Staring abyss Michele Bachmann appeared before Iowa social conservative group FAMiLY Leader, whose leader apparently once said, “If we’re teaching the kids, ‘don’t smoke, because that’s a risky health style,’ the same can be true of the homosexual lifestyle. That’s why I think we need to speak the truth once in a while.” So Think Progress, being Think Progress, asked her if she thought this too. She didn’t have an answer, probably because her brain rotted itself fighting off the gay disease she caught from a door handle some gays had sex with.
What a coward! She knows being gay is a health problem. Just say it! It’s almost like she wants to be president. Why is she suddenly admitting she’s ignorant of something?
Everybody knows conservatives should care about ensuring public health. When it comes to using that as an excuse to hate a group of people, that is.
FACT CHECK!
Mortality rate for humans since gays started being gay: 100%
TRUE: Gays are the death of all people. A health crisis to say the least. [Think Progress]
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I wish she would hurry up and decide! I have to take my gay cousin to the doctor today and I do not want unhealthy juice to get on me.
That ghey juice can be tough to get out. Try some Wisk or Clorox.
That's not going to work on suede. Lenny Bruce found the same thing about snot; the only solution was to snot all over the whole thing. Same deal with the ghey juice.
This is good advice, I'll cover my self in a painter's tarp, belted to look fashionable.
the only solution was to snot all over the whole thing.
Say, could you…?
No. We don't do that kinda work here.
Excellent safety tip.
Eh, just let it dry and chip it off later.
But it already smells like Clorox.
Wear gloves, hang a big sign around your cousin's neck, and walk 5 paces behind him.
This. Is. The. Best. Advice. Ever.
Unless you are from Alabama, should not be a problem. As you may know, cousins are waaaay fuckable way down south in Alabam.
Jesus H Christ Tommy! You married your sister. What's wrong wich chu?
We were just going steady, In never married her!
Yes. That helps it be much more acceptable. Do your kids have no teeth and two heads?
Don't smoke cigarettes, dope, or cock.
This means I can still puff opium the next time I'm at the karaoke dungeon in Chinatown, Constanta, Romania. Good.
Doing all three at once would be *extra* bad.
And let's not forget the dangers from second-hand pole-smoking! We're all victims of this public (pubic?) nuisance.
Sorry, wasn't paying attention. What was that last thing I shouldn't do?
You leave the gay mecca of the Midwest alone! All your door handles are belong to us.
Is that Minneapolis? Or is it Lincoln, NE?
There is one of those gays in my office who sneezes openly. Cover your mouth, gay! The Normals might inhale the gay molecules flying through the air and turn into gay! I wish someone had asked Bachmann if Purell was helpful for this scourge.
from what i hear gays don't like purely concentrated bleach…try spraying that in the office. Those that end up getting sick are the ones that are gay.
Or use a dunking stool; works every time.
Well dodged, Michele. Let's just swear her in now.
She is a friggin' GENIUS!
( Sorry, I meant genuine-ass)
Can I just swear AT her instead?
So smoking equals being gay. Now I'm going to be even more confused whenever a British persons asks to bum a fag.
& bum means butt, over there.
My doctor asked me if I smoked after sex. I told him I didn't know…never looked.
"bum a fag" = OK, just asking for a smoke.
"fag a bum"= not that there's anything wrong with that…
How is being gay a public health crisis, when they are immune to the most common sexually transmitted disease, pregnancy?
Conservatives should be all for it… no 'bortions.
(I know, secretly they are all for it)
David Crosby begs to differ.
I really think she is a pig fuckin' bitch. But who am I to argue a pandemic of this magnitude?
Swing and a miss!!!!! Coward.
(I can't believe there's a low point of crazy that even Sheley won't stoop to spout.)
I like that FAMiLY LEADER uses the same font as REEL BiG FiSH: ALL-CAPS, save the letter i.
Pick it up, pick it up — unless it's gay, or aborted.
You know what else is all cap with one small eye?
HA!
Everybody's catchin' the ghey! Yeeeeaah yeah yeah.
Everybody's catchin' the ghey! Yeeeeaah yeah yeah.
That's OK. We know that Michelle and her teabagger coquetterie is a public health crisis, and that's all that really matters.
I so want to see her in a debate.. Even the other Republicans will make mincemeat out of her (and Sarah). Seven Dwarfs, indeed.
If Gay is a Disease then whats the Cure?
A hot beef injection.
An alt-rock band that was really popular in the 80s and 90s
An 80's band?
Marrying Michele Bachmann? Wait that's actually just a placebo.
Just hold one between your teeth 'till the swelling goes down. Won't cure anything, but it will take your mind off it.
the Bible, beatings, and bounteous berating
Living 12 years w/ my ex-boyfriend, apparently.
More cowbell?
a debate between barack o'bama and michele bachmann would be pretty cool.
I don't know, man. Would Barry wipe the floor with her or would he be so gob-smacked with her stupid that his brain would just lock up with a bad case of WTF?
He'd have to be rebooted. Contrl, alt, delete
I imagine a struggle to not laugh at everything she says.
I'm thinking it would be a lot like when Biden was preparing for his debate with Palin, and he had to practice not looking at her like she was a complete and total moron.
"Do you mind if I call you Barry? 'Cause I have a bunch of one-liners prepared that rely on that usage".
Say it ain't scary, Barry?
Sometime during the debate the word "colored" would slip out.
I fear he'd just find so much damn common ground so as not to be seen as insulting her, he'd end up looking twice as stupid as her.
If you were thinking that America still had bright future ahead of it, consider this: of all the people commentingon public policy today, who is getting the greatest amount of media attention?
Michele Bachmann and Donald Trump.
Case closed.
This why we need to create two countries- the one with the bright future- and the south, Texas, and Iowa.
They've already gotten to her husband….
Can you blame him?
You know what else is a risky health style? Being an educated American in the 21st century who actually gives a shit.
yeah, we stress a lot over the general stupidity of a lot of the rest of the people in this country
Risky or vanishing?
Especially with the increasing number of people that are publically expressing their Second Amendment Rights.
News flash, 'chele. Sex with ANYONE can be unhealthy. Me? I always ask (and offer) a Sex Resume before getting laid. Plus, I stay away from Craig's List. I'm happy to say that I have NEVER caught a disease since using this method.
I find that my best defense against STDs is my personality.
No, no, Straightness (TM) releases all-natural Jesus Particles (TM) that disinfect and clean the hoo-has of all who are Free From Sin (TM). If they get infected, obviously it's because God (TM) doesn't Love (TM) them.
(All trademarks are the property of the American Christian Church Corporation. All rights reserved.)
I've got a tip, Michele: let's get rid of these obesity programs that are trying to indoctrinate kids into the "healthy" lifestyle, whatever that's supposed to mean. Once teh gays get all fat, they won't be attractive to each other, and our fat kids won't be attractive either. Problem solved!
She's a pander bear; she probably knew the dude wasn't from some crazy right wing organization. If Brian Fischer or Franklin Graham had asked her that, she'd have pulled a full Santorum.
The fact that Michelle is out freely walking around among us is an indication that we have a mental health crisis in this country.
I blame Reagan.
Something is very wrong here. She's actually looking at the camera.
They hid the camera being a big fat campaign donation check.
Judging by her squint, it's causing her serious pain, though.
Any word on whether Michele Bachmann's continued presence in the public eye represents a stupidity crisis?
I forget is it Feed a gay, starve a fever? or the other way around? We need answers Michele!
Feed a gay OR you'll starve a beaver. Or summat along those lines.
I guess it is: eat a Granola Gay, save a Japanese city.
If you've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell, is that partially gay?
She's lost touch with her inner Santorum.
I'm sure her hubby can supply all the santorum she will ever need.
Down fister is gay, therefore, down fister is a threat to our Nation's health. But so is denying millions access to affordable medical care, so that would make crazy Shelly gay.
Ta da!
And before your sons.
And on your sons.
And in your sons.
And won't she just freak the hell out when they all sit back and enjoy it?
To be fair, some of them might not be sitting so much. Nonetheless, it will be interesting to see whether all her sons are above average (wink, wink).
You can tell Rep. Bachmann is lying because her crazy eyes are looking straight into the camera.
You can tell she's lying because she's breathing.
Oh noes!!11! That tape Jack found might indicate that teh Michele is learning to follow her handlers and stay on message. Oh noes, whatever will we do???? Is our Wonkette doomed by this glimmer of restraint?
Naaaaaa. Bachmann is still batshit crazy, just wait till she gets the tireds from a Prez campaign run. Our gal will rise and take the bait.
Virgins cure AIDS, so they got that going for them.
Another fact: Being born means you have a 100% chance of dying…so is life now a health hazard? I think the CDC needs to weigh in on that!
Speak for yourself; I intend on living forever.
I'd watch that video suggestion of where Bachmann says she's "Hot" for God, but I don't want to be infected by the stoopid God gene via the intertubes. You can't wash it out with the bleaches and stuff.
*Edit because what I wrote didn't make sense. Oh noes! I think I dun got infected with the Bachmann stoopids!1!!
Next, we'll see late night infomercials from the uptight crazytards promoting some kind of anti-gay spray. Call it "Lie-sell." "Just a spray a day keeps the gay at bay."
They are already on AM Radio proclaiming that you just need to turn your life over to the Jeebus and pray the ghey away.
I think the Scientologists patented that.
"(R)AIDS – Kills fags dead!"
-Sebastian Bach T-shirt
Palin will probably read this and tweet about "gays being a pubic health crisis" She's not going to let Bachmann get all the crazy votes.
"Cause God made Adam and Steve not Adam and Eve on a raft" – Ken Ham
Is pretty sure Michelle Bachmann is a cardboard cutout printed-up at the Koch brothers' secret lair. Tape a micro-casette recorder/player an the back? BAM! Instant crazy person. BONUS: It comes with a glory hole.
C'mon Michelle! How you gonna get elected if you don't make with the crazy?
Just go to YouTube and search "Bachmann's husband" and you will find all you need to know about why this topic leaves her stumbling for words…seriously, if you haven't seen clips of the dude, you will be amazed. On the queer scale he is somewhere past the Gay Men's Health Center Chorus and Russ Douthat.
I think they have nineteen or twenty kids. All adopted or some such, methinks.
You misunderestimate Michelle. It has dawned on her that she is getting very close to diva status and, if she plays her cards right, could become the next gay icon. Naturally she is starting to hedge her bets – do you have any idea how much money gay icons can rake in?
She's living proof that people can't take their eyes of a train wreck. Unfortunately, her train is running straight toward America and due for impact. Interesting when you compare her rhetoric to clips of a 1940s propaganda film, which this video does: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXEKi4HS6GY
"I don't have an answer on that" Her handlers should make sure she carries her stupid answers manual to every interview.
I wonder if she gets rid of those pesky homos up home in Minnesota with Back-Fag. Now with Gay-Gon. From the makers of the Roach Ho-Motel.
Michelle Bachman is a Mental Health Crisis.
As in she causes my brain to lock up everytime she opens her mouth.
Ooooooh. Downfist troll is trolling. Upfists for all!!!!
Has Bachman-Turner Overdrive gotten a preliminary injunction against the Bachman campaign to prevent the unlicensed use of Takin' Care of Business?
Pro-Business Ideologue + Named Bachmann + Zero Imagination = IP violation waiting to happen.
Oh I'm sorry, Michele. I'm getting all my second-hand gayness on you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah….a gay guy walks into a room and everybody practically gets AIDS. Everyone knows that! Not everyone can aspire to be healthy with cigarettes and tanning beds, as in Boner's case; or Little Debbie™ snack cakes and deep fried twinkies, as in Huckabee's case.
Michelle Bachman's mental state's the only public health crisis I'm aware of.
So will gays now have warning stickers? And can I purchase a gay if I'm a minor? Will people be allowed to gay in bars and restaurants, or will they have to go outside to designated gaying areas? How will the FAA punish those who tamper with gay detectors in airplane lavatories?
You've opened quite a legal can of worms, Michele. You hateful cunt.
How do the gay detectors respond to male flight attendants?
Michelle Bachmann is a public mental health crisis.
She's clearly not ready for prime time: that non-answer's just going to piss off her mouth-breathing minions and make teh gayz bitchy too.
That gay lifestyle- yeah, I see my lesbian neighbor taking her son to the school bus stop with the other(presumably straight) moms every morning. Then she goes to her office. Her partner, the other mom, is home when their son returns from school. I have also seen them at the grocery store and walking their dog. How do you stop wildness like that???
i bet they pay their taxes, too! and vote!
seriously, though: i never thought i would see the '50s happen again in my lifetime. growing up in the '80s was bad enough with that sumbitch Reagan in the White House.
So did Dr. Marcus get all his gayness second-hand? Or is that just what she whimpers into her pillow at night?
Say it 'taint so!
Republicans are big on healthy lifestyles. That's why so many of them prefer to molest relatively disease-free children.
She has to be circumspect about this as her husband is known to frequent the Minneapolis Airport men's room for inspiration.
But the cure of a public health crisis demands public spending and health care plans! How?
Plan A: Tax The poors.
Plan B: Use the death panels agaynst he gays and blame Obama.
Thank God for Michele. When I despair about my elected representation here in Dumbfukistan I think about her and I don't feel so bad anymore…..or any less….
Michelle Bachman and Ann Coulter would make a great couple.
So would Michelle Bachmann and Michelle Malkin! They could be marketed as "M&M–They melt in your mouth, not in your hand!"
they also melt if you throw water on them.
You make the mistake of taking me seriously, Dash. And, sadly, almost everybody is younger than me, and thanks for the qualifying “little”.
"You make the mistake of taking me seriously…"
if i had a dime for every time i've told someone that…
Maybe I should be more serious, but it gives me the sads…..meh!
Also, kids: just say no to blackness.
Rather than a plague, I prefer to think of gayness as a tsunami. A big, powerful, whirling, irresistible vortex that hits us when we least expect it, carrying us, and everyone around us, away in a white, foamy, churning mass.
Just my opinion.
Why libruls should happy: Trump-Bachmann; Bachmann-Palin; Palin-Gingrich; Barbour-Romney. The Republican possibilities for losing the next presidential election are wonderful. They work so hard at it.
The Republican debates will be a televised poo flinging contest.
I may even watch. Always enjoy low-brow slapstick.
I'm totally stealing that. Fucking hilarious.
"She knows being gay is a health problem."
Ha, ha, You really expect a Retardican to promote/agree on anything to do with Health Care?
She probably hasn't washed her vagina in years becuse it implies some sort of Health Care.
The Council of Concerned Cancerous People?
Once gayness is cured, its important that the vaccine not be distributed socialisticly.
1. I don't stare at her; why the fuck does she keep staring back at me?
2. If imma reading the TPM blurb correctly, this Vander Plaats schmuck "once said" that shit about two weeks ago.
3. The best part of the TPM interview is that MinnitKunt actually said:
BACHMANN: Um. I — I don’t have an answer on that. I don’t have an answer. Why don’t I have another question.
Why not, indeed?
Bachmann in a presidential debate would be a treat.
or two teeth and no heads?
“Course; jest like everbody else!
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