profiles in twitter courage

Chuck Grassley Doesn’t Mince Words: Blames NATO In Libya For ‘Legles Kiod’

WRONG. The clusters at Trader joe's are DELICIOUS.
Is this the tweet that turns the tide of American public opinion on the war on Libya? Chuck Grassley has some tough talk for NATO. It has blood on it hand, he says. For every legles kiod. Because that’s what clusters do folks: legles kiod. And he’s not afraid to say it. If he has to stand alone against’stiminidity, so be it.

Grassley then clarified:

Is he worried the bombs may have taught the kids how to spell?

Huh? He didn’t need to clarify. He may have thought he accidentally spelled “enuf” correctly in the first tweet, but he didn’t too. Something else is going on here.

He’s right, the legless kids are a problem. But, as any observer can tell you, the legles kiod is a much bigger issue. Did the powers that be threaten Grassley for speaking the truth? Is that why he modified his remarks?

Stay safe, Grassley. You damn hero. [Twitter]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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    1. Radio_Level_7

      So that is how Palin kept Trigger tucked in her hoo-haw when she was flying cross-continent with amniotic fluid leaking on her first ass seat.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      The legs have to be removed, or at least bound tightly to the carcass, or the goat on the spit doesn't roast very evenly. So yeah, Chuck, the legles kiod is the way to go.

  1. Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

    No, mincing words is the only thing C-Grass does.

    He's right though. If we'd only nuked Tripoli at the start of hostilities we would have avoided civilian casualties completely. Yup yup.

    (p.s. Wasn't Legles Kiod Orlando Bloom's character in The Lord of the Rings?)

  2. Boredw/Gravitas

    Repugs want to decimate the Department of Education, so "legles kiod" might actually become the accepted norm. Along with "moran."

  3. SorosBot

    It looks like he misspelled "every legolas kid"; NATO is responsible for all the elf children running around Libya.

  4. donner_froh

    Whoever tweets for Grassley should just stick his Blackberry up his ass and let his rectum do the random 140 characters. Couldn't be much worse.

    1. gef05

      Yeah, well^Vr NATO W#w4 3 u98787&^Vr6 e45W# w4 3i u98787&^ vaginaW#w43iu98 787&^Grassleyw43iu 98787&^Vr6e45 W#ass009878 7&^VrcockW #w43i whip87&^Vr6 e4hamster

  5. rambone

    In times like this, it's important to keep in mind FDR's eloquent assurance that "D nly tng we hv 2 Fr S Fr itslf"

    1. LocalGirlMakesGoo

      OT — I always read your name as ifthetundradontgetya… and then think to myself, Well, Sarah will probably shoot you from a helicopter.

          1. backbaconzgood

            I shit you not: I have one of his shirts (the yellow one) and you'd be suprised about the people who come up to me when I'm sporting it. I was at a punk rock bar and a dude not only knew who Gunther was but asked me to be in his band. He said Gunther was better than Wierd Al because Gunther wasn't trying to be funny.

          2. horsedreamer_1

            I shall have to go to the YouTube & look for some live footage. Sounds interesting — if maybe a little too Har-Marry.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      So, pulled up the YouTube for "Ding Dong Song", & have to admit — not Har-Mar like, at all. Which is good. Hews much closer to trashy, early-noughts Euro-pop like O*Zone. Has a little Aqua in it, too. (Which is also great: "Barbie Girl" is my favourite song to accompany tramping thru the snow, making snow-angels, lobby snow-balls, the whole kit.)

      Too, I can totally see Gunther "breaking" in the U.S. on an almost co-headling tour with Ke$ha. & the resulting GunKe$h sex-tap will finish the job of breaking.

      Anyway, here's some O*Zone, & Ke$ha, &, what the hell, "Barbie Girl":

  6. LabRodent

    As fast as you downfist I upfist. And I have a job, wife, 2 cars, nice home and i know what having sex with a person feels like. so there.

    1. WinterOuthouse

      It's not nice to brag. Trolls need compassion. They were born deformed and need to be coddled because the deformity is having no brain activity. Now don't you feel bad flaunting your wife's pussy on the pussy-less?

      1. Goonemeritus

        You can’t really say he is pussy-less if he is demonstrating that he has a menstrual cycle.

    2. BeWoot

      How is it everybody but me knows when there is downfisting and trolling afoot? I feel as cluleos as chunk grassley.

  7. DownFist Troll

    Khadafy using evil bomb cluster bombs?! that means we gotta use our good cluster bombs! They'll cancel each other out!

  8. Crank_Tango

    lemme guess, we know this is what they do because that is what we designed them to do, right?

    1. Ruhe

      No doubt he's attended a few weapons manufacturer demos where his reaction was less "stimidity" and more "awsmd".

  9. Gopherit

    Chuck, drunk-tweeting never helped anyone's career but Louis CKs. Lay off the sauce, old man.

    Just out of curiosity, which air-to-air missile maker is he shilling for?

  10. memzilla

    Legless kids, clueless adults.

    Then there's Chris Christie, governor of New Jersey, a clueless adult who hasn't seen his own legs in years, thanks to a diet of high fructose syrup made from Chuck Grassley's corn.

    Corn also feeds pigs, pigs make bacon, and Kevin Bacon starred in "Friday the 13th," where a kid had his legs amputated at Camp Crystal Lake, which was located in New Jersey.

    1. Crank_Tango

      chris christie is also half bacon, on his mother's side. and his backside. does he even have sides?

  11. Chillwaver

    And speaking of Clusters, Chuck really needs to stop these Twitter Clusterfucks. Seriously.

  12. WriteyWriterton

    Dnt twt nls u cn spl, u stpd Sntr! (Damn, that was hard- another reason I don't tweet.)

  13. lefty74

    Oh Chucky! Best to tweet nothing and be though of as challenged, rather than take action to remove all doubt.

  14. Ruhe

    What's Chuckies voting record on limiting or even banning the sale of landmines? Legles kiod in other third world shitholes want to know.

  15. edgydrifter

    If you can't stab out 140 characters without fucking it up, are you actually competent to legislate or even hold a valid opinion on anything?
    I'm thinking no.

  16. CalamityJames

    I may be entirely alone here, but what the fuck is the purpose of twatting? Not one single good thing has occurred through the use of this "tech." Fuck it, give 'em a tax cut.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      I often wonder the exact same thing. What are these toolbox old white fellows thinking when they fumble out these embarrassing 140-character insults to the language? Not much, I suppose.

      Oh, and twatter did get a tax break. [bangs head on table]

    2. PsycWench

      You are far from alone. I have no idea why people would sign up to know my every thought. Hell, I'm not sure I want to know my every thought.

      1. emmelemm

        Bumper sticker on car that parks in my building garage:

        Don't believe everything you think!

        PS Twitter is stupid.

    3. Doktor Zoom

      Opposition groups in Tunisia, Egypt, and elsewhere may differ in their assessment. Not that "We Enable Government Overthrows" is much of a business model…

    4. JustPixelz

      Obviously more useful for a circle of friends or family than as a platform for public discourse. Though I'm not sure if live MRIs of Grassley's brain would add any further insights.

  17. Trannysurprise

    What do you call 2 legles kiods hanging over your window? Curt N' Rod! HO HO HO! Thank you ladies and germs, I'll be here at Lola's House of Crabs on the back deck all week. Remember to tip your waitress…

  18. bureaucrap

    Don't hate grassley because he's a clumsy/lazy/incompetent tweeter; hate him because he's a total corporate tool and lackey.

    1. bureaucrap

      YAY!!! I broke 100 pee points! A round of imaginary drinks for everyone!

      (Elvis voice): Thank ya, Thank ya very much.

  19. DashboardTrombone

    Fuck you, Grassley…the US uses cluster bombs too. Did you sweat the legles kiod then?

      1. undeterredbyreality

        wht du u call a 1-leged wmn? Ilene.
        wht du u call a 1-leged jpnse wmn? Irene.

        Throw the pnut shils on the flr.

  20. __kth__

    Sure were a lot of armles kiods in Rwanda, also Sierra Leone, don't remember Grassley saying that Natostimidity was the root cause.

  21. KenLayIsAlive

    The Convention on Cluster Munitions

    "56 states have ratified it and another 52 have signed but not yet ratified it. Brazil, China, India, Israel, Libya, Pakistan, Russia and the United States have not signed the Convention."

    It's all about the company you keep. And Grassley voted "No" on something called the Cluster Munitions Amendment which would have "prevented funding from going to cluster munitions, unless it is clearly specified that such munitions will not be allowed near civilian populations".

    So he appears to be talking out of both sides of his Grassley.

  22. natoslug

    Matt, Stew, Art and Skip all applaud Grassley's tweets. Or would if they weren't armless as well.

  23. jus_wonderin

    It seems to me that any thoughts, comments or sentiments one might have about legles kiod (legless kids) is really not a topic for twitter. I mean, it seems a Senator might use a more respected mode of communication to express this type of condemnation.

    "Nuns rapd in Gawdfuckistan. I just got this ranty thing I want to put out there in under 140….."

    1. Gleem_McShineys

      If only there was a legles kiod emoticon, because, you know, a picture is worth a thousand words! Here you go Chuck, this should convey the horrible situation:



  24. widestanceroman

    We're laughing because we've never had to look at his sexts, which I imagine are blurry shots of his shoes.

  25. Buckminster

    Does Grassley only post on Twitter when he's shitfaced drunk, or what? I haven't seen anything so inane since the Sarah was ranting regularly on Twitter.

    1. mereoblivion

      Does Associate Professor mean you're on the tenure track to full-blown fartknockin'??

  26. Limeylizzie

    OK I have a soft spot for Chuckles, he seems like a nice old man, I know he's a corporate lackey, but I bet he is quite sweet in real life.

    1. BlueStateLibel

      I think in real life, he is a cow, which is not surprising, since they're more cows than people in his state. He's probably a stupid cow too, one that tells lots of boring stories to his grandcows.

  27. x111e7thst

    I hated it when that fucking legles kiod steped on the clusters. I was never able to figure out quite how he managed, what with being legles and all, but I hated it.

  28. metamarcisf

    I'd love to be the fly on the wall for the imminent chucklefest between Grassley and Krauthammer.

  29. mourningnmerica

    Here's the part I don't get. Why would he be so OK with making himself look like, literally, a fucking retarded person, over and over again? Does he not have a single aide to type for him? Any advisor that would say "You text like a fucking cretin, let someone else transcribe your message? What kind of judgment does this show?

    Not to mention, what the fuck was he even saying? Does he really, honest to Christ, mean legless kid? Honest? How do you misspell kid? I mean seriously, WTF?

  30. poncho_pilot

    anyway, what does this have to do with Ron Paul having a snowball's chance in hell of becoming president?

    1. mourningnmerica

      Can you imagine what it would look like if Chuck actually tried to include the name Kaiser Soze in a text?

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Don't worry, sometime in the middle of the night, Ken is going to find something horrifyingly depressing for us.

        1. user-of-owls

          No worries, Ken has an in with the Pope, who will transform those useless fucking fishes and loaves into whiskies and ryes.

          And on a related theological note, we celebrate some unemployed hippy carpenter as a miracle worker because he made a bunch of Filet-O-Fish sammiches? Tell you what, there's an entire new faith tradition waiting to be born down on the corner that reveres a surly be-zitted lunk named Dylan.

    1. MissTaken

      Oh god YES!

      I wonder how many are signing up to get dates lined up to watch their movie this weekend?

      SWM seaking SWF fer nite @ teh Altas Shruged. I am 52 yrs old, live with Mommy, and luv Cheetoz. U must like MONEY and hav own Hoverround cuz mine can only hold 500 pnds. Send pic and NO FATTIES!1!!

  31. ttommyunger

    Okay Chuckles, I can forgive you for talking with your mouth full of oatmeal. Explains why it is so hard to understand you. But you've got to quit with the Koch hand-jobs while you are tweeting. Let the Walker kid take up the slack, I hear he likes it.

  32. Doktor Zoom

    What I want to know is why the hell is NATO dropping bombs on KIOD-FM "Coyote Country" in Lincoln NE? I bet it's that damn "Snoozebuster" morning show.

  33. carlgt1

    they only like legles kiod's when their Halliburton & Blackwater/xe hacks are getting paid for it!

  34. zhubajie

    Did Bush start his Afghanistan invasion by scattering cluster bombs all over? Then dropping food pallets to bait the refugees to the bombs?

  35. Negropolis

    You know, someone should tell our dear Charles that Twitter was made simply to maim the English language, not to murder it wholesale.

    He best watch his step, though. He's encroaching on Palin's territory with the genocide he's committing against the English language.

  36. iburl

    And who sold these Cluster Bombs to big bad KQ-daffy? Hmm… let's see… who could it be… could it be… GRASSLEY??

    Also, the USA pretty much is NATO, corporate cornfucker.

  37. DahBoner

    I heard in Columbia they have legles kiods in swimming pools full of coca leaves and industrial, carcinogenic solvents…

  38. trumpbly_joe

    I can only assume NATO is also responsible for the atrocities that Chuck Grassley inflictson the Englis Languiaige. You know, for bing 2 timd.

  39. DahBoner

    Charlies was just having a bit of nostalgia for that old-fashioned candy.

    You know the one, it's big glops of chocolate with clusters of legless kid inside…

  40. Camaro Nova

    Good god. And where was this twitting moron when the USA was dropping them all over Baghdad? Remember when the media was making fun of the Defense Minister for calling them pencils? I immediately thought, OK, obviously a "poor english" mistake, maybe the Arabic word for "cylinder" "pencil" and a cylindrical bomb are the same or similar.

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