Arizona Senate Passes Birther Bill To Disqualify Obama From Ballot

In order to disqualify President Obama from the ballot next year, Arizona's state senate has passed   that bill requiring all candidates running for president to present the state a very detailed, official birth certificate proving they came out of a birth canal whilst inside the borders of the United States of America. Finally . All it needs now is Chiefess of the Caucasians Jan Brewer's signature. "A CERTIFIED COPY OF THE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE'S LONG FORM BIRTH CERTIFICATE THAT INCLUDES AT LEAST THE DATE AND PLACE OF BIRTH, THE NAMES OF THE CANDIDATE'S MOTHER AND FATHER, INCLUDING INFORMATION SUFFICIENT TO DETERMINE THE CITIZENSHIP OF BOTH PARENTS, THE NAMES OF THE HOSPITAL AND THE ATTENDING PHYSICIAN, IF APPLICABLE, AND SIGNATURES OF ANY WITNESSES IN ATTENDANCE," the delicate legislation reads. Good luck rounding up those now-deceased people who witnessed your birth, Obama. You presumably do not count as a witness to your own birth, but you're still going to be held accountable for where you so Kenyan-ly decided to pop out of your mom.

That's for every candidate, so only Donald Trump can qualify for the ballot as of right now. This has been written so that Barack Obama's certificate of live birth, which does not include the name of the hospital and attending physician, does not count.

Mitt Romney better not having any of that MORMON FUNNY BUSINESS on his birf certifi-cat, or the presidency will automatically go to Trump or, if he declines, whatever other reality teevee character is next in line in the Reality Teevee Order of Succession. [ Weigel ]