but we hope that vineyard vines bum can float. he can right?

Benevolent God Floods Georgetown

Storms this weekend raged through the mid-Atlantic, and the Act of God (like another Act of God, the U.S. Constitution) left dozens dead. Still, there was a reason the Lord did this: to rid the world of Georgetown once and for all.

Laura Keivel, who passed along the images from the Harbour this morning, tells DCist that there’s “heavy damage to Tony and Joe’s, Farmers and Fishers, Cabanas, and Sequoia, as well as the large fountain.”

“It appeared that two of the flood gates broke possibly early this morning,” said Keivel. “I went downstairs to get the mail, and you can hear the water pouring in the elevators.”

There’s always a purpose. [DCist]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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  • Gopherit

    Tell me when the deluge reaches the capitol

    • CrankyLttlCamperette

      It won't — that's why we're on a Hill.

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        If Jebus wants it to, he can do anything!

  • hagajim

    The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time by flushing out the cesspool.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Are there black people sitting on their roofs, and looting the Food King?

    • Preferred Customer

      No. This is Georgetown.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Are there white people sitting on the roofs of their Beamers and looting Nordstroms?

        • Preferred Customer

          According to the video from the local news, there were many German luxury sedans and upscale restaurants damaged or destroyed by the flood. The clip shows a particularly pitiful looking V12 Mercedes S-class being pulled from the deep.

          EDIT: Looking on the bright side, destruction of that single grosser Benz is likely to reduce global warming by .0001 degree.

          • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

            Don't worry, a new one is on its way.

        • ttommyunger

          White folk "scavenge" only the blacks "loot", pilgrim.

  • AFKensington

    Isn't everything an act of god? Abortion, murder, wrongful imprisonment, muslims?

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledfetus

    Is rain God's tears or pee? I forget.

    • DaRooster

      I think a good thing to tell a kid, when he asks,"Where does rain come from?" is, "God is crying". And when he asks,"Why is God crying? tell him,"Probably something you did."

      -Jack Handey
      (Truthfully I think it is something Repugs have done)

      • DustBowlBlues

        Thanks. I'd forgotten that broadcast of Deep Thoughts.

      • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

        They used to sacrifice children in South America, maybe if we bring that back, God will rain on Texas which is suffering through a once a 100 year drought. Maybe we should start worshiping real American gods like the creator god of the Incans, Pachamac.

      • 102415

        Actually, that's what the preacher told my mother when my grandfather died in a hit and run crossing the street. She was fourteen. True story.

  • Mahousu

    heavy damage to Tony and Joe’s, Farmers and Fishers, Cabanas, and Sequoia

    Looks like God is a restaurant critic. One whose judgment I can't disagree with.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledfetus

      I thought God was a real estate developer.

      • OC_ROBOTS!!_Serf

        I heard God is a Civil Engineer. Who else could of got the permits to build an amusement park next to a sewage plant??

        (try the veal)

    • SorosBot

      We need Arielle to compare the damaged restaurants.

      • jus_wonderin

        LOL. I read that as Ariel, the little mermaid. And ya know, it works too.

        • James Michael Curley

          Works with it being a Tempest and all.

  • DaRooster

    How's the fishin'?

    • http://timothysees.blogspot.com/ natl_indecency_cmdr

      lotsa crappies.

      • DaRooster


  • chascates

    Allah actually meant for it to rain on the fires in Texas but got sidetracked by watching Meet the Press.

    • nounverb911

      Unedited line from "Field of Dreams"
      "Are we in hell? No Texas!"

      • DustBowlBlues

        Since Perry's demanded federal help, I'm assuming that whole secession thing is off the table for another couple of months.

        • jus_wonderin

          I can't even get up the snark for this one. Perry is such an asshole.

          • horsedreamer_1

            Barack should smack it down citing disaster relief as an unenumerated power, thus one endowed of the States, individually, & not within the Federal purview.

        • GOPCrusher

          Barry should tell Perry to fuck off.

        • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

          Have the CIA deliver federal help via armed drones.

  • nounverb911

    Paging Noah! God on line two.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Looks all those students who skipped Arc Building 101, 102 and 103 are shit out of luck.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Glenn Beck said this would happened when Hillary Clinton first brought lesbianism to the State Department.

  • DownFist Troll

    Clearly Georgetown had too many homo-communist parades celebrating the caliphate, imo.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    All those catfish in the elevator shafts are going to be smelling real sweet come Thursday.

  • OC_ROBOTS!!_Serf

    and if just one Georgetown girl goes missing, the ENTIRE news will be staring at shiny objects again…

    • DustBowlBlues

      Like the news of the North Carolina tornadoes (note to news talkers: they're only called Twisters outside the tornado belt) featuring video of a damaged house and the tragic story of family that wasn't home but shared how damaged they would have been in they had been home.

      MSNBC The place for politics.

  • SorosBot

    God hates predominantly rich, white & preppie college kids?

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      Everyone does especially when they try to rap.

  • Troubledog

    Free water? This must be stopped. These people are getting away with murder. Elsewhere in the country we have to pay for water. I am sick of funding the abortions and free water for people in the capitol who are out of touch with the regular people.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Evan Almighty was actually biblical prophesy.

  • WinterOuthouse

    Did it flood the Archives? NO. See it was the Baby Jeebus flooding the snooty people in Georgetown. He didn't flood his most sacred document, the constitutshun, protecting like a conservative mother that protects the baby and the checkbook. These sacred and holy words were handed directly to the slave owner politicians in the 1400's and buried in a clay pot until Nathan Bedford Forest dug them up and translated the document.

    Whaddya think about that Bitches?

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      I think Babby Jeebus is mad because Obamer was mean to little Paul Ryan. Made babby cry.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    According to Rotten Tomatoes, the NY Post loves it: http://www.nypost.com/f/print/entertainment/movie

    Who would have ever seen that coming?

  • mavenmaven

    The Lord is upset that so few of the Georgetown elitists went to see His own movie, Atlas Shrugged.

  • PuckStopsHere

    How's the gang at Late Night Shots taking this?

  • Guppy06

    "It appeared that two of the flood gates broke possibly early this morning"

    I'm sure the Army Corps of Engineers will get right on that.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    But are the escalators okay?

  • http://www.twoeightnine.com twoeightnine

    If Georgetown is still there tomorrow that proves that god is fake.

  • MadBrahms

    I blame the sodomy. Of course, I blame the sodomy for everything.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    That's a lot of interrupted potential finger banging.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I call bullshit:
    And I will establish my covenant with you, neither shall all flesh be cut off any more by the waters of a flood; neither shall there any more be a flood to destroy the earth.
    Genesis 9:11 (!!!)

    See? It's right there in Genesis.

    And as we all know, Genesis does what Nintendon't.

  • Negropolis

    Poor little rich girl(s)…

    Get back to me when God starts spanking Washington's Foggy Bottom.

    Double Entendre-atcha!

  • BZ1

    Pray tell, what was the "unusual event" which shut down the reactors at Surry Nuclear Power Station? Homer Simpson back at work?

  • ttommyunger

    One would have thought there would have been a very good law passed to prevent such an mishap at such a hallowed (read white) location.

  • joobajooba

    White people "forage"

  • OzoneTom

    Was that written by a Brit? Or is "Harbour" some sort of contraction of Haley Barbour?