it's morning in america

Scott Walker Admits Union-Busting Bill Will Save Wisconsin Zero Dollars

FACTS! ABANDON SHIP!

  • Remorseless gasbag Scott Walker visited our nation’s swamp capital yesterday, and somehow found time to testify in front of Congress and strip the cherry blossoms of their collective blossoming rights. As expected, Walker wowed the crowd with all his fancy Koch-ing points, bragging that Wisconsin’s “collective bargaining reforms save local governments more than $700 million each year.” Hey bro, Dennis Kucinich has a quick question for you: how much actual “money” will Wisconsin save by stripping government workers of their collective bargaining rights? Jesus, take the wheel! “That particular part doesn’t save any,” Walker replied, not caring at all that he claimed the exact opposite only a few minutes earlier. Facts are stupid things. [ThinkProgress]
  • At least two people were killed by a violent tornado-storm that swept through Oklahoma and Arkansas this morning. The storm is now heading towards northern Mississippi and Alabama, and could possibly cross into central Tennessee. Please stay safe, everyone! [NPR]
  • The British government says it will stop exports to the United States of three drugs used in lethal injections, probably because British people know that we inhumanely execute innocent people every day! [Business Week]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

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163 comments

  1. Ruhe

    Deadly storm maintains southerly track. Scott Walker is not in the south. God doesn't exist. Q.E.D.

    1. Terry

      Walker and the current crop of tea bagger candidates and officials are what you get when you take earnest and stupid people willing to run for office on Koch dollars and stick strictly to the talking points their given by Koch and a very few other GOP steering groups.

    2. DeeJayKitteh

      At this point, he probably assumes that it's just implied that everything that comes out of his mouth is BS.

      1. DaRooster

        I say we pin him down and brush his teeth (or knock 'em out). All that bullshit is truly starting to rank it up.

        Fucking weasel lookin' fuck.

  2. PsycWench

    “That particular part doesn’t save any,” Walker replied silently adding "except for the Koch brothers"

    1. Rotundo_

      The ad buys will fall through the floor once corporations sponsor their choice for elected officials, it will be like putting them on the payroll without all the shell games and hi jinks there are now, you'll get an internship working for them for nothing for 5 years and if they like you they'll spring for your campaign for congress, governorship, whatever. Pretty slick, and think of the money and subterfuge (which they were admittedly pretty poor at) they will save!

      1. BarryOPotter

        That's what we call our Board of Directors – The BRG (Band of Remorseless Gassbags)! What a cowinky dink!

  3. PsycWench

    Haven't we been warned time and time again about being overly dependent on foreign lethal injectables?

  4. Doktor Zoom

    I don't think that good, decent, hardworking Bible-believing Real Americans should listen to the liberally-biased weather forecasts from NPR. If there's any deadly storm coming, it's undoubtedly a storm of job-killing tax increases. Fox News and CNBC will let us know when it's time to head for our tax shelters.

  5. LabRodent

    Never understood why the Nurse clean the Lethal Injection site on the condemed with alcohol…..(to prevent a nasty infection?) .

    1. SorosBot

      The same reason we've switched to lethal injection, silly; to make the brutal, barbaric practice of execution seem humane and civilized to the people who actually commit the murder.

      1. AJW@[redacted]

        I've sometimes wondered what they put down for cause of death on the death certificate (longform only, please).

    2. kissawookiee

      I thought it was to add a crushing amount of irony, just in case the drugs don't do the trick.

    3. comrad_darkness

      It's habit. It'd be like an NBA player sent to the line with instructions to miss a free throw. He'd still bounce the ball a few times.

  6. V572..whatever

    Okay Mr Progressive Storm: Please do a right turn at Tennessee and lay into Alabama. Then let's see if the those states' governors say, "No thank you, Feds! We don't need any disaster relief, because we're fine on our own!" And you can avoid the liberals' houses because they don't have planet-destroying gas-guzzling road-hogging 4x4s parked in their front yards.

      1. V572..whatever

        My local free-market weatherman, Stormy Hairhead on Fox Action Realtime News Channel 92, gives me free-market weather for free.

        Wait, whut? He gets all is info from the National Weather Service? Never mind.

      2. horsedreamer_1

        If people truly require tornado warnings, they will proceed to the free-market, willing to pay for it, & if willing to pay enough, someone will provide it. The information may not be accurate, quite likely the providers won't even be meteorologists, but they will get numbers (if nothing else).

        1. Terry

          Well, don't the tornados sort of warn you of their own arrival? You get a good 4-5 seconds of the sound of rushing wind before they hit.

        2. HELisforHEL

          "The information may not be accurate, quite likely the providers won't even be meteorologists, but they will get numbers (if nothing else). "

          Sounds like Fox News already.

    1. James Michael Curley

      As I look, again and again, at storm damged buildings in the south and mid-west I recall, again and again, that these governments permit the construction of buildings which state and local codes prohibit here in the northeast and WE DON"T HAVE NO FREAKIN' TORNADOS.

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      Be nice if that storm snatched Walker's plane out of the sky and repeatedly slammed it into the ground (assuming he's flying on one of the Koch's fleet of Gulfstreams or Dassault Falcons and not commercial).

      1. kissawookiee

        Either that or get James Inhofe to fly the plane for him. The net result would be the same.

  7. MARCdMan

    I say we inhumanely execute the Kock Brothers for their douchiness by putting them in the path of a tornado and be done with the whole mess.

  8. donner_froh

    Public appearances like this by Walker are a good thing–it shows the naked class warfare he and his masters are waging under the cover of fiscal responsibility. It doesn't have to save money as long as it screws enough people.

  9. EatsBabyDingos

    Being against animal testing (not really), we should humanely test new lethal injection substances on Scott Walker. I personally am curious about the efficacy of an eighteen hundred degree molten lava enema. In a tornado or the deep vacuum of space.

    1. chicken_thief

      And also reminded him that his (Kicinich's) wife was smoking hot while Walker was stuck slobbing Koch knob.

        1. Limeylizzie

          “Yes it does” purred Limeylizzie, as she seductively stroked her own reddish-tinged locks.

      1. SorosBot

        It's weird how so many people think any redhead must be Irish; going to Catholic school, I got that all the time, though I probably don't have a drop of Irish blood in me.

        1. Limeylizzie

          True, in my own famiily we have a couple of true Gingers and we are Catholic, but not a drop of Irish blood to be found

        2. horsedreamer_1

          I continue to be shocked by the high rate of German Gingers I see.

          Boris Becker, you are not alone.

      1. chicken_thief

        I don't know about that, but I used to hang out in the same bar as him and he could tie a cherry stem in a knot with his tongue in about 2 seconds. All night long…

  10. OC_No Soaps!!_Serf

    We will stop shipping Crest to Britain to keep our Bad Teeth joke business alive.

  11. donner_froh

    The manufacturing base has collapsed even more than it had been feared if we can no longer make the drugs necessary to kill prisoners. We will now outsource the executions themselves, probably to the People's Republic of China.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Clearly, a no-bid contract. I think we need to give our mafia (Italian, Russian… hell, throw MS13, Crips, Bloods in, too) a chance to compete.

      Plus, taking out a death-row inmate the same way as Michael had Carlo killed — so artsy.

  12. mrpuma2u

    Walker translation: I just wanted to BU-FU the unions, I had no intention of saving money, this (and some "alone time" with the Koch bros.) got me a huge re-election war chest. It's all about me, eat sh!t Wisconsin citizens, I am here and not leaving until I DIE!!!

    1. Rotundo_

      Most Wisconsinites would find that statement agreable, the timetable we would like is probably much shorter than Scooter's. December is the earliest we can start recall proceedings. If we can persuade him to off himself or some disgruntled and deranged person who happens to be a talented marksman takes care of things no one will object to removing him sooner rather than later. But since Christmas is coming soon enough, Wisconsin will probably consider it a holiday special, we can celebrate da babby Jeebus birthday and Scooters demotion to mop boy at Koch Industries.

    1. mrpuma2u

      Drano? I heard they will get a bulk discount contract with Mao-mart. (always made by Chinese prison labor. Always) Well that's what I heard.

  13. WilliamHTaft

    If taking away union rights doesn't balance the budget, he can always try softening rape laws.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Yeah & Gov. LePage in Maine is trying to roll back some of those pesky child labor laws. Hey, I need one of them urchins to come clean out my chimney at 2 a.m. — what's the matter with that?!

  14. V572..whatever

    OT, but has anyone else noticed that Paul Ryan's hairline is disturbingly low on his forehead?

      1. Dudleydidwrong

        Jesus Christ! That is fucking creepy. Looks like a comic book villain (or stupid-ass tea party political whore.)

    1. Rotundo_

      A receding hairline sucks, but is normal. But a proceding one? Perhaps proof that the theories put forth by Mothersbaugh and company about devolution weren't satire, or that once again it did a lap clean around reality.

  15. horsedreamer_1

    Does Walker's testimony rise to lying to Congress?

    I say: string him up like he's Roger Clemens.

  16. Texan_Bulldog

    Seeing the course that that tornado is on, it appears that there may be a god after all.

  17. Bezoar

    Catching up on the last few days of Wonkette this morning, and I realize it's getting hard to distinguish from The Onion. Is it just me?

    1. freakishlywrong

      Almost as difficult as distinguishing the Republic party from an overstuffed clown car of hate.

    2. James Michael Curley

      Onions have multiple layers. Not like Wonkette. We're sort of The Turnip of journalism.

  18. Oblios_Cap

    Hopefully Walker will appear with $arah at the Wisconsin rally and they'll both suffer some kind of painful, lingering cheese curd-induced terminal illness that will render them both mute for the time they have left on this planet.

    A man can dream, right?

  19. horsedreamer_1

    Not politically related, really, but I'm sure many of us were fans:

    porn performer Hunter Bryce, dead at 30.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        She. Female Hunter (pro name taken from Hunter Thompson, though, so you're half-right).

    1. Ruhe

      The locals up there also refer to cheese curds as squeaky cheese as it tends to squeak against your teeth as you bite into it. Rather than throw it at her they should just all simultaneously chew on the cheese as she begins to speak thus drowning her out with a noise that will probably sound very much like Sarah's voice.

    2. MilwaukeeKent

      Going. Resurrecting my "The Koch brothers thank the Tea Party for showing up" signs from the February 19 Tea Party counter-protest Massive Fail. Hopefully this time more TPs will understand the signs, not that it was easy finding TeaPs back in February. This however is their "big" annual Tax Day protest at the Capitol, plus Snowbilly Grifter.

  20. TsunamiAli

    The British government says it will stop exports to the United States of three drugs used in lethal injections, probably because British people know that we inhumanely execute innocent people every day!

    If they don't get it from Great Britain they're just going to go to the street and get it from their friends. And use dirty needles. THINK!

  21. ThundercatHo

    Oh, and am I wrong to hope that the giant tornado storm will completely destroy the Confederate states (saving the liberals, of course, even if they have SUVs)? Then, since it is the Civil War's anniversary, we can all just say, "SECEDE NOW, MOTHERFUCKERS!:

  22. WinterOuthouse

    I had a dream and in that dream Scott Walker was recalled, defeated and was living penniless on the curb in front of Kocksucking mansion.

  23. WinterOuthouse

    Notice how the red states are getting their latest telegram from God? Advising them to not be such unforgiving and uncharitable republifuck that they are.

    1. Terry

      I'm sure their ministers are interpreting it differently. The tornados are hitting because they haven't been vigilant enough in driving liberalism and godlessness out of their states.

  24. horsedreamer_1

    On other blogs I frequent, this would summon the Comment Ninjas.

    Here, I'll give it a plus-one.

    1. SorosBot

      Here, let me pretend to be one of them:

      I'm from Austin how dare you make fun of Texas there are lots of good decent and liberal people here like there's lots of in Austin (which by the way is the coolest hippest place in the entire world) and well maybe nowhere else but it's very offensive to claim all Texans are backwards racist rednecks just because the vast majority are!

  25. James Michael Curley

    One time some people, whom I thought were friends, strapped boards to my feet and dragged me behind a motorboat.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Nice warm front. But when I tried to download an image from the Google Image site I got a warning about viruses, nuclear weapons, and a gas attack after eating at Denny's.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Have you ever seen a woman in her magic drawers? I did — well, I was walking behind an LDS gal, & underneath her Hollister branded tee, I saw the distinct outline of the churchly intimates — & oh, my: boing, boing, boing.

      1. Terry

        They don't wear a decent bra in addition to the holy drawers? I just assumed the women did. What, did Joseph Smith like the look of women with breasts hanging down to their waists and with their nips showing up under the fabric?

      2. FNMA

        If by magic drawers, you mean thongs, well, then, yes, I have seen women wearing those, and in many cases, it is a religious experience.

  26. BlueMonkeh

    This is why we need dirty coal – to keep old sparky in volts (at least I think that's what we still use here in red hell).

  27. notreelyhelping

    But, you know, kicking collectively bargained union ass cuts down on their political influence, which favors their boyfriends, the Democrats, and with more Republicans winning, they can cut the budget any darn way they want! It'll be savings all over the place! Total win-win!

  28. Papa_Uniform

    Is it just me, or does this Scott Walker bagoshit bare a striking resemblance to Frank Lorenzo? Was old Frank messing around in CSprings in the mid 60's with the wife of certain Baptist preacher while busting up the airline unions? Has anyone checked the Govs birth certificate?

  29. comrad_darkness

    All these tornados! There is a God and he hates us. Somehow, knowing that that makes me feel much better.

  30. hagajim

    Facts? What are these facts? "Dick"Walker doesn't need facts any more than the birthers do….if you say it long and loud enough George Stephanopolous will repeat it because the national media is lousy with lazy toadies who can't be bothered to call bullshit on what is obviously a big steaming pile.

  31. proudgrampa

    Gov. Walker (Rethug. WI); "Facts? I don' got to show you no stinkin' facts! Bwaahaahaahaahaahaa!"

  32. mavenmaven

    "How much money will that save?"
    "In terms of campaign contributions alone, a great deal…"

    1. Rotundo_

      It should be scrolled across the bottom of the screen whenever one plays a clip of them speaking, it can cover all the legal eventualities, your mileage may vary, void in the state of X, etc.

  33. chicken_thief

    His defense of hiring the twice DUI'd son of a contributor was nice, too – when I found out, I moved him. Wasting $64k a yr on an unqualified turd is MUCH better than wasting $81k for the same turd. Slightly OT, but it is strikingly similar to the logic my wife uses when shopping.

  34. MilwaukeeKent

    Scott probably doesn't have the courage to appear at this, I'll be amazed if he does. He can't appear in public in Wisconsin without massive security. Without the completely unnecessary Collective Bargaining Jugular vein cutting, he could be strolling the Capitol Farmers Market opening day crowds, shaking hands to a merely luke-warm reception. Now he dares not appear in proximity of other citizens and tables full of vegetables.
    Hopefully there will be a Tar-and-Feather stand where we can take stray Republicans. Need four horses for drawing and quartering.

  35. Negropolis

    Sometimes, it takes a good friend to pull the bottle away. Thank you, Britishlanders. Now, the rest of you follow suit. If the United States wants to kill its own, they are going to have to use good ole American ingenuity to do it.

  36. tessiee

    "We can start with the poors and sick… they all just be hangin' 'round anyhow 'cuz they don't wanna work no how. "

    We can put them to work making rope!

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