MOONSHINE-DRINKING CONTEST  1:29 pm April 19, 2011

Bobby Jindal To the Rescue: He Will Sign Birther Legislation

by Jack Stuef

If that's what the trusted advisor in the overalls says to do...A suddenly brown-looking Jan Brewer may devastated a hopeful nation by vetoing presidential birth-certificate legislation, but don’t lose hope that a deeply conservative state Barack Obama has no chance of winning will try to keep him off the ballot in 2012. Pro-volcano-destruction activist Bobby Jindal is stepping up. “It’s not part of our package, but if the Legislature passes it we’ll sign it,” Jindal’s press secretary said of Louisiana House Bill 561, which would require presidential candidates to provide an “original or certified copy of the candidate’s birth certificate” and a “sworn statement or form that identifies the candidate’s places of residence for the preceding fourteen years.” Because Obama was born in Kenya and rented an apartment on one of the moons of Jupiter for eight months in 1999.

He said he has no reason to doubt Obama’s citizenship. “I don’t purport to be a ‘birther,’” [bill author Rep. Alan] Seabaugh said. “This is from the standpoint of cleaning up an area of the law where there appears to be a gap.”

Stop being so modest! You can call yourself a birther, sir. You’ve earned it. We’d even go so far as to knight you! “Grand Knight of the Birthers” sounds like a fitting title to us.

Obviously, disqualifying Obama will be the perfect opportunity for lil’ Jindal to jump into the presidential race. And once he teams up with those thug volcano friends of his, there won’t be another candidate alive to challenge him. [NOLA.com]

 
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{ 111 comments }

Barbara_i April 19, 2011 at 1:31 pm

I'll be happy when they get all these silly little things out of the way and then they can start working on what should have been the #1 priority all along: JOBS!

ifthethunderdontgetya April 19, 2011 at 1:50 pm

How can you think about sex at a time in our Nation's His-Story like this, Barbara_i ???
~

Barbara_i April 19, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Easily.

hooray4anything April 19, 2011 at 3:33 pm

They are– I hear private investigators in Hawaii are doing really well these days trying to dig up birth certificates.

nounverb911 April 19, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Bobby Jindal: Anchor baby!

neiltheblaze April 19, 2011 at 1:40 pm

You beat me to it….

teebob2000 April 19, 2011 at 2:11 pm

He's a naan-citizen!!

horsedreamer_1 April 19, 2011 at 2:15 pm

If the Louisiana law includes a bris substitution, we'll call it "Bread & Circumcisions".

Buckminster April 19, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Way to stay on track and create jobs.

nounverb911 April 19, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Bobby Jindal? I thought he was sacrificed to the God of Volcanoes.

kissawookiee April 19, 2011 at 2:46 pm

No, no, that will be the residents of the Pacific Northwest when Mt. Rainier finally blows. Not that, uh, they'll find out about it beforehand, which I suppose is probably the point.

mavenmaven April 19, 2011 at 1:33 pm

F@#$ing Furners think they know better about what's good for Merka…

Callyson April 19, 2011 at 1:35 pm

“This is from the standpoint of cleaning up an area of the law where there appears to be a gap.”
HAHAHAHAHA…this, coming from the most corrupt state in the nation? http://www.newsweek.com/2010/03/10/big-easy-money
HAHAHAHAHA…

LesBontemps April 19, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Most corrupt? As a proud resident of New Jersey, I demand a retraction, Sir or Madam!

finallyhappy April 19, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Amazing how this very important issue was ignored until there was a black guy in the White House.

donner_froh April 19, 2011 at 1:35 pm

"cleaning up an area of the law where there appears to be a gap.”

Like the gap that appears between the two teeth you still have when you open your mouth to say something stupid which is all the time?

Cracker fuckwit.

CliveWarren April 19, 2011 at 1:35 pm

"Because Obama was born in Kenya and rented an apartment on one of the moons of Jupiter for eight months in 1999"

Let me guess… Europa, right? Fecking socialist…

Frost/Nixon/Robocop April 19, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Where's Bobby Jindal's birth certificate? He's too dark to be legitimately American right? Oh wait, there's an R next to his name so that makes him a real American.

DownFist Troll April 19, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Looks like someone's running for president after all.

Serolf_Divad April 19, 2011 at 1:38 pm

So when is Jindall going to start with the skin whitening treatments?

nounverb911 April 19, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Just before he gets the Klans endorsement.

BaldarTFlagass April 19, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Let's be honest here, Bobby. When it gets right down to the nut-cuttin', you're simply going to be too brown for the rest of your party, birth certificate or none.

ttommyunger April 20, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Took the thought right out of my mind, Baldar. Who the fuck does he think he is kidding, besides himself?

mrblifil April 19, 2011 at 1:38 pm

The less I hear about Bobby Jindal's "package" the better I like it…

arihaya April 19, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Jindal has a birth certificate so he doesn't afraid with that bill

written in Hindustani, but still a birth certificate

DahBoner April 19, 2011 at 2:07 pm

# HOLY JINDAL COW, MAN!!!

Guppy06 April 19, 2011 at 2:43 pm

The birth certificate he has doesn't say "Bobby" on it.

comrad_darkness April 19, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Meaning good luck boarding an airplane with that on your ticket, mofo.

lowaltflier April 19, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Namaste asshat.

Limeylizzie April 19, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Brilliant.

mrpuma2u April 19, 2011 at 2:23 pm

We bow to the petty bullshit within you, Bobby. Too chickenshit to come out and say he's an afterbirther, while pandering to them at the same time. Pathetic.

DashboardBuddha April 19, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Brilliant

weejee April 19, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Cha ti bébé, Jindal c'est un fouteur fou, pour de vrai.

'scusies the coon-ass snark.

V572..whatever April 19, 2011 at 1:40 pm

And the Jindal-for-President juggernaut (a Hindi term, after all) moves another step closer to the White House.

weejee April 19, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Not jug-earred-nut?

Gopherit April 19, 2011 at 1:40 pm

You go, Bobby! You show that liberal commie whore Jan Brewer what a REAL GOP governor is made of.

Just curious. Has anyone seen Bobby's birth certificate? He seems a little ….. curry….. to be a Louisiana native.

SayItWithWookies April 19, 2011 at 1:40 pm

A certified copy? So if President Obama gave them the copy he's had online for years plus a notarized list of where he's lived since 1997, he'd be compliant. And then Bobby "Not My Original Name" Jindal would basically be on record saying he believes President Obama was born in Hawaii? Birthers betrayed by another anchor baby!

BaldarTFlagass April 19, 2011 at 1:49 pm

But… Hawaii… volcanoes… Soshulizm!

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 19, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Don't forget, Brown People!!!!

CalamityJames April 19, 2011 at 4:12 pm

"I wonder how much Trump makes?"

ShaveTheWhales April 19, 2011 at 10:12 pm

As I read it:

1. Certified copy, yuppers. It appears that (unlike the AZ bill) this doesn't violate Article IV by trying to tell Hawaii what must be on Hawaiian birth certs.

2. I suppose that the 14-year residency thing might stand up. It is a requirement, after all, although the Constitution doesn't actually say that it has to have been the most recent fourteen years, or that the fourteen years have to be continuous.

BTW, I've always assumed that the principal intent of the 14-year rule was to delay the candidacy of anyone who had immigrated after the War, at least until that person had been a citizen for as long as the Framers. The whole section isn't the best-written part of the Constitution — "natural-born" isn't defined, and the grandfather clause — "or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of
the Adoption of this Constitution" — is at least imprecise, in that one could argue that there were no citizens of the United States prior to the adoption of the Constitution. Of course, one could also argue the other way. For that matter, at the time of drafting the Constitution, there was no one who had been "fourteen Years a Resident within the United States".

I don't know if the 14-year residency requirement was intended to be permanent, or if it was just part of the bootstrapping needed to ensure that somebody could run for President.

Hmm. Drunk already. Sorry.

LabRodent April 19, 2011 at 1:41 pm

I wonder what that guy in the baseball cap is thinking???

Barbara_i April 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm

The guy in the baseball cap is thinking, "dang, this is better than when my wife appeared on Action News, describing what the tornado sounded like as it ripped through the mobile home park." Um, let me guess? Sounded like a freight train?

BaldarTFlagass April 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm

"Why ain't this guy behind the counter at the Kwik-E-Mart talkin' on his cell phone lahk ever' other Injun feller I ever met?"

mausgeo April 19, 2011 at 2:18 pm

It's Saturday night. Where's my sister?

Texan_Bulldog April 19, 2011 at 2:45 pm

"This dude sure is brown but he ain't one of them colored folks–hair's too straight. Imma pretty sure I don't like his kind but there's a lot of cameras here."

CalamityJames April 19, 2011 at 4:13 pm

"I wonder how much Trump makes."

Lucidamente1 April 19, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Those oil-stopping berms were such a big success; it's obviously gone to Jindal's head.

LabRodent April 19, 2011 at 1:44 pm

If hes Governor then whose running the 7-11. Too Much?

Limeylizzie April 19, 2011 at 1:54 pm

No, just about right.

sezme April 19, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Let's see…
Jindal signs a law making it illegal for brown people to run for President.
Then he runs for President himself.
With a plan like that, the guy can't lose!

Oblios_Cap April 19, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Jindal makes Pawlenty seem almost energized. I guess Bobby's the actuary and Tim's the accountant.

Oblios_Cap April 19, 2011 at 1:53 pm

You do know that an accountant looks at your shoes when he's talking to you and that's how you tell them apart?

BaldarTFlagass April 19, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Should he run, I wonder if the Foxers will insist on using his birth name of Piyush Amrit Jindal with the same gusto with which they continued to repeat Barack HUSSEIN Obama.

Schmannnity April 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Who you callin' a hypocrite, Willis?

Limeylizzie April 19, 2011 at 1:54 pm

I chortled and snorted,snortled…Chorted?

ThundercatHo April 19, 2011 at 2:24 pm

$5 says his nickname in prep school was "Armpit". I just can't stop seeing that.

ShaveTheWhales April 19, 2011 at 10:13 pm

Of course not. But I can guarantee you that I will.

ManchuCandidate April 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Note to Alanis. This is IRONIC!

ShaveTheWhales April 19, 2011 at 10:13 pm

Also, MORONIC.

widestanceroman April 19, 2011 at 1:48 pm

What with all the sand berms being re-built, LA must have 0% unemployment by now.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] April 19, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Man, just when I was starting to forget he even existed…

Extemporanus April 19, 2011 at 1:49 pm

According to Jindal—an Evangelical Catholic Hindu who believes that life begins at reincarnception—his mother was already four months pregnant with him when they immigrated from India.

So, "Bobby", about that Birther Bill? Ahhh, Piyush it…Piyush it reeeal good!

DaSandman April 19, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Greasy Bobby isn't fit to be a crossing guard outside the offices of the Koch Foundation, let alone be president. And Bobby, guess what? When your Repugs country club chums call you and Nikki "swarthy" or "dusky", they mean "nigger"

I'm just saying man…

Mumbletypeg April 19, 2011 at 1:56 pm

He still thinks the darkest power is just before 'tawn'-y.

ttommyunger April 20, 2011 at 12:34 pm

BINGO!

Dudleydidwrong April 19, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Parents born, where?, Punjab? Isn't that over north of Duson, west of Carencro? Jindal's parents must have been coonasses for soooo long that those brown waters of the Achafalaya and the hot sun have done a real job on turning his skin from lucious white to brackish-brownish-color. Just love those Punjabi mud bugs. Trump/Jindal 2012

Schmannnity April 19, 2011 at 1:50 pm

From the state where an official state record of live birth is not good enough but a diaper wearing, prostitute frequenting U.S. Senator is. No wonder the curbs in New Orleans are filled with vomit.

MildMidwesterner April 19, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Forget "Jindal." "Louisiana" sounds foreign to me.

horsedreamer_1 April 19, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Give it back to France.

yyyaz April 19, 2011 at 2:32 pm

We should be so lucky.

MildMidwesterner April 19, 2011 at 1:54 pm

A grand night does not end in a birth. It ends with an awkward conversation and half-hearted breakfast date.

CliveWarren April 19, 2011 at 2:19 pm

If a date is a grand a night I can barely afford the introductory handshake.

Limeylizzie April 19, 2011 at 1:55 pm

The Dusky Darling of Dixie has spoke.

LouBristol April 19, 2011 at 1:56 pm

have. may have

BaldarTFlagass April 19, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Don't know why they call these folks "coon-ass," with the implied racial epithet, when a simple "dumb-ass" will do.

Goonemeritus April 19, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Your move Donald.

Blendergoathead April 19, 2011 at 2:02 pm

I DEMAND TO SEE HIS H1-B VISA!!!1

KeepFnThatChicken April 19, 2011 at 2:05 pm

For all this talk about a birth certificate, you would think these people are concerned that Obama was hatched.

OneYieldRegular April 19, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Can you people please stop interrupting me with all your birther issues? I'm trying to watch "Rosemary's Baby."

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 19, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Thank God someone is doing something about this issue. Ever since they let that damn Chinaman Reagan get elected, we have needed something like this.

yyyaz April 19, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Hmmm…a mongol/manchu mix would explain a lot.

ShaveTheWhales April 19, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Why you think they called him "Dutch", mmm?

hagajim April 19, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Please to be screwing you Mr. Preznit….says the Indian fucking governor of the most currupt shithole in America! Good work Bobby….or is it Shiva?

Eve8Apples April 19, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Will this law require the candidate to show his schlong to Jindal? And if so, will Bobby show his appreciation by tossing the candidate some beads and coins?

user-of-owls April 19, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Um, before we throw poor Jan to the lobos and coronate the Miniature Dot-Head queen, you simply must consider this evidence:
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/04/19/brewer

glamourdammerung April 19, 2011 at 2:51 pm

So much for the alleged conservative respect of property rights and contracts.

ShaveTheWhales April 19, 2011 at 10:35 pm

1. Having been the occasional oppressee of HOA's in the past, I don't see this as such a problem. If it's really offensive to the neighbors, someone will cut down the flagpole.

2. Until it was co-opted by the teabaggers, the Gadsden flag always seemed to me to be pretty cool, as a battle flag. It's way too cartoonish for an actual national flag, but it still has some historical interest.

3. One wonders how long a visually equivalent "Don't Teabag On Me" flag might fly until someone noticed the difference. And how the affected HOA might respond. I'm a sucker for cheap entertainment.

horsedreamer_1 April 19, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Since he's all but declared for Presidential nomination, Christina is already readying her challenge to unfair use for when Bobby chooses "Jindal in a Bottle" as his campaign theme.

tcaalaw April 19, 2011 at 2:20 pm

That post deserves some sort of award for cramming the most varied political references into two sentences.

baconzgood April 19, 2011 at 2:26 pm

I prefer krugerrands. Send them c/o Baconzgood General Delivery PA 15201.

chicken_thief April 19, 2011 at 2:23 pm

I don't give a shit what Mr. Hindu is willing to sign – it'll be another 100 yrs before he lives down that SOTU response from his foyer with his freakin Adam's apple bobbing away in the neck of that shirt like a pea in the ocean. Stay away from the cameras Piyush – they aren't your friends….

mereoblivion April 19, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Er, "Mr. Hindu"? Surely, sir, you mean "Mr. Towelhead"?!

glamourdammerung April 19, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Who is Bobby Jindal? Louisana's governor is Piyush Jindal.

Guppy06 April 19, 2011 at 2:53 pm

American intelligence was already suspect when they continued giving a damn about the pronouncements of a rating agency that handed out AAA ratings to mortgage-backed securities.

BZ1 April 19, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Seabaugh: "I don’t purport to be a ‘birther." Purport meaning "yes, I am."

ShaveTheWhales April 19, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Actually, I think "purport" = "admit".

comrad_darkness April 19, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Piyush means Drink of the Gods
and Amrit means Immortal

I hate to admit it, but this really fits New Orleans.

ttommyunger April 20, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Or Immoral?

Toomush_Infer April 19, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Hey, I just want a DNA test on Jindal, just to make sure he's a Real (TM) American…

HELisforHEL April 19, 2011 at 4:07 pm

No. But that's a great idea.

metamarcisf April 19, 2011 at 4:52 pm

In a so-called "state" which ranks last in every category except those in which their inbred cousin, Mississippi dominates, Gov. Jindal has prioritized the issues according to his eminent judgment. The beaches may still be fucked, the City of New Orleans scares away all but the Chinese with the crime rate and Saints are doomed to the second division but at least the State presidential ballot won't contain anyone of democrat descent next year. Fuck you, Mr & Mrs Jindal

lochnessmonster April 19, 2011 at 5:39 pm

I thought these were all strict Constituionists. Why would they ever want to change that? Before you know it, no one will be qualified to be president.

Gleem_McShineys April 19, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Oh, I may have found the reason WHY Bobby might want to pass this bill in his state.

It involves Penis Certificates.

SERIOUSLY.
http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/valleyfever/2011

grigoritheocto April 19, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Ohmygodjesuschrist! How the fuck does there "appear to be a gap?" Seriously?! Is it actually humanly possible for someone that is foreign born to be elected? I mean, come on. We're talking about one of the most powerful governments in the world. With all of the other conspiracies that people believe the US government is capable of pulling off, do people really think that they wouldn't know if the President faked his fucking birth certificate?

I want so badly for this legislation to pass so that team Obama can say, "Okay," and then hand them the same goddamned copy of the birth certificate that's been available since 1734 on the Internet. Fuck!

grigoritheocto April 19, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Ohmygodjesuschrist! How the fuck does there "appear to be a gap?" Seriously?! Is it actually humanly possible for someone that is foreign born to be elected? I mean, come on. We're talking about one of the most powerful governments in the world. With all of the other conspiracies that people believe the US government is capable of pulling off, do people really think that they wouldn't know if the President faked his fucking birth certificate?

Negropolis April 20, 2011 at 12:02 am

Piyush, eh? That sounds a little (South) Asian to me…

Are we sure ole Piyush was born in America? He was conceived in India to two non-natives. Show me your birf certificate. Wouldn't it be great to start a rumor that Piyush was actually born in India (or on a plane from India)…?

fuflans April 20, 2011 at 12:36 am

well we could, but then we might have to learn more about bristol palin's ovulation cycles.

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 2:36 am

"Because Obama was born in Kenya and rented an apartment on one of the moons of Jupiter for eight months in 1999."

since Mars doesn't have any moons why not Jupiter?

Negropolis April 20, 2011 at 4:08 am

While they are little more than glorified rocks, last I checked, Mars had two moons.

poncho_pilot April 20, 2011 at 2:40 pm

well, you should let O'Reilly know. i think i read one of Mars' moon is supposed to crash into Mars sometime in the, relatively speaking, near future. moon orbits, moon crashes down. can't explain it.

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