RACIAL IDENTITY ISSUES  9:56 pm April 11, 2011

Mitt Romney’s Flickr Alleges Oprah Is His ‘Half-Sister’

by Jack Stuef

ELECTION. VICTORY. SEALED.
This strange image is on Mitt Romney’s Flickr. With no explanation. Is that a cue card? Who is telling the perfectly still nondescript Mormon to say that? Is it Joseph Smith? L. Ron Hubbard? Jared Loughner? Hey, maybe this election is going to be a contest after all, because who’s going to get Oprah’s endorsement, Obama or her half-sister, Mitt Romney?

A little Googling shows this is probably from Omney-Fresh’s February appearance on the Late Show with David Letterman. Still, this is a popular subject on Twitter at the moment, mostly because people are making fun of your editor’s constant typos. [Flickr]

 
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{ 131 comments }

Barbara_i April 11, 2011 at 10:00 pm

They make fun of Barry for using a teleprompter for an hour-long speech and yet, Romney needs a cue card for five words?

vulpes82 April 11, 2011 at 11:16 pm

But Barbara… he's WHITE! Really, really, really white.

horsedreamer_1 April 12, 2011 at 9:52 am

It was the novelty of the situation. Letterman's a bit too blue, for Mormon comedy.

tessiee April 13, 2011 at 1:34 pm

After the draft dodger maligned the triple Purple Heart, my Irony Meter died in agony, so stuff like this doesn't give me stabbing pains anymore.

fuflans April 11, 2011 at 10:04 pm

underwear of GTFO

horsedreamer_1 April 12, 2011 at 9:54 am

Read that as "underwear of GTFO", & thought it was intentional: I know, apart myself, anyone stripping down a potential paramour to find "Magic Undies" would skedadddle.

<—————– Has a thing for Mormon ladies.

lefty74 April 11, 2011 at 10:05 pm

The power of his underware beez meaningless vs the U-trow of Sister Fedalia!

memzilla April 11, 2011 at 10:06 pm

We'll excuse your typos, Jack. People are probably mispronouncing your own name, too — in Old High German, is pronounced "sterf."

Negropolis April 12, 2011 at 3:48 am

You know who else lisped in High German?

**Finally! I got to do one. Now, for 10+ replies….**

poncho_pilot April 12, 2011 at 4:44 am

Hans Gruber?

weejee April 12, 2011 at 6:19 am

Isabella's Ferdinand? Nah, that was español – gratheeuths.

horsedreamer_1 April 12, 2011 at 9:56 am

No disminuas la theta, pendejo!

neiltheblaze April 12, 2011 at 6:36 am

Colonel Klink?

ShaveTheWhales April 12, 2011 at 6:53 am

I don't know, but ze qvestion iss verrry interestink.

But schtupid.

(Well, actually, Arte Johnson).

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2011 at 7:32 am

Biggus Dickus?

starfanglednut April 12, 2011 at 9:19 am

Beat me to it!

BerkeleyBear April 12, 2011 at 10:11 am

What's so funny about the name Biggus Dickus?

tessiee April 13, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Do you find something…
wisible?

tessiee April 13, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Wodewick?

riverside68 April 12, 2011 at 9:15 am

Anne of Cleves?

OC_LEVEL 7!!!_Serf April 11, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Couldn’t he just of written it on his hand??

comrad_darkness April 11, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Picture is too surreal for snark.

OneYieldRegular April 11, 2011 at 10:07 pm

That photo was from Romney's earlier "Ummagumma" period, before he went solo.

mourningnmerica April 12, 2011 at 1:33 am

Careful With That Tax Eugene

poncho_pilot April 12, 2011 at 4:38 am

Denial Song.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2011 at 7:37 am

A Single Species of Large Furless Animals Gathered Together in a Hallway and Grooving with a Sharpie

Fare la Volpe April 11, 2011 at 10:07 pm

"Wife"? What happened to the others?

slithytoves April 11, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Jack, I used to make fun of your typos until I discovered that my mastery of the language suffered after several shots of bourbon. I mean the written language because clearly I am nothing short of fucking Socrates when I drunk-speak.

And by the way, does number ten there punt or receive?

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2011 at 7:38 am

"And by the way, does number ten there punt or receive? "

Is that you, George Allen?

horsedreamer_1 April 12, 2011 at 9:58 am

Must be some rule about blogs: bloggers with "funny" &/or funny &/or uncommon (to the generation) first names have to be mocked for the egregious sin of typographic mistakes. (Adding -al to a word to make it adjective is gauche.) Jack Steuf, here; Dashiell Bennett at, first, Deadspin, &, now, Business Insider: Sports. Such is their cross to bear.

themcwow April 11, 2011 at 10:10 pm

FUDGE!

facehead April 11, 2011 at 10:10 pm

CUE CARDZ IS MORMAN TELEPROMPTERZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!f!u!d!!g!!e!!!

ONLY RINOs DON+T WRITE ON DER HANDZ!!!!!!

GO BACK TO MASSAJEWSETTS YA KENYAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crank_Tango April 11, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Har dee har har, it's an obama joke, cuz all teh coloredz is related!

oh man those mormons really crack my shit up.

poncho_pilot April 12, 2011 at 4:43 am

but still more genetically diverse than Utah.

anniegetyerfun April 12, 2011 at 9:13 am

It's early, so I'm only on my first shot of whiskey, but I can't figure out how it's an Obama joke. Please help me.

Dudleydidwrong April 12, 2011 at 10:16 am

All teh coloredz is related because teh all lookd alike to whitey? Only thing I can think of, but it is still very early here and Jack (Daniels) sits unopened.

EdFlintstone April 11, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Jack we can forgive you for a twitter typo after all the right wing sites you have to go through for Wonkette. They must have an effect. With that level of exposure, I'm just surprised you're not drooling in a tobacco spit cup or proposing to your sister.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2011 at 7:40 am

Proposing? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

nounverb911 April 11, 2011 at 10:14 pm

"Mitt Romney’s Flickr Alleges Oprah Is His ‘Half-Sister’"
So that means that Oprah's an anchor baby too? George Romney was a Messican.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_W._Romney

AJW@[redacted] April 11, 2011 at 11:02 pm

I wonder how many of his wives he left behind in the Colonies?

AJW@[redacted] April 11, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Also, how could they have allowed him to run for preznit if he was hecho en Mexico…

trampndirtdown April 12, 2011 at 12:06 am

Uh he's white… duh.

DownFist Troll April 11, 2011 at 10:14 pm

This one image has restored my faith in democracy and the American way.

And by restored, i mean strangled to death.

Trannysurprise April 11, 2011 at 10:16 pm

This isn't in English, it's in Mormon. And loosely translated it means "Try not to trip over your dick again when you explain that Mittenscare isn't just like Obamacare."

Negropolis April 12, 2011 at 3:52 am

Ha! Mittenscare. It's so double entrendrey.

poncho_pilot April 12, 2011 at 4:41 am

put your health and well being in my soft, warm, mittened hands.

GuanoFaucet April 11, 2011 at 10:16 pm

You get another wife! You get another wife! You get another wife!

trampndirtdown April 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Who's going to pay the taxes on all these new wives Oprah hmmm.

horsedreamer_1 April 12, 2011 at 10:01 am

The "Marriage Penalty" is a joke. No, seriously, it is. It doesn't exist (contra GOP bloviating about the IRS "mission" to truncate traditional values).

not that Dewey April 11, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Look under your seat?

Negropolis April 12, 2011 at 3:53 am

Everybody gets another wife!

DownFist Troll April 11, 2011 at 10:18 pm

All his kids and grandkids are named Mitt. Sorta like George Formean, except without a sweet ass BBQ grill and future in politics.

WinterOuthouse April 11, 2011 at 10:20 pm

Cha Ching. Game Over! Obama was pwned by a hair piece and his cue card.

WinterOuthouse April 11, 2011 at 10:22 pm

Now, if only we can get all the jeebus killer jooooooooooz back to the land of Zion. What? Wait! Joe Smith said the Zion was in Missouri, I think, or Canada or Israel.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2011 at 7:45 am

I thought Zion was that underground city where Laurence Fishburne parked the Nebuchadnezzar.

tessiee April 13, 2011 at 12:49 pm

It's in the lost city of Zeox.
/MST3K/

trampndirtdown April 11, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Certainly not the First Wife. I've learned by watching HBO that tasks like that are delegated to the sister wives.

chascates April 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Today Oprah is everyone's half-sister.

drrty_martini April 12, 2011 at 12:47 am

And just like my full sister, her reading list is hit and miss.

cheaphits April 12, 2011 at 5:45 am

Well, it's just possible that when George Wilcken Romney was out selling those Nash Ramblers in Tennessee or was it Mississippi?…a dark and stormy night when the Rambler threw a piston and George walked to the sharecroppers house setting just off the road…

HistoriCat April 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Nope – Mittens still isn't interesting. Wake me when he and Tim Pawlenty are caught in bed together with a dead caribou. That would be interesting.

Dudleydidwrong April 12, 2011 at 12:41 am

I'm glad you said "dead." Otherwise the cruelty-to-animals factor would be off the charts.

comrad_darkness April 12, 2011 at 10:43 am

It's just pining for the fjords.

SayItWithWookies April 11, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Mitt's just pandering to the black female Republican vote. Ummmmm — not that I know who that is, but dollars to donuts she's voting for Mitt.

trampndirtdown April 11, 2011 at 11:00 pm

It's gotta be Justice Thomas' wife right? Oh yeah….

Texan_Bulldog April 11, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Amy Holmes? Seriously, I had to dig deep for that. Oh, I bet Ginny Thomas thinks she's black–does that count?

vulpes82 April 11, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Please. That airhead probably doesn't know how to vote. No wonder she became a female black Republican: it was the only chance she had for a career. All I ever hear when she talks is stupid, tendentious nonsense.

Texan_Bulldog April 11, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Yeah, I think the only reason she's ever on Bill Maher's show is because a) he's banging her or b) he wants to bang her.

Negropolis April 12, 2011 at 3:55 am

FTW

horsedreamer_1 April 12, 2011 at 10:02 am

Cunnilingus Rice!

/clayton-bigsby'd

iburl April 11, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Believe in America(n Jesus)

Doktor Zoom April 11, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Talk about typos! It was supposed to be "Oprah is my half-sister-wife."

AJW@[redacted] April 11, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Zing!

Mumbletypeg April 11, 2011 at 10:46 pm

THAT's NOT RACIAL TRANSCENDENCE!

Moonbatting Average April 11, 2011 at 10:48 pm

Creepy. It's like, if they turned around, they'd look like the aliens from They Live. "Oprah is my half sister" is just another subliminal message, like "Obey" or "Marry & Reproduce"

tessiee April 13, 2011 at 12:51 pm

I was thinking of the Magritte painting where the guy looking in the mirror sees the back of his head, but yours is good, too.

SayItWithWookies April 11, 2011 at 10:50 pm

Is it just me or does Mitt have a bit of that There's Something about Mary styling gel going on?

GregComlish April 11, 2011 at 10:58 pm

Mitt Romney is biracial. This proves that the tea party can't be racist.

Radio_______ April 11, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Hey, that chick is a 10.

Texan_Bulldog April 11, 2011 at 11:03 pm

No amount of well…anything…will ever make Mittens cool. Keep trying, though. Maybe he can fall off a campaign stage ala Bob Dole because that will at least generate the YouTube views.

natl_indecency_cmdr April 12, 2011 at 12:39 am

yes, but who let the dogs out? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDwwAaVmnf4

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2011 at 7:49 am

Romney reminds more than anyone of the smarmy boss in Office Space. But I think he's more like Milton the Swingline guy in real life.

tessiee April 13, 2011 at 12:52 pm

"Umm, yeahhh… I'm gonna need you to just come in and vote for me…"

Maman April 11, 2011 at 11:11 pm

He must have not heard that Oprah didn't give any money to her half sister… so there will be no campaign contribution/loan for her new bro!

BZ1 April 11, 2011 at 11:21 pm

We're all Oprah's half-sister…

emmelemm April 11, 2011 at 11:40 pm

Checks bank account…. nu-UH!

tessiee April 13, 2011 at 12:53 pm

We're all Oprah's half-sister…

[small voice from back of crowd]
I'm not!!

/Life of Brian/

pinkocommi April 11, 2011 at 11:26 pm

Maybe Mitt's dad is a Mormon version of Angelina Jolie, but instead of adopting kids, he marries a wife of every color.

There's a biblical coat to match. Also.

Negropolis April 12, 2011 at 3:58 am

Oooo…collector wives! Gotta' catch 'em all!

DerrickWildcat April 11, 2011 at 11:46 pm

I don't mean to sound like a bigot, but Mormons are even worse than the Jews…and you know how those Jews are.

Negropolis April 12, 2011 at 4:00 am

Hear that whoosing sound? That is the sound of that joke going completely over my head in the context of this thread. lol

smokefilledroommate April 11, 2011 at 11:48 pm

That pic reminds me of a bizarre high/drunk ballpark 'courtesy sign' you'd see in your own head during an active inning…

JoshuaNorton April 12, 2011 at 12:00 am

Which half?

DaRooster April 12, 2011 at 12:44 am

Jack, you writ fine.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2011 at 8:03 am

And having writ, Jack moves on.

Dudleydidwrong April 12, 2011 at 12:48 am

"Oprah is my half-sister" The next cue card says "I'm a complete-ass."

mourningnmerica April 12, 2011 at 1:55 am

Has anyone mentioned that Mormons believe that they will each get their own planet to rule if they make it to heaven? And that God rules planet Kolob? I'm not makin' this shit up. Honest. Google it. Oh, and that their panties protect them from harm? I'm just sayin', Barry might still have a chance for a 2nd term. Wouldn't that be a panic? Can you just see the 'baggers hurling themselves off of cliffs, and murdering their families on election night and shit? Ah, happy thoughts. Makes you want to volunteer to register voters, doesn't it?

Anyway, I'm just glad the world won't end until after election day.

poncho_pilot April 12, 2011 at 4:51 am

"Has anyone mentioned that Mormons believe that they will each get their own planet to rule if they make it to heaven?"

sounds like a story arc on Sliders.

"And that God rules planet Kolob?"

Kolob backwards sounds like bollock. but never mind them.

riverside68 April 12, 2011 at 9:20 am

Thanks for the happy thoughts, I needed that.

Ahh Baggers and Birthers holding hands and 'hurling themselves off cliffs.'

Damn that makes me feel all warm and cuddly. Hand me that clipboard.

Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum April 12, 2011 at 2:02 am

A half-breed Oprahkin? White boy's got a bad case of the Kenyan envy.

catholic4condom April 12, 2011 at 2:05 am

Oprah's half brother!? I wonder if Mittens has a birth certificate?

comrad_darkness April 12, 2011 at 10:46 am

I haven't seen it, so he must be a Mexican like his father.

BarackMyWorld April 12, 2011 at 2:19 am

Maybe George Romney was brainwashed into banging Oprah's mom?

Negropolis April 12, 2011 at 3:55 am

Seriously, some of my best half-sisters are black.

freddymcmurray April 12, 2011 at 4:29 am

<Insert former slaveowner joke here>

weejee April 12, 2011 at 6:22 am

< Insert wood pile joke here >

zhubajie April 12, 2011 at 5:37 am

So, do they have the same father? Or the same mother?

riverside68 April 12, 2011 at 9:22 am

Same banker.

randcoolcatdaddy April 12, 2011 at 6:44 am

Romney's one of the earlier animatronic models requiring paper cue cards, rather than electronic teleprompters, to work properly.

weejee April 12, 2011 at 6:47 am

OT

OM(f)G, the Politico has an op ed trashing Paul Ryan's chainsaw slasher novelette The Path to Prosperity.

horsedreamer_1 April 12, 2011 at 10:12 am

Williker! First, Politifact-Wisconsin's GOP peg-boy Dave Umhoefer trashes his brother-in-arms at PFW radio affiliate WTMJ-AM, Charlie Sykes, as having his "pants ablaze" with respect claims of outside (non-candidate) spending in the Wisconsin Supreme Court race. Now, Po'o, the national GOP's non-FOX flagship smacks down the Very Serious Paul Ryan.

Is this Bizarro Superman?

Camaro Nova April 12, 2011 at 7:11 am

We all know what Mittens does with half sisters. Did he keep her strapped to the roof of the car all the way to Massachusetts?

neiltheblaze April 12, 2011 at 7:38 am

While observing Williard's run for the Oval Office, be sure to keep a "flip-flop" notepad handy – and a sharp pencil. The man can do a 180° turn on any issue within any given 24 hour period and act like it's perfectly natural – and that picking on him for it only proves that it's your failing, not his.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 12, 2011 at 8:28 am

Has anyone seen Mittens dance? Just wonderin'.

jus_wonderin April 12, 2011 at 9:28 am

Did someone call me??

ttommyunger April 12, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Mormons don't allow dancing on the fucking floor and no fucking on the dance floor.

tessiee April 13, 2011 at 1:37 pm

He's Oprah's half brother, not Ellen's.

HolyCow!! April 12, 2011 at 9:20 am

Oh my god, Oprah is Mormon? GTFO!

riverside68 April 12, 2011 at 9:25 am

Thanks Jack for a morning post that doesn't make me want to kill myself or scares me to death.
It doesn't pack the adrenaline punch, but I may live longer.

jus_wonderin April 12, 2011 at 9:25 am

This is Performance Art. And, it points to Mitten's stance on Arts funding. He will cut it by half if he is elected. The girl, the one proped up by the wall, that girl represents NPR.

weejee April 12, 2011 at 9:30 am

6:25 AM PDT and Goosestep Gooseshit the troll is already with the downfisting. 'Course the troll could be an EDT timer and has just slithered out from its hidey hole twixt Newt's buttocks.

102415 April 12, 2011 at 12:49 pm

They do love to visit all of us here! It's nice to be noticed. Everyday they are learning something new here. Soon they will be just like us but without a sense of humor. So far they love power tools and fetuses and their grand kids will join the military as soon as Obama leaves the Presidency. Why they will want to leave their lawn maintenance consultancy has not been explained. Still, good news in Real America.

102415 April 12, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Hahaha. Page view.

BerkeleyBear April 12, 2011 at 10:13 am

Can't remember if Mormons are against tattoos (probably, unless you are Samoan) but otherwise I'm guessing the names are right at the hairline.

tessiee April 13, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I should know better than to ask, but…
which hairline?

horsedreamer_1 April 12, 2011 at 10:13 am

Nice Letterman's jacket, babe.

Pragmatist2 April 12, 2011 at 10:29 am

He baptized her in absentia at the Temple and made her a member of the Romney family at the same time. This is how the Mormons got so rich.

Gold_ManSacks April 12, 2011 at 11:04 am

If Mittens were to become prez'dint how would we know which of his sister wives was FLOTUS? Would they be FLOTI? Would they have some sort of rotating schedule? These are the important questions of out time.

Gopherit April 12, 2011 at 12:28 pm

TELEPROMPTER!!

Poindexter718 April 12, 2011 at 1:53 pm

MYOPIC MITTENS (squinting): Obama is my ass-fister.
[audience laughs]

ttommyunger April 12, 2011 at 10:22 pm

"Mitt Romney’s Flickr Alleges Oprah Is His Half-sister." And we all know which half, too: THE WHITE HALF.

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