INSIDE SMELLS LIKE FRESH-BAKED PAULTARD  4:05 pm April 14, 2011

Own a ‘Great Piece of History’: Buy Ron Paul’s Dumpy House

by Jack Stuef

Well, this is embarrassing. Ron Paul had an investment that wasn’t gold? FOR SALE!
Mmm! Free market-y!
You too can fuck where Ron Paul fucked his wife for decades and jerk off where Rand Paul jerked off for the very first time! Only $325,000!

There are a bunch of pictures of the pool and nothing else, so either the inside of Ron Paul’s house is a Hoarders situation, or he and his family have lived in a swimming pool in somebody’s backyard for 42 years. [buyronpaulshouse.com]

 
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{ 71 comments }

ablington April 14, 2011 at 4:07 pm

But does it have a pool?

Barbara_i April 14, 2011 at 4:08 pm

I bet Rand Paul peed in that pool for years. Probably off the top of that garish looking slide though.

harry_palmer April 14, 2011 at 4:19 pm

While an undocumented Mexican was trying to clean it.

Barbara_i April 14, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Downfister got ya, sorry. I did what I could to make you whole again.

harry_palmer April 14, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I wonder what his tiny little brain would make of the fact (if he actually read these comments, which I'm sure he doesn't) that people probably end up with more upfists than they would have gotten had he just gone somewhere else and left us alone.

Crank_Tango April 14, 2011 at 4:52 pm

why did I picture phoebe cates getting out of that pool in her red bathing suit, and…

OkieDokieDog April 14, 2011 at 4:16 pm

How many illegals does it include? I'd need a pool boy.

harry_palmer April 14, 2011 at 4:16 pm

That's not a pool, it's a shrine to Aqua Buddha.

GeneralTapioca April 15, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Soon it will be a shrine to Dr. Paul if the Paulestinians have their way:

We should buy it !
Submitted by celeste on Thu, 04/14/2011 – 15:11.

This will be a historical site someday. We'll use it as a time share. Me first

Gratuitous World April 14, 2011 at 4:20 pm

that's not a pool – it's a gigantic toilet for his son.

SmutBoffin April 14, 2011 at 4:21 pm

ProudPaultard now has someplace to keep his Ameros and Ron Paul action figures.

CliveWarren April 14, 2011 at 4:23 pm

You know what, Ron… Throw in that Angela Lansbury you're cuddling for some reason and it's a deal.

Limeylizzie April 14, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Don't be mean to Angela , I worship her, I think Mrs. Paul is more a Shelley Winters type.

SorosBot April 14, 2011 at 4:23 pm

For Sale*

*Whites only

CliveWarren April 14, 2011 at 4:27 pm

"A great house and a great piece of history"

In the sense that Jim Crow laws fully apply at the kitchen counter.

nounverb911 April 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm

What about Barry White?

$exy$murf April 14, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Future home of Galt's Gulch and Water Park.

nounverb911 April 14, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Is this where Midas Mulligan buried his gold?

nounverb911 April 14, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Ron Paul finally gave up looking for the pot of gold the leprechauns said they left.

poncho_pilot April 14, 2011 at 5:25 pm

now, now. leave Kucinich out of this.

Rosie_Scenario April 14, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Living in a swimming pool? Maybe there is something to the Aqua Buddha story after all.

metamarcisf April 14, 2011 at 4:31 pm

I was born in the house my father built.

arihaya April 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm

this house should get a treatment similar with that Fukushima place

nounverb911 April 14, 2011 at 4:41 pm

The house is well within tsunami distance to the Gulf of Messico.

edgydrifter April 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm

The Casa de Ameros is on the market? Dr. Ron must have finally finished the living quarters at his fake-volcano blimpatorium.

DashboardTrombone April 14, 2011 at 4:43 pm

As an insurance agent, I can tell you that a slide at a swimming pool is bad mojo. None of my companies will write for a home with a slide. So, either Paul lied about it or his agent was doing him a "favor".

DownFist Troll April 14, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Free market at work! The invisible hand decides who lives and who dies!

BaldarTFlagass April 14, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Hell, ya rarely see one with a diving board anymore, even. Fucking litigious society!

$exy$murf April 14, 2011 at 4:45 pm

where Rand Paul jerked off for the very first time!

Does his crusty copy of The Fountainhead come with the house?

horsedreamer_1 April 14, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Has to be a hoarders situation (seeing as living in a pool, presumably cholorinated, would be quite the disinfectant).

Or are Libertarians against chloridation in pools, same as they're against fluoridation of the municipal water supply?

Gopherit April 14, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Jesus! 5500 sq feet for $325K? Does the pool double as a septic tank? It the community all galt's gulch like and you can only get to it by pack mule because no one wants to pay for roads?

BaldarTFlagass April 14, 2011 at 6:37 pm

It's in Lake Jackson, along the Gulf Coast, the Petrochemical Riviera of Texas, and an outlying shithole in the greater Houston–Sugar Land– Baytown Shitroplex.

Edit: Whoops, didn't read down all the way to Gravitas' geography lesson.

SorosBot April 14, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Huh? $325K is a pretty expensive house; yeah it's not a million-dollar mansion but that costs a hell of a lot; you'd expect something big.

Crank_Tango April 14, 2011 at 4:55 pm

well what with all the jerking off in the pool jokes here, all I can think of , after phoebe cates anyway, is that adam sandler skit from his tape..tape? where she's all "jiggle yer balls for momma"

anyone?

horsedreamer_1 April 15, 2011 at 9:30 am

We're all gonna laugh at you!

hagajim April 14, 2011 at 4:55 pm

How about the Dung Heap of History?

SorosBot April 14, 2011 at 4:56 pm

I'm shocked that Ron Paul is asking for $325,000, because that's in the fiat currency of dollars, and not gooooold.

doloras April 14, 2011 at 9:32 pm

"How much is a cigarette?"
"Five cents in gold."
"How much is that in paper money?"
"You couldn't afford it."

– Atlas Shrugged

JackDempsey1 April 14, 2011 at 4:57 pm

What the hell.
*CURVY* slides are elitist. Slide straight down like an American, jerk.

FlownOver April 14, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Blimp dock included? Or is this one of those deals where he's stripping out the copper wiring when he goes?

Boredw/Gravitas April 14, 2011 at 4:58 pm

His house is in Lake Jackson, TX, a very few miles from lots of petrochemical refineries that daily spew forth their filth. That's probably why the Pauls are the way they are.

Limeylizzie April 14, 2011 at 5:28 pm

The Stinky Triangle? Beaumont-Port Arthur and isn't the third leg Lake Jackson.

poncho_pilot April 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm

probably nearby Freeport is the third leg. Lake Jackson is the lone testicle.

horsedreamer_1 April 15, 2011 at 9:31 am

Explains Janis Joplin, & why Jimmy Johnson ('Canes, 'Boys) needed so much plastic surgery.

Boredw/Gravitas April 15, 2011 at 9:56 am

Actually Lake jackson is quite a ways from there. Orange is the third leg of the Stinky Triangle (it's actually a city, not just an unnatural skin color).

Limeylizzie April 15, 2011 at 10:04 am

Oh tht's right, Orange. God that whole area is a hellhole.

fartknocker April 14, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Interesting factoid about Lake Jackson. The town was built by Dow Chemical to house the workers at the nearby chemical plant. The other interesting fact is the street naming convention. All streets that orignate in downtown Lake Jackson end in the word Way. There is an intersection of "This Way" and "That Way."

I know, its Way goofy, but those engineers at Dow at least had a sense of humor.

TJBeck April 14, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Yea, I used to live in Lake Jackson. Not much there. It was kinda fun to drive down to Surfside Beach every weekend, but that got old. I always thought that in addition to This Way, That Way, Circle Way and Parking Way, they should have made Curds 'n Way. Surprisingly, Ron Paul wasn't my rep until Texas redistricting was forced though by in 2002. My representation switched from Tom Delay to Ron Paul… yeah… at least in Ron Paul's district you got a birthday card every year.

This Way and That Way: http://www.panoramio.com/photo/4395661

comrad_darkness April 16, 2011 at 2:39 pm

those engineers at Dow at least had a sense of humor
That would explain the Bhopal Joke Book.

smokefilledroommate April 14, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Houseloveution?

WinterOuthouse April 14, 2011 at 5:06 pm

I'm not paying $325,000. for a damn pool. It is probably filled with water specially imported from Fukushima Power Plant. Son's of Bitches!

poncho_pilot April 14, 2011 at 5:22 pm

they've got enough contaminated water in nearby Oyster Creek. or from the "lake" they're building.

comrad_darkness April 16, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Hey, market signals indicated it was the very bestest of pool waters, because it was the cheapest. Hell, they paid them to take it!

smokefilledroommate April 14, 2011 at 5:14 pm

It's a rational self-interest slide. It goes to exactly what you're entitled to and fucks everyone else on the way.

poncho_pilot April 14, 2011 at 5:16 pm

my wife is from Lake Jackson, TX and i've been there many times. i really want to know where the nice houses are because that town is kind of a dump.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 14, 2011 at 5:18 pm

If it doesn't come with a blimp, that is a deal killer.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 14, 2011 at 5:19 pm

And can you image the amount of bondage porn you will have to clear out of that place?

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 14, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Downfister has hit me. Apparently he is upset with the idea that you would get rid of the bondage porn.

LetUsBray April 14, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Well, it stands to reason the Pauls would have only top-quality bondage porn.

horsedreamer_1 April 15, 2011 at 9:31 am

Mandingo?

poncho_pilot April 14, 2011 at 5:20 pm

$325K to shit in Ron Paul's broken toilet? what a deal!

ThundercatHo April 14, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Some questions for the sellers:
Is this a gaited community? (i.e. whites only)
Does it come with a hot, muscular, shirtless pool boy?
Will property values go up or down when Texas secedes from the union?

glamourdammerung April 14, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Has Obama ruined the toilet there yet like he did over at Rand's house (according to Rand anyway)?

pinkocommi April 14, 2011 at 6:09 pm

I'm bringing a UV light to the inspection to find all the jism stains on the walls.

One_Man_Band April 14, 2011 at 7:50 pm

I know! Except for the pool it looks like my parents house. (And they managed to get it without spending their entire careers being parasites, leaching off productive Amurkin citizens by working for the government all their lives. Like Ron Paul!)

BZ1 April 14, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Is this where he got randy?

Rarian Rakista April 14, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Does it have a nuclear bunker filled with stuck together Ayn Rand novels and a hydroponics system with Aqua Buddha stickers on it, you know, for growing tomatoes.

zhubajie April 15, 2011 at 10:30 am

So why is he selling? Where is he going?

HuddledMass April 17, 2011 at 8:56 pm

Rilly — He sold his soul for that?

DaRooster April 14, 2011 at 5:00 pm

And Rand as Brad in the bathroom…

Crank_Tango April 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Dressed like a pirate/minuteman, whatever.

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