START UP THE '2016' TAG  2:22 pm April 19, 2011

Rand Paul Already Filing For Re-Election

by Jack Stuef

Don’t try to schedule any dinner plans a half decade from now with Rand Paul. He’s already booked.

U.S. Sen. Rand Paul has already filed to seek re-election to the U.S. Senate in 2016.

The Kentucky Republican who has been talking about possibly running for president next year filed a statement of candidacy to run for a second term in the Senate on March 21, some three months after taking office.

Will he be a member of the Chinese Communist Party, or will he run on the Dog-Robot Alliance ticket? There’s no way there’s still a Republican Party that far in the future. [AP]

 
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{ 60 comments }

ifthethunderdontgetya April 19, 2011 at 2:27 pm

…or will he run on the Dog-Robot Alliance ticket?

We can do better, Dog-Robot People!!!
~

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] April 19, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Just as long as it's not that bastard Romney, or [shudder] Santorum.

OkieDokieDog April 19, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Damn… I like the Dog-Robot Alliance. Will Astro be his running mate? Or Martha Stewart's Tin Can Dog?
http://images.marthastewart.com/images/content/tv

DashboardBuddha April 19, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Knowing that Martha was involved in creating something that needs to be led around on a leash makes uncomfortable in ways that are hard to describe.

SorosBot April 19, 2011 at 2:30 pm

The Dog-Robot party should run K-9 for President in 2016. Affirmative!

doloras April 19, 2011 at 6:06 pm

RIP Elisabeth Sladen. :(

Steverino247 April 19, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Well, since he represents the interests of dog fuckers, I'm guessing the party name will involve dogs in some capacity.

Lost_Teabaggers April 20, 2011 at 2:58 pm

It's Kentucky and animal-fucking is a BIG TENT. He also represents pig fuckers, turtle fuckers (it's how Mitchy gets laid) and of course, sheep and cow fuckers. Because Rand has a dead squirrel on top of his head, they know he's one of them and is unbeatable in Kentucky…

nounverb911 April 19, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Isn't the world scheduled to end May 21st anyway? So who cares? We have other things to worry about.

DarkStar_88 April 21, 2011 at 11:27 am

It takes an extreme act of self-control for me not to beat those dolts in the face with a Bible.

KeepFnThatChicken April 19, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Guess that means Ron's running again, since this (hopefully) cinches Rand's hand in the Senate. I mean, seriously… we don't need two candidates who only served two years as a junior Senator.

BaldarTFlagass April 19, 2011 at 2:39 pm

When is the other Kentucky Senate seat become available? Maybe he could run for that seat too and then he'd be both senators from Kentucky.

KeepFnThatChicken April 19, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Just like a Kentucky marriage. Your sister can also serve as your wife.

BaldarTFlagass April 19, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Isn't the license plate slogan "My Cousin, My Wife"?

PabaBritannica April 19, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Maybe him and McConnell can share a shell and be one of these guys:
http://www.travelizmo.com/archives/two-headed-tur

freakishlywrong April 19, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Well shit. For fuckers who hate the Gubbmint so much, they're sure eager little fuckers to get back on the gravy train…wooowhooooo!! All aboard!

hagajim April 19, 2011 at 3:56 pm

They wouldn't do it…but the health insurance is so damn good.

WinterOuthouse April 19, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Mamas don't let yer babies grow up to be politicians/assholes.

SayItWithWookies April 19, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Oh, he's just getting this little bit of paperwork out of the way because he'll be spending the next five years diligently resegregating the Woolworth's lunch counters.

chascates April 19, 2011 at 2:42 pm

If his dad wins the White House he could be appointed to the Supreme Court. Or made Surgeon General. Or Minister of Ideas.

BaldarTFlagass April 19, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Or Grand Wazoo and High Priest of the Holy Order of the Aqua Buddha.

DahBoner April 19, 2011 at 4:12 pm

# ALL BOW DOWN BEFORE AQUA BUDDHA

DashboardBuddha April 19, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Nay, I say Nay! The Aqua Buddha is a false god!

SmutBoffin April 19, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Use to be, he could spout his Ayn Rand bullshit at his patients, helpless in the chair while he operates on their eyballs. Now, he has an entire nation captive and he likes it!

Rand Paulz 20twelve and 4-EVA!

freakishlywrong April 19, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Ugh. He's so creepy. That sing song voice and beady, vacant stare. "I'm here♫ to take back your ♪ glasses". And pay that bill! One of his supporters will curb stomp you if not.

Gopherit April 19, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Like there will be a functional republic in 5 more years. You know you want to go to Galt's Gulch, Rand. Admit it.

smokefilledfetus April 19, 2011 at 2:49 pm

He'll run as a Gulcher.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 19, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Interesting how all of these people who hate government so much are so happy to take a pay check from it.

Aqua Buddha works in mysterious ways.

poncho_pilot April 19, 2011 at 3:37 pm

if you meet the Aqua Buddha in the road, kill the Aqua Buddha.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] April 19, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Ah, but does a Dog-Robot have Aqua-Buddha nature?

poncho_pilot April 19, 2011 at 3:53 pm

it does not.

mavenmaven April 19, 2011 at 7:37 pm

mu

donner_froh April 19, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Rand Paul will be the standard bearer for the pro-capitalist roaders, the Running Dog-Robot Alliance.

Bonzos_Bed_Time April 19, 2011 at 3:29 pm

This is the kind of election transparency we can do without.

EdFlintstone April 19, 2011 at 3:41 pm

How much does campaign head stomper pay?

poncho_pilot April 19, 2011 at 3:43 pm

are we witnessing the birth of a dynasty? what with Rodimus Paul or whatever the fuck his name is talking about running for an office, too?

this is good news for Personal Liberties, LLC. http://i.imgur.com/dHy59.jpg

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] April 19, 2011 at 3:49 pm

…the Dog-Robot Alliance ticket…

Re-elect Bo as first Dog! Twenty-eight more years!

Extemporanus April 19, 2011 at 3:50 pm

***Spoiler Alert***
.
.
.

SANTORUM/MUFFET 147,984 BC!

poncho_pilot April 19, 2011 at 3:59 pm

i can like nothing else today as much as i like that comment right now.

Extemporanus April 19, 2011 at 4:29 pm

You'd probably like that comment even more had I caught the fact that my iPad's frakkin' autocorrect frakked-up the spelling of Boxey Santorum's frakkin' daggit.

EdFlintstone April 19, 2011 at 5:03 pm

You keep topping yourself on that profile extemp, funny shit everytime you tweak it.

Callyson April 19, 2011 at 3:57 pm

or will he run on the Dog-Robot Alliance ticket?
My dog would like you to know that this idea (Paul on that ticket, not the alliance) offends him greatly and he will sic Randy if he tries it.

KenLayIsAlive April 19, 2011 at 4:56 pm

"There’s no way there’s still a Republican Party that far in the future."

Shit. The way we're going there won't be anything but a republican party by then.

MinAgain April 19, 2011 at 5:24 pm

There’s no way there’s still a Republican Party that far in the future.

From your mouth to God's ear.

BZ1 April 19, 2011 at 5:31 pm

He's a republican? I thought he was a proud librarian…

mavenmaven April 19, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Paul/Hatsune Miku 2016 dog-humanoid alliance!

weejee April 19, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Well the Senate is an institution and Paul is committed. But used to be that nutz like Rand were committed involuntarily by others and to a different institution.

SkinnyNerd April 19, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Here's Rand's leaked campaign ad:

Doesn't believe in Mayan calendar
Worships the Aqua Buddha
True American
Vote Paul 2016

mrblifil April 19, 2011 at 8:10 pm

RandPaulistan, where every day is silly season.

Sue4466 April 19, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Yay. Something to look forward to.

WinterOuthouse April 19, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Them there papers musta be perdy hard fer 'em to red and reyet. The boy gotta bee takin' hess tahme to git it reyet. Hims boarrrrd gotta check his lernin'.

WinterOuthouse April 19, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Does this have something to do with his PAC or raising money?

ShaveTheWhales April 19, 2011 at 11:03 pm

Without having the slightest factual support, I have no problem at all saying "yes".

mavenmaven April 19, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Sheesh, those downfisters keep coming through this page, again and again. Is the downfister Rand Paul's mother?

fuflans April 20, 2011 at 12:48 am

well and here's a question: who IS rand paul's mother???

DaRooster April 20, 2011 at 1:14 am

Rand Paul's gay lover?

(He is rather effeminate, no?)

DaRooster April 20, 2011 at 1:10 am

Someone has an in with the Diebold group.

ttommyunger April 20, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Cut him some slack! I'd prolly do the same thing for fear of forgetting about it. 'Course, I'm fucking SEVENTY! What's his excuse?

portermelmoth April 20, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Was he named after the RAND Corporation? That could be key.

poncho_pilot April 19, 2011 at 8:18 pm

the dog remains caught up in delusion false premises and continues to suffer in the karmically free market conditioned round of rebirth looting.

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