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Ku Klux Klan Distances Selves From Westboro Baptist Church, Tea Party

The Ku Klux Klan, LLC. has not or EVER will have ANY connection with The “Westboro Baptist Church”. We absolutely repudiate their tactics of protesting the funerals of U.S. soldiers, men and women who die serving our Nation. We do NOT question their Christianity or right to speak, publish or preach. We agree with many of their teachings, especially that Homosexuality is an abomination before Yahvey God the Father.

Whew. Almost thought they were gay. Good thing they cleared that right up.

The Ku Klux Klan, LLC. Does NOT support or represent the “TEA PARTY”. Our Associates, members and supporters are here officially ordered: NOT to attend Tea Party events or support them in ANY way. The Tea Party does not represent any but a shallow limited political agenda, which fails to serve our Nations interests. They are an extension of the Republican Party and seek to compromise it. We do NOT support any political party, all have betrayed the trust of the American people, and they have compromised their agenda to support the Progressive Socialist enslavement of the American people.

Haha, they just called the Teabaggers socialists. THIS is a fight we want to see. (And maybe it would give black people a little respite?) Where’s Think Progress on this? They need to introduce the Teabaggers to few KKKers and film it for our enjoyment. [KKK via Reddit]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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109 comments

  1. Barbara_i

    Yes, the KKK is so supportive of U.S. soldiers. What would be their show of respect? Lowering the burning crosses to half mast?

    1. __kth__

      Joe Lieberman and Marty Peretz will lead Talmud classes for them, if they promise to support ethnically cleansing the occupied territories when the time is right.

  2. the_problem_child

    Klan: They're not racist enough for our tastes.

    Teabaggers: They don't USE ENOUGH ALLCAPS for our tastes.

      1. Negropolis

        Someone needs to tell them that you don't wear white after Labor day, though. It's so passe.

  3. BlueStateLibel

    It would be a great fight to watch–guys wearing hoods and robes waging battle against fat people in hoverrounds. I'd pay to see it.

    1. Gopherit

      I dunno. Infantry, esp with their vision obscured by hoods, would have a hard time standing against the Rascal Cavalry.

    2. Raoul Libpuke IV

      You just know they'd eventually figure out they both hate the Blacks, then start totally making out on the battlefield. All those fat, sweaty, wrinkly, bearded hicks covered with grass stains and blood, getting on like high schools on prom night. And since any penetration would take place through a sheet it would definitely not be gay!

    3. Negropolis

      The two aren't mutually exclusive. I'd wager quite a few of the white hoods would be bescootered.

  4. hagajim

    You know you've truly gone off the rails when you're a bunch of racist assholes and the Klan still doesn't want anything to do with you.

  5. Sue4466

    When the KKK tells you to dial it back a notch or two, you know you've gone 'round the bend for sure.

  6. nounverb911

    "We do NOT support any political party, all have betrayed the trust of the American people, and they have compromised their agenda to support the Progressive Socialist enslavement of the American people."
    Since when is the KKK against slavery?

  7. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    First the Klan came for the Westboro Baptist,
    and I didn't speak out because I wasn't batshit crazy.

    Then they came for the Tea Party,
    and I didn't speak out because I wasn't batshit crazy.

    Then they came for the Republicans,
    and I didn't speak out because I wasn't batshit crazy.

    Then they came for me
    and there was no one batshit crazy enough to speak out for me.

  8. Sue4466

    "all have betrayed the trust of the American people, and they have compromised their agenda to support the Progressive Socialist enslavement of the American people"

    Ah, so it's just regressive enslavement of American (black) people the KKK supports. How nuanced of them.

  9. Texan_Bulldog

    Wonder if the Klan knows the armed services (esp. the US Army) are comprised of LOTS of black/brown people? Guess it's probably okay to picket their funerals.

  10. SorosBot

    Of course, they wait until the teabaggers' party has dwindled to the point where all of their big state capital rallies yesterday only got a few dozen people each to distance themselves.

  11. Lascauxcaveman

    Yes, the farther into the rightmost infra-red spectrum of the crazy right you go, you will find no end of subgroups that hate each other as much as they hate us normals. And the reason they hate each other is usually over some minor schismatic point like the preference of semi-automatic over fully automatic weapons, or that Saint John the Baptist was taller than Saint Peter.

    This is why there are 1100 different denominations of Baptist churches in America, that vast majority of which have membership in double digits.

    1. Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

      I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge,
      about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! don't do it!"

      "Why shouldn't I?" he said.

      I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

      He said, "Like what?"

      I said, "Well…are you religious or atheist?"

      He said, "Religious."

      I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

      He said, "Christian."

      I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

      He said, "Protestant."

      I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

      He said, "Baptist!"

      I said, "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

      He said, "Baptist Church of God!"

      I said, "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed
      Baptist Church of God?"

      He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!"

      I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879,
      or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"

      He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"

      I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.

      –Emo Phillips

      1. memzilla

        I actually saw a snippet of a PBS documentary on which a white West Virginian claimed that he lived in a "very diverse" community because there were forty different flavors of Baptists living there.

    2. SorosBot

      It's strange to think of how many ways The Life of Brian is one of the most accurate depictions of humanity ever made.

      Which reminds me I've got to watch it this Friday, which is the day to commit blasphemy and heresy.

  12. Oblios_Cap

    When the spiritual heirs of Nathan Forrest think you're loopy, you've gotta be way off the deep end.

  13. weejee

    So since the Klan is not a fan of teabagging, in the traditional sense, then it follows that they don't like the Teaparty.

    *cogitate, cogitate, head asplodes*

  14. harry_palmer

    These people are so embarassing it make them want to duck their head under a sheet or something.

  15. BaldarTFlagass

    Part 1
    Well I've always lived, the country life
    Got a double wide, and a second wife
    The world outside my trailer was a mystery.
    And my poppa, he didn't have a clue
    Hated Spics and Jews, Chinks and Jigaboos
    Said that whites were the greatest race in history.
    Now I couldn't play, with the colored folks
    Laugh at Cosby's jokes, or watch Diff'rent Strokes
    I was content to leave them colored folks alone.
    But then I got me some cable TV
    I'm watching BET and Oprah Winfrey
    I traded in my hood for a cellular phone.
    Now ignorance just ain’t the way
    Check out my website, and you’ll hear me say

    I’m an open-minded redneck, pass the chitlins please
    It’s okay if you are gay, or your car is Japanese
    Cuz I shake hands with the Mexi-cans
    And I’m glad we set the black man free
    I’m an open-minded redneck
    Hillbilly PC

  16. BaldarTFlagass

    Part 2
    Now I changed my life, and I’ll tell you what
    I date a sister now, with a ghetto butt
    I spark up a J just to let the brothers know I’m down
    And I even hang, with Latino bra’s
    When they pass the joint, I just say Gracias!
    Think I’ll move my trailer to the southside of town.
    I don’t like David Duke, I think that he’s a jerk
    But I love Whoopi Goldberg, I seen all her work
    Man them Jews sure know just how to tell a joke.
    But my favorite friends, Native Americans
    Cuz they like gettin’ drunk, and bangin’ lesbians
    So spark up the peace pipe brother for another toke.
    Bowl of beans and rice looks good to me
    Check out my dreadlocks, ya know I’m proud to be

    (Chorus)

    Don’t need no white to girl to get me loose
    Cuz the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice
    (repeat chorus)

    I work with the kid that wrote this (singer/lead), these guys are great. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1qfCTOy6as

  17. SayItWithWookies

    …they have compromised their agenda to support the Progressive Socialist enslavement of the American people.

    Okay, who let the Klan know about the progressive plantations, where massa sits on the veranda while the slaves (the able ones over 18, anyway) toil in the fields with only a 15-minute break every two hours for calisthenics and fresh water, then home after a long eight-hour day so the brutes can pick up their children from playgroup, see the doctor and the dentist and are then forced to stay in their passive solar slave quarters where they're given only meager rations of free-range meats (for the carnivores) and fresh organic vegetables from the community garden? Dammit, if they hear about places like the South, they'll be escaping and integrating the restaurants, and we'll never find happy skilled labor to finish these wind turbines.

  18. Badonkadonkette

    We absolutely repudiate their tactics of protesting the funerals of U.S. soldiers, men and women who die serving our Nation.

    I hate these motherfuckers and the fact that they dishonor veterans basically by their very existence, but I'll give them this: they speak much better English than Sarah Palin.

    1. ThundercatHo

      I know but I still read it as refudiate. Guess by brain just automatically tries to translate dumbass.

  19. Gopherit

    I'm glad the Klan and Westboro were able to settle there differences. Only in coming together through their shared interest in the destruction of the mudpeople, fags, and Jews can they hope to make this a world fit for Jesus to come back and party.

    1. emmelemm

      Yes, note that it's not that both groups don't hate the browns, the Jews, the fags… It's merely a policy disagreement as to how to protest them. (Soldier's funeral vs. lawn cross burnin'.)

  20. HELisforHEL

    I do hope these miscellaneous collapsing neocon platforms keep it up. Paranoids, delusionals and just plain bat-shit crazies all pointing fingers at one another denying their similarities. It's quite entertaining.

  21. Schmannnity

    This is a head fake. The Klan doesn't want its members undermining the TPers by showing up at their stupid "rallies." What's next, the Grand Dragon decries birthers?

  22. KeepFnThatChicken

    I don't know why the fuck not. If they didn't want to hang around browns, a tea party rally's as good as a Klan rally.

    1. GOPCrusher

      I'm sure she will find this an opportunity to point it out as further proof that Tea Baggers aren't racists.

  23. Callyson

    Our Associates, members and supporters are here officially ordered: NOT to attend Tea Party events or support them in ANY way.
    Gee, that wouldn't be jealousy I hear from the KKK, would it?

  24. 4tehlulz_lite

    Jan Brewer and the KKK have told the teatards to stfu.

    Can we have the reassuring warmth of nuclear holocaust please? This is getting nuts.

  25. donner_froh

    The Klan is in trouble–they will soon need all the allies they can get since the price of cotton has risen so sharply recently. Unless they want to go with tacky polyester for those hoods and robes.

  26. DaRooster

    "The Tea Party does not represent any but a shallow limited political agenda, which fails to serve our Nations interests."

    This is the KKK? Wow, they are the awesomest.

  27. Redhead

    I'm not sure what's more amusing – that the Klan thinks the tea party is too shallow and wants to forbid their members from being involved, or that the Klan actually uses better grammar than the tea party.

  28. Terry

    "progressive socialism", translation: we really really love the GOP and the teabaggers, but have been specifically been told by lawyers representing the Koch Brothers and Dick Armey that we can only do so in lightly veiled code.

  29. KeepFnThatChicken

    This is like the irony of how convicted rapists get along in prison — by getting raped. Imagine a press release about your group from the Klan saying "Fuck no! We don't want any part of 'em!"

  30. WinterOuthouse

    Jesus H Christ! KKK denounces Tea Party? Cue Glenn Beck conspiracy theory in 4, 3, 2,

  31. WinterOuthouse

    Why does Glenn Beck spell his name with double n at the end? It doesn't alter the pronunciation. Like spelling nunn or runn or sunn or donn

      1. WinterOuthouse

        Well, as long as there's a reason. I don't like him. His buzz cut hair reminds of my Dad. He irrates me. Enough said?

    1. WinterOuthouse

      Since their main camp is/was right out of Coeur d 'Alene Idaho, they're probably incorporated in Idaho. Nazi to the North, Mormons to the south all very orderly.

  32. Negropolis

    Bumfights, y'all! Divide and conquer. They are giving us an opening. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

    A limited liability? Who'd a thunk? Who are their lawyers and publicists?

  33. Negropolis

    You guys know the true victim, here, right? Sarah Palin.

    BTW, nobody puts Westboro in the corner. They cornered crazy.

  34. [redacted]hse

    This is great news. I wasn't sure if I should join the KKK because occasionally they seem a little extreme. Now my mind is at ease; these reasonable fellows will make fine chums, and I'm off to the white sale at Bed N Bath.

  35. ttommyunger

    "Ku Klux Klan Distances Selves From Westboro Baptist Church, Tea Party." On the other hand, they'd really like to get those niggers out of the White House, sooner rather than later. That is all.

  36. DarkStar_88

    *jawdrop*

    You *know* you're too extreme when you've lost the KKK. A homegrown terrorist organization that used to burn crosses and people isn't repulsed by a whole lot.

  37. pinkocommi

    I'm pretty sure the only reason the KKK wears those long white sheets is to hide their neon pink toenails.

Comments are closed.