4l ; wtf{
Probably something to the effect that an aborted landing never would have been an issue if she had abstained from flying.
U
T
Didn't March Madness end? Maybe it just turned into a month long April Fool?
Shirley this was not serious?
OK I'll bite.
"No it wasn't.
And don't call me Shirley."
Where's the auto pilot when you need him. I need a smoke.
"Oh, stewardess, I speak Jive".
Good thing she's in shape. If she'd been as fat as say, Limbaugh, 3 miles wouldn't have been "clearance". Would've been a National Tragedy (TM).
You'll be delighted to know that the FoxTards are all having a good laugh over how fat Michelle is, so it's a wonder that the USAF allows her to fly at all.
Can Limpbowel fit into the average airliner? Or does he have to use a Heavy Lift Vehicle?
This EARTHSHATTERING NEWS STORY is not in any of my country's websites. Does that mean you guys are going to bomb us now?
Probably.
do you have oil?
We have Peter Jackson. He's pretty oily.
Fortunately for you, your country is far too out-of-the-way for us US Americans to be concerned about. We think of you as Australia's Canada.
Given half a chance we'll bomb anyone. Any time, anywhere. But don't expect us to invade. Even if you beg. We save that for special places with natural resources to exploit.
Why, do you not want us to bomb you? Cuz we will, for spite. Or cuz we need another excuse to fire up the bomb factory. Must feed the war machine
so we should also all panic when there are cars driving within 3 miles of where we are? great.
Shit, I already do that. I'm old.
When I was in Kabul, every time there was a car bombing or IED attack or some shit that made the news, I would be inundated with emails from concerned relatives as to whether I was alright. Hey, it's a city of 3 million people. How come you don't email and ask if I'm alright when there's a 12-car pileup in the San Antonio area that makes the national news? Of course, I would always wait a couple of days before responding, to make them sweat, as a little bit of revenge for pestering me.
Three million? Huh.
You know who else's birthday is tomorrow?
George Takei?
Joan Miro?
Senor Wences?
(Oops, I seemed to have used this answer twice today.)
S'allright.
Father Guido Sarducci?
The Cool?
St. Rose of Lima?
Philippe Pinel?
Lionel Hampton?
Mother Angelica?
Tito Puente?
Luther Vandross?
Carmen Electra?
"Donny Baseball" Don Mattingly
Elliot Ness (true).
Too bad he isn't alive to put the Bush admin in jail for something or other. War Crimes, maybe.
Santorum's stillborn fetus?
Klebold and Harris?
Isn't it about time Natalie Portman had that kid yet?
Annie Hall. For real.
Cool. To celebrate, I'll take a date to see Night and Fog
Clint Howard?
John Paul Stevens?
Bet you've been waiting all year for that.
BTW, don't read the comments over there. It will make you want to shoot yourself, in the head, and we need as many of us as we can keep, because they're not getting any quieter, or less stupid or racist, any time soon.
SERIOUS PSA HERE: Do not commit suicide because of the Klan rally going on in the Fox News comment spaces. Don't give them the fucking satisfaction.
Has Turmp posted yet?
It was pretty nasty on Yahoo news as well, who are these people that think this way?
the correct answer to the previous question was of course Hitler. I didn't find out until after my father, with whom I never lived, was dead that his brother. who was a significant force for good in my childhood, used to taunt my father about having the same birthday as Hitler.
Does Michelle get extra frequent flyer miles for the go around?
No need to got to fux nooz. MSN has the story.
Hot and dangerous!
Not funny people. I was only 4 blocks away from the 3 mile near miss.
Oh,Oh!
More Breaking Bad ATC stuff going on.
Better call Saul. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qc8GqeY7gWk&fe…
OT, but the Randroid troll is still active in the Oklahoma City/Waco thread below; and living up to his religion he's and embodiment of the Dunning-Krueger effect, both incredibly stupid and thinks he knows everything.
That, and RIP Sarah Jane Smith. Think I'm watching "School Reunion" again tonight.
I just read that about Liz, bummer.
oh mannn that seriously sucks.
I'm sure we will have more and more Waco and OK City type incidents as we drift into civil war.
I quite like the troll. His constant attacks smack of insecurity, his revisionism and his unilluminating appeals to reason along with anecdotal evidence are very funny. At least he can form sentences.
Michelle's plane goes up, Michelle's plane stays up. Who can wish ex post facto for a fiery tragic crash into the moon?
Ah…the always predictable response from the the good Xtians at the FuxNews boards:
"Darn. They didn't let the planes get close enough."
or even better…
"I don't want to see any of the military personnel hurt though. Her, I could care less"
But was there Bosnian sniper fire involved?
# IT WAS THE FOG OF WAR
So now Southwest is running it's own DEATH PANELS and forcing women to abort their Kenyan babbies??? I knew this was buried in the ACA somewhere.
(Since everyone is OK and I can make fun of this…)
Sure gives a whole new meaning to the "Let's Move!" slogan…
Let me guess. There will be right wing bitching about how Mrs. Obama allowed her plane to endanger a C-17 carrying wounded troops back from Afghanistan.
My pre-emptive response: Well, if you bitches hadn't started the fucking war without a plan to win it, maybe the C-17's crew would have been just getting their flight hours in or maybe bringing in some great Czech beer for the base.
The soldiers are the sort of poor people the T-tards and Health&wealth gospellers despise when they're at home, anyway. A big share of them are black and/or hispanic.
And yet the media will still somehow blame her for this, point out the cost of the trip, and ask about such behavior during a time of war/recession/ratings sweep.
You have my vote for best prediction… albeit sadly.
i have nothing to add to the brilliance of these comments.
well except that Ke$ha is kinda revolting.
By "revolting", you mean "ravishing", yes?
Have some self-respect–you can fap to much, much better!
I'm only into it for the music.
She looks perpetually dirty, and not dirty like sexy-dirty, but dirty like she literally doesn't bathe dirty.
That, and she's shaped like a rectangle.
CNN's Ed Henry reports that Mrs. Obama's life was not in danger when her flight was aborted at Andrews Air Force Base.
I worship the ground our First Lady walks on but it will get pretty dull if TeeVee news is going to report every time her life isn't in danger.
In honor of this, I almost out of alcohol.
Too soon?
You picked the wrong week to quit drinking?
No, it's still next week. I just picked the wrong night to think I had enough wine left in the fridge.
Next week… This is some kind of inverted post-Lent penance, or?.. Lots of things come to mind worth procrastinating and alcohol abstention should be one of them.
i picked the wrong decade.
Maybe learning home brewing/distilling would be a survival skill? I don't think you need a license to brew, anyway.
ST Aerospace in Alabama probably did some "pencil whipping" on this airplane…
We must make sure this never happens again. I suggest cutting funding for the FAA and giving the rich a tax cut.
If Capt. Chesley B. Sullenburger III had been at the controls of the 737 with Michelle Obama aboard he would have set it down on top of that C-17 without scratching the paint on either plane
If Capt. Chesley B. Sullenberger III had been at the controls, he would have piloted both planes away from each other. With his mind.
If anything happens to the FLOTUS, I'm blaming Michelle Bachman and her red-white-and-blue eyes. Just because I can.
Comment from Patriotic American "greywolfghost" on the "military.com" message board somewhere:
Remember how Obama berated the Auto Company CEOs for flying to Washington in Corperate Jets? But it's okay for his wife to tool all over the place in a huge jet at Taxpayer's expense. I wonder if it has chrome wheels?
Har! Nigras and their hoopties!
(Only useful element of the idiotic message board: has a photo of the plane, with flag prominently displayed on the tail. I mention this only because one of the Foxtards is claiming that the FLOTUS's plane didn't have a flag on it. You know, because the President and First Lady actually hate America.)
Military.com, you say? Well, God bless our troops. I'm running out to get a magnetic ribbon to that effect for the back bumper of the puckmobile first thing tomorrow. First thing.
You know who ELSE survived assassination attempts?
Sir Samuel Vimes?
I would give you 1,ooo p points for that reference if I could. Lord Vetinari 2012!
President Elias Martinez?
Nice The Event reference!
I had just finished watching Monday's episode, God knows why. That show gets goofier and goofier every week. It's like the producers took mescaline and read a bunch of bad pulp sci-fi novels.
Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria for like one or two attempts?
Kim Jong-il?
Pope John Paul II?
Well, shit, if nobody else will 'fess up : Hitler.
Or is that like the queen of spades, and now I have to moon everybody?
I am not aware of all Wonkette traditions.
when anyone writes "you know who else…" the answer is always hitler. but it's more fun to say random names. also, great for pee.
Oh. Thank you.
Also, too, the entire Parliament that Guy Fawkes didn't blow up.
I am not aware of all Wonkette traditions.
We are deep and complicated.
So. Buttseks?
Nathan Bedford Forrest?
PBS?
Mary Buttafuoco?
WIN
Jacques Chirac?
Mickey Rourke's 'character'?
Wait, was the plane forced to abort the landing, or did it choose to do so?
It was just a mis(landing)carriage.
And did it receive counseling first?
Here's the classiest comment on a site: "What’s she bitch’n about?…aborted landings or aborted babies…it’s all the same to her."
You know, it's sort of a blessing that, even though I now live in the reddish Cali foothills, I never hear anybody say shit like that. I'm really too old to do prison time for beating somebody insensible.
From the NY Times: "[The] problem occurs dozens of times a day with airliners at civilian airports around the country, according to aviation experts."
That comes towards the end of the paper of record's breathless 700-word report on the non-story.
I'm just glad she's ok.
me too.
Bless your heart for sayin' that. So am I.
In a related story, I just got done watching Donnie Darko again.
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
Totally OT, but Terry Jones of Koran-burning fame is trying to incite more shit. This time, he's doing it here in the capital of Arab America, Dearborn, Michigan.
Go Detroit! I hope Friday really turns out to be a good one, 'cause it could go either way.
I'd be in favor of beheading him… just for Sharia's sake.
Terry Jones will be played by Anthony Mackie (w/ w/o white-face) in the movie.
The story focuses on a potential collision in flight, but doesn't say much about how Obama's plane struck the ground at a high speed, only gradually rolling to a stop. Terrifying!
Just imagine if CrossroadsGPS's operatives in FAA &/or CIA could have taken down the First Lady's plane: Obama, distraught, resigns the Presidency, Biden chooses not to run for the Office in 2012, Romney or Huckabee has a year's head-start on whatever third-rate Dem the Left could put up. (Rhode Island Senator Sheldon Whitehouse? Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer?) Karl is pissed, right now.
I dropped what I was doing at work and quickly went home when I heard this. Because…why not, you know?
It's a landing not a choice !!!
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