Performing a nationwide genocide of American fat children can get tiring after a while, because there are just so many of them, and so many things keeping them alive. With this in mind, our FLOTUS has taken a break from broccoli-boarding 4th graders to focus on something equally depressing: the struggles of military families! This “Joining Forces” campaign has our FLOTUS traveling to beautiful American locales like Columbus, Ohio, and Camp Lejeune so she can have mosh pits with Elmo and a Jonas Brother and win all twenty seven wars we are fighting right now. And our FLOTUS is right — it is important to support our military families. Our straight ones, that is.
If you are an American who is too rich or too scared to hang out in the desert preserving Freedom and the Bible and everything, Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden would like you to know that there are things you can do to support military families without spending too much of your precious time remembering that there are several never-ending wars happening, right at this very moment. Por ejemplo, you could throw a baby shower for an expectant military mom!
On Wednesday morning, Mrs. Obama and Dr. Biden teamed up with Martha Stewart to throw a baby shower for 40 expectant moms at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. They strolled in carrying baskets of onesies, blankets, diapers, and other sponsor-donated items — including a $600 crib for each woman.
The price of the cribs may sound excessive, but they had to come with built-in treadmills to ensure that the “Let’s Move!” conspiracy is kept alive and well. Our FLOTUS seems to be having a terrific time with this “Joining Forces” thing. Unfortunately, when the campaign kicked off last week, the gays were not so thrilled.
Shortly before the event began at noon, Servicemembers United, which represents gay and lesbian troops and veterans, complained that the White House had barred civilian representatives of gay and lesbian military families from the event.
Kristina Schake, Communications Director for the First Lady, explained the decision this way in an email to CBS News.
“The President has been crystal clear that the Administration is moving forward with the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ quickly and efficiently,” she said. “However, it still remains the law. The White House, including the First Lady and Dr. Biden, look forward to working with the families of gay and lesbian service members after certification occurs and repeal goes into effect.”
Yes, until that time, gay and lesbian service members can have their own baby shower scrap booking parties. Because that is the law. [Essence/CBS]
Blair Burke (blairelinor@gmail.com) obsessively follows Michelle Obama’s every move for “The FLOTUS Files,” which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.
{ 39 comments }
Draft Oprah!
Why not? Oprah and Gayle are already familiar with Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
They're discriminating against babies with style and alternative lifestyles. Perhaps because the gay anchor baby theory.
Well jeez, you wouldn't want the gay spreading to those straight babies, would you??? Talk about an epidemic.
/snark off
I support the First Lady's initiatives to get fat kids moving and healthy, but on this I have to say to her and the good Dr. Biden, kindly bend over and blow it out your ass.
Hey gay and lesbian service people: Let's Move! Like, y'know move to someplace where freedom is legal and all that shit.
“The President has been crystal clear that the Administration is moving forward with the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ quickly and efficiently,” she said.
Why it's only been a few years since January, 2009, and everyone knows you can't hurry love.
~
Considering how well most military marriages go, the best way to help military families would be with an offer for aid in divorce filing, along with a bit of advice of "don't get married when you're only 18 or 19, dumbass."
Cool, that didn't apply to me. I got married when I was 17.
Ouch; I didn't even know that was legal.
The downfister apparently doesn't approve of under-18 marriage, which seems odd given that his parents were presumably underage siblings.
And remember that chick doing the banana dance in that Philipino flop house might NOT love you.
Don't get married when you are 18 or 19, and certainly don't start pushing out kids until you're making a decent salary so that you can support them.
"along with a bit of advice of "don't get married when you're only 18 or 19, dumbass."
Are you kidding? The military relies on 18 and 19 year-olds making poorly-informed life-changing decisions!
Even the Spanish allow gay marriage. The Spanish! Can one get anymore Catholic than that? No. & they allow gay (civil) marriage.
I think Rodriguez Zapatero needs to challenge Obama to a game of one-on-one, & assuming the Spanish PM wins, the U.S. has to enact full military service & marriage rights for the gays.
The Spanish isn't the most shocking one; South Africa allows gay marriage; that's a country greatly known for it's tolerance. It makes the map ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:World_homosexua... ) very weird, since it's surrounded by countries that still have anti-sodomy laws.
Yes, you can get a lot more Catholic. Try any other country with a hint of Catholicism. The Spanish are a super non-Catholic country, due in large part to that dictator they hated who had a man-crush on Catholicism — and it was mutual.
I get your point though.
The Unconquista?
Ever heard of the Phillippines? When they have gay marriage there, that will be huge. In Spain, Catholic-y stuff is mostly tourist-related now (providing churches where drunk American kids studying abroad can boink/vomit in the near-dark)
I so want to read this and think it's a joke. Mind you, it's hard to top the punchline of "2011's Tax Day = Trig's B-day!" but this renders me snarkless. So, more poetry-month pandering it is:
If we, dear, know we know no more
Than they about the Law,
If I no more than you
Know what we should and should not do
Except that all agree
Gladly or miserably
That the Law is
And that all know this
..//..
I cannot say Law is again,
No more than they can we suppress
The universal wish to guess
Or slip out of our own position
Into an unconcerned condition.
..//..
We shall boast anyvay:
Like love I say.
Like love we don't know where or why, Like love we can't compel or fly,
Like love we often weep, Like love we seldom keep.
*abridged b/c intensedebatey-thingy told me to
Fucking hell people, he has done more to overturn DADT than.well ,ANYBODY
Terry, thanks for clarifying. You rock!
First lady goes in gays go out. You can't explain it.
Those high-dollar cribs had to be designed to Gitmo standards, just in case any of these tads are secret Anchor Terror Babbies spawned by one of them Muslin Extremist soldiers.
Extreme spending in the defense of liberty is no vice!
You have a reality check by having all sorts of people there, not by having the reps of an organization attend with the intent of making a stand.
Downfist away, folks.
They may have gay parents, but technically speaking those babies are the product of straight intercourse, so, loophole. Damn, do I have to think of everything, Michele?
Ken have you considered marketing Wonkette onesies?
Perfect example of the government being inefficient….everyone knows gays and lesbians bring better gifts.
McDonalds in Boise had a special yesterday: 50 Chicken McNuggets for $9.99. At least 4 people bought that, for themselves, not to share with a friend, while I was eating my Anus burger. I cannot help but interpret the special as politically motivated. Take that, Socialism!
that is just awesome.
50 chicken mcnuggets is the new marathon.
They may look like cribs, but this is really part of a new government re-use program….anyway, if dumb white girls didn't get pregnant at 17 or 18, there would be No More White People ( look it up)…so this is really an affirmative action project in reverse…
If the gays can't attend they just need to go mix up a fresh batch of Santorum.
A $600 crib is a bargain. That's $40 less than a toilet seat from Lockheed.
Camp Lejeune is so jejune!
So, let me get this. It's not ok for our FLOTUS to hang out with lesbian and gay reps because DADT is still the law and it would look bad for her to hang around with lawbreakers and yet it is ok for her to be seen delivering baby presents with an ex-con?
Isn't the point that if the gays attend before official repeal of DADT they can get in trouble? I'm going out on a limb here and guess that there are still narrow minded pricks in the millitary who would like nothing more than to nail a gay. Pun intended.
Those milspec cribs must really be awesome!
Dadt didn't work, dis time…
i fought the law and the law won.
Got to hand it to teh gays. I delivered pizza for a year (Boulevard & Ponce, Atlanta). I could always tell immediately when I was at a gay home: the dog looked and smelled better than me and the domicile was so clean and well-decorated you did not believe anyone actually lived there. Props!
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