NECROPHILIA  2:52 pm April 14, 2011

Why He Runs: Rick Santorum’s Own ‘Fetus Jar’ Story

by Jack Stuef

Never thought about it, but where do you think they kept the fetus' body in this? Is it in the doll?It’s been some time since Rick Santorum has been relevant to politics (NOTE: he still isn’t), so it’s easy to forget the stupid things he’s said about his main issues, protecting the fetuses and attacking the gays. Here’s something we forgot about: Santorum has his very own fetus story, but unlike Barbara Bush, when his wife miscarried in 1996, they didn’t stick the thing in a jar and put it on display. Santorum wrapped the dead fetus in a blanket, took it out of the hospital, and “spent several hours kissing and cuddling Gabriel [the fetus] with his three siblings.” Sure, a miscarriage is a sad and rather strange experience for anyone to suffer, but, uh: “They took photos, sang lullabies in his ear and held a private Mass.” That should be a cute family album to show primary voters! What kind of clothes did they dress it up in? Did they make the fetus the altar boy?

EVERY SINGLE PARAGRAPH of the first half or so of this old Washington Post story is just golden.

“That’s my little guy,” Santorum says, pointing to the photo of Gabriel, in which his tiny physique is framed by his father’s hand. The senator often speaks of his late son in the present tense. It is a rare instance in which he talks softly.

Sounds like somebody’s already picked a running mate! He really does seem to love that dead fetus more than anyone in his family.

Not a “fetus,” either, as Rick and Karen were appalled to see him described — “a 20-week-old fetus” — on a hospital form. They changed the form to read “20-week-old baby.”

How dare the hospital use medical terms for their medicine?

Santorum’s wife wrote and published a book of letters to the fetus. You know, some light reading for when the dead fetus is at the beach or whatever.

“When the partial-birth abortion vote comes to the floor of the U.S. Senate for the third time,” Karen writes to Gabriel, “your daddy needs to proclaim God’s message for life with even more strength and devotion to the cause.”

Must have been able to read at a pretty high level for a dead fetus.

He often speaks of the “coincidences” that occurred during Karen’s pregnancy with Gabriel. “It struck me that if God is into sending messages, then I was getting some,” Santorum says.

“I like this fetus more than your other spawn, so I’m going to show it mercy by killing it before it has to be raised by you,” God said.

Finally, here’s the Rick we know and love:

Former Democratic senator Bob Kerrey once wondered whether Santorum is “Latin for [anus].”

[WP via Gawker]

 
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{ 313 comments }

Come here a minute April 14, 2011 at 2:55 pm

If that was a 20-week-old baby, when do they celebrate their kids' birthdays?

HateMachine April 14, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Let's just say that no child wishes to receive presents for the anniversary of his or her parents fucking. Especially not Rick Santorum's children.

mull_man April 14, 2011 at 3:03 pm

delivered dead, ergo they celebrate death day – aka Santorum Easter

SorosBot April 14, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Since it was a miscarriage, shouldn't that be a -1 day old baby?

genxr April 14, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Seems the age should be negative counting down, like a year.BC, or in this case BMC (before miscarriage)

Boojum_Reborn April 14, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Why would they celebrate a birthday for a child who was actually born? Those are reserved for the evolutionary culls, the waste products of failed conception, the Santorum of the reproductive process, as it were.

genxr April 14, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Fuck him, I'm not turning 40 yet.

OneDollarJuana April 14, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Well, let's do the math. Most of their kids were born the "normal" way, I'm guessing. That is, 9 months gestation. One year is 1.33 times the gestation period. Applying that ratio to Junior, we get (20 weeks) x 1.33 = 26.6 weeks. Thus, the Santorums have a little birthday party twice a year!

Jeez, the other kids must be jealous.

tessiee April 15, 2011 at 12:33 pm

A high school friend of mine celebrated her "half birthday" six months after her actual birthday, which at the time I thought was a great idea. Now, not so much.

DrunkIrishman April 14, 2011 at 2:56 pm

If elected, would we have to start calling it the First Fetus?

poncho_pilot April 14, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Fotus the Fetus.

mourningnmerica April 14, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Fetus / Fetus 2012

Naturally, Fetus Bush tops the ticket, if there was any confusion about that.

When asked to comment, President Obama replied, "No Fetus can beat us."

DaSandman April 14, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Why didn't they just eat poor 20 week old flesh mass "The Gabester" and have it's power forever and ever inside them? Do it yourself communion indeed.

At this point, the neighbors have got to be real fucking nervous…

Gopherit April 14, 2011 at 3:01 pm

I grok Gabriel.

Boojum_Reborn April 14, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Either Thou Art God or a grotesque lump of rotting spontaneous abortion.

DaSandman April 14, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Either way, there's political hay to be made. Pass the hot sauce, please

Lascauxcaveman April 14, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Technically, the only cannibalism allowed in the Catholic faith is when you eat Jesus, at communion.

FNMA April 14, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Cue up the Paul Harvey voice: And that little fetus grew up to be…Roy Cohn.

DaRooster April 14, 2011 at 3:13 pm

… and now you know… the beast of the story.

EdFlintstone April 14, 2011 at 2:57 pm

The Addams family wasn't that creepy. I bet they kept it away from the family dog.

Santorum/Necrophilia 2012

chascates April 14, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Jar Jar Santorum

Gratuitous World April 14, 2011 at 2:58 pm

it's kind of like how every hollywood actress of a certain age has a story about fucking Scott Baio.
And so it will be for 21st century conservatives and their pickled fetuses.

OneDollarJuana April 14, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Wait, do you mean as in having sex with Scott Baio, or that Scott Baio is a real jerk?

pukebot April 14, 2011 at 2:58 pm

every time i fill up a rubber i hug it and sing to it, big deal.

emmelemm April 14, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Win.

Bonzos_Bed_Time April 14, 2011 at 3:19 pm

I tend to toss mine out the window and onto the parking lot, but whatever works for you.

KeepFnThatChicken April 14, 2011 at 3:24 pm

200 million little pukebots. BEAT THAT, GABRIEL THE UNDERACHIEVER

pukebot April 14, 2011 at 3:33 pm

i tell them, you're all my favorite little pukebots. you're all precious and unique in the eyes of god.

KeepFnThatChicken April 14, 2011 at 4:29 pm

do you also tell them they're going to die in 12-36 hours?

finallyhappy April 14, 2011 at 7:45 pm

do you know bat semen lives for months(inside the bat) but that is way longer than humans)? Don't even ask how I know this- but hey, it comes in useful

Radio_Level_7 April 14, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Wait, you robots "fill up" rubber. Damn, are you that productive or do you just re-use them?

DahBoner April 14, 2011 at 3:33 pm

All unemployed hobos always reuse their condoms until full, then recycle them on The John Boner Front Yard Waste Recycling Center

Andrew Drinker April 14, 2011 at 4:12 pm

So that's why Santorum always cried when he masturbated as an adolescent…

tessiee April 15, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Well, that, and the whole whipping himself while kneeling on a copy of the Bible.

Doktor Zoom April 14, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Verbatim discussion of cave geology, from an essay written by a 4th-grader (not my kid, I hasten to add):

"Stagtmines are formed by a build-up for many years of a mineral called cowsemen."

tessiee April 15, 2011 at 12:36 pm

I have funerals for Tampax.

PsycWench April 14, 2011 at 3:00 pm

I felt sorry for them at first and was all "however they deal with it is up to them" until they started working for some serious political points. When it got to Daddy and the partial birth abortion vote I was so disgusted I wondered if they'd maim an existing child if it garnered the precious handicapped childs' parent vote.

Maman April 14, 2011 at 3:41 pm

You are going to make his kids nervous….

Andrew Drinker April 14, 2011 at 4:13 pm

"You are going to make his kids more nervous…. "

There, fixed it for ya!

Lascauxcaveman April 14, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Seriously, if they aren't nervous, they either sedated, retarded, or as warped as daddy.

BaldarTFlagass April 14, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Hmmm, which "dead baby" joke would be the most tasteless here?

nounverb911 April 14, 2011 at 3:03 pm

All of them, Katie.

But don't let me stop you.

horsedreamer_1 April 14, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Gabriel Santorum will save Michael J. Fox.

genxr April 14, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Gosh I can't think of any now but I'll go find some and bring 'em back to you.

(jokes, not dead babies)

SorosBot April 14, 2011 at 3:18 pm

The Santorums' own actions with the fetus break the bounds of good taste further than any joke we could make.

drrty_martini April 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm

The Aristocrats!

mourningnmerica April 14, 2011 at 4:39 pm

"……..How many dead baby Santora………."

mourningnmerica April 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Q: How do you keep the devil from taking your dead baby?
A: With a pitchfork.

GOPCrusher April 14, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Q: What do you call a dead babby floating in the ocean?
A: Bob

[redacted]hse April 14, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Hanging on the wall? Art.
Lying on the ground? First base.

tessiee April 15, 2011 at 12:39 pm

On the doorstep? Matt.

Zvi_Bleindmeis April 14, 2011 at 8:13 pm

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a pitbull with lipstick shooting a machine gut out of a helicopter?

A: Boobs!

Zvi_Bleindmeis April 14, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Q: What do you call a frothy mix of semen, fecal matter, lube and amniotic fluid?

A: Gabriel a la Santorum!

Zvi_Bleindmeis April 14, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Q: How many dead Santorum babies does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, because those goddamn pig-tail compact fluorescent bulbs never burn out!

(Shall I continue?)

bagofmice April 15, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Where's the birth certificate?

Mapmonger June 15, 2011 at 7:11 am

Q: What's fifteen inches long and makes women scream in the morning?
A: Crib death.

Gopherit April 14, 2011 at 3:00 pm

We've all seen this family. I am sure it wasn't a miscarriage……it was the sweet oblivion of suicide.

donner_froh April 14, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Kissing a dead fetus–maybe you convince yourself it slipped you a bit of tongue–sure orgasm for Santorum and and the rest of the right to "life" movement.

Baconzgood April 14, 2011 at 2:02 pm

“spent several hours kissing and cuddling Gabriel [the fetus] with his three siblings.”

FUUUUUUUUUCKED UUUUUUUUUP!!!!

UpFistTroll April 14, 2011 at 3:44 pm

I was going to say, there are very few things that actually squick me these days (thank you, Internet), but that image is one of the few that literally make me shudder with incredulous horror.

SorosBot April 14, 2011 at 3:57 pm

It just makes me feel bad for those poor kids of theirs.

backbaconzgood April 14, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Serious….That is not the action of a normal father. I'm a father of two and no where near normal (just ask Super-Dude and Worm Boy) and that is just….Abuse. Pure mental abuse. No grey area about that in my opinion. If my ex would have done that to my kids I'd of had a restraining order on her ass faster than you can say "get that crazy mo-fo away from my children".

genxr April 14, 2011 at 4:15 pm

So that's why his little girl is always crying like that.

S. Page January 4, 2012 at 12:55 pm

What? I thought that's what everyone does with a mis-carriaged fetus, uhem, baby.

BaldarTFlagass April 14, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Did they tie off the umbilical cord, or did the play kickball with the placenta with dead baby still attached?

Mumbletypeg April 14, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Of COURSE not! *pfft*..

Tetherball, naturally.

BornInATrailer April 14, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Like an extremely simple marionette.

OneDollarJuana April 14, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Or paddleball.

Or that game where you try to get the placenta back on Gabe's head just by swinging it on the cord.

Or Clackers.

Or like the Slinky Dog.

Or like a bolo.

GOPCrusher April 14, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Hackysack?

MistaEko April 14, 2011 at 3:03 pm

….then I was getting some,” Santorum says.

Annnnnd there went lunch.

Gopherit April 14, 2011 at 3:03 pm

If there were any justice, that whore Mrs Santorum would be in jail for not properly keeping her fetus uterus-ensconced.

Rosie_Scenario April 14, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Yeah, isn't a state legislature considering some kind of "fetus police" to investigate miscarriages? CSI: Uterus.

Gopherit April 14, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Yep. Georgia is trying to outcrazy Arizona. Amateurs.

horsedreamer_1 April 14, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Ohio had fetuses (fetii? (like the cheese??)) testify before a select committee of the Buckeye State's legi.

mourningnmerica April 14, 2011 at 4:46 pm

I suggest we use the government to try this woman to make her prove that she did not abort the fetus. She probably did. She was feeling just like Diane Keaton in "The Godfather".

"This all has to stop here now, this 'Republican Thing', Rick."

Boojum_Reborn April 14, 2011 at 3:03 pm

"Must have been able to read at a pretty high level for a dead fetus."

Or a live Teabagger.

DashboardTrombone April 14, 2011 at 3:04 pm

W.T.F?!

Zvi_Bleindmeis April 14, 2011 at 8:26 pm

W.T.F.W.J.D.?

OneDollarJuana April 14, 2011 at 8:29 pm

"Win The Future!" Except for Gabe.

DashboardTrombone April 14, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Win!

Dudleydidwrong April 14, 2011 at 3:05 pm

A miscarriage is sad. But Santorum of Santorumland is himself a miscarriage. When he votes and acts to SUPPORT CHILDREN ALREADY BORN then I'll have a modicum of sympathy for the bastard. Otherwise he's just another sick politician who makes use of a sad event for political reasons. I'll bet that someday he'll have his picture taken with his whole crying family on stage with him. Oh, wait…

(Sorry for the all caps, but sometimes you gotta shout to get through to these dorks.)

smokefilledroommate April 14, 2011 at 3:05 pm

"…and this is our youngest–20-week-old Gabriel. Wave hi, Gabriel!" (picks up the 'hand' and waves it)

DaRooster April 14, 2011 at 3:15 pm

(… Rick moves right arm up and down in waving fashion)

Radio_Level_7 April 14, 2011 at 3:29 pm

I never seen a 20 week old fapping.
Although, the Hangover "beat" me to it.

DownFist Troll April 14, 2011 at 3:06 pm

I'm a bit too horrified to snark this…

weejee April 14, 2011 at 3:11 pm

I agree with you DFT. For those few non-fertilized menstrual cycles do you think they sat Shiva for the egg?

V572..whatever April 14, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Glad you were too noble to be snarky.

weejee April 14, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Sometimes we simply must take the higher road.

harry_palmer April 14, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Aborting oneself rather than going through life in that family was an extreme, but understandable, act.

Swampgas_Man April 14, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Is little Gabriel available to date Barbara Bush's fetus-in-a-jar? That'd guarantee a White House wedding!

Santorum stories always descend from Ecchh to Horrible Weeping Noises pretty quickly.

Graham Cracker April 14, 2011 at 6:00 pm

And that guarantees the continuation of both dynasties. Bush/Santorum 2047

pinkocommi April 14, 2011 at 3:06 pm

“They took photos, sang lullabies in his ear and held a private Mass.”

If only the Westboro Baptist Church knew of the Mass, they could have held a protest with their "God Hates Fags" signs. Or maybe something more topical, like "God Miscarried Your Baby in Punishment for Abortion." That's quite catchy.

smashaduck April 14, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Odd, he didn't strike me as the kind of dick who texts pictures of his latest massive shit brick to his buddies. But even those assholes don't wrap the turd in a blanky and sing to it.

Doktor Zoom April 14, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Sometimes He's runny
Sometimes he's firm
Sometimes he practically water.
Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass
And wont fall in the toilet
'Cause he's just clinging to your sphincter
And he wont drop off .. and so you shake your ass around
And try to get it to drop in the toilet and finally it does.

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
When Christmas leaves he must leave too.
Flush him down but he's never gone
His smell and his spirit linger on.

emmelemm April 15, 2011 at 12:23 am

I am "old", so I went to college before the "texting" phenomenon, but my college boyfriend lived in a frat, and one time another frat guy ran in and said, "Dude, dude, you gotta see this!", and yes, it was a massive shit he'd just taken.

Good times!

Giveusabob April 14, 2011 at 3:07 pm

In Victorian times it was common for families to get staged, professional photos with their recently deceased infants, which were dressed to appear lifelike and full of joie de vie.

I think our culture has since misplaced something important in the intervening century.

UpFistTroll April 14, 2011 at 3:47 pm

YES, THANK YOU, this is exactly what I was trying to recall. I saw photos of that sort on a website once, and they gave me the exact same feeling that reading Santorum's fetus story did.

Giveusabob April 14, 2011 at 4:01 pm

An important detail was the old-timey families usually waited until they had an actual baby (alive or dead) before hiring a photographer. Enshrining a fetus seems to go even a step beyond George Carlin's "diaper sniffers."

Unless you want to go the Steampunk route, in which case, carry on sir! http://www.flickr.com/photos/porkshanks/275740679

comrad_darkness April 14, 2011 at 3:08 pm

People deal with grief in different ways. But invisible-man worshiping, peeing your pants insanity is a whole 'nother ballgame.

trumpbly_joe April 14, 2011 at 3:08 pm

So, that is incredibly creepy and macabre. Like, Poe macabre.

But, that notwithstanding, this:

Not a “fetus,” either, as Rick and Karen were appalled to see him described — “a 20-week-old fetus” — on a hospital form. They changed the form to read “20-week-old baby.”

is totally within a patient's rights with regards to their own medical records, but at the same time, is still the behavior of what we in the medical profession often call "major-league pains in the [anus]". We've had a few in my office, but they're mostly content to try and leave anti-contraception propaganda lying around, whenever they visit, and leave it at that.

Maman April 14, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Can you imagine if they described the miscarriage as a spontaneous abortion in the medical records? Oy.

UpFistTroll April 14, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Given that the average gestation period is 259 to 294 weeks (according to Wikipedia), they REALLY should have written "-256 +/- 17 week old baby". For the sake of accuracy, I mean. Or perhaps they could go the "BC/AD" route, and say it was "256 BV" (Before Vagina).

Doktor Zoom April 14, 2011 at 11:52 pm

"average gestation period is 259 to 294 weeks…"

Look, I dislike Santorum as much as anyone, but for god's sake–they're Republicans, not ACTUAL elephants….

Giveusabob April 14, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Such a precious little anthropomorphic newt, it was.

tessiee April 15, 2011 at 12:46 pm

So, when I go for my weekly abortions, I'm really not supposed to be changing my medical records so that they read, "tonsillectomy"?

Buzz Feedback April 14, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Oh dear.

horsedreamer_1 April 14, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Bob Kerrey beat Dan Savage to the punch.

donner_froh April 14, 2011 at 3:08 pm

“It struck me that if God is into sending messages, then I was getting some,”

getting some? When Rick Santorum wants to have sex with his wife he whips out his fetus maker and says, "Time to GET SOME, honey"

V572..whatever April 14, 2011 at 3:35 pm

And what else, you have to wonder, is God "into" — rap? heavy metal? weed? randomly fucking with the brains of halfwit politicians who try to enlist Him in their campaigns for high office?

OneYieldRegular April 14, 2011 at 3:09 pm

"Santorum’s wife wrote and published a book of letters to the fetus."

Wait a minute – Santorum is married to Oriana Fallaci?

mrpuma2u April 14, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Ok what part of fetus necrophilia doesn't ol Ricky get? Does he think this will not creep out just about everyone in the whole world? Time for your psych eval, Senator.

BlueStateLibel April 14, 2011 at 3:09 pm

I do of course have sympathy for any couple that experiences a miscarriage, but this is just sick. His kids are probably still having nightmares about it, and it really borders on child abuse.

vacuumslayer April 14, 2011 at 3:16 pm

It absolutely does. Beyond sick.

Jukesgrrl April 14, 2011 at 4:31 pm

It crossed the border and is in its own country now.

Boojum_Reborn April 14, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Build the damn fence!

ttommyunger April 15, 2011 at 10:24 am

His KIDS? Shit, I'll have nightmares about this, and I'm 70 fucking years old!

tessiee April 15, 2011 at 12:49 pm

"This is what we do to kids who don't do their homework!"

undeadgoat April 14, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Sadly, it's actually Latin for "Of the holy (people)" . . .

neiltheblaze April 14, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Well, now we know. The whole fam-damily is insane.

EBGrey April 14, 2011 at 3:11 pm

I'm calling Jack Stuef out on this one. The man and his wife lost their baby at week 20. Regardless of a person's political views, this aspect of a person's life should not be held up to ridicule.

4TheTurnstiles April 14, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Miscarriage is traumatic and personal. Until you make a campaign prop out of it, in public, for public gain.

prommie April 14, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Yes it should. Yes, this especially, should be held up to contempt and ridicule, revulsion and disgust and loathing. This dude is both stupid and insane. He can cuddle with fetus-corpses all he wants, but he should not be within 100 miles of any position of power, authority, or responsibility, precisely because he cuddles dead fetuses and keeps pictures of dead fetuses on his desk.

EBGrey April 14, 2011 at 3:26 pm

We're are not talking about a fetus that was lost at week 2 here. The first paragraph of the article says the child survived for two hours after its premature delivery. There are many reasons to criticize Rick Santorum. But, mocking him for how he chooses to mourn his loss should not be one of them.

backbaconzgood April 14, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Think to yourself. Are those the actions of a healthy person. To have his children, his other childern, manipulate a fetal corpse. And what kind of person would then exploit that trama. My ex had a miscarriage and she didn't talk about it to her parents. Imagine if I would have mentioned (Like Stern) it in a newspaper. He's a sick man.

prommie April 14, 2011 at 3:47 pm

This was not a viable baby, the santorums knew it was utterly doomed weeks before, and yet they insisted on continuing the pregnancy until the predicted and inevitable miscarriage, they insisted it be born with undeveloped lungs so it could suffer horribly and die just so they could call it their baby and do this revolting, sick, perverse veneration of it. They are evil fucks, and I fart in their general direction, fuck them and their grief.

SorosBot April 14, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Well at least it didn't suffer; fetuses aren't capable of feeling pain (or anything else) until at least 26 weeks.

LocalGirlMakesGoo April 14, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Except he's mourning his loss in front of a fucking camera.

mourningnmerica April 14, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Rick Santorum is a monster. A sick, toxic, megalomaniac. He wants to be in charge of how all of us are allowed to live our lives. Fuck him. None of us would even know about this if it were not for him using it to advance his career. Your point of view is misguided. You are missing the big picture.

GOPCrusher April 14, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Not only should he be mocked for being a sadistic bastard, but anyone that defends this abomination deserves to be mocked also.

Nothingisamiss April 14, 2011 at 8:20 pm

I do understand your point. I was in a situation ( as a professional) dealing with this. What the parents do or do not do is very private, and the sadness is still something I recall.

The people I remember did not use this situation as a campaign prop, picture or family fuck up, however. That is batshit insane, and just sets a new low for political "pro life" behavior.

emmelemm April 14, 2011 at 3:25 pm

This wouldn't be an issue if Santorum himself didn't make it a front and center issue. There are lots of people out there who've endured miscarriages, for whom I have sympathy, without knowing all the disgusting details.

BornInATrailer April 14, 2011 at 3:54 pm

"He who is without sin cast the first dead political prop fetus."

genxr April 14, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Someone organize a flash mob to cast political prop fetuses at his next campaign event.

Doktor Zoom April 14, 2011 at 11:57 pm

Let us not forget: "Steuf" is an anagram of "fetus."

and of course, his full name anagrams to "A Fuck Jest"–clearly, God wanted this man working at Wonkette.

Lascauxcaveman April 15, 2011 at 12:40 am

Praise be to Him.

BZ1 April 14, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Who is that delightful little girl that the Santorum is putting his hands on?

TheMightyHaltor April 14, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Is it just me or is Christianity slowly morphing into a fetus-worship cult?

V572..whatever April 14, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Not Christianity. Just the Catholics.

Jukesgrrl April 14, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Nope. This perverse obsession crosses all religious boundaries. Neither Randall Terry, founder of Operation Rescue, nor Troy Newman, its current head, is Catholic. There's no evidence that Scott Roeder, the man who murdered Dr. Tiller, is Catholic either. Schizophrenic, yes, Catholic, no.

V572..whatever April 14, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Good to know, but in my now better-informed mind, the imprimatur of Roman Catholicism lends a measure of legitimacy they’d otherwise lack to the Terrys, Newmans and Roeders of the world, monsters that they are.

prommie April 14, 2011 at 5:18 pm

The catholics constitute the better-educated wing of the fetus-worshipper crowd, thats why the GOP has been putting catholics on the supreme court, catholics have the schoolin' credentials, and they still have the ability to scream "yer prejudiced" if you oppose their nomination. Still, these Scalia variety catholics are a distinct minority even among catholics.

__kth__ April 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm

history lesson: evangelicals picked up the anti-abortion cause circa 1978, just in time to mobilize the rubes for Reagan.

emmelemm April 14, 2011 at 6:32 pm

I read a book in college (I know, I know, too mush edumacation) that basically said that a big swell of "grass-roots" anti-abortion sentiment came out of the ERA/feminism movement of the 60s/early 70s. Women who did not work outside the home and who continued to be in a traditional/religious family structure, i.e., dependent on husbands for support, were threatened by abortion/birth control.

Women who had access to birth control and/or abortion had control over their own reproductive processes, so they could more easily manage their own educations and careers. That was threatening to women who were still in the status quo of "We get knocked up, which means men have to marry us, and then support us for the rest of our lives, because we can't work, because we're constantly knocked up." They felt like it de-legitimized their way of life, and furthermore, that eventually men might say, "Bitches, why the fuck don't you take care of yourself and quit getting knocked up?"

So the "housewives left behind" had a lot of time and energy to put into organizing groups around the anti-abortion issue, while the newly independent women trying to earn their own way didn't have time (or inclination) to put as much effort into defending their new-found freedoms.

BlueMonkeh April 14, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Read a book? Libtard elitist!

prommie April 14, 2011 at 3:48 pm

I think the term for it is a "fetish." A fetus fetish, fetish in the religious sense, as opposed to the sexual sense.

TheMightyHaltor April 14, 2011 at 3:55 pm

A fetus fetish? Say that three times fast.

poncho_pilot April 14, 2011 at 4:15 pm

a fetush?

SorosBot April 14, 2011 at 3:58 pm

I know one guy who refers to the anti-choicers as "embryo fetishists". It works.

OneDollarJuana April 14, 2011 at 8:37 pm

Also remember that a "fetish" is both an irrational obsession, and can be the object of that obsession. As in dead foetus that Mrs. Santorum so fetishized that she wrote enough material for a book about the object, the fetish.

Gopherit April 14, 2011 at 3:12 pm

You almost get the feeling that this article should have ended with "The Aristocrats!"

drrty_martini April 14, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Aw jeez! I didn't realize you had already said this. Great minds.

ArmoredBore April 14, 2011 at 3:13 pm

No words except for "AAAAAAAAAHH!!"

memzilla April 14, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Seriously, this anecdote is a cross between an Edgar Allen Poe story and a DSM-IV entry.

smokefilledroommate April 14, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Poor fetus was apparently a Santorum with urethral issues.

Limeylizzie April 14, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Fetus Don't Fail Me Now.

neiltheblaze April 14, 2011 at 3:29 pm

My favorite album by Little Featus

Limeylizzie April 14, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Sommeone downfisted you for that? I will upfist with alacrity.

neiltheblaze April 14, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Back atcha – it only goes to show how egalitarian they are with the down-fisty thing. Or, if you prefer, "wanton".

Limeylizzie April 14, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Mmmm wonton.

poncho_pilot April 14, 2011 at 3:30 pm

well played.

Limeylizzie April 14, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Downfisting , silent and vile troll is around. I miss that rabid, batshit insane troll from yesterday, much more fun than SpankyMcSpankuntington

poncho_pilot April 14, 2011 at 4:07 pm

i prefer trolls who attempt to use words and not just their fists.

[redacted]hse April 14, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Fetus- wasn't he on "Gunsmoke"?

ttommyunger April 15, 2011 at 10:28 am

You do have your moments, Lizzie.

Bonzos_Bed_Time April 14, 2011 at 3:16 pm

What a cute little tadpole, kitchy-kitchy-koo, who's daddy's little tadpole, yes, yes, that's my little Gabby…

Barbara_i April 14, 2011 at 3:23 pm

God help me, I snorted when I laughed, thanks!

SmutBoffin April 14, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Good grief, haven't the people of WI suffered enough: Sarah Palin coming to Madison.

Natl_Indecency_Cmdr, we need you!

emmelemm April 14, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Where's the BatFist signal??

Rotundo_ April 14, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Let us think pleasant thoughts: Otis Redding, Lake Monona, Airplane Crash, Snowcunt, Lake Monona, Airplane Crash,Snowcunt, Lake Monona, Airplane Crash,Snowcunt, Lake Monona, Airplane Crash,Snowcunt, Lake Monona, Airplane Crash,Snowcunt, Lake Monona, Airplane Crash,Snowcunt, Lake Monona, Airplane Crash,Snowcunt, Lake Monona, Airplane Crash,Snowcunt, Lake Monona, Airplane Crash……OHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMM…….

GOPCrusher April 14, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Oh God no. I don't think my psyche would handle Bible Spice as a Martyr For The Cause.

chicken_thief April 14, 2011 at 3:19 pm

The dead Gabster gets a book of letters from mommy – bet the living kids feel really fucking good about THAT. I bet they are so tired of hearing about "poor Gabriel, he could have ______ if he'd only lived" that if he did come back to life, the rest of the clan would kill him.

Fare la Volpe April 14, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Did they at least wash it off before kissing it?

ttommyunger April 15, 2011 at 10:29 am

Licked it off would be more in character, with a good Chianti.

tessiee April 15, 2011 at 12:59 pm

I get the reference, but I'm betting that if they drink any kind of alcohol, it would be whatever brand of beer/box wine is the cheapest that Kroger's carries.

ttommyunger April 15, 2011 at 1:04 pm

AND, they would conceal the practice from each other. Hypocrisy rules!

Allmighty_Manos April 14, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Miscarriage is a horrible thing to go through and it's easy to get connected to a unborn (baby, fetus, whatever your preferred term) when its yours so I'm not going to mock him because it isn't all that funny. Promoting in the press is something else however.

Ruhe April 14, 2011 at 3:32 pm

You're right about the seriousness of the actual situation for an actual family. When it becomes a matter of public "I love my children more than you do" preening it certainly starts to feel like what my old CCD teacher would have disdainfully called "false piety".

reliefsinn April 14, 2011 at 7:26 pm

You know who else has used a helpless infant as a political prop?

LetUsBray April 14, 2011 at 9:50 pm

God?

BornInATrailer April 15, 2011 at 10:02 am

Wow, 5 stars.

tessiee April 15, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Sarah Palin?

finallyhappy April 14, 2011 at 7:54 pm

I think it is the issue of using it to promote himself- obviously how you privately deal with this sort of loss should not be mocked.

ttommyunger April 15, 2011 at 10:30 am

It do make all the difference, Manos.

KeepFnThatChicken April 14, 2011 at 3:21 pm

“When the partial-birth abortion vote comes to the floor of the U.S. Senate for the third time, your daddy needs to proclaim God’s message for life with even more strength and devotion to the cause.”

The cause, of course? Mass killin' Muslims.

SorosBot April 14, 2011 at 3:21 pm

It's very pro-life to do things to your actual born, living children that will horrible scar them for life.

prommie April 14, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Finally, something from real life that is actually creepier than Eraserhead.

DaRooster April 14, 2011 at 3:22 pm

I feel bad for the kids… I can't imagine how the hell little ones are supposed to understand that kind of shit. Sad and quite deranged. This guy truly sucks. I am sure he would be the first to turn someone in for disciplining a kid but he can make his kids hold a dead fetus? Real nice.

SICK FUCK FOR PREZNIT 2012! There ya go Baggers! Nice candidate you got there.

Bonzos_Bed_Time April 14, 2011 at 3:22 pm

So is it the Catholics or the Mormons that can pray dead souls into Heaven?

I always thought it was the Joseph Smithians, but perhaps it's the Paul of Tarsusians?

LiveToServeYa April 14, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Well, Catholics pray people into heaven while Mormons just baptize them when they're not looking using water-balloons filled with holy water or a Super-Soaker or something.

Bonzos_Bed_Time April 14, 2011 at 3:51 pm

I never did earn my sect-detection badge :-(

poncho_pilot April 14, 2011 at 3:56 pm

is that a pokemon badge?

Bonzos_Bed_Time April 14, 2011 at 3:59 pm

"…of honor"

mavenmaven April 14, 2011 at 3:22 pm

We have some fetal downfisters running rampant on this thread. I suspect they would make good case histories in support of abortion rights.

poncho_pilot April 14, 2011 at 4:17 pm

"…and at X number of weeks you can see their little fists."

harry_palmer April 14, 2011 at 3:23 pm

The neighbor kids came over and asked if Gabriel could come out and play baseball. "But you know he died about half way to term," said his mother. "Yeah, we wanted to use him for second base."

chicken_thief April 14, 2011 at 3:32 pm

A few more weeks and he would have made an awesome ornamental head pin.

mourningnmerica April 14, 2011 at 5:06 pm

One good turn deserves another.

Q: What do you call a girl with one arm and one leg, riding a bicycle?

EdFlintstone April 14, 2011 at 3:23 pm

O.K. mom, kids everybody around the dead fetus. Big smiles now, say CHEEEEEESE. OK thats a keeper.

Ruhe April 14, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Or if not a keeper…to the cloud.

CrunchyKnee April 14, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Hey, now, I have a new business idea — Hoverounds for Fetuses (or is that feti?)!

4tehlulz_lite April 14, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Rick's only in it to make the Mormon cultist look normal and nonthreatening.

He's doing a good job.

metamarcisf April 14, 2011 at 3:25 pm

I wish I was getting some.

genxr April 14, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Try taking a walk in the park with a dead fetus. It's a great conversation starter!

GOPCrusher April 14, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Chicks dig a babby. If that doesn't work, get a dog.

genxr April 14, 2011 at 5:41 pm

I know when I take my dead dog for a drag, it never fails to attract attention.

Barbara_i April 14, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Here's his campaign slogan
"Rick Santorum-You can't defetus!"

genxr April 14, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Campaign song: Tie a yellow fetus round the old oak tree

crybabyboehner April 14, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Babar and Cletus, pachyderm and fetus, went for a walk one day.
Babar said, "Don't worry about your lame legs, I'll carry you all the way."
But Cletus the fetus grew irate and scowled at poor Babar.
"If I wanted to be carried around all the time, I would have just stayed in the jar!"

imissopus April 14, 2011 at 3:28 pm

"Villains!" I shrieked. "Dissemble no more! I admit the deed!–open the canning jar! here, here!–it is the hideous form of our miscarried fetus!"

Monsieur_Grumpe April 14, 2011 at 3:28 pm

I’ve heard that they are home schooling the little dickens and so far he’s the head of the class.

chicken_thief April 14, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Funny, I heard he stinks.

BornInATrailer April 14, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Be nice. While he seems to have trouble handing in work on time, his attendance record is perfect.

smokefilledroommate April 14, 2011 at 3:30 pm

"…there is a passage in the Bible that states it is a sin to kiss a fetus, so it's become kind of a tradition in this household that we all give Gabe a lick before going to bed. C'mon kids–time for bed! Did you lick your brother yet? Say goodnight!"

Neoyorquino April 14, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Wow. That really puts the F in WTF. Were Mrs. Neoyorquino and me just callous when we responded to our miscarriages by mutual grief and consolation, and then being grateful for our existing spawn?

neiltheblaze April 14, 2011 at 3:33 pm

This makes the "fetus-in-the-jar" thing at the Bush house seem almost tasteful.

jus_wonderin April 14, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Oh my, my ICK meter shot off the scales. Dude, anyone every introduce you to the concept of "too much information"?

EdFlintstone April 14, 2011 at 3:34 pm

It's not that often that a hospital mortuary has to ask "is that for here or to go"?

natoslug April 14, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Do you want fries with that?

BornInATrailer April 14, 2011 at 3:55 pm

"Do you want flies with that?"

Fixed.

emmelemm April 14, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Ah, man, you guys are BRINGING IT today.

("it" = THE FUNNY)

Chet Kincaid April 14, 2011 at 6:20 pm

We are definitely getting some!

GOPCrusher April 14, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Q: What did the one gay mortician say to the other gay mortician?
A: After work, you want to go in the back and suck down a couple of cold ones?

Negropolis April 15, 2011 at 2:33 am

You guys fucking disgust…and I love you all for that.

Trannysurprise April 14, 2011 at 3:35 pm

One look at this family is what has fetus's signing DNR's all over the country.

backbaconzgood April 14, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Being from PA I can answer your question:

Yes, he is insane.

johnnymeatworth April 14, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Oh sweet jesus please let TMZ get the photos….

GOPCrusher April 14, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Kim Kardashian's new boyfriend-Gabriel Santorum!

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum April 14, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Just keep kissin' that fetus, Rick.

fuflans April 14, 2011 at 3:40 pm

you know i knew when i read this post the comments were going to be pretty, ummmm, creative.

the wonkettes do not disappoint.

johnnymeatworth April 14, 2011 at 3:41 pm

"Rick and Karen were appalled to see him described — 'a 20-week-old fetus' — on a hospital form. They changed the form to read '20-week-old baby.'"

AND NOW LITTLE GABRIEL MICHAEL CAN NEVER RUN FOR PRESIDENT! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, YOU SICK FUCK? YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE HAD HIM IN GODDAMN KENYA!

natoslug April 14, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Better Kenya than Stir-fry . . .

Gnatsum April 14, 2011 at 3:43 pm

That's it. That does it. I just want to know what Wonkette plans to do about the life I'm going to live now with the image seared into my brain of the people in that photograph passing a dead fetus around and loving it up and kissing on it,

mourningnmerica April 14, 2011 at 5:17 pm

"Praise the Lord and pass the Fetus."

iburl April 14, 2011 at 3:43 pm

So if that's a 20 week old baby, that means that we are "Born" at the time of conception. Which means A LOT more of us were born on Halloween, New Years Eve, and St. Patricks day than we thought and also we are all 9 months older and the average lifespan has increased by 9 months. Thank you , Rich Sanitarium!

Bonzos_Bed_Time April 14, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Whoo-hoo, that much closer to retirement!!!

Ruhe April 14, 2011 at 3:57 pm

If you subscribe to the old Alchemist's "Homunculus" theory you could say that we were all "born" when God made Adams testicles out of some dust and a little Holy spit.

trumpbly_joe April 14, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Well, no, that's insemination, not fertilization/conception. I had a bio professor who was fond of saying (to paraphrase), "Sex is the thing that happens after the romantic candle-lit dinner. Fertilization happens four days later, by yourself, while you're doing the laundry."

genxr April 14, 2011 at 5:40 pm

So when my parents told me I was conceived in the laundry room during the spin cycle, I shouldn't have been quite so traumatized?

tessiee April 15, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Spin cycles are for when you *don't* have somebody to have sex with.

tessiee April 15, 2011 at 1:04 pm

So… does that mean that I'm actually a Capricorn?

DonnyKerabotsos April 14, 2011 at 3:50 pm

I guess that asking to see the birth certificate is out of the question.

emmelemm April 14, 2011 at 4:10 pm

With all the "Certificates of Live Birth" floating around, it's be interesting to see what a "Certificate of Dead Birth" looks like. Santorum undoubtedly has Gabriel's framed, above the fireplace.

poncho_pilot April 14, 2011 at 4:13 pm

too soon?

BarackMyWorld April 14, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Santorum is mentally ill.

That is all.

Weenus299 April 14, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Had the thing survived, it would have died from alcohol poisoning two weeks ago. The stress of being a Santorum is just so overwhelming …

3_Piece_Suet April 14, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Fetus Gabriel/Sarah Lou 2012!

randcoolcatdaddy April 14, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Now, now … I'm not going to poke fun at a family experiencing the loss of a possible child as they deal with their grief through superstition and gruesome customs that would make any sane anthropologist blanch and vomit a bit in their mouth….

BornInATrailer April 14, 2011 at 4:15 pm

I am.

So they were singing songs… like what… like this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imWnuirIL8o

poncho_pilot April 14, 2011 at 4:13 pm

i'll send an s.o.s. to the world
i hope that someone gets my
fetus in a bottle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLFF2P8fInI

poncho_pilot April 14, 2011 at 4:21 pm

who has no arms and no legs and lives in a jar?
Kim Chi.

carlgt1 April 14, 2011 at 4:25 pm

given the amount of miscarriages & poor conditions for many babies — when will reich-wingers denounce God & Jesus as being the baby-killers they obviously are?

grigoritheocto April 14, 2011 at 4:46 pm

My sister delivered a baby prematurely at 22 weeks and it lived for one hour on its own before dying. The hospital issued a birth certificate and a social security number. My sister and her husband were even entitled to claim the baby on their taxes as a dependant.
It might be especially hard for many of us to sympathize with Santorum in this case given his penchant for being a complete asshole and hating gay people and pretty much anyone who doesn't think that Jesus Christ and his bipolar "father" aren't a couple of oppressive thugs. But, his fetus/baby did live for two hours on its own outside of the mother, which does entitle him (or at least the fetus/baby) to a modicum or respect.
I guess what I'm saying here is that as much as I support keeping abortions legal, and as much as I understand how intimately tied the issue of abortion is to women's rights issues, stories like my sister's (and, sadly, Santorum's) really challenge some of the underlying ideas we have about human life. It's just too bad that assclowns like Santorum make it completely impossible to have a logical debate about it.

glamourdammerung April 14, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Most normal people that lose children do not take the dead child to a taxidermist and carrying them around like a stuffed toy.

I am truly baffled that people are giving a guy a pass on something that sounds like a pastime of Ed Gein's.

grigoritheocto April 14, 2011 at 6:20 pm

I am by no means "giving this guy a pass." If anything, as cheese ball as this sounds and as much as it makes my anus clench to say this, I'm saying that we should respect the fact that a baby that was born subsequently died because it was born way too early to be a viable human. If a fetus lives outside of its host, it's a person plain and simple. I'm not trying to say that abortion after the 20th ro 22nd week is wrong. I'm just saying that this issue is so much more complicated than almost anyone is willing to admit. And I'm saying that it's the fault of people like Santorum, who demonize abortion whenever humanly possible, that we can't have a logical and intelligent debate about something that people really don't need to be so fucking uptight about.

And I don't remember anything about taxidermy. I mean, what his family did is actually not that odd, aside from the reading of Bible verses, and the fetishization of a dead body….fuck, nevermind.

BlueMonkeh April 14, 2011 at 6:55 pm

It's the whole making it into just another political prop that does it for me. It all seems very insincere – a tragedy they succeeded in turning into a very sick comedy

It's not my or anyone's business what this nut and his equally nutty wife did to deal. (Write all the letters you want to your dead baby – I don't want to know.) And it's not his or anyone's business what anyone else does in their own personal life.

pinkocommi April 14, 2011 at 6:50 pm

First, I am sorry for what your sister and her husband and you have gone through.

Second, I take it your sister has not widely publicized her tragedy by parading the most macabre and private details of it for political points. She should get on that.

grigoritheocto April 14, 2011 at 6:58 pm

I know, right. The only problem is that she doesn't have the mantle of "insane non-personality that occasionally says horrible things about various groups of people to appease fellow religious fanatics and gain in the polls." Had she but that small thing, if people only knew her as the trumpeter for unborn fetuses, indeed the millions of dead babies that caused our current economic crisis by not being born would finally have a voice.

WinterOuthouse April 14, 2011 at 4:52 pm

So this dead baby goes into a bar. . .

WinterOuthouse April 14, 2011 at 4:56 pm

I think Santorum's natural political talent is showing. The deft at which he has secured the dead fetus vote is noteworthy. If Obama was on it, he would have had the dead baby vote locked down especially dead black babies. As we all know for tasteless billboards blacks are into abortion more than whites.

Santorum it's not just on your ass anymore. . .

Sassomatic April 14, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Every month when I have my period I put it in a christening gown and take it across the street to the Catholic church to have it baptized. Then I take it to Wal-Mart and have portraits made.

Radio_Level_7 April 14, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Every sloughed endometrium is sacred.

ThundercatHo April 14, 2011 at 4:57 pm

This is a prime example of why Wonkette is my favorite place to be.

GOPCrusher April 14, 2011 at 4:58 pm

I really applaud Rick Santorum's effort to raise the Crazy Bar to unreachable heights. I can only imagine that the next person up to announce their candidacy will have to carry around a Kleenex stiff with ejaculate, crying about how the Devil made them masturbate and thus abort millions of possible humans.

GOPCrusher April 14, 2011 at 5:09 pm

I was thinking more along the lines of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"

ThundercatHo April 14, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Fucking seriously? Why is it that the people most against abortion rights are the ones most sorely in need of them.

bolognawallet April 14, 2011 at 5:19 pm

BFD. I miscarry Santorum all the time. And I don't go around crying and kissing it. You just flush it.

mourningnmerica April 14, 2011 at 5:20 pm

You can use the letters in Santorum to spell MORANS. Honest. Try it.

BTWBFDIMHO April 14, 2011 at 11:09 pm

What about Mortanus?

LettucePrey April 14, 2011 at 5:24 pm

"If Rick Santorum has admitted this atrocity, I can't imagine the things that have occurred behind closet doors."

*fixed*

bagofmice April 15, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Who needs to imagine? It's right there in his name…

He Ricked the Santorum, people…

MommysFetusJar April 14, 2011 at 5:27 pm

I'm telling you….. the Fetus Jar Industry is a vast universe of endless possibilities. Wonkette Fetus Jars for all!

DahBoner April 14, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Just call me Dead Fetus of the morning, FETUS
just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby. I see no need to take me home, I'm old enough to face the dawn…

__kth__ April 14, 2011 at 5:54 pm

In the picture, little Santora is weeping because it was supposed to be her turn to hold the dead baby.

orygoon April 14, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Mrs. S. got a pregnancy complication is what happened. The baby was going to be messed up (fatally) whatever, but she might have died too, and the doctors advised a D&C. But the Santorums couldn't agree to that. They did let Mommy get a lot of antibiotics and stuff, and she survived, but they couldn't go with the medically-advised abortion, even though it put Mommy at somewhat more risk. Read about it in the awesome book about abortion by Cynthia Gorney, "Articles of Faith".

NewtsChicknNeck April 18, 2011 at 11:54 am

so daddy Rick realizes that if his chattel-wife had a safe legal late-term partial birth abortion performed by a real live doctor then that miscarried fetus would have been no more dead than it was when his chattel-wife passed it, right? oh, wait. maybe the exact opposite.

Guppy06 April 14, 2011 at 6:03 pm

“I like this fetus more than your other spawn, so I’m going to show it mercy by killing it before it has to be raised by you,”

Which is worse, being born into Clan Santorum, or Catholic Purgatory for the unbaptized?

[redacted]hse April 14, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Did they feed it re-heated cranberries?

Chet Kincaid April 14, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Ha, amateurs at grieving! He should have given the little corpse to each of his kids individually for 24 hours to parade around school, playdates and mall trips, like the Stanley Cup.

DemmeFatale April 14, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Is it wrong that this post, (especially this part), made me laugh?
Does it help that I threw up a little in my mouth?

bflrtsplk April 14, 2011 at 6:44 pm

These people are insane.

Clancy_Pants April 14, 2011 at 6:55 pm

I'm seriously concerned that you are absolutely right. If only that photo came with Odorama? Might explain her expression.

AJW@[redacted] April 14, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Gabe and Jarbara, sitting in a tree…

Walkinwiddaking April 14, 2011 at 7:49 pm

"Santorum’s wife wrote and published a book of letters to the fetus."

Judging from the photo I don't think that turned out to be such a great idea. Granted, this is from the night he lost his reelection bid but, seriously, look at those faces. Some serious bad ass juju going on there.

Nothingisamiss April 14, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Oh my GO….that is so tasteless I want to give you 100 pees.

DashboardTrombone April 14, 2011 at 8:38 pm

This is just beyond creepy.

grigoritheocto April 14, 2011 at 8:45 pm

That's what makes it even harder. There are totally justified partial birth abortions, or late term abortions, and there are totally fucking worthless human beings who simply don't want to have a baby. Again (I feel that I need to say this because I know how touchy this whole things is) I'm not against abortion in general by any means, but fucking=babies. If you are an educated adult (and let's not kid ourselves, many people that have abortions are educated, although I recognize that there is an uneducated minority contingent in this as well) and you have sex with another adult of the opposite sex and don't use contraception, you could get pregnant. This is an evolutionary, natural fact. I guess society just has yet to find the balance between "we need to make sure that all members of society are cared for so that they don't feel the need to get an abortion and it should remain a valid medical procedure in case of emergency" and "holy shit, I shouldn't have fucked that person/I shouldn't have gotten that person pregnant, let's just have an abortion." Neither of my children were planned, both are a huge pain in the ass most of the time, and I couldn't be happier.

Sorry. This last post was thought salad and doesn't make much sense. I'm three beers deep.

102415 April 15, 2011 at 10:02 am

I got pregnant twice and I used contraception (diaphragm) let's just say *religiously*. When I did want a child it hilariously took a year to make it happen. Let it go, people fuck. You can make all kinds of living things out of a hunk flesh these days.

SorosBot April 15, 2011 at 10:27 am

This is late, but fuck you for "there are totally fucking worthless human beings who simply don't want to have a baby". There is absolutely nothing wrong with having an abortion because you don't want to have a baby. It's people like you, who take the "abortion should be legal, but it's still wrong" position that enable the anti-choice movement to pile on restrictions that make abortions almost impossible to obtain while still technically being legal. Not to mention that it helps create the atmosphere that causes a lot of women that get abortions to get big psychological issues over it as a result. No; women can get abortions for any reason they want to, and there is nothing wrong with that

In short, go fuck yourself.

grigoritheocto April 15, 2011 at 11:58 am

I think what you mean is, "In my opinion there is absolutely nothing wrong with having an abortion because you don't want to have a baby." Kind of like how I was expressing my opinion about the matter. And I don't really see how I'm enabling the anti-choice movement in any way. I don't approve of any legislation that restricts abortion. I think I stated that several times.

That being said, I think it's incredibly selfish for someone who has the money and familial safety net to terminate a pregnancy simply because the "don't want to have a baby." Let me give you an example. I was very good friends with a girl at university that had at least 5 abortions that I knew of. She refused to ask her partners to use condoms because she said "It doesn't feel as good," and she refused to go on birth control or use any other kind of contraception. When I asked her why she didn't want to use other methods of contraception, she said she "just didn't want to." She had frequent one-night stands with numerous members of the opposite sex, and her family was incredibly loaded. I find what she did to be morally and ethically abhorrent. She refused to take responsibility for her actions, plain and simple.

There are many women out there that have the deck stacked against them and feel that they have no other choice but to have an abortion because of the shame they would feel from their churches, their families, and their friends. They don't have money and they don't have resources. I would never pass judgement upon these women.

I'm an atheist. I don't believe that life begins at conception, and I don't believe that fetuses are the most valuable commodity in the world. But I do believe that there are many women out there that use abortion as a form of birth control. In my opinion, this is unethical and immoral. I think that those types of people are the same types of people who view their lives as lives of entitlement without considering that there are people that struggle with the decision to terminate a pregnancy on a very visceral level.

But I guess your right. I should go fuck myself for having my own opinion about something. Thanks for clearing that up.

problemwithcaring May 10, 2011 at 1:11 pm

fwiw, I appreciate your willinginess to share your opinion. However, I think the point others are making here is that, it's just your opinion. Their opinion is that you should go fuck yourself with your opinion.

Your earnest comments on a satire site, I can forgive, but to think anyone else should value your opinion more than their own about what is and isn't "selfish," is sorta ridiculous.

schvitzatura April 14, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Well, I should have wiggled my fingers, trilled my r's and said frrrrreeeak!

LetUsBray April 14, 2011 at 9:56 pm

I don't know if Sarah P. has kissed the fetus yet, but she does appear to be puckering up…

One_Man_Band April 14, 2011 at 10:07 pm

This pretty much sums it up:
http://youtu.be/d-C1tpJRhFE

user-of-owls April 14, 2011 at 11:29 pm

Here’s something we forgot about: Santorum has his very own fetus story, but unlike Barbara Bush, when his wife miscarried in 1996, they didn’t stick the thing in a jar and put it on display.
http://wonkette.com/429674/young-george-w-bush-tr

Oh heady days for owls, wherein 333 p's were launched that day. Good times, good times.

Negropolis April 15, 2011 at 2:09 am

On a serious note, while I can't even begin to imagine the grief of a miscarriage, his humanity can not be seperated from the fact that he's generally a very terrible human being to other people and their children. It's why I don't much get the point of these personal stories the media loves to print. If anything, they make these figures look worse.

Negropolis April 15, 2011 at 2:17 am

I am so going to hell for laughing at that.

ttommyunger April 15, 2011 at 10:41 am

Penis goes in, fetus come out, never a miscommunication…Who can explain it?

tessiee April 15, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Now I'm picturing puppet shows, with the kids supplying a squeaky voice for the Cletus the Fetus puppet.

tessiee April 15, 2011 at 12:52 pm

By golly, he sure stood up to those terraists!

ttommyunger April 15, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Youbetcha, just like that Krauthammer guy!

tessiee April 15, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Just curious… Are the Santorum grandparents on both sides pretty healthy?

CookiE_MonstA April 15, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Our family lost a baby, my mom still is not quite over it. Babies are not supposed to die. Who can say what they might do when confronted with that grief. I know this site is not known for sympathy but, this isn't funny.

mourningnmerica April 15, 2011 at 6:36 pm

None of this shit is funny. Santorum pimping for food being taken out of poor children's mouths to give more tax breaks to the richest people on earth is not funny. But his slimyness and and hatefulness and sickness is fair game. If he wants to use his baby's death for political gain, then the smart asses on this site will make fun of him. This is not the sympathy site. As a group Wonketeers are pretty pissed off. You see it in their responses to human feces like Santorum.

nanooknw April 15, 2011 at 3:07 pm

I feel sorry for this man. He is unbalanced to say the least.

Schmegeg April 15, 2011 at 6:06 pm

I bet Gabe does not have a birth certificate, so he obviously was miscarried in Kenya.

croney1 April 17, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Sweet Jesus – is that an actual photo of the actual Santorum family? The boy looks like a first cousin to the Pugsley Addams but …less witty. What's going on with the young lady in the background – it looks like someone got caught picking her nose! Perhaps it is understandable why a 20 week old fetus had more charisma and charm than the ones that were raised by their grandmother in the attic. Get it? Flowers in the Attic the creepy story by VC Andrews?

Rhymes With Right January 7, 2012 at 11:26 am

I had never realized how many scummy people there were in the world until I read these comments. The overwhelming majority of you should be ashamed of yourselves — would you be proud to show these comments to your parents or your children? Would you be proud to have them published on the front page of your local newspaper? You are mocking how a family dealt with the death of a child — and their following what is a professionally recommended method for doing so — http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancyloss/sb… — as a means of dealing with that loss.

Interestingly enough, I suspect every one of you is "pro-choice" on abortion — maybe you should ask yourself if your support for the choice to kill a child in the womb has led you to a heightened callousness towards those who lose a chosen and wanted child.

HelloBirdy January 8, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I can barely believe some of what is being said on this site. it is sub human. Have you no decency, or should I bother asking?

You want to take over America and the rest of the western world. You want to run all aspect of our lives, our workplace, our children. You want to impose your diseased values on the rest of us …. not going to happen.

I must tell you that you won't get what you want by behaving like a pack of chimps. Most of us on the right will happily shoot you when the time comes for that …. when all the talking is done. I think that will be coming along soon enough … probably shortly after the November elections, depending on who wins.

Most of us know that it is not possible to reason with chimps like yourselves, so many of you will go down in the coming war. A major cull of the left is in good order at this time in our sorry history.

Just wanted to get that off my chest. Meanwhile, as you continue to suffer that the world isn't what you want it to be, the rest of us will continue living our lives and caring for our families, working hard, paying our own way through life. You will find that you shouldn't have fucked with that. You have crossed the line once too many.

prommie April 14, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Ah, "feets don't fail me now," the words traditionally spoken by bug-eyed negroes after they have seen a "sperrit" or a "spook" in a Three Stooges short. You have transported me back to my childhood! Soon, by the way, it will be "quittin time" here. Take care of those sweater puppies, you.

Limeylizzie April 14, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Have a lovely evening, Prommie.

doloras April 14, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Trufax. As James Joyce put it, Catholicism is at least a LOGICAL absurdity. Teams of monks and theologians spent 1500 years trying (with limited success) to make Christianity make logical sense, then the Protestants came along and decided that wasn't necessary after all.

Lascauxcaveman April 14, 2011 at 6:48 pm

That's pretty fair summation. I know a lot of educated Catholics (used to be one of them) who jump through hoops and bend over sideways in attempts to line up their faith with the real world.

From personal experience, it's not very satisfying when you finally come to the logical dead end and your smartest Catholic friend or clergyman says "Well, you just gotta have Faith."

OneDollarJuana April 14, 2011 at 8:27 pm

Don't forget the blood-drinking.

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