THE SADDEST MAN ON EARTH  4:30 pm April 12, 2011

Lawsuit Forces Charlie Crist To Make Humiliating YouTube Apology Video

by Jack Stuef


If he hadn’t tried for the Senate, Charlie Crist might be running for president right now. Instead, as the result of that David Byrne lawsuit, he looks like he was kidnapped while out selling his wedding ring at a pawn shop and has been forced at gunpoint to read off a list of demands in a poorly lit basement. So, things always work out in the end.

Former Florida Gov. Charlie Crist has settled a lawsuit filed by Talking Heads singer David Byrne after Crist used one of the group’s songs without permission in a campaign ad last year, both parties confirmed Monday.

Terms of the settlement were not released, but it included a recorded apology by Crist that was posted on YouTube Monday afternoon. Byrne had sued Crist for $1 million for using the song “Road to Nowhere” in a YouTube video attacking Marco Rubio, one of the governor’s opponents in the U.S. Senate race.

We assumed Charlie Crist was dead. Nope. He just looks like his is. Or like he wants to be. Where is he? What did he do with his life? Why did he marry a woman? [Orlando Sentinel]

 
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{ 136 comments }

CliveWarren April 12, 2011 at 4:32 pm

David Byrne is so anti-Crist…

baconzgood April 12, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Settlement as it ever was, settlement as it ever was, settlement as it ever was.

FNMA April 12, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Charlie should have gone with the big suit.

WunkRocker April 13, 2011 at 4:18 pm

And done the song "Drugs."

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum April 12, 2011 at 4:35 pm

This video was only half of the settlement. Another video, in which Crist sucks on a door knob, was made for Byrne's private viewing pleasure and not publicly released.

jjdaddyo April 12, 2011 at 4:36 pm

It's OK, he's used to being humiliated by now.

jjdaddyo April 12, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Actually, if I was David Byrne, I might have made Charlie Crist sing Beck's "Loser", accompanied by Mike Huckabee on slide guitar. I'd buy that for a dollar.

emmelemm April 12, 2011 at 4:36 pm

And you may say to yourself, "My God! What have I done?"…

mourningnmerica April 12, 2011 at 7:40 pm

And you may ask yourself, "Why is it so dark in this closet?"

Doktor Zoom April 12, 2011 at 8:21 pm

David Byrne angrily returns a video rental: "This is not My Beautiful Laundrette!

baconzgood April 13, 2011 at 7:40 am

You could have gone with "My Beautiful Mind" but the Dr. got all film school. Niiiiice.

tessiee April 13, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Also, "My Beautiful Mind" was already rented out to Barbara Bush.

GuanoFaucet April 12, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Did he apologize for that tan?

mourningnmerica April 12, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Right now, John Boehner is jealous, yes so jealous, just like Christian Bale over the business cards in "American Psycho".

wondering where i am April 12, 2011 at 8:41 pm

His skin cells want to know.

Negropolis April 13, 2011 at 2:51 am

I'm sure he's tells himself so long as Snookie and the rest of the cast of the Jersey Shore don't apologize, neither will he. Also, Boehner. Also. Tambien.

trashbot April 12, 2011 at 4:37 pm

"….should there be any future campaigns for me" hahahahhhahahhha

Barbara_i April 12, 2011 at 4:37 pm

David Byrne is perfectly okay if Lindsey Graham uses his "Dance On Vaseline" lyrics.
K.Y.-not?

weejee April 12, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Crist was so talking in tongues.

fuflans April 12, 2011 at 4:38 pm

what is this 'sense of responsibility and admission of wrongdoing', hmmm?

this is not republican behavior we can believe in.

UpfistTroll April 12, 2011 at 4:39 pm

He's not sorry he did it. He's sorry he got caught.

Seems like pretty typical Republican behavior to me.

SorosBot April 12, 2011 at 5:00 pm

It's another one of Crist's displays of moderate reasonable that made him unelectable to the GOP base.

whiterabid April 12, 2011 at 6:29 pm

If he was a real Republican, he would have said something like, if we aint' talking about gun rights, we aint' talking about rights.

mourningnmerica April 12, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Newt is turning over in his grave.

WinterOuthouse April 12, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Needs more forced oral sexiness. Maybe a bit of santorum around the edges

baconzgood April 12, 2011 at 4:40 pm

I think Life During War Time would have been more apt for him.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] April 12, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Naw, this is still Crist we're talking about. It's more like "Life During Bore Time," innit?

Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of:

Well there is just no love,
When there's boys and girls.
And the girls boys want to be with the girls boys

Buzz Feedback April 12, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Did they shoot that at the Sears Portrait Studio?

Callyson April 12, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Psycho politico, qu'est-ce que?

harry_palmer April 12, 2011 at 4:41 pm

He's dyed himself orange to kickstart his new career as Florida's state fruit.

baconzgood April 12, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Didn't one of the Florida OJ spokes woman go totally nutz and ultra-tea bagger before it was cool and lose her job?

jjdaddyo April 12, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Anita Bryant- she wuz Tea-Bagging before Tea-Bagging wuz cool. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anita_Bryant

drrty_martini April 12, 2011 at 5:21 pm

She has two bankruptcies to her name – she'd be a perfect running mate for a certain short-fingered vulgarian!

GOPCrusher April 12, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Anita Bryant.

baconzgood April 12, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Kudos to the both of you. You may share in the pee upfisting!

memzilla April 12, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Yes! All bask in the glory of a positive pee-ness!

mourningnmerica April 12, 2011 at 7:45 pm

He already is.

horsedreamer_1 April 12, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Meanwhile, Rubio described the stimulus as so much noise about buildings & food.

Limeylizzie April 12, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I always feel a wee bit sorry for Charlie, he seems so much less cunty than most other Republicans.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 12, 2011 at 4:44 pm

He fell in with a bad crowd.
~

trondant April 12, 2011 at 7:27 pm

He hasn't seen one since the day he was born, so you're probably right.

Goonemeritus April 12, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Seems like a nice sincerer fellow exactly the type of chap we need in politics today, wonder if he running for anything?

Hatrabbit April 12, 2011 at 4:42 pm

This is not my beautiful beard.

horsedreamer_1 April 12, 2011 at 4:44 pm

See also: Kucinich, Elizabeth.

EBGrey April 13, 2011 at 8:56 am

I tip my hat to you Sir.

DerrickWildcat April 12, 2011 at 4:43 pm

"David Byrne and the Talking Heads" Bet that's big news to Jerry, Chris and Tina.

Doktor Zoom April 12, 2011 at 7:57 pm

The Name of This Band is Talking Heads

Monsieur_Grumpe April 12, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Byrnes should have made Crist lip sync Totally Nude while taking off his clothes.

DerrickWildcat April 12, 2011 at 4:47 pm

No Talking Just Head.

How do I undo the damage I've done.

Schmannnity April 12, 2011 at 4:48 pm

The years have been hard. See Wonkette library:
http://wonkette.com/401750/wonkette-exclusive-sco

Bonzos_Bed_Time April 12, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Fa-fa-fa, fa-fa-fa, fa-fa-faaaa-fa

Radio_Level_7 April 12, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Merry Fucking Cristmas, David Byrne.

KeepFnThatChicken April 12, 2011 at 4:50 pm

If I were sued for a million dollars, I may find myself living in a shotgun shack.

waitforsugar April 12, 2011 at 5:56 pm

At least you'd know how you got there.

Mahousu April 12, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Poor Charlie Crist. He sees the states across this big nation; he sees the laws made in Washington D.C. He thinks of the ones he considers his favorites, and he thinks "why aren't these people working for me?"

Doktor Zoom April 12, 2011 at 8:00 pm

And I say, I wouldn't live there if you paid me.
I couldn't live like that, no siree!
I couldn't do the things the way those people do.
I wouldn't live there if you paid me to.

poncho_pilot April 12, 2011 at 4:50 pm

who's ever heard of a Charlie-in-a-box?

poncho_pilot April 12, 2011 at 4:52 pm

needs moar Brian Eno.

stanpan April 12, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Byrne's journal is worth a visit. He covers all kinds of subjects. http://journal.davidbyrne.com/

memzilla April 12, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Jack, you know we love you like the brother we have to keep bailing out of jail, but your slug, "Lawsuit Forces Charlie Crist To Make Humiliating YouTube Apology Video," is not a factual statement.

One must first possess a sense of shame in order to be humiliated.

UpfistTroll April 12, 2011 at 5:00 pm

"Lawsuit Forces Charlie Crist To Make YouTube Apology Video That Ordinary Humans Would Find Humiliating" probably wouldn't fit, though.

memzilla April 12, 2011 at 5:03 pm

How about "Knob Gobblin' Apology?"

bagofmice April 13, 2011 at 10:05 am

This is orders of magnitude greater in levels of shame than you will see expressed 2012 campaigns. Let us congratulate this man in a moment of clarity.

LabRodent April 12, 2011 at 4:57 pm

If It was a Rappers song he would have just whupped Crist's Ass.

tessiee April 13, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Or busted a cap in his ass.

pinkocommi April 12, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Charlie Crist must not be gay after all because, during that entire video, I swear he was staring at my tits.

Sophist [غني عن ذلك] April 12, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Fucking intellectual property law, how does it work?

LesBontemps April 12, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Like a magnet.

LettucePrey April 12, 2011 at 5:02 pm

I hope George Hamilton makes him record an apology for stealing his face.

SorosBot April 12, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Next he'll apologize to his wife for using her for a sham marriage.

ManchuCandidate April 12, 2011 at 5:06 pm

You may find yourself running for Fla. Senator
And you may find yourself using one of my old tunes
And you may find yourself losing a lawsuit to me, David Byrne
You may find yourself with a wife as a beard, in front of a camera
You may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"

Abusing my copyrights, the lawyers held him down
Abusing my copyrights, lawyers made him sit
On Youtube again, after his lawyer's lost
Once in a lifetime, apology on Youtube*

*unlike Charlie Crist, I have parody protection… but I may have to apologize for being stupid.

widestanceroman April 12, 2011 at 5:10 pm

And she was.

Ducksworthy April 12, 2011 at 5:15 pm

How do I work this thing?

OneYieldRegular April 12, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Say, all you crazy college kids being prosecuted for P2P file-sharing, did you know you can now get off by simply posting a YouTube apology, instead of being forced to pay thousands in fines? Just tell 'em Charlie Crist sent ya.

LesBontemps April 12, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Where is he? What did he do with his life?

I don't know about the rest of his life, but this week he'll be talking to trial lawyers in New Jersey:

How Mass Torts Cases Protect Present & Future Consumers
Hon. Charlie Crist, Former Governor the State of Florida • St. Petersburg, FL http://www.nj-justice.org/NJ/index.cfm?event=show

widestanceroman April 12, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Needs more Abu Ghraib.

emmelemm April 12, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Sarah Palin?

MissTaken April 12, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Barracuda!

Texan_Bulldog April 12, 2011 at 5:28 pm

A lawsuit involving Charlie Crist & no mention of Vaseline, goats or disco balls? So disappointed…

poncho_pilot April 12, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Jimmy Page?

FrenchTwist40 April 12, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Aaaaaand Charlie Crist is now officially David Byrne's bitch.

Mumbletypeg April 12, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Junior Samples?

Texan_Bulldog April 12, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Every Republican too lazy to research copyright law?

BarackMyWorld April 12, 2011 at 5:46 pm

"This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no foolin' around," said the judge.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Our governor's crazy
Did you hear what he said?

David should have also sued him for stealing his downy white hair.

Doktor Zoom April 12, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Business and pleasure
Lie right to your face
Divide it in sections
And then give it away.

It would appear that Mr. Byrne encapsulated the whole of Republican policy since approximately 1980

horsedreamer_1 April 12, 2011 at 11:07 pm

If that's the case, then Byrne should be suing Packers GM Ted Thompson for a Super Bowl ring.

Seriously, they could be twins.

poncho_pilot April 13, 2011 at 12:02 am

eh. Byrne's changed his hairstyle so many times now he doesn't know what he looks like.

Gopherit April 12, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Road to Nowhere? Psycho Killer, Burning Down the House, Girlfriend is Better……any of these would have been better campaign songs in Florida.

johnnymeatworth April 12, 2011 at 5:58 pm

"Don't Worry About the Government," indeed.

MinAgain April 12, 2011 at 5:59 pm

I liked him a lot better in "Blade Runner".

trumpbly_joe April 12, 2011 at 6:01 pm

The Penguin?

DownFist Troll April 12, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Lady gaga?

Come here a minute April 12, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Should have used "Born in the USA" — I'm sure Bruce wouldn't mind.

Jerri April 12, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Some (ex) civil servants are just like my loved ones.

If my loved ones were orange, failed candidates for public office who don't understand copyright laws.

Thurman Munster IV April 12, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Lame as he ever was

SorosBot April 12, 2011 at 6:15 pm

2 Live Crew, whose Supreme Court victory became the literal textbook case on parody for IP law?

zhubajie April 12, 2011 at 6:20 pm

No, history is merely a source of bad sex jokes!

johnnymeatworth April 12, 2011 at 6:29 pm

from http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-1304

Scottish-born Byrne said he was feeling "very manly" after his trip to Tampa to meet Mr Crist.

"Other artists may actually have the anger but not want to take the time and risk the legal bills," he said. "I am lucky that I can do that."

He said that by standing up for his rights as a composer, the unauthorised use of songs in political campaigns could be "made to be a less common option or, better yet, an option that is never taken in the future".

Rotundo_ April 12, 2011 at 7:04 pm

The beautiful part of this, isn't Orange Chucklenuts reading off an apology on YouTube, that was fine, but that this puts a chill in the air for people wanting to coopt an artists work without their permission. Now stop and think about artistic folk in general. Now think of the vast talent pool that the Republican party has to draw from *legally*: Ray Stevens and Charlie Daniels, there's a few usta was rockers, Dee Snider, and some others.

Doktor Zoom April 12, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Worse: Victoria Jackson could try to sing.

emmelemm April 12, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Ted Nugent.

(Sad, really.)

iburl April 12, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Alice Cooper is the only one left.

"No more Mr. Nice Guy, no more mister tax the ri-ich!"

poncho_pilot April 13, 2011 at 12:04 am

eventually they'd figure out a way to co-opt Dead Babies.

HistoriCat April 12, 2011 at 10:40 pm

If you have Lee Greenwood, do you really need anyone else?

poncho_pilot April 13, 2011 at 12:05 am

i'd rather have Lee Hazelwood.

harry_palmer April 12, 2011 at 6:31 pm

The down syndrome fister has brought a couple of his playmates in from whatever alley they turn tricks in to help him try to shit on comments they don't read and wouldn't understand if they did.

freddymcmurray April 12, 2011 at 6:43 pm

That's gold, Jerry. GOLD!

Swampgas_Man April 12, 2011 at 6:47 pm

He seems to have gone plutonium blonde from shock.

El Pinche April 12, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Charlie Crist is gay?

Negropolis April 13, 2011 at 2:54 am

And, may I be so bold as to ask what alternate universe you've been a citizen of for the past, oh, decade?

DahBoner April 12, 2011 at 6:51 pm

It's just that Wild, wild rice…

DahBoner April 12, 2011 at 6:52 pm

Bob Weir?

Beetagger April 12, 2011 at 6:56 pm

How come it ended before the beheading?

natl_indecency_cmdr April 12, 2011 at 7:04 pm

every Republican who misinterpreted Springsteen or Mellencamp lyrics as being patriotic?

BklynIlluminati April 12, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Charlie learn internet meme #276 Haterz gonna hate. Not really gonna help but hey at least you tried you pwned tool.

BlueStateLibel April 12, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Would we be racing towards Civil War II/Le Guillotine if we learned anything from history?

BZ1 April 12, 2011 at 7:42 pm

"Road to Nowhere" needs to be the Repub's siren song…

Doktor Zoom April 12, 2011 at 7:54 pm

I dunno, I always thought Nothing But Flowers had the best summation of Florida politicians' attitude: "If this is paradise, I wish I had a lawnmower."

Then again, most of what I know about FL politics comes from Carl Hiaasen and Dave Barry.

iburl April 12, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Backsliding! How do you do? These slippery people gonna see you through.

Doktor Zoom April 12, 2011 at 8:02 pm

George Harrison?

Doktor Zoom April 12, 2011 at 8:13 pm

Take a look at this tan.
Take a look at this tan.
Fake tan speaks. The tan of a government man.
Well I'm a bumbler. Apology under punches.
I'm so insincere.

Don't you miss it, don't you miss it.
Some 'a you people just about missed it!
Last time I'll seem humble!
Well I'm a stumbler…
I was a Government Man.

user-of-owls April 12, 2011 at 8:27 pm

All I want, is to skeeve.

user-of-owls April 12, 2011 at 8:36 pm

Let's just admit it. If Charlie had worn the Big Suit, he would have beaten Rubella, or whatever he's called.

Oh, and it's high time we had a president, governor or federal reserve chief from RISD. Ours would be a different world should that come to pass, my friends.

Doktor Zoom April 12, 2011 at 9:07 pm

I had to google that "RISD," and assumed you meant Rhode Island School o' Design, not the Roswell (NM) Independent School District. Impressive bunch of alums, I'll say. Gotta like a school what give us Roz Chast, Martin Mull, Gus Van Sant, AND Talking Heads. And, one presumes, a certain implementor of strigiformes?

emmelemm April 12, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Rhode Island School of Design?

trampndirtdown April 12, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Al Gore, but not one of the nasty ones, Tipper wouldn't let him.

imissopus April 12, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Or Gwar.

BarackMyWorld April 12, 2011 at 10:49 pm

If he hadn’t tried for the Senate, Charlie Crist might be running for president right now.

Or maybe even serving a second term as governor.

peaceocrap April 12, 2011 at 10:49 pm

"A video advertisement utilized a song…" "the advertisement was posted on my campaign website, on youtube…" I love the passive voice. These things just happen; nobody is responble for it, even if Crist is sorry that it "happened."

emmelemm April 13, 2011 at 12:01 am

Mistakes were made.

ttommyunger April 12, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Charley Crist was humiliating long before this lawsuit thingy.

ShaveTheWhales April 12, 2011 at 11:43 pm

Little pee-pee, little toes.

mrblifil April 13, 2011 at 1:09 am

The video cut off for some reason just before David Byrne burst into the room and started slapping Charlie about the head and ears with his cock.

tcaalaw April 13, 2011 at 7:54 am

I'm amazed that Crist agreed to do this. He either is planning on never running for public office again or he's so broke that he couldn't give Byrne enough money to buy his way out of having to issue the video apology.

tessiee April 13, 2011 at 11:31 pm

He also appears to have "borrowed" David Byrne's shoulder pads.

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