- The Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations said on Wednesday that Goldman Sachs “misled investors selling mortgage-backed investments it knew would fail” and that executives from the bank had also “misled Congress in a testimony given in 2010.” And now all the thieving, lying bankers who ruined America will be sent to Bagram Fun Palace. Just kidding! The New York Times has a million-word story explaining how federal investigators tried so hard to find a way to prosecute Goldman Sachs and all the other banks, but just couldn’t! (Seriously!) According to the NYT Business Section, trying to figure out why all these white rich guys who control our government weren’t convicted of financial malfeasance is “the equivalent of determining why a dog did not bark — is anything but simple.” Ha-ha. Okay? Here is a news article about a 25-year-old mother of four who was sentenced to ten years in prison for selling $31 of weed. Why was she sent to prison? Because she stole billions of dollars and lied about it to the United States Senate. (She wasn’t friends with Henry Paulson, though!) Embarrassing. [NYT]
- Using fancy algorithms, nerds have been able to “teach” the iPhone how to recognize “the Eiffel Tower, the Mona Lisa” and even Angry Birds. Google wants to expand this “computer vision” technology, so that machines can one day identify everything, especially humans trapped in a space pod. This is a terrible idea. [CNN]
- Congress honored the surviving gangsters and Cuban exiles who participated in the illegal and thankfully disastrous Bay of Pigs invasion with a “resolution put into the Senate record and remarks from the floor of the House of Representatives.” Hooray. Inciting War merit badges for everybody! (And maybe even a few “Thanks for Killing JFK” medallions.) [McClatchy]
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