things you can never unsee

James O’Keefe Dances and Sings In Flamboyant YouTube Musical

For reasons which are sort of obvious, James O’Keefe donned his favorite Village People construction worker costume — the one with the assless chaps — and then sang a song about Mary Landrieu. What? “Dancing” and auto-tuned vomit starts at around 3:00. (Also, check out this video’s YouTube channel. We assume the “Favorite Videos” are all Flipcam close-ups of Andrew Breitbart’s wang? Close! One of two favorite videos is “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross.) Yup. Time to uninstall the Internet. Again. [Weigel via Wonkette operative “Luke”]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

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  • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

    Will. Not. Watch.

    • Callyson

      Very. Wise. Choice.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      No. Fucking. Kidding.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Riley, I'm a little concerned about your fixation with Breitbart. He's a bad man; you must resist his crazy lure!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Oh.My.Flying Spaghetti Monster.

    P.S. People, you must play it.

    For the baby LULZ that will be tossed into trashcans and dumpsters, unloved, if you don't.
    ~

    • under_score

      And, you *must* watch to the end. I almost aborted some baby LULZ by clicking stop after the song and dance routine. But fortunately I was confused enough by Michael Jackson's feet making an appearance, so I did not miss the parkour and violence part of the vid.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Needs more dildos. Besides O'Keefe, that is.

  • $exy$murf

    This should put an end to those rumors about him being gay.

    • LabRodent

      In the same way Obama COLB put a end to his not being born here.

  • Lucidamente1

    If Weigel keeps this up, he may set himself on fire.

    • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

      Haha, see what you did there.

  • Chillwaver

    Once again, fuck you Andy Brietbart…

  • loulouroo

    Worst Kickstarter video EVER. I know he's desperate for money, but, really? Can we pull the plug on his 15 minutes and throw his scrawny ass in prison already? And, being apparently gay, I think he'll enjoy his time there.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    This douche makes Palin look presidential.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Palin/O'Keefe 2012

  • BornInATrailer

    Someone is going to have to watch this for me, sorry.

    EDIT: OK, I lied. Gayest video since "Outside" but unlike George Michael, this was truly terrible.

  • Schmannnity

    Vanilla Tool.

    • CliveWarren

      But where were Enema Man and Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dog?

  • OkieDokieDog

    Oh I hope James Dildo O'Keefe's assless chaps doesn't chafe his delicate under-developed boy parts. Surely Breitbart has some soothing lotion handy – just in case.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    The spaz editing has given me a headache. This guy's attention must be measured in milliseconds.

  • SorosBot

    Yeah um, I'm gonna take your word for this.

    • Raoul Libpuke IV

      Sames here. Between Lee Harvey O’Keefe and Big Guv Sphincter Face…life's just too short

      • SorosBot

        I did try, but only made it about ten seconds. This guy is one of the biggest racist misogynist douchebags on the planet; I can't watching him bragging about being such a douche.

  • nounverb911

    Coming next week on American Idol: Sharon Angle and James O'keefe together at last!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Doing "Bess, You Is My Woman Now" from Porgy & Bess?

      edit in response to the downfister

      Doing "Bess, You Is My Woman Now" from Porgy & Bess while in blackface wearing Superfly era ho' & pimp outfits?

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        And see, now you're positive… it worked!

  • $exy$murf

    Where's Keyboard Cat when you need him?

  • CliveWarren

    Saul Alinsky seems to have a cursor-fairy hovering around him at all times. A BLACK cursor-fairy!

    BTW this video seems to be heavily edited so maybe we shouldn't jump to conclusions too quickly.

  • prommie

    Thats a whole nother level of douchey assholish douchebaggery, there, when someone plea-bargains their criminal charges, and then releases a video taunting the victim of their crime. Its the kinda thing that makes prosecutors and judges upset, when you demonstrate that you think it was all just a funny ha ha jokey joke.

    • jus_wonderin

      I pray his judge is watching. This is seriously something that upsets me.

    • Beowoof

      Without his dad, O'Queef would be happily getting banged at Lewisburg Federal Prison right now. (Lewisberg is the home of the famous Toss My Salad Man).

      • prommie

        You think O'Keefe would go for the jelly?

        • BaldarTFlagass

          He'll make ya breakfast
          He'll make ya toast
          He don't use butter
          He don't use cheese
          He don't use jelly
          Or any of these
          He uses vaseline
          He uses vaseline

          • GunToting[Redacted]

            Upfist for the old Flaming Lips reference. OT – I used to DJ in college and I had a love/hate relationship with this album… Great songs, but the version we had was pressed on clear vinyl, which made it impossible to cue up any track but the first on each side.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            After all these years, I still find it hard to believe those guys are a bunch of Okies.

  • slithytoves

    Sorry, had to stop when the Michael Jackson moves came into play.

  • Gopherit

    He is all about dignity. I bet Andy Breitbart has the version where he does this naked.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChurchofRealism

      Whilst thinking of young Riley…

  • Oblios_Cap

    The horror. The horror.

    Wags, you've got to stop writing these posts that feature Andy. People will talk. More.

  • CliveWarren

    How the hell do you even make fun of this?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChurchofRealism

    He needs to be fuck-sawed into oblivion for shitting on my eyes and ears like this…

  • whiterabid

    Why did I watch that? I don't want to know about this deviant subculture, even if they are going to end the republic and install our first dictator.

  • widestanceroman

    This is as close to a JO'K sex tape as Wonkette would ever let us get, right?

    And what are those white people doing with their bodies? They seem to be moving about to some end, but no clue is given as to why.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      This is as close to a JO'K sex tape as Wonkette JO'K would ever let us get. right?

      Fixed.

  • trumpbly_joe

    WERES JAMES O'KEEFE'S PULITZER TONY!!!!?!

  • mavenmaven

    How much for that girl with the black hair to the left behind him at 3:44?

  • Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

    You know that scene in The Producers where the audience is just sitting there with their mouths open, completely flabbergasted by what they just saw?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Okay, in the previous post the revolution was eating itself. Now the revolution is sucking its own dick. So not gonna watch. At least until I get home.

    • widestanceroman

      You'll love the scene where he self-rims while Andy B. . .nah, I won't give out spoilers today.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Yeah, my imagination's bad enough — reality will just make it worse.
        And to clarify my comment above, I'm waiting until I get home so I can be properly sedated enough to watch the damn thing, not out of some prurient need for privacy. Ya sickos.

        • widestanceroman

          Save 2/3s of your medication for afterward. You'll thank me later.

          • Nothingisamiss

            I do not expect that any of my meds are gonna wipe this out.

  • CapnFatback

    Somewhere, Pat Boone is twitching uncontrollably.

    • ttommyunger

      Now there's a picture. Douche collection achieving completion…

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    The still which appears on my screen (nope! ain't gonna push "play") shows Andy Breitbart with a convenient hole in his face, in which to shove a bag filled with throbbing purple dicks.

    • prommie

      The name of my imaginary rock band (of which I am the imaginary lead singer) has just been changed to The Throbbing Purple Dicks.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Breitbart always looks like someone just pulled a dick out of his mouth, and he's so sad about it.

  • baconzgood

    Horrid GWAR cover.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    You've been shit on by a Smooth Criminal!

  • frostbitefalls

    What's with the gratuitous black guy? Same guy who was in "Friday," right?

    • Beowoof

      Probably some poor guy that needed a job.

  • Callyson

    I hereby apologize for each and every snarky remark I ever made about fans of classic (aka dinosaur) rock being stuck in a time warp. After hearing this, I now understand why some people simply won't take the chance of listening to something new…

  • phlox✔

    Well, he's got some moves. Sure, they're all bad moves. But still.
    Plus, all those white people dancing (poorly) together hurt my brainz.

  • SmutBoffin

    Wait, didn't O'Keefe go broke? Where did he get the monies for a film crew and da fly gurlz?

  • metamarcisf

    The Pulitzer Prizes were announced yesterday. Congratulations are in order to James O'Keefe who won in the Investigative Reporting category. His attempted seduction of a left wing female CNN reporter by trying to lure her onto a yacht for a evening of carnal debauchery exhibited tremendous courage. Way to go Jimmy, Your work here, along with the $10,000 award, will hopefully inspire a generation of undergraduate meth addicts to pursue a career in journalism

  • DahBoner

    This is a fraud!

    The real James O'Keefe would have done this video in blackface

    • crybabyboehner

      He is growing as an artist, that's all.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Brietbart boy-toy jealousy.

  • waitforsugar

    I got as far as "open your mouth and taste it" before the uncontrollable giggles/bile situation got out of hand.

    Wags, you can always crash with me if you need to hide from Breitbart.

    • widestanceroman

      THIS is why I watched without sound. One sense must always be spared when looking at these things.

  • TanzbodenKoenig

    My favorite is when it opens with the scene of him smoking a cig that looks suspiciously like Breitbart's cock

    • widestanceroman

      Both of which he chokes on off-screen, too.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The last person I saw dance like that was Corey Haim, and we all know what happened to Corey Haim.

  • BklynIlluminati

    So this is his coming out of the closet video? So proud of you James with you coming to terms with your identity!

  • loulouroo

    As a New Orleans resident. I find this particularly revolting. I wonder if Judge Knowles enjoys being made fun of? Would this violate the terms of his probation? I sure hope so!

  • Beowoof

    Too bad those weren't real FBI agents with loaded guns.

  • hagajim

    Ahhhh…you can always count on O'Queef to deliver the goods.

  • JoeBiteme

    This is the kind of critically poor judgement that renews my faith in the GOP…

  • timbo71351

    He and Breitbart both need big time ass whippings.

  • __kth__

    I don't get Scene I. Clearly he's turning tricks in an office building parking lot, so why would it represent some kind of martyrdom for him to get arrested for it?

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    If O'Keefe keeps humiliating himself like this I just might have to send him a donation.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I hope he smokes 3 packs a day.

    • jus_wonderin

      Cigarettes?

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Stupid black masked anarchists do nothing but bother DC residents when they could be trying to scare the life out of this little shit.

  • elviouslyqueer

    World's worst Dance Dance Revolution promo EVER.

  • __kth__

    also, congratulations MSM: you fell for this guy's bullshit several times after knowing he'd lied to you about the ACORN prank.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Gay as hell.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Honey please. Even hell isn't this gay.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    And the Studio 54 whistles…presumably an homage to John "Mustache" Bolton, who was oh-so fly back in the dizzay.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    If anyone needs me I'll be jumping off the nearest tall building.

  • crybabyboehner

    If Crockett and Tubbs were gay, they would have been sipping martinis on a boat like James and his friend.

  • ThundercatHo

    Could not make it past 3:19. White boy can't dance.

  • FidoMcCokefiend

    This is O'Keefe's "Trapped in a Closet". Which obviously means he'll be pissing on Brietbart shortly.

  • Buckminster

    The dancing makes Bristol Palin look absolutely stellar!

  • FidoMcCokefiend

    Props to everyone involved in shooting that video for not beating O'Keefe to death with a bag of dildos. There is no way I could control myself enough.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    There might be some inducement to convince me to click on a video featuring that stupid motherfucker Breitbart but it hasn't happened yet. Watching James O'Keefe dance while waving his dick around (or whatever he does) makes it even more unlikely.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      Fine I'll summarize it. James O'Keefe is a martyr under constant government surveillance and the target of blatant police brutality. But he rises above all this by singing to school students, as part of his community service, and soon he is being celebrated as a "cool guy," and girl's like him at last! Then the shit goes off the hook when he pulls out his impression of MJ from the "Billie Jean" video, while letting us know that accusations that his videos are heavily edited hurt him deeply inside. Oh and he brings back his irrepressible "pimp" character, secure in the knowledge that conservative frat boys will roar with laughter as if Falstaff had just walked on stage in Shakespeare's London. He also violently breaks a lot of glass in a fit of self-righteous pique. Then, while he's bumping uglies with various daughters of influential donors induced with the promise of sandwich coupons to appear in the video, some douchebag pretending he's an AD on a legitimate film shoot announces that "Mr. James O'Keefe" is released for the day. The multiple ironic levels this final sequence invokes with would fill a thesis at Columbia Film School.

  • Radio_Level_7

    34 seconds. He even smokes like a dick.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Back in my day, the untouchables just started a band so girls would talk to them.

  • carlgt1

    I guess he's trying to be the anti-Assange?

  • bordo2

    When I think of tough guys, I always think of a skinny-assed white boy done up in Rutgers cool driving a Volvo (a fucking liberal Volvo???) and puffing on a cigarette as if for the first time. I think the 11-year-old girl who lives next door could kick the shit out of this paleface punk. God help him if he ever met a group of brothers.

    I can't understand why O'Queefe and his fat overlord think this is a cool video, but I refuse to visit any Breitfart site because I don't want to give him the traffic. Can anyone enlighten me?

  • jakegittes

    Is that Alito in the dance number?

  • WilliamHTaft

    We can probably end his career if we just haphazardly splice in a few minutes of giant black man on skinny white guy porn. People would fall for it and it would only be slightly more gay than this.

  • iburl

    See what happens when William Hung rapes Justin Timberlake's Teabagging Aunt, Larry?

  • iburl

    Thanks for the bailout, suckers!
    I'm going to Hollywood!!

  • ttommyunger

    No sale, Riley. Not enough money in the world to induce me to watch anything involving any of these douchnozzles. Did enjoy the comments, though, as always.

  • rushevents

    Gay slurs anyone? Anyone?

  • PhilippePetain

    I love how there was that study a while back which showed that the conservatives don't understand satire, or what makes it funny. This video renders that study completely unecessary.