The great thing about writing over-the-top joke exaggerations about America is that often they come true! For example, just this morning we were sarcastically criticizing Jan Brewer for failing to extend gun rights to kindergartners who need to open fire on their classmates. Then, about an hour and half after we posted that, a six-year-old kindergartner’s loaded gun fell out of his pocket in the school cafeteria and fired, injuring himself and two other children, one of them also six and the other five years old. Since this is Texas we’re talking about, where they actually RESPECT the Second Amendment, we presume a parade will be held in honor of this young patriot listening to the Constitution and doing as it says. As soon as he (and whatever kids survive) get out of the hospital.
All three children were put on stretchers and taken to ambulances, to be checked out at a hospital. The students were sitting up and appeared to be talking with emergency personnel as they were wheeled away.
Upset parents rushed to the school, where yellow crime scene tape was strung and more than a dozen Houston police and district patrol cars were parked outside as officers investigated where the boy got the gun.
Where the boy got the gun? The boy got the gun from GOD HIMSELF, through His pals the Founding Fathers, who enshrined Cool Pew-Pew Sounds in our Law. Why is big government stepping in to “investigate” and trying to leave a chilling effect on this six-year-old’s gun purchases? Is he not a citizen? Could he not use that gun one day if he forms a well-regulated Militia? That’s all you need to know. Case closed. It’s called “the Second Amendment,” idiots.
We thought in Texas every kid’s best friend is a gun. Who was this boy supposed to be friends with, other boys? That sounds like a violation of the state’s strict no-homo laws. [AP]