so good at winning these tasks

Donald Trump: ‘I’ve Always Had a Great Relationship With the Blacks’

Jesusy!At the rate Donald Trump is scooping up key parts of the Republican base the real candidates are too afraid to be seen courting, his fake candidacy will have officially have won the real campaign in only a week or two. Who’s he going after now? Racists. “I have a great relationship with the blacks. I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks. But unfortunately, it seems that, you know, the numbers you cite are very, very frightening numbers,” he told a radio interviewer when asked about Obama’s support among African Americans. He loses points for saying he has a “good relationship” with “the blacks,” but he definitely makes up for it by using the term “the blacks” and saying they only support Obama because he’s black.

Trump said the numbers were troubling and pointed to Hillary Clinton as proof that he probably won’t get the kind of support among African-Americans that he deserves.

“I tell it like it is,” Trump said. “[Y]ou’ll hear a political reporter go on and say it had nothing to do with race. But how come she had such a tiny piece of the vote? And you know, it’s a very sad thing.” […]

Dicker said, somewhat rhetorically, that votes should always be based on merit, not on race.

“If that were the case, why did Hillary Clinton do so poorly?” Turmp asked.

Yeah, how dare black people not support Hillary Clinton? How sad. Just when you think white people will have the chance to win the presidency, black people close the door once again. When will a white guy like Trump ever be allowed success at anything?

Of course, Clinton did have a whole lot of support from African Americans, especially older voters. But obviously they should listen to Trump and evenly split their votes in any given election between the guy they think they agree with and, say, a man who refers to them as “the blacks.” [NY Observer via Wonkette operative “Brandy C.”]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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  1. jdoleman

    "“I have a great relationship with the blacks."

    Now that is the sort of post-racial thinking this nation needs!

    1. SilverTsunami

      The Blacks live down the street from me. The son drives an SUV, but aside from that, they're fine people. I have a great relationship with them.

  2. GuanoFaucet

    Trump also has a good relationship with the 'tards, it seems, given how much the teabaggers like him.

        1. glamourdammerung

          I thought they preferred a "man date" since they keep insisting they have one somewhere.

  3. Barbara_i

    Trump is incapable of great relationships. I remember the news of the ski trip where Donald's current wife, Ivana first got to meet his mistress*, goldigger, Moola (typo) "Marla" Maples. Wearing identical ski suits, purchased by Donald, the catfight led to hissing and throwing snowballs at each other.

    Donnie, you don't invite your wife and your lover on the same trip and dress them alike. Women tend to notice these things because we don't think with our "dumb-stick" the way that some men do.

    * "mistress" is something between a "mister" and a "mattress"

    1. Swampgas_Man

      This is what I don't understand — given all the dirt on Donald Muck, how in dear Gawd's name does anyone w/ the IQ of a stool sample support him? Or is it that only the Donald believes this shit and the press just follows him like sheep?

      1. Jukesgrrl

        Years of "Inside Hollywood Entertainment Today, Tonight and Tomorrow" played 24/7 and reality television programming where we can watch cat fights and child exploitation any time our hearts desire have made Donald's behavior seem rather normal to anyone under the age of 70. Americans ceased to be offended by gauche sugar daddies and the trollops who love them years ago. Personally, I'm voting for Flavor Flav. He has TIME for America!

          1. emmelemm

            On further reflection, I might add a caveat: Flav has a good relationship with blacks who aren't his ex-wives and/or baby mamas.

  4. jus_wonderin

    (“If that were the case, why did Hillary Clinton do so poorly?” Turmp asked.)

    I love Hillary but she didn't run a good race. I was all for The Hill.

  5. sezme

    Perhaps he does not have such a great relationship with the blacks. But he does have an unquestionably wonderful relationship with the mutant-albino, dead-squirrel toupee society.

  6. aguacatero

    And, reciprocally, the blacks have a good relationship with the wood-grain scalp tattoos.

  7. SorosBot

    He can prove his good relationship with the blacks by picking Omarosa as his running mate.

  8. Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum

    Gosh, if "the blacks" are as tiny-minded and spiteful as Trump says, I can see why he has a great relationship with them.

  9. Sophist [غني عن ذلك]

    Trump's right, this sort of bigotry is sadly all too common. People are just unwilling to vote for candidates that are outside their particular ingroup. Take all the Christians who won't consider voting for Romney because of his Mormonism, for instance, or all the human beings that wouldn't vote for Sarah Palin.

    1. arihaya

      and all the honest, loving, faithful husbands and wives that will never even considering a vote for Gingrich

  10. DownFist Troll

    I don't hate the [_____]s! I love the [_____]s! Some of my best friends are [_____]s, and we get along great.

      1. DownFist Troll

        let's not forget:

        "I'm sorry people got angry over the things i may or may not have said"
        "Being in a position of power made me screw my secretary"

  11. nounverb911

    "Donald Trump: Ive Always Had a Great Relationship With the Blacks"
    Conrad, jack or Lewis?

    1. riverside68

      Lewis is total fan and supporter, Conrad probably not so much.
      Jack wants to know if there is anything in it for him, 'cause if there is, he be cool.

  12. memzilla

    Whenever you use a phrase like "the blacks" or "the Asians" or "the whites" to say you have a great relationship with them… you don't.

    1. AutomaticPilot

      Um, I think the fancy "politically correct" term is Chinamen. (And it covers all the orientals.)

      1. MaxUdargo

        Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

        Anyway, the Chinaman is not the issue here. Donny is out of his element!

          1. Doktor Zoom

            I just want to understand this, sir. Every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the owner?

    2. DahBoner

      Trump once stayed at a hotel in Chinatown with his mistress, and ordered out for some Caucasian food….

    3. finallyhappy

      According to one of my Chinese friends(some of my best friends are not Chinese but I do have a few), Orientals are rugs.

      1. zhubajie

        I can assure you that in the People's Republic of China, no one give's a rat's ass. Businesses labelled "Oriental" something or other are legion.

      2. MaxUdargo

        Goddamn it. You're just taunting all of us Big Lebowski fans at this point, aren't you?

        I'm too drunk to accept the challenge. Something about micturating. And railroads.

  13. backbaconzgood

    Does ripping them off then, gutting and destoring thier neighborhood identity, and putting up gaudy homogeneous apartments count as "Great relationship with the blacks" now? Huh, who'd a thunk it.

    1. OhNoGuy

      If The Donald becomes Preznit, then you can be sure we have no class. Which is kinda like your "classless" society.

    1. BlueMonkeh

      running for the GOP nomination is the hottest new career opportunity (see: newt, snowbilly, et al) – latest and greatest wingnut welfare scheme

      and those dead rats he glues to his head probably don't come cheap (they just look that way)

  14. BarackMyWorld

    I'm glad with Beck going away (somewhat), Trump is here to pick up the stupid slack.

  15. occams8ball

    "you know, the numbers you cite are very, very frightening numbers,” he told a radio interviewer ….not safe to go there alone, especially at night.

  16. riverside68

    They listen to me for hours, agree with everything I say and never argue with or interrupt me. They are very classy people, we need more of them.

  17. Rosie_Scenario

    Anybody remember when Ross Perot gave a speech to the NAACP, during one of his ill-fated presidential campaigns, and called them "you people?" Good times.

    1. BlueMonkeh

      20 years ago, some old white, rich cracker making the comment was not quite as surprising as it should be today (but is not)

    2. tessiee

      As I recall the story, one of Perot's publicity team decided that sending him to the NAACP function would counteract the perception that the Texas billionaire wasn't attuned to the concerns of minorities and the underprivileged.

      At one point, Perot looked around the room and said something like [you have to imagine it in his voice and accent, too]: "By golly, you people are all right!"

      This was followed by a stunned silence in the room and Jesse Jackson shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperated disbelief.

    1. weejee

      wee can hear them singing out the window

      ♪♫ R-E-S-P-E-C-T
      Find out what it means to me
      Trump has no clue as you can see ♫♪

    1. riverside68

      Hey dimes in John D.'s day where like $10 bills today.
      There is not one single thing The Donald does right.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          OK, you asked: In Pgh, you'll see it spelled either way. I choose "yunz" because to my ear, that's how it sounds spoken by people in the city. You hear the pinched, nasal "yinz" more commonly in the Monongahela Valley towns south of the city (which are actually quite near West Virginia). Classic Pittsburghese was heavily influenced by the pronunciation of immigrants from Germany (e.g., saying "haus" for "house" — the most obvious tell of a Pittsburgher) and Ireland (calling your "Mom" "Mum," for instance, and ending sentences on a strong upswing, almost as definitely as Valley Girls do). To hear a Pgh accent in your head, think about that asshole Dennis Miller. His SNL signature line, "I'm ahta here," is Pittsburgh at its most extreme. Another famous instance of Pittsburgh slang, on the order of yunz, is adding "'n 'at" at the ends of sentences to indicate "etc." As in, "The wedding buffet had yer rigatoni, yer stuffed cabbage, 'n 'at."

  18. Jerri

    Gah! Just got finished saying on the other Trump thread that his lips always look like a dried up asshole, and now this horrible picture just makes the point all to real.

    I hope he talks soon about how he has a great relationship with Latinos because he always gives the help a Christmas card, and is sometimes nice to the brown fella who drives his car. Also he's great with broads. Loves the broads!

    1. neiltheblaze

      He has a great relationship with the Latinos on accounta how much he loves Adobo seasoning.

  19. GeneralLerong

    Uh oh, watch out, $arah "Bullseye" Palin won't stand for being usurped by Turnip in The Lamestream Media she courts so assiduously.

    She's no doubt right now lookin' for someone to blame so she can play the victim for something or other. Brings in the cash, doncha know.

    1. mereoblivion

      Where in blazes IS the lady lately? Startin' to skeer me. D'you think she finally got it that there's such a thing as overexposure, even for a shameless hussy such as she?

  20. randcoolcatdaddy

    I'm sure he has a wonderful relationship with railroad porters and shoeshine boys…

  21. Jukesgrrl

    "Without them I couldn't put my pants on one leg at a time, a key element in my being a man of the people."

  22. timbo71351

    This braying jackass is going to end up blowing up his TV show, thanks to making dumb statements like this and hanging out with those idiotic, racist birthers. Wait 'till advertisers and any black person who isn't Alan Keys starts running from him. Someone close to him needs to tell him to STFU.

    1. mrpuma2u

      Nah he is surrounded by yes men and yes bimbos, no one near him has the balls to stand up to him. He gets all his employees f from the "Sycophants 'r us" staffing agency

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      1. No one can tell The Trump anything–he knows it all.
      2. Self destruction is a wonderful thing to behold, sometimes. This is one of those times. Keep goin', Donald baby!

  23. Ralph_Wiggum

    I didn't realize Trump was old enough to start putting gratuitous articles in his speech. Usually it's only old guys at the gym who say things like 'The wife's got me on the oatmeal to control the diabetes' . How is is he, anyway?

  24. HedonismBot

    I love how the wingers have elevated former worst enemy Hillary Clinton to sainthood ever since the Kenyan came along. Does this mean Republicans will support her campaign in 2016?

      1. HedonismBot

        I was against her in 2008, I guess mostly because I was profoundly uncomfortable with the whole Bush/Clinton/Bush/Clinton idea. But, if she would show more liberal spine than Obama has, I'm all for her. Hell, if she promises to personally kick John Boehner, Paul Ryan and the Kock brothers in the teeth, I might even donate.
        Funny, though. For Republicans and proto-teabaggers, this woman was Satan incarnate until, oh, about the time it became apparent Obama had sewn up the 2008 primaries.

        1. mereoblivion

          It's easy to imagine that she might despise us a little less than Barry gives every sign of doing, but then it's easy to imagine a lot of nice things about the one who lost.

  25. poncho_pilot

    Doland Turmp: and the colored girls sing, "do-do-do. do. do-do-do-do. do. do. do. do-do-do. do."

  26. neiltheblaze

    I hear a sentence like that and I realize the '50's never really stopped for some folks.

  27. DrunkIrishman

    Of course Donald has a good relationship with the blacks. Who else is he going to get to work the valet at his hotels?

  28. hagajim

    Trump has a great relationship with "the blacks"….mine is a great relationship with "my navel". Next thing you know Donny will be raving about his relationship with "the poors".

  29. Gopherit

    Of course he thinks he has a great relationship with blacks. He always tips his porters and shine boys well.

  30. chascates

    No doubt the many photos behind him show the blacks he has had great relationships with.

  31. arihaya

    this idiot might not understand that African Americans have lean Democrats since New Deal and Civil Right Act

  32. Doktor Zoom

    I've always had a good relationship with the definite articles, myself.

    Honestly, when Anglo community college students in Idaho say "the blacks," I just sigh inwardly and then patiently explain why We Don't Say That. When a national figure who should know better pulls it, I get the anger.

  33. bebopluvr

    I've seen a few different figures, but these are close enough to get the point:
    Gore Got 95 percent of the black vote, Kerry 93 percent, Obama 96%.
    Yeah, "the Donald"–that's an obvious avalanche of votes for someone based on their race alone. Do we have to be subjected to this race-baiting, birther piece of shit?

  34. WinterOuthouse

    I know 'the black' I adore his comedy routine. Sometimes people say Jack is crude and angry, but I like the black.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        He has a younger cousin named Jack. Starred in School of Rock among other things. Was brilliant in the John Cusack film High Fidelity. Is one half of the rock due Tenacious D.

  35. WinterOuthouse

    My cousin had surgery and now, during the healing, his reason for living is vertically half black and half white. I have a black right there on my family tree. Top that bitches!

  36. tcaalaw

    Given that both of Trump's birth certificates are pretty clear that he was born in Jamaica, it makes sense that he would have good relations with the African-American community.

  37. DemmeFatale

    All hail the Wonkette War-Blog!!

    I love the smell of the Donald's hair burning in the morning!

    (Hands off Hillary, you creep!)

  38. BklynIlluminati

    this SOB has gone and done lost his MF'ing mind. It's getting to the point where he is stone cold crazy and always has been and its coming out now, or this the greatest in-joke between him and Charlie Sheen

  39. __kth__

    No Republicans get black votes, this is srsly Trump dog-whistling to the bigots. "They are all in the ACORN, who tells them who to vote for".

  40. Beowoof

    Has anyone discussed Donald's being loved by the blacks with Bill Cosby? (who by the way is a self made black billionaire, who actually had to go out and do shit to make his money, unlike Donald, whose Daddy left him a big pile to get started).

  41. BZ1

    The Donald has hardly a relationship with reality, never mind with various disaffected groups…

  42. Poindexter718

    …and done lots of business with the yellows. Just don't get me started on the browns.

  43. UpFistTroll

    This is entirely OT, but I have a Greasemonkey script that will now expand all the threads on a page and upfist every comment that hasn't been voted on yet. Soon it will include:
    – The ability to run and refresh the page automatically
    – The ability to downfist certain usernames instead
    – The ability to do one of the following to troll posts: white them out, replace all but the first letter of each word with "urrrrr," replace post contents with the output of a Markov Chain generator fed quotes from Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, et al.

    I will be more than happy to make this available to anybody who wants it when it is complete.

    1. MittsHairHelmet

      I don't care about anything else but I need that Bachmann Santorum et al quote generator that is internet gold

      1. UpFistTroll

        It will take a little bit; that's one of the latter features. Right now I have to work on script automation, as right now it has to be clicked manually to run, and that just won't fly against the twenty-four-hour downfister script that the trolls are running. setTimeout() isn't sufficient because IntenseDebate uses that for its own purposes, so I'll need to come up with another option…

  44. GregComlish

    He probably could have gotten away with using the term "Black Americans" if weren't subsequently making some ludicrous claim that he has always had a great relationship with an entire race of people.

  45. GOPCrusher

    I'm disappointed that The Donald didn't throw out something like "Democratic plantation" or "Martin Luther King Jr. was a Republiklan", because after all the birther garbage that he's been tossing around, he might as well go Full Retard.
    And yet he still wouldn't reach the Santorum on the Crazy Meter.

    1. mourningnmerica

      You know The Mendoza Line in baseball? Well after this latest, in politics it will be known as The Santorum Line.

  46. MittsHairHelmet

    "He loses points for saying he has a “good relationship” with “the blacks,” but he definitely makes up for it by using the term “the blacks” and saying they only support Obama because he’s black."


    1. Jukesgrrl

      No, I think he calls us all bitches unless we're doing something for him, in which case we're "great broads."

      Or, as someone called me on another site recently, "Jerksgrrl."

  47. SpeedoFart

    “I have a great relationship with the blacks. I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks."

    Whatever, grandpa.

    1. Radio_Level_7

      My grandpa calls them the "coloreds". But, he has always great relationship with them.

  48. Redhead

    Who's Turmp?

    And many black people don't vote for conservatives because for years and years, to the present day, conservatives tried to fuck them over six ways to Sunday. Unlike poor redneck whites, who keep voting for the same politicians who have screwed them over, six ways to Sunday, for about as long. (But don't tell a redneck he's dumber than a black person – dem's shootin words in Redneck land! Once he catches you on his scooter.)

    1. DemmeFatale

      I once worked for a black congressional candidate who just shook his head sadly and sighed wearily at the idea of a black Republican.

      1. emmelemm

        My best friend's grandfather was a black Republican political critter. He had photos of himself with Bush the Senior hanging in his office (he had been some sort of low-level advisor/appointee or something in the first Bush administration).

        It is a complete and total mystery, but it happens. See also: Condoleeza Rice.

  49. Doktor Zoom

    So maybe Donnie* was thinking of Lewis Black, who recently endorsed Trump as the best candidate to lead America toward its destiny as a third-world dictatorship.

    *who really does need to shut the fuck up; he's out of his element!

  50. Jukesgrrl

    Yes, because those same numbers make people like me want rip that weasel off your head and make you eat it raw.

  51. Beetagger

    It's obvious to me that penis size determines who gets elected. Hillary was a tad under-endowed.

  52. LetUsBray

    The harshest thing I'm willing to say about the prez we have is that he's pretty much the president I expected Hillary to be be.

  53. Fuck Toad

    I have the best relationships. I'm the best at making friends. I'm best friends with the blacks. I'm good at blacks. I'd be the best President. I'll make a lot of money as President. I know how to make deals. I can make deals with the blacks.

    Good at blacks, best President.

  54. Negropolis

    Is he talking about the New Zealand national rugby team, the All Blacks? Because, as a card-carrying lifetime member of the regular old "The Blacks", we don't know The Donald, let alone have a good relationship with him.

    What decade are we in, again? "the blacks"? Really?

    Yo, Donald. Imma let you finish, but Archie Bunker called; he wants his folksy racism back cause he had the best folksy racism ever.

    1. Radio_Level_7

      Yeah, I'm looking for some new, hot young "thread."
      Preferably, a whitebread thread, not that we have anything against Blacks or anything.

  55. Negropolis

    Totally off topic, but 5,000 union protestors showed up at the Michigan State Capitol, yesterday. Guess how many tea partiers showed up, today? About 400. Suck it, scooteratti.

    1. DarwinianDemon

      Not fair, there was a slight incline to get there and have you SEEN electricity prices lately?

  56. DarwinianDemon

    See, he's thinking he's got himself three solid voting blocks there: PUMAs, Racists and Birthers, but there is a lot of overlap in that territory.

  57. Negropolis


    The only people important to Trump are people he can manipulate. His wives and children included.

  58. BarackMyWorld

    Maybe he doesn't need the blacks. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads – they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.

  59. Warpde

    ‘I’ve Always Had a Great Relationship With the Blacks. They work cheap and say "Yes Boss but please don't go a wipi'n me again." Ha,Ha, Ha..those funny colored folk.'

    Your a "AAA" Asshole Trump.

    PS (Piece of Shit) Lose the Orange shag rug, it went out in the eighties.

  60. ttommyunger

    Gee, Donald, you do know that the slave-master thing is a relationship, dontcha? Its a pretty good one, too, for the Master, that is.

  61. tessiee

    Comment from Bobtroll about how racism *really* consists of discrimination against whiteboys, supported by anecdote of someone calling him a cracker in 3… 2…

  62. RoyalOpposition

    I remember the blacks…they moved in with Larry David. It's cool, no racism intended. (except for the base it was intended to reach)

  63. BaldarTFlagass

    Yeah, sometime in the last 30 years or so we tapped into the Spindletop of Stupid. It's a gusher, boys!

  64. trondant

    That's my fault – I keep telling myself I'll stop poking needles in the condom boxes at the Wal-Mart, but I just can't seem to stop.

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