Newsmax Says Trump Will Announce On His TeeVee Show He Will Announce

  rat king

If you wonder whether Donald Trump is serious about running for president, tune in to the finale of “The Celebrity Apprentice” on May 15.

Trump plans to say on the NBC show that he will be holding a press conference a few days after the May 15th show. At that press conference in the Trump Tower in New York, Trump will be announcing his candidacy for the presidency.

This once-respectable news organization now employs Judy Miller, though, so take it with a grain of salt. But it’s still possible to not be serious about running for president even after you’ve signed the papers to run for president, so why wouldn’t he do this? [Newsmax]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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55 comments

  1. OkieDokieDog

    Guess I'll miss out on all this pseudo excitement since I don't watch reality teevee and I damn sure wouldn't watch that arrogant dickwad's stupid self-promoting crap show.

    1. JustPixelz

      I hope he's running. The Repubican party deserves a chance to nominate him. But Trumpette will not be on the ballot in Arizona, because his fake birth certificate doesn't have witness signatures AS REQUIRED BY ARIZONA LAW.

      1. Gopherit

        Also, the Arizona law implies that both parents have to be American citizens. Sucks to be Trump.

    1. ThundercatHo

      If Meatloaf gets that pissed when someone steals his glitter glue or whatever just imagine the shit storm when Katie Couric asks him if he can read.

  2. ttommyunger

    To the tune of "Stormy Weather": Don't know why, I've got slobber on my fly, Judith Miller…..

  3. Hatrabbit

    Can't wait till he runs for President and has to disclose his financial details and we can see:

    a) what a smoke and mirrors show his supposed personal fortune is, or

    b) how rich he really is and how much in back-taxes he'll have to pony up next year.

    HaHaHA Just kidding, never gonna happen.

  4. Barbara_i

    In 2004, Trump Hotels was forced to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. About that bankruptcy he said, “I don't think it's a failure, it's a success.

    If that is his criteria for "success" then yes, Donald Trump is quite successful having been in and out of bankruptcy court repeatedly since 1990.

    I wonder if the dozens of investors that he left high and dry in the Baja, Mexico resort deal will be voting for him?

    1. proudgrampa

      Well, if he presided over a bankruptcy before, maybe he's the one to get the US out of debt. Experience counts!

      And then when all hell breaks loose, and the Chinese take over all our assets, he can claim "success!"

      1. OkieDokieDog

        Let's just unfurl the MISSION ACCOMPLISHED banner* now

        *(made in China & purchased at Walmart)

  5. DaRooster

    "Trump plans to say something about some time he will mention that he is going to announce his thoughts about doing some… uh… thing.

    Who gives a shit? Shut up Trump you fucking hamster head mother fucker.

    1. proudgrampa

      "Shut up Trump you fucking hamster head mother fucker. "

      Oh, come on. Tell us how you REALLY feel.

    1. 4tehlulz_lite

      What if NewsMax hires the BatBoy? They hired Judith Miller so it's obviously not out of the realm of possibility.

  6. proudgrampa

    I thought we got the definitive answer on that when we elected a senile old actor for president.

  7. harry_palmer

    How statesmanlike. I think Abe Lincoln announced his candidacy on his reality show, Survivor: Ford's Theater.

  8. nounverb911

    "Trump plans to say on the NBC show that he will be holding a press conference a few days after the May 15th show. "
    Doesn't all this depend on whether NBC renews him or not?

  9. Chillwaver

    I'm starting to think that the dead wombat on his head is actually an alien creature that is trying to take over the world.

      1. OkieDokieDog

        The wombat was born in Australia to an American mother & a Kenyan father, so…
        wait! he's a White wombat so YES, he's an American wombat for sure.

  10. neiltheblaze

    He's not going to run. I don't buy it for a second. Somebody else pointed out that he'll never agree to the financial disclosure requirements because he doesn't want anyone to know how much of other people's money he uses to pretend to be a billionaire.

    1. SorosBot

      The other thing his, NBC wouldn't air he his reality show while he's running, beause it would invoke equal time requirements; however, given how the ratings have been tanking maybe he sees the cancellation writing on the wall and actually will run.

  11. EatsBabyDingos

    He should announce on May 19. May 20 is the day Space Jeebus is scheduled to finally have enough of us, and I figure the Trump announcement is likely the 7th Seal of the Apocolypse.

  12. mavenmaven

    The sad part is that Taitz has more foreign policy experience than the entire herd of Repub candidates (she speaks several languages and has had more affairs with foreigners).

  13. CalamityJames

    "Quick, turn on the talky-box! That rich feller with the orange beaver pelt on his head is gone tell us when he'll be racist on the talky-box again!"

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      Can't. Quit a year ago, and weed ain't legal yet.

      but thank you for the thought. I'd smoke one YEA——————————————————————————LONG if I could right now.

  14. OkieDokieDog

    It seems that downfister aka tiny phallus or spank my weenie or whatever his/her/its name is currently, is a big fan of The Donald, because he/she/it is fappin' away at the comments.

  15. wokeupliberal

    If there was any doubt at all that we are a society in decline, let this be the moment that doubt has disappeared.

  16. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Perhaps he will announce that he is sending a team of investigators to Hawaii to find his integrity?

  17. OzoneTom

    Okay, I'm buying a round of up-fists for everyone here.

    Just because it pisses-off hung-like-a-cricket and not because I actually like any of you.

  18. Jerri

    Oh yes, surely a hyped-up-for-weeks announcement on his dumb TV show during May sweeps proves he is serious about running for office.

Comments are closed.