racial identity issues

Mitt Romney’s Flickr Alleges Oprah Is His ‘Half-Sister’

This strange image is on Mitt Romney’s Flickr. With no explanation. Is that a cue card? Who is telling the perfectly still nondescript Mormon to say that? Is it Joseph Smith? L. Ron Hubbard? Jared Loughner? Hey, maybe this election is going to be a contest after all, because who’s going to get Oprah’s endorsement, Obama or her half-sister, Mitt Romney?

A little Googling shows this is probably from Omney-Fresh’s February appearance on the Late Show with David Letterman. Still, this is a popular subject on Twitter at the moment, mostly because people are making fun of your editor’s constant typos. [Flickr]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef
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  1. Barbara_i

    They make fun of Barry for using a teleprompter for an hour-long speech and yet, Romney needs a cue card for five words?

      1. horsedreamer_1

        It was the novelty of the situation. Letterman's a bit too blue, for Mormon comedy.

    1. tessiee

      After the draft dodger maligned the triple Purple Heart, my Irony Meter died in agony, so stuff like this doesn't give me stabbing pains anymore.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Read that as "underwear of GTFO", & thought it was intentional: I know, apart myself, anyone stripping down a potential paramour to find "Magic Undies" would skedadddle.

      <—————– Has a thing for Mormon ladies.

  2. memzilla

    We'll excuse your typos, Jack. People are probably mispronouncing your own name, too — in Old High German, is pronounced "sterf."

    1. Negropolis

      You know who else lisped in High German?

      **Finally! I got to do one. Now, for 10+ replies….**

      1. ShaveTheWhales

        I don't know, but ze qvestion iss verrry interestink.

        But schtupid.

        (Well, actually, Arte Johnson).

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        A Single Species of Large Furless Animals Gathered Together in a Hallway and Grooving with a Sharpie

  3. slithytoves

    Jack, I used to make fun of your typos until I discovered that my mastery of the language suffered after several shots of bourbon. I mean the written language because clearly I am nothing short of fucking Socrates when I drunk-speak.

    And by the way, does number ten there punt or receive?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      "And by the way, does number ten there punt or receive? "

      Is that you, George Allen?

    2. horsedreamer_1

      Must be some rule about blogs: bloggers with "funny" &/or funny &/or uncommon (to the generation) first names have to be mocked for the egregious sin of typographic mistakes. (Adding -al to a word to make it adjective is gauche.) Jack Steuf, here; Dashiell Bennett at, first, Deadspin, &, now, Business Insider: Sports. Such is their cross to bear.

  4. facehead

    CUE CARDZ IS MORMAN TELEPROMPTERZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!f!u!d!!g!!e!!!



  5. Crank_Tango

    Har dee har har, it's an obama joke, cuz all teh coloredz is related!

    oh man those mormons really crack my shit up.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      It's early, so I'm only on my first shot of whiskey, but I can't figure out how it's an Obama joke. Please help me.

      1. Dudleydidwrong

        All teh coloredz is related because teh all lookd alike to whitey? Only thing I can think of, but it is still very early here and Jack (Daniels) sits unopened.

  6. EdFlintstone

    Jack we can forgive you for a twitter typo after all the right wing sites you have to go through for Wonkette. They must have an effect. With that level of exposure, I'm just surprised you're not drooling in a tobacco spit cup or proposing to your sister.

  7. DownFist Troll

    This one image has restored my faith in democracy and the American way.

    And by restored, i mean strangled to death.

  8. Trannysurprise

    This isn't in English, it's in Mormon. And loosely translated it means "Try not to trip over your dick again when you explain that Mittenscare isn't just like Obamacare."

      1. horsedreamer_1

        The "Marriage Penalty" is a joke. No, seriously, it is. It doesn't exist (contra GOP bloviating about the IRS "mission" to truncate traditional values).

  9. DownFist Troll

    All his kids and grandkids are named Mitt. Sorta like George Formean, except without a sweet ass BBQ grill and future in politics.

  10. WinterOuthouse

    Now, if only we can get all the jeebus killer jooooooooooz back to the land of Zion. What? Wait! Joe Smith said the Zion was in Missouri, I think, or Canada or Israel.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I thought Zion was that underground city where Laurence Fishburne parked the Nebuchadnezzar.

    1. cheaphits

      Well, it's just possible that when George Wilcken Romney was out selling those Nash Ramblers in Tennessee or was it Mississippi?…a dark and stormy night when the Rambler threw a piston and George walked to the sharecroppers house setting just off the road…

  11. HistoriCat

    Nope – Mittens still isn't interesting. Wake me when he and Tim Pawlenty are caught in bed together with a dead caribou. That would be interesting.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      I'm glad you said "dead." Otherwise the cruelty-to-animals factor would be off the charts.

  12. SayItWithWookies

    Mitt's just pandering to the black female Republican vote. Ummmmm — not that I know who that is, but dollars to donuts she's voting for Mitt.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Amy Holmes? Seriously, I had to dig deep for that. Oh, I bet Ginny Thomas thinks she's black–does that count?

      1. vulpes82

        Please. That airhead probably doesn't know how to vote. No wonder she became a female black Republican: it was the only chance she had for a career. All I ever hear when she talks is stupid, tendentious nonsense.

        1. Texan_Bulldog

          Yeah, I think the only reason she's ever on Bill Maher's show is because a) he's banging her or b) he wants to bang her.

  13. Moonbatting Average

    Creepy. It's like, if they turned around, they'd look like the aliens from They Live. "Oprah is my half sister" is just another subliminal message, like "Obey" or "Marry & Reproduce"

    1. tessiee

      I was thinking of the Magritte painting where the guy looking in the mirror sees the back of his head, but yours is good, too.

  14. SayItWithWookies

    Is it just me or does Mitt have a bit of that There's Something about Mary styling gel going on?

  15. Texan_Bulldog

    No amount of well…anything…will ever make Mittens cool. Keep trying, though. Maybe he can fall off a campaign stage ala Bob Dole because that will at least generate the YouTube views.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Romney reminds more than anyone of the smarmy boss in Office Space. But I think he's more like Milton the Swingline guy in real life.

  16. Maman

    He must have not heard that Oprah didn't give any money to her half sister… so there will be no campaign contribution/loan for her new bro!

  17. pinkocommi

    Maybe Mitt's dad is a Mormon version of Angelina Jolie, but instead of adopting kids, he marries a wife of every color.

    There's a biblical coat to match. Also.

    1. Negropolis

      Hear that whoosing sound? That is the sound of that joke going completely over my head in the context of this thread. lol

  18. smokefilledroommate

    That pic reminds me of a bizarre high/drunk ballpark 'courtesy sign' you'd see in your own head during an active inning…

  19. mourningnmerica

    Has anyone mentioned that Mormons believe that they will each get their own planet to rule if they make it to heaven? And that God rules planet Kolob? I'm not makin' this shit up. Honest. Google it. Oh, and that their panties protect them from harm? I'm just sayin', Barry might still have a chance for a 2nd term. Wouldn't that be a panic? Can you just see the 'baggers hurling themselves off of cliffs, and murdering their families on election night and shit? Ah, happy thoughts. Makes you want to volunteer to register voters, doesn't it?

    Anyway, I'm just glad the world won't end until after election day.

    1. poncho_pilot

      "Has anyone mentioned that Mormons believe that they will each get their own planet to rule if they make it to heaven?"

      sounds like a story arc on Sliders.

      "And that God rules planet Kolob?"

      Kolob backwards sounds like bollock. but never mind them.

    2. riverside68

      Thanks for the happy thoughts, I needed that.

      Ahh Baggers and Birthers holding hands and 'hurling themselves off cliffs.'

      Damn that makes me feel all warm and cuddly. Hand me that clipboard.

  20. Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum

    A half-breed Oprahkin? White boy's got a bad case of the Kenyan envy.

  21. randcoolcatdaddy

    Romney's one of the earlier animatronic models requiring paper cue cards, rather than electronic teleprompters, to work properly.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Williker! First, Politifact-Wisconsin's GOP peg-boy Dave Umhoefer trashes his brother-in-arms at PFW radio affiliate WTMJ-AM, Charlie Sykes, as having his "pants ablaze" with respect claims of outside (non-candidate) spending in the Wisconsin Supreme Court race. Now, Po'o, the national GOP's non-FOX flagship smacks down the Very Serious Paul Ryan.

      Is this Bizarro Superman?

  22. neiltheblaze

    While observing Williard's run for the Oval Office, be sure to keep a "flip-flop" notepad handy – and a sharp pencil. The man can do a 180° turn on any issue within any given 24 hour period and act like it's perfectly natural – and that picking on him for it only proves that it's your failing, not his.

  23. riverside68

    Thanks Jack for a morning post that doesn't make me want to kill myself or scares me to death.
    It doesn't pack the adrenaline punch, but I may live longer.

  24. jus_wonderin

    This is Performance Art. And, it points to Mitten's stance on Arts funding. He will cut it by half if he is elected. The girl, the one proped up by the wall, that girl represents NPR.

  25. weejee

    6:25 AM PDT and Goosestep Gooseshit the troll is already with the downfisting. 'Course the troll could be an EDT timer and has just slithered out from its hidey hole twixt Newt's buttocks.

    1. 102415

      They do love to visit all of us here! It's nice to be noticed. Everyday they are learning something new here. Soon they will be just like us but without a sense of humor. So far they love power tools and fetuses and their grand kids will join the military as soon as Obama leaves the Presidency. Why they will want to leave their lawn maintenance consultancy has not been explained. Still, good news in Real America.

  26. BerkeleyBear

    Can't remember if Mormons are against tattoos (probably, unless you are Samoan) but otherwise I'm guessing the names are right at the hairline.

  27. Pragmatist2

    He baptized her in absentia at the Temple and made her a member of the Romney family at the same time. This is how the Mormons got so rich.

  28. Gold_ManSacks

    If Mittens were to become prez'dint how would we know which of his sister wives was FLOTUS? Would they be FLOTI? Would they have some sort of rotating schedule? These are the important questions of out time.

  29. ttommyunger

    "Mitt Romney’s Flickr Alleges Oprah Is His Half-sister." And we all know which half, too: THE WHITE HALF.

Comments are closed.